its inside your head

  • "I solemnly swear I am up to no good": - Aries, Gemini, Sagittarius
  • ""Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.": - Scorpio
  • “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.” : Pisces
  • "However, this mirror will give us neither knowledge or truth. Men have wasted away before it, entranced by what they have seen, or been driven mad, not knowing if what it shows is real or even possible.": - Neptune, Pisces
  • "Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.”: Sagittarius
  • "Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human … the fact that you can feel pain like this is your greatest strength.": - Capricorn
  • "Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.": - Taurus
  • "I don’t go looking for trouble. Trouble usually finds me.": - Aquarius
  • "You are protected in short by your ability to love": Leo
  • "The mind is not a book to be opened at will and examined at leisure": Virgo
  • J.K Rowling

Oh, ew.  It just occurred to me how deep this well of projection and control runs for these people.

Think about the way they bastardize characters to more closely resemble either themselves, or their ideals (male characters are often made hyper-feminine, and physically fit characters given huskier body types).  Mind you, this wouldn’t be a concern if it wasn’t so prevalent, consistently similar across multiple artists, and so eerily deliberate (as well as constantly in complete disregard for maintaining anything signalling the character’s identity).

What these people seem to truly want is someone that they can completely bend to their will.  That’s why cartoon characters are so appealing to them, and why they’re quick to disregard canon if it doesn’t coincide with their little fantasy world.  Shipping disturbs them because they feel that either they’re being shipped (due to projecting themselves onto characters), or that they’re being rejected by those characters.

This is becoming psychologically fascinating and disturbing all at the same time.  I wish I’d been able to continue pursuing forensic psychology…

fireflies | M

Contains: fluff, smut {punk!taehyung}

Words: 17,158

Summary: “There’s no hope for people like us, sweetheart. We’re destined to fall in love a thousand times, and have our hearts broken in each one of them. We might as well be miserable together.”

[img cr]

A/N: Long fics might be turning into my new aesthetic. I’m sorry.

You never truly believed in love at first sight ― there was no reason to. The very idea seemed far too preposterous to be taken seriously, too ludicrous to exist outside of dreamy movies or forgotten fairy tales. How could two strangers cultivate such deep, mesmerizing emotion in the mere seconds they held a glance? How was it possible for them to simply know of their fate in the short amount of time they encountered each other? ― No; there were no soulmates, no predestined encounters. At least not for you. For you, there was only the faint ghost of a broken heart, the haunting of crumbled expectations; and the strong, determined promise to never fool yourself into another failed attempt at romance.

When you first saw him, however, you felt like the cosmos had morphed into static.

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anonymous asked:

Do you ever rewatch Welcome to Hell? Just for your own enjoyment?

Aaaaabsolutely not.

In fact, if I’m around other people and someone pulls it up on youtube to show it off, I will actually leave the room.  If I can’t leave the room, I will bury my face in my phone, or my food, or whatever else is nearby for me to fiddle with.  If I happen to be in the middle of a conversation with someone else in the room, I’ll TRY to ignore it and continue having the conversation, but my brain will go blank and my face will go red and I’ll find myself trailing off, stopping every couple of words, because I can hear Welcome to Hell in all of it’s poorly-mixed glory echoing softly across the room; it’s dialogue like the ghost of an old lover whispering in my ears.  How is the audience responding?  Are they laughing with it, or at it?  Are they silent because they’re bored, or invested?  Do they know why it looks the way it does; what I went through to make it?   Do they get it?  Do they think I’m crazy? 

IT’S TOO MUCH, DUDE.  It’s too much.  

Take Me || Stiles S.

Word Count: 4,133ish

Warning: Rough smut,😉

Prompt: Hi! I was wondering if you could do a Stiles smut where the reader and Stiles are like, lab partners or something, and Stiles has been mumbling really dirty stuff to you for weeks, and you finally tell him to do something, and then it’s really hard and rough. Thanks so much!! 

You’re my first request and my love for you extends wayyyy past the galaxy. You are the best beautiful! I hope this is what you wanted and I didn’t know if you wanted to be tagged. If not, let me know:) @pick-the-petalst

A/N: Also, just wanted to thank everyone for 130 followers! It might not be much to anyone else, but I didn’t think I’d even have 1 so I am more than grateful! You all are magnificent beauties and I hope you all have an extraordinary day. Much love 💕

(Gifs are not mine)


“Those jeans are looking extra tight today.” His lips grazed the outer shell of your ear as his hand slid onto your thigh. “Definitely makes me wonder what they would look like on the floor of my bedroom.”

