Artwork for I Won’t Be the Same, by maydei

1999: Sam Winchester runs away from home at the age of sixteen. On a bus to anywhere, he meets Lucifer, and the two weave cross-country together in a brief but passionate affair.

2014: Sam is successful, engaged, and unhappy. He makes one last-ditch attempt to find Lucifer again. He’s got no last name and no address. All he does have is an old picture and the memories of every place they went together.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Consensual Underage Sex, Unsafe Sex, Smoking, Violence, Car Crash, Panic Attack, Suicidal Ideation, Homophobia

Artist’s note: It was a pleasure working with maydei. I haven’t drawn either of these characters much and it was wonderful to be able to tackle both of them on- especially in a manner that had me drawing them at different ages.

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 1

The best night of my life just ended. Fun.’s concert just finished and I was beaming. Waiting 8 hours in line to get the front row was worth it. All my screaming and singing along? I was gonna pay for that tomorrow morning, although my throat was already beginning to hurt. My legs were killing me as well, from standing for so long. But I didn’t care, it was all worth it. Walking another half hour to get home can’t make it any worse. The way I had to take home was through the backstreets. I was already terrified to go that way because of the amount of alleys and lack of street lights. I would much rather take a cab home, but my phone was dead. So I didn’t have a choice.

As I made my way around to the back side of the venue, I saw the boy’s tour buses parked in the back parking lot. There was security guarding the entry way, so there was no way that I was getting a picture or an autograph. I could hear them playfully yelling at each other as they played, what was my guess, basketball. “They’re such dorks, no wonder why I love them.” I thought

Once I passed the parking lot, I got extremely scared. I passed alley after alley, as they seemed to become darker and darker. I passed one and the loud bark of a dog startled me so bad that I threw myself against a wall to catch my breath. “It’s only a stupid dog..” I reminded myself
When I finally stopped shaking and calmed down, I continued on my way home. I was freaking out on the inside, hoping no one would try to grab me from the depths of one of the alleys, but I tried to stay calm on the outside. The silence was giving me an eery feeling. I looked behind me and I could still see the lights from the tour buses shine onto the street.

That split second decision was a horrible one. Just as I turned around I felt a hand grab my waist and the other, my mouth. I was thrown into the alley, terrified. I sat up quickly, about to yell, my throat hurt so much. I didn’t know if I could muster enough power to scream loud enough for someone to hear, but I did. Just as I screamed the man slapped my face with so much force that I slammed back into ground, hitting my head, in tears, as I held my left cheek. “SHUT THE FUCK UP BEFORE I HURT YOU!” He yelled at me
He pinned me down and started undoing his pants as I kicked and flailed around, trying to break free. I let out another scream as he slapped me again and pulled out a knife. “WHAT DID I JUST SAY!?” He screamed
“You better fucking shut up or I’ll stab you.” He said through gritted teeth

I could barely see his face, though the moonlight was enough for me to see that he had bright blue eyes, some stubble on his chin and that he was missing a tooth. He grabbed my breast while trying to kiss me but I punched him until he hit me again.


Everything that happened next was a blur. I heard foot steps sprinting down the street, as they got louder, I heard yelling and the next thing I knew, he stabbed my thigh and the pain shot up my leg but I felt him pull the knife out and stab me a second time, in my left shoulder as I laid immobile on the ground in searing pain and tears, shaking violently. I felt his weight lift off of me and heard the sound of his running footsteps become quieter.

Tears filled my eyes as my vision was blurred. I felt the blood pouring out of my shoulder and gushing from my thigh. I gently felt around it, I sensed the knife and let out a cry for help. I heard someone run to me.
“Oh my god! Are you ok? what happened!?” He asked
I was in shock and terrified that he’d try to hurt me too.
“DON’T TOUCH ME!” I cried
“Shhhh.. No it’s ok, I’m not going to hurt you. I’m Nate. I want to help you. Jack and Andrew are calling 911 ok? The ambulance is on it’s way, you’ll be ok.” He reassured me
I blinked the tears from my eyes as I held my arm in pain. I was shaking violently and gasping for air. He took off his shirt and placed it over the wound on my thigh, applying pressure to stop the bleeding.
“Shhh.. Deep breaths, take deep breaths.” He said softly
I tried my best, but it was extremely hard.
“What’s your name?” He asked
“Aubrey Scott.” I whispered

The ambulance arrived and they were putting me on the stretcher as careful as possible, trying not to move the knife. I was still in tears as I barely heard Nate talking to Jack and Andrew. “I’ll ride with her to the hospital and stay with her overnight. You guys can drive down after if you want, or come by tomorrow morning. Either way I’ll be there.” was all I heard

He spoke to the medics and then climbed in, holding my hand in attempt to calm me down. I could feel myself getting weaker and paler as I continued to lose blood. It was getting harder for me to stay awake. I heard a beeping noise and Nate got worried. “What’s happening?” He asked
“We’re losing her, she’s lost a lot of blood.” He said to Nate
“Hang on sweetie, you can do it, fight it.” She said to me

Everything was becoming blurry as they rushed me though the halls of the hospital. All I could remember was seeing lights and hearing slurred voices, though not being able to understand what was said. Then, I blacked out.

How do you guys like it so far? I really want feedback! I have chapter 2 about half done already, so I may post it tomorrow if you guys liked this!

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 2

I woke up, slowly blinking my eyes while trying to adjust to the bright lights. “Where am I?” I asked
I went to rub my eyes but it hurt too much to move my left arm and I screamed in pain.
Nate’s head rose and I saw his bloodshot eyes as relief filled the emptiness that lied deep within.

“Aubrey! You’re ok! Oh thank god you’re awake! I haven’t slept all night, I stayed up incase you were to wake up. I was so worried.. You’re in the hospital..” A tear fell from his cheek

I just dawned on me that Nate Ruess; my hero, the man that saved my life now, twice, was sitting at the edge of my hospital bed, worried about me.

“N-Nate.. Y-you’re… You’re N-Nate R-Ruess..” I said, my voice shaky

“And you’re Aubrey Scott… Which is a beautiful name by the way.” He said jokingly

“B-but.. How.. Why.. W-what happened…” I froze

I remembered it all, vividly. I was starting to have a panic attack as my breathing got more rapid. Nate yelled for a nurse.

“Stop! Make it stop!” I screamed

I shut my eyes tight, trying to make the memories of last night disappear, but to no avail.
I was screaming and violently shaking, terrified. It all seemed so real. The tears streamed down my face and the pain from my wounds was intense.
I heard the nurse come running over. She placed her hand on my wrist and a wet cloth on my forehead.

“Shhh sweetie.. It’s ok, you’re ok. No one’s going to hurt you here.” She said softly

I quickly opened my eyes while scanning the room, trying to catch my breath.

“B-but.. H-he.. The m-man.. He was just h-here…” I blinked multiple times because this didn’t feel like reality.

I saw the look of pain & sympathy in Nate’s eyes as his hand was over his mouth. He was trying fight back tears.

“Nurse…” I choked

“Can I have something for the pain..” I clenched my jaw

“Of course hon..” She got up and left

I had a blank look on my face as Nate slowly came over. I turned to him.

“Nate… You didn’t have to do that… You don’t even know me.” I whispered, my voice raspy

“But I wanted to..” He looked into my eyes

His eyes, although still bloodshot, were as beautifully green as ever. And I lost myself for a moment. I couldn’t believe it. I, Aubrey Scott, here with Nate Ruess. And he wants to get to know me.

“Nate… I remember last night.. In the ambulance… You were all bloody… Was that all mine? I asked, shocked

"Yes… You lost a lot of blood last night.. But you’re ok now, see?” He pointed to the sack of blood hanging beside the bed.

“I almost died.” I said blankly, staring at my hands

“Thank you.. Nate. For saving my life..” I continued

“You’re the one that kept fighting.. I had nothing to do with that.” He smiled

“I’m glad you’re still alive though..” He finished

I let out a sigh, “I’m glad I am, but at the same time I’m not..” I choked

“What do you mean?” He said in a hurt tone

“I’ve been wanting to die for a while Nate… But not like that. But I’m glad I’m still alive now because I’m with you… And I wanted to thank you, you know, for saving my life with your music. Though I know I’m not the only life you’ve saved…”

I saw Nate shed a tear as he sniffled.
“Aubrey I’m sorry… I-I didn’t know..” He whispered

“It’s ok Nate.. Right now is what matters, ok?” I said softly

There was an awkward silence before I broke it.

“What time is it?” I whispered

“11:30, Jack and Andrew should be here soon.”

I coughed violently, a little blood dripping from my mouth. I felt extreme pain in my shoulder and my chest as I collapsed back onto the bed, letting out an uneasy moan.
Nate grabbed my hand and looked me in the eyes. I could see the pain in his.

“Hon… Just rest, take a nap.” He said softly

“I-I can’t, Nate… He comes back in my dreams… Don’t let me fall asleep..” I whimpered

The nurse came back with the morphine and hooked it up. I felt instant relief as I closed my eyes and let out a sigh. I sunk down into the pillows.

“I know this seems crazy Aubrey…” He started

I opened my eyes. “Please.. Call me Bree.” I whispered

“Sorry, Bree… I just.. Last night, during the show… I saw you there in the front row. You smiled at me and I smiled back, remember?” I slowly shook my head

“And well.. God you’re gonna think I’m crazy… I thought that you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen.. That it was love at first sight..” He trailed off

My eyes widened. “What?” I said, surprised

“I knew you’d think I was crazy.” he said
He bit his top lip and stared at his feet

“Nate no, not at all… I just didn’t think that it’d be me… Of all people…” The tone of my voice was uneasy

“But then I thought I’d never see you again.. But last night.. When I found you… I thought it was fate.. But, seeing you like that… It hurt me…” His voice got quieter

“Nate I… I don’t know what to say…” I coughed, and took a deep breath
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but I liked where it was going.

“Then don’t say anything, Bree. Just listen, ok?”

I shook my head and he came and kneeled beside the bed near my head, holding my hand.

“I want to see how this would work out.. I want to give this a chance. I want to give us a chance. To see if love at first sight truly does exist… Will you give us a chance?” I could see how much he was hoping that I’d say yes.
I shook my head yes.
Just then, Jack and Andrew walked in.

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 10

I stared at the man. He was wearing loose jeans and a hoodie. The hood was up so I couldn’t see his face. I could hear mumbling from the boys in the background but I was zoning out, trying to focus on the man. He lifted his head slightly and I saw that his chin was covered in stubble. His mouth came into sight and I saw a sly smile spread across his lips. I could see that he was missing a tooth.
“No, no it can’t be him. He doesn’t even know me… how could he even find me.” I thought

I felt my breaths become deeper as he pulled his hood off of his head. His hair was a buzz cut. He started to look up and I froze. He stared at me with the bright blue eyes, that had scarred me. I screamed, loudly. The boys jumped from their seats and turned to where I was looking.

