its like right in front of you

4

So I said, I think it was last episode, that I don’t really buy the “Sword draw as metaphor for sex” thing they occasionally try to sell, and I actually think it’s probably misdirection on the part of the show, to keep me from seeing something else, I just haven’t quite figured out what it is yet. (if its anything at all–i’m not always convinced Utena knows exactly what its doing) 

But I am really interested that one of the characters that I see ‘selling’ it the hardest is Nanami, and I’m wondering if it’s a commentary on how simple she is. Not, like, stupid, but she mostly seems to see things for what right in front of her, and go for an obvious answer, not something that might be underneath. 

Like in the cow episode, we saw her accept that Cowstain Dior (I am never fucking forgiving you, anime) has just sent her a high end item, without wondering how the fuck that might happen. If she’s so wrapped up in how things APPEAR, it might make sense that Nanami would be the one to present us with the easy metaphor the sword provides. 

Please remember: This is as far as I am in the show! Please don’t confirm, deny, or help me in any way!

3

I love how when Victor first skates the Eros routine, we can clearly see Yuuri standing with Yurio and Yuuko on the other side of the rink barrier.

Yuuri is not standing on the ice in this scene.

Oh, but then.

After Yuuri feels the Immaculate Conception coming over him…

The music pauses abruptly and…

Okay, wait. Hold up.

How is Yuuri suddenly standing right in front of Victor? Where did Yurio and Yuuko go? Where’s the rink barrier?

Did … Yuuri walk out onto the ice in the middle of Victor’s performance?

Yep, he sure did.

Meaning, not only did he feel like Victor’s Eros was trying to get him pregnant, but Yuuri’s body decided on its own to move him physically closer in case Victor’s body wanted to finish the job. That’s some caveman behavior right there.

Victor probably stopped mid-performance because suddenly there was a person standing there in his way. Like, “Oh, hey. Where’d you come from? Did you want to try this yourself or…?”

In summary: Victor’s Eros has the power to pull Yuuri in like a friggin tractor beam.

But I mean, to be fair…

Yuuri’s tractor-beam-Eros pulled Victor all the way from Russia to Japan. Not just a few measly feet onto the ice, sooooo…

Yeah, they’re both hopeless.

"... Thank you, Mr Spock."

Mccoy: *gives cup to the pretty woman he’s trying to woo*
Spock: *gives cup to Jim*

  • Ravenclaw: There's going to be snow!
  • Sytherin: Yup, enough to bury small animals.
  • Ravenclaw: Why must you be like this?
  • Slytherin: Why are you so excited about it?
  • Ravenclaw: Because now I can sit in front of the fireplace and read books.
  • Slytherin: You do that anyway.
  • Ravenclaw: Yeah, but now there's aesthetic.
2

Stay  ~Jeff Atkins x Reader~

There’s something beautiful about the summer- they way it creates a new version of reality where music sounds better and happiness feels sweeter. Parties can give the same kind of feeling where nothing feels real, but all of it feels great. Well, until the next morning.

This makes an end of the summer party the pinnacle of a new reality. Inhibitions run low and everything else is on overdrive. In a week they will all be students again, studying to ensure the best future possible. But for tonight they are 60% alcohol and 40% bad decisions.

“Y/N!” Jess squeals with excitement, running towards the girl who just entered the room. She had been away visiting family abroad for the majority of the summer, and while the beaches had given a whole new meaning to the word ‘paradise’, this was where she was truly happiest.

“Jess!” she returns the enthusiasm, hugging her best friend tightly. The warm breezes that blew in through her window every morning this past summer brought her comfort, but this was home.

“I want in,” Justin grins, approaching the two and enveloping them between his arms.

“God I’ve missed you guys,” she sighs contentedly.

“You have so much third wheeling to catch up on,” Jess teases light heartedly.

Her face twists up unpleasantly at the thought. She loves both Jess and Justin dearly, but she does not love the thought of third wheeling. “With all due respect, I think I’ll pass.”

“Is that Y/N Y/L/N?!” a fourth voice enters the picture, causing the trio to part and turn towards the person walking towards them.

Jeff Atkins. Baseball star and literal ray of sunshine with the face of an angel and the body of a Greek God.

“Hey, Jeff,” she laughs, walking away from Jess and Justin to meet him halfway.

