items you eat

Ask Me! Send me a couple #’s on anon
  1. Experiences in your life you wish happened more often.
  2. Favorite moment or memory from grade school
  3. Characters you would most like to play if you were in theater.
  4. Animal species that best represents your personality with explanation.
  5. Prizes you would most likely win on a game show besides money.
  6. Songs you would sing at karaoke if no one would judge you.
  7. Super powers you would most like to have if you were a superhero.
  8. Items you would decorate a genie bottle with if you had to live in one.
  9. Moments in history you wish you could experience first-hand.
  10. The clumsiest thing you have ever done.
  11. Hobbies you wish you could do, or had more time to do.
  12. Three things you would insist on having if you lived in an igloo.
  13. Items you would buy if you had three days to spend $1,000,000.
  14. Songs that drive you nuts when you hear them and why
  15. People you would watch if you could legally spy on them for a day.
  16. Reality shows you most wish you could be a contestant on.
  17. Three items you consider the best inventions ever.
  18. Moments in movies that have inspired you.
  19. Your idea of a perfect day/night spent alone.
  20.  Television shows that most resemble times in your life.
  21. People you would trade places with for one day, but not more.
  22. Things you would like to do if you were in your favorite foreign country.
  23. Game shows you think you could be a successful contestant on.
  24. Ways you would improve your home if you had an unlimited budget.
  25. Experiences with art or music that have inspired you the most.
  26. Places you would show to an alien if a flying saucer landed in your yard.
  27. Fashion risks you have wanted to take but have not.
  28. Movie characters that most inspire you.
  29. Funniest thing you have ever seen.
  30. Businesses you would like to own if you were an entrepreneur and why.
  31. Five top pet peeves.
  32. Funny or fun things your parents did while you were little.
  33. Food items you would eat most often if you didn’t have to worry about health.
  34. Three things you would do differently than your parents, and why.
  35. Three pieces of advice you’d give to your seventh grade self.
The Art of Seduction

Summary: Jimin is a corporate heir that’s used to getting what he wants, but when he cant get the girl he loves to fall for him, he tries to find out what she likes in men through the methods of seduction.

Word Count: 3,981

A/N: This is based off of a prompt I read somewhere long ago (I don’t have the link I’m sorry! But the basis of the story is based on that prompt.) and also this is based on a few different discarded ideas I had in my documents folder. Gifs are not mine and all credit goes to the original owners! -Admin Germane

Jimin sat on the couch in his lavish living room, frustrated, trying to watch whatever show was playing on the TV, but he just couldn’t concentrate. He ran his hand through his already ruffled up hair and sighed, tugging absentmindedly at the drawstrings of his sweatpants.

Jimin, the youngest corporate executive in the world, could make any girl putty in his hands if he wanted to. Every girl he’s met always seemed interested in him, but not the girl he likes. Y/N was her name, she worked at his firm and Jimin often had to work with her on major projects that the company had to deal with. He’d like to think that Y/N was his friend; they grew extremely close thank to Taehyung, who just so conveniently happened to be friends with the both of them (Tae had actually caused them to meet, he shoved Jimin into her, making Y/N’s papers scatter on the floor). Y/N, however, didn’t seem to give any interest towards him at all. In fact, she seemed completely uninterested in all the men that flirted with her; she would only talk to Jimin’s group of friends during work, her and the other guys being really close to her as well.

To make Jimin’s infatuation for Y/N even worse, he always had images of her randomly flashing though his mind when he worked. He thought about what she looked like when she would roll her long shirt sleeves up to her elbows, how her hair would shine in the sun, and her lips. Dear god, her lips were just so inviting. Whenever she was concentrating on something or when she was reading over important documents, she would always bite her lips, drawing Jimin in even more than before.

