it-was-one-size-fits-all

anonymous asked:

Serious question here and I've spent an entire day on this. I must know, can you make a bioshock Big Daddy cosplay?! I'm in need of one and I can't find a single person who will make it

wh– whaaa? You mean like the whole cosplay? As a commission or wha–??

Hm….
If it really is a serious question, Vince has even had inquiries from others asking for an entire Genji cosplay recently and has been told by the individual that money isn’t an issue (because i’d tell you right now, that is in the thousands from my own guesstimate), but the problem lies in how close a person lives near. Measurements are a must and only certain things can be done in person which is also why I am assuming you could not find any info on this ^^;;

Heck people have even tried to buy his cosplay (although it definitely is not a one size fits all aha)

That is.. very tricky for an entire huge set of armor my friend ;w;
Nothing is impossible, but I have no idea if he would be interested in such a feat

I think one of the things that white feminism / terf feminism misses completely about WOC is that there is a difference between being sexualized and being found attractive and how that affects women of color as a result.

White women in the media are both sexualized and viewed as ideal and conventionally attractive, white women tend to take a position that pushes back on all forms of the male gaze which includes both sexualization, and being viewed as conventionally attractive.

Which is fine because of their dominant position as the apple of men’s eye they’re never going to doubt themselves as the most attractive species (even when it’s unwanted and generally unfavorable, and comes with a strict set of rules and beauty standards, because even if a white girl feels ugly, internal racism is still going to make her value herself higher than brown girls) but generally when white women reject beauty standards, they have enough support that it doesn’t adversely affect their mental well-being.

Now onto WOC. The system is completely different, woc are considered play things and sexual objects in a way that is unparalleled by their white counterparts. White women don’t /want/ to feel beautiful woc never /got/ to. And that matters, in a world where beauty, especially for women, determines worth, when women of color were never considered beautiful in the first place, their self worth is nonexistent.

So when woc say things like “I want to feel beautiful” a lot of white women mistake that for “I want to look good for men” which can be true if you’re white (even though everyone should be allowed to feel attractive in whatever way they want)

But with women of color the meaning shifts to more like “I want to feel like I have value, I want to feel loved and respected and to be attractive. Eurocentric beauty standards have never fit me, and with those being all the media I ever consumed, they’ve cemented themselves in my brain, I deserve to be desirable in a non inherently sexual way.”

And white women literally can’t empathize with this, which is okay! But there has to be an understanding that feminism isn’t one size fits all in which white women are the proxy.

  • Trump administration: We're rolling back the protections for trans students because it should be left up to the states. This isn't a one-size-fits-all situation, the states have rights, they should be able to chose whether or not they offer protections to vulnerable children and teens. We're a state's rights party uwu.
  • Also the Trump administration: We're looking into enforcing the federals laws that deal with recreational marijuana because these stickin' states think that they have rights or something.

[ May is BPD ( Borderline Personality Disorder ) awareness month & I wanted to drop this here, for my followers to see.

Why am I posting this, you might ask ? Yes. I HAVE BPD. I’ve had it for at least 10 years in various levels of severity. BPD isn’t the only personality disorder nor mental disorder I have either, & I am not scared to say it.

BPD awareness is close to my heart. I try to make sure I tell to every single person I plan to become a closer friends with that I have this disorder & ask them to try to understand me the best they can. Hell, I sometimes don’t even understand myself… Because of this ( these ) disorders I have always been more or less misunderstood & I have never really “fit the norm” how people should behave. I just… Didn’t understand how emotions work, like many other BPD sufferers. I didn’t know how to voice them out in other way than anger or over-reacting that stems from neglect I had to endure ever since I was a toddler — that is how I learned to survive in the middle of abuse. I am not saying this as an “understand me because I am a special snowflake”, no, everyone should TRY TO UNDERSTAND each other REGARDLESS.

