So not only is Lotor physically distancing himself from the rest of his team, but he’s crossing his arms across his chest so tight, he’s making an even bigger barrier between himself and them. He looks like he’s deep in thought and I feel like here he’s honestly just totally shut down for one of the first times in the series that we’ve seen so far. He doesn’t even have a weapon on him to fight back against Acxa.
Lotor’s closing himself off to everyone, including us, the audience. We haven’t been let in to his mind or his heart. And I really, really hope that the paladins can give us that insight and at least we get a little peek.
This isn’t asking for a redemption arc. Lotor doesn’t need redeeming. He needs a story, and it’s clear he’s reluctant to tell not only his generals, but us, too.
Anyway I just thought this imagery and body language was pretty
interesting. There’s definitely so much more to this than we know right now.
Here’s to hoping we get some deeper insight into his plans, and what exactly he’s hoping for with all the quintessence he wants to gather, and the Sincline ships.
seems like i can’t keep my trap shut so im DOIN IT! not enough women in the penumbra podcast, you say? okay! as far as i’ve seen, the chief arguments supporting this claim are
1) there are more male characters than female characters
there aren’t. actually, there’s an incredibly even spread. both recurring and one-time characters are just as likely to be a man as a woman (usually in the binary sense, but occasionally otherwise). i wont break it down into a chart of which characters are main vs secondary vs tertiary, because that’s subjective as hell and you know it
(this is all specific to the juniverse, by the by, because most of the argument is focused there)
2) too many of the villains are women
there are a lot of woman antagonists. i think there are objectively more woman antagonists than men. this is partially a genre-bending move, bc noir women are usually just there to have the hots for the leading man, or to be a femme fatale, and these girls are all outside of those roles.
this is also because when the leading ‘man’ is nonbinary and his love interest is a gay man, the only major role left open in the structure of this show is the antagonist, and they seem to take care to have a woman in a major role every episode.
the corollary to this argument is because these women are antagonists, they aren’t framed sympathetically. and that’s just not the way the writing of this show works, okay? villain isn’t exactly the right word, either. it’s noir, so the heroes are mostly antiheroes and the ‘villains’ are mostly antiheroes, too. there’s some exceptions on both sides, but applying a black-and-white morality to this show is really oversimplifying the truth to further your argument. ‘framed sympathetically’ is also a very subjective statement to make. it’s just as much about your personal perception of the character as the words on the page
miasma, i understand. but if you can’t sympathize with any of the women who are ‘villains’, it’s not because of the writing, it’s because media trains us all to hate female characters. when women are nuanced and have believable flaws, we learn to never forgive them for it
and whether you like them or not, they’re still characters, and they’re still women. pretending they don’t exist doesn’t help anyone
3) there aren’t enough queer women
there are no straight women in the juniverse. every woman in every role is queer
there’s only been one established happy f/f relationship, but lemme raise you this: there have been exactly two established happy relationships in the juniverse. captain khan has a wife offscreen, and valles vicky has a wife offscreen
4) juno’s nonbinary, so he doesn’t count, and there should be a woman in the leading role
i’ve only heard this stated explicitly once, but it’s usually kinda implicit in these arguments. still not cool!
i dont think we even realize how easily we erase juno’s femininity sometimes. yeah, he’s nonbinary, but he’s a lady. and when you claim that you’d rather see a binary woman in his role than a nonbinary one, you’re being transphobic. hell, guys, juno’s the first nb character i’ve ever seen in a leading role before. if that’s not something you want to see, this show probably isnt for you
& finally, as i’ve stated before, even if this show included zero women at all this argument completely undermines the wonderful representation of mlm and nonbinary characters, characters of color, disabled and mentally ill characters! there’s no right way for a show to be diverse! im mostly saying this as a white woman, because i notice we white women have a tendency to expect our representation should be handled before anyone else gets the chance
Ride Me Baby *Part 3* (Harry Styles Mature Mini Series)
Hiya guys, so finally I’m getting this chapter up. I am beyond over whelmed with the feedback ive been getting from this series and I cant be more thankful for you guys reading it and enjoying it! I hope you enjoy this chapter! –K
**WARNING, EXPLICIT AND DETAILED CONTENT, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK** +18
Word Count: 5,869
Y/N’s POV As I stood there speechless staring at Kendall as she was staring at Harry then glaring back at me like I had done something wrong. Has Harry been cheating on me with her this whole time? My heart started to sink at the thought. Harry and Kendall did date for a while but broke up because of the public always stalking them or taking pictures 24/7, so for all I know Harry might still have feelings for her and sleeping with her behind everyone’s backs. And by his reaction it seemed like he was happy to see her, even though I was standing right there. “Your faces are priceless, cant believe you fell for that one” Kendall started to laugh uncontrollably as she stood clapping her hands applauding her performance. “What the fuck Ken?” Harry’s face slightly changed into a crooked smile as he joined in with her laughter. “What are you doing here? Please come in” He steps backwards as she walked into our room, with her long legs and flat stomach that was on show under her crop top. She is so beautiful, why did he leave her for me? “Y/N?” My head shot up as I was startled out of my train of thought. “Sorry?” “How are you doing sweetie?” Kendall came over to great me with a hug, which I accepted. I had to. Ive never really sat down and got to know Kendall to know what she is like. She is so sweet and polite, I have no hate against her. But for some reason I don’t like her either. “Im good thanks how are you?” “Good, how are you guys enjoying your trip?” “Yeah its great, Y/N has always wanted to come here so I surprised her for our anniversary” Harry butted in as we walked into our kitchen. “Oh my god I’m so sorry I interrupted, I seen that you guys were here so I thought it would be rude not to come down and say hi” She giggled as her stare as with Harry through out the whole conversation. Now I know why I don’t like her. “Aw thank you for popping in Ken” His stare was with her, again. I don’t know whether I’m reading too much into this situation but with the atmosphere it seemed like he was glad to see her or something, I don’t know.