Jimin wanted to return the fire that Y/N gave him, and this was why he was frustrated. He didn’t know what Y/N liked in a guy, he didn’t know what could be done to entice her. Hell, he had even asked Taehyung and Namjoon, the two she was closest to, for advice but even they couldn’t give him the answers he wanted. If only there was a way to get her to indulge into this information. As his mind traveled back to the girl that was taking over his thoughts, a knock came to his door.

To his surprise he saw Y/N standing there, it was 10:30 in the evening, why would she come to visit him this late at night?

“Y/N! To what do I owe the pleasure of having you at my doorstep?” he asked, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. Y/N blushed and fiddled with her hands nervously.

“Um. Well. I need help with something and Tae told me that you know the most about it, so, um …” she started, nervous and flustered.

“Oh?” Jimin raised an eyebrow.

“And what would this … something be?”

“I-um, I sort of … like someone” Y/N’s cheeks turned from a soft pink to rose red and Jimin had to suppress a grin.

“So, I wanted to get their attention, and um, apparently, if you smell nice, that can do the trick.”

Jimin’s heart swelled with pride and lust. This was just too easy! She was walking into Jimin’s area of expertise; he could easily extract the information he needed to make her like him with ease. This ‘someone’ was but a minor obstacle. Jimin smirked, Y/N was as good as his.

“It certainly can. Come in, and let’s see what we can do.” Y/N smiled timidly and followed Jimin inside is lavish apartment. Y/N stared in awe, she had never been inside her friend’s/boss’ house before.

“So. Names are not needed, but what is this ‘someone’ like?”

“Why do you need to know?” Y/N’s tone was defensive and Jimin made a mental note to tread carefully.

“Different scents appeal to different people,” Jimin explained, “I need to know a little about who your trying to seduce to help you.”

“I’m not trying to seduce them; I just want them to notice me.”

“Ah, Y/N, you do not understand.” Jimin smiled and ushered her into the bathroom.

“Anything involving the senses is always about seduction.”

“Really?” Y/N leaned casually against the sink counter, watching Jimin with a mix of weariness and curiosity.

“So … there are other ways to get his attention?”

“Of course. Would you like to know about them?” Jimin asked. Y/N licked her lips (my god, like the girl need lessons in seduction when she did things like that) and nodded.

“Very well. Let us start with appearance.”

“Oh this might take a while,” Y/N joked.

“No Y/N, you misunderstood. You are very beautiful on your own, you simply need to … play up your assets.” Jimin looked her up and down thoughtfully.

“If you’re going to wear slacks, pick a tighter cut … you have very soft skin, wear something on top that shows a little. Neck or arms, doesn’t matter. Dresses should show a little leg; I’d say at least knee length. And try wearing a dress with short sleeves or thin straps, it keeps the mind wondering what’s underneath. Wear darker colors, after all, the darker ones usually are portrayed as more mysterious and sexy anyways. The dark colors will bring out your pretty eyes.” Jimin lectured, blushing a little at his advice.

“Are my glasses a fault then?” she asked, reaching up to take them off but, Jimin’s hand stopped her.

“I think they give you charm, personally.” Jimin shrugged. “But I’m not sure what this ‘someone’ of yours might think.”

“Okay. What’s next?” Y/N asked.

“Pretend I am you mysterious someone,” Jimin instructed. “Say hello to me.”

“What? Why?”

“Just … say hello to me.”

“Um. Hello?” Y/N said skeptically.

“No, no, no.” Jimin shook his head.

“Like this.” Jimin explained, leaning a bit closer to Y/N. He dropped his voice to a casually suggestive volume somewhere between normal conversation and a whisper.

“Hello, Y/N. How have you been?” Jimin asked with a smirk on his face. Y/N flushed and ducked her head.

“F-Fine,” she squeaked.

“Ah-ha!” Jimin grinned victoriously.

“You see? I did not even say anything of substance, and look how you reacted! It’s all in the tone Y/N. Your words must caress as your hands do. Now, try again.”