“I haven’t seen you in forever,” Jeff grins warmly, brushing her arm with his hand. It’s a sweet gesture. He’s always been so sweet.

“It’s only been like two months,” she mirrors his grin. It’s impossible not to smile back at someone who radiates warmth the way he does.

“Feels like forever though. Especially since I was used to seeing you everyday at school. You look nice by the way,” he bumps her shoulder.

“I missed you, too,” she chuckles, “I look like I always do.”

“Exactly.”

She bites her lips together before looking down shyly and letting them fall apart into a smile. Jeff Atkins was so genuinely good in a way that was uniquely him.

“Jeff!” Troy yells from the outside patio, “Beer pong, now, c’mon man!”

“Coming!” Jeff yells back to Troy, but turns back to her before walking away. “Come watch us play? You can practice cheering me on for baseball season,” his mouth twists into a smirk.

“Who says I’m gonna come to your baseball games?” She challenges playfully, using quick wit to redeem herself from the shy smile.

“Don’t break my heart, Y/N,” he pouts childishly, walking backward to join the boys for a game of beer pong but not breaking eye contact with her. He finally turns away from her to exit the house and join those outside, but not before mouthing a “pleaasssseeee” and sticking out his bottom lip.

“I’ll be there in a second!” she yells so he can hear her over the music.

His pout transforms into a grin before he disappears through the threshold, indicating that he heard her.

“So how about a double date instead of third wheeling?” Justin and Jess approach her with Justin wiggling his eyebrows suggestively.

“Oh shut up,” her face heats up at the thought, “He’s a nice guy. He’s friendly with everyone.”

“Yeah, but he doesn’t flirt with everyone,” Jess interjects, crossing her arms over her chest vindictively.

“He didn’t ask me to cheer for him,” Justin fakes offense, “Honestly I’m a little hurt.”

“Fuck off, Justin,” she laughs loudly, putting her hands over her face.

“You better get out there,” Justin presses, gesturing to the sliding door, “After all, it’s mine and Jess’s two month anniversary so an intense make-out session could happen at anytime.”

“Bye!” she turns on her heels quickly, running away from her friends before they could make things awkward, or more awkward.

***
Five cups of jungle juice and two games of beer pong later she’s sitting on a folding lawn chair watching Jeff singlehandedly win a third game of beer pong since Troy had wandered off and was bothering Hannah and Clay.

After sinking another shot, Jeff notices where Troy had gone. A brief look of panic flashes across his face before he mutters a quick, “be right back!”, making a beeline for Troy. Jeff was just about as invested in Clay and Hannah as Clay was in Hannah. She wondered just how much better off the world would be if everyone had the same heart as Jeff.

“Did you save the day?” she asks upon Jeff’s return. She’s quite drunk and seeing two of everything, including two Jeffs. How wonderful would that be? A world with two Jeff Atkins. Incredible.

“I don’t know about that,” he chuckles modestly, “It’s up to Clay.”

“Meanwhile that beer run is up to you, buddy” Troy points out, his words slurring together.

“Later man,” Jeff replies, picking up a ping pong ball.

“Because you definitely need more alcohol,” she rolls her eyes at Troy, a sick feeling blossoming in her stomach.

“Don’t be a buzzkill, Y/N,” Troy retorts.

“Hey, relax,” Jeff snaps at Troy, “you’ll get your beer.”

The sick feeling in her stomach intensifies tenfold. She doesn’t want him to go, but she can’t beg him to stay. He’s not drunk, he would never jeopardize his life or anyone else’s so recklessly. But something about it still doesn’t feel right. He shouldn’t go.

She stands up, wobbling slightly. She grabs the back of her lawn chair to steady herself before heading back for the house. The twisting in her stomach is ominous in a way that refuses to be ignored.

“Where’re you going?” Jeff asks, his eyebrows knitting together.

“I need another drink,” she mumbles, brushing past him.

***
Three shots and a game of suck and blow later she’s feeling light and airy. All the anxiety from earlier has been replaced with a tingling feeling that reaches her feet. She’s quite hammered, and all the slip ups in suck and blow have her laughing and her sides aching. She’s starting to get lightheaded.

“I’m gonna go get some air,” she gasps in-between fits of laughter.

