its agonising

anonymous asked:

For me 'Woman' is one of the songs on the album most about his relationship with Louis - he doesn't want to see Louis with the women has to publicly be with and it's agonising for him when he does. 'He's right where I should be' - ie Harry is saying he should always be by his side but instead you (the person to whom he is speaking) is instead. Part 1

‘Apologies are never going to fix this’ - I get the feeling so many people have said to them 'sorry but it has to be this way’, 'sorry but she had to hold his hand/be with him at that event (even though it should have been you)’ (and to some extent he understands that) but apologies don’t make it any less horrifyingly sad for them. Part 2

The last part 'this thing upon me howls like a beast, you flower you feast’ kills me. It feels an animalistic anguished cry - he watches whilst the person (who is allowed to publicly be at Louis’ side - Woman) flourishes at their expense. Incredible songwriting in my opinion. Part 3/3 thanks for reading.

find them, fool them, forget them

ao3 link

robert comes face to face with the mistakes he’s made in the past when rebecca is pushed to her breaking point.

thank you to @sapphicsugden for convincing me to post this and generally being the best!



Of course it was fire.

It was always fire with him, wasn’t it? He was tied to a kitchen chair in Home Farm, Rebecca irate and pointing a lighter at him, threatening to set the kitchen alight, the surfaces apparently drenched in petrol.

Robert barely bit back a comment about how she wasn’t even creative enough to come up with her how method of scaring the shit out of him, copying the same thing Chrissie had done to him years previous.

Sarcasm, he decided, would probably make his position even more precarious. He’d only come to Home Farm because she’d left him about a thousand text messages, wanting to make it clear that she needed to leave him and Aaron alone.

After everything she’d done, she needed to just leave them be.

He’d only made it in the front door when she’d clocked him across the back of the head with a heavy decorative clock. Robert remembered feeling shocked before he’d collapsed to the floor, out for the count.

He wasn’t sure how long it had been since he’d woken up, but his head was banging and there was blood all over his shirt, staining the light blue material a bright red. He hoped it wasn’t too serious, hoped it was just a graze.

Maybe he was concussed, the world a bit fuzzy as he squinted at her, trying to work out how exactly Rebecca had gone from being pissed off with him, to entirely unhinged.

“Bex -“

“Shut up!” Rebecca turned on him, a wild look in her eyes as she shouted. “I need to think, Robert, shut up.”

“It doesn’t have to be like this.” Robert didn’t want to shut up, didn’t want to leave this all to chance. “Rebecca, you can just let me go - I’ll walk away and no one has to know, yeah?”

“It’s too late for that.” Rebecca shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes as she spoke. “It’s too late for that now. I’ve got - I’ve got to do something, I’ve got to.”

Robert swallowed nervously. “Is hurting me going to make you feel better?” he asked quietly, wondering if this was finally karma coming back to bite him. He’d never been a particularly good person, he’d caused Rebecca, and countless other people so much pain, so much heartache - Chrissie, Aaron, Katie.

Maybe this was karma. This was the universe finally saying enough was enough, and it’s your turn to be the one getting hurt, Robert Sugden.

“I loved you.” Rebecca said tearfully, slumping into another of the kitchen chairs. “Robert, I loved you so much, and I would have given you anything. Why did you chose Chrissie? Why couldn’t you have just loved me? We’d have been happy together, we would have.”

Robert didn’t know what to say, how to answer. The truth would only make her worse, wouldn’t it? He’d only ever been attracted to the fun, adventurous side of Rebecca, the side of her that was prone to sneaky hotel getaways and secret hookups in nightclub bathrooms, distracting each other from the monotony of life with the Whites.

It had never been serious, not for him. Robert knew he should have stopped it when he realised Rebecca was starting to have feelings for him, but he was selfish, and he enjoyed the thrill of it all too much to give a second thought to her feelings.

To give a second thought to how it might all come back to bite him.

Robert felt the press of his wedding ring against his skin, on the verge of tears himself as he thought about Aaron. Aaron, his husband, the love of his life, the man who’d forgiven him it all.

Forgiven him more than he ever deserved to be forgiven.

If he didn’t get out of this, if Rebecca lost it entirely, and he never saw Aaron again, well - Robert didn’t want to think about it. He didn’t want to think about what it would do to Aaron, or Vic, or Liv, didn’t want to think about how his life could be ripped away from him before he even got much of a chance to enjoy it.

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└ My first-ever attempt _φ(・_・ with calli marker pens as an adult leftie who struggled with traditional calli pens.

A new “dream~” to work towards? (⌒-⌒; )

illneverrecover  asked:

Pass the happy along! When you get this reply with five things that make you happy then pass it along to the first 10 people in your activity <3 (P.S. - YOU MAKE ME HAPPPPYYYYYY APRIL)

AHHHHHHH JACKIE @illneverrecover you make me happpppy too TTTT___TTTT

Just for you baby cakes! 

