We got word from Mortis on the canon status of “The Toad King”, but did we ever get any information on how relevant “The Up Children Down” is??
“AND SO SWARMING IN THE BELLY OF THE WORLD, SEVEN HUNDRED THOUSAND CHILDREN OF THE SIN GNAWED AT THE JUSTICE PUT IN PLACE BY THE QUEEN DURING HER PEACEFUL REIGN. THEY ARE THE PHYSICAL MANIFESTATION OF EVIL DEED RELEASED UPON THE WORLD. FOREVER LOST IN THEIR SEETHING MADNESS, THEY ARE UNSALVAGEABLE AND IMMORTAL. ONLY THE QUEEN HERSELF, AT THE TIME OF THE FINAL CONFRONTATION, WILL HAVE THE POWER TO ANNIHILATE THE TAINTED POWER OF THE WORM-CHILD. ALL OF THE SOULS ON EXILE FOR THEIR SINS WILL BE TORTURED FOR ETERNITY BY THE LEGION OF THE BLACK LICHES.”
sounds maybe like something interesting enough that you’d think you’d see it brought up and explored outside of brainplaguerewind’s blog title and InterExtraIntraAdd??
I’m so fucking excited to be buying my own house. I can decorate this and invest in it and it’s mine to keep forever. I can just slowly work on it and make every inch of it beautiful and mine. It needs a lot of love right now but it’s big and beautiful and I honestly never imagined I would have something like this and I am so excited.
Taking a break-ish for as long as I feel it’s needed.
I feel like I cannot participate as much as I would like to around here, I am simply scared of joining in. I am always terrified I will say something wrong and offend someone. There’s so many overreactions in this community, well, everywhere online, and real life too if we have to really get into a longer conversation, sigh, but it would make getting to the point be an endless journey. And I’m afraid I would simply stop believing, and forget to hold on to that feeling. Anyway. I’m a person who’s always carefulover careful before I write a comment to anyone’s post, even my own shit I post, on MY blog, I delete 20 times before posting, cause I wouldn’t want to step on anyone’s toes, misspell someones name, or forget the color of a sims hair. I weigh every word a thousand times, rephrase my sentences and calculate what could go wrong, to the point of me re-writing most sentences at least twice before posting. And still it will get me in trouble. I do everything by the book, make sure I leave absolutely no trace of anything that could remotely offend anyone, yet I end up having stepped on someones toes? Which brings me to the point, that it seems to me, that I can no longer be the bad guy then? Or perhaps I offend simply by breathing?
The internet is like this: If you want to get offended, you will. You will be able to find something wrong in every single word another person posts. You will feel attacked. Humiliated and hurt. Based on absolutely nothing.
I have this theory, that I shouldn’t apologize, unless I did something wrong. Now, I know there’s nothing offensive in anything I write, cause I’m scared shitless to write anything that could get misunderstood. I always over analyze everything I say or do, to the point of things just not even mattering any longer, before I get to say or write what I wanted. I am not a person who’s afraid to apologize when I know I did something wrong. I am in fact a person who apologizes way more than I should. But I have gotten to a point where I am beyond done, when it comes to apologizing for things I know I never did. There’s no longer any fun for me, when it comes to leaving comments on anyone’s posts any longer. Since I always write too little, too much, or point fingers at people I never pointed fingers at.
I know I haven’t done anything wrong, yet I am the person, who today has a hard time getting out of bed, constantly replaying in my head, if what I wrote yesterday, how I expressed my opinion in a calm and polite manner, if that was in fact a wrong doing on my behalf? Or if the fact simply is, that a few people seemed to feel they got stepped on, when I didn’t even stretch to move my feet half enough to even be near enough to their feet, to step on them. It’s funny how a term like ‘some people’, or ‘few people’ can turn into EVERYONE? I mean, the spelling isn’t even similar? I’m not a person who says something, and then leaves a lot of hidden codes behind my words for everyone to decipher. I say what I mean. I’m a quite honest person. So when I use terms as ‘some’ or ‘few’, I quite literally mean some or few… it’s not a code for EVERYONE. Furthermore, when I express that what I write is my point of view, it means, that this is how I personally see thing. It does not mean that this is the reality, and I am calling the author or any of the other people commenting out. It simply means, my point of view, the way I see it. From my perspective.
Bottom line is, I am tired. I am tired of re-writing myself, I’m tired of not daring to leave a comment on something when I feel like I have something to say. Whether it’s something of value, or simply to show my engagement. And above that, I’m tired of getting so nervous of doing something wrong, that I don’t even dare to be myself on my own blog. Cause what if I said or did something someone would misunderstand. It would quite sure be the end of the world, right? Not my world, but the one I offended.
It’s easier to just stop commenting, I think. It spares me trying to wrap my head around all the billion people in the world, trying to figure how not to offend a single one of them.