“Can you even walk?” Jess giggles.

“I’ll crawl if I have to,” she shrugs, stumbling her way out the door.

***
There’s nothing like the refreshing sensation of cool air hitting your skin after being cooped up in a house full of drunks, especially when you’re drunk yourself. The feeling of a breeze on her face is intoxicating in its own right, so she continues to walk around the outside of the house until she reaches the front.

There’s someone else at the front of the house, too. She can only see their back as they walk towards the row of cars, but she knows who it is. Suddenly she remembers why she felt the need to down three shots of vodka.

“Atkins,” she calls out, stumbling a bit as she walks forward.

He turns around at the sound of his name, smiling when he sees who it is. “Hey, you. Looks like you got that drink you wanted,” he laughs lightheartedly at her shaky balance.

“You making that beer run?” she asks, wringing her hands together nervously.

“Yeah. I’m not even a little buzzed, don’t worry,” he says soothingly.

“Stay,” she says softly.

“Huh?” he tilts his head to the side.

She continues to walk forward until she’s standing right in front of him, her weight falling to the side enough to make her falter. He reaches out to steady her, keeping a firm grasp on her side. She places her hands on his chest to steady herself before locking her eyes on his.

“Stay,” she repeats.

“Y/N, it’s okay I’m completely fine I promise. I only had two beers like two hours ago,” he assures, his voice gentle.

“I know, but it’s not like anybody needs anymore alcohol. I’m one of the more sober ones right now and that says a lot. Honestly I don’t even know how I made it out here on my own,” she sighs, “Just stay, please. ”

He looks at her softly, his eyes studying the worry etched onto her face. She feels so delicate in his grasp, like a porcelain doll that could shatter with too much pressure. He has always been enamored with her.

“Okay,” he moves his hands to hold her face, “I’ll stay.”

She lets out a heavy breath, letting her forehead rest against his chest and wrapping her arms around him. Maybe she was worrying over nothing, maybe she wasn’t, but she’s unexplainably relieved at those words.

“You gotta promise to watch me play baseball though,” he teases.

“I’ll be there every game with a sign that has your name on it,” she laughs, tilting her chin up to look at him.

“You gotta stop looking at me like that,” he shakes his head,“I might just fall in love with you.”

“Don’t get my hopes up.”

“Don’t leave for two months at a time,” he counters, grinning boyishly.

“I’d stay right here forever if I could,” she tightens her arms around him.

“I’d kiss you if you weren’t like 10 drinks deep right now,” he laughs, rubbing her back gingerly.

“Let’s go inside. I need to get sober. Right now. Immediately,” she pulls away, grabbing his hand to tow him behind her. Their laughter echoes down the empty street as they run around to the back of the house.

There’s something beautiful about the end of summer- the way things begin to feel more permanent. A simple request can change so much. All he had to do was stay. And he did.


Masterlist

Gifs (X) (X)

Today, I miss you

I miss you like the desert miss the rain. My heart became a barren land when you left and I’ve been yearning for your love to bring back the life in me. Today, you are my oasis.

I miss you like how I miss the moon when the night’s too cloudy. I look up every now and then just to get a glimpse of its beauty but I can’t find any. Something inside me knew the moon was there but the heavy clouds preparing to cry has hidden it. It’s there but out of reach. Today, you are my moon.

I miss you like how a person looks for a shade on a hot summer day. It’s looking for an umbrella while trying to ignore the burning sensation on one’s skin. You endure the pain. Today, you are my umbrella.

I miss you like how I keep on missing the the signs that you’re not coming back. They were right in front of me but I still can’t see it. Missing you felt like trying to understand the secrets of the universe. It was a hopeless case but I still try. It was ignoring all the bad and holding on to the little good. Today, you are my sign.

Today, I miss you. It’s painful. It’s sad. It’s desperate. It’s coming up for air only to drown instead. It’s gazing outside the window of a hotel room wishing you’re here knowing you can’t be here. It’s a contradiction. It’s a shame. Because no matter how many times I tell myself you’re not coming back, a part of me still clings to the 1 percent that you would.

Today, I miss you. Today, you are my 1 percent.

But tomorrow, well tomorrow’s a different story.

