its because he has the looks and the hacking skills right

so I was talking with @gitwrecked about the Space Dad mentality and how rare it is that Shiro gets to have fun like the other Paladins do. A lot of fic and art either assume Shiro’s the responsible character, or leave him out completely while all the Paladins are having fun - and that’s always bugged me, a bit. Shiro so rarely gets a chance to play those games, or make mistakes, or be smol, or be taken care of in any way. In fandom, Shiro’s almost always the Responsible One, whether that’s in charge of the team, assisting with the team’s personal affairs/relationship woes Via the giving of Dad Advice, etc. etc. Even the mentality that back at the Garrison Shiro must’ve been tight-laced, Perfect, and Always Responsible is just…it doesn’t make sense, to me. Considering everything he’s been through, can’t our Shiro be allowed some fun?

Shiro would’ve been a COMPLETE troublemaker back at the Garrison. Hardworking and dedicated, sure, but once he proved himself and climbed up the ranks, so to speak? Kid could get away with ANYTHING. Nobody can keep a straight face quite like Shiro. Nobody knows why there’s always one particular flight-bike returned with just a bit less fuel than the others, nope, no sir. No, nobody knows how the doors to the hangars were left unlocked and a trio of cows slipped in last night. Nope, definitely not. Shirogane? Nope, definitely not involved. What kind of person would think that of Innocent, Responsible Shiro?

Shiro gets away with a lot of stuff like this. Matt only eggs him on, the little troublemaker. The two of them would make SUCH a pair, wreaking havoc, always messing things up, and the worst part is Iverson can NEVER PROVE IT. If Matt has even half the hacking skills of Pidge? Nothing would be safe. The rosters? Weird how Shiro and Matt are always in the same classes. Any type of list? Funny that the mess hall’s serving chocolate cake for dinner for the fourth night in a row, how odd. The simulators? 

Dear lord, the simulators.

Fake missions. Weird Easter Eggs left behind in mission logs, so the freshmen are running these simulations and that’s definitely a duck that just flew past us, sir, how is a duck faster than this ship? Weird loopholes, one set of canyons that definitely loops you back to the beginning just after you exit. Missions with heavy-loss scenarios that light up at the end with a huge message saying APRIL FOOL’S. Just messing with everyone.

[Iverson: WHO LET HOLT INTO THE SIMULATOR PROGRAMMING?
Matt, deadpan, as the newbies running the simulation have to fly through a series of caves in a mountain that looks suspiciously like a nose (only access point is through the nostril): It’s my computer programming final, sir. 
Iverson, who didn’t check all the course syllabi: Shirogane, is this true?
Shiro, without batting an eye: Yes sir.]

In addition to the ability to lie their way out of every inquisition, Matt and Shiro are pretty clever at this. They don’t have to lie often because they don’t get caught. They’re extremely cautious, planning tricks weeks or months in advance, well worth taking the time to pull it off well and cover our tracks than it is to get caught and give up the whole game. (I’m not saying they were Weasleys of the Garrison, but.) 

I wonder if this is also one of the reasons Lance looks up to Shiro so much. Picture one night a very young and impressionable Lance sneaking out of his dorm after hours, trying to get a level up by gaining just one extra peek at the simulators (poor bab wants so badly to be fighter class), and in so doing caught the rarest of rare events: Shiro, sneaking out of the simulator programming room.

And Lance doesn’t mean to, but he stumbles right into a trashcan and makes a huge clatter and Shiro’s head whips up and the two of them just stare at each other. Lance’s heart is going a mile a minute, he’s going to get in trouble, that’s Takashi Shirogane, the straight-A Perfect Responsible Top Of His Class Pilot - 

Shiro draws breath. Lance winces, waiting for the reprimand.

“Can you keep a secret?” Shiro asks, and winks.

“Uh,” stutters Lance, floored.

And then the next day Lance is watching the simulator runs with his class, but for whatever reason the Simulator’s infected with some sort of weird bug. Anytime anyone fails at any part of the program the screen rains down confetti on them. Forgot to buckle your seatbelt? CONFETTI. Effed up that landing? CONFETTI. Turning to hurl into the main gearbox- 

“Shirogane,” Iverson growls, “Did you program this run?”

“Must be a glitch, sir,” Shiro says, completely straight-faced.

And Lance is a goner.

Across The Multiverse, 1.

Genre | Cowboy Bebop AU.

Pairing | Jeon Jeongguk / Reader.

Words | 2,290 words.

Conspectus | The call will always come, and Jeongguk will always forget. That is just how it is, how it always has been, how it always will be.

Keep reading

Jungkook and Tae’s mischievous plan: MAFIA AU

Genre: Smut

Tags: sex talk/ spanking/ bondage/ office sex/ kinky play/ dirty language

MAFIA AU

Pairing: Jungkook/Reader

Other characters: Kim Taehyung, Min Yoongi

First part: Jungkook: When you catch him masturbating

Second part: Jungkook: When you grind his thigh

Setting: A follow-up to the previous two parts of the story. Takes place some time after the events from the prequels, when your relationship with Jungkook is already developed. 

Characters:

You: The leader of a mafia organisation.

Jeon Jungkook - Master of burglary and a hitman. You were childhood friends but now he works for you. 4 years younger. Doing his best to prove that despite his age, he’s the right man for you.

Originally posted by yourpinkpill


Being a head of a mafia organisation undeniably has its disadvantages, but there is one huge benefit that makes you love this job. You have always found it amusing and entertaining when money has been flowing into your pocket thanks to a variety of different profit-making ventures and shady deals with questionable individuals. You have always managed to make the money find its way into your wallet without breaking much of a sweat. Heck, you’re just very good at it. The more illegal and immoral the method the easier and more exciting it is for you. No risk no fun, as they say, and yeah, you certainly know how to play that game.

For this reason, recently you’ve been very busy with looking for new ways of generating even more income for your gang. Not that you’re having any problems with the budget… It’s just that the more the better, isn’t it? Bearing that in mind, you’ve been having your eyes on some big fish in the city. Initially, you somewhat hoped that Yoongi could make use of his insane hacking skills, and simply steal the passwords of their bank accounts but, much to your dismay, he failed miserably. Despite his impressive experience in doing works like that nothing much came out of it. Turns out that their security systems are just too damn good even for him.

Due to these unfortunate circumstances, you’re now sitting with Yoongi in your office. He’s been trying to complete his task but, unfortunately without much success. He is visibly annoyed and frustrated. It becomes apparent that you will not lay your hands on their money all that easily. It is getting late already and both of you are too tired to go on…

Y: Mmmmkay, let’s call it a day, Suga.

S: No fucking way. I told you I could do it and I will.

Y: Oh, common. We both know you’re not getting that money for me anytime soon.

A sly smirk creeping over your face. Finally, your overconfident friend and right-hand man, Min Yoongi, hit a dead spot. It is the first time in the history of your cooperation that he hasn’t been able to carry out your order.

S: Shut the fuck up, will you? I can’t focus.

He spits out, knowing all too well that he should admit defeat.

T: Oooooh… Touchy.

Mocking words come out of Taehyung’s amused face. He’s getting all too comfortable sitting in your chair, stretching his legs on the desk while squeezing a pink anti-stress ball in his slender hand.

J: Somebody should teach you how to address your boss, hyung.

Jungkook remarks, stretching on the sofa. A loud yawn escapes his pretty mouth.

J: Oi, Tae Tae! Maybe you should borrow him that ball? Suga hyung is visibly tensed!

Originally posted by nnochu


S: How about you both cut that shit already?! All you can do is sit on your asses and shit talk. If you’re so clever why don’t you get that money by yourselves?!

Suddenly, the aura around Tae changes. He is now sitting on the chair. Eyes sparkling with obvious excitement.

T: Damn sure we will, hyung! Am I not right, Kooks?

Jungkook isn’t certain at all but, knowing Tae, he must be already devising a plan in his pretty head. 

Jungkook’s clueless expression reveals hisdoubtful thoughts.

J: Will we, Tae?… Like, really?

Too long silence follows his unanswered question. Two boys are gazing at each other and then, Tae stands up from his chair and briskly moves in your direction.

T: Y/N, baby, let me take care of it. That is, me and Kooks. We will get that money for you, I swear!

Suga laughs out mockingly, holding his belly. Tears are forming in his eyes.

S: How would you two even plan to do that? That was a good one Tae, you got me…

He nods his head in approval still laughing.

T: I’ll make you choke on that words, hyung.

S: I’m waiting in anticipation.

And then Tae looks deeply into your eyes, taking your hands into his.

Originally posted by bangtanbighit


T: Will you trust me, boss? I’ll give you what you need… I promise.

He is so close that you are getting nervous, his eyes gleaming with hope and eagerness. You swallow hard…

J: Wow he’s so good…

Jungkook mumbles to himself, watching him attentively. He tilts his head to get a better view of Tae’s face, making mental notes for future reference… These two damn tricksters.

Being utterly lost in Taehyung’s eyes, you only manage to deliver a silent nod.

Y: Yeah, whatever… Just do your job.

Suga growls angrily

S: No fucking way! Will you let these two clowns do as they please? Have you lost your mind?

Yoongi continues rambling like that but you no longer listen to his outburst of anger. You are too pissed off to put up with this kind of behaviour. Besides, you know pretty damn well why he is so reluctant to call it quits. It’s not only about his pride. It’s not only because he is just a stubborn little ass. There is something more to his persistence, and it is very much connected to your sister, Lulu.

Y: Oh, shut your trap Suga, will you?!  All you care about is that stupid bet with Lulu. You’re more concerned with losing than actually not giving me the money.

Obviously, Taehyung wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t use this little exchange of arguments to his own advantage. He cuts in with a disappointed look on his face.

T: I knew right away that he wouldn’t win. They’re like children with Lulu… Fooling around instead of doing their job. Can’t you just tell her you like her, hyung? 

He shakes head disapprovingly so as to spice up this dramatic and fake act. You quickly glance at Yoongi. He looks as if he was about to explode after hearing that. Out of a sudden, he springs to his feet. It doesn’t look all too well so you do the same, positioning yourself between Suga and Tae.

Y: Enough.

It might sound a bit too harsh, but the boys immediately realise that they have reached an invisible boundary. It’s precisely the time to stop getting under your skin and simply listen to your orders. No more talking and pissing you off for today.

Y: You have three days. When you’re done with the plan come and report.

Taehyung grins widely, being obviously very proud of himself.

T: Splendid! .

On your way out of the office, you catch a glimpse of Jungkook. He’s sitting there a bit terrified and dumbfounded at the same time. His signature shocked face making you smile a little.


Two days later

You’ve been sleeping peacefully in your bed when a phone wakes you up. You glance at the phone screen and see that it’s Taehyung. He calls you to announce that their plan is almost done, but they will need you in order to carry it out. 

Lazily, you crawl out of bed and start preparing yourself for another long day at work. Some time later, you arrive at the headquarters and head straight to the conference room, just as you were instructed by Taehyung.

The moment you open the door your feet refuse to move any further. Eyes quickly scanning the room. You’ve counted as many as four women sitting at a round table with their eyes glued to Jungkook and Taehyung. Two said man are standing in front of the ladies, all dressed up in suits and ties. Behind them, there are several pieces of art neatly spread out on the ground and propped against the wall. From what you have managed to register, though, nothing major or readily recognisable to your critical eye. In fact, you cannot get rid of an impression that they are pretty shitty… Nonetheless, what is certainly worth admiring, are these two elegant boys, looking all fly and hot. Not surprisingly, you’re standing there staring at them, just like these women. Moments later, Tae’s deep voice brings you back to reality.

T: There you are, Ms Y/N. We’ve been waiting for you.

Confident smile beaming in your direction. You are completely taken aback and so are the rest of the ladies. Apparently, they haven’t even noticed your presence in the room but, seeing as you are nothing interesting, once again their attention shifts to these two handsome boys.

At this very moment, your gaze lingers on Jungkook who is slowly approaching you. Oh so smug… Hair brushed to the side, a hand in his pocket, and that promiscuous smile that makes your heart skip a bit. With every step, he is getting closer and closer. If you only could you would turn around and run away from this room but you are very well aware that you can’t give him this satisfaction. You can’t make it that obvious. Truth to be told, doesn’t he already know that you are a putty in his hands? Whom are you trying to fool, girl?
Suddenly, he is inches from you, placing a hand on your lower back and gently pushing you in the direction of the chair.

J: Please, have a seat. The presentation has already begun.

The situation seems to be a bit too odd for your liking but you decide that it will be best to disregard these sceptical thoughts for a while. You comply and let Jungkook lead you. He moves the chair away from the table, trailing his hand down your back. Before going away he makes sure that you sit comfortably and then, one last time, he playfully brushes your shoulder with his fingers while slowly proceeding to Tae.

T: Very well. Now, that we are all gathered here, we can quickly move on to the presentation of our valuable pieces. My friend, will you take charge?

Taehyung`s sweet words do wonders to the gathered public. All of the ladies absolutely hypnotised, sitting there as if they were spellbound. You can’t believe your own eyes when you see their reaction once Jungkook’s clear voice echoes in the room. There is a sharp intake of breath, and you could swear that some of these women simply forgot how to breathe for a couple of seconds when he opened his pretty mouth. It is as if they were afraid that their breathing could muffle the sweet sounds coming from this handsome boy. 

J: Thank you very much, huyng. It’s an honour for me to be able to present our collection of these extremely beautiful pieces to our guests.

A pause followed by an innocent smile.

J: I’m sure all of you ladies will be as infatuated with the pure elegance and artistry of these paintings as I was when I first saw them.

He takes a deep breath and then continues with a stern expression on his face. Voice cracking due to the intensity of his speech.