((hey all sorry to say mod aint doing too hot mentally and im gunna be taking a week off from guyslikeus. ill be back i have so many ideas im just kinda a hot mess right now and need to stop putting so much pressure on myself aaaahaha. ill be drawing for some other random askblogs so keep ur eyes peeled but other than that ill see u next friday! love you all!))
((EDIT: mod is back now but i like this doodle so im keeping it up lol look at them shruggy boys))
ive been thinking about this all day so what if michael can only take so much sugar before he gets a crazy sugar high
so when he and jeremy are having a sleepover (“it’s not gay!”) and all they are eating/drinking is sugar,,, well michael is bouncing off the walls by one am (jeremy thinks it’s kinda cute but at the same time “sit the fuck down michael!”)
except he’s bound to crash from his high. and he crashes hard.
by like two thirty, three am, michael is totally useless. he can barely keep his eyes open to play any more video games. but when he crashes, he gets dopey and affectionate
so he’ll be having the time of his life, laying across jeremys lap, trying to play with his hands, trying to get him to (“spill some juicy gossip”). he eventually tries to kiss jeremys fingers, hold his hand, etc
he just keeps pushing his boundaries,,, and jeremy is letting him (with a burning red fave, but he’s letting him)
they fall asleep (aka michael passes out and jeremy turns in for the night) practically holding each other, mostly because michael would not let jeremy move once he got ahold of him
as jeremy falls asleep, he’s thinking about telling michael. ya know, telling him. about his feelings
he wakes up, confident and ready to go, except michael embarrassedly detangles from jeremy when he wakes, mumbling a quick “whoa, gay man” (sigh, boys ) and jeremys heart shatters just a little. michael remembers next to nothing from last night, let alone all of his affections
so this fic is a sad one, but please READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. It has themes relating to cancer and death, big ones, so if that upsets you or could possibly be a trigger, please read at your own risk.
also ive been very fortunate to never experience someone that has cancer close to me, but i have dealt with death close to me. so i apologize if its off or not right, let me know if it is so i can fix it
i did a bit of research so i hope that was enough
love u all
also this is based off the mcr song
i hope u cry
summary: richie has cancer
pairing: richie and eddie
Richie knew something was wrong. He woke up every day this week with a headache, which usually got to be unbearable to the point where it made him feel sick. He had thrown up multiple times and he knew he had to get to the hospital. Richie approached the tall building on his bike, feeling his stomach becoming sour. He can’t shake the feeling that he’s not just sick.
He approached the desk at the front of the room, practically falling against it. Richie was sweating and he could feel his energy draining. “I need… I need to see a doctor… It’s… It’s an emergency..” He barely managed to slur out. The room started to spin and his stomach cramped into knots. The nurse managed to catch the boy before he hit the floor, picking him up and taking him to an ER doctor. As soon as Richie’s head hit the gurney, he was out cold.
Richie awoke with a start, breathing in sharply and sitting up quickly. His arm stung lightly and he realized he had tugged the IV poked into his arm. The room he was in was white all over, baby blue curtains surrounded the room and shielded him from seeing what was beyond them. A doctor pushed aside the paper curtain, holding a metal clipboard. The doctor looked up and saw Richie was awake, offering him a kind smile.
“Hello, Mr. Tozier, is it?”
Richie nodded slowly, a dull throbbing in his head.
“We did a couple tests while you were out and… We seem to have some terrible news,” The doctor spoke slowly, solemnly. Richie could tell he wasn’t faking it, the guy was genuinely upset. A sigh left his lips as he made eye contact with Richie, sitting down in a chair opposite him. “Richie, I’m sorry, you have leukemia.”
Richie couldn’t process what was happening anymore. The doctor’s lips were moving, presumably explaining his condition, but he couldn’t hear anything. The world around him blurred. He was crying.His hands were shaking, reaching up to cover his face. His glasses weren’t there anymore, he didn’t know where they went. His entire body was trembling violently with sobs. He was going to die and he knew it. There was no way to pay for the treatment, nor did his parents even care regardless, even if his condition was terminal. It was bound to be and Richie couldn’t do anything to save himself.
The doctor wrote a small note and laid it on the bedside table, leaving Richie alone. He didn’t know how long he sat there in a ball, crying. It could’ve been half an hour, or maybe even two hours. Richie didn’t know. He felt numb as he sat there, his cheeks stained with tears. He grabbed his glasses from off the blanket where they had fallen off. Reaching over, he grabbed the small note that the doctor had left there prior to him leaving. ‘I know your home and financial situation (as I used to be friends with your mother) and I’ll pay for as many chemo treatments as I can for you’ it read, signed ‘Doctor Bryson.’
