Killian Jones is a pirate captain down on his luck after a falling out with the Evil Queen. Emma Swan just found out she was the Savior. Their shared goals bring them on an epic quest to liberate the kingdom once and for all. It’s a lot easier said than done.
He’s gotten himself into quite the mess, this time.
The tale of his bloody existence, he’s sure, but pissing off a queen armed with dark magic and a palette for human suffering must be one of his…least bright decisions.
He’d come back to the Enchanted Forest some three years before, after finally fleeing the pit that is Neverland. The Evil Queen was well past two decades into her reign. The Queen of Hearts, Regina’s estranged mother, had apparently lied in wait for most of them to make amends with her daughter once and for all. The Evil Queen was less than eager at the prospect.
It was one thing to agree to kill her - approximately equally evil - mother in exchange for information on how to hunt the crocodile. Becoming her pet assassin was entirely another. Regina was so impressed with his work with Cora, it was Hook who she selected to do her work when her guards failed. In other words, he was the man meant to kill the particularly evasive lot. The list of her enemies ranged wildly - from the challengers still left over from Snow White’s reign to the shop owner who complained about the Evil Queen’s draconian methods.
Killian ended up with loose fingers - he only had the one hand, after all - with her targets, letting them slip right through with instructions to never be see again. That way, Regina would be none the wiser that they were in hiding rather than dead. He shouldn’t be surprised that, years later, one of the bloody prats made himself found again. It’s what he gets for having such a damn bleeding heart. Admittedly, though, some of the ushering potential victims into hiding was a result of spite that the queen had yet to help him in the least in his pursuit for vengeance.
The streets are dark and quiet; behind him the saloon is
bright and noisy. It’s been a good night for gambling, Kenny’s jacket pocket
has a bit of weight to it for once. He tries not to think too hard about how
much heavier it’d be if he hadn’t spent so long at the bar. Oh well, nothing to
be done about it now; and anyways it’s been a hard week and he deserves to put
his feet up and have a few drinks. And now he needs some sleep.
His footsteps are quick and quiet as he ducks into an alley;
most men with an ounce of sense would avoid the back streets of this town after
dark, but Kenny is not most men. He’s halfway down the alley when he hears
pounding footsteps; the woman rounds the corner in a flurry of long skirts and
hair and runs straight into him. Kenny doesn’t budge an inch but the woman
does, right over backwards with a high-pitched yelp. She jerks back upright,
one hand clutching the torn bodice of her dress, and the moon chooses that
moment to come out from behind the clouds just enough that Kenny can see the
blood dripping from her nose and split lower lip. Her right cheek is starting
to bruise horribly and she has the beginnings of a nasty black eye; the
exaggerated makeup and tight, low-cut dress tell Kenny all he needs to know
about what she is and why she looks that way. He holds her gaze for a long,
silent minute; her deep brown eyes are filled with fear but she juts her chin
and sets her trembling lips in a thin, defiant line that makes Kenny smirk. The
girl has a bit of a back bone then. Good. If there’s one thing Kenny can’t
stand it’s a coward.
He walks past her, right hand reaching into his jacket, and
she flinches. She outright jumps when the small pouch of money drops into her
lap. She looks back at him, mouth hanging open in confusion; he pulls his hat
low over his eyes and keeps walking. It’s not in his nature to be kind or
generous and God knows he could’ve used that money, but he can’t unsee Kuchel
in every single prostitute he passes. His older sister is one of the reason
he’s this far out west; with their grandfather-the only living relative they
had left-dead almost two months all the brotherly instincts that he’s tried to
bury for so many years have come flooding back. Kuchel had never gotten along
with their grandfather; she’d struck out on her own as soon as she was able but
things didn’t go well and last time Kenny saw her she was working at a brothel.
With Grandfather dead Kuchel has no one else left to turn to, not that it was
likely that he would have helped her even if she had asked. It was even less
likely that she would’ve asked at all, a theory proven by her willingness to
become a prostitute over having to beg him for help. All they had now was each
other; Kuchel had always looked after him and while Kenny is loath to admit it
he does love her. A little bit anyways. The least he can do is check up on her
and give the bad, or maybe good, news. The only problem is, he can’t find her.