What makes me happy? The thought of the RFA being caught singing/dancing when they thought they were alone. 


1. Yoosung:
He was cleaning his apartment before she came over because he wanted everything to be perfect for their first weekend together. He had opened up all the windows and his front door to let out any smells that may have festered from his months of his LOLOL hermit lifestyle. He had put in his earphones and was singing along to that new K-pop girl band that MC was so obsessed with- he had to admit their songs were super catchy… so catchy that he was busting out the moves he had seen from their videos as he dusted around the room… until he turned around to see a wide eyed, slack jawed MC- her overnight bag sliding off her shoulder slowly in its agonising descent to the ground. 

“M-MC! I didn’t hear you come in!” 
“No… I gathered that… but… Yoosung- I could hear from down the street!” 

Yoosung wanted to die, he thought about shanking himself with his feather duster for a minute or two… 

“… You sounded really good! You didn’t tell me you could sing Honey!” 

Ahhhh crisis averted. 

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I’m finally done with my Miles painting. 

tyrannysaurusrex  asked:

Hey Lottie!! How are you doing sweetie?! I've never sent a prompt before I'm kind of nervous /o/ but I've been having a really rough few days since I've been pretty ill and I was wondering if you could write some sick!Kylux for me?? Maybe Hux having feverish dreams and Kylo just helping out? If you want to 💕💕

Of course, darling! I hope you feel better soon!

Even after the nights where he’s drank more than his body weight in brandy, Hux has never felt so rotten.

Wearing only his underwear, he sits upright in bed, duvet and sheets confiscated from his shivering body by Kylo ‘medic’s orders’ Ren. Funny, Hux had thought; he’s sure Kylo has never followed an order in his life.

Hux swallows hard, leaning his head back against the headboard of his bed, closing his eyes, body riddled with exhaustion. It’s a fever, the medics had told him, contracted from a recent planetiside mission. Young Armitage had suffered with fevers when he was a boy, sickly and weak with a poor immune system. Seemingly, older Armitage is no better.

“Here,” Kylo says, coming back into the room with some iced tea. “You need to drink.”

Hux grumbles something in another language before taking the cup in his shaking hands, having to hold it in his two palms, struggling to summon the strength to grip.

“I can make you some food if you want,” Kylo says, sitting down on the side of the bed, being cautious not to get too close as to share his body heat.

“I’m not hungry,” Hux says, swallowing the tea with a heavy gulp. “How long before I can have more medication?”

“Two hours,” Kylo says, and Hux groans in protest. “It’d be best if you could sleep until then.”

“I can’t sleep. Everything hurts.”

“Is that how your body feels or are you giving me a philosophical take on life?” Kylo says, smiling to himself, but Hux doesn’t find it amusing. “Sorry. Just try and nap, Hux, alright? Sleep is the body’s way of recovering naturally.”

Hux wants to protest but is much too weak to do anything but slide down the bed until he’s lying flat, eyes already drifting closed. Kylo rubs his forearm gently, standing off the bed, turning their air conditioning up a notch.

“Sleep, Hux,” Kylo whispers. “My fighter. You’re safe.”

If he were well, Hux would have made a snide comment about the mighty Kylo Ren turning soft at his expense, but Hux merely drifts off into a heavy sleep, and becomes lost in his mind.

He feels as though he’s only been asleep for a few moments before he bolts awake, finding himself in exactly the same position he’d been in when he’d fallen asleep. Sitting up slowly as not to aggravate his headache, Hux rubs his tired eyes, admitting to himself that he feels slightly better, a little lighter of ache.

“Ren?” He calls out, supposing he should let his partner know that he’s awake.

But to Hux’s dismay, there’s no reply. Surely, Hux thinks, Kylo wouldn’t have left him alone even for a moment whilst he was sleeping. The darling Knight has been fussing like a mother hen all week over Hux and his fever, yet abandons him when he’s in his most vulnerable state.

Hux looks to the chronometer on the bedside table, but finds it reads 00:00, a whole nine hours ahead of the time it was when he fell asleep.

Gingerly, on shaking knees, Hux gets out of bed and trudges through to the main chamber, finding it empty, no sign of Kylo anywhere. Before Hux can call for him again, his skin prickles as though being touched by a ghost hand, its invisible fingers gliding up his forearm and sending his body into shivers.

Something is wrong.

“Ren?” Hux shouts. His mind is suddenly overcome with a familiar presence, though its agonised aura only fuels Hux’s panic.

‘The bridge,’ comes Kylo’s pained voice in his mind. ‘Hurry, Hux. Need you. Dying…’

“No, Ren!” Hux says aloud, legs weakening when Kylo’s voice leaves him.

