Auston Matthews - Part 11
Because I love you all so so much, and I feel bad for not posting a few days in a row. Here’s a second post for today and it’s hella long so I apologize if you don’t like long posts. Thank you so much for all the love and support, I hope I’m making this story fun and maybe making you go a little insane?
Word count: 2949
For the second day in a row, Mrs. Matthews wakes me gently, touching my forehead and whispering to me that it’s time to get up. I groan and push my face into my pillow, while I hear Mrs. Matthews and someone else laugh quietly. I peek up and see Auston standing in the kitchen, already dressed for the day in a suit, I ogle at him for a moment since he hasn’t noticed me staring yet. Instagram just doesn’t do him justice. The suit is tight in all the right places, its design sleek and cool. My eyes go from his head to his feet and back again, only I meet a pair of brown eyes instead.
Auston gives me a smirk and before I can even blush, he turns his back to me and bends over to grab something from a drawer, and I’m blessed with the full view of his ass in perfectly tailored pants. My jaw drops in shock from A: the fact that he actually just did that and B: the fact that he actually just did that. He emerges from the drawer emptyhanded and meets my gaze again. I narrow my eyes at him and decide that because Alex and Breyana are still asleep and Mrs. Matthews has returned to her bedroom, that two can easily play that game.
I shimmy out of bed and after making sure Auston is still facing me, although his attention is on something on the counter in front of him, stand slowly. I stretch my hands slowly above my head, my shirt coming up slightly and exposing my midriff, I tighten my leg muscles and bend my back. Once thoroughly “stretched out,” I drop my bands to my side and turn to face Auston. His head is still tilted down towards the counter but his eyes are on me, his expression unreadable.
“Morning,” I say cheerfully at him as I pass by the counter to go towards the bathroom. I supposed there are worse ways to wake up.
Twenty minutes later I’m standing at the door with Mrs. Matthews, waiting for Auston to put his coat on so we can go.
“Call me after you get done,” Mrs. Matthews is saying, her hand running through my now straightened hair. “After you call your parents of course,” she adds.
“Ema, I’ll call you right away,” I reassure her for the hundredth time.
She gives me a tight smile, and I swear there’s tears in her eyes.
“You know how proud we are of you sweetheart, always so proud,” she whispers and pulls me in for a hug. I feel tears well in my eyes and blink rapidly, I am not about to ruin my makeup for a few tears.
“I know, and I love you for it,” I mumble back, a little embarrassed, but feeling more love than ever.
She squeezes me once more and then hugs Auston, probably so he doesn’t feel left out.
Auston opens the door and ushers me out. I wink at Mrs. Matthews and give her a reassuring smile.
“I’ll see you in a bit,” I say before Auston follows me out the door.
“I swear she loves you more than she does me,” Auston says as we make our way to the elevator.
“Can you blame her?” I tease back, pressing the button to call the elevator.
“I suppose I can’t, I should probably ask for my pucks back,” he replies and I can’t help but laugh.
Once we make it outside, he opens the car door for me again.
“You look nice by the way,” he says, gesturing to my outfit, but I think he’s referring to my skirt more than anything else, even if I am wearing tights.
“Nice suit,” I say as I climb down into my seat. “You’ll have to give me the name of your tailor.”
He eyes me for a moment before closing the door with a laugh.
We ride in mostly silence to the university, the nerves setting in. We are pulling around the university towards the building that I need when Auston breaks the silence.
“Y/N, relax. Your jaw has been clenched for the past five minutes,” he says, as he pulls up in front of the building and shifting into park.
I tell myself to grab the door and climb out, but my body refuses to cooperate.
Auston sits there a moment as I try and fail to compose myself, there’s a tightness in my chest that I just can’t seem to get rid of. He reaches over and takes my hand off my lap and into both of his.
“Y/N, look at me,” he says softly and I slowly am able to do what he says. His eyes are serious as he rubs my hand between his own. “Calm down, breathe.” I still can’t seem to get my jaw to relax. “Breathe.” He repeats and again I try, but can’t. He leans towards me, his face inches from mine, and his breath on my face as he repeats himself once more. “Breathe.”
Finally my body listens and I suck in a deep, shaky breath.
“There you go,” he says, his face still close to mine.
“Thank you,” I whisper, squeezing his hands with mine.
“You’re welcome. Now, if you’re ready, get your butt inside and decide if these guys are even worth your time,” he nods toward the building behind me.
I laugh and nod before leaning in and kissing his cheek lightly.