The girls at her…previous place of employment told him they woke up one morning
and she was just…gone. The madam of the last brothel he stopped at had
described seeing a woman pass through who looked almost exactly like Kuchel,
but that was three weeks ago. He’s been to two towns since then and no one he’s
talked to since has seen her. If he’s being completely honest that worries him.
Just a little bit though.
Behind him he hears the girl’s skirts rustle as she gets up
and runs off, accompanied by the soft clink of her prize. She’s hardly around
the corner when a man stumbles into the alley from the same direction she had
come. The man’s torso is bare; Kenny has to smile a bit when he sees him. The
man’s face, chest, and arms are all scratched and bloody. The girl was even
more of a fighter than he’d originally thought. The man stops short on seeing
him, furious expression turning wary for a brief moment before he shoves Kenny
aside and makes to continue down the alley. In one swift move Kenny turns on
his heel so he’s behind the man and grabs a fistful of his hair. At the same
time a knife appears in his left hand and Kenny draws it across the man’s
throat without a second thought. The man makes a gurgling sound and goes limp
in Kenny’s hand; he holds him up for a second longer and then, with a look of
disdain, lets him drop. He produces a handkerchief from his coat pocket and
wipes the blade off, leaving the body face-down in the dirt.
He’s not hardly out of the alley when he hears the soft
scuff of feet behind him and he berates himself silently for not considering
that maybe the man had a partner. He whirls around and draws his arm back,
about to slide his knife back out of its hiding place up his sleeve, but he
stops short when he sees his attacker.
It’s a child.
He’s maybe seven years old, eight at the most but it’s a
stretch. He’s a starved sort of skinny and his dark, dirt-caked hair hangs
several inches below his shoulders. The only thing clean about him is the large
knife he’s holding, the knife that would’ve been buried in Kenny’s side if he
had been any slower turning around. The child charges at him again, weapon held
high, and Kenny starts to draw his as well. It won’t be the first time he’s
killed a child, age doesn’t matter to him. If you draw a weapon you had better
be prepared for the consequences.
The child slashes at his hip, he has a strong swing but his aim
is poor and Kenny side steps him easily. He catches the boy by his shirt and
raises the knife. The boy freezes, wild eyes fixed on Kenny’s face. He brings
the knife down.
The moon comes out from behind the clouds again, shining
full on the boy’s face, and Kenny feels his heart skip a beat. The knife
changes directions at the last second, sending strands of the boy’s long hair
fluttering to the ground. They stare at each other, frozen for one long moment
before the boy capitalizes on Kenny’s confusion and slashes his arm. He reacts
on instinct, flinging the boy away from him and into a nearby building. The boy
hits hard and slumps to the ground, knife falling from his loose fingers. Kenny
approaches him, stuffing his closed blade into his coat pocket and wrapping a
fresh handkerchief around his bleeding wrist. He drops to one knee in front of
the boy and roughly brushes his long hair from his face. In the dark he looks
just like any other scruffy street urchin and Kenny’s heart rate starts to
slow, but there’s no mistaking what he saw. He closes the boy’s knife and hides
it with his own, then removes his jacket and wraps the boy in it, completely
hiding him from view. He tucks him under his arm and heads in the direction of
He’s down half his winnings from the night, his arm hurts
like a bitch, and no doubt it’ll make things a real hassle tomorrow when
someone finds the body he left in the alley; but Kenny can’t help but smile.
The boy has his mother’s eyes.
Just a message to any friends who might see it Don’t count on me coming to NC this summer….. I have no idea what my situation will be like even a week from now so I can’t say anything about July, I don’t know if I can afford it by then,I don’t know if I will even have any days off for it, I know nothing. It’s frustrating since I’ve been living in a constant state of not knowing shit about the future or even feeling secure about anything for almost a year. Not existentially or financially. But it’s reality and I guess it’s usually called “growing up and being an adult”.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have somehow gotten a hold of my phone number and ordered a new INTP unit! For new users, this manual will provide all of the basic information that you will need to take care of your new INTP unit.