“What happened Bree?” Andrew asked
I turned around to them.
“He-he…. The man..” I looked back across the street.
“H-he was right there…” I whispered

The man was gone. But I knew that he was right there, I saw him.

“Bree there’s.. There’s no one there..” Jack said calmly

“B-but h-he was just there! I-I saw him!”

“Are you sure you didn’t just imagine it?” Andrew said softly

“I-I don’t know…” I whispered

I stared blankly at the other side of the street, trying to process what just happened. The shock made me completely forget how cold I was. When I realized, I started shaking.

“Take my sweater Bree.” Nate insisted

He took off his sweater and and gently placed it over my shoulders and around my arms.

“No Nate, you need it. Plus it’s your sweater.” I said

“No Bree, keep it on until I come back.” Nate handed me his hot chocolate and rose from his seat
“Drink some, stay warm.” He said and he went inside

“Where’s he going?” I asked

“I’m not sure, I guess we’ll see.” Andrew said

I sipped some of his hot chocolate, careful not to drink it all. Nate came back a few minutes later, carrying something purple wrapped up with a gold bow. He sat back down and pulled the bow off of it and placed it on me. It was a soft purple blanket.

“Nate I… You didn’t have to buy me a blanket!

"You’re cold, you need it. It’s fine.” He reassured me

“Then wear your sweater. You need it now.” I insisted

I started to take it off of my right shoulder but Nate took it off me and kissed my cheek. I blushed. I saw Andrew smile from the corner of my eye. I handed the hot chocolate back to Nate.

The sun was out today, a few clouds here and there, but for the most part it stayed sunny. The air was brisk and the breeze made it seem as though my hair was dancing with the wind. Leaves gracefully floated in the air while falling off of the trees. The sound of dead leaves being crushed was calming, even though I was still spooked. The blanket Nate bought me was warm. Even though I didn’t feel as safe as I did when I was in Nate’s arms, it was enough to keep me calm. I didn’t see the man for the remainder of the time that spent outside. I’m starting to believe that maybe I did imagine it. We started to make our way back inside and Andrew asked me if I still wanted something from Tim Horton’s. I told him a medium iced Capp. He brought to me and we made our way back up.

“What’s in an iced Capp anyway? I’ve never had one.” Nate asked

“I’m not even sure, I know there’s milk and then some coffee thing. Try it, it’s good.” I handed it to Nate

He took a sip and his face lit up.

“Holy shit this is great!” He exclaimed

“Mind if I try some?” Andrew asked

“Me too?” Added Jack

“Yeah sure, go ahead!”

They had the same reaction as Nate and I giggled as Jack handed the iced Capp back to me.

We got back into the room and I got out of the wheelchair and hopped back to my bed, I brought my blanket with me. Nate sat in a chair and Jack and Andrew were getting ready to leave.

“Where are you guys going?” I asked

“To get some stuff.. It’s a surprise. We’ll be back later.” Jack said

They left the room and I looked at Nate.

“Well what are you waiting for? Come lay down with me.” I smiled

“Alright, do you want to watch tv?” He asked

“Sure, maybe my story’s on the news, who knows.” I said

Nate grabbed the remote and I scooted over. We snuggled together under my blanket and he turned on the news. Police were at the crime scene and officer Jones was one of them. The reporter was on the street.

“Local 22 year old, Aubrey Scott, from team Canada: women’s soccer, was sexually assaulted and stabbed twice, here in this alley in downtown Toronto, on October 19th, while walking home from the fun. concert that night. Sources say that the boys from fun., Nate Ruess, Jack Antonoff and Andrew Dost, heard screaming and ran from the parking lot just down the street where their tour buses were. She’s in the hospital now and in stable condition.” The reporter said

Officer Jones appeared on screen but I was paying attention to the background, where I could see blood stains on the ground. I heard his last sentence, “If you see this man, contact Toronto police, or if you prefer to remain anonymous, you can contact crime stoppers at 1-800-222-8477.” Then Zack’s sketch showed up on screen.

I clutched onto Nate. He quickly changed the channel to SpongeBob.

“Nate… If he sees that he’ll know my name…. He’ll know where to find me… He’ll come back for me…” I panicked

Nate hugged me, “No he won’t. You’re safe here.” He whispered


Hehehehehehe veronica & Morgyane xD

I also need to get writing siivjsnkdknwbdnnxnqbdofiwbnebdqb

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 25

We pulled up to the Ritz.

“Holy shit you’re staying at the Ritz!?” I asked, completely astonished

“Yeah.. Best hotel in Toronto I assume?” He laughed

“One of the most expensive! Holy shit…” I whispered

I’ve always wanted to go inside. Any stars visiting Toronto usually stay here, I know they do for TIFF. I had waited out here for hours one time hoping to get someone’s autograph.
The doorman recognized him immediately and gracefully opened the cab door. Nate got out, unfolded the wheelchair as the doorman retrieved my bags from the trunk for me and Nate helped me back into my seat. A bellhop came out with a luggage cart and placed my bags on it. We walked through the beautiful and elegant lobby over to the elevators.

“What room, sir?” He asked

“752.” Nate said

He went into the elevator first and Nate and I followed. He carefully pressed the button for the 7th floor. It was an awkward, quiet ride up.

We exited the elevator and made our way down the hall. Nate pulled out his key card and opened the door. He wheeled me in and the bellhop followed. He placed my bags on the floor and Nate tipped him 5$.

“Thank you.” He said

“Anytime.” Nate replied

The bellhop left and I looked around the luxurious suite.
There was a king sized bed up against the wall, numerous chairs, as well as a couch, all positioned to face what looked to be a 72 inch flat screen tv. The kitchen was all stainless steel appliances, the bathroom had a standing shower and jacuzzi tub. And an elegant sink was on the counter, under beautiful lights hanging from the mirror.
Nate wheeled me into the part of the room with the bed. I lifted myself from my wheelchair and sunk into the soft mattress and sighed.

“Holy shit Nate!” I laughed

“Nice, huh?” He said while digging through his suitcase.

He pulled out some clothes and made his way to the bathroom.

“I’ll be back!” He said

“I’ll be here! I replied

I almost fell asleep laying on the bed, it felt so much nicer than the crappy hospital bed that I had been on for over a week.

Nate came back out after a few minutes and he looked so handsome.

"Nate, I… Wow..” I looked him up and down.

Even though he was wearing pretty simple clothes; nice but simple black dress pants, a purple dress shirt and a black tie. He had a black jacket draped over his arm.

“I thought we should match.” He laughed

“Well you look great.” I smiled

“Come on, let’s go eat, you must be starving by now.” He said as he reached for my hand to help me up.

“Oh I am, but that’s ok, I didn’t mind waiting.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him down onto the bed.

“Neither did I.” He kissed my forehead as he laughed

“Nate..” We both sat up

He took my feet and gently swung them around so that my legs were over his and he held me.

“What, baby?” He said softly

“Nothing.. I just wanted to tell you that I love you.” I whispered as I kissed him

“I love you too.” He breathed as he kissed back

He picked me up bridal style and set me back down in my wheelchair.

“So where are we headed?” I asked

“It’s a surprise.” He winked

“No no no no no I hate surprises tell me!” I laughed

“Nope!” He smiled

We made our way back downstairs as Nate called a taxi.

The doorman opened the taxi door for us and Nate helped me in. Somehow word got out, because paparazzi started to gather around as our taxi drove off.

“Shit, I’m sorry Bree. I didn’t think they’d find us that fast.” He said

“They’re the paparazzi, what do you expect? Besides, I’m kind of used to it anyway.” I laughed

I held Nate’s hand the whole way. I was full of excitement because I didn’t know where Nate was taking me. We stopped on the street below the CN tower.
“Are we… Are we eating in the CN tower?”

Nate helped me out of the cab.

“That was the plan, is that ok?” He asked, concerned

“Oh yes, it’s fine! I’ve always wanted to eat here… But don’t you need a reservation?” I asked

We got into the elevator and started to make our way up.

“I already made one.” He smiled


“After you agreed to a date.” He kissed my cheek

“I figured you would’ve been out soon.. Because you were doing so well. But I chose tonight just in case, and I guess I picked right.” He said

“Awe Nate..”

Once we made it to the top, we made our way down to the restaurant.

“Reservation for 2, under Nate Ruess.” He said

“Ah, yes of course. This way please.” The man at the front of the house said

The waiter removed one of the chairs and Nate placed me there and sat down across the table.

“So.. Do you want your own food, or do you want to share something?” He asked

“What ever you want is fine.” I said softly

“Well.. I was thinking of having steak. What about you?”

“I’m actually craving noodles, to be honest.” I giggled

“Ok, you can have noodles, Bree.” He smiled

“What do you want to drink?” He asked

“Oh, just water.”


The waiter came back, placed a basket of breadsticks on the table and asked us what we wanted to drink.

“We’ll both have water.” Nate said

“Perfect. Are you ready to order, or will you need a few more minutes?” He asked with his heavy French accent

“No, I think we’re good.” He said

“Alright, Madame, what will you be having this evening?”

“Um.. The seafood linguine, please.”

“And for you Monsieur?”

“The steak, medium rare, please.”

“Of course.” He closed his notepad and left

“Anything planned after this?” I asked

“Maybe.” He smirked

“Awe come on! Tell me!” I whined

“Nope! It’s another surprise.” He laughed

“Nate!” I angrily grabbed a breadstick as I forcefully took a bite, trying to hide my smile.

“Bree I know you’re not mad, I can see your cute smile.” He grabbed a breadstick and mimicked me.

“Stop it!” I laughed

“Stop it!” He mimicked back

I gave him a death stare while trying not to laugh and he did the same.
I took another bite of my breadstick as he did too.

“These are actually really good.” He said as he ate the rest of it.

He grabbed another one and proceeded to playfully stare at me again.

I started to get a headache, a bad one. But I wasn’t gonna ruin our date and tell him, he looked so happy.

I unrolled my utensils from the napkin and placed the napkin on my lap. I took a slightly anxious sip of water. I was scared that Nate was going to ask me what was wrong, I had to make sure I didn’t look like I was in pain.

The waiter came back with our food and placed it on table.

“Voilà!” He said

“Thank you.” I replied

“Thanks.” Said Nate

Nate picked up his steak knife and his fork and dove right in. I opened up all of the mussels and placed the shells on an extra plate. I ate all of the shrimp, mussels and scallops before I even touched the noodles.

“Hey Bree this is really good, do you want try some?” Nate asked

I swallowed my mouthful of linguine, “Obviously! ” I laughed

Nate held the fork across the table with a juicy piece of meat on the end. I snatched it off with my mouth and began to chew.

I swallowed it, “Holy shit this is good! Mm!”

I spun some pasta onto my fork, “I already ate all of the seafood, but do you wanna try the pasta? The sauce is great.” I said

He nodded and I stretched my fork across the table, extending the fork as close to Nate as possible and he took a bite.

“Mm! That’s really good!”

