its kind of a funny story

8

Okay, I know you’re thinking, “What is this? Kid spends a few days in the hospital and all his problems are cured?” But I’m not. I know I’m not. I can tell this is just the beginning. I still need to face my homework, my school, my friends. My dad. But the difference between today and last Saturday is that for the first time in a while, I can look forward to the things I want to do in my life.

It’s so hard to talk when you want to kill yourself. That’s above and beyond everything else, and it’s not a mental complaint– it’s a physical thing, like its physically hard to open your mouth and make the words come out. They don’t come out smooth and in conjunction with your brain the way normal people’s do; they come out in chunks as if from a crushed-ice dispenser; you stumble on them as the gather beyond your lower lip. So you just keep quiet.
—  It’s Kind Of A Funny Story - Ned Vizzini

I didn’t want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that’s really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you’re so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.” page 12

“I didn’t want to do anything about it. I didn’t want to eat. The idea of eating made me hurt more.” page 13

“I just want to not be me.” page 19

“So you’re just going to give up? That’s the plan.” page 29

“My parents are always looking into new ways to fix me.” page 38

“They’ve spent a lot of money on me. I’m ashamed.” page 38

“You shouldn’t be able to be alive and you are. You want to trade?” page 43

“The stuff adults tell you not to do is the easiest.” page 88

“Depression starts slow.” page 90

“That’s not to say I did terrible in high school, I got 93’s. That looked good to my parents. Problem is, in the real world, 93 is the crap grade; colleges know what it means, you do just well enough to stay in the 90’s. You’re average. There are a lot of you. You aren’t going over the top; if you’re not doing extracurricular you’re done. You can change things in later years, but with 93’s your freshman year, you’re going to have a lot of dead weight.” page 96-97

“I don’t know how I can be so ambitious and so lazy at the same time.” page 99

“I don’t know if they really need it,” I said. “I really need it.” page 119

“SUICIDAL IDEATION. That would be a good band name, I think.”
page 158 

“How do you know when you’ve hit bottom?” page 173

“I’m a spoiled rich kid. Which is another something to feel bad about.” page 203

“Like in Animal Farm, which I read, all animals are created equal, but some are more equal than others?” page 207

“Life is not cured, Mr. Gilner.” Dr. Mahmoud leans in. “Life is managed.” page 239

“I’m asking for simplicity, for purity and ease of choice and no pressure. I’m asking for something that no politics is going to provide, something that you probably only get in preschool. I’m asking for preschool.” page 266

“See when you mess something up,” I muse, “you learn for the next time. It’s when people compliment you that you’re in trouble. That means that they expect you to keep it up.” page 268

“You wanted preschool, soldier, you got preschool.” page 287

“A working brain is probably a lot like a map, where anybody can get from one place to another on the freeways. It’s the nonworking brains that get blocked, that have dead ends, that are under construction like mine.” page 292

“You add up your little victories in here and think they count for something.” page 302

“I don’t have any disease. I keep pacing. Depression isn’t a disease. It’s a pretext for being a prima donna. Everybody knows that.”
page 302

“I didn’t want to play the smart game,” I tell her. “And you didn’t want to play the pretty game.” “The pretty game’s worse,” she whispers. “Nobody wants to use you for being smart.” page 365

LUNATIC

“People are screwed up in the world. I’d rather be with someone screwed up and open about it than somebody perfect and… you know… ready to explode.” page 397

“It’s tough to get out of bed; I know that myself. You can lie there for an hour and a half without thinking anything, just worrying about what the day holds and knowing that you won’t be able to deal with it.”
page 423

“The only thing is, it’s not an option now. It’s just… a possibility,” page441

“So now live for real, Craig. Live. Live. Live. Live. Live.” page 444

— 

It’s Kind of a Funny Story By: Ned Vizzini

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