Auston’s cheeks turn a faint pink and his eyes go to my mouth as I pull away. I part my lips slightly and just like that, the entire temperature changes in the car. I can feel every nerve in my body standing on end, like a lightning bolt went through me. We both breathe in deeply and I have to pull myself back, which is agonizing, another moment broken.
“Text me when you’re done, I’ll come pick you up, the rink is literally nine minutes away,” he says relaxing back into his seat, although my hand is still between his.
“Yeah, okay,” I mutter, still recovering my voice. I gently pull my hand away and grab the car door.
“You don’t need it, but good luck,” he adds, his hand grazing my back as I step out into the cool Toronto air.
I lean back down and smile at him, “Thank you, Auston. I’ll see you in a bit.”
He winks at me and I close the car door and step onto the curb, pulling my purse up higher on my shoulder. I stare up at the great doors of the building in front of me. I take in a deep breath and square my shoulders, the heels of my shoes clicking on the stone steps as I make my way up, ready for whatever may be through those doors.
Mom checks her phone for the twentieth time in the last hour as we sit around the T.V. in the living room. Auston is still at morning skate and Y/N has yet to call or text. I’m not worried about Y/N at all, but I’m starting to get bored. Having Auston around is always a lot more fun and looking at the clock, he should have been home about thirty minutes ago. So, I pull out my phone and send him a text.
When r u coming home?
I wait a moment before his reply comes.
Waiting for Y/N
I slowly smile and look up at Breyana who notices, I show her the screen and the same smile forms on her face as another message appears in front of me.
So I don’t have to come back for her
Right, just trying to save gas I’m sure…
What’s the supposed to mean?
It meant something!!
U know, we r more than capable of going and getting Y/N ourselves…
Yeah, but it’s on my way home
No its not?
It’s not but im already out. Shut up
Breyana and I break into a fit of giggles.
“He likes her!” Breyana exclaims and mom looks over, dad indifferent as ever and ignores us.
“Who likes who?” Mom asks, squinting at us.
“Oh, no one who know, mom. Friends from school,” Breyana replies, always super smooth with the poker face and mom nods, her attention back to her own phone.
Breyana and I exchange a glance and I text out one more message to Auston.
Remember I found her first, u can’t steal her
The little bubbles appear as he types something but then they disappear, apparently he thought better than to text me back. Breyana and I spend the next several minutes whispering about Y/N and Auston. Then mom’s phone rings and she about falls of the couch in her eagerness to answer.
“Y/N! How did it go?”
“It went pretty good,” I say, walking through the hallway to the main doors I walked in, my voice echoing off the walls, but I don’t care there is literally no one remotely close to me. “I already called my parents and told them everything but, they offered to pay my tuition, housing and to even start paying me after my first semester here, as long as everything goes as planned.”
“Oh, Y/N, that’s so great!” Mrs. Matthews exclaims through the phone. Luckily, she isn’t with me to see the fact that I’m not smiling whatsoever and that there are dried tear streaks down my face. “We should go out for lunch to celebrate!”
“Oh, no that’s okay, Auston has a game later and we will go out for diner after that. Really, its okay,” I say quickly, my phone vibrates as Auston sends me a text back that he’s on his way.
“No, we are going someplace, doesn’t have to be lunch, we can go get cheesecake for something,” Mrs. Matthews demands through the phone and I know there’s no point in arguing with her. “Auston can drop you off with us and go home and take his pre-game nap in peace.” She keeps talking but my throat closes up.
“Yeah, okay, great,” I mutter and she goes silent on the other end of the phone.
“Is everything okay?” She asks, this time much softer and her mother tone is back.
“Yeah, just a lot of stairs,” I say, trying to keep the tears out of my voice. “Decide where you want to go and text me, I’ll meet you there.”
“Okay,” again her tone very soft and I’m not sure I convinced her completely that I’m okay.
“Alright, I gotta call one more person,” I say and after we say goodbye, I hang up the phone and shove it back in my purse, just a little bit of guilt that I promised Mrs. Poe I would call her right away. It was hard enough talking to my parents and Mrs. Matthews without breaking down.
I hurry down the stone steps to the great doors that I had first walked in which seems suddenly like a lifetime ago, when it was only three hours. I wipe angrily at the tears streaming down my face, talking to Mrs. Matthews had pushed me over the edge and I could feel another panic attack settling in.
Stop freaking out. Stop freaking the fuck out.
I repeat those words over and over again in my head and burst through the great doors, a little more dramatically than I would have liked. Moments later Auston’s car turns the corner and I try to compose my face as I rush down the stairs.