What could have possibly happened in the mere hours that Hux has been unconscious? Grabbing his greatcoat from where it hangs on his closet door, Hux pulls it on, wanting to cover the fact that he’s only in his underwear. He storms out of his quarters, ignoring his own fever, concentrating on Kylo’s fading presence.

The bridge. He has to get to the bridge. Hux knows the halls of the Finalizer like the back of his hand; every nook and every route is embedded deep in his mind. He could find the bridge in his sleep—

But he isn’t asleep, is he?

Regardless of how hard he tries, Hux finds himself running in circles. Every corridor has melded together, creating an unfathomable maze where the prize at the centre is unreachable, at that prize is Kylo.

I need you, Hux. Why won’t you help me? I’ve given my life to you and you’re letting me die.’

Kylo’s voice echoes not only in Hux’s mind this time but across the empty corridors of his ship, taunting Hux like a mouse in a labyrinth.

“Ren, no! Hold on, I’m trying, I won’t let go—”

Kylo’s begs and screams for Hux to save him suddenly fill the silence and Hux runs, trying to find his way to his dying lover but only comes across dead ends and the same halls. Hyperventilation soon consumes him, and Hux falls to his knees, cluching his head as he feels the darkness coming for him.

“No, no, Ren, please, I need you, don’t leave me—”

Hux curls in on himself, trembling, feeling his soul shatter from the most intense failure of his life.

Hux? Hux, I’m here!’

Kylo’s voice is different this time; there’s no pain, only panic mixed with a tenderness that never fails to soothe his turbulent mind.

Suddenly, everything around Hux fades to black, and he opens his eyes, expecting to find himself still huddled in a lonely corridor, but instead, finds himself lying in his bed, Kylo looming over him with wide and worried eyes.

Ren? You’re here,” Hux gasps, chest heaving.

“Stars, Hux,” Kylo exclaims, brushing his hand through Hux’s hair. “You were screaming for me, telling me to hold on.”

“No—You were gone, I couldn’t get to you,” Hux huffs, exhausted and confused, looking around the room, seeing the chronometer blinking 18:32 at him. “I…woke up and you were gone.”

“Hux, I haven’t left your side,” Kylo says softly. “You were dreaming, sweetheart. You’re alright. I’m alright.”

“Oh, Ren,” Hux says, hugging Kylo tightly, crying into his shoulder, fearing that letting go would mean something awful.

Cliche

It was different now. Mal could always feel his eyes on her. Sure, that hadn’t changed, but the way it felt sure had. She felt it all the way up her body, the pressing sensation of his considerations.

When they first starting dating in earnest it had been a whisper. It was as if his fingers would have been playing along her form in their wonderfully chaste, adoring way. His warm smile would brush against her cheeks and hair. It had been so innocent and sweet. Almost naive, in retrospect.

Since the cotillion, as disastrous as it was, his look had shifted. It had become more intense, more real. The feather like wonderment was all but gone.

She almost felt scandalised, at times. He would lean his head back and his eye lids would dip. That was when she would feel them, his hands, as if they were physically on her. His gaze would start at her ankles, an odd fascination she’d been slightly startled by. Then it would begin its slow, agonising journey up her calfs, thighs and pause at her waist.

There her breathing would hitch, involuntarily, as she pictured his hands gripping her firmly. His sure, large hands, so warm and worshipping. His lip would pull up in mischievous delight before falling back into his damning smirk.

After making her nearly hyperventilate, he would be on the move once more. It would ghost over her ribs, the only time he was as cautious as before. Sadly, she had enough sense in her not to taunt him into more unsavoury consideration and didn’t dare taunt him.

So, when she would feel the heavy weight on her shoulders and back, she would nearly gasp. Her face would heat and chest constrict as he moved up her neck. Her scalp would tingle as his eyes focused on the light that played in her hair.

The worst? When he would focus on her lips. The very thing he had declared he’d wanted to taste since they’d met. The desire to claim them was becoming so singular she was sure she could feel it even when they were lands apart.

“Audrey.” She was at her wits end and wanted some answered. “Can I ask you a quick question?”

Audrey glanced up from phone for a moment and opened her mouth, a slight frown playing at its corners. “Sure. I have a minute, I think.” Her phone dinged and she held up her finger before raising her gaze and waving her hand to the purple haired fairy. “You have 30 seconds to peak my interest before I have to get to something more interesting.”

Mal swallowed her groan. “Did you ever kiss Ben?”

Audrey blinked before sniffing dismissively. “That’s a silly question. Of course not.”

The girl rolled her eyes at Mal’s look of confusion. “You shouldn’t be that surprised, Mal. You do know about the power of true love’s kiss. I heard about Ulla.”

“Uma.”

Audrey closed her eyes in frustration. “Yes. That’s it. I don’t know why I can’t remember that one.” Mal laughed nervously with the girl and tried not to let her annoyance show. “Anyway, well, some people still believe that’s actually the only real magic still running unchecked by Fairy God Mother. You know, true love’s first kiss?”