Your breath caught in your throat. Yes, this had been going on for weeks now but it always affected you. Stiles had become your lab partner at the beginning of the semester and at first, you thought that it might actually go well. He seemed like a smart kid and even though Harris liked to torment him about failing his class, Stiles didn’t seem to be having any trouble.

All that went downhill about two days into your partnership. 

You had just arrived into class wearing a new skirt that you had recently bought over the weekend. It was black and faux leather. You knew that it was a little short, but it wasn’t too bad that you thought people would notice.

Stiles did.

The second you sat down in your seat he was leaning over to you. “Damn, I didn’t know you could get any hotter babe.”

“Excuse me?” You questioned raising your eyebrow at him.

“Oh, Princess, we can excuse ourselves right now and I can show you just how a man treats a lady.” He whispered against the side of your cheek.

You had always thought that Stiles was hot. Hell, he was super sexy, especially when he would wear his baseball cap flipped backward and his unlimited amount of flannels. But, right now, you didn’t know whether to be turned on, flattered, or appalled.

You turned your face to glare at him, but he was already giving you the once-over with his eyes.

You didn’t want it to be, but unfortunately, your teenage hormones got the best of you and heat rose to your cheeks.

“We have never spoken one word to each other and that’s what you start with?” You questioned hoping that he wouldn’t notice the redness that was dawning on your face.

But he did. Of course, he did.

Slowly, a grin curled onto the side of his thin pink lips. His eyes raked the length of your body at an agonizingly sluggish pace causing you to squirm in your seat. He took notice in that too because as he met your eyes a smirk was slipped on his mouth.

“All those dirty little thoughts that are going through that pretty little head of yours could be a reality. Just say the word and I’ll take you on this desk right now.” His eyes shined with pure honesty in his words and suddenly the room was the temperature of the sun. Heat crawled down your neck, past your heavy breasts, through the tingling sensation in your belly, and made its home in your core. The wetness already seemed to be dampening your panties.

As if he would smell your arousal, he leaned in closer. “Say the word Babygirl.”

You couldn’t speak. You couldn’t even move afraid that a moan would slip from your lips. How did this man have so much power of you with just words?

“Stilinski! Attention to the front! Please don’t bother miss L/N.” Harris yelled breaking Stiles’s intense stare he had on you. 

As his eyes left you, you took in a deep breath.

“Yes sir, wouldn’t dream of bothering her.” 

But that is exactly what he had in mind. He wanted her all bothered. Hot and bothered and wriggling underneath him while moaning his name.

You tried not to look at him, but curiosity got the best of you and you peeked at him. He was already staring at you, but this gave him the chance to rile you up some more.

He sent you a wink right as the bell rang.

Now, weeks later it has been a constant one-sided flirtation with a huge dose of lust sprinkled in every sentence that flowed from his amazingly beautiful mouth.

Not that you thought his mouth was beautiful, or that it could do beautifully dirty things as it scrapped the inside of your thighs. No, you had never thought of that.

Let’s all be honest with each other, it wasn’t a normal Monday if that thought didn’t go through your head at least twice.

Today, was no different. 

“Those jeans are looking extra tight today.” His lips grazed the outer shell of your ear as his hand slid onto your thigh. “Definitely makes me wonder what they would look like on the floor of my bedroom.”

“It definitely makes me wonder when you’re going to shut your mouth.” You muttered knowing that he could hear you as you continued to finish your chemistry worksheet.

“Sweetheart, is that the only thing you want my mouth to do?” It was as if he had read your mind and your pencil halted in writing the sentence it was currently on.

