j.bear

Right now

Right now,

I don’t know what to think.

I don’t know what to feel.

I don’t know what to say.

I don’t understand what’s happened.

I don’t think I can come back from this.

I don’t want for any of this to end.

Right now,

I know we are just freaking out over nothing

I know we are just going through a rough patch.

I know we can still make this work.

I know you and I will be fine tomorrow.

I know you didn’t mean it.

I know there’s still something here.

Right now,

I want to scream at the moon, and rip it from the sky.

I want to walk down the street and end anyone that gets in my way.

I want to find him and make him know what he’s done.

I want him to know the wrath of a vengeful and pissed off God.

I want to see him writhe in pain as I imbue his soul with fear.

I want him to only see death, only hear suffering, only beg for it to stop.

Right now,

I will give anything to see you.

I will steal every star in the sky for you.

I will write you a love letter with them.

I will go to the ends of the Universe for you.

I will give my life for you.

I will take back everything I said and did.

Right now,

I can only blame myself.

I can only see what I did.

I can only wish I did things differently.

I can hear what I said.

I can taste the blood on my lip.

I can feel my regrets building.

Right now,

I feel like I want to cry.

I feel like I want the sky to be permanently black.

I feel like I want the clouds to always be gray.

I feel as though all the storms in the world should be centered on me.

I feel the tsunamis washing over me

I feel the tornado of sharks ripping me to pieces.

Right now,

I hope this will be something we laugh about later.

I hope we can all be friends still.

I hope something like this doesn’t happen again.

I hope our lives will go back to normal.

I hope you are happy.

I hope that I can be too.

Walls

I like walls

Walls keep everything out

Walls keep everything away

You can go ahead and dig a hole

I’ll just build a wall

Anybody can fall down a hole

But nobody likes climbing walls

Everybody gets tired of trying to climb walls

So they try to break walls

I kept my wall up

And I was fine

But you kept hammering away at it

Bit by bit you chipped at it

Until you finally broke through

And just when you did

You left your mark.

I like walls

Walls keep everyone out

Walls keep everyone away

Instead of digging your hole

Instead of climbing my wall

You broke through it

You forced your way in

And now I’m left with a wall and a hole

And I’ll never be the same again.

My Menace

So this is a poem I wrote for a friend (who shall remain nameless)

I wake up

Knowing you’re there

I feel your presence

And expect your presents

What did you leave for me today?

A throbbing forehead

Blood-stained pillows

The hours spent keeping you at bay

Grant me no form of solace

You prevent me from being vain

But my hatred for you courses through my veins

My one true nemesis

(And I say that with emphasis)