“Ben believes in that?”

Audrey let an indulgent smile grace her lips. “Yeah. I tried to talk sense into him, but he’s old fashioned, I suppose. He’s an old soul. He solidly thinks that real, true love is magical. No kissing unless the love is real.”

Mal thanked her distractedly and began to leave before a thought struck her. “Not you, though? You kissed Chad like it was nothing. That wasn’t real?”

Audrey gave her another indulgent lift of her lips. “Are we still together?”

“But he’s still following you around like a lost puppy.”

Audrey’s smile dipped for a fraction of second before brightening. “He’ll get over it. It’s just because it was his first longish relationship.”

Mal watched the girl return to her phone, marking the end of the exchange and leaving her more confused than before. She was left to ponder the situation as she made her way to her dorm. She was so distracted, she walked right into a dress rack Evie had unceremoniously pushed into her path.

“What on Aurodon?”

She struggled out of the garments and looked frantically for her room mate. She met the bored gaze of Evie Queen, who stood unabashed on the end of the rack. Her fingers tapped against the rail she’d been gripping moments prior.

“You are completely in your own head. What’s going on?” Mal tried to play it off unconvincingly before lowering her head. “Okay, see now "this” is a problem. Last time this happened you ran away.“

Mal played with Ben’s ring on her finger in thought. "I’m not sure. I just-.” She shuddered as the disembodied ghost of Ben’s lips pressed against her. “Ever since the cotillion, things have been different.”

Evie’s look was embarrassingly unimpressed. “Honestly, Mal, sometimes you can be so blind.” She huffed and sat at her work station. “Of course things are different. Engaged, to be engaged to be engaged? Yeah, that’s out the window.”

Mal blushed and felt her ire rising. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“True love’s kiss, sweetie. The rawest form of magic is true love, in all its forms.” She shrugged and pointed to Mal with a steady, accusing finger. “You are feeling true love for the first time in all its forms now. There’s our love for each other, you, Jay, Carlos and I. The true love of family and friendship we have. And then, there’s Ben and you.”

“Well, sure. There’s that, I guess.”

Evie sighed and began absently comparing fabric swatches. “The love you feel for yourself. Your true self that you’re getting to know better every day.”

Mal nodded in understanding. “Sure. That all makes sense. That’s beside the point! Ben is-.”

She visibly struggled to form the words. Evie looked lost for the first time that afternoon before it finally clicked. It was her turn to blush as she signalled her friend to cease her attempts to explain.

“I get it. Please, don’t tell me.” Mal looked relieved, then pleading as she collapsed on her bed. “Well, I can tell you one thing, it’s why Doug and I are waiting.”

“Why should a kiss have that much power? Audrey was unaffected when she kissed Chad. Why me? I’m not even technically from Aurodon.”

“It’s true love, Mal. Do you think something like this happens everyday?”

The next day, Mal was still contemplating Evie’s words. She tried to tuck them away as she marched up the castle stairs to meet Ben. The royal castle had become the only safe place for them to meet since the cotillion.

The heir of the Beast and the heir of the Dragon. There was no stopping the paparazzi after that had come to light. If they knew how truly beastly his nature could be, her literally transformation into a dragon wouldn’t be so news worthy.

Thus, she was blushing furiously as she hastily greeted the staff she passed. She could make the journey to his study blindfolded, so it was rather easy to do so with her head down and face shielded by her her purple locks. Her fingers instinctively gripped the ornate golden handle firmly.

“You’re early.” The door was swung open and she stumbled against him. “Not that I’m not happy.”

She looked up and smiled warmly as his friendly, loving golden eyes met her pale green ones. Adoration. She sighed in relief and buried her head into his chest. His arms gripped her tightly to him as he ushered her in and closed the door.

They passed the afternoon like usual. He worked some until lunch and then they played cards and she accused him of cheating repeatedly. After an early dinner they selected books for each other and settled onto a seat in front of the fire place.

“I’ve missed you.”

Mal looked up from her book, the relaxing afternoon having lulled her into a satisfyingly warm normality. “You saw me yesterday.” She leaned her head against his shoulder, snuggling closer on the love seat they occupied in blissful innocence. “We had lunch together.”

That was when the air shifted. “I saw you more than that.” She lowered her head and watched as his fingers steadily tightened on hers. “You know that.”

His hand felt larger, somehow. “Do I?”

He snorted and she didn’t dare raise her eyes from their joined hands. His nose had begun to skim her hair, the warmth of his lips scalding through the purple barrier to burn her skin beneath. She saw the book placed on his lap as the hand took up a new task of burying itself in her hair.

He never forced her. He would never force her. He could. She shuddered at the thought. The control he had so unnerving and it stirred up a craving so raw it terrified her.