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Meaningful Lyrics from Self-Titled
  • Implicit Demand for Proof: Rain down and destroy me
  • Fall Away: I don't know if I am dying or living
  • The Pantaloon: Your bones are held together by your nightmares and your frights
  • Addict With a Pen: My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case
  • Friend, Please: I know you want to leave but friend, please don't take your life away from me
  • March to the Sea: No one looks up anymore 'cause you might get a raindrop in your eye
  • Johnny Boy: No one really knows his mind and no one knows behind his eyes
  • Oh Ms. Believer: Your shaking shoulders prove that it's colder inside your head than the winter of dead
  • Air Catcher: I'm not sure I want to give you tools that can destroy my heart
  • Trapdoor: He used to see dreams at night but now he's just watching the backs of his eyes
  • A Car, a Torch, a Death: And then I said I'll take the grave, please just send them all my way
  • Taxi Cab: We're driving toward the morning sun where all your blood is washed away and all you did will be undone
  • Before You Start Your Day: Look in the mirror and ask your soul if you're alright, put out the glitter that your soul hides behind
  • Isle of Flightless Birds: And it's time you pick your battle, and I promise you this is mine

anonymous asked:

29 💦

29. “Come over here and make me.”

“You sound mad,” Shawn says with a little chuckle, his nighttime voice just the slightest bit deeper and raspier over the line.

“Would you please stop saying that?” You sigh, wriggling around in a bed that you can never get comfortable in and kicking the thick comforter off of your stifled legs with a pout. “I’m not mad. I’m just…” You pause for a moment, the truth on the tip of your tongue.

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having to read a post with my own two eyes where an anon asks “is madd legit” made me lose 40 years on my life

Personal Injuries

Tokugawa Ieyasu/MC

WOHOOOOOO the overdue Chapter 4 is heereeeeeeeee! Warning for meanie, bully Ieyasu and his mind games. I’m sorry not sorry, he will grow, I promise!

“Say, kitchen wench, why do you think you are here now in my chamber?”

“… You, you requested me, Milord…?”

“Obviously. But why do you think?”

Only you and the God of Tanuki knows. “I… don’t know.”

“Now that’s a lie. You don’t act like you don’t know.”

Damn that smirk of his.


“To… to serve you…,” in bed, her mind finished her sentence.

“Hmm, that’s not wrong,” he said, seemingly thinking of something.

The chirps of the crickets outside sounded loud in the silence that followed. Oh, how she wished she were one of them.



He indicated the direction of the bedding with a shrug. “Bed. Now.”

It was told in fairy tales, many times, that when a woman in dire situations prays hard enough, a kindly god would save her from her peril by turning her into something – a tree, a seafoam, a fish. She called for help from whatever gods were listening.

But apparently, there were none that night.

“Don’t,” she could hear the ire rising in his voice, “make me repeat myself.”

She chewed her bottom lip. What could she do, what should she do? Bits of conversations she had heard from castle maids came back to her – how it was better to go along, to let it pass quickly, to let men do what they want to do, that it wasn’t that bad, that you would get over it, that they would protect us – we should show gratitude, that resisting them would have consequences…

“I-,” the word escaped her mouth.

Ieyasu lifted his eyes from the floor, daring her to speak.

“I-I-I am… I am inexperienced, M-Milord,” she stammered, hoping that the fact would dissuade him.

But it was met with a chuckle. “You don’t say…”




“Do you prefer to be dragged by your hair?”

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whenever I’m going to send a meme edit to my friends on facebook I send it to myself first to make sure it’s the right file but I have an acquaintance who shares my name so I just sent her this image with absolutely no context

For One Day

“For One Day”

I wish for one day,
I could be someone else.
To say what they say.
To feel what they felt.

I want a new mind,
A new body; a new heart.
I want to be able to find,
What I looked for from the start.

I wish for one time,
I was you instead of me.
To see through your eyes.
To see what you see.

I want new dreams.
New desires; new goals.
New fabric at the seams,
And a way to plug this hole.

I want a new direction.
A new purpose, a new meaning.
If I want perfection,
I’ll audition for screenings.

I want new gloves.
New family, new friends,
Except the ones I love,
Are invited to attend.

I wish for a moment,
I could see inside your head,
And all of its components,
To say the things you said.

Because I feel worn down.
So jaded and so cold.
Its time to pass the crown,
Because I am getting old.

I feel on most days,
Forgotten and removed.
I’m someone you throw away,
Like a pair of worn out shoes.

You don’t understand,
What its like to be me.
So lets not pretend,
I have a healthy body.

You don’t want to know,
The thoughts in my head.
They once brightly glowed,
But now they spell out dread.

So let us start over,
Please God if you may.
Wishing upon clovers,
For brighter, better days.

anonymous asked:

Can you write a scenario where Shiro finds out his s/o is rly depressed by walking in on them crying and he tries his best to comfort them with cuddles and compliments,,,, if requests are open that is

It’s Mod Enki! Thanks for sending in your ask!