J: It’s extremely painful for us to part with these beautiful pieces but… There’s nothing to be done. Due to very inconvenient circumstances, we no longer can stay in possession of these wonders.

He frowns his forehead and scans the room with eyes full of hope.

J: Only you can put our mind at ease and properly take care of our collection, without letting it get into the hands of some abominable people… That would be heartbreaking… I dread to fear of such possibility!

The Ladies are now visibly distressed, probably dreaming only of taking that innocent and suffering pretty boy into their arms…You’re sitting there and thinking to yourself.
“For fuck`s sake, these paintings are total crap…”
Thoughts are flowing in your head. Their plan to cheat these silly women is as clear to you as a day now. You are observing Jungkook and Taehyung all the time. You have never really expected them to have such damn skills. Of course, you know they are good at fraud. They wouldn’t work for you if they weren’t, but you didn’t expect them to be so smooth and so successful at selling people shit right in their face… You keep on observing Jungkook, paying attention to the expert choice of words and his body language. Everything under control and acted out just perfectly. Jungkook casually talks about the paintings, describing them to the smallest detail. Although, in all honesty, there isn’t much to describe since it is a total farce and you are the only one being able to see through their mischievous plan. There is no denying, though, that Jungkook really looks hot and you can’t blame the ladies for dropping their guard. Jungkook radiates confidence and sexiness. You reprimand yourself for letting your mind wander away, but then… Oh, my. Jungkook turns around and kneels so as to take out yet another painting from the pile near the desk. His back in full view. Your eyes involuntarily scanning his body only to stop at his ass. Not only yours, though…  

“So hot… “ you think to yourself. Now, that the images of his naked butt continue flowing into your head in a speed of light.

“It’s not really the time to be thinking about this, you idiot.” Mental struggle going on. He is facing you now again, more talking follows. The same scenario: gestures, grins, or little sheepish smiles, used interchangeably to manage the mood of his excited public. He is slowly moving around the room, getting closer or further from the ladies. All so well acted and with such confidence. You are lost in thoughts, biting your lip when you hear Tae’s voice:

T: So, my dear ladies. Once my friend is done with his presentation, I’ll talk to you about some more mundane matters.

“Money,” you think to yourself.
It seems that you are not the only one who got that message straight, though. You can hear a comment from the lady sitting at the very front.

X: And what makes you think we`d like to buy anything from you, pretty boy?

Taehyung is a bit shocked for a moment, but fortunately, Jungkooks breaks in:

J: And what makes you think you don’t? We have many things to offer. I’m sure we can cater to your needs… All of them.

He answers with a nonchalant smile. A hand resting on his hip, the other one spread out on the table to prop himself. Big chocolate eyes focusing only on her. You can feel his gaze, even though you are not the one he is staring at.

 Y: Damn he smooth… 

A whisper escapes your lips and your cheeks flush immediately. 

“It’s not my baby boy,” your mind screaming at the obvious contrast. In fact, it dawns on you now that you have never ever seen him working and you would never expect such a change in his behaviour.

T: Yeah…. Having discussed that, let’s move on

Taehyung continues as if nothing happened. You gulp, being angry at yourself. Also, you can’t deny that the way all of these women ogle Jungkook, and his stubbornness to avert your eyes as if you weren’t even there, don’t make you bitter. He’s been purposefully ignoring you ever since this little show has begun.

Taehyung resumes talking again, and Jungkook, having nothing better to do, decides to sit. Not surprisingly, he chooses the chair right next to you. He sits down, all too close. His knee brushes against yours and he doesn’t even bother to move it away. You peek at him, his eyes intently watching Tae Tae, not giving a damn about your presence. He is boldly ignoring you. The very thought is driving you mad. You jostle him with your thigh, not being too delicate. A small smirk on his face, almost mocking. But still, he doesn’t look at you. You are fidgeting nervously in your chair and, once again, you bump him under the table… Or maybe you only try because his strong hand catches you in the middle of the act, keeping your tight in place. He digs his long fingers into your sensitive flesh, completely exposed because of the short dress that you are wearing. He lets out a deep breath as if he was annoyed with you. The grip on your thigh is becoming almost too painful so you decide to let go. Slowly his hand relaxes.

J: Behave, noona. We’re working.

He whispers very quietly with his hand still resting on your thigh. A shiver runs down your spine. “What’s wrong with him,” you are thinking to yourself. Unconsciously, you press your thighs together, trapping his hand between them. When you realise that you let go immediately, but it is too late. He shifts his gaze at you, now obviously interested. He scans your face, and you can feel your cheeks burning again. You refuse to look at him, afraid of giving away that you maybe got a little bit too excited… He reads you like an open book, though. His hand still lingering on your thigh, lazily beginning to move and stroking your leg. He plays with the trimming of your dress, moving it between his fingers, bit by bit uncovering more and more of your thigh. You get a bit flustered, worried that somebody will notice… But then again, all the ladies are too focused on Tae. Still, when he rolls the dress so high that you can almost feel the chair with your naked ass, you try to protest, gripping his hand tightly. He stops moving up then and decides to play with what is already available. He gropes your inner thigh fiercely, making you squeeze your legs instinctively. He is not too pleased with your disobedience so he forcefully separates your legs with his hand. Under the table, you feel yourself being held in place by his leg that has just curled around yours. Your throat goes dry. His fingers now freely roaming between your legs, stroking you whenever he wants to. Obviously, you could struggle more but you are painfully aware that it would attract even more attention… So, he keeps on caressing you there, his face not even once giving out what he has been doing to you. Smug motherfucker. You are getting uncomfortable and too hot, frustrated even. He even dares to throw in some comments, making little jokes with Tae. All the ladies oh so fucking amused. “Since when is he such a flirt?” you desperately try to answer this and some other questions, but it is all too difficult, given the present circumstances. His hand skillfully distracting your thoughts and making sure that you’re focused only on his ministrations. You almost melt in that chair when without any warning he covers your pussy with his inner hand. You hear a low chuckle. Suddenly, you realise that you did not wear any panties. “Shiit… He will bring it over and over,”  you are panicking mentally. But then, oh boy, he starts massaging your folds with two fingers, making slow circles. You want to disappear from that place. Pleasure building up in your belly. You cover your flushed face with one hand, mentally praying to be as quiet as possible. You are afraid to breathe even, stealing Jungkook a pleading glance. But fuck him, he doesn’t even look back. Your fists clench. “Fucking overconfident brat,” stream of profanities in your head. And then, as if he mentally sensed that, he shoves a finger into your tight entrance. The walls of your vagina clenching at the unexpected invasion, but he only thrusts deeper. Soon enough, he buries his finger completely inside you, so that even small movements give you immense pleasure. You are so tight, not too wet yet and it causes a bit of pain, but it is oddly satisfying. This kind of pain that makes you stretch your legs even wider because it is never enough. Your vision is hazy. He sets up an awfully slow pace, shoving his finger in and out of your pussy. Each time he pulls it out you want to cry out to express your dissatisfaction. It just feels so empty then. He is tormenting you and enjoying this too much…

T: Jeongguk, would you be kind enough to distribute the brochures? It will be necessary for you, dear ladies, to read through them in order to acquaint yourself with our offer.

Taehyung flashes a smile. If you could you would kill the bastard right away, without any second thoughts. You hate him right now. Fuck the money… You need Jungkook now.

J: With utmost pleasure, hyung. 

Jungkook stands up, completely unfazed. You shot him a murderous look, but he isn’t too concerned with that. And oh god, he is so handsome, handing in the damn leaflets to these oblivious women, chit-chatting. So cute…

Who would expect that he has been fingering you just a moment ago? You frown at the memory of his fingers inside you. You want him back. You want him there again. He stops in front of you to give you the leaflet. He bends down lightly, and only now your eyes finally meet. You give him that needy look: “Kookie, please do something or else I will lose my mind.” He touches your hand.

J: Hyung, it seems Ms Fay has already decided on some purchase. She’s a terribly busy woman, so please, excuse us. Carry on without me, hyung. 

T: Oh, so we have the first angel who is ready to take care of our priceless paintings!

You quickly stand up, and once again Jungkook is motioning you in the direction of the entrance. Your legs a bit wobbly, so you don’t mind a bit of help. Before you are out, you can hear a hell breaking loose inside of the conference hall. Ladies are raging.

X: Why is she first? Does she have some special treatment or something? I have money I can pay as well!

Y: Don’t let her have that painting! I’ll pay more for it!

T: Easy, easy, my girls! I’ll have something for each and every of you!

Tae tries to ease the sudden tension in the room, already happy that their plan goes just as he wanted it to.

Meanwhile, Jungkook takes your hand and leads you to your office. The moment he slams the door and turns around, you are already on him, looking for his lips with yours, and then pushing your tongue into his mouth. The kiss is so sloppy and you can barely stand on your feet. Legs pressed tightly together because your clit is burning with need. You are so angry at him, jealous, and horny at the same time. You don’t even know what makes you more frustrated. You bit his lip, pissed off, digging nails into his hips. Jungkook hisses, reaching for your ass and squeezing it so hard that it is painful.  

Y: You fucking brat. You and all that teasing.

J: Noona, please correct me If I’m wrong but you were the one who got all wet just by looking at me.

His mouth at the nape of your neck, hot air making you ticklish. You want to make that cheeky smile disappear from his face. You intended to grab his cock through the pants, but before you can do anything, he turns you around and pushes you up against the wall, standing behind you and keeping your hands in place. You are squirming in his tight hold.

J: So frustrated, aren’t you baby girl? Don’t tell me you got jealous? 

He is practically purring into your ear. Oh my, it feels so good.

Y: Jungkook, you’re a fucking jerk!

Upon hearing that, he lifts your skirt exposing your naked ass and slaps you hard making your cheek red and throbbing.

Y: Ahhh…

You have never expected him to do that to you. A cry of pain mixed with pleasure slips out of your mouth. He has never done that to you and you didn’t really think he is capable of doing that either. Your brain is trying to process what has just happened.  

J: Be nicer, noona, will you?

And then he starts massaging your butt, trying to ease the stinging pain. Soft caressing strokes.

J: Baby girl, I’m so sorry. I can’t control myself when I’m around you.

He murmurs softly, feeling guilty out of a sudden. You can feel as he presses his cock tightly to your ass, trying to let go of some steam as well. He is rock hard. You wouldn’t be able to wiggle out of his grip even if you wanted to. Dominating Jungkook. Your mind is screaming. You need more of that.

Y: Tell me, which girl would you like to fuck the most, you dirty brat? I saw the way you looke…

He slaps you again. You cry out loudly. 

Y: I saw the way you looked ahhh…

Another slap follows, making you arch your back. Clit contracting involuntarily at the sensation. He won’t even let you finish the sentence. 

J: You’re such a bad girl, noona.

His voice is so strained, almost as if it was more painful for him than for you. 

J: You’re making me do this. You’re such a bad girl.

Y: Oh yes, Kookie!

You keep on begging like a slut and then he slaps you one last time. His hands are shaking. He hugs you from behind, remorseful and angry at himself that he was enjoying this too much… 

J: It’s all your fault, your fault.

He goes on mumbling like that and petting your sore ass. Your head is spinning and you feel your thighs getting wet. You are leaking a bit from your core. Then, he abruptly turns you around. His face all red. He is angry, visibly angry. Brows furrowed, veins popping on his neck. He spits out, breathlessly:

J: Get your ass on that fucking desk.

Y: Kook…

He cuts in, right away.

J: No talking, just do what you are told. On the desk and spread your legs as wide as you can.

You nod silently. The task isn’t all that easy because your legs are really too weak at this point. You stumble on the way, clutching on the desk at the last moment. You really look so miserable. Jungkook is standing there, observing your struggle to get yourself ready for him. He unzips his pants and starts stroking himself while watching your naked ass. When you sit down on the desk, a bit unsure of what to do next, your eyes go down, focusing on his member. He is shamelessly stroking himself in front of you. He urges you again. 

J: I said spread your legs. 

You swallow hard and follow his command. Eyes closed tightly due to embarrassment. Suddenly, he grips your legs, spreading them even wider. You thought he would just fuck you right then and there because, quite honestly, you don’t have that much time with Tae and the ladies waiting in the conference hall. Much to your astonishment, he takes the chair, moves it closer to the desk and sits down on it. Your cunt is now fully exposed for Jungkook. He puts his hands back on your legs to prevent you from closing them. He takes in the view for a couple of seconds and then licks you all, from your ass cheeks to the tip of your clit. You moan so loud in response. Too loud. You instantly regret that when you realise that somebody could barge in and destroy your much-needed orgasm. You bit your tongue and promise yourself to control this from now on. He takes your entire clit into his mouth, sucking very harshly. He covers your folds with his hot tongue and continues making circles around your sensitive tip. You are so ashamed because of how wet you got. You don’t want him to lick all of that and you grab his head to make him stop.

Y: Kookie, please. It’s enough.

You are wriggling so much that he gets really pissed off. He stands up, gazing into your eyes and takes off his tie in order to immobilise you. He ties your hands to the desk, disregarding your protests and pleas.

 J: Stop this nonsense baby girl. I don’t have all day here. Tae is waiting for me.

He lowers himself and gives you a soft peck. You can taste yourself on his lips. He quickly resumes pleasuring you by licking your clit with his tongue and pushing a finger inside your wetness. You moan and moan again. On the one hand, you don’t want him to stop, but on the other, you don’t want to cum into his mouth. You repeat his name like a mantra. You are so lost at this point that you are almost fucking yourself on his mouth.You are pushing your hips so hard that he has to keep you in place and control everything because your walls are getting tighter and tighter, each end every time he shoves his finger up your pussy. When you are about to finish, he unexpectedly stops.

Y: Oh lord… Kooks. I’ll fucking kill you. Get back there!