“Ben.” He hummed for her to continue as she raised her head a fraction so his lips and nose could could skim her face. “What is this?”

He paused before releasing a breathy chuckle. “How can you not know?” Something that sounded tantalisingly like a growl escaped his lips. “Mal?”

She closed her eyes and bumped his nose with her as their lips met. His chest rumbled in pleasure as he bore down on her. She gasped and he revelled in the newly gained access.

“Ben?”

He chuckled and moved his lips down her neck. “Mal?”

She regained some of her faculties at his sarcastic reply. “Seriously. Please?”

He pulled back and met her gaze. His eyes were so dark. She wondered what hers looked like.

“I love your eyes.” She blinked slowly, the world seemed distorted and hazy. “Your true green eyes. I can see your soul when they’re like this.”

She suppressed a whimper. “Why did we change?”

His eyes softened at her inquiry. “We were bound to. This? This was meant to be.”

She let out a weak chuckle, pulling up some sarcasm from her frazzled mind. “Okay, sure. Should I call you Ben Charming now?”

He huffed and pulled away a little. “You just can’t let me be romantic, can you?”

She rolled her eyes and shoved his shoulder playfully. He leaned back into his previous position, allowing her to snuggle into his side once more. He didn’t pick his book up, though. It remained on the floor next to hers, forgotten as one hand resumed its hold on hers and the the other ghosted up and down her arm.

“I was being serious, though, Mal.” She jerked in his arms but her held her fast. “I love you. I’ve always had my future laid out before me, but none of it made sense until you. I’d always felt trapped in this life until you became a part of it.”

“But why is it suddenly like this?”

He lowered his head to look her in the eyes. “It sounds so cheesy, I know. So fairy tale cliche that even I don’t like voicing it.”

“True love’s first kiss?”

He smiled in relief, an unashamed glow of love lighting his eyes. “It’s the most powerful magic of all. There will only be you, Mal. For me, marriage is a formality at this point. I’m yours and yours alone.”

She would never tell anyone how deep her blush was when she was escorted home that night. He was undeterred, a totally unkingly grin splitting his face nearly in two. He pulled her into every hidden alcove, shrubbery and nook and cranny the couple came across on the way back to the dorms.

“You’re rather late, tonight?” Evie blinked sleepily as her friend quietly entered their dark dorm. “Are you okay?”

“Uh huh.” She mechanically slipped into her bed and turned away toward the wall. “Tired.”

“Aren’t you going to change?”

She didn’t reply, afraid her teeth would chatter at the rate her pulse was bounding. She gave an exaggerated shrug and burrowed further into her comforter. Evie sighed, barely hanging on to her own marginally awake state.

“Okay. I wanna hear all about it tomorrow.”

Mal vowed to never tell.

  The car ride at the end of Tab would have been so tense like at this point

-John knows that Mary is bad news, and he also knows that, for the moment, he has to stay with her.
-But there’s something else he is learning, has been learning for a long time
-And Sherlock’s drug addled ramblings only confirmed his suspicions (his tentative hopes, his most secret dream)
-“Why… Why don’t you just elope… I wouldn’t mind…”
-So they are driving, with John in the middle of the backseat, literally between Mary and Sherlock, and its agonising
-There’s only so much he can take
-So when Sherlock’s hand falls onto the leather of the scant seat space between them
-Slowly
-So slowly that it would seem to anyone else like this hand wasn’t moving at all
-He makes his way to touch Sherlock’s palm
-Tracing the lines and callouses so softly that Sherlock almost doesn’t look to see what is going on
-But when he does see he swallows hard and twitches his hand, which makes john freeze in his travels, but then Sherlock’s thumb is stroking along the back of his palm
- An unspoken reply of ‘yes, I have been waiting for this’
-So John links their fingers together and squeezes in a staccato rhythm and prays to god he understands

.. / .- – / … — / .. -. / .-.. — …- . / .– .. - …. / -.– — ..- / .- -. -.. / .. / …. .- …- . / -… . . -. / ..-. .-. — – / - …. . / … - .- .-. -

-And Sherlock’s eyes are watery red but he doesn’t look around, not while Mary could look and see this moment and destroy him
-So he simply squeezes back and holds on tight, wishing that he didn’t have to let go
-Mycroft watches in the rearview mirror and his heart breaks for them, because there is a plan and they would all need to stick to it or risk losing their lives
-But was there anything worth living for if they couldn’t have each other?

(The Morse code reads “I am so in love with you and I have been from the start”)

SO! I wanted to do something for hitting 2000. Key criteria: that it be something I can do and finish today, because last time I hit a milestone I tried to do TA, and I still owe a lot of you promos from that…..ugh. Spectacular fail, self. (I’m still going to do them - imminently, since this has brought it back to my mind - but I’m incredibly sorry for dropping the ball so bad.) 