Richie was thankful, truly he was. He sat there with the note in his shaky hands, debating internally on one subject. Do I tell the losers?
He eventually settled on a no. Richie wasn’t going to subject his friends to that kind of turmoil. He could handle it alone, he always did anyway. It’s what he did best, ever since he was 9 years old. He crumpled up the note, letting out a sharp breath. It really hit him then, in that moment, that he was going to die.
Richie was acting weird as of late. Everyone in the Loser’s club had acknowledged it, some more than others. Beverly noticed first, though. Bev always picked up on changes in her friends before anyone else’s. It was her secret talent, you could say.
Richie came in one day pale and frail looking. He had been for the past week. Beverly glanced at him, wondering what was wrong. Maybe he was really sick. She decided, sliding into the seat next to him. “Hey, Rich, are you feeling alright?” She asked, leaning forward on the table and resting her head in her hand.
Richie nodded his curls bouncing from the motion. “Yeah, just sick.” He said confidently, giving her a smile.
Beverly didn’t buy it, narrowing her eyes to study him. “What going on, really?” She questioned, sitting up.
Richie shook his head, leaning back in the hard plastic chair. “Nothing. My lack of dick is making me sick.” He chuckled, glancing over at his best friend (and possible crush) Eddie Kaspbrak. “Hey, Eds!” He sang, dragging out the ‘s’ sound.
“Don’t call me that!” Eddie yelled from across the room.
Mike was the second to notice something was up with the Trashmouth. During one of their weekly movie night sleepovers, he noticed Richie had missed out on at least two dick joke opportunities. That never happened, ever, especially with Richie Tozier. That kid never lets a joke that could be made go by unsaid. It was odd, watching Richie stare off into space for minutes at a time before he snapped himself back into reality.
Mike didn’t say anything as he watched Richie lull off again, his brown eyes seemingly clouding over. Something was wrong. He watched for a few more moments when Richie finally snapped back into reality. Richie shook his head a bit as if trying to get whatever was bothering him off of him. He settled back into the couch, his eyes trained on the television screen. Mike made a mental note of this behavior before doing the same as Richie.
Bill, Stan, Ben, and Eddie all noticed when Richie didn’t come to school for a week. He never missed school, even when he had the stomach flu. He puked on the history teacher when they were kids, but even so, he came to school with that sickness. No one knew where he was. The Loser’s went to the office to ask and they said no one had called or given an explanation to his whereabouts that week. All of them were confused and Bill even tried to go to Richie’s house but no one answered the door.
Richie came back to school the next week, even more, sick looking than he had the previous weeks. A black beanie atop his head, he still strode in with his usual confidence even if he didn’t look the part. Eddie practically pounced on him when he walked through the double doors that Monday. “Where were you?” He demanded, hitting Richie in the arm in an attempt to show his ‘anger.’ Richie chuckled. “I was sick. I was throwing up and everything, it was really gross. But I’m sure you’d love to hear every last detail about it, huh?”
Eddie made a face of disgust, nearly gagging at the thought of throw up. “I’m good.” He said, turning off the alarm on his watch that started to go off. He had abandoned his fanny pack years ago after he found out his mother had been making him take placebos ever since he was a kid. His mother had a serious case of Munchausen by proxy that he hoped would die down now that he had realized. Regardless of this, Eddie still hated germs. It was embedded in him since he was a child and he didn’t think it was ever going to change.
Eddie finally noticed the dark gray beanie sitting atop Richie’s head. This was odd. He never wore hats, he said it ‘fucked up his perfect hair.’
“What’s with the hat, Tozier?” Eddie asked, getting on his tiptoes to remove the beanie to inspect it closer. Richie flinched, taking two small steps backward. The smaller boy furrowed his eyebrows together in confusion, silently asking what was wrong.
“You don’t wanna see my hair, toots, trust me.” Richie joked, seemingly regaining whatever it was he had lost a few seconds prior. “It is terrible.” He added, faking a Spanish accent on the last word.
Eddie scoffed. “Okay, whatever.” He blew it off, watching Richie walk up to Stan and start to annoy him as per usual. But Eddie couldn’t shake the feeling of something being wrong.
“Eddie, is there something wrong?” Beverly asked, hoisting herself onto the hood of Richie’s beat-up car. They were waiting for him to come back from the gas station’s convenience store with snacks. Eddie glanced up at her, staring at her expression for a little before shaking his head slowly. “What’s up?” She responded, taking a long drag from the cigarette between her lips.
“I think something’s wrong with Richie.” He admitted, rubbing his arm gently. Beverly hopped off the hood, instead leaning against it. “Me too. I noticed it a week or so ago, but I thought he was just sick.”
Eddie shrugged. “It’s making me nervous. I mean, since when did Richie wear hats?”
“He doesn’t,” Beverly stated, throwing the butt of the cigarette onto the pavement and crushing it with her boot. Richie approached them with a plastic bag filled with chips and soda, holding it up triumphantly.
