listen ive been at the whole ‘’neurotypical and their dumb ways lmao’’ stage when i was heavily depressed and i thought the whole would be handed to me on a silver plate bcuz of that. ive been clinically depressed since im 12 and im soon gonna be 20, and my cocktail of illness didn’t help.
but look. when i finally decided ive had enough and i kicked myself in the ass, ive learned that its not a ‘’dumb neurotypical way’’. its real. nobody is gonna pick you up and hand you everything in live. youre not gonna beat depression by doing nothing and way until it passes, because it wont. and it never will anyway. i now have two jobs and I’m stressed as hell about it, but i matured enough to know that I need to take my damn life in my hands and do something about it. (ofc my meds helped me) its not easy its never gonna be easy but tumblr needs to stops glorifying being mentally ill and realize that the world wont always twist itself to help you.
you have to pull yourself up, dust off your shoulders, tell yourself it’s gonna be alright and that you can make it. its never as bad as it seems in our heads
and when i was young i thought that was stupid, that the world didn’t understand, and i wanted everyone to do everything for me because i would excuse myself and say i couldnt. it took me 8 damn years to finally realize how foolish i was, i kicked myself in the ass and started doing things by myself progressively. 8 damn years, and depending on the point of view some people arent as lucky, some are luckier. and im not even fully out of it yet. but ive learned that it does get better once we want it to and we’re ready for changes
Requested- hi! may I request Remus x reader where reader is a shy gryffindor & Remus’s gf & is bullied by “popular/mean girls” and doesn’t tell Remus and she finally speaks up one day (“JUST SHUT UP, IVE HAD ENOUGH!”)? and then runs away where they can’t find her & Remus finds her… (the request was long)
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You shut your eyes closed, trying your best to ignore what they were saying. They were the popular girls in Gryffindor, and you were just a shy girl that didn’t want any trouble. You knew they started to pick on you ever since you started dating Remus, a boy you love wholeheartedly. You didn’t tell him about those girls because you didn’t want to look weak in his eyes, but it was all starting to impact you. “Leave me alone,” you said, walking away.
A dark-haired girl that you didn’t bother to acknowledge her name stopped you, “oh let’s see, the cowardly y/n y/l/n is escaping to her little boyfriend!” The two other girls laughed. Their laughs were sharp to your ears as they continued mocking you. “Why is she even in Gryffindor? She’s not even close to being brave!” “I don’t get why Hogwarts accepted her in the first place!” You clenched your fist hard, and you could feel your hard nails against your own palm, “shut up.” You finally said. The first girl asked, “what? What is it that you said?”
“I SAID JUST SHUT UP, I’VE HAD ENOUGH!” You shouted with all of your strength and ran as fast as you could. You hid in your dorm and locked the door with a charm. Holding your head with both your hands and closing your eyes, you dropped yourself onto the carpeted floor. You heard a knock on your door, and the voice of Remus came through, “Y/n, are you here? I need to tell you what had just happened! James, he-”
“Remus, not now,” you spoke weakly. There was a pause, and the next thing you heard was him mumbling “Alohomora.” The door clicked open, and a worried Remus hurried in. He sat next to you and pulled your fingers away from your face. He saw your face which was stained with tears.
To everyone who has always supported me until now, thank you very much.
My mind went blank whenever I stood on stage at the theater. That was my kenkyuusei era.
They suddenly appointed me to the center position after the promotion. I was scared and didn’t know what to do. That was my team 4 era.
I was overwhelmed by the performances of Kashiwagi-san who danced beside me and Milky’s fishing skills. The songs were always very idolish, that made me and Kojima-san somewhat uncomfortable. That was my team B era lol.
Perhaps the staffs knew about that so they moved me and Kojima-san to team A. Takamina-san was also there, she appointed me to the position of Maeda-san who had graduated. Even though I was a little restless, that was a very happy team A era.
After that is team A without Takamina-san, today I also have to say goodbye. And soon Kojima-san will leave too. I was both happy and worried at the same time when Kojima-san told me: “This is really the end, isn’t it? We have to say bye bye after this, right? What should I do now?”. Actually, I requested to sing Risuke together with Kojima-san. I was very happy when I heard that she also wanted to sing with me.
Some fans of Itano-san and Maeda-san became my supporters. It must be because I am loved by my dear senpai.
I received messages from Itano-san and Kasai-san. I met Takamina-san and Maeda-san recently. I also met Oshima-san in the studio when filming for a program to promote our new dramas. I heard that Shinoda-san mentioned me on her twitter too.
I am also loved by my dear kouhai. I am such a happy person.
What made me happy the most is that about 3 of my very first fans came to the theater to meet me. My tears suddenly fell down when I sent them off. Then I cried again when reading their letters. Also dozen of people who has always supporting me in the past few years all came to see me, I don’t really remember the rest (sorry lol) but I want to thank you all. And then so many people specifically gathered in front of Don Quijote Akihabara because of me, I was really happy. There was this one person who always cosplay in HS event just to made me laugh, he was wearing some shiny team A’s pink colored thing that day. I was in the car when I saw him riding a bike home. It was very cold, I wonder if he was okay lol
I will graduate from AKB48 today.
I will work hard so that my fans can still support me after my graduation. Also I am working on some secret plans for my fans.
it would be such an honor if everyone could watch over my future activities.
I don’t know if it because I was too relaxed but my body was not feeling well after my graduation stage so I had to get some IV drips. I finally had enough sleep today, I can challenge the Kouhaku!
Regardless of how the result will be, I am really grateful to be able to stand on that stage.
I will write more mobile mail if I have time
If I’m busy, I will write on twitter
So this is probably my last mobile mail then? I don’t really know but please continue to take care of me in the future.
GIRRRLS So sorry for my lack of updates! Ive had the most amazing past few months.
I finally saved up enough from sugaring to go on the solo trip of a lifetime across the US. You American babies are so lucky to live in such a beautiful country.
Went all across Cali, Nevada, Arizona, Utah and New York.
San Diego, Santa Barbara and Sedona were favorites (I like warm weather lol)
I would have enjoyed NY more but went there on one of the coldest weeks! Also saw snow for the first time and looooved it… as a result had an accident and broke my arm lmao.
I would have loved to meet some of you but despite being a solo trip I was crazy busy all the time.
Met an amazing SD over there who paid for a LOT of expenses. I was so sad to leave him. we have been talking every day and wants to take me to japan soon!
Back home now and I will be seeing Eugene this week to get my allowance. So bummed to be back. I WANNA LIVE IN THE US