“I feel really stupid…”

“Try again.” Jimin encouraged, placing his hand on her shoulder in a comforting manner. Y/N sighed and cleared her throat.

“Hello Jimin,” she said, voice soft and engaging. Well that certainly sent some blood south. “How have you been?”

“Excellent,” Jimin smiled. “Your tone, I mean. You … ah, don’t need to do that again.”

“Really? That was good?” Y/N asked in disbelief. Jimin nodded. It was a little too good. He was afraid if he spoke he’d scare her away with his perverted thoughts. Jimin cleared his throat and sorted his thoughts but Y/N spoke up first.

“Okay so I was wondering about taste. What am I supposed to do? Cover myself in whipped cream or something?” Y/N teased.

“No.” Do not think about licking whipped cream off her … don’t think about it …

“It can be two things. Items you can eat or drink can be evocative … like chocolate or cherries”

“And the other thing?”

“Has nothing really to do with actual flavor, but you want your someone to wonder and wonder what your mouth tastes like.”

“Um. Why?” Y/N asked.

“It’s all about luring them,” Jimin smirked.

“If you can get them fixed on something, anything, they are yours.” Jimin held his hand up before Y/N could speak.

“Before you ask, your lips are terribly inviting, and you have a little lip-biting habit when you are reading or thinking about something. If your ‘someone’ isn’t being driven crazy by this already, you simply need to be obvious about it in their presence.”

“O-Oh.” Y/N touched her lips unconsciously. “W-What’s next?”

“What you came here for in the first place.” Jimin bent down and opened a cabinet under the sink.

“Now tell something about…”

“Jesus Christ Jimin! Why do you have so much perfume and cologne?”

“Well, this is just one cabinet, and I lost count after a while …” Jimin frowned at Y/N’s flabbergasted look.

“If you remember, Y/N, you were the one who came to me for help.”

“Okay. I’m sorry.” Y/N apologized, blushing slightly.

“Like I was saying, you need to tell me something about this … ‘someone’.”

“Do I have to? I mean can’t you give me something … nice?” Y/N asked.

“Nice?” Jimin sighed. “Let me show you how this works.” Jimin extracted a bottle, dabbed a little of the cologne on his wrist and held out his arm.

“Now I’m guessing, but for a smell you like, I would wear something a little … sweeter.” Jimin explained. Y/N took a skeptical sniff and shrugged.

“It’s not bad.”

“Alright I was wrong. Let’s try … ah, this, maybe.” He pulled out another bottle and dabbed some on his other wrist, and again held it out for Y/N’s evaluation.

“Smells sort of … smoky.”

“It’s supposed to. Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it reminds me of winter and fires and-”

“Nostalgia is not what we are going for.” Jimin turned back to the cabinet thoughtfully, humming in thought. After a moment’s deliberation, he pulled out another bottle.

“Third times a charm.” he smiled touching some of the fragrance to his neck and motioned to Y/N.

“Come see if this one is more to your liking.” he said, motioning for her to come closer. Y/N pushed herself off the sink and slowly stepped closer to Jimin. She stopped when she got in the range of one-on-one conversation, suddenly taking a deep breath. Got it.

“That …” she leaned closer.

“Jimin, that smells so good.” Y/N was obviously holding back the desire to bury her face in the crook of Jimin’s neck and inhale. Jimin noticed this and smirked.

“You can come closer, if you want,” Jimin offered, his voice dropping an octave. Y/N practically jumped on Jimin and she buried her face in his neck, moaning a little at the glorious scent. Jimin chuckled and hugged the girl, letting her have a moment.

“God. Jimin, it smells so amazing.” she mumbled into his skin. Jimin took a sharp breath, he had to control himself, otherwise his plan would all go downhill. He pried the girl off him gently and she groaned in annoyance, she wanted to bury her head back into his neck and smell that wondrous smell that Jimin had put on his body.