“Richie once again is the hero.” He smiled, setting the bag on the car’s hood. Beverly reached in, grabbing the sleeve of licorice and eating one.
Eddie watched Richie glance at his beat-up shoes and grimace, before looking up with a smile. “C’mon, Eds, I got your favorite. You know you love Reese’s.” Richie teased, throwing the small package at Eddie. It hit his chest and fell to the ground, Eddie not even bothering to attempt to catch it. “What the hell? Your arms made of spaghetti, Eddie Spaghetti?” He joked, reaching down and picking up the orange package. “Here.”
Richie placed it in Eddie’s hand, smiling a bit. Eddie gave him a smile back hoping neither of them saw his cheeks growing red.
Richie stopped showing up to school. A week turned into two weeks and two weeks turned into a month with still no sign of Richie.
Eddie approached his house slowly, knocking on the wooden door. The door creaked open, his hand still raised in the air. He dropped his hand down and slowly stepped inside, quietly praying his parents weren’t home. Music was quietly playing from upstairs mixed with the sound of running water. Eddie slowly walked up the stairs, peeking through the crack in the door. Steam filled the room, coming from the bathroom attached to Richie’s room.
Eddie felt like such a creep, but he was concerned. He glanced around the room before he noticed the water had turned off. Richie walked out of the bathroom wearing pajamas and Eddie nearly audibly gasped. Richie’s hair was missing in multiple places. He was nearly bald on the back of his head. He pushed the door open, stumbling into the room.
Richie turned on his heel. “What the fuck, Eddie? Why are you here?” He demanded, angrily.
Eddie was shocked into silence. He couldn’t process what was going through his mind. “Richie. What happened?” He asked softly, going to approach Richie. He stepped towards him, but Richie stepped backward. “Richie…”
“You need to leave,” Richie said, looking down at the floor.
“No, you need to tell me what the hell is going on!” Eddie spat. “You don’t show up to school for a month and you expect me to leave?”
Richie let out a long sigh, kicking an old shoebox across the floor. “I have leukemia, Eds. I can’t… I can barely stand anymore… I have to…” He started to chuckle, tears welling up in his eyes. “I shower sitting down, Eddie! It’s like I’m a sad 80-year-old man.”
Eddie couldn’t breathe. “W-What? Richie- You- Why didn’t you tell us? Tell me?” Richie shook his head, sitting down on his bed. “You think I was gonna tell everyone I was dying? No way in hell.”
Eddie frowned. “You’re not dying-”
“Really?” Richie yelled, trying to stand but falling back down. “You really believe that? I can barely stand! My parents don’t give two shits! The only reason I’m not dead yet is that Dr. Bryson’s paid for two chemo treatments! This third one is the last he can pay for and after that, Eds, I’m gonna die.” His voice cracked, a tear falling down his cheek. Eddie had been Richie’s friend since they were 13 and he’d never seen him cry. He knew Richie cried he just never thought he’d see him actually cry.
“Richie, we can try and get you help.” Eddie offered.
Richie shook his head, taking off his glasses and covering his face. Eddie sat down next to him, wrapping his arm around Richie’s frame. He leaned into Eddie’s touch, tears still streaming down his face. Richie was broken and Eddie was breaking, he knew it.
Three months later, every Loser sat in the waiting room. Every Loser except Eddie, who they wanted to let say goodbye to Richie alone. They knew of their special bond. Eddie sat on a chair next to Richie’s hospital bed, holding his frail hand in his own. Eddie was on the verge of tears and his breaths were shaky. Richie wasn’t breathing very well, but he still tried his best to talk to everyone who visited him, even his parents. The doctor informed him he had just about two months left and that was three months ago. Richie had pushed through an extra month but he lost his fight.
“I can’t believe I killed a… fucking clown and… cancer beat me…” He chuckled, starting to cough. Eddie let out a laugh, a tear falling down his face and landing on their intertwined hands.
“Eds…” Richie gasped, squeezing Eddie’s hand as tight as he could. “I want you… I want you to know… that… that… I love… love you… Eddie…” As he finished his thought, Richie’s head fell back onto the pillow. Eddie sat up quickly. “Richie? Richie!” He tried to shake him but he wasn’t waking up. The monitor was beeping wildly. “Rich! Richie!” The beeping stopped and it was replaced by a constant whine. “Richie…” He sobbed, hot tears rolling down his red cheeks. He squeezed Richie’s still warm hand, bringing it up to his lips shakily, kissing it lightly.
“Richie…” Eddie whispered, his voice cracking halfway through. A doctor walked him out of the room, giving his condolences. Eddie walked out into the waiting room, all of the Loser’s standing upon his entry. “He’s..” He started, but in that moment it really hit Eddie that his best friend, his best friend that he loved, was truly gone. He started to sob again, falling to the tile floor. He curled up into a ball, feeling his friends surround him. Bill even wrapped his arms around Eddie tightly as he cried. Not one Loser’s eye was dry. Everyone in that room loved Richard Tozier, no matter how annoying he could get sometimes. In that instant, all of their world’s came crashing down. The Loser’s would never- could never- truly be the Losers without Richie.