How can you become better at understanding us ? By listening. By asking us questions & not second guess. Educate yourself on the subject if you have a friend, a family member or anyone close to you that suffers from BPD. Or educate yourself even if you don’t, the more knowledge the better.

Now to the stigmas. I am sick & tired of people stigmatizing ANYTHING & I want to debunk these from my personal perspective. Sometimes we do it without even realizing it, stigmatizing… Which we should try our best to break free from.

I am not selfish. I have too many things I need to deal with every day, I might not be the best person to put other people’s needs first as well as someone that isn’t dealing with extreme mood swings that can last from literally 15 SECONDS to couple of hours. I do care about you. I just sometimes don’t have the strength to carry both of our burdens.
I am not manipulative —- I just don’t know how to voice my strong emotions right without sounding hostile or pushy.
I am not an attention seeker. Once again, I just don’t know how to voice my emotions out early enough before I’ve bottled everything up, then everything just explodes because I become so overwhelmed & it seems like I am making the situation a horrible shit storm of drama.
I am not treatment resistant — I thought I was, but my medications are set & suit me. I attend therapy & have been for 1.5 years & it helps. I do not abuse alcohol, drugs or sex, I am actively combating self harm & suicidalness every single day. I will never be cured, but I will be better.
Only thing in this list I can agree with is BPD people being difficult because being difficult is SUBJECTIVE. We as humans don’t have an “one size fits all” base for our tolerance — all of us tolerate certain things to certain extents.

I am not a monster.

Unless you really know me & we have a mutual understanding between each other you have NO RIGHT to stigmatize me or say what kind of a person I am. So many people start to abuse me & tell how horrible person I am because I am behaving in a certain way because I just don’t know better. I don’t know how else to behave. & I know it’s wrong if I behave badly, I am not perfect. But you still have no right to verbally abuse me. Hell, you have no right to do that to ANYONE.

My disorders do not determine me. My disorders are not ME.

These stigmas just make everything worse, for everyone. These stigmas surrounding us make us BPD sufferers AFRAID to admit we have BPD. We are AFRAID to seek for help. We’re AFRAID to even talk about the subject in any way & we keep suffering, feeling alone in this hellhole of a world that might never understand us.

Don’t succumb to the stigma. Don’t be afraid of someone with BPD, some of us suffer in silence & struggle internally, some of us voice our emotions out in a very immature way, we’re not all the same. Imagine someone whose most outer layer of skin has been peeled completely off. You are red & raw, even a soft breeze of wind hurts. Even the smallest touch can make anyone SCREAM from pain. That is what BPD emotions are like. We know how we behave is not right, but we most of the time can’t help it. We learned these ways to behave from trauma — we had to do SOMETHING to survive & now we are stuck with a certain way of behavior, a survival method that might get triggered by even the smallest things. We feel like we are in serious danger & we need to defend ourselves at least somehow. We know how we have learned to survive doesn’t work anymore, some of us are in so much better place than we were before but we just can’t break free without professional help or dedicated self treatment, such as Mindfulness, yoga & meditation.

Not all of our bad behaviors are BPD based, but it’s very likely most of them are. You don’t need to understand us, just at least try to.

We are not perfect. You aren’t perfect either. We all make mistakes, some just more than others. Deep down inside we are just like you. We are human, we are flawed & we feel emotions. We are trying our best to be “normal” & not hurt anyone.

For other BPD sufferers — there is hope. Someone loves you. & you should love yourself, too.

This has been a PSA. Thank you for reading. Thank you for trying to understand. ]

6

Why build a tiny house instead of buying existing small house or trailer?

The biggest reason for me is creative empowerment.

There are so many things we aren’t in control over. But one of them, if you have some money put aside, is your shelter. There’s something incredibly validating about building my own shelter.

If you think about it, how many things do you create on a daily basis, vs consume? How much of your individualized potential is being expressed in your daily life, vs molded by others?

So many of us wake up in beds designed for the masses, wearing one size fits all PJs, grabbing our push-button coffee out the door on the way to our increasingly commoditized jobs in the car with the “best reviews”.