“I know.” I winked

The pounding and pressure in my head was quickly getting worse so I rested my head on my arm as I twisted the noodles around my fork.
It hurt so bad that I was holding back tears.

Nate looked at me, his smile turning into a frown, “Bree what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m fine.” I choked

“Bree, don’t lie to me. You’re obviously in pain, what is it?” He said softly

“I don’t wanna say it, it’ll ruin the date..” I whispered

“No it won’t, I promise.”

I sighed, “I have a really bad headache and it’s getting worse..” I felt a tear fall

“Bree it’s ok. We can go back to the hotel if you want when we’re done eating ok?”

“No… You had something planned and my stupid concussion is going to ruin it..”

“We can always do it another day Bree. It’s alright, I promise.” He looked into my eyes hoping for an agreeing response.

I put my head down and blinked away the tears, “Ok…” I whispered

“Baby don’t cry..” His voice cracked

“Nate, don’t cry too… No…” I looked up

“I just feel really bad..” I said

“Don’t. It’s ok. We’ll do it when you’re feeling better.” He said softly

I ate the rest of the linguine and Nate finished his steak.

“Bree do you want to share dessert, or do you want to go back to the hotel?”

“I think I can suck it up for dessert.”

“Ok, pick whatever you want and we can share it, ok?”

I scanned the dessert menu, “Cheesecake?” I asked

“Sure.” He smiled

The waiter came back with perfect timing. “Anything else this evening?” He asked as he picked up our plates.

“We’ll have the New York style cheesecake, please.” Nate said

“A fine choice.” He said as he left

“What did you have planned anyway, Nate?” I asked

“Nothing too fancy, a walk in the park. Maybe a stroll downtown.” He smiled softly

“Tonight would’ve been perfect… I’m sorry, Nate..”

“Bree please stop apologizing, it’s not your fault. We’ll do it another time.” He said as he stroked my hand

The waiter came back with our cheesecake and placed two forks on the table.

“Voilà, bonne apétit!” He smiled and returned to the kitchen

We each picked up a fork and took a piece.

“I really love cheesecake.” I admitted

“That’s good, because I do too.” He laughed

We finished it and the waiter brought back our cheque. Nate paid and we made our way back down to the street. All the lights from downtown Toronto always looked so beautiful at night, especially around Christmas time; which I was excited for, even though Halloween hasn’t even happened yet. We waved down a cab and got in.

Once we were back at the hotel, I opened up my suitcase and Nate did the same and we both grabbed our pajamas. I grabbed my toothbrush and toothpaste from my bag and Nate helped me into the bathroom.

“Call me if you need help.” He insisted

“I’ll be fine, Nate.” I assured him

I closed the door and took off my clothes. I threw on my pajama pants and an oversized t-shirt. I took off my makeup and I brushed my teeth. Standing for so long started to make me a little dizzy, but I managed to stay up.

I finished and opened the door. And Nate helped me slowly walk back over to the bed. My leg did still hurt, but it was getting better.

“The bathroom’s all yours Nate. Don’t be long.” I blushed

“I won’t.” He said

I waited underneath the covers as I heard the toilet flush and then the sink run. A few minutes later Nate emerged, shirtless. He ran his fingers through his hair, “I forgot my shirt out here.” He chuckled

“That’s ok.” I bit my lip

“Is it now?” He smirked

“It is.” I said

“Well alright then.” He winked

He grabbed his shirt anyway, but placed it on the floor beside him and climbed into bed.

I nuzzled up against him and traced my finger along his chest.

“Tonight was perfect, Nate. Even though we didn’t get to do everything you wanted…” I said

“Sorry.” I whispered

“Bree I want you to know this. I don’t care what we’re doing, as long as it’s with you.” He whispered

I sat up, “Y-you mean it?” I asked

He sat up too, “Of course.” He said

“I love you.” He gently kissed my lips.

“I love you too.” I breathed

My left hand rested on his chest and my right hand was behind his head, pulling him closer. He was holding my waist while also running his hands up and down my sides.
My breathing was getting heavier as was his, while he kissed his way up my neck. I gasped, squeezing his back as shivers shot up my spine.

But then I remembered, “Shit Nate, my medication!” I pulled back
He looked a little disappointed but kissed my cheek, “I’ll get it.” He said softly
He threw on his shirt and made his way into the kitchen to get a glass of water. He brought it back over to me and then made his way to his bag and pulled out the bottles. He made his way back to the bed and took two pills from each bottle, then handed them to me. I took the first two as Nate carefully read the labels and put four of the five bottles back in his bag and the second two just as he came back. He placed the one on the table beside him.

“If you need one of these, wake me. I’ll open it for you.” He whispered

“Ok..” I whispered back

I took the remaining 4 pills and I snuggled back up against Nate.

“I wish I could stay in your arms forever.” I murmured

“Forever sounds nice.” He whispered

“It would be nice.” I sighed

We both drifted off to sleep. But not too soon after, I was already having a nightmare. I was back in the alley, covered in blood. But I felt no pain. I heard rustling around the dumpsters and began to run. I ran for what seemed like forever, yelling for help, but not passing a single soul. I woke up, I was back in the hotel room now, laying in bed. I heard a drawer open from the kitchen, but I didn’t see anyone. My breathing was getting heavy, but I tried my best not to make a sound. I heard the footsteps come towards me and I froze.

“Aubrey.” The voice said

Him. It was him. He was here.

“Don’t think that you can run away from me that easily.” He said

“What do you want from me! Just leave me alone!” I cried

“Oh Aubrey, you know I can’t do that.” He pouted

He placed the knife in front of my eyes.

“Now… We can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

He raised the knife, ready to tear through my skin.

“Don’t! Stop it!” I screamed

“Nate!” I cried

I felt my eyelids fly open. I scanned the room, he wasn’t there. Nate was getting a pill for me.

“Shhh… Shhh… Bree, it’s ok. You’re safe. It’s only us here.” He whispered

I took the pill, spilling some water on myself because my hands were shaking.

“Baby just try to sleep. It’ll be better in the morning.” He murmured as he laid back down.

I quietly got up to go to the bathroom, my head spinning. I got to the wall right before the doorway and I felt myself fall as I slammed into the wall, then hitting the floor. I heard Nate fly out of bed, “Bree?”

“Bree!” He ran over

I was conscious, just extremely dizzy and light headed. Everything was blurry.

“Nate..” I managed to say

“Oh thank god you’re ok..” He was trying to catch his breath.

“H-help me…” I choked

He gently picked me up bridal style and slowly carried me back to bed.
I heard him sniffle.

“Nate a-are you crying? Please don’t cry..” I whispered, my voice a little raspy

“Bree you scared me… Please wake me next time…” He said quietly

“I-I will…. I’m sorry.” I said

“It’s not your fault.” He replied

I laid back down, resting my head on his chest with my arm draped across him, as his arm around was around me. I could hear his heart racing, as it slowly became calmer. I drifted off to sleep again.

I woke up that morning, my head pounding. I groaned as I sat up, my hand pressed against the side of my head.

“Good morning baby… How are you feeling?” He brought me some tea

“Better, except my head is killing me. W-what happened last night?” I asked

“You had another panic attack, so I gave you the pill and you took it. I tried to go back to sleep and you got up to go to the bathroom. Before I knew it, I heard thumps and I jumped up from the bed and found you on the ground. You were conscious though, thank god.” He said

I tried to process what Nate just said, “Wait, so… I didn’t pass out, or collapse… My legs gave out?” I asked

“That would be my guess.” He said

I had a disappointed look on my face.

“Well, we’re on our way to Ohio today. You can rest on the bus in my bunk, or on the couch with me if you want.” He said

“Can we just cuddle?” I pouted

“Anything for you.” He said softly

We both got dressed and Nate called the front desk to get the assistance of a bellhop. Once he arrived with a luggage cart, we all made our way downstairs. The buses were parked out back, so the bellhop lead us that way. The bus driver helped load the luggage into the bus and Nate helped me up the steps and sat me down on the couch. He then went back to grab my wheelchair. Everyone else filed out from the back of the bus.

“Bree!” Emily screamed

She ran up to hug me and it made me feel so much better. Everyone else came over smiling.

“I take it you guys missed me?” I laughed

“Of course we missed you!” She squealed

“Welcome to the band, Aubrey.” Andrew said

“Wait what?”

“You’re in the band!” Jack said

“Holy shit are you kidding me!?”

“No! We’re serious!” Nate said

I screamed with excitement and rose from the couch and jumped on Nate, making us both fall onto the couch adjacent to the one that I was on.

I kissed him all over.
“Thank you, Nate! Thank you!” I hugged him tightly.

I heard giggles from everyone, I looked up.

“Thank you.” I was so happy that I started to cry.

I wiped the tears from my eyes and Nate kissed my cheek, then lifted me up and everyone joined in for a group hug.

The bus driver walked over.

“Is everyone ready? We’re to leave in 5 minutes.” He said

Everyone said yes and the driver nodded and left.

We all sat down on the couches and I rested myself against Nate.

“I think we’re gonna have a great tour.” He said

“I agree.” Said Nattie

“Me too.” Added Will

“I’ll finally have a girl to talk to!” Emily said as she laughed, I laughed too.

The roar of the engine echoed in my ears as the driver started the bus. It died down as we started to move.

I looked to Nate, “I’m excited, baby.” I whispered

“Me too, baby. I love you so much.” He said before he kissed me.

I cupped his face and kissed him back.

“I love you too.” I sighed

Before I knew it, we were on the highway on our way to Ohio.


The longest chapter of them all, the final chapter! I hope you guys enjoyed the story, I’ll be starting a sequel; The Moon Is On My Side.

I hope you guys will want to read it! It’ll be fluffier than this one (hehehehehehe Veronica)

I wanna thank Veronica (nottheghost-youaretome), Morgyane (sight-of-thesun) and Krista (girlwhosleepswithlogs) for always giving me feedback and for reading my story!

It means a lot!

And to anyone else that still reads this, feedback is always appreciated!

Stay tuned for TMIOMS c:

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 18

I opened my mouth to scream as loud as I could from the top of my lungs but nothing came out. He started to walk towards me, aiming the bloody knife towards my heart.
I wanted this to stop right now, I had to be dreaming. Nate said he wouldn’t come for me, he told me so. This can’t be real.
He stood above me, ready to bring the knife down to pierce my heart. I watched the knife come down, I couldn’t move because I was frozen with fear. Just before it tore through my chest, my eyes shot open as I screamed a second time and I was back in reality. I was sweating, vigorously shaking and gasping for air while clutching the sheets. Everyone rushed over to my bed.

I couldn’t stop screaming. “STOP! MAKE IT STOP!” I threw my head side to side with my eyes shut tight.
I finally stopped screaming and my eyes were open again, frantically scanning the room. My breaths were loud and my heart felt like it was going to rip out of my chest.

