Your platonic love between the Fell bros--hnnnng I love it so much aaaaathe fLUFF IS SO CUTE??? LIKE--AAA I DON'T KNOW HOW TO EXPLAIN --IT HAS MADE ME SCREAM ON MULTIPLE OCCASIONS HFFFF IT'S OS CUTE HGNFF
“Hiii I just read your sweaters os and its so cute omigod but could you do one where louis’ little body cant handle all the stress of tour and he collapses and harrys freaking out and just really fluffy?? Please and thank youuuu(((:”
~I changed it a bit so there could be an entire plot and story but I included the base of your prompt so please don’t hate me it’s basically what you wanted plus more!
No one notices. Which is strange, because usually when the loudest person is gone, the quiet people are left in the silence, and that’s all they notice. The silence. So when Louis has a shift in behavior, you’d think there would be a panic, or an intervention. But no. No one notices, and the fact that no one notices him was part of the problem in the first place.
It’s like falling asleep, slowly, then all at once. Louis is bubbly, loud, funny, energetic. Bouncing off the walls, running around, acting like a four year old with ADD. He is himself, the way his boyfriend, Harry, loves him. It’s almost over night when he changed. He’s sad. He’s tired. He’s irritated easily and cranky. He feels stressed out and is way too overworked by management.
“You’re going here with Eleanor tomorrow,” they’d say.
“Alright,” he’d say.
“And here tomorrow, and here the next day, and here the day after that,” they’d continue, always pushing the buttons, waiting to see where he would pop.
And that’s fairly overwhelming on it’s own, but when they try to control every aspect of your life, it can get too much.
Harry is part of the problem. He’s a kid, honestly he is. He says whatever he wants without thinking of consequences, and one day, Louis is venting about management. They are about to leave for the second wing of their take me home tour.
“They want me to stop going on twitter so much,” Louis sighs.
“That’s fine. Spend more time with me” Harry says light hearted, kissing the side of Louis’ face. Harry is laying on the couch. Louis is secured in his arms, his hands clasped over Louis’ tummy, rubbing circles on Louis’ stomach. His fingers slide under Louis’ white tee shirt. Louis shivers at the cold touch of Harry’s finger tips touching his skin. Harry whispers, “shh” in his ear and continues to rub the skin.
“They also want me to lose weight.”
“Why? You’re proper fit.”
“They don’t care. Said my stomach has to go.”
“Why? I like that your stomach isn’t flat.”
Louis tenses at that, because now his mind is racing. Is he really fat? Even Harry thinks his stomach is flabby apparently. Then, Harry is pulling and pinching Louis’ stomach fat, as if to prove his point that no, Louis stomach is not flat at all.
That’s where it all really starts.
“Do you want to go out to eat with me?” Harry asks one night. They’re in their shared hotel room. It’s a week after Harry’s off hand comment, and Louis hasn’t been eating. He’s eating a few crackers here and there, and some tea with no sugar, but other then that he’s on a strict diet. The ‘eat nothing at all until you’re good enough for your overly fit and beautiful and simply perfect boyfriend’ diet (as he likes to call it).
“I don’t really feel up to that tonight,” Louis shrugs, looking down at Harry. Harry is laying horizontal on the bed, his head in Louis’ lap while Louis runs his hand through Harry’s curls.
“Alright love. What do you want to do?”
“Sleep?” Louis suggested.
“Are you tired?”
And yes, he is. Louis has felt extremely tired for the past few days. Dancing around on stage is a lot of cardio when you have no fuel in your system. Louis knows he needs to start eating a little bit more, to prevent the dizziness in his head when he’s singing and running around all night. He’s trying his best to stay the same crazy, fun, Louis Tomlinson.
But he’s not sure how much longer he can keep up the happy act.
“I’m not really tired, I just am in a cuddly mood,” Louis lied.
“Want me to rub your tummy?”
Harry sits up and pulls Louis into his arms. It’s easy, because even though in Louis’ mind he’s huge, he’s realistically tiny. He’s easily pulled around and picked up.
Louis panic, “No don’t!”
“Why not? You love it when I rub your tummy.”
“Because I said no Harry!” Louis snaps.
Harry loosens his arms around Louis’ waist and allowed Louis to pull himself away. All Louis can think about is the feeling of Harry’s hands on his stomach, even if the fabric of his shirt was preventing any skin on skin contact. He felt disgusting and sucked in his stomach. Harry couldn’t tell, but it made Louis feel much better to know that his tummy was caved in.
“Are you okay?” Harry says after a while.