“So. You like something heavier, spicy … and you like to smell it when you are close to the person.” Jimin smiled, “Do you see what I’m talking about?

“Uh-huh.” Y/N backed up until she hit the sink, not trusting herself being so close to that scent that made her wild.

“W-What’s yours?” Y/N mumbled?

“My …?”

“Your scent, the smell you like.” Jimin stared at Y/N bemusedly until she elaborated.

“I mean, what works on you must work on everyone, right?”

“Not necessarily, but since you refuse to tell me anything about the person you’re trying to get you are more than welcome to try it.” Jimin handed Y/N a small pale blue bottle.

“Light and flowery, bit of a smoky undertone but nothing to overpowering. What I like most about it, though, is that it lingers … and that brings us to our final lesson.”

“Touch?” Y/N inquired nervously.

“Yes. Remember, keep it gentle …” he brushed Y/N’s cheek with the backs of his fingers. “… keep it casual …” a glancing touch down her arm. “… but most importantly, keep it lingering …” he splayed his fingers across the small of Y/N’s back, trailing the tips across along a line just above the hem of her pants.

“Does that make sense?” Jimin asked. Y/N, flushed, wide-eyed, and near breathless, nodded slowly, and Jimin smiled a smile he hoped didn’t look to predatory.

Oh. Right in the palm of his hand.

~*~

This meeting had to be the longest, most tedious, most agonizing meeting that Jimin had ever been to. It might, he mused, have to have had something to do with Y/N using all her new techniques to attract her ‘someone’. Jimin told her to play it up and was she ever.

It all started this morning when he was waiting in line for coffee. Most of the employees needed coffee this early in the morning or some, (well most really) would become very … frustrated (bitchy).

Jimin was standing in the coffee line, Taehyung and Jungkook standing behind him having a loud discussion about something ridiculous. Then they both just stopped talking all together. Jimin turned and looked at them, they usually wouldn’t shut their mouths for anything. Taehyung nudged him and pointed down the corridor. Jimin followed his gaze until he saw what they were staring at.

“Shit.” he cursed.

There was Y/N, walking with Namjoon towards the conference room. She had her head down and she was playing with her hands absentmindedly. Namjoon nudged her shoulder and she looked up, spotting the three of them waiting in the coffee line. She smiled and left Namjoon and walked towards the three men.

All three of them were drowning in red. The darkest red that stood out beautifully against her hair and skin. Her eyes shined behind her glasses and her black heels clicked on the marble floor. She made her way to them and she tilted her head, her hair catching the rays from the sun as she spoke in a soft, velvet voice.

“Good morning boys. How are you?” They all stared at her, none of them could put together any words to form a sentence. Jimin spoke up after a while.

“Good. How have you been Y/N?”

“Great, thank you.” It was Jimin’s turn in line. “Would you like anything?” he asked her.

“Just a tall black coffee.” She looked towards the other two men; the both of them still in shock.

“Hey, Tae, Kookie, are you alright?” she touched their shoulders out of worry. They both blushed and hid their faces.

“Sorry it’s just that-” Jungkook started, but Taehyung cut him off.

“Dude! You look totally hot!” Taehyung exclaimed, making Y/N giggle at his enthusiasm. Jungkook then preceded to smack Taehyung around the head.

OW! What the hell was that for?!” Taehyung whined, rubbing the back of his neck in pain.

“You’re such a perv, hyung. Show the lady some respect.” Jungkook scolded. Y/N blushed and looked down at her hands.

“You look beautiful noona.” Jungkook said, traces of a deep longing in his voice.

“Thanks Kookie! Oh excuse me I must go, but I’ll see you in the meeting?” Y/N asked, noticing Jimin was holding their coffee.

“Yes. Of course.” Jungkook agreed.

“Alright, bye.” Y/N said. She let her hand trail down Jungkook arm until she reached his elbow and she walked to Jimin who was … glaring at Jungkook? Y/N pushed the thought out of her mind and took the cup from Jimin’s hand and they both started to walk absentmindedly towards the conference room.

