its 1 am and dont have anything to do

here’s a little embarassing thing about me: i am! so! obsessed! with! my! gadgets!

remember how i keep on telling you i’ve been really busy with my preps for CETs and how my parents imposed strict curfews and schedules to maximize the little time i have to study? yep, that’s not exactly how it’s been working out with my life right now. i do study but i occasionally check on my phone, respond on messages on tumblr, tweet things, watch 2 or 3 unrelated youtube videos after finishing like 3 or 4 academic ones and many many more! this is why as most of you might have noticed, despite being “busy,” i still regularly respond to your messages, check on my tag, reblog your stuff, despite running a queue. it’s equally embarassing as it is horrifying. and i feel terrible about it. although i must admit that i’ve had a pretty legitimate and respectable outcomes, at the end of the day, i know i can do better. and guess who’s the culprit who keeps on distracting me? yep, that’s right: my one and only treasured possesion- my cellphone.

two, three, or four years ago, my mother began noticing this quite destructive addiction of mine. she will often times call me out, saying things like: “hey, you should spend more time with your family.” or “i will definitely confiscate your phone if you still act like this in a week.” and of course i was threatened as heck because i dont want to lose my cellphone. so, i will pretend i don’t use it in the morning but later that night, when im all alone in my room, you will see my hiding under my blankets laughing all by myself because of dank memes™ or googling cute dog pictures. being the ‘milennial’ and 'god they’re just being lame because they’re obviously not from my generation’ am, i did not know then the extent of my obsession. not until recently!

there is nothing wrong with using technology or gadgets. if anything, they help us become more productive and practically make our lives way, way easier! however, like what they all say, a little much of something is not a good thing! and the same goes with my so-called gadget addiction.

while scrolling through my feed one time, i stumbled upon this article written by emma on messyheads entitled “cant call, im in cuba” published two months ago. and i was frankly baffled. she opened her article with a scientific study concluding that an average person spends right about 300 times a day checking on their phone. yep, you got that right: 300 freaking times of checking on my emails, my twitter, tumblr, responding to messages, et. and while that figure might seem surprising to you. i’ve read another article stating that an average person spends right about 5 hours per day just doing their thing on their mobile! yep, that’s right five freaking hours of looking on that lil bright screen! and just like what emma said on her article, there’s way too many things that you could do on the span of just endlessly scrolling through your dash like finishing an entire course for my CETs preps/reviews, cooking 10 different dishes, working on my painting, working on my embroidery skills, finishing a harry potter book, etc! and you know what this literally made me realize? technology defeated the purpose of helping me become productive because instead, i end up being even more unproductive. and did achieve anything from all the things that i’ve been? absolutely nothing. the even funnier part is: i have absolutely no idea what i do with those five freaking hours! i mean, time flies so fast when you’re enjoying something, that’s true but i dont even know if im exactly enjoying what im doing because if anything, it only makes me feel even more guilty and terrible about it!

i already have no idea where this text post is going but i guess while writing this i was able to realize a couple of things: my patience significantly declines and i tend to appreciate little things less once get too caught up with my phone.

1. patience: the thing about me is i am an incredibly, commendably patient person. i wait for my turn and i believe in its power and value that is fundamental in becoming an ethical person. however although this is very embarrasing to admit, i have realized that using my phone massively declined my patience. how did i know? well, it took me an entire day to write this post because when im done with like a sentence or two, i tend to get distracted with my notifications and wander off of my notepad and start interacting with people. i know there is nothing wrong with that because the world practically revolves around the internet right now. but unfortunately, when i became addicted with my mobile, i am no longer just using it because i have something important to accomplish; rather it became an itch that needs to be scratched and i use it just because i want to instead.

2. appreciation: this is quite frankly probably the saddest part about my cellphone addiction. you know how much i love the little things about people and the world, right? yep. however, due to this addiction, i tend to focus more on my cellphone screen and not the beautiful things around me. i mean, sure you can google #goals stuff or see even more aesthetic things on tumblr, but i think there is still nothing more beautiful than having the chance to see something magical first hand! furthermore, when im out with my family for dinner, i have realized an even more heartbreaking thing: we no longer converse the way we used to! because instead of communicating or asking for menu first, we ask for for the wifi password and live our social media life instead. i mean, sure we still talk but im not that stupid to not realize that it’s not like it used to be when my brother and i were 11 or 10. it’s an ugly realization that i hope would eventually change.

i have nothing against the usage of social media as a platform to express yourself or to get friends from all over the world. i believe, as a matter of fact, that it is one of the most revolutionary things that this planet was able to create and i frankly believe that it will be for a long, long time. however, i think it is also still very important to shut out of it once in a while, give yourself a break, a breather, and just enjoy your life the way our ancestors or grandparents would even without the internet.

try turning off your gadgets once in a while and i promise you will see a significant difference and feel more comfortable with your own skin! because although it feels good to live a life that’s filled with so many notifications, attention, and validation from all over the world, it feels even better to just have a little space outside the boundary with fresh air, lots of trees, and flowers, where you could be yourself.

supernatural got so much better for me when

1. i waited a couple years to do a rewatch so i wouldnt have to deal with the fandom (some people i still follow are great but! as a whole! the fans suck! myself included back when i bet)

2. i stopped expecting anything new or super good/unique any more and just watched it as a feel-good show where i like the characters and shit

3. i dont care as much about the flaws as i used to bc whatever its a fun ride

so yeah thats where i am at now 

PLEASE READ, SAVE A SQUEAK

general all and all post about cosplays:

so

i have a lot. A LOT  of messages

and a lot of them are saying the same thing

SO I’m going to update, and restate some important facts about all this and if i get more about selling cosplays outside of those I’ve spoken to I’ll go ham bc i know you didn’t take the time to read anything I’ve posted

1) I am only selling three cosplays at the moment, I’m doing it in waves so I’ll be selling more later (BUT NOT NOW, SO DONT ASK)

2) Of the three I’m selling, I’m already full on possible buyers, please don’t ask to be added Its really hard to keep track, i have over 3,000 messages and please be mindful 

—-

and of course 3) I don’t mean to be brash, but I really don’t handle being absolutely overwhelmed with messages very well, especially when a lot of them are asking the same exact thing. I really don’t want to be rude, but Its frustrating and I’m just aiming to take what i can handle, which right now is selling 3 costumes, with 3 people on the roster to get them. I will release what three I’m selling next, after I’ve shipped this batch

thank yee