It was hard. Granted things were always hard, but now it was harder than ever. You were slumped in your bed feeling like something was trying to bore a hole in the middle of your chest. Pangs of dread tugged you down more and more, beckoning you to lose yourself in the waves of darkness. Normally you could handle this, there was always a feeling of weight on your chest and you’ve learned how to deal with it. You learned how to look happy and content with everything but your regular facade was failing you today. It felt like you were finally going to collapse in on yourself because surely there was nothing left inside you. Your breathing was hollow, cold, and ragged. No matter what you tried to do you felt like you were constantly trying to breathe in something that wasn’t there. Air failed you and left you gasping in sharp loud breaths. It was almost like someone had planted a black hole inside of you and it was finally going to make you collapse and be sucked into a void. 

Hearing footsteps was enough to make you instantly silence yourself though, you’re not sure why. Part of you wanted to reach out and get help from someone else, find validation in your emotions. But the other part didn’t want to put a burden on anyone else. You would feel twice as bad with someone else being concerned for your mental and emotional health. Especially if you told your boyfriend. 

Although you’ve both opened up to each other about everything since you started dating, you’ve never wanted him to worry about you. He was a leader, and had others to worry about. You didn’t want to be another addition to that burden. You’ve seen him break and cry in front of you, stressed from the path that was shoved upon him. You were always there to comfort him about whatever was depleting his well being and are his emotional rock. Nothing ever seemed to phase you. The others were very quick to point this out and you never had the heart to tell them the truth. 

The hot tears falling from your eyes seemed infinite and your head was under the pressure of letting your emotions trickle out. You felt weak, both physically and mentally but this was bound to happen eventually. You weren’t sure how long you’ve been gone from the rest and frankly you didn’t really care anymore. The only thing on your mind was getting through this, and it wasn’t going to be over until your emotions were finished and you could fall into the usual numb aftermath. With your head in your hands you let it loose and let the wake of the storm do its worst. Vile thoughts swirled inside your head and you wished you could scratch your head until they went away.

It hadn’t been long after the first few sobs ripped through your chest that the door slid open and your head shot up, face smeared with tears and a little bit of snot. 

“Shiro?” You almost croaked like a sad little frog. Said boy was frozen in the door frame with eyes full of nothing but concern. 

He stepped into the room and the door slid closed behind him. You watched him as you tried to stifle your sniffles and irregular breathing until he sat down right next to you. His hand came to cup your one of your cheeks while he wiped away a stray tear with his thumb. You held your breath but you could stop the overwhelming feeling in your chest as you stared in his eyes, waiting for him to say something. 

“(Y/n), what’s wrong?” He asked softly. “Is this where you’ve been?” 

You barely got a broken apology out of your mouth before you were crying even harder than before. It was like someone just put the tears on full blast and just like that you were a sobbing mess in your boyfriends’ arms. You weren’t sure it could even count as sobbing, it was more like wailing at this point. Shiro just embraced you in a warm hug and you buried your face in his shirt. You’d have to apologize to him later for the snot and drool probably. He tried to rock you back and forth, murmuring compliments and phrases of affirmation. There was also a lot of different pats, rubbing circles and other such comforting gestures while you cried your little heart out. It was a long time until you were okay enough to actually put together coherent sentences. 

When you did pull away and wiped your face of snot and tears and whatever else was on your face you were sure you looked like a mess. You knew Shiro didn’t really care about that right now but how you look is the only thing you could control about yourself right now. 

“Better?” Shiro asked offering you a warm smile. You nodded and through your sniffles you tried to take a deep breath.

“Sorry…” You said in another sad croaky voice. Shiro just gave you a little squeeze. 

“You’ve got nothing to be sorry about.” He said. “Do you want to talk about it?”

You mulled it over for a little bit. Of course your wanted to tell him but you didn’t want him to worry. Although, you weren’t sure you could deal with this happening like this again and if you didn’t tell him all you’d get would be the, “bottling it up isn’t good,” talk. 

“Well…” You trailed off. “It’s just been a harder day than usual and I couldn’t really make it.” 

“Than usual? Is there something you need to be adjusted? We don’t have to have you get up so early if it’s hurting you, and we can lessen your training hours.” He said, eager to find a solution. You just shook your head, finding the notion sweet but you knew a little bit more than him. 