“I’m just fine. Could you maybe go get us some dinner from the restaurant in the lobby? Let’s just have a night in and cuddle and eat and watch a film, okay?” Louis offered. He hated the pained look in Harry’s eyes and wanted to tell him everything.
It’s not you. It’s me.
You’re perfect, it’s my fault I’m so fat.
I’m doing you a favor.
You don’t want to touch my flab anyways, trust me.
But Louis keeps his mouth shut and Harry nods, getting off the bed. He leans over the side and slots his mouth against Louis’, kissing him slowly for a moment. Louis grabbed Harry’s cheeks in his hands and kissed him back softly before Harry pulled away.
“I’ll go get us some food,” Harry smiled, happy as always.
Harry left the room, and Louis went into the bathroom. After a long while of staring at his naked body in the mirror, Louis leaned over the toilet, forced a finger down his throat, and forced himself to throw up for the very first time..
It would be the first time of many.
The next day, the very moment the bus pulls up at the Larry Stylinson residence, Louis and Harry get out. Louis is only on his feet for seconds however, before Harry picks him up and throws him over his shoulder. Louis squeals and giggles at the sudden surprise, but then grows wary as Harry carries him to the door. He worries about how hard it must be for Harry to be holding him.
“Love, set me down if I weigh too much,” Louis suggested.
“You don’t. You’re tiny,” Harry giggled, opening the door and setting Harry down on the couch. Harry crawled on top of Louis and began ravishing Louis. Harry pecked kisses all over his neck and face, hands running up and down Louis’s sides.
“Harry-” Louis started but was cut off by Harry’s forceful lips on his.
“I’m so happy we’re home. A week in hotels is the worst. I can barely control myself around you,” Harry smirked, setting his hand on Louis’ crotch and palming Louis through his jeans. Louis let a little sigh escape before gently pushing on Harry’s chest.
He knew this conflict was coming. It had been more then ten days without sex. Harry was a horny teenager who always wanted Louis’ attention (sexual and otherwise).
“Babe I’m too tired tonight,” Louis shivered.
“It’s been over a week,” Harry whined.
“Harry come on.”
Harry just pouted and attached his lips to Louis’ pulse point, sucking a bruise onto it. Louis gasped at the sensitivity he had there on his pressure point. Louis bit on his lip, trying to sustain his moans, hoping Harry would stop if he really thought Louis wasn’t interested.
Harry grabbed the hem of Louis’ tee shirt and that was when Louis had to stop it.
“Harry I said no,” Louis snapped.
“Louis, why?” Harry looked confused and sad.
“I just don’t want to.”
“Okay then. Fine.”
Harry crawled off of Louis and stormed upstairs, like a child who hadn’t gotten his way. Louis sighed and secured his shirt, making sure it covered his stomach. Louis laid still for a minute, because even though he and Harry had has sex multiple times, he suddenly felt like a blushing virgin all over again. He was nervous about his body, which was a strange quality in him because he is usually glowing and confident.
Louis knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that Harry loved him, and that Harry would never think he was fat. His better judgement lost (yet again) though to his insecurities. Louis got up slowly. The new pattern of eating and then throwing up was effecting his body in a bad way. Louis constantly felt dizzy and had headaches. He slowly began walking to the stairs, leaning on the railing as he walked up to find Harry.
“Harry? I really can’t believe you’re mad at me for this.”
Harry was laying on his side, facing away from Louis.
“You seemed just fine in the car,” Harry said.
“So what? I’m entitled to say no!” Louis yelled, getting into bed.
“I know. You just did,” Harry scoffed.
“Stop being an arsehole.”
“Why don’t you want to have sex with me?”
“You know what Harry? If my opinion doesn’t matter then just come over here and fucking rape me!” Louis screamed.
After a moment of silence, Louis turned off the light, and Harry mumbled an apology. Louis ignored him, pretending not to hear and turned onto his side. The two boyfriends were now facing opposite directions, backs to each other when usually they would be clingy and limbs would be entwined.
It would be the first of many future fights.
Louis stumbled into the house, yawning. It was a little after nine pm and he had just been out with Eleanor.
“Harry?” He called.
They hadn’t been on good terms recently. Louis was refusing sex, on top of his anorexic and bulimic tendencies, he’s just simply felt like shit lately. He wasn’t in the mood for cuddling or light conversation. Harry, on the other hand, was same as always. He could tell something was off about their relationship, but he didn’t realize Louis was what was wrong. Louis was off balance, and that was putting Harry off balance as well.