Ink and Kisses

Anon said to moi:

“Omg i want a tattoo artist jungkook!!!!!! 😭😩 smut/fluff/and honestly anything!!!! I just love tattoos artists jungkook but there aren’t alot of those fanfic…. can u help a poor girl out ??💖”

FIRst time trying a Tattoo artist AU. I had to do some reading before this, and JK is sO sexy i s2g. Still weird that I don’t really ever feel like doing the do with him. HOPE YOU ENJOY <3 1,400 Words

Pairing: Jeon Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Fluff, Tattooist au!

Part 1 | Part 2 (FINAL)

Originally posted by nnochu

No one would have ever imagined that hardcore badass Jeon Jungkook, the most well-known tattoo artist in the town, the guy who dropped out to follow his passion, was best friends with beautiful, sweet, top-scoring university student, Y/N. 

Physically, they seemed to be polar opposites. He had dragons inked onto his skin, three piercings on his left ear and two on his right, and always wore black; whilst you were a bright, clean slate – but you knew that was what he loved about you.

Keep reading

les amis as things my writing teacher has said
  • Enjolras: For this prompt, don't write about cis men. Don't do it.
  • Courfeyac: We should have a walk like a t-rex day where everyone in the school walks like a t-rex.
  • Combeferre: The computer science class is exploiting me.
  • Jehan: Adverbs are very pretty much not your friends. See what I did there?
  • Grantaire: Does anyone else think life is just one sick joke? I feel like God is punishing me.
  • Joly: I went to Stanford for psychology and was an overachiever. Now look at me.
  • Bahorel: D-A-D-D-Y is here. See? I didn't say it that time because you guys yell at me.
  • Feuilly: If I won a million dollars I would reform the school so they could pay teachers more.
  • Bossuet: Hey guys? You need to stop talking.
  • bonus:
  • Eponine: I thought you were my bae but you're just a weirdo.
  • Marius: Our printer can't do anything right. I feel like it's a metaphor for me and ultimately this class.
  • Cosette: Who was writing about the angels? This is good. Oh it's a ten grader.
  • Muischetta: Guys are weak and easily manipulated. Take care of them. They're children. Poor things.
  • Montparnasse: *shouts loudly as he exits the school building in front of a group of children* MOTHERFUCKER!
You Suck, Parker

Request: #111 with peter ?

Prompt: 111.  A (whispering): I really like you and want to kiss you a lot.
       B: What?
       A: I said you suck.

Word Count: 1476

Warnings: SO MANY SEXUAL INNUENDOS

A/N: Holy moly I had so much fun writing this one.

Summary: Peter and Y/N have been friends for quite some time and wow, they finally admit their feelings for each other while making a few sexual innuendos here and there. (THis is fluffy I swear).

MASTERLIST


“Y/N, when will you be home tonight?” Your mother asked you.

“Not sure. Peter and I have a Chem test on Monday and want to try and get a lot of studying in before then,”

“Meaning the two of you won’t study at all, but watch movies and then fall asleep on the couch,”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” you you admitted.

“Alright, behave yourself and make sure you’re home by tomorrow morning,”

“Of course, mom. I’ll see you tomorrow!” You said as you left your house to head to Peter’s.

You and Peter had known each other for quite a long time, and you usually spent your Friday night’s ‘studying’ aka, attempting to study but ending up watching movies.

You would argue that you were Peter’s best friend, but Ned always says otherwise. But you and Peter were rather close, you were always spending time with him, and it was no secret to you that he was Spiderman.

And of course, you harboured feelings for the boy. For as long as you could remember you had had a crush on Peter Parker. And damn, were your feelings growing with each passing day. Peter, of course, had no idea, but you weren’t exactly sure whether that was a problem or not.

When you arrived at Peter’s door, you knocked and May let you in.

“Y/N! Peter will be so happy you’re here. He’s in his room, just go on it,”

“Thanks May! It’s great to see you,”

“Nice to see you too, Y/N,” She said as you walked away towards Peter’s room

“Knock knock,” You said, opening Peter’s bedroom door.

“Y/N, hey,” he smiled

You walked in and sat down on Peter’s chair, across from his bed where he was sitting.

“So did you bring your books?” Peter asked

“Of course not Parker. We never actually study, I thought why bother lugging heavy textbooks over here if we weren’t actually going to study,”

Peter laughed, “That’s fair, but I thought we could skip the movie tonight?”