“I’m taking your advice.” Y/N said, breaking their silence.

“I can see that. You look … stunning.”

Close enough to how Jimin felt.

“Thank you.” Y/N blushed a little, taking a sip of her coffee.

“I’d love to talk, but I got to head to the conference room. I have some stuff to go over with Namjoon but, I’ll see you in a bit.” she touched Jimin’s shoulder in acknowledgment, assurance, before walking away. Her fingertips brushed along the line of Jimin’s shoulder, stopping and dropping only when they reached the shirt collar. In Y/N’s wake, Jimin caught the scent of the perfume he gave her, heady and perfect. It lingered, just as he knew it would, and Jimin stood in the hallway, cursing his lack of foresight.

This had backfired. Badly. Sexual frustration was mixing with resentment at whoever Y/N was giving her affection to until it turned into something acidic that resembled jealously. This. Just. Wasn’t. Fair.

To make matters worse, when Jimin entered the conference room and sat down, wondering how in the world he was going to survive this meeting, Y/N took the seat next to him with a cheerful little smile. Jimin really couldn’t change seats without seeming rude, so he was forced to sit and smell and brush knees with Y/N for hours. Jimin wondered how unlucky he had to be to choose a seat near Y/N’s ‘someone’ (why else would she choose to sit there next to him?) He glanced around and … oh if it was Jungkook or Namjoon it would really be torture.

And if Jimin thought Y/N unconsciously drawing attention to her mouth was bad, it was nothing compared to Y/N being purposely enticing. She licked her lips, pouted in boredom, applied chap stick, and nibbled at her bottom lip in such a come-hither manner it was indecent. When at last the conference ended and Taehyung had no crazier ideas to throw out on the table, Jimin nearly cried with relief. It was over, and there was nothing standing between him and the door-

“Jimin! Wait up.” he had spoken too soon. Forcing down the urge to bolt, he plastered on a smile and turned around.

“Y/N. What can I do for you?” he asked as the other workers slowly filed out of the room, leaving them alone in the large conference room.

“Nothing much.” she said, playing with the short sleeves of her dress, making Jimin curse himself for telling her to wear such a thing. The room was uncomfortably warm to Jimin, making him sweat a little bit. Did Y/N really have to follow all of Jimin’s advice?

“I just wanted to thank you, you know for … well this.” she said gesturing to herself.

“It was no problem at all, did you think you finally caught the attention of your ‘someone’?” Jimin asked with fake interest.

“I’m not sure, he seemed really uncomfortable and distant today. Maybe, it didn’t work?” she wondered out loud. Jimin blanked. If it didn’t work, then that means that Y/N would be doing this again, and again, and again. Jimin doesn’t think he would be alive for much longer if she did.

“Jimin?” Y/N called.

“I’m sorry, but what did you say?” he asked, running a hand through his black hair.

“Kookie asked me out to lunch this afternoon. I was asking if we could take off at the same time.”

Jimin suddenly felt that acidic jealousy rise up in his throat like bile, filling him with a rage and possessiveness he never felt before.

“No, you can’t.” Jimin’s voice was suddenly harsh, making Y/N taken aback at his change of attitude.

“Why not?” she encouraged Jimin to continue speaking.

“I don’t think that will be good for the two of you to go out alone. Especially with you looking like … that.” he said, allowing his eyes to rake over her body. His eyes lingered over her curves and the swell of her breast, making him groan inwardly.

“Kookie and I have gone out together before, why can’t we go out now?” Y/N asked. Jimin let out a small growl and shook his head, his eyes turning into slits.

“Because I said so Y/N.”

“But why Jimin? Why can’t you just give me an explanation?”

“Because, I don’t have to explain myself to you, I’m your superior Y/N and you shouldn’t be questioning me like this.” Jimin snapped; he could feel his anger and jealousy rise.