“No it’s not that, it’s just that… Just that…” You trailed off again and he looked at you with the same worried expression as before. “Shiro I have depression.”

“What? Why didn’t you tell me?” Shiro asked with a slightly hurt tone. You winced at it and felt yourself get a little choked up again. 

“I didn’t want you to worry.” You sniffled. “You’re just so busy and never have time for yourself and I didn’t want you to have to deal with my issues and not have time for yourself.” 

You blubbered on and on with your reasons until he had to stop you with a another big hug. This time he flopped over on the bed still holding you in his arms. As you lay there you found yourself crying again and apologizing over and over again. Shiro just shushed you and held you tightly. You had calmed down not long after and felt exhausted. Shiro had his hands in your hair, playing with the strands, braiding your hair and then untangled it before braiding again. You just snuggled into him more, or as much as you could at this point and let out a big sigh. 

As soon as you felt you could fall asleep and forget about this whole thing Shiro pulled away to look at you. His forehead rested against yours and you still had small sniffles escaping every now and then. Your face was warm and you weren’t sure how to react. 

“No matter what, I’ll always have time for you. So don’t do this again okay?” He said quietly. His voice was soft yet still firm and you managed to get out a little response since you couldn’t really nod. He still had a concerned look on his face yet he had a small smile nonetheless. Kissing your forehead he pulled you back into another hug. The pain in your chest was gone for now but you were sure it would return just like it always has. The only difference now was you weren’t alone anymore. And you never will be again.


It was a very unique prep process. David Ayer does more… he calls it rehearsal but it’s much more like group therapy where you sit around and everybody talks about their deepest emotional issues and your trials and tribulations.

You drew a cloud around yourself when you were born.
Carrying rain wherever you went,
hands like thunderbolts, eyes
like the dark of the moon:
a mystery, something only to be guessed at,

You became a myth in the hands of a flawed God
who lived inside your head; a Zeus of broken clockwork,
grinding its gears, and tirelessly feeding you lies.
Outside the tyranny of your head,
people wondered what it must be like
to know someone so quiet,
silence must roll off her tongue like a lovesong.

You thought you had a face only a mother could love,
a collage of imperfections stitched together,
like a quilt of disbelief.
And I pulled at the loose thread
till the curtain came apart.

Almond eyes, deep brown like caramel
left a luscious moment too long on the stove.
A nose so shapely, even Nefertiti would blush.
Behind your smoke and your mirrors,
was the oldest twenty year old girl I’d ever known,
who shied away from the Sun.

And now the moon spins slower,
just to bounce its light off you a little longer.

—  haider m, The Girl
Struck (Part Eleven)

EXO Fanfiction: Fantasy AU
Main pairing - Female Reader x Kim Jongdae/Chen
A mysterious group move into your apartment building and you find yourself drawn to them, one in particular… but is it safe? Who are they really?

< Previous | Next >


You gasped as a body collided with you, arms wrapping around your neck and squeezing as they rocked you excitedly from side to side.

‘Wh-Wha-‘ you spluttered, your face chest squashed into an unknown chest, obscuring your view and muffling your voice.

‘WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU! I’m so so sorry you got dragged off, and we had to leave. But oh my gosh, you have been amazing, you found Jongdae! Wow! Oh he is looking for you, won’t shut up about you, yo-‘

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Endless Night

Anonymous asked:

Hey. Could I request some Bucky smut? Where, like, the reader catches 40’s!Bucky masturbating? And things escalate from there?

I hope you like it! :)

Word count:2921

Warnings: Smut, angst(I couldn’t help myself), Swearing

The Gif is not mine

Originally posted by skinon-skin

     “You’re fucking kidding me right?” A red haze had settled over your vision as you stared at blushing Steve, he’d never gotten used to your vulgar language. He seemed overly interested in stirring your homemade tomato sauce you had spent all day making for Bucky’s favorite meal, your famous four cheese lasagna.       

      “What do you mean he’s not coming?” You asked snatching the spoon from his hand sending a small amount of sauce flying. Steve flinched as it splattered against your cheek.      

      “You know you look a little like a mass murder right now.” Steve chuckled and you could feel your anger dampen down and you laughed a little too. You didn’t understand how he did it, any time you were mad Steve would say something and you’d laughing like nothing had ever happened.     