Your INTP unit will come with the following accessories: Three (3) Everyday outfits Two (2) Nightclothes Two (2) pairs of shoes One (1) personalized laptop specifically built for your INTP One (1) laptop charger One (1) ethernet cable One (1) mobile device One (1) personalized headphones specifically built for your INTP One (1) USB to INTP connector
Software: Your INTP is programmed with the following traits: Ti: Your INTP will want to analyze everything and understand everything. Ne: Your INTP likes to think up new possibilities and sees a lot of potential in their peers and surroundings. Si: Retrospective thinking is programmed to help your INTP solve new problems by using previous knowledge. Fe: Although the lowest of the traits, your INTP still has emotions and can be largely affected by the emotions of the people in their surroundings. Will generally get along with peers but can unwittingly make offensive comments. Will feel bad about it later.
Getting Started: To turn on your new INTP unit: 1. Connect your INTP to the computer using the USB to INTP connector. 2. Allow INTP to charge and gather data for approximately thirty (30) minutes. 3. Disconnected your INTP from the computer. 4. Turn on unit by asking nicely 5. If step NUMBER 4 didn’t work, threaten to take away the Wi-Fi.
Your INTP unit should boot up quickly after these steps!
Modes: Nerd (default) - your stereotypical nerd. Will only speak in scientific theories or binary code, depending on their mood. May be a bit socially awkward if the unit had only recently been started. Enthusiastic nerd - hyper-nerdiness, will talk quickly and have stars in their eyes Chameleon - will sometimes change how they act to their surroundings Pedantic (default) - will correct grammatical errors and mistakes. Usually won’t stop even if you tell them to. Meme / Pun (default) - don’t question it, just accept it Unhealthy / Shadow (locked) - will only unlock if subjected to immense stress. Like described in Le Chatlier’s principle, your unit will try to act in opposition of the stress. Tends to be angsty and like an unhealthy ENTJ unit.
Relationships with other units: NTs: Your INTP’s main squad. Is a bit intimidated by the XNTJ units, but gets along well nonetheless. SJs: Generally gets along well. They help your INTP unit do what’s needed and take care of themselves, for which your. NFs: Gets along with very well. May discuss philosophical ideas together. Relatively new INTP units may get frustrated or confused by the emotional perspective given by the NFs units. SPs: Gets along overall. Can sometimes be afraid of XSTP units’ kickass personality and sometimes may not quite understand the Se nature well.
Feeding: Your INTP unit will usually eat normally but will sometimes ignore their diet to pursue intellectual hobbies. Keep trying to argue that food is necessary despite their arguments that they feed on knowledge.
Hygiene: Despite stereotypes, your INTP unit will maintain their personal hygiene, although you may need to remind them if they have been in the Enthusiastic Nerd state for a while and forgot to bathe themselves.
Sleeping: Your INTP unit has a bad habit of staying up too late to browse the internet. Constantly remind them that sleep will help their memory consolidate and retain information. They might still try to stay up, at which point just take away the Wi-Fi.
Frequently Asked Questions: Why does my INTP unit keep procrastinating on everything? All INTP units have caught a bug when downloading their software that destroys their ability to take a task to completion without external pressure. Unfortunately, the units cannot be fixed, but Te-dom or Te-aux units may help organize your INTP unit’s life.
Does my INTP unit feel emotions? If so, when will they be more expressive? Yes. Although Fe is low on their function stack, it’s still there. They are usually only expressive if they are surrounded by those close to them. So better your relationship with your INTP unit, and then you will see them be more emotional.
Help! My INTP unit is fixed in Unhealthy / Shadow mode, and I don’t know what to do! Because the ENTJ units’ main functions are the INTP unit’s shadow function, I suggest getting an ENTJ unit to talk to the INTP to help them get out of their melancholy mood. If there are no available ENTJ units, then logically reason how their point of view is false and not helpful to their current situation. Also, try to remove the source of stress, as the Unhealthy / Shadow mode is caused by the presence of stress.
Again, CONGRATULATIONS on acquiring your new INTP unit! Have fun!