“I just don’t understand what the big deal is.” Y/N raised her voice, making Jimin slam her against the wall of the conference room, caging her in between her arms. Y/N stared up at Jimin with wide eyes, he has never acted like this with her before.

“Don’t you know how frustrating it is seeing you with a guy that’s not me?! Couldn’t you see how those guys were eyeing you up throughout the meeting? I should be the only one to look at you like that! It makes me so angry that they can look at you like that, I just want be possessive of you! You’re just so god damn attractive it’s hard to control myself around you, imagine how other guys would be with you! And you taking all of my advice … god it’s so sexually frustrating when you look so sexy and smell so good and I had to endure all of that throughout the meeting; do you know how many times I had to refrain from pulling you away and just taking you myself?! Y/N, I’m so in love with you, why can’t you just understand that?! That’s why I won’t let you go with Jungkook, because I’m afraid he’ll get to you before I can!” Jimin yelled, his eyes blowing up with jealousy and something else hidden behind it. Y/N just stared at Jimin with her mouth open, trying to comprehend Jimin’s confession.

“Jimin, you know that ‘special someone’ I asked you about the other day? Well, it was really you the whole time.” Y/N smirked, making Jimin gasp softly in shock.

“That’s why I came over that night, because I wanted to know how to entice you.” Y/N admitted. Jimin chuckled, biting his lower lip as he looked between Y/N’s eyes and her lips.

“You should’ve told me sooner, jagiya.” Jimin whispered, his voice was low and seductive, making Y/N lick her lips.

“You should’ve acted upon it sooner Jimin.” Y/N teased back, her voice coming out as smooth as velvet.

“You little vixen.” Jimin growled playfully as he closed the space between their lips. Y/N eagerly responded to his kiss, moving her lips against his with just as much passion as he gave to her. Jimin placed his hands on her ass, playfully giving it a smack and a squeeze. Y/N gasped and allowed Jimin to slip his tongue into her mouth, electing a moan from the girl pinned against the wall. Their tongues tangled together as Y/N ran her hands through Jimin’s hair, tugging softly on the black strands. Jimin growled into her mouth and he hoisted her up, wrapping her legs around his waist as they continued to make out against the wall of the conference room.

The two of them suddenly heard giggling. They both parted away from each other’s mouth to spot Jimin’s friends peering through the door, the six of them apparently watching the fiasco.

“See hyung, I told you he would finally pluck up the courage to ask Y/N out! You owe me lunch!” Taehyung said happily, smiling his box smile to Yoongi who groaned in annoyance.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you want.” Yoongi agreed reluctantly, causing the other guys to start fulfilling the bets they had placed with Taehyung earlier today. Y/N giggled and looked back towards Jimin, who looked beyond livid at the interruption.

“Hey, you can’t kill him. After all, he’s the reason we met.” Y/N pointed out. Jimin smiled down at Y/N and pecked her lips, setting her back down on the ground.

“You’re right, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hurt him,” Jimin said devilishly, making Y/N laugh as he started to chase an amused Taehyung around the conference room. Y/N would never admit that it was Taehyung who urged Y/N to visit Jimin that night, and that she owed him a meal as well for a jobs well done.

6

it’s like a step by step guide for how to feel bad.

youtube

The bane of Undertale’s fame:
its not that great if you have it spoiled for you, and so many people know the true pacifist run and genocide run, but in some parts, the neutral endings, including the no mercy where you only kill all the monsters you encounter but you don’t grind like in genocide, are equally emotionally powerful. 
you are meant to kill Toriel your first time through, if you get her health near low, she will always have that critical hit that destroyed her, I tried editing the values of my attack, its impossible, you will never get her health super low without killing her. We are so used to Pokemon and other games we just assume it follows game logic, and not real logic that if you beat the crap out of someone, its very easy to kill them, sometimes all it takes is one hit to the head and they snap their neck or suffer fatal brain trauma or fall in a way that smashed their skull.