      “You haven’t seen a murder yet Steven Grant Rogers. But believe me I’ll show Bucky a murder, I’ll kill him with spoon I don’t give a damn.” You wiped the sauce off your cheek and snatched off your apron, setting it and your spoon by the sink you headed to the living room to look for your coat and purse Steve was hot on your heels as you reached for the door.     

     “Y/N don’t go…” Steve’s bony hand locked itself around your wrist and as you turned around you could see something in his eyes. He was hiding something.      

     “Why did he say he wasn’t coming?” Your voice was more delicate this time around. Steve knew how you felt about Bucky, hell half of Brooklyn knew how you felt about James Buchanan Barnes, while the idiot himself was oblivious as ever. You heard Steve sigh as he let go of your wrist and stared down at his feet.     

     “He said he wanted to be alone tonight, had some things he needed to do, but…” His voice trailed off into nothing but a whisper and you could feel your anger flare up again. Slamming your purse down on the little table next to your front door you managed to scare Steve into telling you.       

     “But I think the reason he’s not here is because he’s got a girl with him.” Your chest tightened as the words sunk into your heart. Damn that man. You looked over at Steve you could feel tears stinging your eyes as regret etched itself into Steve’s face. He was probably kicking himself for telling you. You cleared your throat, trying to dislodge the knot that had formed. You grabbed your purse, opening the door you stepped into the hall.      

     “Well the man owes me an apology and by god I will get it. He will not leave for that godforsaken war with me angry at him.” Without giving Steve a chance to talk you out of it you started running down the stairs.     

 Steve’s P.O.V 

     Yet as Steve watched you run out into the night a wicked smile graced his face. Steve knew that Bucky wasn’t with a woman, but he did know that Bucky was leaving in the morning and without some help the man would never admit his feelings for Y/N. Gently closing the door he walked back into your kitchen and turned on the little radio you had sitting in the corner. A slow song came in through the static while Steve went back to cooking dinner.

Reader’s P.O.V     

     You walked with purpose yet your body shook as you made you way the two blocks to Bucky and Steve’s apartment building. Pulling your coat tighter you tried to convince yourself that Steve was wrong, but you internally scoffed at yourself, Bucky was a ladies man. Even before he had joined the Army women were basically breaking down his door to get a date with the man.    

     Lost in your thoughts, your heart skipped a beat when you realized you had arrived. It was quiet, too quiet and the lights were all out. Maybe Steve had been wrong, maybe Bucky had decided to come to dinner after all? Your breath hitched when you heard movement inside and your jealousy reared its ugly head. Gritting your teeth you dug in your purse for your keys, the three of you all had keys to each others apartments.     

     “I swear to god James Buchanan Barnes if I have to see some naked hussies ass, I’m gonna beat you within an inch of your life.” You mumbled under your breath as you forced the lock open. You stepped into the darkened apartment and were greeted by only silence. You closed your eyes and tried to listen for any sign that he was here. Maybe I’m going crazy? Just as you were about to leave your stomach dropped to your feet as a moan echoed in the dark apartment.     

     Your footsteps sounded like cannon fire as you followed the sound to Bucky’s bedroom. God yes, oh god. You could feel your cheeks flush red at the sound of Bucky’s deep voice filled with lust. But at the same time you could feel hot tears soaking your cheeks and you couldn’t help but think that should be you in there. “Oh god Y/N, fuck right there.” At the sound of your name your heart skipped a beat.Could it be a coincidence? Was he with a girl with the same name as you? Or was he getting off thinking about you? Your curiosity was killing you powerless to stop yourself you gently opened the door.    

      You let out a sigh of relief once you realized there wasn’t a woman in the room. But the feeling was quickly replaced once your eyes found Bucky’s naked body glistening with sweat as he sought his pleasure while thinking about you. In his lust filled state he hadn’t heard you open the door and you stayed quiet so you could watch him. Watch the way his muscles contracted as he pumped his cock with his hand. The way he bit his lip and had his other hand tangled in his hair. He didn’t last much longer and when he came he roared your name in such a feral way you couldn’t help but shudder as heat pooled between your thighs.      