I have social anxiety, no, not the charming kind that are so popular on social media these days. The real, terrifying one, the one that makes me be locked away in my home for months, because humans are too scary to be around. No not cute scary. Hyperventilating till I turn blue in my face, scary. Trying to make any form of comment on anyone’s post is a HUGE thing for me. Getting told I should probably be more careful with my words in the future, when I am already so over careful that I can no longer breath, is like, telling a broken plate to stop being broken. It’s pointless. Or telling a scared kitten to just stop hissing. It’s always the kitten who has to stop, not the person who drove the kitten into a corner.
(And I throw in another edit here: the person who told me to be more
careful didn’t say it in a harmful way, we had a long quite fulfilling
conversation about it, where she agreed I did nothing wrong, but that
does not mean the whole matter disappears from my mind)
However, I will take the advice and be more careful, in the sense that I will be more careful sharing any of my thoughts. In the sense that I will take not one but ten steps back, and once again evaluate, if this community has a place for me or not. I must say, on days like this, I feel as if I have stepped into a kindergarten.
If everybody was half as careful as me before they say or post anything, the internet would be a very quiet place. What a bliss.
Can I have a dood ship please. 5'7 on the chubbier side of the scale. I have green eyes and blonde hair. My friends all say I'm really pretty. I'm hilarious, but kinda shy. I like to read sing and act. But again (I really only sing with friends and family cause I'm really shy) love your blog and thanks in advance 😘
-And when he met you, this hilarious, sassy girl who was dropping sarcastic remarks under your breath left, right and center, he wanted to befriend you.
-The tribal school is kinda small on the reservation, and the student population isn’t that great, so he’s curious as to how he hasn’t met you before.
-Like, its big enough to not know everyone, or remember all faces, but let’s be real, he should have known you.
-Turn’s out, your parents had moved back to their hometown, and up rooting you from your formal life, you were internally flailing everywhere here.
-Jesus Christ, why this place be so wet? Just this morning you slid down the front path of your home because the Ice God decided to take you the fuck out
-Embry see’s this as a way to get to know you when he finds out your new to the area. “Have you been down to La Push yet?” and, “This place runs through your very vein’s Y/N, I will ensure you know all the secrets here.”
You learn the best hiking trails
And he helps you learn to Surf (that just turns into near death experiences for both of you!)
(It’s a mutel unspoken agreement to not teach you after you nearly drown him.)
It becomes a fun story to tell others though.
-Being friends with Embry has made the transition here sooooo much easier. Opening you up to a better friends group and High School experience.
-Quill and Jacob like you, finding your comments and attitude endearing.
-Quill and Jacob become pretty protective of you when they realize how you and Embry act together.
Your pretty sure a guy in your year group tried to ask you out once but Jacob scared him away.
you tried to hint at it with Jacob but he turned those big eyes on you that were practically smirking themselves with a shin in them, and he looks at you and goes ‘nope. Don’t know what your talking about’
He totally knew. But he loves Embry and he wants you two to bang.
(Jacob will never admit that aloud)
-Embry has met your parents and you’ve told them a million and one times that ‘ you guys are just friends’ but your beginning to realize you guys weren’t just friends.
-Jacob has disappeared, and he’s not returning calls and texts anymore. His father says he’s sick.
- Embry and Quill are hurt because this Sam guy has started some stupid gang and roped Jacob into it.
Sickness your ass.
You, Embry and Quill see Jacob with them in town sometimes.
You all try and get Jake to talk and say something to you
now he pointedly freezes you all out
you can’t be sure but one day, you think you see Jacob mouth ‘i’m sorry’ to you. But you can’t be sure your not just being wishful
-You stay over some nights at the Call house, because you guys are close enough for that
-His mum makes sure you are always falling asleep in the spare room and not Embry’s.
- you did wake up one morning with Embry in the spare room with you, but he was gone before his mum woke up
-Something must be going around. Embry keeps suffering heat flashes in school. You convince him to go to the school nurse. His parents pick him up with a knowing look on their face.
-Embry isn’t answering your calls anymore. Not even your texts.
-You asked Quill if he’s heard anything. He hasn’t.
-You can tell Quill is pretty hurt by this betrayal. So are you. And it hurts pretending your not feeling forgotten and neglected.
-Jacob has returned back to school after being away ‘sick’ for a long time.
-Why does Jake look like he has been taking steroids???
-Jacob is still freezing you and Quill out. He won’t sit with you at lunch. He’s somewhere else.
-You make sure Jacob knows your feelings when you have Gym together
you’ve made sure your on the other team. Just so you can target Jacob.
you have now hit him five times in the face with the balls.
You think you see a hint of a smirk on his face from your behaviour.
You throw a ball at his face again.
-You have a feeling Embry will still be away with this ‘sickness’ for a while
-You and Quill are sitting together at your usual table.