“Skip the movie? Who are you and what have you done with Peter Parker?”

“C’mon, I had a better idea,”

“And what is this better idea of yours Mr Parker?” You questioned.

Peter smiled at you, stood up and walked across his room to his closet. He began stripping, pulling his shirt off

“Not that I’m opposed to this, but what are you doing Parker?”

Peter laughed, “I’m putting on my Spidey suit,”

“Oh, so not only are you getting naked, but you’re getting kinky,” you raised your eyebrows.

“Geez, Y/N, didn’t realize you were into that kinda thing,” Peter said, continuing to put on his suit.

“Oh there’s a lot you don’t know i’m into,” 

“Oh yeah, and what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Play your cards right and maybe one day you’ll find out,”

“I’ll definitely keep that in mind,” Peter said.

He put the mask over his face and walked over and held his hand out to you,

“Shall we, my dear?”

“And what exactly are we doing?”

“Just, come with me,”

You took Peter’s hand and followed him out onto his fire escape.

“What now, Parker?” You asked

Peter wrapped his arm around your waist and said “Now you hold on tight,”

“Oh god,” you muttered, wrapping your arms around his neck.

Suddenly, your feet weren’t on the fire escape anymore, you could feel yourself flying through the air. Your heart was rapidly beating

“Don’t worry, Y/N, I’ve got you,” Peter said.

You tightened your grip on Peter, closed your eyes, and buried your face in his neck. You felt Peter’s arm wrap tighter around your waist.

Soon, you felt Peter hit the ground, and he slowly let go of you and your feet hit the ground.

You opened your eyes and looked around, you were standing on a roof,

“Where are we?”

“I found this place not too long ago, its nothing special, but you can see so much of the city from up here, I thought it was so beautiful when I first saw it. It reminded me of you. I knew I had to show you,” Peter answered, taking off his mask.

You walked to the edge of the building and stared off watching the lights of the city. The cars’ lights reflections danced off the windows of the buildings around you. You could hear the noises of the city below, the car horns and the sirens, yet everything was quiet so high up.

“It really is beautiful up here, Peter,” you turned to look at him

“I’m glad you like it,” He smiled, rubbing the back go his head with his hand.

“Its not just the view I like, Peter,”

“Right, you like the Spidey suit, turns you on,” He joked

“More like I really like you and want to kiss you a lot,” you whispered to yourself

What?” Peter asked

I said you suck, Parker,”

Peter rolled his eyes, and grabbed your hand, “Come on, theres something else I want to show you,”

You allowed Peter to lead you across the roof of the building. There was a small garden in the corner, with a bench next to it.

“Peter, this is so beautiful,”

You approached the garden and slowly let your hand fall out of Peter’s as you bent down to admire the flowers.

“I remember you telling me you love forget-me-not’s and lilies, so I planted some earlier this season and they finally bloomed, so I figured now would be the best time to show you this place,”

“Peter, how on earth do you not have a girlfriend? You’re actually the sweetest boy I know,” you smiled, leaning over to place a kiss on his cheek.

“Well actually, there is someone I like,”

“Oh really? And who might this special someone be?” You teased, walking around the garden to lean on the side of the roof.

“Well, they know my secret,” Peter said, holding up his mask, “they also are always crashing my house and distracting me from my homework,”

Peter started walking closer towards you.

“They also can never decide what movie to watch on movie nights. Not to mention that they distract me in class too. Not on purpose, mind you, but they’re so beautiful, I can’t help but stare at them,”

You smiled, you knew he was talking about you. As soon as he started talking, you knew.

“Tell me more, Peter Parker,”

Peter was now standing right in front of you, “Well, i’ve kinda had a thing for them for a few years now. I’m kinda actually in love with them,”

“Well, in that case, there’s something you should know Parker,”

“What’s that, Y/N?” 

“There this superhero I’m kind of in love with,”

“Please tell me its not Mr. Stark, that would just make this so awkward,”

“No, but have you seen Captain America’s ass? Damn,”

Peter rolled his eyes at you.

“I’m kidding. Kind of,” you said

“Y/N,-“ Peter started

“I love you too, Peter,” You said

“Don’t you mean I really like you and want to kiss you a lot,” Peter whispered

“You dID HEAR ME,”

“Of course I heard you,” Peter smiled.