     You could hear Bucky curse under his breath as he grabbed a towel off his nightstand and cleaned himself up. Standing he stretched and turned around about to head for the bathroom, more than likely to take a shower, but his body stiffened. He turned around facing his darkened doorway where you stood motionless. His mouth opened slightly forming an o-shape while his eyes widened with mortification, with tinges of lust.     

     “How long have you been there doll?” His voice was hoarse from screaming out your name. You didn’t say a word as you took the five short steps to be in front of him. His body was still rigid and his hair was a mess but it made him look that much sexier. Trembling you let your hand gently touch one of Bucky’s arms and you could almost feel the tension melt from his body. While one of his large hands caressed your face. Your fingers seemed to have a mind of there own as they traveled from his arm to his chest your touch so light it left goosebumps in its wake until your fingers tangled themselves in the short hair at the nape of Bucky’s neck. You took another small step forward until your lips were centimeters from Bucky’s.   

      “Long enough.” The words barely left your mouth before Bucky’s lips collided against yours. You gasped as his tongue glided against your bottom lip begging for entrance. You slightly opened your lips and your senses were bombarded with Bucky. His tongue seemed to dance with yours before you began to move in sync. His hands moved from your face down until he reached the tie of your coat and slowly pulled it open and you let it fall to the floor.     

     Bucky’s hands gripped your waist as he picked you up off the floor. You instinctively wrapped your legs around his waist while kicking off your heels. Bucky broke the kiss as he laid you down on his bed and latched his lips onto your neck. You moaned his name when you felt his teeth sink into the sensitive skin at the base of your neck. The thin cotton of your dress seemed to scratch against your skin, you wanted to fill Bucky. Letting go of Bucky’s hair, with nimble fingers you unzipped your dress. Getting the message Bucky released your skin with a loud pop before standing you up and slipping the thin dress from your body leaving you in just your bra and panties.      

      Bucky’s eyes seemed to drink in every bit of you. His hands grazed your bra clad breast before trailing down your before settling on your bottom. With a devilish gleam in his eye he gave your bottom a hard squeeze and you couldn’t help but groan with pleasure.      

     “Do you have any idea how long I’ve wanted to do that babydoll?” His voice only seemed to turn you on more. You felt his hands trail back up to your waist before he turned you around, your back now flush against his chest. He moved you hair so that your neck was exposed to him again and he peppered kisses from your shoulder to your ear.      “Do you have any idea how many times I’ve dreamed of having you in my arms?” You shook your head, slightly dazed as lust fogged your brain. You weren’t even sure you could form a coherent sentence right now. You could feel his erection against your back and you were wet to a point of discomfort. You let out a small whimper and tried rubbing your thighs together for relief. You could feel a chuckle resonate through Bucky’s chest as he slipped his fingers into your panties and pulled them down. But his hands quickly made their way up your back to rid you of your bra. He struggled with the clasp for a few minutes before getting frustrated and ripping it off.      “I’ll buy you a new one.” He whispered in your ear as he warm hands squeezed your breasts. Your ruined bra was the last thing on your mind at the moment. Laying you back down on the best he trailed kisses from your neck, down between the valley of your breasts before teasing your nipple. With every lick, suck, and nip the heat between your thighs intensified.      

    “God Buc-.” Before you could finish Bucky’s mouth released your nipple leaving you wanting more.     

     “Call me James.” You were a little surprised at his request, he had always been Bucky and by having you use his real name seemed to make what you were doing even more intimate. You nodded as he went back to trailing kisses down your stomach and gasped when you felt his against your wet folds. You balled your fists in the sheets as you tried to keep from screaming his name while his tongue assaulted your hot core.      

     “Oh god James plee-ase I ne-ed-.” You choked out the words as you felt Bucky’s fingers enter you. You moaned as he curled his fingers and grazed your sweet spot. You could feel him smirking against your pussy.   

      “Go on Y/N tell me what you need.” You opened your eyes to see Bucky’s blue eyes aflame with desire and pure need. Sitting up you pulled him against you and crushed your lips against his, you could taste yourself on him and it was incredibly hot.     

      “I need you to fuck me. Hard. Now.” You were both panting but Bucky gripped the back of knees and pulled you to the edge of the bed and without warning he slammed into you. Throwing your head you screamed in pleasure with every thrust. But that’s what Bucky wanted, you weren’t like any other girl he had been with. You were loud and bold, you lived your life the way you wanted too and didn’t give a shit about what people thought. It was why he loved you.      