Best not become unemployed or you’ll lose access to your pharmaceutically manufactured pills. That would make the CEOs very angry.

I sleepwalked through 3 years of consumption before I finally realized I’m not even participating in my own life!

In my house, everything is exactly how I want. And if it’s not, I’ll have intimate knowledge how to change it.

Solar power, heated floors, loft speakers, enclosed shower, four-burner range… Hell a garden in my living room if I so desire. I can have it all in 150 sq ft. for about $30,000. And go anywhere with all that too. And no one can evict me or foreclose on it.

Abuse isn’t a one size fits all type of thing despite popular belief. Your personal experience with abuse doesn’t have to be a certain way for it to be valid. Abuse can be emotional, physical, mental..etc. Abusers can go through periods of time where they will have you believe that things will never get bad again. You don’t deserve abuse and your experience is valid. You are not alone.

ML Ultimate Guess Who fic recs

I just finished binge-reading every single fic in the ML Ultimate Guess Who Challenge, where 42 (42!!!!) writers’ fics were published anonymously, and the fandom guesses who they are based on their writing style, chosen plot, or just arbitrarily (lol). This was organized by @mlficwritersanon​, and they even have prizes for it. It’s great. Reading all these was a TREAT, and now I have less than an hour left to submit my guesses. But before I do that, I thought I’d make a rec list of my favorites in the collection, without knowing who the authors are. (Which is kind of the whole point of the challenge, I think?)

COMMENCE REC’ING!

One Size Fits All (or- Harder-Better-Faster-Stronger)
In which Kim becomes Ladybug. Just putting a link to this already makes me cackle. This is so well-written! It’s in Kim’s voice, and it’s so 100% solid and adorable and appropriately exasperating at times and just altogether enjoyable. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED. It’s one of the lesser kudo’d fics in the collection, and that baffles me.

Premier Amour
A classic reveal fic that tugged on my heartstrings like heck.

Macaron Kisses
This piece is filled to the brim with wonderful imagery, heartwarming descriptions, and giggle-inducing feels. Exquisite.

Dredging Up the Past
If you’re a fan of Ladybug!Sabine (and even if you aren’t) this will be so worth your time. Sabine and Tikki interactions, and lots and lots and lots of family feels packed in a sweet little ficlet. I would not mind at all to know more about this AU.

Tomorrow’s Troubles
OKAY. LISTEN. THIS. THIS. THIS FIC. THis fic filled my heart with bittersweet, sad happiness, and I was resigned and excited to how it might end unTIL THE ENDING SUCKERPUNCHED ME LIKE FREAKIN’ FRICK WHO DOES THAT ALD;JFA;LKDSJF;LAJDLFJAL;SD THIS IS AMAZINGGAAAAAHHHHH

A Queens Relevation
A Chloé fic pretending to be Ladynoir. Or a Ladynoir fic pretending to be a Chloé fic. Or it’s not pretending at all, and it’s both at the same time and doing an A+ being it. Miraqulous squad feels with amazing introspection and well-written character interactions. Very nicely done.

Bladeybug
Gotta admit that a lot of this fic flew over my head, but I cannot deny its awesomeness. It would be a crime to not rec it.

A simple woman
A reveal fic involving Mme. Bustier, with lots of Adrienette/Ladynoir cuteness. Wonderful.

Orion’s Belt
Afla;djfl;ajdf;alkjd;lgksjfgl THE LADYNOIR FEELS.

Dryer Machines and Lost Masks
There’s one golden Sabine line here, but to quote it would be to spoil the whole thing. So just read this hilarity.

must be love
ALL THE LADYNOIR FEELS ALDKJFA;LKDJF;ADJ;GAD;FKA;KDFA

No Matter How You Spin It
Fun squad interaction, Adrien being super observant Sherlock would be proud, and more sassy-but-actually-nice-it-you-look-closely-enough Chloé. But I’m mostly here for the onesies and the cake.