“He’s gone…” Eddie cried, his eyes burning from tears. “Richie… He… I didn’t tell him.. I didn’t tell him I… I loved him back! I loved him back! I didn’t tell him!” Eddie became erratic, thrashing to get out of their arms. “I have to tell him I love him!”
“Eddie-” Bill grabbed him, holding him in place.
“Bill, I have to tell him! I love him! Bill, I love him! I didn’t say it back, I have to tell him!” Eddie was shaking violently, trying to escape Bill’s grasp. He was crying too.
“Eddie… Eddie, he’s gone… Please…” Bill was trying to get him to calm down but it wasn’t working.
Eddie Kaspbrak was officially broken.
did you cry? cause i did
i hope you guys enjoyed, thank you so much for reading
Spending the night in buckys room was like having a sleepover with wanda or Nat( minus the booze and face masks ) . You stayed up and talked for a while , just about random things and you managed to learn a lot about each other that you didn’t know ; then you watched movies for hours , until you fell asleep cuddled into his side in the early hours of the morning .
When you wake up, you find yourself pressing up against Bucky, his arms wi ding tightly around you body keep you to him. Your face is nuzzling into his neck, and you don’t think you ever been comfier . It’s one thing for me to be fucking around with Bucky, but this isn’t - I didn’t plan on liking being this close to him him a non sexual way so much .
“ good morning doll.” His sleepy voice startles you , but as you go to move he doesn’t let you.
“ morning asshat.” You say with a yawn . You wiggle around and his grip still stays strong .
“ where do you think you’re going?”
“ to my room?”
“ no I don’t think so . ”
He ducks his head down , nudging his nose against yours . Your heart flutters at the action , and nearlyJumps out of your chest when his lips gently kiss yours.
A smile forms on both of your faces into the kiss, the. Bucky starts leaving kisses all over your face, making you giggle and try to shove him away .
“ Bucky stooppp !” You squeal ,he stops kissing you to laugh and you send him a pout .
“ why’d you stop?” You ask , his laughter goes up a notch in volume , making you laugh as well. This is such a weird couple moment , but we aren’t a couple . So how the fuck is this even a thing right now ? Fuck , I’m screwed.
He goes in for another kisss but is interrupted when a loud knock sounds on his door .
“ buck you awake ?” Fuck , Steve .
“ no !” Bucky shouts , then connects your lips . His hand slides under his v neck that’s still covering your body , and stop once they hit your chest. This kiss is still slow and lazy, his hands follow the same lead , gently and lazily palming your chest in sync with the kiss.
Steve begins knocking again , harder this time .
“ we have a mission Bucky, we gotta go !” Fuck no no no .
“ call in sick .” You whisper against his lips . He Laughs before fully removing his lips from yours .
“ sorry doll , duty calls .” He places one last kiss to your lips before springing out of bed .
“ I’ll meet you in the hangar steve !” Bucky calls out and you hear steve accept his answer . You groan, rolling out of his bed until your feet land on the floor . Bucky flings your shorts at you with a wink before he disappears into his bathroom . You pull on your pants and leave his room , sending one last look over your shoulder to his messy bed . What have I gotten myself into?
Before you leave buckys out of his bathroom , fully geared up .
“ leaving without saying goodbye y/n, that’s cold.” There was a tiny hint of humor in his voice , but he sounded genuinely shocked or upset? You couldn’t tell .
“ figured I’d meet you in the hangar to say by to everyone .”
He smiles , taking the lead as you follow him to the elevator . The ride up was filled with laughs and new movie night ideas .
When you reach the hangar , your pace slowed down, letting him get ahead to the team . It looks like everyone but wanda and Bruce are going . You say your usual goodbyes before a mission, You say goodbye and goodluck to everyone , giving them quick hugs , lastly stopping in front of Bucky. His goodbye usually consisted of “ don’t fuck up too bad , I don’t feel like spending the night playing babysitter in the infirmary, then a quick flirty retort from him and a wink . But this time, you couldn’t help the change .
” good luck buck .“ You wrap your arms around his neck tightly , his go around your waist . You let you lips brush against his ear as you whisper ,
” come home in one piece , please .“ When you drop your arms you see a faint blush on his cheeks.
” you got it sweet cheeks .“ There’s that damn wink
” fuck off barnes , just so you know , your favorite bro nurse is on duty the next couple days , I’ll make sure he takes real good care of you if you end up in the med bay .“ You return his wink, watching him cringe at the thought of having to deal with how rough john ( the bro nurse as he liked to be called ) is with IVs and exams . The blush grows darker on his face now , God he’s adorable . What happened to the cocksure Bucky Barnes from before ?
It’s been two days since the team left for their mission, and both of the days you’ve spent thinking about Bucky . You think about all the things you talked about with him the other night; it was like meeting an entirely different person than the Bucky you knew . He told you stories of things he remember from the 40’s, about the things he did to keep busy when he was hiding after leaving steve in DC , about being in wake dad , and things that interest him that you never knew . You discovered he loves learning about space , that when he can’t sleep from nightmares he likes to sit on the roof of the tower and watch the stars until morning , along with a shit ton of other things . Some things you knew already from observing him , or that have come up in conversations before ; like his favorite color , food, drink , that he hates modern day music and he gets sick enjoyment out of torturing Sam on a daily basis.