“Quill … your not going to get robed into this gang stuff are you?”
“No. I’m not a jerk like them.”
“I wouldn’t abandon you either, just so you know.”
He smiles, “I know. You’re the last true friend I have left here.”
It was the same for you to.
-You don’t know why. But you feel like its going to get worse.
-Quill says he saw Embry in town after school yesterday, and he looks like Jacob by taking steroids.
-Embry is freezing Quill out too.
-Its the weekend and you have lots of homework, so you don’t go out and see Quill.
-On Monday, back at school. Quill hasn’t turned up. But you see Jacob across the cafeteria, and he looks at you with sympathy.
- You try getting in contact with Quill. Same result with Jacob and Embry.
-You don’t like to sit alone. So you focus all your energy on passing you exams
-You spend all your lunch times studying in the Library.
- You bump into Jacob in the halls one day
-he totally did it on purple as an excuse to talk to you
“Sorry, Y/N” he says helping you pick up your things.
“Why? Your not a stranger to hurting people on purpose, why on accident then?”
“I don’t want to do this to you. Just know that.”
Having gathered everything back, “Have fun in your little gang, Jake.”
You’ve hurt him. But you don’t know that.
-Your in second period when you hear the news, Embry is back.
Your excited, to know he’s back.
But your also very bitter and lonely right now. He doesn’t know how much he hurt you the most. His absence cutting into you like an unhealing wound that refuses to close.
Your toss between confronting him or leaving him be.
After all, if he is fine leaving you without even a vague explanation, why run back?
You skip third period you would of had with him and go to the nurses office, just so you can think better without his presence.
When its lunch, you go the library in your usual seat.
you make it the rest of the day without seeing him.
-Its raining outside when the bell goes, and you make sure your the first out the door. You make it home in record him.
-You try holding back tears, refusing to let yourself cry for him.
-You let the tears fall in the shower, because you can let the tears be disguised in the running water.
-You get the first text back from any of them. It’s Embry.
-You can picture him when he sends the message. Bored and wanting to kill time, so he messages you.
-Don’t message back. Don’t give satisfaction.
-You don’t, instead, you go out. You are Y/N. And you will not wallow in your room.
-You put on your boots and go on a walk in the forest, along your favorite trail. Ironically, it was Embry that showed you this one. The path was more narrow, less traveled.
-In the corner of your eye, you see something zip past you.
-It was too fast for your eyes to catch. But you know you saw something.
-YOu paced yourself as you walked down the track, listening around you. It was like your skin was crawling with the eye’s that were on you.
-You made your way back, faster, this time. And again, it was like something was watching you, closely.
-getting in your car and locking it, you peered out the front window and into the treeline.
-There it was. Not a bear. But a wolf, the size of a horse. YOur jaw went slack as you stared back at it.
-You felt a weird sensation coil inside you. Despite the shocking intimidation of the wolf, it looked … tamed. Could you say that. It’s eyes never left yours.
-When you got home. YOu told no one what you saw. Strangely protective of the information.
-At school, the guys you used to call your friends pulled a complete 180 on you. Even Quill had returned.
- You’ve seen Jacob. But you hadn’t seen Embry and Quill yet. … And man did you fear for what they were pumping into their bodies.
-There was a lot of things you wanted to say to them at that moment, tangents and vents loaded and ready to be said, but instead all that blurted out was: “Didn’t your parents ever say to stay away from Drugs?”
-They grinned. This was the You they knew.
- Jacob was grinning. Quill was smirking, barely containing his happiness and Embry was just staring at you. In a way that made you feel very self-conscious.
Jacob was the first to speak
“Skip school with us, just this one day.”
Quill leaned forward, “Y/N, trust me, you’ll love this. You won’t even be angry anymore.”
“Nuh-ah, I’m not even an athlete, there is no way I’m getting into and taking whatever the hell you are.
They rolled their eyes.
“I promise you we’re not recruiting you into a gang, sort-of.”
That was it with your resolve. Not that you put up much of a fight. You missed them all dearly, and you knew they would never put you in danger.
-Turned out they weren’t in a Gang.
-they told you the truth.
-After all, the stories of the Spirit Warriors is in your heritage too.
-Embry walked with you down the beach, “So, how much do you remember about imprinting?”
You stared at him, taking in his hopeful expression, “Y-you did not?”
have a little doodle of young Melarue in the Four Horsemom’s AU aka the au where Melarue is a baby and is raised by Maibrit, Lela, Kel, and Olwyn. Pffft Mel, you think somehow you’re going to sneak out to go and fight the Dread Wolf without one of your mom’s noticing? Not in a million years.
So anyway I know I’m sappy and emotional but I wish I could go back in time to when I was 15 and tell my closeted and depressed self that in my 20s I’m out to almost all of my friends and to my parents and that everything is okay