He starts laughing, and then he unties you, already positioning himself between your legs.

J: You should really make up your mind, noona.

He palms himself a couple of times, coating his member in precum. You see his cock twitching in anticipation and you lick your dry lips.

J: First you say noo, then you say yes…

Y: Just shut up and fuck me already.

Oh so frantic and needy that you can’t believe it is your own voice. He thrusts inside, all at one go, burying himself to the very balls. At that moment you are completely breathless, your body tensed, and tears are forming in your eyes. 

J: Fuck, baby…

You feel his muscles tightening.

J: I’m so sorry.

He notices your teary eyes and immediately starts kissing them. His cock swelling even more inside you.

J: Baby I could come any minute now. You’re so fucking tight, so perfect.

You know that he is so close and you place a kiss on his forehead, rubbing his back 

Y: It’s alright Kookie, you can come for your noona.

You don’t want him to feel guilty because he got too excited. He shakes his head in response. 

J: No, no, no. Not now.

His cute reaction makes your chest feel heavy. He takes a deep breath and starts rocking his hips. First thrusts very shallow, adjusting himself to your tightness 

Y: Oh, Kookie, you’re so big

J: Ahhh, noona!

He gets so enthusiastic with your praising that he keeps on pushing deeper and deeper, faster and faster. The desk is cracking underneath you two and all of your papers land on the floor. You wrap him tightly with your legs to make it even easier for him to hit the right spot, and oh yes, he really does. He keeps on rubbing you there with the tip of his erection. Finally, he reaches your clit with his hand and massages you while pushing in and out at an amazingly fast pace. Needless to say, you cum moments later, moaning his name while grabbing on his hair. He follows you shortly after, the way your walls are clenching around his dick pushing him over the edge. He shivers, goosebumps on his body, and his nipples hard. 

J: Baby I love you.

He squeaks like a little boy, as always looking for your affection after sex, especially after this kind of dirty play.

Y: I know Kookie… I know baby.

You let him lay his head on your breasts, both of you trying to catch a breath and recover from your high. When he is more or less ok, he lifts his head and gives you a soft kiss on your bruised lips. 

J: Tae… I got to go back…

He mutters reluctantly.

Y: I know dummy. Go and get that money for your noona.

He grins, overjoyed like a little puppy. You have an impression that even his eyes are smiling right now. But, before going out, he helps to put your clothes on and clears the mess from the floor.

Some time later, when you are absolutely sure that all the ladies went home, you go the conference hall. Taehyung is counting the money that they`ve managed to squeeze from these poor women. When he gives you the precise numbers, you are positively surprised. Like hell, that is really a substantial sum of money. 

T: I told you, didn’t I?

Taehyung wants to be praised, happy with his achievement.

Y: I’ve never doubted you, boys.

You pat his head, earning even a bigger grin in return. Jungkook is standing nearby, gazing deeply into your eyes. A small smile forming on his face that makes you blush a little. 

T: But Jungkook, next time you decide to disappear in the middle of the business, please just remember to put back your tie on. That was highly unprofessional!

He pouts, winking in your direction. Your stomach making somersaults while Jungkook stands there troubled, scratching the back of his head.

J: It got lost somewhere in the act, hyung…

T: I’m sure it did… I’m sure it did.

Taehyung responds all too happily while getting out of the room.

balanced with a bit of sweetness

A/n: based on a tumblr meet-ugly prompt. Coffee shop au adrientte.

There’s always been something to balance his blessed life. There’s always been a little something to make his near perfection imperfect.

So in the case of his good looks, it’s something entirely unexpected and uncontrolled.

It’s revealed on a particularly lovely spring day. The sun drifts lazily through the lush ivy vines that drape the cafe’s window.

It’s easy to forget the rest if the world when the strains of bossa nova float lovingly from the old record that spins merrily behind the counter.

There’s just the perfect amount of chatter to keep the atmosphere pleasantly alive and he finds it to be a blessed morning as he scrolls through his social media account, chuckling slightly at the memes he’s absolute trash for.

Now when Adrien is ensconced in the world of modern day dadaism, there’s very little he notices.

As a matter of fact, he has yet to notice the pretty little barista that stares at him with absolute awe in her blue bell eyes.

She’s a new hire by the name of Marinette. And she thinks she’s found her soul mate. He’s gorgeous, yes. But beyond that, he’s got a Naruto pin on his otherwise professional brown satchel.

And there’s the Hyrule symbol peeking just over the collar of his cream cardigan.

But she’s yet to gather the courage to speak to him. It had been Rose who’d managed to get his order. It had been Kim who’d served it to him.

The vanilla cake sits invitingly at his table. A wonderfully, delicately sweet dessert that she’d expertly made and she’s waiting with baited breath for him to try it.

But it’s been ten minutes, and in between sneaking glances and filling bakery orders, she’s a little harried.

Disappointingly, the beautiful man…Adrien as she gathered from Rose, seems to be too engrossed in his phone to actually eat yet.

“Marinette, we need more croissants, quick!” Kim chides her, juggling a silver tray laden with a teapot and colorful little tarts.

She merely nods, quickly turning to the counter top where the dough waits to be kneaded.

Unfortunately (or not), Adrien takes a piece of fluffy vanilla cake into his mouth, still scrolling through his phone.

And then, in a matter if seconds, his entire body freezes. The tendons in his arms strain against the table and his face turns red until from his mouth arises the most horrifying bray.

It’s decidedly something between a cough and a shout, and it’s repeated in earnest.

“HOLY SHIT. The potential father of my children is choking to death.” Seems to be the first thing that rolls through Marinette’s thoughts and she’s already leapt over the counter and wrapped her slim arms around his torso before anyone else can say a thing.

Now here’s the thing about Marinette Dupain-Cheng. She once took a CPR class six years ago when she was still entertaining the idea of becoming a nurse.

She’d never needed to use her decidedly rusty skills until now, but soon she’s tucking her balled up hands just under his ribs and shoving them in and then up his abdomen.

He’s awkwardly taller than her, and his awful hacking cough has turned into deep heaves as she pumps her arms and tries to dislodge what he’d been choking on.

But heavy as he is, her movements are uncoordinated. Her body arches away from his back and then jerks forward at intervals every time she pushes.

(It’s all her fault. She shouldn’t have made it so dry, she thinks.)

But after a few seconds of fruitless rescue, he says between her attempts..

“Uh…uh…excuse…me.” He bites out, and it finally dawns on Marinette that her red-faced dream boy is absolutely okay.

Her arms fall limply at her side as she lets out a shriek of embarrassment and hides her face in her hands.

He can make out the slight stream of muffled apologies, and god, he’s mortified and he’s embarrassed a sweet girl simply trying to help.

So there’s the thing that balances his good looks. It’s his absolutely terrifying, horrendous laugh that sounds like he’s choking.

The atmosphere in the cafe is compounded by the stunned silence of the other baristas and customers.

Everyone waits with baited breath, some barely holding back giggles at what had turned from a heroic rescue to a misunderstanding in less than a minute.

“I’m so so sorry.” Marinette finally manages clearly, teary eyes peeking past her fingers to look down at him.

He merely shakes his head, cheeks still flushed and a hand threading through his hair.

“It’s…ah…not your fault…thanks for trying to save me…” He answers. And he finds that despite the misunderstanding, there’s genuine gratitude in his heart.

He offers her a conciliatory smile.

“It’s good to know that your customers are looked after.” He offers her and that assuages her embarrassment long enough for her to drop her hands.

“R-really?” Her eyes are wide and disbelieving, but still, there’s a gentle curiosity in her eyes that makes his breath stop.

She’s pretty.

“Yep.” He answers quietly, and his smile turns sheepish as they both remain caught in a lattice of embarassment, curiosity and star struck humor.

He begins to chuckle again, softer this time and Marinette has the good grace to let loose a giggle that borders in hysterical.

There’s a distant guffaw that and the slight humor that roils over the rest of the cafe lets them know they’ve got witnesses.

Rose is giggling delicately behind the glass countertop, and she can hear Kim’s familiar shrieking laugh from the supply room.

Eventually, the rest of them settle down and there’s just the two of them again.

“Oh…” Marinette sighs, wiping her sweaty hands in the folds of her red apron.

Adrien gives her a sheepish smile, and with a jerky movement, grabs his phone from where it had fallen on the table and turns it towards her.

“This is what I was laughing at…Gabriel Agreste’s foray into the avante garde haute couture.” He says breathlessly, his laughter straining his composure once more and he has to bite his lips to prevent it from wreaking havoc.

And Marinette has to hide her face again when she sees what it is.

Here’s another thing about her. She’s an aspiring fashion designer. Gabriel is one of her idols…and she thought she’d been the only one surprised by his choices for this spring’s lineup.

Because really, the metallic purple suit that was draped on the model was flashy enough without the giant butterfly wings that were spread out clumsily behind the piece.

On its own, it would have been enough to make her giggle, but it was the fact that the poster had photoshopped Gabriel’s stoic face onto the model, and then proceeded to somehow make the arms flap in the gif that made her laugh. It was wonderful.

The caption being “And Gabriel’s collection takes off this spring.” wrapped the humor into a wonderful little package that threatened her composure too.

“Oh my god. It’s perfect.” She gasps through her giggles and Adrien’s smile is large.

“I know right?” He guffaws and their conversation devolves into a pleasant stream of things related to fashion and humor and anime after that.

When he mentions that Gabriel is his father off handedly, he’s surprised by her quiet acceptance and minimal questions.

In the end, she takes her break early and urges him to try the vanilla cake.

He savors the bite, and a look of wonder steals over his face as he finally takes the time to appreciate it.

“It’s perfect. Moist and balanced with sweetness.” He crows excitedly and she shakes her head.

“You’re lying.”

“Nope. This is the best vanilla cake I’ve had. Believe it.”

Marinette nearly bursts at the seams trying to contain her laughter, but she’s glad.

Because there’s something to balance her earlier embarrassment and it’s this tiny moment with him in this cafe.

Adrien thinks the same thing, and perhaps there will be future moments for the two of them.

But for now, they’ll savor this little slice of pleasantry between them.

Scribble-Doodle: Diplomacy

A parabatai pre-series fic. Alec’s tasked with delivering a message to Hotel Dumort. Jace tags along. Luckily.


“Where are we going?” Jace asks when he joins Alec at the front door of the Institute.

Alec rolls his eyes while pulling on his fingerless gloves. “We aren’t going anywhere. I was ordered to deliver a message to Hotel Dumort.”

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Get Well Soon - Jihoon (Woozi) Fluff

Originally posted by woozibye

Request: Hey hey! Can u please do a Seventeen taking care if their sick gf please? Thanks a lot! (A/N: I already have a multi-member thingy for this and Jihoon has zero requests, so I decided to show our little cinnamon bun some love.)

Word Count:1259

Genre: Fluff

Member/Group: Jihoon (Woozi) of SEVENTEEN

Summary: Being sick is never fun in your opinion, but your boyfriend strongly disagrees with you on that.

A/N: Guys, I’m really sorry I haven’t posted. I’m not proud of this because I feel like you guys expect better quality, but a friend of mine passed away Saturday and everything has been a huge mess since. Anyway, sorry for any errors and I hope this is at least mildly entertaining for ya’ll. xx


 When you woke up that morning, you had already known that the whole day would be similar to hell. 

 From the moment that you finally forced your eyelids to open, your throat was extremely sore. Your whole body felt as if it was on fire, yet chills seemed to shake through your entire body every few seconds. Even the slightest movement caused goosebumps to prickle up the entirety of your skin as what could only be described as pins and needles pricked at your arms and legs. The light that beamed through your bedroom window caused a radiating light to blind you, and no amount of blinking helped. All you could do was let out a painful groan, which just so happened to bring the realization upon you that you were not in bed alone.

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anonymous asked:

Hi! Saw a fanart about this before sooo.. would like to request an HC where MC is also a hacker (maybe as good as God Seven), but she's not affiliated in any organization (freelance?) so didn't come up on the background check and she tells em after they started dating?? Particularly interested in Vanderwood's reaction. Lololol.

✿  ok so I admittedly got a little crazy with this request. Whoops!! we’ve been talking about the Snowden movie in class, so I’ve had vigilante hackers on the brain… 

✿  As usual, I hope you enjoy!


Yoosung

  • Of course he knows about  (♕ ALICE ♕)  - how could he not? Last month the image-boards blew up talking about her after she released a whole host of incriminating government documents to the public! She’s super famous!
  • How does he feel about it? Uh.. well… if…… the government is doing bad stuff…… shouldn’t people know about it? She’s like - a hacker for justice! That’s good, right?
  • Wait, why do you look so relieved?
  • wait what are you
  • what do you mean that
  • i
  • oh my GOD is THAT why you have ALL THOSE ALICE IN WONDERLAND PINS ON UR BAG HE JUST THOUGHT
  • HE JUST THOUGHT
  • OH M Y GOD WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS SOMEONE AS FAMOUS AS YOU DATING SOMEONE LIKE HIM
  • you, of course, are somewhat taken aback. the media is calling you a terrorist and yoosung thinks u are too good for him. 
  • clearly it is the other way around
  • how is this precious angel child still interested in a hacker like you? wtf? 
  • he is hyper proud and clearly does not understand the danger of being with you.
  • you are a vigilante and could get your ass black bagged
  • YOOSUNG PLEASE 
  • the Orwellian big-brother police could fuck your shit up at literally any moment
  • He doesn’t care about any of that. He’s going to protect you! This is a cause you think is important, right? 
  • You’ve always supported him in what he thinks is important. He is gonna do the same!!
  • what are you going to do when the MIB show up yoosung, throw honey buddha chips at them and run while they’re distracted??????
  • he wins u over with his sincerity tho and starts helping you out a bit.
  • He’s actually very very good at doing tedious, methodical tasks like looking through e-mails, so he basically becomes your partner in crime. You do the fun hacking and flamboyant trickery, he does the boring sorting.
  • look at you, corrupting the innocent. good job. 