Your image of Bucky has shifted , from being a flirty dickbag to still being a flirty dickbag, but not in bad way, in a way that makes you not want to kick him in the balls when he flirts with you or shoot him in the face when he acts like a jerk . You’ve seen a caring side of him now , getting to know more things about him actually makes you want to be near him more ; you just haven’t sorted out if you want to be near him more as friends or …. ya know .
You’ve forgotten about the ‘game ’ you two have been playing a few times over these two days and have to keep reminding yourself ; to him it’s just for fun . Even if we do end up fucking , we can still be friends after right?
It’s day 3 , and almost 8pm , you’re about to start a movie when FRIDAY announces the teams return . You book it to the hangar , and wait silently as the jet lands . The door drops open , and the team exits .
“ any injuries ?” You call out
You receive a chorus of no’s , then hello’s .
Bucky is the last one that gets off the jet , his face showing no emotion . As he approaches you smile ,
“ hey bu-”
“ could you just not right now .” He snaps, your eyes widen at his harsh tone . He step onto the elevator , his cold eyes locking on yours as the doors glide shut. What the fuck ?
Buckys been cold to you since he returned, barely speaking to you and when he does it’s never pleasant . It’s been three days since he came back , with a completely different personality . You finally confront steve about it
“ steve what the hell happened on that mission ?”
“ it’s classi-”
“ Say it’s classified Rogers, and I will break your damn nose .” You snap
He sighs , “ it was suppose to be an abandoned hydra base, we just needed the intel off the computer. We got there and got ambushed and one of them hr Bucky with a shock gun and it must of triggered a flashback and he went into soldier mode . It took a while to calm him down, and when he did he saw all the destruction around him and closed himself off. ”
Poor Bucky , he didn’t go into much detail about his time as the soldier the other night, but he mentioned his fear of relapsing a little . So you can only imagine how hard this must be for him .
You decide to check on him , bringing him a glass of his favorite ice tea , when you step off into his floor you hear loud, high pitched moans , that definitely aren’t coming from Bucky . You back up into the elevator , pushing the tears of anger and confusion back . Before the doors shut you see a girl run into the hall in her underwear giggling , with a shirtless Bucky chasing after her and stopping when his eyes lock onto your tearing ones.
Once the doors shut all the way you let the tears loose ,
“I’m so fucking stupid .”
my mom found out i have suicidal thoughts today and she was like shocked like GIRL u know i got major depression you know how it is because YOU ALSO have major depression we on that same bullshit
so basically i had to sit her down and be like “okay u dont wanna hear this but that sucks so listen up ive been having suicidal thoughts since i was 12 it aint even an issue anymore. my reaction to suicidal thoughts is just “cool are you done? can i go back to my day or yall gonna be a drama queen today?” like the depression isn’t even an issue anymore im just tired of it im DONE fuck off” so we bonded over that and then talked about our attempts/near attempts and it was just nice to be able to be candid without people flipping the fuck out for once and god
she was at her worst around 20 and ive already got 8 years under my belt at 20 so shes proud of how strong i am bc she was going through hell at 20 when i did it at 12
and it was nice to be able to talk to her not as mother/daughter but rather as two equally depressed pieces o shit that are fuckin tired and willing to knife fight our mental illnesses in a fuckin Walmart parking lot
Is it just me or does someone else feel Tae's dark mood these days? I don't know, there's something off with him, you can see it in the last Run episode too :( is there something in his chart that can explain this?
ive been getting a lot of questions about taehyung’s dark aura lately, and now looking into his chart and transits it makes so much sense.
saturn is having a lot of influence on him lately. not only is it aspecting many planets, it’s also transitioning through his first house, about to conjunct his ascendant. saturn transits through the first house (the house of our identity) creates an affect similar to the well known rain cloud over your head imagery. it dampens self expression and can manifest in confidence issues and questioning yourself. the affected person will be more somber than usual.
transiting mars is opposite his saturn in the 3rd house (the house of communication). this creates frustration in that area, ie his unusual quietness that a lot of fans have noted in recent vlives and such. overall, low energy and lethargy results.
despite all this, i don’t think there’s cause for too much concern. transiting moon is trine his saturn. this grants him the patience and emotional control that will allow him to handle whatever challenges are facing him throughout this period. he can rely on his family (bangtan, of course) to guide him, give him advice, and return his spirits to where they usually are ✨
hello everyone…….. i have some shocking but very very very exciting news!!!!!