“What’s wrong?” “What happened?” “Bree are you ok?” I was swarmed with questions but I was in so much shock that I couldn’t speak.
Nate held my hand I looked him in the eyes. Mine were wide, I could tell it made him uncomfortable. I felt completely disconnected from everything.
“Bree it’s ok. You’re ok. Look we’re all safe, you’re safe. He’s not here.” He reassured me

Nattie had ran out to get Betty and she rushed back over.

“It’s alright she’s just having a severe panic attack.” She said

She looked to me, “You’re safe Aubrey. It was just a dream, you’re alright.” She said

“I’ll be back.” She said as she headed for the door

I tried so hard to believe them, really I did. But it all seemed so real. I felt like he was in the hospital waiting until everyone was gone. It made me sick to my stomach and I slapped my shaking hand over my mouth and signaled for a garbage can with the other. I barely grasped the can in time, violently coughing until whatever was left in my stomach came back up. I trembled as I threw up, crying in the process. Nate silently held back my hair and Will brought me a towel to wipe my face with and Andrew grabbed me some water. I felt too weak, I couldn’t even bring the cup up to my mouth, let alone drink it. I could feel how pale I was now, and by the look of pain on everyone’s faces, I must’ve looked worse than I thought.

“I…I… H-he.. T-the d-door…” My trembling finger pointed to the doorway, then I looked to Nate.

“N-Nate.. I-I…” I couldn’t form any sentences and I was just spitting out words.

Betty came back and placed a cold, wet cloth on my head and made me lay back down as she opened a bottle of pills.
“Shhhh hon breathe. Get your breathing back to normal first before you talk alright?”

She took out a pill and placed it in my hand.

“Take this.” She whispered

I hesitantly placed it in my mouth and she handed me the cup of water from the side table.

I swallowed it and looked around.

“W-what happened while I-I was out..” I asked anxiously

I started to feel relaxed.

“Nate stayed by your side and we all gave you space.” Tegan said

“You got paler and your heart rate plummeted.. We got really scared.. Nate was crying and were all freaking out on the inside.” Andrew added

Nate looked at me with his bloodshot eyes, “Then your heart rate sky rocketed and you woke up screaming..” He whispered

“It… It all seemed so real… I-I… Nate y-you… H-he…” I couldn’t keep talking because the lump in my throat got too big and I was holding back tears.

“Shhh.. Baby.. Just say it when you feel comfortable.. There’s no rush.” Nate said softly

The soft tone in which he said those words made me feel safe.

“I-I’m not saying it until I’m in your arms Nate..” I whimpered

Nate came around to the other side and laid down with me.

“C-can I just tell Nate privately first?” I asked

“Of course. Come on guys.” Jack said as they all walked out into the hall.

Nate hugged me tightly and stroked my hair.

“Alright Bree.. What happened?”

“Well… What you guys said happened, is what I saw. I-I saw myself there. I thought I was dead..” I whispered

“Then the room got dark and it was only us two left and I was still passed out…” I continued

“But I could see someone standing in the doorway… I-it was h-him.. Th-the man… H-he had a knife..” I took a deep breath

“H-he came in and threatened to kill me… But y-you too if y-you didn’t leave…” My heart started to race

Nate’s grip grew tighter. “Shhh Bree it’s alright, take your time.” He said calmly

“You yelled at him not to touch me and to leave. Then I woke up there but I was frozen, I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream… I-I was starting to have a panic attack a-and I was crying… And he s-said to me that I could watch him k-kill you…”

“Then you turned around to me a-and he… H-he…” I couldn’t say it

“He what, Bree?”

“H-he stabbed you from behind and r-ripped out the knife and came at me! Y-you were on the floor in a pool of blood!” I screamed

It was playing back in my head and I was terrified. I felt Nate tense up. I was crying loudly and choking on air. Everyone rushed back in.

“Is everything alright!?” Sara asked

“Everything’s fine. We’re fine.” Nate said blankly

I knew he was lying. He was scared, I could tell by the tone of his voice.

“Can you tell us what happened Nate? Judging by what we heard, I don’t think Aubrey can.” Andrew said

I looked up, my bloodshot eyes adding to my traumatized expression. My lip was trembling and I was still sniffling. Nate got off the bed and led them out into the hall. He looked as though he was completely disconnected from reality, his facial expression said so.

Betty silently brought in my dinner and placed it on the table over my lap.

“Betty wait..” I said

It was hard for me to get words out.
“I-I… I’m not hungry.” I said disappointingly

“Hon you need to eat.. You’re weak.” She pleaded

“I know.. But I just throw it up… What’s wrong with me?” I started to cry

“I’m not sure… It could just be from the panic attacks you’ve been having.. They have been pretty bad.. And you know, your concussion just adds to it. We may have to do some more tests if you’re worse tomorrow.” She said with a frown

“No… No.. I want to go home..” I cried

“Well… You’re getting your stitches out in an hour. After that you can sleep. We’ll see how you are tomorrow.” She said

She picked up my tray and left. I reached for the cup of water on the side table as everyone came back into the room. Nate’s eyes were redder than before. I lifted the cup, my hand still shaking, as water spilled over the sides and landed on the floor. I couldn’t get it to my mouth, my arm was trembling too much. The cup slipped from my hand and water exploded onto the floor. Everyone looked at me and I started bawling. Emily came and sat on my bed with me.

“Bree it’s ok. You’ll be out of here in no time, ok?” She said as she have me a hug

“Where’s Nate? Is he ok?” I asked

“He’s fine.. He’s just a little shaken, that’s all.” She answered

“Can I talk to him.” I whispered

“Of course.” Emily got up from the bed and went to get Nate.

He sat down on my bed and he looked slightly pale.

“Nate… I..”

“It’s ok, Bree… It was just a dream, right? It’s not gonna happen..” His voice was shaky

“Nate.. I can tell you’re scared. You don’t have to hide it.. I’m terrified…” I admitted

“… Even though that’s already obvious.” I finished

“I think we should get you a therapist.. You know, maybe get the nightmares to stop…” He said gently

“I-I want them to stop..” I whimpered

“Alright. That’s good.. I’ll find you a therapist, ok? This’ll stop soon.” He whispered

I hugged him tightly. At this point; even though I’d love to stay alive and be with Nate, I’d rather be dead. These flashbacks and nightmares are triggering panic attacks that could kill me. I’ve been too weak to move, I’m not hungry anymore and I can’t keep any food that I force myself to eat, down.
I was jumpy all the time, scared that he’ll actually show up. I was scared that all of the nightmares that I’d had would come true. I didn’t want to live like this anymore. I couldn’t do it.



Morgyane I’m looking at you omg

((Totally not sorry))

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 6

“Um, well I was leaving the fun. concert, but I had to walk home because my phone was dead so I couldn’t call a cab. I had to take the backstreets to get home, which I was already scared of. I passed their tour buses and then alley after alley. I turned around and I could still see the light from the buses shining on the street…” I trailed off

“I’m sorry I need a minute..” I whispered

“It’s alright, take your time.” Officer Jones said calmly

Nate made his way over to the right side of my bed, pulled up a chair and sat down. He grabbed my hand and stroked it gently. I took a deep breath and continued.

“Just as I turned around… A man grabbed me from behind. Putting one hand over my mouth, the other on my waist and he threw me into the alley…”
I felt the lump in my throat grow bigger as tears started to fill my eyes.

“I screamed and h-he, he slapped my right cheek so hard that I slammed back into the ground, hitting my head..” My voice began to tremble

“H-he y-yelled at me… ‘S-Shut th-the f-fuck up or I’ll h-hurt you…”
Tears started streaming down my face and Nate’s grip on my hand grew tighter as I swallowed hard.

“H-he pinned me down and started undoing his pants and I-I tried to break free b-but I… I c-couldn’t so I screamed and h-he s-slapped me again, p-pulled out a knife a-and yelled ‘w-what d-did I j-just say? Y-you b-better shut the f-fuck up or I’ll… I’ll s-stab you…” I finished

I felt it become harder to breathe and I was starting to shake. The tears wouldn’t stop. Nate squeezed my hand even tighter as he rubbed it then lightly stroked my hair.

“Then he was trying to k-kiss me and he was sq-squeezing m-my b-breasts…. A-and so I-I punched h-him until h-he hit m-me again… Then he yelled at me, "Th-that’s it y-you s-stupid b-b-bitch.. You asked f-for it..”

I was hyperventilating and I felt extremely dizzy. I blinked some more tears from my eyes and continued.

“Then h-he stabbed me in my l-left th-thigh, p-pulled out th-the knife a-and s-stabbed me again in m-my left s-shoulder.. Th-then h-he ran off and Nate, Jack and Andrew sh-showed up… The rest is a blur, but then I ended up here..”

I wiped my eyes as I tried to catch my breath and looked around the room. Nate, Jack and Andrew were tearing up.

“I heard the screams from down the street.. We were outside playing basketball. We ran down and I told Jack and Andrew to call 911 and I-I ran up to Aubrey… I saw how m-much blood she was l-losing so I took off m-my shirt and put it on her thigh wound and applied p-pressure to st-stop the bleeding.. Then I rode with her to the hospital in the ambulance and I’ve been with her since..” He blinked the tears from his eyes as I watched them roll down his cheek. He was trying to catch his breath.

“Thank you, Nate, Aubrey. Now, could you describe the man as best you can please?” Asked officer Jones

“A-alright… H-he had b-bright blue eyes… S-some stubble on his face a-and he was missing a tooth… I couldn’t tell what colour his clothes were but they were dark.. His hair looked short, I couldn’t tell because his hood was up, but I couldn’t see any hair.. So he either h-has short hair or he’s bald.. He l-looked about 6 feet tall and he was q-quite heavy a-and strong…” I gently rubbed my cheeks

As we waited for Zack to finish the sketch, I did my best to calm down.

About 15 or so minutes later Zack looked up.

“Is this what… The man looked like?” He hesitated to turn sketch pad around, but did.

I froze and my breathing became rapid again. I couldn’t speak. It was exactly how I remembered him. I squeezed Nate’s hand tightly as I stared blankly at the picture. I finally realized that no words had come out of my mouth and quickly shook my head as a tear fell.

“… Thank you for your time, Aubrey. I’ll bring this back to the station and I’ll see what we can find.”

He nodded his head, Zack rose from the chair, smiled and they left.
Nate sat there quietly and stroked my hair.

“Nate.. I’m tired.. But, I’m too scared to sleep…” I whispered

“Sleep, Aubrey. It’s ok, I’ll be here, there’ll be nurses here, Jack and Andrew will be here. You’re safe.” He looked me in the eyes. I trusted him, so I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep.


This chapter was more of a filler chapter, plus chapter 7 and chapter 8 are shorter, but 9, 10 and 11 are longer. But I can’t wait for you guys to read them!

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 21

Nate and I just chatted for a while; about anything really. Only until Betty came back in, followed by doctor Jenkins.

He sat down and placed his clip board and bottles of pills on the table.