     You could feel your walls tightening you were so close. Bucky was now looming over you as the sound of skin slapping against echoed in the room. Then like a glass that had been hit to many times you shattered.       

     “James!” You screamed his name as you raked your nails down his back. Yet he didn’t stop, he kept thrusting prolonging your orgasm until you felt like jelly and when he was satisfied with your reaction he let go and joined in on the bliss. You were pretty sure everyone in the neighborhood would now know your name. He laid on top of you for a moment longer, his eyes now held a softness that you hadn’t seen in a long time. His kissed your forehead, you eyes, your cheeks and when he finally got around to your lips he kissed you tenderly and you knew what kind of kiss this was. It was a goodbye kiss, he had been trying to memorize your face and in your happy little bubble you felt your heart crack.     

     You tried to form words but Bucky only shushed you, pulling you tight against his chest. It was as if he thought sleeping would drive away the inevitable morning and you both could live in this endless night. You kissed his hand as you snuggled into his hard body, you could feel tears leak from your eyes but Bucky’s gentle snores slowly lulled you to sleep.          

      You had never hated the sun as much as you did that morning. Its gentle rays were made your heart break as they illuminated the empty spot beside you. Pulling the sheets tighter against your body you let Bucky’s scent envelop you. When you opened your eyes a piece of paper caught your eye. Draping the sheets around your naked form you went over the Bucky’s small desk and sat down with the note.          

      Dear Y,N,

      When you read this I’ll be sitting on a boat wishing I was still lying in bed with you. I have never once regretted joining the army until I left you in my bed sleeping like a rock. You looked like an angel in the early morning light.     

     I realized as I was leaving this morning that I had never said I loved you. Last night I showed you how much I loved you, but I never said it. I’m kicking myself now but deep down I think I did it for a reason. I don’t know when this goddamn war will be over but I have a feeling it won’t be soon and it’s gonna be hard to be so far from you. But you’ll be my salvation I’ll force myself to live through this hell so I can come back home and tell you I love you, because you deserve that and so much more.      

     I hope that you feel the same way otherwise this letter is meaningless. But I have feeling you do and I hope you’ll be waiting for me at the docks when I come back. I know you’re strong but doll I know you’re hurting right now so let Steve take care of you this morning, he’s stronger than you give him credit for. And I’m sorry for not coming to dinner, I bet the lasagna was amazing as usual, but at the same time I’m glad I didn’t come because if I had I wouldn’t have been able to be with you.                                                                    

                                  Forever Yours, James Buchanan Barnes                                                                    P.s Here’s a little something to keep me close.      

     Taped to the back of the letter was a simple golden locket, popping it open tears sprung to your eyes. It was a picture of you and him from a photo booth you had gone to at Coney island. You were smiling into the camera while Bucky was just smiling down at you. The letter fell from your hands as you clutched the locket to your chest and sob clawed its way free from your throat. This wasn’t fair, you had just gotten him and now he was gone. When your sobbing faded into hiccups you looked around the room. You could see Bucky everywhere and that hurt even more.      

     You got dressed, minus a bra, and wrapped yourself in your coat. Looking back one more time at the place the man you loved called home you closed the door and locked it on your way out. The streets seemed quieter than usual and you played with the little locket at your throat. How many women, mothers, daughters and sisters felt like you did right now? How many men had left at dawn uncertain of whether or not they would see their loved ones ever again?        

     When you finally made it back to your apartment you could hear music coming from your kitchen. You slowly shuffled your way there, peering over into the living room you could see Steve soundly sleeping on your couch, the kitchen had been cleaned thoroughly and you saw what you thought was Mrs. Rogers famous chocolate pie sitting on your cake stand. You smiled as you looked over at Steve one more time before heading to your room. He was strong and he was clever shit too, you’d have to thank him when he woke up because without him you never would have gotten your temporary forever.  

I hate that I’m not her. I hate that I can’t make you laugh so hard you cry, and I hate that I can’t make you feel like she can. I hate that I can’t kiss you or hug you like she can. I hate that I’m not her.
—  M.E

anonymous asked:

Do you think it's normal to still use she/her pronouns inside your head sometimes? I think it's just habit bc I've used those pronouns for most of my life, but I'm kinda scared it might be a sign I'm faking...

Everyone misgenders themselves sometimes! It’s ok!