“I’m in the kitchen baby,” Harry called.
Louis kicked off his shoes and headed into the kitchen, biting his lip at the site of Harry. Harry was in a suit and tie, sitting at one end of the table. There were candles in the center of the table and two plates, which had lobster and potatoes on it. Louis gasped and looked at Harry.
“Harry..baby I..” “
No. Shush. Sit down. Eat. We haven’t done anything together in so long. I miss you.”
“Harry…” Louis sat down and stared at the food. He felt tears in his eyes. He was exhausted from being out with Eleanor. The last thing he wanted to worry about tonight was purging. “I’m not hungry love.”
“You’re never hungry anymore! You never want to eat with me! Or do anything with me!” Harry screamed, throwing his napkin onto the table.
“That’s not true!” Louis yelled back.
“I set this whole thing up for you! For us! And you can’t just sit down and shut up and pretend you still enjoy spending time with me?”
“Harry that’s bullshit! You’re my favorite person in the world! I want to be with you every day forever!”
“You keep pushing me away!”
“Stop smothering me!”
“I’m not! Slaving over a stove and cooking a fancy dinner for my boyfriend of three years counts as smothering? Well I’m so fuckin sorry Louis!”
“Harry stop,” Louis cried, walking over to Louis and reaching out for his arm. Louis had tears on his cheeks as Harry flinched away from Louis. “Don’t,” was all Harry said.
Louis stood still. Inches from Hardy, yet so far away.
“I think I need some time alone,” Harry whispered.
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means I need a break. From this.”
“From us.” “
“Yeah. I..I can’t stay here if you’re not going to be here. This is your flat anyways. Ill go.”
Louis turned around with tears on his face, leaving Harry in the kitchen while he grabbed a few shirts and other clothing articles (he may or may not have grabbed one of Harry sweaters on “accident”). On his way out, Louis saw Harry cleaning up in the kitchen, as if nothing even happened.
“I love you,” Louis sobbed.
When he got no response, he left.
Louis cried himself to sleep at Liam’s house after locking himself on Liam’s hugs bathroom and throwing up until there was nothing left. After about an hour of dry heaving, sobbing and willing himself to throw up more,
Louis collapsed on the floor. Liam came in, flushed the toilet and helped Louis up, helping him to bed.
“It’s gonna be alright,” Liam whispered.
“It’s not,” Louis cried. After an hour of begging, Liam finally got up, giving in and went to the bag Louis had brought with him. He searched through it, pulling out the big red sweater (Harry’s sweater) and giving it to Louis.
Louis fell asleep almost instantly, cuddling himself between Liam and the headboard, clutching the hoodie in his arms.
He was haunted with nightmares all night long.
It took hours to get Louis up the next morning. Liam rubbed his back and kissed his forehead, gently coaxing him up. The moment Louis realized he was with Liam and not Harry, he began to sob. He just rolled over in bed and fought against Liam’s grip, refusing to get up. Finally, Liam gave up and just tried to get Louis to tell him what happened between him and Harry. This only made him cry more.
By the time Louis was out of bed, he didn’t have energy or time to get dressed. The van pulled up at Liam’s house and Liam swung an arm gently around Louis’ shoulders. They loaded into the van by the other boys. Louis sat quietly in the back, leaning his head on Niall’s shoulder. His fringe was in his eyes and his hair was all over the place in general. He was still wearing Harry’s red sweater and a pair of black sweat pants. He looked as if he had just gotten out of bed (which, he did).
“You alright mate?” Niall asked.
“Yeah,” Louis mumbled, voice scratchy. He hadn’t talked all day, and the only time he had used his voice was crying or whimpering in Liam’s arms.
Harry was acting as if nothing had happened at all, joking around with Zayn, Niall, and Liam as usual. Liam seemed wary, watching the way Louis still looked broken and Harry looked better then he had in a few weeks. He was glowing, radiant like the sun. His hair looked bouncy and his eyes were shining.
Of course, this only convinced Louis even more how much better Harry was without him.
The moment they arrived at the voice check, Louis jumped out of the car and ran to the bathroom, dry heaving what he could. He ended up spitting up a bit of water, but other then that, he had no solid food in his stomach to throw up.
There was a knock on the door but Louis ignored it. He lifted his shirt and looked at his stomach. After nearly a month now of purging and sustaining from eating, he had lost a significant amount of weight. His ribs were beginning to come off as defined, you could see the outline of them. Louis grabbed the skin of his stomach and pulled on it, crying at the sight. In his eyes he was still fat. He wasn’t good enough for Harry. He wasn’t good enough for management. Or the fans. Or the band.