Zen

  • He notices that you spend a lot of time on the computer, and at first you just coyly say, well - you’re a programmer.
  • It’s sort of true…?
  • Most of the time, your work isn’t… that bad! You’re just a - a freelancer, like… like a graphic designer or a ghostwriter! 
  • It’s - it’s nothing sketchy! It’s just sometimes on the side you…
  • …y;know, hack into government databases and dump all the dirt you find for the public to see.
  • (ok u gotta tell him)
  • He seriously thinks you’re joking at first when you finally drop that your secret identity is  (♕ ALICE ♕), the flamboyant hacker who’s stolen the public eye lately with a promise to ‘Take the world down the rabbit hole of governmental corruption’. 
  • you’re expecting that to be it. You are dangerous, your job is dangerous, and holy fuck if word got out, Zen’s career would be destroyed. 
  • honestly? you consider being the one to do it, to break up with him for his own safety. Jaehee is right. his career is more important than a relationship.
  • Zen, when he finally accepts that you are serious, is like… fuck that lmao
  • Right now??? He only has a career because of your encouragement, so there is NO WAY he is letting you deal with this on your own.
  • For awhile, you consider… dropping your job and finding something more… palatable. Something in security maybe. You know how to break into networks - you can turn that around to protecting them.
  • Zen takes you off guard by saying, in no uncertain terms, no. 
  • This is important to you. He can see how important to you it is by the long hours you work. He knows what it’s like to have people poop all over your dreams, and he is not going to do that to you.
  • ZEN, YOUR DREAMS ARE I L L E G A L THERE SHOULD BE LIMITS TO UR SUPPORT
  • You do, at the very least, use your skills to make Zen absurdly popular. He thought Seven was bad about his dubious promoting? OH LORDIE
  • YOU ARE AN ACTUAL NIGHTMARE

Jaehee

  • jaehee breaks into nigh-hysterical laughter when you tell her
  • oh god
  • how long have you been doing this
  • how did you learn how to do this
  • how did you even get into doing this
  • she’s going to be sick
  • NOT THAT SHE’S DISGUSTED BY IT, she immediately clarifies as you start to wilt. GOD, NEVER. NEVER, NO.
  • she’s just terrified
  • She never really… possibly considered that this world could ever intersect her own, and she’s so scared for your safety.
  • You quickly clarify that you’re just a freelancer, though, uh, the fame you have under your pseudonym is,
  • um
  • well
  • you’ve
  • done some pretty big shit. h-hacking government documents, leaking e-mails… uhhhhhh….
  • the news might… call you a terrorist…? ehe.
  • After she’s calmed down, Jaehee adjusts her glasses and gets to work. looking over her shoulder, you see… travel plans…?? flight agencies..??? what???
  • Jaehee has, true to form, taken it upon herself to manage all of the logistics of your inevitable escape from South Korea. seriously this woman is p r e p a r e d.
  • you’re kind of shocked that she’s totally??? and completely willing to aid and abet a criminal and she just looks u dead in the eyes and says
  • You have no idea what I did underneath Mr. Han.
  • (tbh i’m pretty sure Jumin’s 5th anniversary present to u two is smuggling you both to Jamaica, where you can sip daiquiris on a beach and watch the fallout of your reign of terror from afar.)

(as usual - the rest are under the cut!)

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I need to talk about Kid a bit

Yes movie 19 inspired me but like, I’m constantly trying to rationalize why he’s just so damn popular. I mean, what makes me so excited to see him appear, to defy reality and interact with the cast?

I’ve mused on it for a while and came up with a few personal, meta reasons why he’s a recipe for success.

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Energy

Originally posted by hugtae

(Maybe late night studying at the library isn’t so bad anymore.)

slightly inspired by the prompt: “since there’s only one can of energy drink left in the store, which we both need to survive the disgustingly boring lecture we just discovered we both have, how about we share it”

word count: 3,050
note: hi, this is kristen’s first attempt at a scenario aka please excuse this mess. I just love the idea of college!jungkook and I finished this at 3:31am and I’m extremely saddened that this is not real life. shoutout to heungtanbts for unknowingly contributing to this by writing lovely scenarios, which gave me the final push of motivation & confidence to write/post my own!! (check her out)

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anonymous asked:

Mc and the RFA+V and Saeran are on a date and there walking home and and there jumped by a robber mc has a knife or gun in her purse that she keeps with her because of reasons and the man charges them with the knife or raises the gun to shoot and out of panic mc either shoots or stabs them killing them (Sorry I know it sucks so much I really hope you understand and I know it's a horrible ask I'm not good at this type of stuff ): )

I’m assuming these are by the same person, or somehow the universe aligned to help me clear my inbox. 

Don’t worry anon, this isn’t a sucky ask at all (it’s awesome) and your English is great (PS it isn’t my first language either ^.^)!

So, this one is a female MC who shoots a mugger with her gun, severely wounding him, and the RFA + V reactions~

WARNING: ANGST. Shooting people and the aftermath tend to be angsty.


Yoosung

  • after the shot rings out, he stands there in shock, mouth agape
  • then he bursts into action, taking whatever he can out of his bag to try and help the mugger
  • “It was an accident, but we have to help him if we can!”
  • he gets you to call the authorities and an ambulance from your phone and tell them what happened
  • after the mugger is taken away by the paramedics, he’s kind of scared of you
  • he doesn’t know why you would carry a gun if he could easily protect you he’s so naive somebody save this precious cinnamon roll
  • but then he finds out you used to live in a bad neighbourhood and he feels so bad for misjudging you
  • “It was an accident, and he was trying to hurt you. You did the right thing, MC, so please don’t worry about it.”

Zen

  • he was ready to protect you and heroically take a bullet to keep you safe, but then you surprised him by pulling out a gun and shooting the mugger
  • he’s shocked, but it doesn’t take him very long to snap out of it
  • the first thing he does is turn to you and ask if you’re okay, and he’s telling you not to look at the mugger because there’s so much blood
  • “MC, it wasn’t your fault. He was trying to hurt you, and you acted in self defence. It wasn’t your fault.”
  • he’s mostly concerned about whether you’re all right, and whether you were hurt somehow
  • he calls an ambulance for the guy and keeps you close, constantly reassuring you that it’s all right
  • he’s really sympathetic when he finds out you used to live in a bad neighbourhood, because he’s lived in some rough places too
  • “It’ll be all right, MC. No matter what, I need you to know that it wasn’t your fault, okay?”

Jaehee

  • she was all ready to use her judo skills on that mugger but then you shot him
  • she’s surprised but she springs into action quickly, pulling out her cell phone and calling emergency services
  • she makes sure you unload and put away your gun before they get here so the police know you’re not a threat
  • “This will likely go to trial, MC, and I will testify on your behalf. You were acting defensively, nothing more.”
  • she makes sure you talk to the police and try to help them in figuring out what happened
  • you’re so cooperative that they dismiss you without a trial, the mugger was a wanted criminal anyway
  • jaehee makes sure you’re all right, she’s a little wary that you have a gun but since you know how to use it she can live with it
  • “It is so unfortunate that good people like you feel so unsafe that they must carry weapons. I do hope you’re all right, MC. It’s safe to say today did not go as planned.”

Jumin

  • he had insisted that security walk a few paces behind you after your date, but regretted it when he saw the mugger pointing his gun at you
  • quick as a flash, you pulled out your weapon and shot him in the stomach
  • then the security guards are there, calling the police and taking care of everything
  • “That was an impressive shot, MC. I think you may have just saved both our lives, and for that you have my eternal gratitude.”
  • he’s really impressed by your skills, but from then on he vows to always bring security guards everywhere
  • he gets really protective of you and insists you go home right away, if there are any legal problems his lawyers will take care of it
  • he doesn’t let you out of his sight for the next while because he’s worried someone else might attack you
  • “I don’t want you to get hurt, MC. If only I hadn’t been so selfish, my security would have been there and we could have avoided this unpleasantness. This is my fault entirely.”

Seven

  • he was cursing himself for not bringing any weapons when you pulled out your gun and shot the mugger
  • seven doesn’t say anything, he just grabs your hand and pulls you along with him, making sure you put your gun on safety as you run
  • he takes you back home in the most roundabout route imaginable, and he’s on high alert, checking to make sure you weren’t followed
  • “I think you can put your gun away now, MC. I don’t think we’re in danger anymore.”
  • you get back home and seven starts hacking into the local police database, making sure they don’t have any leads
  • he doesn’t think you did anything wrong, but he doesn’t have much faith in the ‘just’ part of ‘justice system’
  • he’s really proud of you for being so resourceful, but he’s kind of sad that you felt so unsafe you had to carry a gun with you
  • “I hope your life hasn’t been as difficult as mine, but I’m so glad you saved us from that mugger today. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

V

  • he heard the mugger approaching and was trying to dial the police on his phone when he heard the shot ring out
  • he’s so worried that you were hurt and that the mugger managed to shoot you when he was standing there, helpless
  • “MC! MC, are you all right? Did that bullet hit you? What happened? What’s going on?”
  • you tell him you’re all right and you shot the mugger because he had a gun and was threatening you
  • he’s so glad you’re all right but he lets you decide what to do next, he doesn’t want you getting arrested for protecting yourself
  • no matter what you decide to do, v calls an ambulance for the mugger because he might have a chance of making it
  • when you tell v you used to live in a bad neighbourhood, he’s understanding and he doesn’t blame you for anything
  • “I’m so glad you’re all right. There are some misguided individuals in this world, and I don’t want you to get hurt as a result of their poor choices.”

Saeran

  • he was getting ready to pull out his own gun when you shot the mugger in the gut
  • he’s a little impressed, but he didn’t expect anything less of his amazing, badass girlfriend
  • “Nice shot, MC. Come on, we should go before the police get here. I’ll call an ambulance from a payphone down the road.”
  • he doesn’t seem disturbed by what happened, but he feels bad for the mugger because he’s probably just misguided like saeran used to be
  • he makes sure you go out to a public road and people see you so you have a somewhat decent alibi for the night
  • when he finds out you used to live in a bad neighbourhood, he’s angry that someone like you had go through that
  • he takes you home as soon as he can, but he’s worried the mugger might have been hired by someone so he wants to stay the night but only so he can protect you, of course
  • “This might have been a random incident, but what if he was hired by a larger organization? I can’t stand the thought of you in danger, MC. I’m glad you carry that gun with you.”

anonymous asked:

I've often heard that knife fights are mutual suicide, simply because it's so hard to avoid getting hurt while disabling an opponent. Is that true? If so, could you give any tips on writing a realistic knife fight between two relatively equally skilled characters?

We did a post called “Knife Fighting Do’s and Don’t’s” which you might find helpful, it’s also full of links to other resources which may be helpful.

Knife fights are dangerous, in large part because every blow is potentially fatal due to cumulative bleed out/nicking something important or even seemingly unimportant, there is no time for error much less room as combat happens remarkably quickly with the high lethality causing a sudden end, and the fight itself often happens in a blitz.

Even in the hands of someone who has no idea what they’re doing, the knife is incredibly dangerous. Just bull rushing into someone and stabbing them repeatedly in the sides or gut often as many as ten to twenty times will kill them. This is often the case in muggings, for example, and why the knife is a very popular choice. You don’t need skill in order to kill someone with a bladed weapon. You don’t even really need it to be effective beyond understanding the concepts like slashing and thrusting, swinging wildly in the heat of the moment is remarkably effective in this case.

This is the first and perhaps most important tips to writing a character who is experienced and skilled, they understand the dangers inherent in the weapon they are wielding, they recognize it, respect it, and respond accordingly. One of the problems some writers get into when trying to convey skill is to go with the approach of, “it’s not a problem for me, but it will be for you”. This is valid, the problem is that they assume the danger is nullified rather than their character’s comprehension of that danger being the deciding factor. If I know the risks involved, I can take more or navigate more easily than someone with no experience at all. However, the danger itself never goes away. No matter how skilled you are every fight can end with you lying bloody on the ground.

That’s just the way it is.

If you write a character who fights, they and you should always carry the worry of them dying in the back of their minds. And if they don’t, then you should figure out why instead of assuming it’s natural because they have “skills”.

All right, let’s dig in: Knives

Remember, two hands.

When people who have never done martial arts (and even sometimes people who have) there’s often an over focus on the weapon or on the striking, the hitting. In knife fighting and just in general, the off hand or the second hand/hand without the blade is extremely important for both defense and control. All blocking, deflecting, and the openings created will be made with the off-hand. You stop the arm with one hand, cut it with the knife. This protects you and allows you to keep fighting. The off-hand may become a sacrificial body part as necessary to lock up the enemy blade, getting the knife lodged somewhere non-vital if perhaps unpleasant is sometimes necessary to opening the path to victory.

Defense is important.

The blades will not be clashing like a swordfight (which they shouldn’t be clashing in a swordfight anyway, but that’s a different kettle). All blocks, defenses, and redirects will happen with that other hand.

Keep It Tight

Tempting as it is to use words like “swinging” or others in a similar vein, try to keep your vocabulary to descriptors that imply tight, controlled motion. You don’t want a feel that’s wild and out of control but rather intentional, directed, and focused.

“He lunged forward, swinging wildly.”

Versus:

“He stepped back, off-hand catching the wrist and redirecting the incoming dagger. Slashing his blade across the back of the enemy’s hand, he dropped down. With a forward lunge, he cut up along the underside of the arm, tucked tight, and drove his weapon into their gut.”

