No estoy enamorada, yo siempre he sido cursi. Sólo es que no lo digo en persona… Quizá no te lo demuestro todos dos días pero te quiero y no porque me gustes… Y no, no estoy enamorada de ti… No pienses mal, no te confundas. Puede que sea diferente contigo… Pero es que tu también lo eres conmigo.
I know I’m not around anymore. I want you to know that things are better than they’ve ever been in my life. I want you to know it’s not because you’re not around, it’s because I feel a stronger purpose within my existence. I’m growing into a young adult now and all I feel is maturity and self development. I don’t feel hopeless like I did when I was young, living in shadows of insecurity, shame, and anxiety. Lately I feel more love within my body. I feel potential within my hands and voice. I feel trees blooming within my mind. This is the first year I’m getting grades that actually reflect my intelligence, the first year I don’t feel like a failure. I got the tattoo I’ve been wanting for a long time and it’s made me love myself a little. I’m not ashamed of self love anymore. This tattoo has made me appreciate the skin I live in. I admire the way every human being is a work of art. I know we don’t talk anymore, but I’m happier than I was this time last year, and I hope that makes you at least a little happy. It’s not the time for us yet, the second beginning to our friendship, it doesn’t feel like the time for that right now. Maybe you feel differently, but I carry this strong sense that we will talk again one day, it just doesn’t feel like that time is now. Do me a favor though, please water yourself, please let yourself grow.
I wrote a letter in November about telling the boy I liked how I felt and how he didn’t feel the same way. I sent my letter to the world, begging for someone to tell me how to move past that. And you responded K. You told me how beautiful and vulnerable my feelings were; how brave, courageous, and special I was. You told me things I could not see and things I refused to believe. You told me I would survive. And I did.
My fellow K, you saved me in more ways than you’ll ever know or understand. You said the words I so desperately wanted to hear from friends but never heard. So thank you for answering my letter to the world. Thank you for providing me with the words I needed to hear. And thank you for reminding me never give up hope on love, or myself.
All the love,
a K that needed some time to realize she too would survive ♡