“You suck, Parker,”

“Does this mean I can kiss you now?”

“I think I changed my mind. Do you have Captain America’s number? He seems like he wouldn’t be as mean to me,”

You stared at Peter while he bit back a smile.

“Yes Parker! Kiss me already,”

Peter put his hands on either side of your face, and gently pressed his lips up against yours. 

You pulled away, “You still suck Parker,”

“I think, now, it’ll be you that will be the one who sucks,”

“Oh mY GOD PARKER!” You laughed.

“Sorry, sorry, it had to be said,” he smiled.

“So Parker, are you going to take me back to your house so we can finish up that movie night, and maybe, maybe, if you’re lucky we can talk about that other thing you suggested,”

“I think by the time you even decide on a movie to watch, i’ll be asleep and it’ll be too late for anything else,” he joked

“Well it would be the perfect way to wake up, now wouldn’t it, Parker,”

“Damn, maybe I should wear this suit around you more often,”

“Believe me, its not the suit,”

“Well, then what are we waiting for?” Peter asked, putting his mask back on.

He wrapped his arm sound your waist and shot a web to another building. The two of you were flying over the city once again, but this time you kept your eyes open.

cactusjesus-iwajesus  asked:

So I just wanted to ask some art tips. I'm an amateur artist and I'm still trying to get my anatomy right. I'd like to ask how did you learn how to draw hands and feet (and also shoes). While I do draw in a front facing view I love drawing depth and dynamic poses so I hope it's not too much trouble to ask about that too. Also your art is inspiring to me. It's breathtaking and I love it. I'm sure you've heard this from everyone but your Mafia AU is incredible and so is your comic. (=゚ω゚)ノ♡

Ooooh, no prob at all!!! O3O
Honestly tho, I still consider myself an amateur, so, I’ll do what I can to help! XD

ah, anatomy is super tough, like, THERE’S A REASON YOU REALLY DON’T SEE FEET IN MY ART
LIKE
ahahahaha
BUT!
As I am sure most ppl will say, the only way to get better is to practice :3
Look at your own hands and feet, sketch them out, try and understand how they move the the forms they make :D
I know there’s like a weird feeling that using references is somehow “cheating” BUT THAT IS BULLSHIT, GOOGLE IMAGE THINGS AND USE REFERENCES ALL THE WAY!!!
When you’re just practicing, like, just straight up trace things at times :D
Carve the feeling into your hands, muscle memory is definitely a thing!
The best thing to do when you’re learning is to chunk things, draw the basic shapes that make up feet and hands and then add in details :3
Here are some feet and hands practice I’ve done, notice the basic shapes are drawn and then the details done on top of it :D

All these were done with references, btw o3o

Hope that was helpful ^w^

The Healer

Request: Could you write a Reader x Paul Lahote where the reader finds an injured wolf (who is Paul stuck in wolf form because he is too injured to shift back) and she takes care of him? Maybe like Paul realises she’s his imprint and is nervous about how she’ll react when he shifts back and she finds out what he is and that she’s his mate? Thanks xo

Warnings: Slight angst 

Pairing: Paul Lahote x reader

Keep reading

she already heard you two last night

stonus bory:

she just needs some luvin okay

My Favorite Vines: A List

• “There’s only one thing worst than a rapist” “a child” “no”
• The little girl who throws the child-size Barbie against the wall and Law And Order: Special Victims Unit comes up
• “I went to church and I am in love with Jesus now” “JESUS!! LEAVE MARIA ALONE!!”
• Guy dressed like God: “and behind me is the biggest fucking mistake of my life”
• “I tell people I just use essence of England in my hair they ask what’s that ITS THE FUCKING RAIN”
• Free shavak adoo
• The guy who looks like chicken little saying he doesn’t like to be compared to chicken little because chicken little is a coward
• Big bird busTING DOWN THE DOOR
• “Welcome to the meet OR greet mother fucker, you gotta pick one”
• “What would you do if there was a child right in front of you?” *knocks kid over*
• That spaghetti scene in Lady & the Tramp vs a dog eating spaghetti in real life
• Beyoncé (at least I think it’s Beyoncé) dancing on a balcony and then flying away while an Enya song plays
• “Go suck a dick suck a dick suck a motherfucking dick”
• “Look at this graph”
• The guy using camera effects to switch between a skinny head and a fat head while singing baby it’s cold outside
• The guy making bop-it noises
• “Hi I’m Barbie! Let’s go for a ride! What the fuck kind of weather is this?!”
• “I put a banana peel on the ground and I’m gonna see if it really is slippery the way it is in cartoons”
• Mike wazowski in the washing mashing while hello darkness my old friend plays
• The one titled “those people who can talk to the dead”
• The guy who got a pack of gum with one empty sealed up space and is mad about it: “excite-mint my ass”
• “When I was gay, I thought I was in the third grade”
• The chair being pushed in that sounds like Chewbacca
• The farmer who drew a giant penis with his tractor