Debilitate, Disable, Finish:

If you have the option to lunge for the kill then great, but the best way to keep your enemy from stabbing you on the way out is to get rid of their weapon first. Attacking the hand that holds the weapon on your way in ensures that you can get rid of it. The best way to avoid a double suicide is to not be so focused on killing your opponent that you forget about their weapon. The guy you just stabbed six times in the gut can still stab you before he collapses.

Prioritize your threats.

If you have the opportunity to remove the participant before the weapon then fine, but 9/10 you’re going to want to focus on ridding them of their ability to kill you on the way out before moving in.

Move, Move, Move

It can be difficult to think in multiple directions, especially if you have no experience with two bodies interacting. They aren’t going to stand there hacking at each other, they’re going to try to create openings. As any hit from the knife can be deadly due to cumulative bleed out, avoidance is the primary name of the game.

Understand Anatomy

While knife fighting is fast and vicious, it’s also very much about anatomy. You get get downright surgical with a knife if you want and when writing your fiction it’s best to brush up on all the tendons, ligaments, veins, and so forth that are close to the surface and up for grabs or slashes in this case.

Medical knowledge will help you with combat in general, but with knife fighting you really want to know what can get cut to make X stop working before moving in for the kill. It sounds simple in practice, difficult in execution.

Study Actual Knife Combat/Combatants

This may seem like a no brainer, but if you really want to understand what it looks like when someone experienced handles a blade then you want to spend some time looking at guys like Michael Janich, the bladed weapons practice in Silat, Krav Maga, Marines, etc. It’s best to get that experience in person, but YouTube will also be your friend here. There are a lot different martial styles which include knives as part of their disciplines.

Take everything with a grain of salt and remember that videos online won’t make you an expert. If you’re a US citizen, you can also track down most of the Department of Defense manuals for the military available for free online. Some of the information such as that from Rex Applegate is outdated but finding his books and reading through them may help you imagine.

Half of writing anything is studying, learning what it is, what it does, learning so you can imagine the techniques in different ways. Theory for a writer is just important, if not more so than technique. You may not be able to perform it in life, but if you can grasp the theory then you can start applying that to your characters and their approaches to different situations.

Remember Violence is Problem Solving, Think of Your Character’s Personality.

Learning that all combat is not universal, that different approaches exist will help you branch out when writing your characters and allow you to develop combat styles unique to them. A good example of a narrative which does this is Season 2 of Netflix’s Daredevil, wherein Matt, Elektra, Frank Castle, and Wilson Fisk all have different approaches to using violence as a means of solving problems, where the way they fight is also an expression of who they are as people. The kinds of violence your character engages and the way they choose to utilize violence as a means of problem solving is an expression of their personality, not just their skill level.

Two characters of similar skill level can have very different fighting styles, even if they’ve studied in the same style. Take into account who these characters are and let that dictate how they choose to use violence. Not all characters are going to be efficient killing machines. Some are going to be joyous free spirits bouncing their way from one enemy to another, leaping and bounding with a blood streaked grin across their face.

You may think you know nothing, but take what you learn and then apply that knowledge to your character. Let them decide what to do with it. They might use it, they might ignore it.

Don’t sweat the small stuff.

What is most important here is figuring out how to sell the scene to your audience in a variety of different forms.

-Michi

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Neil starts out as a pickpocket

So Neil ran away from an abusive home as a kid after his father got too rough and killed his mother one night he stole the money he knew his mother had hidden away in her room just in case in a metal lock box
And he runs. He first runs to LA because it’s so much easier to be anonymous in a big city but he finds his cash stash dwindling and he needs to learn to pickpocket or he’ll starve. That’s when he gets involved with a group of street kids who call themselves the ravens and they teach him how I survive on the streets
But after a while he doesn’t feel comfortable anymore. Everything goes to the boss and he doesn’t know if he’s getting his fair share for the risk he’s taking and contemplates letting himself get caught cos at least prison is a roof but them remembers how scared he is of his father and thinks better of it
But all the same, the ravens are creepy and so he bounces around by himself. Picking up tricks as he goes here and there, card tricks, counting cards, scams, cons. Anything he might possibly need to survive. He gets caught a few times, but only by other people doing what he does and they teach this poor street kid and send him in his way. He never goes back to those cities he’s been to
And after bouncing around so many cities for so long it feels nice to have some kind of something he can call a home. Even if they’re all criminals.
They decide they’re going to hit The Foxes Tech next. A large company started from humble beginnings of three cousins with an aptitude for technology. They got the name from their high school teacher, David Wymack’s, old sports team as a nod to everything he’s done for them. The twins are 22 at this point.
So the con begins and Neil is supposed to go in for an interview while Dan and Renee find security codes and bank details and Matt starts his work getting cash for them as a businessman who supposedly pushed his meeting up and there was to be a cash payment for schematics for a new phone screen technology he has developed.
Allison and Seth are to be an arguing couple if there is need for a distraction to get anyone out while everyone is doing their jobs- Neil is meant to be finding out the passwords and home addresses of the three founders
He starts getting involved in bigger cons, creating his own little group of ragtag misfits- Dan, Matt, Renee, Allison, and Seth- a group before he came along who take him under their wing and teach him how to survive
And everything goes really really well for a while. A few days pass and their con worked. The last thing to do is to check the cousins’ house in Columbia for anything else they might get.
According to the diary Neil found they are all supposed to be on a business trip
But they’re not. Andrew has stayed home. ‘Business bores me’
'Everything bores you’ Aaron shot back before they left.
So Andrew is an unexpected addition padding around the house and generally being unhealthy and eating pints of ice cream
Neil and Matt hit the house under the cover of nightfall with Dan, Renee, and Allison keeping watch and Seth is AWOL- probably high somewhere they’ll find him later, they always do
And Matt gets them into the house no problem. There are no lights on cos Andrew is just sat on his laptop tucked away from a window. And as Matt checks downstairs Neil goes upstairs. Breaking and entering wasn’t something he was always comfortable with and they’d been so nice to him at his interview he felt almost guilty but this would give them a good cushion for a while. They could go back to small scams and lay low and let the heat from this cool off
But Andrew hears something and this is not planned and Neil hears him before he sees him and OH SHIT MATT
Neil tries to make it down the stairs in time but fails as he tumbles when Andrew turns the light on
Neil breaks his ankle and Matt runs into the room and swears and looks up to see Andrew and lets out a very creative string of curses as he tries to hail Neil to his feet before Andrew can get to them and catch them.
But Andrew isn’t calling the police. He’s too interested in this boy who came to his office for an interview and then broke into his house. He’s sure if Nicky were here they’d be calling the police but he’s just intrigued. He doesn’t think this boy dangerous and he wants to know more so he just lets them leave
But after and injury like that there’s no doubt about their next destination being a hospital. It’s the only thing that makes sense so Andrew tracks which hospital admits him that night. He assumes they won’t use the closest so he goes further afield using his incredible hacking skills to let him in
And it’s under the name Anthony Rogers- it doesn’t take Andrew long to figure the pseudonym is a mash up of the two superhero names for Captain America and Iron Man which just intrigues him more than ever. But he gets what he needs from the hospital- a clear image of Neil’s face that he can use to track him and learn more
He doesn’t realise Neil has contacts that are also very good with computers and that he’s wiped his past existence from everything, pictures at least, and so the image brings up no matches to anything and this frustrates Andrew because no one can just disappear. No one can just not exist. And so with nothing to go on he keeps tabs on crime like what happened to them in the US and runs Neil’s picture against CCTV cameras until he learns the MO of the group and starts to pick up on other faces. They don’t really have much of an MO, he decides. They change it up to avoid having the cases linked so Andrew can’t figure out their next move so he’s always one step behind and he’s still found nothing about his mystery boy
It’s pure luck the next time they run into each other. Andrew actually agreed to go to one of the business meetings with his cousins and they’re there when Neil walks in. He’s changed his hair and has brown contacts in but Andrew knows in an instant that it’s him. Neil walks straight past him, either sure he won’t recognise him or not noticing and Andrew isn’t sure which answer he’d rather was right but Andrew plans to catch him in the act
So Andrew casually asks what this guy is doing here- if there’s an event on today- and someone tells him that it’s a big conference and he’s one of the guests so Andrew slips his way inside the even just to see what Neil does/ And Neil makes his way from person to person, always checking a phone between each one. And it’s not an expensive phone, Andrew notices, its a little cheap thing that he can easily throw away, nothing to track it by so Andrew throws the thought aside
So Andrew just casually strolls up to him at the end of the event and strikes up conversation. And Neil looks a little like a deer caught in headlights for a split second and most people wouldn’t notice but Andrew does. And everything Andrew says is just dropping so so many obvious hints that he knows who he is talking to and the invitation for a drink at the end isn’t really an invitation it’s more of a command and neil knows this guy could get him thrown in jail so he goes along because he wants to protect the others in the group so he tells them that he has to go check on something and follows Andrew.
They get to a bar and it’s a pretty swanky and neil is very nervous and he doesn’t feel comfortable there and Andrew sits down and orders some drinks but completely respects Neil when he says that he doesn’t drink and orders him a coke
And he just sits for a while
And he doesn’t push Neil to say anything and he doesn’t hold him there or make him stay. But something about the way Andrew is looking at him makes Neil want to stay and he doesn’t know why it’s dangerous as hell but it doesn’t matter because Andrew is looking at him more like a puzzle than a criminal and this feels safe
And it’s a dangerous feeling cos this feeling could get him caught or taken back to his father cos technically he is still a minor for a few more weeks and his father would find a way to get him back into his care and no he couldn’t do that
So they just sit for a while longer and nothing really happens
Until Neil goes to the bathroom and Andrew slips a sleeping pill in his drink because he knows it’s wrong but this person is an enigma he needs to figure out
Neil gets back and starts to feel really sleepy and he’s barely making it out of the door and into the waiting car as Andrew supports him along and he takes so much care to avoid touching sensitive areas and he noticed Neil’s slight limp from the still healing broken ankle and when he takes Neil back to the hotel he gets him the room adjoining his- which he kicks Nicky out of and puts him in another room-and he leaves a note on the pillow next to Neil so he sees it when he wakes up to tell him that he is free to leave he wishes, but should he not then Andrew is not going to call the police
When Neil wakes up and sees it he knows it is a stupid idea to stay and he probably shouldn’t trust this man but he does instinctively and he thinks about how dangerous that is
So he calls Matt’s burner phone and tells him he has some things to sort out and he’ll get in touch as soon as possible
And he pads around them room. And there’s a balcony so he goes and stands outside and just watches the sunrise because it’s beautiful and he hasn’t had chance to appreciate the beauty in the world for a long time
And Andrew struggles to sleep and he comes through the room and sees that Neil isn’t there but the door is open and so he goes and leans against the frame and just watches Neil
“How old are you?” Andrew asks him and Neil jumps a little but doesn’t turn around and carefully considered his answer
“That depends, How old would you believe I am?”
“Probably not very. Definitely not older than me. At least two years younger”
And Neil just considers the answer. But doesn’t answer himself and leans on the balcony paling with his hands intertwined
“My cousins don’t know.”
And Neil can only assume he means don’t know about the break-in, or don’t know it was him, or don’t know he’s here, or all of the above but none of them are particularly comforting to him at that point because he’s deciding that he has made a huge mistake and he shouldn’t be here
And then Neil starts coughing. Really coughing. Horribly and painfully and Andrew just silently just gets him some water and waits patiently
Neil finally breaks the silence and asks what Andrew wants from him, why he’s doing this. And Andrew just shrugs
“You’re interesting. Keep doing that.”
“Doing what?”
But Andrew doesn’t answer and just goes back inside, expecting Neil to follow, which he does and Andrew just slides some papers over to him that outline a job offer to be part of the security at the office. He wants Neil to test new measures and make them better, he doesn’t know Neil’s skill set exactly but he knows he has some
It’s quite a vague offer, and it seems like a gift but Neil knows he can’t take it because that would need all kinds of documents that he just doesn’t have and Andrew notices the tension in his shoulders and pulls the papers away a bit
“It’s unofficial.”
Those were the only two words Neil needed to be persuaded. He briefly thought of his little ragtag group. He didn’t want to leave them but something was tugging at him to stay. He picked up his phone and walked onto the balcony. Andrew stayed sat, looking small as always in his chair but so intimidating, but watched Neil close the door and call someone
Matt and Dan just tell Neil he has to do what he has to do, Allison asks him to get some new clothes and Neil laughs
Andrew takes him back to Columbia and moves him in to a spare room
All Neil has is a duffel and inconspicuous clothing and a metal lock box. Andrew leaves him alone s he tucks the box away and folds the clothes into a drawer and just stands awkwardly as Andrew has his arms folded over in the doorway
Nicky and Aaron come home two days later when the business is concluded and find Neil in the kitchen and Andrew with a pint of ice cream. Aaron rolls his eyes at Andrew and Nicky tries to scold him but Andrew ignores it and carries on eating. Nicky and Aaron seem to take Neil’s appearance in their stride but fire rapid German at each other, not knowing Neil understands them perfectly, and he shifts a little at the mention of him and if only Erik wasn’t in the picture but he covers it by taking a drink
And slowly the relationship between them builds. And Neil is always free to go and he does so, coming and going as he pleases, helping with cons but always coming back to Andrew and his 'job’
And Neil notices little changes around the house- the fridge gets stocked with things Andrew realises Neil likes from when they’ve gone out to eat, but otherwise he’ll have what anyone else is having and not give any preference so he knows that it’s Andrew doing it. And the creepy red blanket that reminds Neil of his room when he was younger gets thrown out after Neil wakes up under it and reacts violently. And slowly his clothing builds, and he gets a suit and tie from when he’s gone to formal events with Andrew and he gets paid for his 'job’ which actually becomes a real job of running around the security department like a madman and testing everything and the unofficial job of being Andrew’s assistant cos he needs someone to look after him and Neil knows his schedule inside out
And piece by piece Andrew learns about where Neil comes from- only vague details, Neil lets Andrew fill in his own blanks- and Neil learns things about Andrew in return
And then one day Neil’s father waltzes into the offices because he heard from a friend that there was a boy there who looked almost the spitting image of his late wife there and maybe it was his son who he made everyone believe was kidnapped in a terrible robbery gone wrong- and he has a knife and he flips it open when he finds Neil and presses it into his back and threatens that he better follow or bad things will happen to him and 'the small, angry blond’
and so Neil goes. But Andrew sees him walk out and Neil leaves his jacket behind and Andrew gave him that for his birthday, but more importantly he gave his the small soft fox toy inside the pocket that Neil uses to ease his panic attacks when someone looks too much like his father and Andrew knows Neil would not leave that behind so he searches the security tapes but he can’t report Neil missing because technically Neil doesn’t exist. And Andrew is supposed to have a meeting but he is far more concerned with the whereabouts of neil to bother going to it so he spends the next day just tracking down the boy he says he hates
And when Andrew locates Neil he goes in guns blazing (and by that I mean he went in looking murderous) and Neil is just shivering in a corner and there’s dried blood in his hair and on his hands and his breathing is too shallow and rattling and Andrew comes so so close to killing someone
But he doesn’t because rotting in prison for this and the murder of his wife is a much more fitting punishment for him and honestly he just wants to take Neil to the hospital and make sure he’s ok
Matt, Dan, Allison, and Renee all turn up at the house demanding to know where Neil is because he’s been out of contact for so long but Nicky and Aaron have no idea so they just barge in and refuse to leave
and then Kevin wanders in and Kevin is just a friend of Andrew’s and works with his dad at their sports gear shop and it’s all just a mess
and then Nicky gets a text from Andrew saying he’s at the hospital and that Nicky needs to come with a change of clothes for both of them and of course everyone panic and they get to the hospital as fast as they can to find andrew in a navy t-shirt that has dark stains on that would obviously be blood if the shirt was any other colour and bits of hair matted together from dried blood of Neil’s when he ran his hands through his hair and Andrew just looks a mess
and when they get neil home everyone is just like- stay in bed idiot and he keeps saying that he’s fine in Andrew says that he hates him, as he always does, but there’s a lot of Neil centric food and drinks around the house now and always in his room or within his reach and they all slowly help Neil heal and Andrew is there for him and they’ve learnt each other’s quirks. And everyone moves into the house and they all get jobs and stop hustling
Dan and Matt get married just before Neil’s father’s trial
which is hell to go through but he goes down for 25-life
and everyone can finally live in peace
slowly everyone starts moving out of the house in Columbia until it’s just Neil and Andrew. Nicky moved to Germany to be with Erik and heads up a branch of Fox Tech there. Aaron moves to the west coast with Katelyn to head up the offices over there. Dan and Matt move to New York after Dan gets a job offer up there, and Allison and Renee stay in Columbia but leave the house- Allison in Fox tech marketing and Renee working in the library- she especially loves the children’ reading times- and being a general amazing mother type to everyone and she forces them all the nether for the holidays and makes them all take trips together places just to stay close
and Andrew and Neil get the cats
and life goes on and Neil can finally relax. They hit a rough patch when Neil’s father dies in a fight in prison after some of the inmates hear what he did to his wife and son and Neil kind of blames himself but Andrew stops him
and eventually they live happily