“No.. Not more medication..” I started to tear up

“Don’t worry Aubrey, it’s not what you think.” He said gently

There were 4 bottles on the table, all different.

“You’ll have to take some antipsychotics, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication and some Prazosin. The dosage won’t be much; two of each pill, once a day. That’s it. We’ll see how it turns out, ok? You’ll also be starting sessions with Dr. Thompson; and if all works out with her, we might get to bring down the dosage, alright?”

I picked up a bottle in my hand and stared at the pills.

“Alright.” I whispered

“Nate, if I could speak with you for a moment?” He waved him towards the door

“Of course, doctor.” He said as he left the room

Nate came back in about 10 minutes later and grabbed the pill bottles from the table.

“What are you doing?” I asked

“I have to keep them with me.” He said gently

“Why?- Oh…” I looked down, ashamed

“I trust you Bree, really, I do. But it’s for your safety.” He said calmly

“I understand.” I sighed

“They said you’re allowed to go home tomorrow… But you have to take the medicine. That’s the one condition. And I’m gonna make sure you do. I know you can do this Aubrey.” He said softly

“Oh, your first appointment is on Monday, we can’t forget.” He added

I swallowed hard. I didn’t want to have medication, especially multiple kinds at once. I started to tear up.

“Nate I-I don’t want a ton of medication…”

“I know you don’t baby.” He rubbed my back

“But it’s the only way you’ll get better..” He whispered

“You’re right..” I said, pain visible in my eyes

“Why me, Nate? Why me?” I asked

“What do you mean?” He said

“Why did he come after me?” I whispered

“Aubrey; I think you were just at the wrong place, at the wrong time. That’s all.” He answered

“He might as well have just killed me… Look at me.. I’m fucking crazy now..” A tear rolled down my cheek

Nate gently lifted my chin with a single finger and looked me in the eyes.

“Listen to me, Aubrey. You’re not crazy. And even if you were, who cares? I’ll still love you no matter what. I promise.” He said softly

I blinked the tears from my eyes and cupped his warm face with my cold hands. It made him jump at first, but he didn’t mind.

“Besides, I’m the crazy one.” He half-smiled

“What?” I asked, confused

“I’m crazy for you..” He smiled softly
He kissed me, his lips were soft and his touch warmed me up instantly. I let go and hugged him tightly.

“I want to leave tomorrow Nate… I promise I’ll take my medicine…” I whispered

“I know, I know..” He said softy

“Do you want to stay with me Aubrey? I mean; we’re still on tour but we’re in a hotel for 2 more nights, then it’s back on the bus. You can share my bed and then my bunk with me if you want?” He asked

I quickly nodded my head, I didn’t want to be left alone.

“Great.” He smiled


I won’t be posting any chapters this weekend unless I get more writing done. If I don’t, then the next chapter will be Monday.

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 4

When I got back, Nate was pacing around the room, Jack was passed out in a chair and Andrew quietly sitting in the other.

“I’m back!” I said as they wheeled me in

Nate turned to me and I saw that he was still holding the teddy bear.

He came over to me and handed me the bear with a gentle smile.
“I was worried, even though I had no reason to be, I still was.” he said embarrassed

“Awe Nate, it’s ok. I’m ok.” I reassured him

I saw that Jack was still sleeping in the chair. “Hey Nate pass me a piece of paper?” I asked
He handed it to me and I did my best to scrunch it up into a ball with my right hand.
“20$ says I hit him in the face… Even though I have shit aim right now.” I said jokingly
“I’ve got a better idea. If you win, I’ll use that money to pay for a date for you and I once we’re out of this place.” He said

“You’ve got yourself a bet.” I smiled

I took aim and threw it as best as I could. I hit Jack square in the face and he jumped up from the chair and landed right on the floor.
Andrew was laughing so hard that he almost ended up there too.

“A date it is, Bree.” He smiled softly

“A date it is.” I repeated as I smiled

“Woah what? What the hell did I miss?” Jack asked

“We made a bet, I said that if I could hit you in the face with the ball of paper, that Nate would give me 20$, but he changed it to a date and I hit you. So we have a date.” I smiled at Nate as he smiled back and we laughed

“Hey I’m good to eat now right?” I asked
“You should be, I mean, your tests are done. Hang on I’ll double check.” Andrew said

He made his way over to the nurse and came back with a smile.

“You’re good!” He said

“Sweet! I’m fucking starving, can we go down to the cafeteria or something?” I asked

“Yeah I’ll grab you a wheel chair.” Nate said

He came back with it, but I was hesitant to get out of bed.

“Fuck.. I need some clothes.” I said

Seeing as I didn’t have any here with me.
“Well, you’re in luck.” Jack paused and grabbed his bag
“We bought you some clothes on our way here, just in case.” He continued

“I bet you don’t have a bra, or underwear for me though, do you?”

“Dammit” he laughed

“It’s ok for the underwear, I’m kidding. I have to wear a diaper, seeing as I can’t walk, you know..”
I was so embarrassed to have said that.

He placed the clothes on my bed and there was a pair of sweat pants and an oversized t-shirt. Thank god though, because he hadn’t brought a bra.

“Can you guys help me put these on? I know I can’t do it myself.” I said, ashamed

“I guess pants first?” Andrew asked

“Yeah I guess.” I said

Jack pulled down the covers and I could barely see the bandages covering my thigh. I never knew how many scratches I had on my legs from when I thrown into the alley. I looked at both of my arms and saw that they were covered too. I bit my lip. They gently placed my feet into both pant holes, then slowly slid them up as they kept my legs off the bed to get them on.

“If we’re hurting you, tell us.” Jack said

“I will.” I replied

Once they were at the top of my thighs, I slowly shifted to laying in my right side, so that they could get them over my butt. It took a little bit, but they were on.

“Fuck, how am I supposed to get my shirt on? I’m um… I’m not wearing a bra and I um.. I can’t do it myself..” I whispered

I felt my face go red, even though it probably wasn’t noticeable seeing as my cheeks had already been red from last night.

“I’ll help you.” Nate said shyly

“Ok.. But don’t look.” I insisted

“We’ll turn around ok?” Jack said as he turned to Andrew.

They closed the curtain and Nate turned to me.

“So um, how are we doing this?” He asked, confused

“Um, maybe I’ll take my arms out of the gown, one at a time. Then I’ll cover my chest with it and then you can help me get each arm in the shirt, then put it over my head and I’ll slide the gown out?” I suggested

“Hm, yeah that should work.” He agreed

He untied the back of my gown for me, then helped me get my right arm out. I held it under my armpit to keep it up. He then gently lifted my arm and I winced.

“Oh my god am I hurting you? I’m so sorry!”

“No it’s fine, I just haven’t moved it yet, that’s all.”

I slid the gown across my chest until the edge of it was just out from under my arm pit. It made it easier for Nate to get my arm out. He closed his eyes as he slowly pulled it down my arm and as soon as it was off, I covered my chest back up with it.
He opened his eyes and grabbed the shirt.
He gently lifted my arm again, shifting the shirt back and forth slowly up my left arm. I gently bent it and held the gown up as best I could while he fed my right arm into the arm hole. I tilted my head down and Nate gently pulled the shirt up, an over my head. I took a deep breath as he pulled it down. Shivers were sent up my spine as I felt what Nate felt. I let go of the gown as Nate pulled my shirt all the way down, staring into my eyes while smiling shyly. Then I pulled the gown out from under my shirt. I felt a bit of pain on my stomach so I gently lifted up my shirt and saw that there were more bandages. “What happened to my stomach?” I asked
“Oh, I think it’s was from when you… You were thrown into the alley… I think you scraped it, so they put bandages on it so that the bleeding would stop and that it would heal.” Nate whispered

“Oh.” I said blankly

“Um.. You guys can turn around now.” I laughed

Andrew grabbed the wheelchair as Nate and Jack helped me up to place me in it.
I shut my eyes in pain and clenched my jaw as I groaned.

“Shit Bree, sorry..” Nate whispered

“It’s ok.. It’s ok.”

Nate wheeled me down the hallway and Jack and Andrew were on either side of me. We took the elevator down 5 floors to the cafeteria and made our way in.
I had no idea what I wanted to eat, but I knew that I was hungry.


How do you guys like it so far? c:

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 24

Betty brought the wheel chair in and I gave her one last hug. Nate hopped off the bed and came around to the other side, as I grabbed the charger from the outlet and my phone from the table. He helped me up into the wheelchair and handed me my bag, which I sat in my lap. He grabbed his backpack and hung it on the handles. I reached for my blanket and teddy bear on the bed and wrapped myself up as best I could while sitting as I held the bear. Nate wheeled me out as we waved goodbye to Betty. We headed to the elevator and out the hospital doors. I hoped that I’d never have to return for something so serious ever again.

Nate called a cab and helped me in and folded up the wheelchair. I gave the driver my address and we were on our way. I wasn’t too far from the hospital, a 20 minute walk, 10 ish minute drive. I lived in a small apartment in downtown Toronto by myself. It got quite lonely at times, I’ve been meaning to get myself a dog or a cat to keep me company. We pulled up and Nate paid the driver, got out, unfolded the wheelchair and helped me back in. He wheeled me into the building and we took the elevator up to the 17th floor. I pulled my keys out from my bag and I told Nate which room it was. It has 2 bedrooms, in case Becky wanted to stay here, one bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. I had one closet, which was right at the door, plus I had a balcony, attached to the living room. I had a nice view of downtown Toronto. I could see the twinkling lights of the city every night and the changing colours of the CN tower. I’d usually sit outside at night to think, it was nice some times. Even though 9 times out of 10 I’m alone.
I let Nate wheel me around as I gave him a quick tour.

“And this is my room, the other bedroom is just a spare.. I know it’s not much.. But if you ever wanna stay here..” I whispered

“I’d love to Bree. Unless… Maybe you wanted to come live with me?” He asked shyly

“Well… I guess temporarily for sure… Seeing as I’ll be out from soccer for a while..” I replied

“I’d love to stay with you.. It’s just, you know, soccer..” I said disappointingly

“I know. But if you want to, don’t hesitate to tell me, ok?” He said softly

“I know.” I looked up

I looked back down and smiled.

“Nate, could you grab my suitcase from the corner and put it on my bed and open it please?” I asked

“Of course baby.” He smiled

I pulled open the drawers of my dresser and took out all of my clothes. I managed to neatly fit them all into my suitcase. I grabbed two pairs of boots, one pair of heels, my flats and my flip flops. I just barely had enough room to fit my own teddy bear in there.

“Aw Bree, what a cute bear!” Nate said

“I named him Teddy, I got him when I was 4.” I blushed

“Hahaha creative I see.” He winked

I zipped up my suitcase and grabbed the backpack beside my bed. I opened the drawer of my nightstand and pulled out my inhalers and placed them in the front pocket of my bag. Nate wheeled me back out into the living room and I grabbed my laptop and iPad off the table, with their chargers and placed them in the bag. My sketch book and pencil case were on the couch and I thought for a minute if I wanted to bring them or not, then decided that I would and I placed them in the bag as well.