even the sparing is deceitful, the game says talking isn’t the answer, and if you spare her, you get a response of “……” which usually means in games that its wrong, that she isn’t going to respond to that, if you do it again, you get two lines of “……” which if you don’t pay attention can easily be confused as being the same as what she said the first time, so you think its not getting a different outcome so you never try the 3rd time. You also never know that she isn’t going to stop doing any damage when you get badly hurt, so you heal before reaching that low and think you need to act fast before dying or running out of food.  everything you learn in this fight ends up being completely gone against in the Asgore fight (which I always saw as a major design flaw, I always thought talking to Asgore all the way, keeping the pie and eating it, and then maybe missing once or stalling by using items you cant eat or trying to act again should end the fight, so you can actually end the fight without having to beat up Asgore and do what the Toriel fight taught you to not ever try.) 

Conversation with a Unicorn

Concerns about posting spirit conversations

Request a conjuring for a conversation

A beautiful Paint horse unicorn steps through my portal. I ask if he will wait while I type. “Yes,” he replies, “but not long.” I quickly greet him. “Greetings,” he says. “I am here to answer your questions.”

I ask if he has any information about unicorns to share. “No, not really. Much of our lore can be researched. It is not hidden lore.” I ask if unicorns mind being conjured in general. “No, as long as we are not bombarded by stupid questions,” he says. I feel he is giving me a hint. For some reason my mind is blank, I cannot think of anything useful to say. My mother gets home from work and interrupts me, but the unicorn patiently waits.

I ask if most unicorns are skilled in magic, and if conjured, what use they could perhaps provide to a human mage. “This is a selfish question,” he posits. “I do not exist to serve humans, nor do any of my kind.” I apologize and try to restate my question, but he interrupts me. “I know what you mean, however. Unicorns are skilled in magic, we know the holy magic of the Earth.” I ask what unicorns like. “We are varied in person as are humans. Our personalities differ from horse to horse.” I’m feeling a bit foolish because I have nothing intelligent to say or ask.

I say I seek wisdom. “You need it,” he helpfully proffers. I ask if unicorns will bless those who wear their icons or have pictures of a unicorn on their altar. “Yes,” he says. “We do not turn away those seeking help. Only make sure your needs are not based in greed. And you must let us know when you wear the icon or image, for we do not keep track of ever y manufactured unicorn item. Are you eating soup?” I say I was indeed eating soup. “Humans are quite strange to turn liquid in to food,” he says. I ask what sort of blessings an expectant person may hope for from a unicorn. “If we like you very much we will deliver a unicorn unto you to watch over you in person, but this is not brokered by humans.” What he means is, a human cannot make a unicorn be their ally; the unicorns decide who gets this special guardianship. “For others we will give them a good aura.” I set my spellbook down. “No,” he says. “That book protects you, you must pick it up again at once.” I do so. “Now you are shielded,” he notes with approval. I ask what it is about my spellbook that keeps me safe. “It loves you,” he says. I am not entirely sure what this means.

I ask if there is a special sort of human which a unicorn favors. “You care a lot about what we think of humans. I daresay we do not think about humans as much as you think about us. We will help those in need, as I said.” I ask if there is any good spell of prosperity or protection, or something else useful, which he can share.

“Put a unicorn on your altar, and pray to us. Then if we like you we will help you,” he says. This prayer does not denote worship, but is rather a way of talking or communicating with unicorns that you desire their help. I ask if unicorns require offerings. “That would be polite,” he says. I do not feel I would get anything else from him. “A word of advice,” he says. “Prepare before you conjure.” I thank him but he is already gone.

sometimes i wonder if it’s possible for some of you to reblog a picture of a woman without adding a graphic comment about how you would “destroy” her and the food items you would eat out of her ass

and then i wonder where you’re parents went wrong