its me&my exes

Okay, here’s the thing- I want Panto to flirt with Dirk, and I want Dirk to be flustered/flattered and seemingly enjoying the attention (even if he’s not actually into the guy). I want Todd to be absolutely certain that Dirk’s digging the hot bubblegum prince. And then I want the ‘AU fanfiction episode’ to be a musical (maybe Buffy style where no one can control what they’re singing), and I want Todd to burst into this:

And I want Dirk to be confused AF because a) who are you singing about I don’t fancy anyone?? and b) YOU fancy ME?!, and for Todd to be embarrassed and run away. And Dirk wanders round confused for a long, long time before bumping into Panto, who (having noticed that Dirk’s in love with Todd because it’s so obvious) bursts into the exact same song. Penny drops, Dirk politely turns down Panto and tracks down Todd, and he’s both nervous/delighted because OhGodOhGodToddLikesMe and also so fucking amused because really Todd? You thought I was interested in HIM? Do I have to hit you in the face with an ‘I like you’ brick?, and it’s really cute and awkward and they both know now and it’s sweet and they link fingers by the campfire, not making a big deal out of it or anything, and Dirk doesn’t think it’s the magic spell making him want to burst into song right at this moment.

Basically what I’m saying is don’t be fooled by all the Dirk/Panto headcanons I’ve been posting- I am still Brotzly Trash #1 and I am very much enjoying using this pretty new character as a shameless plot device in all my crackiest get-together headcanons and y’all can’t stop me.

THE SIGNS AS SHIT MY SCORPIO BEST FRIEND HAS DONE
  • Aries: SQUARED UP TO THREE GEESE FOR NO REASON I SWEAR
  • Taurus: bought me food one day didn't buy me food the next
  • Gemini: kept judging my gemini ex and then kept writing fanfics about us and kept shipping us (it's ok tho me and my ex secretly ship each other together too probs)
  • Cancer: cried in front of a cop to get out of an interrogation (i just intimidated them lol)
  • Leo: kept talking shit about their ex friend Sam. "SHE COULD DIE IN A HOLE I DON'T CARE SHE SHOULD KILL HERSELF. FAT FUCK. " me: o.
  • Virgo: attempted to clean my room and just threw all my water bottles away
  • Libra: goes after married guys instead of free ones.
  • Scorpio: kept doing flirty and kinky shits to me everyday (THEY STILL DO KMS)
  • Sagittarius: Kept telling me they were going to tell their crush they liked them but they never do "I'M GONNA TELL THEM TODAY OK OK THERE THEY ARE" me: *yells out their crush's name and crush looks at me* Them: O FUCK SHIT FUCK DAMMIT NO FUCK SHIT NOTTODAY FUCKKK FUCK NOT FUNOTKNOTDT-TIADA F U C K
  • Capricorn: gave a bitch face to everyone i told them that i hated
  • Aquarius: (my sign) made me skip down the hallway with them arm in arm
  • Pisces: made me queerplatonic. (friends but shit happens. Brendon Urie stuff.)

anonymous asked:

bruh u really are inspirational as fuck. like i see u getting over whitney & it's helping me get over my ex so much. keep doing u dude

aw i wish you the best. just find happiness within yourself and make sure your friends make you smile when you’re down.
i promise as long as u have yourself you’re gonna be fine. it’ll take a while but if you were in the same type of relationship i was, you’re gonna get fed up and eventually realize you deserve to be treated sooo much better.
i’m so mf excited for that day but i’m not rushing it. somebody will just randomly come in your life and then you’re gonna realize why it didn’t work w anybody else !
good luck ma