“Ok.. I think I have everything.” I said

“Alright. Where do you want to go for dinner?” He asked

“Ooh is this our first date? Anywhere’s fine, but soon, I’m really hungry.” I let out a small laugh

“Ok, I’ve got a place in mind. Baby do you wanna change?” He asked

“Uh, yeah. If you don’t mind.” I said

“No no, not at all.” He said

He placed the suitcase on the table and I unzipped it. I grabbed a bright purple strapless dress, my black boots, a simple black sweater, black leggings and a bra and underwear. Nate wheeled me into the bathroom and I closed the door. It took me a minute to figure out how I was gonna do this, but I got it. I took off the t-shirt and I could see how beat up looked in the mirror. I stared at myself for a moment, but then went back to focusing on getting my clothes on. I put on my bra, then lifted myself from the wheelchair, gripping the counter. I took off my pants and the diaper, then threw it out and put on my underwear. I reached to the floor and grabbed the leggings. I put them on, then grabbed the dress and slipped it on. I put each foot in a boot and sat back down as placed the sweater over my arms. I opened a drawer and grabbed a brush and fixed my hair. I decided that I’d just leave it down, I didn’t really have time to do anything else. I quickly slapped on some concealer, blush and mascara, to hide the tired and pained look on my face. Lastly I found some bright pink lipstick and applied it to my dull lips. I picked my clothes up off the floor and took one last look in the mirror then opened the door.

Nate looked up and his jaw dropped.

“Bree, you… You look beautiful..” He breathed

I was at loss for words. Even simple things like that, coming from him, made my heart melt.

“Nate stop..” I blushed

“No, I mean it.. I..” He looked me up and down

“I guess I should change then..” He laughed

“That’s ok, I can wait.” I said

“Ok, so we can take a cab back to the hotel, I’ll change and then we’ll head out?” He asked

“Sounds like a plan.” I smiled

Nate wheeled me back down the hallway and into the elevator. We made our way down and outside as he waved down a taxi. He placed my bags in the trunk and helped me in again and folded up the wheelchair, then we made our way to the hotel.


*Hopefully* tomorrow will be the last chapter and then I’ll start the sequel!

Seriously who still reads this I need to know so that I can give you all cookies~

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 17

When I came to, Nate was holding me in his arms while sitting on the floor.

“SHE’S AWAKE!” He screamed

“Oh Bree… Thank god you’re awake..” He whispered as he hugged me

Betty rushed back over with a cup of water.

“Bree what happened?” She asked as she handed me the water.

“I-I don’t know… I started to walk and everything got blurry and I got light headed and..”

“She collapsed.” Nate said blankly

“Come on let’s get you back into bed.” She said gently

Nate picked me up bridal style and brought me back over to my bed.
He gently laid me down and pulled the blanket up for me.

My right arm hurt a bit, I guess that’s what I landed on when I fell.
When I fall in soccer my first reaction is to shield my head and that must’ve been what I did; because I don’t remember my head hitting the ground and it didn’t hurt at all.
I quietly sipped my water as everyone was discussing my incident. I felt really weak and pale and I could barely lift my arm to take a drink. Nate carefully studied my face.

“Betty.. She looks really pale.” He said worriedly

I felt like I could pass out again at any moment. It became hard to breathe.

“I can’t breathe…” I choked in a faint whisper

I felt like I was choking and at this point I was gasping for air. Betty ran over with an oxygen mask, but I was already too light headed. The room began to spin and Nate squeezed my hand as Betty placed the mask on my face. Oxygen filled my lungs and I took a giant breath in as I coughed. My breathing was now stable but rapid as I squeezed Nate’s hand back.

“Bree?” Nate asked

My chest was heaving, “I-I’m fine..” I managed to say

“What happened Betty?” He asked

“She was having an asthma attack.” She said calmly

“She’ll be fine once she calms down.” She added

“Oh thank god..” He said

He turned to me. I was still hyperventilating into the mask, but I felt calmer looking at Nate.

I calmed down a little and my breathing was just fast, but my heart was racing.

“My head is… Killing me…” I breathed

I held my head in pain as I swallowed hard. But I stopped breathing too long and I choked as I violently coughed. The pain was unbearable. Everything seemed as though it was moving in slow motion. My eyes felt heavy and my blinking became slower as I tried to stay awake. My breathing had slowed down and I was taking big, deep breaths. I passed out again.

It didn’t feel like I did though, I saw everyone, including myself in the hospital room. Everyone was sitting around my bed, silent; but Nate was by my side, crying. I was lying still in the bed, asleep. I looked dead though, my body was pale and I looked weak. I was still wearing the oxygen mask and Nate was clutching my hand.

“Please wake up Bree… Please..” He whimpered

I felt so bad. I tried to wake up but I couldn’t. Yet I could see and hear everything that was happening. Was this really what was going on right now? Do I really look so frail? Did I die? Am I even still alive? I knew that something wasn’t right with me, my condition was getting worse. I just didn’t know what, and I couldn’t say anything because I couldn’t wake up. I so badly wanted to tell Nate that I was getting worse. But maybe I just caught something when I was outside, or when everyone came to visit.. My tests came back normal so I don’t know what could be wrong. I was so scared.
“Betty she’s getting paler… Her heart rate is going down… What’s happening?” He cried

“I’ll bring up the paddles, just in case.” She said worriedly

Everyone surrounding my bed looked worried. Betty came back in with the paddles and a few more nurses. They asked everyone to leave space around the bed but Nate begged to stay by my side. Betty finally agreed but everyone else had to step back. My heart rate was dropping and Nate was trying really hard not to cry.

“Nate, hon.. I think it’s just from the initial blood loss.. She did lose a lot of blood. She still hasn’t received the full amount yet, which may be why she passed out. I know she’s a fighter, remember the first night? She’ll fight this.” Betty said calmly

My heart rate started to climb back up slowly. Maybe I was just dreaming. Maybe all I did was pass out again and none of this is really happening. Or maybe I just fell asleep. “I need to wake up.” I thought

“You need to wake up Aubrey.” I heard Nate choke

Everyone left the room except Nate and they turned off the lights. The only light left came from the wall lamp above my bed. I had to be dreaming, I had to be. Nate was still holding my hand in tears. I looked towards the door and I saw someone standing there; a man. “No…” I thought

I was scared, I tried so hard to wake up.
My lifeless body didn’t move. But my heart rate was climbing fast.
I watched him pull out a knife as his menacing blue eyes glistened in the light. Nate turned around. “Who’s there?” He asked
“You didn’t think that I’d forget about you, did you Aubrey?” The man taunted

He slowly made his way over to Nate. “Who the fuck are you?” Nate said angrily

“I’m the man from the other night. The one that didn’t get to finish the job. Because your stupid ass showed up.” He said slyly as he stroked the knife.

“I’m here for Aubrey. That stupid bitch got away because of you. I was just gonna kill her, but now you’re in my way again. So you better get the fuck out of here before things get ugly.” He threatened

“Don’t you dare fucking touch her.” Nate said through gritted teeth

“Oh? And what are you gonna do?” He sounded cocky

Nate stood up.

“Get the fuck out. Right now!” He screamed

I woke up. I didn’t see myself anymore, I saw everything from where I was sitting. I didn’t know if this was real. If this was a dream, then I had just fallen asleep. But I woke up here.
I was frozen. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t scream. The man looked at me. “Oh good, you’re awake. You’ll get to see me kill your little friend.” He smiled

I felt myself start to have a panic attack and I started crying.
Nate turned around, “Bree!” He screamed

But it was too late. As soon as Nate turned around, the man stabbed him through his back, blood splattering everywhere. Nate’s lifeless body collapsed onto the floor with a scared expression frozen on his face into a pool of blood, as he ripped the knife out of his back.


o o p s

Guys please give me your opinions and feedback for the story! I need to know that people are still reading this! If you have ideas or suggestions just drop me an ask c:

Hehehehehehe oh Morgyane ;D

I think this is the longest chapter omg

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 7

It was just after 7 when I passed out, but I had no idea what time it was now. I had been sleeping for a while, no problems yet. I knew that before I fell asleep, that Nate was still by my side holding my hand. I was having a nice dream, I was with Nate. But then it got dark. I was walking on the same street as last night, except Nate was with me. I was scared, still, but Nate seemed calm. We walked passed the alleys and then right before the one that the man was at, Nate froze but wouldn’t budge. For some reason I kept walking. I was terrified but I couldn’t stop. I yelled at Nate but he couldn’t speak and he couldn’t move. Then the man grabbed me and I screamed. I woke up, and squeezed his hand tightly. I was hyperventilating, shaking and I was sweating. Nate jumped from his seat.

“What!? What is it Bree, what happened?” He asked calmly

My rapid heart beat sounded loud, very loud, as it rung throughout my ears. I couldn’t seem to spit out any words. Nate could see the terror in my eyes and he rose from his seat, sat down on the bed and just held me until I calmed down.

My breathing was almost back to normal so I started telling him what happened.

“It was happening again… In my dream. Except you were there.. We were both walking down the same street, but you stopped and I kept going.. I yelled at you to come with me because I was scared.. Then h-he grabbed me a-and I woke up.” I sniffled and let a tear fall

“Shhh Bree it’s ok, you’re safe here, alright? He’s not here.” He said calmly

He rubbed my back and I followed his heart until my breathing was back to normal.

“He’s gonna come back… Come back for me.. Isn’t he? To finish me off…” I whispered

“Aubrey, no. He isn’t coming back for you. Why would you think that? Besides, he’d have to go through me first before he could get to you.” He said softly

I looked him in the eyes, “Nate I couldn’t let you get hurt or…” I swallowed hard

“…or die, because of me..” I felt my lip tremble

He said nothing and just hugged me.

“How long did I sleep for for?” I whispered

“4 and a half hours… It’s almost midnight Bree. We both know that you desperately need to sleep and so do I.” He said softly

“Lay with me, please..” I said

He grabbed the teddy bear and handed it to me. Then he pulled away the covers as I scooted to the left side of the bed and he climbed in facing me. He pulled the covers back over us as he nuzzled up against me. He fell asleep quickly, I wasn’t surprised because I knew that he was exhausted. I lied awake for another hour or two, but finally went to sleep after carefully counting the 72 ceiling tiles 50 times over. I felt safe with Nate lying next to me.


I may post chapter 8 today too, seeing as this one is quite short. I haven’t decided yet. If you guys want it, I’ll post it.

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 11

“I’ve got an idea, do you want to tweet a picture for the fun. fans?” He asked

I smiled, “Of course!”