It Had to be Her…
YES. YES. YES TO THIS. LISTEN TO ME.  If you enjoyed my fic Friendly Competition, GO READ THIS FIC IMMEDIATELY.

A Familiar Pattern
This is the first fic I read out of the whole bunch. Golden friendly!Adrienette interaction, and….uh….not-so-friendly-but-actually-hot-and-sickeningly-sweet Adrienette/Ladynoir interaction. BLESS THIS FIC. READ IT AND GIVE ALL THE KUDOS.

dropping hints
Someone please save Chat Noir. This is all GOLD, my goodness, I was cackling the whole time. Please read and enjoy.

Just Asking For Some Privacy
Miraculous Squad hilarity! The interactions are AMAZING, and so in-character…. or at least as in-character as they could be while in full on panic and mortification. BRILLIANT.

Mint Two-Lips
The Adrienette/Ladynoir is STRONG in this one. I would love, love, love, love a sequel!

Her
I- I’m not- I don’t think I can write a description that can give it this fic justice. It destroyed and repaired my heart and I literally had tears in my eyes at the beauty of this fic. The collection was enjoyable, but this one is my ultimate favorite in this whole thing. MAGNIFICENT. 


Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who participated in this, especially the organizers.

If anyone needs it again, here’s the link to the collection. Happy reading! 

anonymous asked:

Im thinking of following you, but before I do, what are your opinions on the following: -abortion -BLM -Asexual and aromantic people -punching nazis -non-binary people -trump -the Muslim Ban -dads getting equality in custody battles -teen vogue writing on politics -an LGBTQ+ Disney Princess -an LGBTQ+ Disney Prince Thank you for your time ... and I hope you find $20 or something : )

Ha! Answering for the record and for existing followers, not for the like or the $20, although I’ll happily take both.

1.  abortion: 

1,000% pro-choice. I created a masterpost on the hypocrisy of the pro-life movement.

Receipts: http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/pro-choice

2.  BLM:

Support 1,000%. I’m a white person who is dedicated to fighting racism, confronting other white people, and promoting POC rights, equality and representation.

Receipts: http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/black-lives-matter

3.  Asexual and aromantic people:

Love ‘em and got their back. ACE AND ARO PRIDE NOT ERASURE

Receipts: http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/ace

4.  punching nazis:

5.  non-binary people:

Love ‘em and got their back. LOVE, RESPECT AND PROTECT TRANS AND NON-BINARY PEOPLE.

Receipts: (lots of overlap between tags, specific NB stories are tagged non-binary)

http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/transgender

http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/nonbinary

6.  trump:

Evil incarnate. Threat to humanity. Needs impeaching immediately for conspiracy with Russians to rig the election. 

Receipts: http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/donald-trump

7.  the Muslim Ban:

NO BAN NO WALL. Racist AF, needs to be stopped at every attempt.

Receipts: http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/muslim-ban

8. dads getting equality in custody battles

Custody decisions need to be made on a case-by-case basis, based on the best interests of the child. There is no “one size fits all” statement when it comes to something so specific to the individuals involved. 

9.  teen vogue writing on politics:

They’re killing it. Others need to follow their lead.

Receipts: http://profeminist.tumblr.com/tagged/teen-vogue

10.  an LGBTQ+ Disney Princess -an LGBTQ+ Disney Prince:

Long overdue!

Disney Pride Graphics - free to use

I hope you find $20 or something : ) 

I hope so too!

College Comparison and Application Checklists

Hi guys! As an obsessive spreadsheet maker, I am constantly using Excel for EVERYTHING, including when preparing to apply for college. I’ve just been told that, for once, the spreadsheets I made for comparing college options and organizing my application checklist are actually helpful, so I’m here to share them!

The first can be used for initially comparing and deciding which colleges you are interested in and the second can be used more as a checklist to see if everything has been submitted or completed.