so as some of you may know, my grandma has been in hospital for the last 26 days (and i have been there too so i’ve been doing some hardcore #hospital blogging over the last few weeks)
well anyway the last i posted about it was that it wasn’t really looking good - the doctor said as much - we thought we were going to have to take her off iv fluids and from there she’d have about a week, so i spent some time coming to terms with that
but last friday she turned a huge corner and has been awake/alert/eating for about 4 days and… SHE’S GOING BACK HOME TODAY 😭😭😭😭😭
this has been the hardest 26 days of my entire life and not once in that time did i ever really think she’d come home. we were told to say goodbye to her four times. i truly was only at the hospital to be with her in her last few weeks so she wouldn’t be alone. but the doctor actually said to us that she has survived this because of the work my mum and i did with her and i can’t even explain how that feels
thank you thank you thank you to everyone who messaged me or replied to me or even just liked my posts about it, it meant so much to me to know that we had so much support and love coming from all over the world
my grandmother is a fucking rockstar and no matter what happens from here i will always be proud to be her granddaughter
Request: For the Drabble list thing , can you do 5&3 <3333
3. “I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid.” 5. “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”
Word Count: 1819
A/N: Reader is 17 here~Starts off 16, but is 17 cause woo time skips. But wow I just realized I slightly changed things a bit. So basically. May doesn’t know Peter is Spiderman. But it also doesn’t take place during the movie. But Peter is 16. So, after the movie, but May doesn’t know. YIKES! (Im really only explaining this like this because I’m splitting this into different parts. The next part will go more into the title).
Summary: the reader grew up with Peter and when the reader’s mom dies, May takes her in.
You and Peter grew up together. Kind of. Peter’s aunt May was your mom’s best friend. When Peter’s parents died when he was young he went to live with his Aunt, and May would often invite you and you mom over so Peter would have a friend to play with.
The only thing is, you and your mom moved away when you were 10 and you only saw Peter and May about once a year.
So, when your mom died, you found out she had put May as next of kin, and you were shipped off to Queens to live with Peter and May.
It was odd moving back to the city you had called home for so long. After living in a small town in Maine for six years, it was odd being back in a big city.
Of course it was a difficult transition when your mom died, trying to get used to May and Peter again. May treated you like you were her own daughter, and Peter was so nice to you.
You had had a crush on Peter for as long as you can remember. Probably eight or nine years. It was always something small where it would always sit in the back of your mind, but wouldn’t really hit you unless you and your mom went to visit.
By the time you were 15, you and Peter had exchanged phone numbers when you stayed with them for a week with your mom. You had kept in touch after that. You would text at least once a week, mostly telling each other about your days.
Moving to Queens really wasn’t easy. May tried her best to help you, but Peter was really the one who go through to you.
One night, shortly after you had moved in he had heard you crying in your room. He had let himself in and sat down on your bed with you.
He began to tell you about his adjustment to Queens when he was really little and how hard it was for him to make friends, to get used to staring a new school at such a young age, and get used to May and the city.
“I remember that on my second day here in Queens, May told me that someone was coming to see me, and that they were my age. And a few hours later, you walked through that front door. As soon as you saw me you ran over and shoved two toy cars in my face asking if I wanted to play. I was six, Y/N, but I knew that I had made a friend and I would be okay,”
After he had told you this, he pulled you into a hug and held you for a while. But before you knew it, your lips were on his and you were pulling his shirt off. The next morning when you woke up naked next to Peter, you both agreed that it would be best if nothing like that were to happen again. It would be too complicated given your situation.
After that night you and Peter remained close. One could argue that you were even better friends than you were when you were little. And your crush had grown. Living with him only helped it grow into something more than a crush. You couldn’t help but admire Peter.
May was amazing support to you and helped you adjust to living in an apartment in Queens.
When the new Semester at school began you joined Peter at Midtown High School. When Peter introduced you to Ned, you clicked instantly.
Your Friday nights soon turned into a time when you, Peter, and Ned would hang out. The three of your would study or watch movies or go out and wander the city.
One night, almost a year after you had moved in with May and Peter, you were helping May with dinner.
“I have to say, Y/N, since you’ve moved in, we’ve had go out for take out a lot less,”
You laughed, “well, in your defence, you just never set the timer on the oven and leave the food in for too long,”
“Well, that’s very nice of you to say, but why don’t you go get Peter from his room while I change and then we can eat,” May said, heading towards her bedroom.
You walked over to Peter’s bedroom door and knocked twice.
“Peter?” You asked
Suddenly there was a loud bang at the front door, it swung open and Peter fell through.
“Peter? Oh my god, are you alright?” You said
You rushed over to where Peter had fallen on the floor.
Peter quickly hopped up, held a hand over his face and tried to make a run to his room.
You stood in front of him, not letting him pass you.
“Peter Parker, what’s going on?”
“Then take your hand off your face,”
Peter slowly removed his hand from his face, revealing a giant bruise below his left eye.
“Oh my god,” you said
“Please don’t tell May,”
“I’m not going to have to tell her, I think she’ll notice,”
“Can you please just help me cover it up,” Peter begged.
You hesitated for a moment, May had welcomed you into her home and took you in as her own, you didn’t like lying to her.
“Fine,” you agreed.
You allowed Peter to pass you and head into his room. You went into your room and picked up you makeup bag and headed back into the hallway where you ran into May.
“Y/N, did you get Peter?”
“Uh, yes… he’s just - uh he’ll be out in a second. He just needs my help with something,” you said and quickly moved past May and entered Peter’s room.
Peter was sitting on his bed when you walked in.
“So, I have to use makeup to cover that up,”
You pulled Peter’s desk chair close to his bed so you could sit and fix up his face.
“So are you going to tell me what happened?” You asked, rummaging though your makeup bag for your concealer.