Warren Ellis at Thingscon

++

In May of 2015, I gave an opening keynote at Thingscon, an Internet of Things conference. Given that the internet’s been fucked this week largely because a million crappy IoT products got hacked, I was reminded of that fun day in Berlin. And, well, I’m not cheerful today and I have a tv script to rewrite, so: here’s the text of that keynote. See you next week.  Unless 2016 comes for me too.

++


Here we are at the beginning of a conference about things.  Which sounds vaguely like the top of an episode of COMMUNITY.  Ladders 101, Advanced Breath Holding, Conference About Things.  But we mean the Internet Of Things, which is the phrase we use to point at the idea of networked environments and objects.  This contains the idea of “smart homes.”  “Smart” is a loanword for us, one of those invasive American things, like squirrels or a preference for anal sex, that’s sneaked into English off a cargo boat and eaten the native counterpart.  Smart means clever now.  Smart used to mean well-dressed, back in the days where living in crappy blue jeans and a t-shirt off CafePress was a sign of concern and a cry for help rather than a uniform for an entire class.

Language has taken a turn.  The term “Internet Of Things” is a desperate attempt to make a pointer for a field that barely exists yet.  We do this a lot these days.  We use the word “television” to point at a field of industry that doesn’t particularly use television sets anymore.  We use the word “telephone” for a class of mobile devices that we very rarely use telephonically anymore.  And we act like the term “Internet Of Things” makes sense for the field we’re trying to define.  And, unless the modern internet was originally biological in nature, it was always an internet of things.  I always got my internet out of boxes of various kinds.  Didn’t you?  If you think Internet of Things is a good name, did you previously obtain your connection through whalesong or echolocation?  Did you pour Soylent on your Internet Lobe to get online?  Did you send your packets by raven? It’s always been an internet of things, and you people have never been any good at naming stuff, and that’s how we ended up with “tweets.”

I have to confess something.  The conference organisers brought me here with the specific brief to shout at you.  Probably because a lot of you are too interested in building crap.  Too many of you just shrug when you hear that a smarthomes service has shut down overnight.  You even use the word “service” without really understanding it.  You don’t really want to have to handle customers, “customer” being the word for human beings who have expressed trust in your expertise and conscientiousness using their own money.  Many of you have never done time in retail, and learned the principles of delighting the customer, nor utilities, where you will never hear from a customer until something goes wrong and the victory condition is silence.  There’s no dopamine hit in utilities.  Don’t do utilities if you want to be loved.  Don’t do retail if you can’t handle having the insanity of the human race rubbed in your face every day.

Some of you are quite relaxed right now, because you have no intent of doing either.  Some of you just want to build a gadget or a process, soft launch it, get your story on Techcrunch, wrangle the thousand people you’ve gulled into buying it via Get Satisfaction dot com and wait until someone buys you out.  Look around.  There are people in this room who are just doing it for the exit.  And, when they get it, suddenly a thousand people will discover that their lightbulbs no longer work, or they can’t heat their home, or they can’t get into their front door.

These are perhaps minor stakes, to you.  And, yes, there is probably something wrong with anybody who outsources the operation of their front door to three gormless children in a Mission District startup who spend most of their seed capital on Uber and artisanal toast.  They probably got the idea over three of those awful IPA beers from Portland.  Uber for front doors!  Dude, we’re geniuses.  Order more toast.

But they’re not minor stakes to the people outside this room.  In order to pursue this field, you will inevitably be asking for entrance into people’s homes.  You can’t just allow yourself to be invited in, and then fuck around in my fusebox for an hour, set the fridge on fire, take a shit on my floor and shrug and say “oh, well, that didn’t work out!  Move fast and break things, right?” and leave.  I mean, not without me murdering you and composting your body, crap t-shirt and all.

When my Internet Thing stops working, I can go downstairs, put some music on and read a book until it comes back on.  When my Internet House stops working, that’s a different story.  The stakes are exponentially higher than providing a web or app based service.  “Buyer, beware” is a warning to the consumer about mindful purchasing, not an operating principle for a company to live by.

And, like I say, there are people in this room who don’t care.  You will meet other people in the same general field who don’t care.  They’re looking for the exit.  And they will be the people who strangle this field in its crib. Same people who put Augmented Reality into a cellular coma for five years by using their skills to provide ways for estate agents to sell you houses.  Have you noticed how the term B2B, business-to-business, has crept back after apparently dying in the bubble-burst of 2000?  I did a tech conference panel in 2000 about online narrative forms – it was me and a guy from Aardman Animation – and someone stood up and said, “What are the B2B applications?”  The moderator, bless him, said, no, we’re talking about storytelling.  And that someone and about half the room stood up and left.  That’s coming back.   It’s easier than running a utility.

It’s hard.  Don’t get me wrong.  I know it’s hard.  And Samsung and Apple and several other large corporations want in on it.  On the bright side, that will give you lots of exit opportunities, and soon you could be drinking cocktails in Bali while Amazon deals with the backlash from the smart doorlock you sold them that still doesn’t work properly.  And they’ll spend the money on iteration until the device either goes away or starts working properly, and the users will have to buy Amazon Prime membership for their houses.  And then someone will hack your house through the buggy wifi thermostat you bought, and your house will start ordering DOWNTON ABBEY downloads and you’ll come home to find it’s 40 Celsius indoors and the sink is flooded and your fridge has been turned into a porn spambot and you’ll realise that your house is masturbating to DOWNTON ABBEY.

If you can get in the front door.

The state of the internet of house things is that most of it doesn’t work.  It’s still easier to get up and operate a light switch than it is to operate a smart light from your phone, and, like most things that are interesting to me right now, special skills are still required to set most things up.  And that’s an important point.  If you are intending to think about and build networked home devices, they by definition are for the people who are not in this room.  Nobody is going to learn to code just to operate their house lights.  There is no necessary learning curve for lights.  If I need electrical skills beyond plugging in a lightbulb, then I’m afraid it’s not me, it’s you.  This is a traditional sticking point for the tech community, not least because there’s a traditional lack of understanding going on about how service industries work.  When was the last time you ordered a coffee and the barista told you to come behind the counter and learn how to operate the coffee machines yourself because you need to understand the system in order to appreciate it?  That said, this is Berlin, so that might have happened.  STILL.  I stand by the metaphor.  As you go forward into today, be aware that people should not have to be Torvalds or Tesla to make your processes work.

You’re talking about entering people’s homes, today.  That’s big.  That’s complex.  For most people, allowing new objects into their homes is a real decision.  And if it makes living in their homes harder and more frustrating, they just toss that shit out.  You all know that, because you do it too, but thinking about IOT can make you forget.  And your expertise can lead you into the illusion that things that are easy for you are easy for everybody.  We don’t let just anyone into our homes.  We have to be convinced of their value and safety.

Imagine that we’re talking about an Internet of Homes.  Let that focus you.  The English word “home” comes from a proto-Germanic word that meant both home and village, and an Old Norse word that meant both home and world.   Don’t be flippant about the move towards people’s homes.  I’ve been flippant enough this morning for all of us.  Making a world out of someone’s home is big, because their home means the world to them.

What you’re doing is big.  What you’re doing is important, and we need it to work.  The ideas you will bring to bear will change the way we live.  This is a wonder.  This may be the last thing in the current consumer technological cycle that has meaning.  You are taking a position of bringing forth a future that really has only lived in science fiction, like the flying car or the jetpack, and making it concrete and wonderful and commonplace.  You’re inventing an entire field and an entire way of living in private.  That’s an amazing thing.  When Edison iterated that tiny thing that changed the way we live, the cheap and simple mass-produced electric light bulb, people called him a wizard.  He was the actual Wizard Of Menlo Park, and he turned the world on its head to the degree that, he said, henceforth “only the rich will burn candles.”  You are gathered here today to do the work of wizards, and draw down a future where light switches will only be flicked by the servants of the wealthy as a sign of their fortune.  Wouldn’t that be an interesting place to live?  Where the way we live now was preserved only as a pretension of the aristocracy?   A Downton Abbey of heaters that don’t know when you’re home and having to start the slow cooker by, my god, TOUCHING it like a fucking cave dweller.  Archaic, museum-quality rooms that are so antiquated that they can’t even see you.

Being wizards, by the way, doesn’t give you a good reason to be arcane.  Secret wizards are no use to anybody.   I’m not going to sacrifice a chicken to my wifi router for you or anybody.  Carry this with you today: most of your users will be as stupid as me.  That’s a difficult bar, because I am really quite stupid.  But that’s your challenge.  Imagine a middle-aged man who wants to hit people when they say “playful learning” and views anyone who shows up with a breadboard and circuitry as either dangerous or deficient.   Who scowls at his tv remote, on the rare occasions that he’s allowed to watch television unsupervised.  I haven’t finished learning English yet, so I’m not going to learn Ruby.  I get angry at vacuum cleaners.  I own a tumbledryer so old that it is haunted.  Laugh at me.  Mock me.  Understand that I have disposable income and am interested in your products and services.  I am your worst nightmare: I am your most likely customer and I delete apps from my phone when they require more than three taps to achieve one action.

The glorious, valuable thing you’re going to do is invent this field and then tame it for the rest of us.  Doing half the job is going to be much, much worse than not doing it at all.   Most people, in most tech fields, only do half the job.  You are going to do better.  We need you to be brave in your thinking and engineering, but, more, we need you to be committed.  And you’re going to.  You’re here in the room.  You’re surrounded by people who have, generally, the same goal.  And the ones who don’t share that goal?  You will detect them quickly, and together we can burn their bodies outside.  We can murder them and burn them as an offering to the wizards of old, who just wanted to make the future so simple and affordable and ordinarily magical that everyone could have it and hold it and use it.

We need you to do that.  We’re relying on you to get it right.  So get to work.

If You Love Me

this is part 1/3 of Jealous!Soul: the trilogy, formally called If You Love Me Let Me Know, which can also be found on ffn and ao3. a huge shout out to ProMa, Lunar, Ash, and Bendy for looking this over.

Summary: When another weapon asks Maka out on a date, Soul has to work through his own feelings of jealousy and loyalty as he watches the one he loves slipping away. But is it really too late?