He was so many things. Ugly. Stupid. Fat. Untalented. A bad boyfriend.
Harry was all the opposite. He was perfect. He deserved more.
By the time Louis exited the bathroom, he had come to terms with the fact that Harry was better off without him. He gurgled some water in his throat from the fountain outside the restrooms (spitting it back out, of course. He couldn’t drink something right after trying so hard to empty his stomach). He thought he had accepted that him and Harry were over, and this would be for the best.
Which is why it shouldn’t have hurt so bad to see Harry had moved on already.
And yet, it still stung like a knife when Louis saw Harry and Josh snogging.
Louis ran into the dressing room, ignoring Harry. Louis sank to the floor and cried until he fell asleep against the wall.
When he woke up again it was Niall, hugging him tightly and whispering how sorry he was. Louis just shook his head, incoherently mumbling over and over that he deserved it because he wasn’t good enough for Harry.
Niall didn’t agree at all.
And then Louis realized how badly he needed help.
“Niall. I’ve been doing something bad.”
“I know. Liam heard you in the bathroom.”
They did sound check as usual, Harry kept trying to come close to Louis, hoping to whisper him his explanation. Louis just kept his distance, and Liam and Niall helped him. They shot Harry warning eyes, kept their hands or arms on Louis’ shoulder, waist, and neck. Louis blushed red when Josh walked past him. Louis looked at Josh and then, for the first time, Louis turned and looked at Harry, dead in the eye.
“I hate you,” Louis cried into the microphone, so the entire room could hear. But it was meant for one person, and Harry knew it.
Louis threw the microphone on the floor and ran into his dressing room. Sitting numbly while the team picked out his clothes, then silently allowing Lou to do his hair, avoiding eye contact and keeping his head down while she worked. He heard Harry outside the dressing room.
“No. Niall let me go. Louis! Louis please! You don’t understand!”
There was a struggle, and a few more knocks on the door before silence. Louis thanked Lou and then she left the room silently, understanding he needed time. Harry and Louis had never been in a fought before, especially not under such drastic circumstances.
Liam came in and found Louis rubbing his stomach, pinching the places he believed needed less skin.
“Oh Louis..” Liam sighed.
“I hate myself,” Louis cried, rubbing his eyes.
“Don’t say that.”
Liam walked over to Louis and hugged him tightly, whispering in his ear, “Harry told us that he was venting to Josh about how he thought he had lost you, and Josh confessed that he had had a crush on Harry for a long time,” Liam explained gently, rubbing Louis’ back, “and before Harry could say anything, Josh grabbed his face and started snogging him. You saw it before Harry could pull away. Louis, Harry loved you. Not Josh.”
“How do you know he wasn’t lying?”
“Because I know Harry loves you.”
“You can’t be sure of that.”
“Louis. You know it too. You know he does. And you need help. What you’re doing to yourself is not okay.”
“Please don’t tell Harry.”
“Thank you,” Louis cried.
“I won’t because you need to tell him yourself.”
The concert that night was strange. The boys weren’t interacting as usual, and no one was quite enjoying themselves.
Louis felt as dizzy as ever, and had to sit down at the edge of the stairs in the middle because he just couldn’t stand anymore. He was stressed out and simply exhausted. Not to mention his stomach was killing him and his head felt fuzzy. His little body wasn’t used to putting so much effort into simply surviving.
Management motioned for Louis to stand back up, so he did, wanting to please them. Wanting to please the fans.
But then Louis saw nothing but a line of lights, and he felt all entirely too hot in his clothes. Louis felt his knees buckle and knew he hit the floor, but he couldn’t feel his body hitting the floor. His eyes slipped shut and he lied limp in the middle of the stage.
The fans screamed in horror and Liam, Zayn, and Niall froze, watching the scene, unsure of what was happening. Harry went on impulse, running to Louis. Harry scooped Louis’ small, frail body up in his arms and realized how light he was now. Harry shook him gently and peppered kisses all over his face, not even caring that the entire world was watching right now. “Louis please. God Louis please be okay. I love you, I only love you. It’s always been you. You’re my baby boy. Please. Please God be okay Lou,” Harry sobbed, clutching Louis tightly to his chest, praying silently for Louis to be alive.
The paramedics had to literally pull Louis away from Harry, while Harry screamed and struggled against Niall and Zayn’s grip, trying to get to Louis.
“What happened?” Harry sobbed.
“Harry, Louis has a problem,” Liam whispered.