Peter remained silent.
“Peter i’m not going to help you unless you explain this to me,”
Peter sighed “Look, I got into a fight,”
“You’re lying,” you said, applying the concealer to Peter’s face.
“Yeah, okay well then if i’m lying you’re an idiot,” Peter said, (knowing that you are extremely smart and not at all an idiot).
“In that case, I may be an idiot, but I’m not stupid. Tell me the truth Peter,”
As Peter went to open his mouth Peter’s bedroom door opened and May walked in.
“Guys it’s dinner,” May paused and looked at what was happening, “Y/N, are you putting makeup on Peter?”
You and Peter exchanged a look.
“No?” You said
May eyed you both suspiciously.
“What’s for dinner?” Peter said, standing up and walking out to the table.
“Y/N and I made a lasagna,” May answered as the two of you followed Peter to the table.
“It was my grandma’s recipe,” you said, taking a seat.
You stared Peter down the entire meal, hoping he would get the message that you weren’t finished with the conversation from earlier.
“Y/N, you haven’t touched your food. What’s going on?” May said
“Nothing, May. Sorry. It’s just been a long day at school and I could really use Peter’s help with my calculus homework,” you lied
“Well, why don’t you eat something and then you two can go study,” May suggested.
After dinner, Peter helped May clean up while you waited in your bedroom for Peter.
Eventually he walked in and closed the door behind him.
“I need answers, Peter. You can’t just walk in here all bruised and ask me to help you hide it from may without an explanation,”
“I wasn’t lying before. I really did get into a fight. Someone tried to steal my backpack and they punched me, and they stole my backpack,”
You were hesitant to believe him.
“You’re really not lying to me?”
“C’mon Y/N, I would never lie to you. You know that,“ Peter said.
“Actually, I clearly remember this one time when we were eight that you lied straight to my face,”
“No, Y/N, please don’t bring up the barbie incident again,”
“Peter, you cut off my barbie’s hair. I will never get over that,”
“How many times do I have to apologize for that? It’s been eight years,”
You shrugged, knowing every time you brought this up you got Peter all worked up.
“Peter let me ask you something,”
“Who is she?” You asked.
“What?” Peter said, confused.
“Ive deduced that you must have a girlfriend. You sneak out almost every night, you claim to be at your Stark internship every day after school, but I don’t buy it,”
“I don’t have a girlfriend,”
“Again, I still don’t buy it,”
"Well, what about you, Y/N, do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?” Peter questioned.
“Oh yeah, great job turning the tables on me there, Peter. But you know there hasn’t been anyone since Gwen,”
“Shame, you guys were cute together,” Peter said.
You and Peter stayed silent for a while before Peter spoke up again.
“Y/N, remember not long after you moved in with me and May and how I told you about the first time we met and what I remembered,”
You nodded, remembering what else had happened that night.
“I know we agreed that nothing should happen after that night, but I just always thought something would,” Peter admitted.
He sat and stared at you, waiting for you to say something.
“You know what, I think i’m gonna go. All this sneaking out has left me extremely tired,” Peter said.
Peter placed a light kiss to your forehead and got up to leave.
“Are you sure you don’t have a girlfriend?” You said, stopping him at your door.
“I’m actually kind of waiting to see if anything will happen with this one girl,”
Peter gave you a small smile, said goodnight, and closed the door behind him.
“Can I just know honestly,” she said, the words pained her to speak, but she couldn’t live another day without knowing. “Did any of it mean anything?”
“Did what mean anything?” He responded.
“The nights of endless conversations. The drunken kiss. The way you held me under the stars on the freezing cold November night. The playful banter from day to day–” She began to choke up. He just sat there, sullen, expressing almost no emotion.
“I know these are stupid questions. YOU love HER. Not me. I’m your best friend. And that’s it. But there’s just something about you that’s different than how Ive ever felt towards anyone else. It’s something so deep in my being it scares the living crap out of me. My heart skips to a different beat when I’m around you. My heart feels happy when I’m around you. The way you hold me feels more right than anything else I’ve ever felt. I may have been drunk off my ass that night but I was sober enough to know something about this is so incredibly right to me.”
She continued. “I just can’t sit around and watch you follow her around when she doesn’t even give you the time of day. I don’t get how you can have a connection so strong with her when I feel so tethered to you.”
“I’m so sorry–” he finally interjected.
“Sorry for what? I just don’t get it. How can a connection that feels so strong be one-sided?”
i was going to post something on liverpepper but didnt quite have it in me yet. i’m working up to it though!! my depression has hit the peak of peaks in the past couple months and it has been.. rough. i feel like i spend most days just laying down staring at the ceiling, and for a long time ive just been super apathetic about pretty much everything, which is never fun, but then just this week i got hit with some liverpepper feelios and remembered how much i love it and miss it, and it seems to be helping shake some of the sads off :”)
BUT, not to make this a sad weepy post (i’m sorry!!), i do want to say that ive finally got my tablet+laptop situation sorted out for the most part, so for anyone still waiting on commissions, i’m going to tackle those this week, promise!
i hope everybody’s been doing well, and i miss you all, and i hope i start to feel more like myself real soon!!