(I don’t know how to make vine compilations, so I made this list instead.)

anonymous asked:

So I got a question about the sparing and padding post that you recently made. I like to read Assassin's Creed fanfictions that shows Altair (the main character) in his early years, which often includes his training to be an assassin. In most of these fics they focus more on the sword and knife fighting but some does include the hand to hand fighting too (without protection). So realistically what kind of injuries would someone training without any kind of protection should expect?

Death.

I’m only sort of kidding, because I know the kinds of fanfics you’re talking about and like every writer trying to be edgy, they have them spar without protections and with live weapons. There’s a reason why we use practice weapons during training and in sparring matches, where rules are in play. 

Now, the Assassin’s Creed variant of the Hashashin live for that super edgy, very stupid state of supposed badass where one must constantly prove their worth so I totally believe they’d do it. I’d also believe this would lead to an incredibly high turnover with their recruits, which is not sustainable in the real world.

I’m going to point out here that the “Asassins” or Hashashin were real. That’s the etymology for the word. The suicide jumping is also real and, instead of landing on bales of hay, they jumped to their deaths. There are a couple of stories about that piece of the order. The real Assassins were religious fanatics. These stories are not so much a testament to the quality of their training so much as their fanaticism.

For what it’s worth, the Knights Templar were also real and a prominent militant order up until they were excommunicated by the Pope.

The history of both groups is actually far more interesting than the Assassin’s Creed franchise. This is a persistent problem with the games, they invariably include historical figures who are far, far, far more interesting, competent, and badass than we’re presented with. If you encounter a historical personage in an Assassin’s Creed game, remind yourself of this simple fact: the real one is about 200x more awesome. It’s this weird inverse where the reality consistently surpasses the fiction. (Black Flag, I have my eye on you. Honestly, how do you mess up Stede Bonnet, The Gentleman Pirate? And that’s the least of your sins!)

The more serious answer is that unless you’re training with weapons or making an active effort to hit each other, in the real world we don’t train using pads on the regular. The pads are so you can essentially go full out against another person under controlled circumstances and then come back for training tomorrow. If your students are constantly getting injured that hampers their ability to train, then they fall behind and you turn out fewer fighters. Injuries on the training floor should not be a common occurrence.

Barring accidents and mishaps, if you’re simply practicing your techniques on your own or against a wooden dummy then all you should expect afterwards is standard muscle pain (maybe some bruising). The same should be true for practice with human opponents (which is not sparring) and sparring itself.

Anything else is a waste of time, energy, and resources.

Remember, injuries take time to heal and if you’re prepping someone to go out and murder that’s time you don’t have.

In the land of “edgy training”, try to remember that you want evil as opposed to incompetence.

The vast majority of training, like the kinds you listed, are edgy incompetence. They don’t serve a purpose other than sadism and your students don’t learn anything. Unfortunately, cruelty on its own doesn’t teach much (the Spartans were abusive jerks, but their methods worked). The beat up, abuse them, cruelty methodology simply doesn’t work unless you understand the kinds that work and, from a storytelling perspective, it also isn’t interesting.

The kind of “edgy training” you see in most stories is a round of Kinder’s First. People mimicking what Hollywood has taught them or what they’ve seen in fiction elsewhere. The assumption in this line of thinking is that the more brutal the training then the more dangerous the fighter. This isn’t true. More importantly, there are much better ways to sadistically mess with your students’ (and audience’s) heads.

1) Depending on your teaching style, you may murder a student on occasion to motivate the others. However, the control over who lives or dies remains with the instructor because the instructor is god. If a student gets a bright idea to kill another student without your approval, kill them.