Anyway, what I’ve decided to do is a ff for my top 20 blogs. Picking a top 20 was obviously hard, not least because it’s such a generic category - what does ‘top’ signify? The 20 people I talk to most? The ones whose writing I like best? The ones who are friendliest or post the best edits?

In the end I’ve picked blogs that bring the happy to my dash. They’re all positive, friendly, lovely people, and I’ve picked ones that I think will make any of your dashes better. x

 THE MOD SQUAD

  • themegalosaurus ☆ Jess’ tumblr identity was the first one i kind of got to recognise when i first joined (i.e. ‘oh that’s the Sam’s hands girl’) and NOW WE ARE RL BOOZEY FRIENDS so basically we’re Anne Shirley and Diana Barry ok. She’s the giffing queen, I fucking love her writing, and she’s responsible for Hot Professor Sam. NEED I SAY MORE.
  • winchestersandwordprocessors ☆ I don’t totally get the concept of tumblr wives, but if i have one, it’s probably Chris. great writer and just a great fucking person w/ an eye-crossingly smutty mind. i LOVE her. 
  • lipglosskaz ☆ one of my original tumblr crushes and i’m still in the middle of a love affair tbh. her blog is like a glass of orange juice when you’re dying of thirst and need a sugar kick. If you follow anyone, follow kaz!!
  • marrieddorks ☆ our friendship is kind of counter-intuitive b/c I don’t really ship j2 and she really really does. but i looove her. WE’RE LIKE THE ROMEO AND JULIET OF TUMBLR, Kirsten. :)
  • baronsamediswife ☆ rarely have I witnessed, in any context, the level of devotion that Myri holds for Dean/Jensen. :) visiting her blog is like worshipping at a funny, friendly, porny altar of Dean/Jensen feels. she’s incredibly genuine and a goddess of fic - check out her fic rec blog too. 
  • buttheyrebrothers ☆ Sandy’s writing will wreck you five ways to Friday AND she might be an android b/c she is inhuman levels of nice. she’s also my porn-wife: someday we will marry and our relationship will consist largely of exchanging porny fic over breakfast.

THE DEANGIRLS

  • hidingfrommychildren ☆the Deangirl that I’m working on bringing over to the Sam side of life (it’ll happen, Erin, gaaaaze into the rabbit hole). NICEsT PERSON and ultimate cheerleader. I live for her tags on my stuff.
  • mamapeterson ☆ kind and awesome and lots of quality posting! You will not find a friendlier person on here.
  • deansdirtylittlesecretsblog ☆ ultimate Deangirl! check out her masterlist of reader insert smut (most of it Dean, though almost our first interaction was when I won a fic from her and requested Sam smut :D AH MEMORIES)

THE SAMGIRLS

  • allsamallthetime ☆ Samgirl extraordinaire and the creator and primary of 70s Vice Cop Sam (visit his digs at sextigersam). 
  • sunshinesamwinchester ☆ Feona is UNFAILINGLY kind and positive, just thinking of her makes me smile. She also makes lovely edits!
  • yaelstiel ☆ AH YAEL. where to start? beautiful gifs that range from episode meta to scientific (OBVS) studies of Sam’s face and hair; kind and open and intelligent and my much younger (ha!) little tumblr-sister. 

THE SHIPPERS

  • tipsysam ☆ Hanna is LITERALLY the friendliest person I have ever met. She is one of the first people I very nervously messaged on here and she responded so warmly that I stopped feeling shy at all. Also her tags are the best on tumblr. Really. And…memorable.
  • wellcometothedarkside ☆ Aeren’s edits will knock your socks off and she also does tons of great fic recs.
  • whoaeasytiger ☆ achingly lovely writing and the legit coolest tattoo i’ve ever seen
  • sammichgirl☆ Heather is my real-life goldilocks and basically a literal sun - she glows and casts light and warmth wherever she goes. I’M SERIOUS.
  • zest-wincest ☆ haven’t been following long but stellar posts always and edits that i love!

ASSORTED AWESOMES

(couldn’t figure out where to put these, but they’re too great to leave out)

  • canoncanoff ☆ multifandom madness & my smut-writing idol - check out her 100 kinks masterlist. it will change your life. As I’ve said to Sam on more than one occasion, her writing could give me a kink for eggplants or telephone books if she wanted it to. she’s that good.
  • anotherwinchesterfangirl ☆ I don’t even know how to categorise Liz (plus i haven’t known her all that long) but I enjoy literally everything she posts. her tags are gold and i love her writing!
  • fingersinsamshair ☆ uggghhh just read her tags and wallow in her gratuitous and oh-so-bang-on appreciation of the boys. ;) she has some great s1 screencapping going on right now too. 

broomstick  asked:

I'd thank JKR for giving me a character that has helped me through very hard times. Namely, Remus Lupin. I've had a chronic illness for nearly ten years, now. I can't take pain medication, so I just have to suffer it. And it's relentless, agonising, day in, day out. It stops me working, it stops me getting out, it gets in the way of my relationships. And when I look to Remus, a character who goes through so much pain, but remains kind? I know in my heart I can be strong enough to do the same.