Do not let him see you cry. Do not cry in front of him.
Auston pulls to a stop in front of me and I quickly climb in, trying my best not to directly look him in the face.
“How did it go?” Auston asks, not putting the car into gear and pulling away like I needed him to.
I freeze, halfway between clicking my seatbelt into place. I take a deep breath and I feel myself breaking, I turn my face to him and meet his excited brown eyes and watch the spark in them disappear the moment he gets a look at my face.
“Y/N, what’s wrong? What happened?” He asks, his hand reaching out and his thumb gently wipes away a smear of makeup on my face, I unconsciously lean into his hand. When I don’t say anything for a moment he takes my face and makes me look at him. “Y/N, talk to me, please.”
After a moment of me catching my breath, I answer.
“I got everything I asked for. Everything I wanted.”
Auston gives me a confused look, trying to understand.
“But these don’t look like happy tears, they look like miserable tears.”
Again, his thumb gently wipes away another stray tear.
“I know, I’m being stupid. It’s just… I….” I break off, a quiet sob racking over my body.
“It’s just what? Keep talking to me, Y/N.”
I hesitate for another moment, but I know I have to tell someone or else I might shatter into a million pieces.
“It’s everything I want but I’m terrified. I’m scared to leave home. I’ve never ever been someplace where I’m more than thirty minutes from someone I love. Even on vacations to Arizona, I was with your family, with Alex and now they are going to be even farther away. My parents are going to be all the way in Ann Arbor, my dad even farther away when he goes on scouting trips across the league. I have literally no one in Toronto. No one. I’ll be completely alone and as much as I love this program here and as much as I want it, I just can’t.” I pull in a shaky breath, as I prepare to say more.
“I’m letting everyone down. Your mom was right, no twenty-one year old should have this much pressure on them to do something that some people haven’t done in their entire lives. It’s too much and I can’t tell anyone because I’m even more terrified of letting people down, and I made things even worse because I told the professor inside that I would think about his offer, but he saw how happy I was when he first proposed his offer to me and he knows I want it.” I’m babbling but I can’t seem to stop. “I’m scared, Auston. I’m so so scared. Never in my life have I been afraid to fail because I knew I never would until now. Now there’s the possibility that I can fail and destroy everything I’ve built and all I want to do is high tail it back to my safety net.”
My breathing gets out of control and I start hyperventilating, my hands shake in my lap and I try to squeeze them together.
“Breathe, breathe,” Auston whispers next to me, pulling my face to his and leaning his forehead against mine. “Breathe with me, okay?” He asks and I nod, listening to his breath, even and strong, tickling my face.
Slowly, I match my breathing with his and slowly I get the feeling back into my hands, grabbing Auston’s from my cheeks and squeezing them tightly.
“How did you learn to do that?” I ask, after a few minutes of just breathing.
“I once had a teammate who had panic attacks and there were a few ways we could get him to calm down, this was one of them,” he replies, rubbing slow circles on my hand with his thumb.
I lean my forehead back and stare at him.
“I didn’t mean the having no one in Toronto part,” I say quietly. “I was just babbling, I know you’re here.”
“I know,” he says quietly. “You know if you do come here my mother will make me trail after you like a puppy.”
“She’s going to make you? Somehow I feel like you would follow me anywhere without her interference,” I say the words before I realize it and shift slightly in my seat. Way to make things awkward, dumbass.
However, Auston laughs. “I’m starting to think you may be right.”
I smile shyly at him and his phone buzzes in the cup holder distracting us both. I see “mom” flash across his screen and he picks up his phone.
“Well, I’m supposed to drop you off at a bakery downtown. Are you okay to go or do you want to come up with an excuse not to?” He asks, looking back up at me.
“Drop me off, otherwise your mom will be all over me about what’s wrong.” I say slowly, dreading fifteen minutes from now.
He stares at me a moment and then types out a reply that we will be there soon.
“Please don’t mention what I told you to anyone, I just… need a little time.”
“Of course, but we are going to talk about this later, promise?” The look in his eye is so intense and I see a flicker of something but it’s gone before I can put a finger on it.
“I promise, I told him I would have an answer by the day I go home to Ann Arbor,” I say.
He nods once and settles back into his seat, he takes one of his hands and I go to let go of the other but he only squeezes it tighter. Shifting the car into drive, he pulls away from the curb. I look out the sun roof and desperately wish it were night time, needing the North Star and running shoes now more than ever.