A pigtail dangles into view first on the other side of his doorway, at the edge of his vision, followed by a groomed brow and the delicate curve of a rosy cheek. She’s not as inconspicuous as she thinks. But then again, he doesn’t need to see scarred fingers curling around the doorframe or half of a face peering into his room to know it’s Maka. He feels her like a sixth sense.

She pauses, blinking once, twice —

“Hey, Soul?” She is the harmony of silence. “I’m getting ready for my date. Can you help me curl my hair?”

Snark is his armor: “Does this look like a hair salon to you?”

Determined not to look into her pleading green eyes, he abandons plucking at strings that have calloused the pads of his fingers to wave around his room, pointing out his posters and weird knickknacks. Certainly his acoustic guitar is not as interesting as Maka, but he’s invested an entire week of attention to it since learning of her unexpected curiosity about dating. While redirecting his energy to ignoring the envy gnawing at his insides may not be the greatest coping mechanism, it’s a marker of his personal growth that he hasn’t sought comfort in lazing around, snarling bitterly and sulking.

Please?” The way she enunciates these words breaks his will.

“Bring your thingy,” he relents, setting the guitar aside and wringing his hands in preparation for handling stick straight golden hair. Surely she absorbs sunlight like a flower, and he only hopes he’s worthy of touching such heaven.

Flashing a vibrant smile, she vanishes down the hallway as quickly as she appeared, socks muffling her footfalls. “It’s called a curling iron!”

And like always, he’s left with the aftershock of both boxing away his feelings and making space for them. Little moments like these highlight how undeniably, incurably, and rampant his feelings for Maka have grown. Every gentle word and soft look she gifts him only nurtures the longing he perpetually fails to smother.

Envy and regret might corrupt him.

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Bears and Babies

Tony’s fairly sure that his life devolved into comic book madness, though he has a much cooler costume and more smarts than the Batguy, the moment he announced he was Iron Man.  That was a given.  He knew what he was getting into (more or less, sometimes more, sometimes less), he’d been preparing himself for it and look, he’s supposed to get Major Points for not invoking the tired old cliche of the Super Sekrit Identity Thing. 

He’s just not sure when the hell Ewoks got involved. 

And then Thor, gods of other pantheons help them all, was muttering something about the legendary “Wars of the Stars” and that this “knave George Lucas” somehow got something wrong with the prequel trilogy.  Of course he did.  But! Anyway!

So yeah.  Ewoks.  IN NEW YORK.  IN BROOKLYN. 

Also - IN TONY’S VERY OWN TOWER.

“Yub! Yub!”

“Wickett, please try not to drop Kitty! Watch her head!”

There was an offended growl.  Apparently, Ewoks did not take kindly to having their babysitting skills questioned. 

The baby currently being cuddled by an alien teddy bear squealed happily.

“Yeah, you two might be giving me all the innocent looks you want now but I’m not saving you from your Mama Bucky’s wrath if somebody gets hurt!”

There was another joyful squeal. 

Cap, predictably, melted.

So there needs must be an explanation for the babies.  Tony has to start with the babies because… Ewoks.  Brain hurt.  Brain hurt very much and Pepper was much too busy keeping Stark Industries floating to worry about Tony’s hurting brain and failing sanity. 

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Where the Line Blurs: Hidden Past

Steve’s POV

“What do you have Sam?” I asked as I walked into my floor of the tower. I noted that Coulson was still here along with Sam, Natasha and Sharon.

“She alright?” Natasha asked me with a worried expression from her spot on my couch.

I nodded and glanced at my watch. Damn. I had been gone for about two hours. “Yeah. I just lost track of time. What did your buddy find?” I asked as I looked at Sam who was standing leaning against the kitchen counter.

I ignored the questioning look that Natasha was giving me and headed towards Sam who was holding out a folder for me.

“Yeah, looks like your boy has been bouncing around quite a bit.” Sam says handing me a folder. “He’s still looking into that. However thanks to Nat’s leaking everything that S.HI.E.L.D has onto the internet my buddy was able to get some information on Y/N.” Sam says shaking his head.

I open the folder and see blurry photos of Bucky but nothing else in the file. I sighed knowing it was going to take a long time for me to find Bucky. “What did he find on her?” I asked knowing that it was wrong of me to be snooping.

Sharon moved away from her place by my fridge and towards me. “What did she tell you about herself?” Sharon questioned as she came to peer over my left shoulder to look at the file Sam handed me on Bucky.

I shrugged. “Not really that much. She told me she grew up in the Midwest, did not tell me where. She also said that her parents were S.H.I.E.L.D agents who were killed on a mission.” I said making sure not to mention the nickname part knowing that Y/N probably would have erased or found someone erase anything that was incriminating of her. Also if it was not in the file Sam had it meant that she was telling the truth to me and just did not want everyone else to know.

Sam nodded and opened up the folder that he still had in his hand. “That’s actually all true according to what my buddy found. I mean this is more detailed but still her facts are on point.” Sam says as he scans through the file. “She actually grew up in a really small town called Fish Creek in Wisconsin with some sort of nanny that took care of her, since her parents were away a lot. Her parents were killed in a undercover operation that went bad along with two of their other colleagues when she was six years old. Um…” Sam says flipping through pages of the rather thin file. “Then there’s nothing. According to other files he found the nanny reported her missing but the case ran cold since there were no leads. According to the officer report they thought she ran away.” He says looking up at me. “Literally she just disappeared at six years old and reappeared years later. Even her missions as an S.H.I.E.L.D agent have disappeared.” Sam says.

I nod. “That’s a more detailed description of what she told me but it does not seem like she is lying.” I say and glance at Natasha out of the corner of my eye to see that she stood rigid. Did she know about the whole Ace thing too? “You want to add anything?” I ask turning to face her fully.

Natasha quirked an eyebrow at me, “Seems Sam’s friend highlighted a lot of key points.”

I hear Sharon scoff on the other side of me. “How do we know she didn’t tailor that story? I mean she obviously removed the rest but just left that. You don’t find that a little odd Romanoff?” Sharon says crossing her arms over her chest.

I watched as Natasha stared down Sharon. It was an odd sight considering how much Natasha said that Sharon was a good person and nice.

“I did the same.” She points out coolly as she stood up from her place on the couch and slowly began to make her way over to us.

Sharon rolled her eyes. “Tha-“

“She’s not that person anymore.” Natasha says evenly without looking away from Sharon and continuing closer.

I put my right hand up to prevent her from walking closer in case she decided to beat Sharon up. “Enough both of you. Is there anything at all in her file there? Or did you find something else Coulson” I asked seeing if he just glanced over something

Coulson seemed wary about what he was going to say. “You’re not going to like it Steve.”

I rubbed my face. Yeah I already knew that. “What is it?”

“Well her missions may have disappeared from the S.H.I.EL.D leaked intel but her personal information as a S.H.I.E.L.D agent has not.” He says swallowing. “ I had Skye look into a few things and according to what she found Y/N and Rumlow were pretty friendly.” He says sliding a picture out of his pocket and handing it to me. was a picture of her sitting on Rumlow’s lap laughing.

“Friends not the word I would use Rogers.” Her words rang in my head as I turned to look at Natasha. If they weren’t friends then what did that make them?

We all turned and looked at Natasha.

She shook her head. “It is a lot more complicated than that picture makes it out to be.” She says putting her hands up in defense. “Trust me it is better to just let all of this go.” She says walking over to my fridge and pulling herself out a beer and quickly ridding it of its cap.

“You and I both know that is not going to happen.” I say crossing my own arms across my chest.
I watch as Natasha takes a long drink of the beer before moving her arm to rest at her side. “I’m not saying that they didn’t know each other but trust me…” Natasha says shaking her head. “Rumlow and her knew each other before she came to S.H.I.E.L.D. They-” Natasha shook her head again. “I never asked what went on Steve. In all honesty I do not think I want to know.”
“She knew he was a sleeper agent?” Sharon asked turning towards Natasha.

Natasha shook her head. “I do not know.” She says taking another drink of her beer.

We all stood in silence as the words sank in.

“It would be easier to dig around about her if she was around more.” Coulson says breaking the silence.

“What do you mean?” Sam asks cocking his head to the side in confusion.

“I’ll reopen my offer, not that is was off the table, but I will ask again if she will join the new S.H.I.E.L.D that way we have an eye on her at all times.” He says.
I stay silent knowing that if she found out she would be pissed off at any one who agreed. I watched as everyone, including Natasha nodded in agreement.

“Steve?” Sharon asked as they all stared at me expecting an answer.

I nod. “Only because we need answer of HYDRA.” I say knowing that I was probably making a huge mistake.

Coulson nodded and pulled out his phone. I watched as he opened his contacts and began to call someone. “Y/N…I realize that but I want a firm answer to you rejoining us….Yes I know it wa-…” He pinched his nose in aggravation. “I apologize I should have trusted you more but -…” I watched as his eyes widened in surprise. “Yes that is exactly why…Okay…Temporarily?…” I watched as he nodded his head to whatever she was saying. “That is reasonable. I will let you know more tomorrow.” He says hanging up the phone and looking up at me. “She agreed pretty easily.” He says looking past me and Sharon to Natasha.

Natasha put her hands up in surrender but glances at me. “Don’t ask me.”

I nod. What was Y/N playing at? Or was she honestly wanting a clean slate with S.H.I.E.L.D?

Y/N’s POV (17 years ago)

It has been three years since my parents death. Two years since the men showed up at my door offering me the option of revenge for the death of my parents. Offering me vengeance. Every day I had to workout both physically and mentally which only allowed me six hours to myself and usually that was to eat and sleep.

I was sent off to a secret location an academy that trained lethal weapons. Most were recruited by governments and some were good enough to free-lance and become world renowned mercenaries who worked for themselves and whoever could pay the most.

The day started with martial arts usually boxing, karate, judo, and some shape or form of Kung Fu to ensure that I was strong, fast and agile. Following I had a few hours of gymnastic and aerialist training. Then they switched to my tactical skills such as strategy, integration simulations, hacking skills, and various language skills. Then we went to practicing my marksmen ship and repeated it every single day without fail.

“Y/N! Again!” A voice commanded as I once again missed the target by three and a half inches.

I rolled my shoulders “Trisha…I’ve been doing this for three hours and haven’t missed. In fact I never miss. Can I please take a break?” I whined as I felt tears prick my eyes from exhaustion. As soon as the words left my mouth I regretted it knowing I would be receiving some shape of backlash.

Trisha was a former KGB operative who was an alumni of the academy. She is the only American to ever be a part of the Black Widow program because of her skill set. She was now a mercenary who trained students to recruit them to work for her.

“Fine you want to be done?” A different voice shouted, a masculine voice said calmly..

I turned and felt my eyes go wide at the sight of a man who only came to see the top students of the academy. It was Wolfgang con Strucker. He was one of the men most people in the graduating class wanted to be recruited by. “Kill her.” He says pointing at my instructor. The women who for the last three years of my life has taught me everything.

I swallowed as he handed me a knife and motioned for her to pick up one of her own.

“Let’s see if your skills can really be used my child.” He says stepping away.

I stared at him unsure of what he wanted. Did he want me to actually kill her? I saw her flip her knife out of the corner of my eye and knew immediately that she was willing to do whatever he asked just to please him. Or maybe it was to fulfill some sadistic desire of her own.

“To the death….” He says motioning.

Out of the corner of my eye I watched Trisha flip her knife in the air before tossing it at me. I ducked knowing that most of her throw went higher when she started without warming up. Luckily I was right and the knife ended up lodge in the wall next to the place my head had once been. She came at me and quickly used my size to my advantage and moved out of her way causing her to run into the wall and try to retrieve the knife. I used this time to move across the room. I knew she was more than willing to kill me at this point.

“You’re not going to win.” She growls out coldly. “You will join your parents soon enough kiddo.”

I knew if I angered her enough she would be caught off balance and I knew that if I hesitated Strucker would not hesitate to kill me. I watched as she came back at me and knew that she was going to try to overpower me to get me down and then stab me since she was one of the best at close combat. I was faster and a lot better at strategizing than she was even though I was only nine years old. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Strucker frown and knew he was not very pleased at the situation.

She moved just like every other time she sparred with someone and I snuck in and watched her put one of the others in the infirmary. She used her momentum and moved her knee up to my face and tried to make a grab for my head with her hand that held the knife to take me to the ground. I flipped the knife in the palm of my hand and just like she taught me I flung it straight at her heart without hesitation. The room went silent as Trisha collapsed to the ground and looked at me in horror.

“I guess you’ll be seeing them first.” I say as her head hits the floor.

I looked up and say Sturcker looked impressed. “They did say you only needed one chance.” He says smirking at me.

I cocked my head to the side. “One chance?” I asked.

His smirk widened. “Yes. They say you ace everything once you are shown how to do it and that you never miss.” He puts his hand out for me to shake. “ I am Wolgang con Strucker.”

“Y/N.” I said shaking his hand and schooling my features so he would not see me as being intimidated by him.

He laughed. “How would you like to have a real mission Ace?” He says smiling as he releases my hand.

“A mission?” I ask as I study the man who struck fear in so many.

“A test run if you will.” He says giving me a sinister smile and laugh.

anonymous asked:

fake ah crew "whoops" any pairing? xx

((first off, i know thats you @ghostrhi hello. Second thanks for the lovely prompt! Here’s lovely freewood as promised))

“Whoops.”

Gavin gives a sheepish smile as he stands above a broken mug, the tea that it once held spreading into the kitchen tiles. The newest recruit for their ragtag crew, the damn Vagabond, is standing in the entryway for the kitchen. Gavin hadn’t even noticed the other walk up. Turning around and discovering the tall man standing there is the reason the tea was spilt.