We were all drunks with dead radios, disappearing into silence like sailors in a storm.
We were all shipwrecks, sinking into the ravaged city like savages into the waves.
We were summer skylines, burnt buildings shadowed against the horizon’s orange fever.
We were a million tears glistening instead of stars, and we swam….some of us drowning in the sadness.
We grew out of our own skin, threw out some tacky lines about wishing we were beautiful, then wished one final time that we were beautiful.

Twisted vehicles lay abandoned, still smouldering.
Buildings shed their debris like confetti at a wedding, and the bodies of children lay browning in the doorways. Some had fear still streaked in lines across their faces, some had no faces left at all.

Blue flags sat limp, dead in the windless sky, the evening rang with tears as we failed to raise our voices to song. Some of us wondered, some of us wept, some of us had no tears left to cry.

How long did we whisper? How long did we dream, deep into the desperate night?
The blackened world lay sorry, scorched, agonised in its apology, fallen into a hard and empty, silent slumber.

We woke at dawn, hungry, aching, the distant smell of charred flesh too tempting to resist.
We rose slowly, eyes to the ground, empty gut rumbles echoing off greedy mouths, lips licked raw at the thought of fresh meat.
We made our way into the city, together, but each one of us so totally and utterly alone…..

—  giraffevader - People bring your guns ((redux))
Christmas Eve - Requested (Luke)

HELLO, so this is yeaterdays Christmas imagine number NINE, requested by Anon (Can you do an imagine where your preganant with Luke and you give birth and you go into Labor on Christmas Eve but you cant go the hospital cause of bad weather?) ENJOY!!!!

‘All I want for Christmas is youuuuuuuu, baby’ you shake your head as you listen to Luke singing 'All I Want For Christmas’ in the kitchen while you lounge of the sofa reading your book.

'Baby I got you more castor oil’ Luke sings as he coming into the warm living room with a mug in his hands, you pull a disputed face and you push yourself up in the sofa a little. 'Don’t give me that look, you’re the one wanting to get our baby out into the big bad world’ he teases as you take the mug and he kneels next to the couch watching as you cringe drinking the oil. 'You try carrying it around for nine months only for the little shit to refuse to come out, I’m a week and a half over Luke, it’s fucking agonising’ you whine making he chuckle a little.

'I love you’ he winks pecking your cheek and taking the empty mug from you. 'You better because it’s all your fault’ you tease with an innocent smile. 'Yeah, yeah, I know’ he rolls his eyes as he walks backwards towards the door. 'BABY I WAS THINKING WE COULD READ A NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS TO HIM’ Luke yells through to you from the kitchen.

'Yeah sounds good’ you agree not sounding as loud. 'I have a feel he is coming today’ you call back 'he has too, I need him to come today’ you tell Luke from the other room. He pops his head through the door a smile filling his face. 'Maybe he will be born at midnight and we can call him Jesus’ he winks making you laugh. 'All hale we birthed the next savour of the words’ he calls loudly through the house making you laugh harder.

'Ohhhh imagine if he’s ginger, I’ve always wanted a ginger baby’ you cheer excited, Luke fries a little but still wears a cheerful smile as he sits back on the floor in front of you. 'I’ll be very worried if he is ginger’ he pouts playfully and you wink. 'Your touring a lot baby, you never know’ you tease making him glare a little but you both know it’s all in jest. 'Remind me again why I love you?’ He asks and you wink 'Remind me again how I got in this situation?’ You hit back looking down at your huge belly. Luke lets out a deep chuckles as he jumps back up heading out of the room, you hear him jogging up the stairs. You push yourself up and climb the stairs entering the nursery room to see Luke looking puzzlers as he looks through the babies’ full book shelve.

You head up behind him, moving on your side slightly so your able to reach up and press your lips to his neck, 'Lukey’ you whine softly in his ear and you hear him sigh. 'No, no don’t do that’ he grumbles stepping away from you and you try not to laugh. 'Please Luke I need you’ you try again, this time running your fingers through the back of his hair but he steps away again. You move in front of him and press your lips to his; he doesn’t kiss back for a moment but soon gives up when you squeeze his bicep. You use your other hand letting it travel down his chest to the top if his jeans, you play with them for a second before popping the button and slowly taking down the zip but your hands are pushed away before they get the chance to go any further. 'No, stop, baby please stop’ Luke moans, and you can tell he is fighting himself, so you leave your fingers playing with the hem of his boxers as you talk to him.

