Some of my favorite things to do to my wife (the non-pervy kind):

1. Put cold hands on my wife’s back while she’s trying to sleep. She will eventually start groaning and ever so slightly wiggle around.

2. Wait for her to come back in the room and make a super creepy face until she runs away.

3. Press my nose against her until she starts screaming and laughing hysterically. I have no idea why this gets to her, but it does.

So basically, I guess I just enjoy psychologically torturing my wife.