“What does that mean? What problem?” Harry cried into Niall’s arms.
“Harry, Louis’ been starving himself.”
In the hospital, Louis woke up terrified, there was an IV in his hand and blankets up to his chin. Louis made a soft whimper and opened his eyes. Harry was laying next to him in the hospital bed. (The doctors told him it wasn’t allowed but Harry’s only response was, “I’m not letting him wake up without me.”).
“Hi love,” Harry whispered.
“Haz,” Louis shuddered, his lip quivering.
“No no, don’t cry,” Harry hushed. Harry had one arm secure around Harry’s chest and the other hand was rubbing Louis’ tummy softly. Louis tried to flinch away but Harry held him tightly, “Louis. You’re so perfect to me. God Louis. You scared me so much. I’m so sorry I didn’t notice before.”
“Not your fault,” Louis whispered.
“No. It is my fault. I should have noticed something was off about you. I should have figured out something was wrong and stuck by you. Instead I left you and I hurt you…Louis…that kiss wasn’t me. It was Josh. It was all him. I would never kiss him baby, he kissed me,” Harry said softly against Louis’ temple, his voice was soothing and quiet.
“You don’t love Josh?” Louis whimpered helplessly.
“Of course not. I love you Louis. I love you so much.”
They were silent for a few moments before Harry began talking again.
“You’re beautiful Louis. I should have reminded you more. You mean the world to me. You’re perfect. You’re proper fit and sexy and I love your stomach. I love it how it was, I love it how it is. I’d love it anyway it is because I love you. I just want you to be happy and healthy baby boy. You’re my little Louis. My little love. I love that you’re small but I don’t want you withering away. You’re small enough without hurting yourself.”
Louis gripped Harry tightly. “I’m little,” he repeated, as if trying to convince himself.
“So little,” Harry agreed, “You fit in my arms perfectly. And you’re the perfect size to fit over the consul and give me a blow job while I’m driving,” Harry smirked, trying to ease the mood. “You’re the perfect size to cuddle when I’m scared of thunder, and to lay on top of me and box me in. I love being surrounded by you, like I’m in my own little world of just Louis. Just you. I love it. I love it so much. And you were always like that baby. I can’t believe you ever thought you were too big.”
“Harry. I want to come home.”
“Of course baby. No more sleeping at Liam’s house.”
“Never again,” Louis agreed.
“The doctor suggested some treatment programs,” Harry sighed.
“Harry I’m so sorry I’ve caused so much trouble.”
“Baby stop. This is part of the problem. You can’t blame yourself for everything. You’re wonderful as you are. The very best. My very best boy.”
“I need a break from touring,” Louis declared.
“There was just too much. Too much Eleanor. Too much stress. Too many expectations. I can’t do it anymore Harry. It was so hard. I’m never going to be good enough for them.”
“I don’t care. You’re good enough for me.”
“I just need some time I think. Some time with you. Because..because I know it’s wrong. And I know I’m small but..but all I can see is fat…and…and not being good enough for you. That’s all I want Harry, is to be perfect for you.”
“You’ve always been perfect for me. I left you when you needed me most. I should have been there for you,” Harry whispered, “Next time you feel like this, please tell me.”
“How will you help?”
Harry smiled and snuggled Louis even closer, “If you ever feel bad about yourself, I’ll put you in my biggest sweater, so you can see the way you swim in it. And then I’ll snuggle you under the blankets of our bed and tell you how much I love you. And I’ll tell you how pretty and skinny you are until you’re okay again.”
Louis began sobbing again, and Harry held him tightly.
It was a long road to recovery, and it was going to be tough as ever. But Harry would spend his whole life making this up to Louis. Spend forever making up not being there for Louis when he needed him more than anyone.
Harry smiles at Louis, quick and easy, and says, “Well, since we’re in the same boat, we’ll just make our own Christmas. What do you say?”
Louis tamps down on a bloom of warmth in his belly. He barely knows Harry past seeing him walk down the hall in just his skivvies - not that he’s complaining - but he’s being so lovely, smiling at him so hopefully, and, well. Louis doesn’t much fancy the idea of spending Christmas completely alone. Nodding, he reaches out and pokes Harry’s dimple, watches it flirt to life underneath his fingertip. “I say yes.”
AKA, Harry and Louis are uni students studying abroad in New York, stuck in the dorms together over Christmas.
Notes: THIS WAS SO WONDERFUL IT’S GOTTA BE ONE THE BEST IN THE EXCHANGE EVERYONE READ IT - E