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pastelmogar  asked:

Basically, it's a Stranded Deep au where Mark gets shipwrecked (for reasons I can explain later) and spends three days on the open ocean before he reaches an island. While on the island, Mark does his best to survive, but every once in a while, will notice a shadow lurking in the water, a shark. Or so he thinks until a merman decides to stop by and say hello. Short version: Merman Jack annoys the cute human while Mark lives on an island. *jazz hands*

God u dont know how much i love this holy shit my dude.

Like this is honest to god the worst thing thats ever happened to him; its his absolute worst nightmare fully realized and the longer he sits there floating on this small piece of wreckage, the more hopeless he becomes. Theres no island in sight and he can spot the early signs of a storm heading his way. He can technically try to swim but his near-debilitating fear of the ocean prevents him from doing so.

After being stranded for 2 days with no sign of a helicopter rescue anywhere,the looming threat of a thunderstorm closing in, he gives up. He lays down on his backside and stares up at the rapidly darkening skies. Part of him wants to scream and cry, pound his fists into the wreckage with reckless abandon. How does this shit happen? How does this shit happen to GOOD people? He doesnt deserve this, no one does…

But part of him is just so at ease with the inevitable. It frightens him a little; shouldnt he be fighting? Kicking and screaming until his last breath? As the sky darkens and the stars come alive, he asks himself why hes so okay with this. Starving? Dehydrated? Has he finally lost his mind? Why is he so resigned to his fate?

As if trying to ease his guilt, he shouts for help, screaming as loud as his lungs will let him. He knows its futile and he probably wasted whatever little energy he had doing that taxing action but his conscious is a bit clearer knowing that he at least tried to help himself, tried to survive…

When he wakes up, he blankly stares up into the now beautiful blue, sunny skies with extreme confusion.

‘Am I dead?’ He questions. He looks to his left and right and gives out a long drawn out sigh when he sees nothing but water surrounding him. ‘If I am, this is fucking bullshit. Why would I still be stranded?’

He gazes at the skies above when suddenly, something clicks in his mind. The storm; its gone. Or it at least passed by him by but he quickly dismisses the idea. The storm was massive and his 'boat’ was heading straight for it. With the freezing cold air and rain, he wouldve died from hypothermia, theres no way he couldve survived it though…

“But here I am.” He mumbles. Hes still here and hes still stranded and all this does is remind him that by some sick twist of fate, his inevitable death has just been prolonged. He wants to cry, ot maybe think of some nice final thoughts before it happens but these fucking birds flying above him are cawing too loud for him to think straight.

He stills, as he realizes what he just said. Theres birds, circling above him. And if theres birds, then that means theres land nearby…

He shoots up, back ramrod straight as he frantically looks around him hoping to see some kind of land or ship standing out against the horizon. He looks behind him and fuck, if he didnt believe in a god or miracles before this moment, well… he does now.

The island is fairly close and with back facing towards it, its understandable how easily he missed it. If hr paddled for maybe 20 mins tops, he would be on the shore and finally out of the water. The entire time hes paddling hes crying his eyes out in a mix of disbelief,shock, and extreme relief.

As he gets closer, he notices that the island isnt as small as he initially thought; he might actually have to explore and see what else is inland. He spies some bushes and trees and he already sees some little sea critters scurrying around the shoreline.

The first thing he does when he stumbles onto the hot sand is collapse to his knees and laugh. He cant remember anything in his life that even compares to the overwhelming wave of happiness and relief that hes feeling in this moment.

He knows more than just the basics to survive and hes so glad he took classes and read up on different guides for worst-case scenarios. Hed admit that it was a bit dorky at the time but now that hes in a dire position to exactly what he needs to do here, he doesnt regret it.

His first night on the island is fantastic; hes hacked off some pretty big palm tree leaves for shelter and hes got fire going and some food with some to spare in the morning. For the first time in the past 4 days, hes falls asleep soundly.

The next morning, hes jolted awake by the sound of water splashing to the left of him. He snaps his attention to the sound only to see the water calm back down as if nothing had disturbed it. He hadnt noticed any other predators on land but he had completely ignored any possible ocean predators he may encounter…

Periodically throughtout the day, he would hear splashing sounds while he was out foraging. Each time, he would snap his head towards the noise but without his glasses, trying to pinpoint something so far away from him was nearly impossible. He hated the feeling that was coiling in his stomach… the feeling of someone watching him; of someone stalking their prey…

Whenever he ventured towards the sea, there was always a shadow floating right below the surface and everytime he would try and walk towards it, it would dash away into the ocean depths.

After a couple of days, he decided to try and risk fishing; theyre were super healthy and if he managed to be able to fish properly, he would last alot longer than with a diet of just coconuts and crabs. Besides, whatevers been 'stalking’ him is honestly too scared to attack him when he’s conscious, hell be fine.

Except, chucking a makeshift spear in the water to try and catch a fish is way fucking harder than he imagined. He had the tools just not the proper skill and if he wanted to survive out here long, he was gonna have to learn real quick. For now though, he gives up and decides to try his hand at it tomorrow.

When he wakes up the next day, he picks up his spear and heads for the ocean again. Hell give it one more shot and if he cant do it, hell go foraging for more supplies and just try again later. As he approaches the water, he notices not one, but two decent sized fish laying in the hot sand. They havent been out here for long he notes as he eyes the huge watery trail behind them thats yet to dry up in the morning sun.

As he stares at the fish he hears a splashing sound ahead of him. He glances up only to see the tail end of a fish quickly swimig away from him. Did they see him coming and accidentally drop their meal in a panic? Well, it doesnt matter how he got the fish, what matters is that he has the fish and he has an extra meal for later.

This strange occurence happens every morning and afternoon for the next 3 days. Hell go and try to fish at the crack of dawn only to have some already sitting there in a pile. In the the late afternoon, another pile. He feels like, someone is trying to help him… and he is so sure hes gone crazy at this point to even consider it but he cant explain why theres food just laying there for him every morning and evening as if to make sure hes never on an empty stomach…

Hes so determined to understand whats happening and hes willing to risk his own damn life to do so.

Instead of sleeping by the trees inland, he pulls his makeshift cot by the ocean water and prepare himself for the worst. He slides underneath it and falls asleep.

When morning comes, rather than waking up, he sits there absolutely still as he breaths as slowly he physically can. He hears a splash and he squashes his instinct to flinch at the sound.

He can he chattering and clicking as the creature swims back and forth from the water to shoreline. On the third trip, Mark takes a deep breath and flips over, lunging at the creature with his bare hands. The second the adrenine pumping through his veins dies down, he notices that whatever this thing is is green. Well its hair is green…

The creature is staring at him with wide eyes, crippling fear etched onto its features as they nervously click in the back of their throat. Mark looks down at what hes grabbed and realizes that hes grabbed the wrists… of a fish…

It doesnt take him long to realize that its a fucking mermaid, that much is obvious but he has no idea what it want with him. But theyve clearly been helping him for the past week or so, and for that he nods his head in approval.

“Thank you” he forces out, his voice raspy and dry from lack of use. He lets go of the mermaids wrists, unclear of what to do at the moment and from the look of it, the mermaid is just as confused.

“You asked for help…” It muttered, eyes wide as he spoke. The clicking noises in the back of his throat have subsided and now Mark can hear his voice clearly now.

“Help?” He questions. He honestly cant remember saying anything since he got here.

The mermaid quickly nods his head.

“Yeah, in the water, you were on a boat and you yelled at someone to help you. I was gonna swim away because of the storm but when i heard you, i turned around and dragged you with me.”

Mark stares at him and smiles. “That was you? I knew i wasnt supposed to survive that but not i know why…” He laughs and rakes his hand through his hair.

“I cant believe that worked, i cant believe-”

He looks at Jack and gives him a soft smile. “Thank you…” Mark leaves the sentence openended…

The mermaid takes the hint and shouts “Oh!”

“Jack, m'names Jack.” And yours?

“Mark. Just, yeah just Mark.”

The Worthy

This is a crossover scene, two scenes technically, that I wrote a while back, between watching Leverage and The Librarian movies and watching The Librarians show, and polished up for Character Appreciation Week. It is not canon compatible for… reasons. If you’ve seen The Librarians you know why. If not I won’t spoil it. (And if you like Eliot enough to be reading fanfiction about him, you should definitely go watch The Librarians, if only for Jake Stone.) Basically it’s anEliot appreciation piece because… actually I think “because he is Eliot” pretty much covers it. There are vague spoilers for both stories here, but nothing overly specific.


(When the rest of the team is in danger, Eliot needs to use Excalibur to save them.)

Eliot stared at the sword lodged in the stone for a long moment. He was the only one of the team that hadn’t tried, and failed, to pull it out earlier.

“The way I see it,” he said finally “you have a personality, at least with Flynn, so I think you got at least some say in who uses you. It didn’t matter before because only the worthy can wield you. I’m sittin’ here bearin’ my soul to a sword so it’s possible I’m crazier than Parker, but I’m not that crazy. I’m not under the delusion that I’m worthy. But the people I’m goin’ to save are. They’re the worthiest part of me and I need… I need your help gettin’ ‘em back. So please, help me save them, just this once.”

He reached out hesitantly and the sword sprung a few inches into his hand of its own volition.

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many mothers

I already reblogged a thing about Mad Max: Fury Road and Avengers: Age of Ultron and the contrast between how they deal with motherhood, infertility and what it means to be a woman.

It’s surreal to think that these two movies came out just two weeks apart from one another in the US. In a way I feel a little bit sorry for AoU, because it would have looked like a perfectly okay summer blockbuster if Fury Road hadn’t come barreling down right on its tail and smashed all our pathetic lowball expectations to flaming shards in the sand.

When AoU came out, I had a lot of discussions with people about Natasha’s plotline. Because my gut reaction was certainly a massive eyeroll that the one female Avenger’s deep, dark secret is that she can’t have babies. But also, it’s not like a story about a woman who underwent forced sterilization is something we shouldn’t care about. (And in the US, this is a particular form of restriction of reproductive rights that’s disproportionately affected poor women of color.) And if she internalized the line that was fed to her, that she couldn’t be both a killer and a mother, that certainly doesn’t make it her fault.

But it still frustrated me, and my frustrations were really, really well articulated by this article. You should go and read the whole thing, because it’s excellent. But this is the relevant quote:

There’s nothing wrong with stories about women who are housewives or stories about women who struggle because they were forcibly prevented from having kids as a condition of whatever mission they chose to undertake. The problem is that with so few women in superhero movies, each of these portrayals stands not only for the choices Whedon made, but for all the choices he and many others didn’t and don’t make. The portrayals of Natasha and Laura rankle at some level, for me, not because they are stories about a woman traumatized by not having children and a woman waiting for her husband to come home, but because it’s another story about those two women rather than any of the other bazillion women who could exist in this universe and don’t. If you had five butt-kicking women in this movie, it would seem perfectly logical that one of them might have a story related to getting pregnant or not. Why wouldn’t she?

These, for me, are scarcity problems. They are problems because there are so few opportunities to show women in action blockbusters that I tend to crave something very much capable of moving discussions of what those portrayals can be like forward.

…Scarcity will always drive us back to these same conversations about how every woman carries the obligation to represent What This Director Thinks Women Are For, and absolutely no answer to that question will ever be a good answer.

I think this is an interesting discussion in the context of Fury Road, because, intentionally or not, the movie takes on the scarcity problem in a couple of different ways.

On the most basic level, it gives us lots of women. In a context where studies have found that even background crowds in movies are on average only 17% women, Fury Road is FULL of women. Young women. Old women. Women who are disabled. Women who are physically strong and as skilled with weapons and vehicles as any of the men in their world. Women who are not physically strong but fight anyway. 80-year-old women who ride motorbikes and talk about all the kill shots they’ve made.

Look at the shot at the top of this post. Twelve women on screen at once! That’s more women in a single frame that some movies have speaking parts for.

Max may have his name on the title card, but he spends the movie surrounded by women. Team War Rig starts out as one man and six women; later it’s two men and five women; then it gets supplemented by a bunch more women in the third act. It’s almost an exact flip of the 20% rule of thumb, where one woman for every four men seems normal.

But Fury Road deals with the scarcity problem in another way, too, one that I think is particularly important given the film’s content. It gives us six women all reacting to the same circumstances of slavery and sexual violence, and allows them to have different, individualized, and sometimes contradictory reactions, all of which are presented as valid.

So we have Toast, who counts bullets and loads weapons, who hacks off her hair to spite Joe, who grabs his gun at a key moment and gets pistol-whipped for it, who spits on his corpse when he’s dead. Angharad, who self-injures, who uses her status as Joe’s favorite against him, who can be fearless, or reckless, with her own body, but also clings to nonviolence even when that tactic has limitations in a violent world, who stops Furiosa from killing Nux, but then pushes him out of a moving vehicle seconds later. Capable, who holds onto kindness, understanding and compassion, despite all the violence around her, who trusts Nux when Furiosa is pointing a gun at him and growling, “Get out,” and proves to be correct in her instincts. Dag, who retreats into her own head, but is often the first to sense danger, who hurls insults at her abuser, and also at Max while he’s pointing a gun at them. Cheedo, who gets scared and tries to run back to the person who hurt her, but then later uses her perceived fragility as a weapon. And Furiosa, who holds on to her rage even as she fights her way up the ranks to become Joe’s trusted lieutenant, and finally uses it to end him.

And none of these reactions are treated as better or worse or right or wrong or the correct way to be a survivor of violence. It’s okay to be angry; it’s okay to be kind; it’s okay to be scared. Because there are so many women in the movie, each one of them gets to be a unique character instead of an avatar of What This Director Thinks Women Are For.

Extend that to all of filmmaking, and to all the many kinds of identities that are underrepresented on screen today. That’s how you deal with the scarcity problem.