'Luke come in the doctor said it was fine, he fucking advised us on it, he said it will help move things along, please baby’ you whine but he shakes his head. 'Ni, no, it’s wrong, it’s weird’ he argues and you huff 'wow thanks babe, I’m carrying your son to only be rejected now. Nothing is going right he was meant I be her for our perfect fucking Christmas and now, now even my shit head boyfriend is turning down sex, Its Christmas god damn eve Luke, I can’t even get my own boyfriend to fuck me’ you whine, your eyes lock with his deep blue ones, you can see the lust and love but right now you just want the lust. Then he starts to laugh 'I can’t have sex with you when you’re pregnant, it’s wrong, like I’m having sex with the baby’ he whines pulling a face and you cringe 'that’s fucking discussing, it’s nothing like that’ you whine.

'Would we have sex if he was in our bed?’ He asks raising an eyebrow and you shrug 'If we were this fucking horny then yes’ you argue knowing that is bull shit and he laughs making you roll your eyes 'Fine no, okay no we wouldn’t but this is different this is for him, and me, make me feel good before I have to push him out’ you flutter your eye lashes, and see him sigh a little. His shoulder relaxing and you know he is starting to come around. You lean in closer pressing your lips to his jaw, traveling up to his lips, as soon as they touch is it full of lust and longing from you both. And you let your hand slide under the thin material of his boxers.

'Fuck’ you scream pushing away from Luke, he frowns as he hold out his arms for your to seedy yourself on, 'baby are you okay?’ He asks and you nod a little 'FUCK!! No, no I’m not, fuck’ you scream again and then your legs before warm and wet, you try to look past your belly but it wasn’t happening so you look to Luke instead to see his eyes wide. 'Your waters broke, he’s coming’ his eyes tear up as he looks back to you.

'Perfect ducking timing’ you growl through another contraction and Luke laughs a little. 'Okay, okay let’s get going’ he nods to himself as though to reassure himself he is doing the right thing. You nod as well as Luke walks backwards letting your grip his arms to get back down the stairs stopping every couple if steps to scream or breath, when you finally reach the front door Luke picks up the baby bag that had been waiting at the door for a months and we opens the front door to see everywhere is covers in a couple of inches of snow. 'Fuck, I need to clear the drive, you can hold it right, just a little longer’ he erasures got as he steadies you in the side table next to the door, he drops the bag and rushes out to the car.

'FUCK! LUKE, I don’t think we have enough time’ you scream, and out see him nodding furiously 'I don’t think I can get the car out’ he is starting to panic, he takes a moment before rushing back to you and heading to the living room with you in his arms. He helps you to sit in the edge if the sofa and through trying to get comfortable you slide off softly so you’re in the floor, then you shuffle around a little until your nearly in the middle of the room, you start to point to your back, unable to speak through the heavy breathing, but Luke understands as he starts to prop you up with pillows. But then he stops and stares blank as you scream again and again and again.

'GET ESTA!’ You scream through another pain, he seems to let the words sink in before nodding quickly and running out without a word.

Its only moment later Luke come rushing in with Esta the lady from next door, and her husband George following. Everything starts to get a little blurry from the pain cursing though your body. You vaguely see her go in Luke instructions, Luke and George rushing around for things, Esta pulling on plastic gloves, somewhere along the way your leggings and pants were thrown to the side.

'Okay darling, I think it’s time to push’ she tells you, you nod through the years streaming down your face, 'George get the towel ready and the scissors, Luke hold her hand’ she orders and seconds later Luke is wrapping his fingers with yours you push and push and scream and push. And you notice Luke cringing in pain and a sort if laugh leaves your lips as you push again. Your throat becoming sore until. There is a gargling cry and you drop back your chest heaving as you try to catch your breath, relaxing after hearing the sweet sound of your babies cry. 'Well don’t darling, well done’ George congratulates you as Luke kisses your head; he cuts the cord and then takes hold of your baby.

'Here’s baby Jesus’ Luke laughs and you shake your head exhausted. He lower his arms as he sits in his knees so you can see you perfect little boy. 'Hey, come in girl one for push’ Esta reminds you and you nod, 'what! Why? We aren’t having twins we can’t’ You can hear Tyne panic in Luke’s voice and glance up go see his eyes wide looking between you and Esta, you look to Esta who has a small smile on her lips as she tries not to laugh and you do the same shaking you head towards her. Then you push, it’s so much easier this time and the placenta slides out. You see Esta wrap it in a towel and reaching hover to hand it to Luke, 'Your twin’ she teases and his face breaks into laughter along with us all.

'And we are not calling his Jesus’ you laugh 'Christmas baby, you two will have expensive Decembers’ George laughs and you smile down at your baby as Luke places him in your arms. And he kisses your head again. 'My family so perfect’ he whispers.

From Chelsea