2) Live weapons should never be used by students on each other except as a graduation gift. The graduation gift being only one of them will be accepted into the Order, so prove your worth. (In the real world, you’ll probably need them both but in fantasy land… why not?)

3) Use the threat of death to keep your students from getting comfortable, make good on this promise every so often. Bring in an established warrior to kill off your best student in demonstration to the others. (Why? It reminds them at no point are they safe.)

4) Encourage your students to break the rules, punish them severely if caught. (Playing favorites? Punish them more, push them harder.)

5) Limit their resources. Make them fight each other for their food. Survival isn’t a given. It’s earned.

6) In the early days, force them into physical exhaustion. Keep them up late. Wake them early. Limit their sleep to the minimum of hours they need to stay functional. Tired minds are easier to manipulate.

7) Force them into direct conflict with each other. There’s never a solid baseline they can achieve, and they’re always watching over their shoulder. Furthermore they never become loyal to each other. They are only loyal to you. Appeasing their teacher is their only means of survival.

8) Got a problem child who won’t play along? Don’t make an example of them. No, no, make them your new favorite. That’ll turn the others on them, and they’ll solve the problem for you.

9) Change the goalposts regularly, so they never know what to expect.

10) You’ve got someone who doesn’t want to participate? Say okay. When others move to join them, punish those students viciously instead. Do it in front of the class and for everyone to see. (This is called: creating heroes and wrecking them.)

11) Have your students inform on each other.

If this is starting to sound like abuse, well.. you’re right. It is. It also very successful in terms of achieving its goal. The goal is attacking the student’s perceptions, beliefs, and their understanding of the world while reshaping them into who you want them to be.

Real cruelty is clever and inventive. It is also patient. Like a good interrogator, this teacher will leave their students so they’re never sure of exactly what the teacher wants or how to please them. They give them hope, then snatch it away. Someone who excels at social manipulation will use this position of power to maneuver their students feelings and their expectations, indirectly point them at certain targets by stoking negative feeling such as jealousy, paranoia, anger, or fear. In the other hand, those rare moments of kindness offered will ensure gratitude. When a good teacher wants their uncooperative students to band together, they make themselves the target the students need to fight against. The abusive teacher does the opposite. They ensure they are the only boat in the storm and turn their charges on each other. They make sure their students never know what to expect. This includes going hot and cold. They change up to batter expectations, handle some problems themselves and let the students handle others.

An experienced teacher will have seen plenty of student characters, all the versions you can imagine. A good one will break the problem kids to bridle without them ever realizing it happened, and they exit the experience more hardcore than the ones who invested themselves honestly. The purpose of “brutal training” isn’t to churn out a better warrior. It’s to break the individual down so you can reshape their mind and ensure the weapon you’ve created is loyal to you. That level of conditioning is very difficult to break. You’ve re-oriented their entire training into status positions they’ve fought for and earned. This training becomes a foundation for their identity, and you’re not going to get it out of them.

So, before invoking the trope, choose wisely and understand the purpose for what it is. Actively abusive training is done with the express intent to recondition and brainwash. More than that, in competent hands, it’ll snap the “rebellious teenage hero” contingent like twigs.

As a member of a fanatical cult, Altair is a direct example of this sort of training writ large.

-Michi

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naive - peter parker x reader (part 2)

w/c: 1.1k

warnings: none really?

here is the highly requested second part!! i wrote this in a caffeinated daze at like 3am so i hope it isn’t too terrible hahaha. also it looks like this is definitely gonna be at least 3 parts (maybe more if you guys want that?) so yeah!

fyi some parts of this are slightly inspired by @parkersenses​‘s great fic which u can read here!

PART 1  PART 3

Originally posted by parkery

An old 90’s rap song blasted over the speakers as Peter felt his stomach drop. His eye contact with you was fleeting, and suddenly you were gone, having disappeared with Flash and his entourage upstairs. The people around him were all dancing to the rhythm of the music, but the second Peter saw you, everything froze. He made jokes about you not being good enough for Flash all the time, but he never thought he would ever actually see the two of you together. It sparked a profound rush of adrenaline in him, and he took a big breath of air and pushed through the crowd to follow you.

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