iWill Date Freddie

Carly: Okay, now it’s time for a brand-new segment here on iCarly.
Sam: Which we call-
Carly & Sam: The Blab Cam!
Freddie: Actually, it’s really called the two-way high-speed video ca-
Sam: Well, we’re calling it the Blab Cam, so get used to it.

Valerie: Hey, is Freddie there? Can I see him?
Sam: Why would a person wanna see Freddie?
Freddie: Right here, Valerie.
Valerie: All right, can I just say I think you’re insanely cute?
Sam: Uh, Valerie, you might wanna check your webcam and your brain because I’m pretty sure one of em’s malfunctioning.

Sam: Yeah, it’s a new feature on iCarly which we call “Date the Dork.” Whadda ya say, Val?
Valerie: Well, I don’t think Freddie’s a dork, and I’d love to go on a date with him.
Freddie: *to Carly* You won’t be jealous?
Carly: I’ll try to be strong.
Freddie: *to Valerie* Yes!
Sam: All right, Valerie, just e-mail Freddie the address of the mental institution you’re locked up in and he’ll meet you there.

Sam: Just take the girl out, kiss her, then step back before she pukes.

Mrs. Benson: I’m so proud of you, I can’t believe it’s finally happening. Your first date!
Freddie: Moom!
Mrs. Benson: And with a girl!
Freddie: MOOM!
Sam: We’re all in shock.

Mrs. Benson: It seems somebody forgot our little rule.
Sam: What rule?
Freddie: Just skip it, all right?
Mrs. Benson: Freddie, tell her the rule about standing up straight.
Freddie: *sighs* …You won’t get respect if your back’s not erect.
Sam: *spits watermelon all over the table*

Freddie: I’m not even sure if I’m going on the date.
Sam: Yes you are.
Carly: You’re going.
Freddie: But what if she’s not-
Mrs. Benson: Freddie, there is a living breathing girl who wants to go out with you! This may never happen again! Unless… Carly changes her mind.
Carly: Freddie and I are just buds.
Mrs. Benson: I totally understand.
Carly: Thank you.
Freddie: MOOOM!

Sam: Okay, I’ll give you a thousand dollars for one picture of Freddie’s butt.

Carly: What, noodles can’t live happily in a hard corn shell?

Spencer: I’m cookin’, I’m cookin’ things, cookin’ things for people to eat. I’m cookin’, I’m cookin’ things, things that people will cheeeeew!

Spencer: Then just stare into her eyes and say nothing. That’ll make you seem all cool and mysterious. She’ll be, like, hypnotized!
Freddie: Yeah, I don’t really think that works. Because if I don’t say anything won’t she think I’m… won’t she think I’m… won’t she… just….
Spencer: What doesn’t really work?

Carly: I said to stall her!
Sam: She is stalled! I slammed the door right in her face!

Freddie: Hey, no one knows audio and video like Freddie-o!
Carly & Sam: *groan*

Carly: Good berries.
Sam: Well, it’s berry season.
Carly: I did not know that.

Freddie: Yep, we’ve gone out together almost every night this week. I’d say we’re almost officially boyfriend and girlfriend.
Sam: So which one are you?

Carly: So have you kissed her yet?
Freddie: Maybe, a little.
Sam: No way! Did she puke?

Sam: Man, I don’t think I have ever seen that kid when he wasn’t sneezing and… wasn’t there a dork next to me?

Freddie: But… Carly and Sam are my friends, I can’t just bail on ‘em.
Valerie: Um, from what you told me, Sam’s not your friend. You said she’s always calling you names and putting you down.
Freddie: I know, but she can’t help it! She’s just naturally vicious!

Jeremy: She kissed you! And she’s not even your mom!

Carly: Freddie quit!
Sam: Quit what? Sucking his thumb?

Sam: Freddie! Open up! We need to talk to you right now!
Freddie: *in high pitched voice* Uh, Freddie’s not here! I’m just a lady!
Carly: *to Sam* What are you doing?
Sam: Picking the lock.
Carly: How are you gonna pick the lock with a hairpin - oh, like that.

Carly: WHY are you quitting iCarly?!
Sam: Yeah, why?!
Freddie: Um, 'cause, 'cause… 'cause maybe I don’t like the way Sam treats me!
Carly: Oh, come on!
Freddie: Yeah, yeah, she’s - she’s always putting me down, and… and calling me mean names, and… and every time I get an ice cream cone she takes it and she licks it! She just licks it all over the place, just to bug me!

Carly: So you’re just going to ditch us for another webshow?!
Freddie: Valerie’s my girlfriend! What am I supposed to do?
Sam: Dump the chick! How about that?!

Valerie: Oh, and… don’t say anything. We wouldn’t want Carly to know about this.
Sam: I won’t.
*scene change*
Carly: She WHAT?!
Sam: That skunkbag tried to steal me too!

Carly: That little….
Sam: Say it.
Carly: I don’t like to say it. Spencer says it’s not lady-like.
Sam: Say it!
Carly: That skunkbag!
Sam: Feels good, doesn’t it?!
Carly: Yeah it does!
Sam: We gonna go tell Freddie?
Carly: Yeah we are!
Sam: Can we get a smoothie first?
Carly: No we cannot!

Freddie: You’re lying!
Sam: I don’t lie!
Carly: Yeah! Sam may be obnoxious and irresponsible, but she doesn’t lie! …Oh, you know I love you!

Freddie: You guys were right about her. She’s a skunksack.
Sam: Bag.
Freddie: Bag.

Carly: Tell him he’s just as important to the show as we are!
Sam: Aw, why don’t you just make me drink out of a toilet?!