Nate pulled out his phone and I grabbed the teddy bear off of the side table.
He turned on the front camera and I held the teddy bear into view. He kissed my cheek and I smiled. Nate took the picture and then looked at it and grinned.
He attached the picture to the tweet and said “Here with Aubrey at the hospital, she’s doing very well!” And posted it

“Wait… Is my stuff still here? My phone, my camera, my band merch… It was all in my bag. Is it here?” I asked anxiously

“Yeah it’s over here.” He got up to get it
Then climbed back under the blanket with me and handed me my bag. I sat it on the floor for now.

His phone blew up with notifications; favourites, retweets, replies. So many people were asking if we were a couple! I was smiling at all the get well wishes and support from the fans. But I saw one tweet, it said “she’s ugly, why would that guy even want to fuck her? He should’ve just killed her.” And my heart sank to my stomach as I started to cry. I buried my head in Nate’s chest as the tears continually fell. Nate took the phone from me. He was going to reply back but didn’t know what to say. He held me in silence for a few minutes. I sniffled “It’s shit like this that makes me want to kill myself, Nate.”
“You don’t deserve it, Aubrey. I’m glad you’re still here. I love being able to talk to you, to hold you, to be here with you. On your darkest days, when you feel like it’ll never stop raining, I’ll be there for you. I will be the sun.” He said softly

I wiped the tears away with my hand and gazed into his eyes.

“Y-you mean it?” I asked

“Yes. And I’m going to prove it.”

He cupped my face and kissed me. His lips were warm and soft. It was a gentle kiss, I could tell how much he meant it. It surprised me, but I kissed back. I placed my left hand on his waist and ran my right hand through his hair. It felt magical, like I wasn’t on earth anymore. I forgot about all the pain, I felt nothing but his gentle touch. I got so many butterflies, I knew Nate did too.
He broke the kiss.

“Believe me now?” He asked

I was at a loss for words. I was still trying to believe that Nate Ruess just kissed me.
I felt my cheeks go warm as they got red, I bit my lip.

“Yes.” I started to cry as I hugged Nate.

“Awe Bree, don’t cry.” He held my head

“You make me so happy Nate…” I smiled and shut my eyes

I wanted to stay in Nate’s arms forever, it was the only place I felt safe.
He gently rocked back and forth and I hugged him tightly around his waist.
I wasn’t planning on letting go, but Jack and Andrew walked back in.
“Nate I saw your tweet. Did you guys kiss yet? Please tell me you kissed.” Andrew smiled

I looked to them, “Yes.” I said

I turned to Nate and leaned in and kissed him again. He kissed me back.

“Ok we get it.” Jack laughed

We giggled and I broke the kiss and held Nate again.

“I thought you guys were getting stuff?” Nate asked

“Oh we dumped it at the hotel, we’ll bring it when we’ll need it.” Jack replied

I think I knew what they had gotten, stuff for a party. And that must be why they didn’t just bring it back here. That must’ve been what they were talking about when I zoned out.

I let go of Nate and laid back onto the bed. It was around 5 by now, which meant that Betty was gonna bring me some food. She walked in with a tray; it had chicken noodle soup, a mini bun, some butter on the side, a few crackers, apple juice and pudding. She had told me that yesterday I was supposed to be brought food, but seeing as I had the tests and officer Jones come by, my schedule was off. But that was fine, yesterday I just wanted to leave the room. I already did today so I was fine with staying here for dinner. She pulled out the table for me from the side of the bed and placed the tray on it.

For the most part, dinner was silent. When I was done, Betty came back for my tray and the boys went down to Tim Horton’s for dinner.


Hehehehehehe one of my favourite chapters so far, I’m also really liking 15 & 16 c:

Heads up, 12 is pretty short.


I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 5

The boys scanned the fridges, counters and buffet bar.
“There’s spaghetti with tomato sauce? It’s the only thing that doesn’t look bad.” Nate said
“Yeah I’ll have the spaghetti, please.” I coughed

The boys all shook their heads and decided to all have spaghetti too.

We all grabbed bottles of water and made our way to a table. Nate wheeled me over and Jack moved the extra chair out the way so that there was room for me. Nate sat beside me and Jack and Andrew were across the table.
Nate finished chewing a mouth full of spaghetti and swallowed it. I was having more trouble, only being able to use one hand. I angrily stabbed the noodles and sighed.

“Here I’ll cut them up for you.. It’ll be easier to eat that way.” Nate said softly

I felt so ashamed because I wasn’t even able to eat spaghetti without needing help.

Nate finished cutting it up and picked some up onto the fork and fed it to me.

“See?” He gave me a reassuring smile

He handed me the fork and I held back my tears because it hurt to chew.

I put my head down and slowly ate the pasta. The boys ate in silence but I knew that Nate knew that something was wrong.

“Bree what’s wrong?” He asked

“It hurts to chew..” I mumbled

He gently rubbed my back but said nothing. Jack and Andrew were silent as well. They had finished eating and I was only half way done.

“We can leave, you know. You guys are done and I’m not. If you want to go, we can..” I whispered

“No, Bree. You need to eat. It’s ok, take your time.” Nate said softly

I smiled to myself and started humming Take Your Time. Nate gently sang it to me as I ate.

I was almost done and Andrew spoke up. “So, Bree. Tell us about yourself.” He smiled

I swallowed the last of my spaghetti and cleared my throat.
“Well… I play professional soccer. I play for team Canada, actually.” I said shyly

“Shit really?” Jack asked

I laughed “Yes, Jack.”

“… But I guess I’ll be out for a while.” I continued

I felt a tear fall from my eye as I looked to the floor.
“I’m sorry…” I sniffled

They all got up and gently hugged me one by one.
“Should we go back up to the room?” Jack asked

“Yeah.. I think we should.” I whispered

On our way back up, once I had calmed down, I told them more about me.

“Well I’m left footed and right handed. My favourite colour is purple.. I love chocolate. I hate cheese, and I also hate pop… Oh! I’ve always wanted a dog.” I went on

“My dad died from cancer last year. My mom and I haven’t been super close, nor have I been with my sister. So, I guess you could say I’m all alone..” I said quietly

“Oh… Aubrey I’m sorry about your dad.” Andrew said

“But you’re not alone! You’ve got us now!” Jack added

I looked to Nate and smiled as he smiled back

We entered the room and Nate and Jack slowly lifted me from the wheel chair and back onto my bed. Once I was comfy and they sat down, I hesitated to speak up.

“….I also like Nate.” I admitted

I felt myself smile as I looked down, slightly embarrassed.

“Ooooohhhh.” Jack and Andrew cheered

I looked up and saw Nate blush as he too, smiled.

“What time are the police coming?” I asked

“They should be here any minute.” Andrew said

Just then there was a knock at the door and 2 men wearing suits came in. Nate rose from his seat, as did Jack and Andrew. They shook hands and both men made their way to the side of the bed.
“Hi Aubrey, I’m officer Jones, this is Zack Hughes, my sketch artist. We’re here to just ask you a few questions, alright? Take your time, there’s no rush.” He said

“Now, can you tell me exactly what happened last night?” He asked


That seemed short, was it short?

The next few chapters are shorter than the first few, just a heads up.

Thoughts so far? c:

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 22

I took my medicine as instructed, before I went to bed. I was scared to, I’ve never really taken pills, the first was the other night. I’m always scared that I’m going to choke on them, especially 8 all together. But I had to take them if I wanted to get out of here, so I did.

“You know,” Nate said
He zipped up his backpack
“If you’re gonna stay with me, we should probably stop by your place so that you can pack a suitcase?” Nate finished

“Uh… Sure.” I whispered

“Do you still want to talk about last night? It’s alright if you don’t, but if you think it’ll help..” He trailed off

“W-we can.. I guess.” I hesitated

I clenched my jaw and swallowed hard. “He said “Oh Aubrey…”, taunting me. Then came right up to me and whispered “I’m coming for you.” in my ear and I woke up..” I shuttered

I held back my tears this time; I fought hard, but I did it. I managed to stay calm.

“Bree.. Y-you’re calm.. A-are you alright?” He asked worriedly

“Fine.” I choked

“I’m scared though, Nate. What if that’s a sign?” My voice cracked

I didn’t know if I could hold back the tears any longer.

“It’s not Bree. He’s not coming. Besides, you’ll be with me. And there’ll always be security so you’ll be safe anyway.” He said softly

“I… Yeah.” I whispered

“I should probably call my mom in the morning to tell her what I’m doing.”

“Not that she’ll care.” I mumbled

“What?” Asked Nate

“Nothing.” I said

I laid down to face him and Nate did the same to face me. I started to laugh, “Paint me like one of your French girls.” He teased

“I would if I could but I can’t so shan’t.” I giggled

“Nate…” I whispered

“Yes, baby?” He traced his finger along the sheets

“Can you sing me to sleep… Please?” I asked, embarrassed

“Oh, baby.. Of course.” He whispered

“What song?”

“Hm… Some nights?”

“Ooh good choice.” He winked

I adjusted my head on the pillow and gazed into his beautiful, green eyes, he looked into mine and smiled as he started to sing.

“Some nights I stay up, cashing in my bad luck. Some nights I call it a draw. Some nights I wish that my lips could build a castle. Some nights I wish they’d just fall off…”

I was already starting to get sleepy because I started to yawn.

“But I still wake up… I still see your ghost. Oh lord I’m still not sure, what I stand for, ohh. Oh ooh woah what do I stand for, what do I stand for… Most nights, I don’t know.. Anymore..”

I felt my eyelids grow heavy as I listened to his angelic voice. I fought to keep them open because listening to him sing was just amazing. But I felt myself start to fall asleep.

I woke myself up but kept my eyes closed.

“Well, some nights I wish that this all would end. ‘Cause I could use some friends for a change. And some nights I’m scared you’ll forget me again. Some nights I always win, I always win…”

Nate thought that I was already asleep and softly kissed my forehead.

“Goodnight Bree, I love you.” He whispered

I felt him shift his position as he pulled the blanket up and over us both and dug himself into the bed to get warm.

I woke up before Nate that morning, and I hesitated to wake him up so that I could call my mom. I tried to go back to sleep and wait until he woke up, but I couldn’t. My brain wouldn’t shut up and I ended up thinking about anything and everything, which kept me awake. Nate woke up soon after and I uneasily asked him for his phone. He handed it to me and I dialed her number and waited uncomfortably as it rang.


I hope to end this around chapter 25, so there are about 3 chapters left!

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 16

I woke up to balloons, streamers and presents everywhere.


I got overwhelmed with happiness and my first reaction was tears.

“You guys…” I choked

I was crying so much that I couldn’t even speak.

I had to keep wiping my eyes because my vision was so blurry from my the tears. I looked around to see that the whole band was there, as well as Tegan and Sara.

“You didn’t have to this you know… But thank you.” I said

One by one, I received hug after hug. Nate was last and when he got to me, he wiped away my tears and looked me in the eyes.

“Happy Birthday, my beautiful Bree.” He said softly

He kissed me on the lips and that was the only thing I cared about at that moment. No amount of money or presents could be any better than this.

“Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you…” Sang everyone

“Happy Birthday dear Bree..” Chanted Nate

“Happy Birthday to you.” They finished

Nate hugged me tight and then handed me some cake. I held the plate in my hand signaled Jack to come over.

I whispered in his ear “I’m gonna call Nate back over and squish this on his face and you film it, ok?”

“Ok.” He chuckled

Jack went back to where he had been sitting and pulled out his phone. Nate had been talking to Tegan and I called him back over.

“Nate, I need to tell you something.” I said

He sat down on the bed.

“No, closer… I don’t want the others to hear.” I whispered

I could see that Jack started record as Nate moved in. When he was at the perfect spot I smooshed the plate onto his face, cake going everywhere. I was laughing so hard that I was in tears, as was everyone else. Jack was still filming this.
Nate had a surprised look on his face but then smiled and laughed.

“Hey Bree you’ve got a bit of cake on your face too.” He said

“What? where?” I asked

“Right here.” He kissed me and I felt cake smear across my face

“Oh my god Nate!” I laughed

I licked around my mouth, snatching some pieces of cake.

“At least it tastes good.” I laughed

“How much of this did you get Jack?” I asked

“All of it!” He smiled

“I’ll post this to twitter later.” He smirked

“No if you’re gonna post it, post it now!” Nate said

“Alright! Alright!” Jack said

Sara fetched me some napkins to wipe my face off with and Emily brought some over for Nate.
I wiped my face off and Nate did the same.

“Is it all gone?” I asked

“Yeah, what about me?”

“Yeah, you just missed one little spot. Here, I’ll get it.” I whispered

I took the napkin and gently wiped the icing from his left cheek bone as he gazed into my eyes and his lips curled into a half smile. I let out an embarrassed laugh as I wiped the last of it off.

“Nate.. I think I might be able to walk.. Can I try? Please?” I begged

“Of course.” He said

I sat myself on the edge of the bed and Nate helped me up. I was standing by myself. My leg didn’t hurt too bad. I started to feel dizzy though, but I was determined to walk. I started very slowly, gradually picking up the pace. I began to feel light headed and I could tell my balance was off. My vision became blurry as everything began to spin. I felt my body start to collapse as I dropped to the floor. The last thing I remember was hearing Nate scream my name as I hit the cold surface.


Hehehehehe oh morgyaneeee ;D

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 14

The day went on as the night before, except I stayed inside all day. I had nothing to do, seeing as I couldn’t use my phone or watch tv. The boys decided to play charades with me. They all took turns; whoever guessed it right got to go next, but if I did, whoever just went, took another turn. It was really funny to see them fool around. Betty brought me my supper and the boys went out to dinner this time. I ate some, but not much. They came back about an hour later.

“Sorry we took so long, we stopped by the hotel again.” Andrew said

I wonder what they bought this time.

I was tired, but I didn’t want to sleep yet. Nate climbed into my bed.

“You know you guys can go sleep at your hotel.” I said, I felt bad that they kept sleeping here.

“Bree we can stay here if you want, it’s not a problem.” Jack said

“No you guys are sleeping in chairs, you deserve beds.” I looked to Nate
“Your own beds.” I whispered

“It’s ok, Bree. I’ll come back and stay here with you. I just want to go get a shower first. Jack, Andrew, you guys can go back to the hotel. I’ll text you.” Nate said as he climbed out of the bed

“Alright, but we’ll come back tomorrow.” Andrew said

They grabbed their bags and headed out the door as Nate followed behind.

I decided that I would try to sleep, it was that or stare at the ceiling. So I napped for a while but woke up when I heard Nate come back into the room. He placed a bag on the floor, moved the blanket and laid back in bed with me.
He had changed his clothes, he was wearing pajama pants and t-shirt now. The only thing we could really do was talk, so that’s what we did.

“Tell me more about yourself, Bree. How was high school for you?”

I hesitated, “Um.. Not very good.” I mumbled

“Oh.. Do you want to talk about it?” He asked sympathetically

“Well it’s just… I got bullied countless times Nate. At least once a year.. I’d tell someone, eventually… and it would be dealt with.. B-but it kept happening..” My voice started to tremble

“I didn’t want to live anymore. I h-hated it at sc-school and a-at h-home..” I whimpered

“Can we please not talk about this.” I whispered blankly

“S-sure Bree. Sorry..” He sounded hurt

“Nate I didn’t… I-I just don’t like talking about it… That’s all…” I swallowed hard

There was an awkward silence until Nate said “Well, how about we talk about soccer?”

“S-sure.. Um, well I’ve been playing since I was 4, then I got into rep around 11. I was scouted from my U-16 team, actually. So I got offered a scholarship already to Ottawa University. It was good too because I could still do my studies in French.”

“You speak French? Say something in french!” He said

“Je t’adore, Nate.” I smiled and I kissed his cheek

“That’s the first time someone has asked me to say something in French and I actually knew what I could say.” I laughed

“But yeah so I played there for my 4 years, and I majored in English. So I write as a hobby.. My last year I was scouted to play for team Canada and here I am.” I said

“Wow, that’s amazing, Aubrey. I couldn’t play soccer to save my life.” He said

“I should teach you, it’s really fun.” I said

I took me a minute to realize that I had made and accidental fun. pun but we both laughed.

“I’d like that.” He said

“I’ve always wanted to be able to sing, and play guitar. Piano would be cool too. But I can’t.” I frowned

“Why not?”

“My voice is horrible. And I’ve just never been able to play instruments.” I said

“Sing me something?” He asked

“What song?” I replied shyly

“Hmmm… Call me maybe?” He laughed

“Oh god.. Alright fine. But don’t laugh.” I insisted

“Hey I just met you, and this is crazy, but here’s my number, so call me maybe. It’s hard to look right, at you baby, but here’s my number, so call me maybe.” I had an embarrassed look on my face

“What are you talking about? That was great! You should sing with me at one of our shows!” He said

“Oh my god. No. I can’t sing in front of people, are you crazy?” I exclaimed

“Bree it’d be amazing, plus I’d be there with you.” He said softly

“Well I guess… Maybe like, we are young or something?” I asked

“That’d be perfect.” He hugged me

“Hey, Nate? I’m getting kind of tired. You don’t mind if I go to sleep do you?” I asked

“No not at all, I’m gonna go to bed soon too.” He said

I rested my head on his chest and he set an alarm on his phone, just incase we were to wake up late. I felt my eyes become heavy and I drifted off to sleep.


Hehehehe I know Morgyane can’t wait for 17 xD

I Will Be The Sun - Chapter 9

I finished my X-ray and Betty told me that I wasn’t to have anymore tests done until I got my results back.
“I could finally be done with these dumb tests.” I thought

I got back into my room and asked to get my clothes back on. I insisted on trying to at least put my pants on myself. The boys agreed to help me as soon as they saw that I was struggling.
I held the waist band of the pants as I threw the pant legs towards my feet with my right arm. I placed my feet in and pulled the pants as much as could with my one hand. I had to lean my whole body forward, while trying not to stretch my left arm, to pull my pants all the way up. It took me a while to fully get them on, but I did it. And for the first time, in the past couple of days, I felt proud of myself. I asked Nate to help me with my shirt, because I knew that my shoulder wasn’t well enough for me to do that by myself yet. So we did the same procedure for a third time, by now we had been taking less time to get it on, because I could move my arm a little more. Nate had thrown on his extra clothes; some dark grey sweat pants and his signature Mickey shirt & red sweater.
“Hey, could we go sit outside for a bit? It looks nice out.” I said as I peeked out the window

“Yeah of course!” They said

“Wait before we do, do any of you guys have a comb or a brush?” I asked

“I’ll check in our bags.” Andrew said

He looked through and found a comb.

“Will this do?” He asked as he held up the comb

“Yeah that’s fine, I just need something to untangle my hair with.” I said

“Do you want me to do it, Aubrey?” Nate asked sheepishly

“If you don’t mind, Nate.” I replied

I sat myself up and turned my body so that my legs were hanging off of the side of the bed. Jack went to go get me a wheelchair and Nate sat down behind me and pulled all of my long brown hair toward him. My hair was about all the way down to my belly button now, I was growing it out, except for my bangs, which only made it to my cheek bone. My hair was parted on the left side, making my bangs hang across my face to the right. Nate began combing my hair, careful not to go too hard and rip it off my head.
“Jesus Christ you have a lot of hair Bree!” He laughed

“Yeah, I’ve been growing it out for the longest time.”

It took Nate about 15 minutes to conquer all the knots in my hair.

“You’re like rapunzel, only with long brown hair. Will it glow if you sing?” He laughed

“Probably not. But maybe if you do.” I giggled

Nate smiled, “If you’re lost and alone, or you’re sinking like a stone, carry on.. May your past be the sound, of your feet upon the ground, carry on…” He sang softly

“Awe I was hoping it’d work.” Nate made a pouty face then laughed

Jack had wheeled himself in on my wheelchair and I couldn’t help but laugh. I wanted to at least try to get into the wheelchair by myself this time.
Nate went to pick me up, as did Jack, but I insisted that I try on my own.
I slowly slid myself to the edge of the bed so that my feet were on the ground. I carefully stepped onto the floor as the boys were on both sides of me ready to catch me if I fell.
It hurt a bit to put pressure on my left leg still, so I shifted my weight to the right and hopped the few feet along the floor and spun myself around and sat in the chair.

“How did that feel?” Jack asked

“It still a hurts a little to have pressure on my left leg, but other than that I’m good.” I said

We made our way downstairs and there was a Tim Horton’s at the entrance.
“You guys want anything?” Andrew asked, pulling out his wallet

“Um, a double double for me. Thanks Andrew.” Jack said

“I didn’t know you knew the terms for Tim Horton’s coffee.” I giggled

“Well I do.” He smirked

“I’ll have a large hot chocolate. You don’t have to buy it for me Andrew, I have money.” Nate said, pulling out his wallet

“No it’s ok, I insist. Anything for you Bree?” He asked

“Um, not right now. Maybe when we come back in?” I asked

“Yeah no problem.”

Nate and I waited by the doors as Jack and Andrew ordered. They came back and handed Nate his hot chocolate.

“What do you have Andrew?” I questioned

“A large apple cider.” He chuckled

“Oh my god is it cold outside?” I asked

“Well it is October.” Jack said

“Oh yeah.. What’s the date?”

“21st.” Nate said

“Hey my birthday’s in 3 days! I guess I’ll be spending it in the hospital this year..” I said disappointingly

“It’s ok, you’ve got us.” Nate said

“Yeah we can call Nattie, Emily and Will to come up and we can have a kick ass party all together.” Andrew added

“Awe you guys, seriously, you don’t have to do that.” I said shyly

“It’s ok, Bree. We want to.” Jack insisted

They wheeled me outside and we found a bench for them to sit at. Nate sat on the end beside me, then Andrew and then Jack.

All was great until I saw someone across the street…


I need to get writing I’m in the middle of chapter 14 xD