To make things convenient, I’ve made them available in Google Sheets, from which you can copy to your own Google Drive or download as a Microsoft Excel file! They are also both editable so that you can add or remove categories and compare what’s important to you. Colleges are not one-size-fits-all, so feel free to edit the spreadsheets to cater to you. As a quick example, I’ve used Harvard to demonstrate what each category is for, but you can use it however you see fit. Since I personally have not looked into Harvard, the examples used are not the most thorough, but they should still provide a general idea.

**DISCLAIMER: I am still in high school and have not yet applied or gone to any colleges/universities. I am no expert on college admissions and do not know everything about finding and selecting the perfect college. Please keep this in mind. Any constructive feedback is welcome!

College Comparison Spreadsheet:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1AVSidBtOpGOHafgkHVeKYSL0ceyaSZvx2VNzIG3uZTc/edit?usp=sharing

College Application Checklist:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1ncT6dwddihoQOLsW17c6wZuXXqrp5F4hIqPWnop5M7M/edit?usp=sharing

To use, click on the link, go to “file”, then either click “make a copy” and save to your drive or click “download” and then whatever format you want. A guide to using each is below the cut. Happy college hunting and good luck!

Keep reading

When I log into tumblr I see a variety of amazing people all trying to find their way to health. I see people who want to lose 200+ pounds and those who want to lose 15. I see some people trying out intermittent fasting to keep their binge eating in check, while other people like to eat multiple small meals a day. I see people who feel ketosis helps keep them satisfied while burning their body’s fat and at the same time people who can’t feel full without some carbs. I see vegans, vegetarians, and omnivores. I see people eating clean and people just casually trying to cut calories. I see people trying to drink more water, simply move more, and eat out less. I see people wanting to run marathons and people who just want to walk a few more steps. I see people preparing for weight loss surgery. I see people using food to fight disease whether that be diabetes, auto-immune diseases, or PCOS. I see people trying to do their best in a world that wants to make being healthy complicated, monetized, and practically impossible.

Do I agree with everyone’s diet? No way! But most of the time I don’t even follow my own guidelines enough to feel comfortable policing anyone else. Everyday I try to be better. I allow myself to learn and I move forward so I can grow into better, stronger, and healthier person. I try to do what works for me and I respect that you know what works for you.

Every single person I follow is unique and different and I respect your journey to find what works for you. We don’t need to tear down each other down when were all simply taking our own path to the same destination. There is no one size fits all answer to health and everyone’s experiences are valid.

dear clothing manufacturers:

  • make sleeves go all the way to the wrist
  • stop putting shelf bras in everything
  • make jeans for short people with big butts
  • make shirts out of anything more substantial than gossamer
  • stop putting hanger straps on everything, they’re fn annoying and we’re disasters who don’t use them anyway
  • fake pockets???!!? FAKE POCKETS??!!?
  • put pockets on everything i am serious
  • charge less than half what you’re currently charging for shorts
  • end ‘one size fits all’ forever
  • size women’s clothing the way you size men’s clothing: with MEASUREMENTS
  • basically stop everything you’re doing and start over completely and don’t be rude dusty dongs this time
Dear Anti Tony Stark Community,

yes, in am well aware that Tony Stark is fictional, as do I understand why it may be difficult to understand a character you may not be able to relate to. However, I don’t think many of you realize the message you’re sending to fellow Marvel fans, and people and general with mental illnesses. By not supporting and validating his manifestations of mental illness, you harm an already taboo and shunned community of people who’s symptoms, like Tony’s, can be destructive and scary.  I 100% empathize with Team Cap. Bucky has been through unimaginable pain and deserves to be protected and supported, as do most of the others. Bucky is seen as a martyr. His pain, his suffering, his mental illness is “pure” and “beautiful”. He is on a pedestal. His issues are handled in an idealized fashion.  As someone who is has symptoms in both categories, I’m not saying Bucky isn’t valid, he very much is, HOWEVER, don’t you dare tell me that Tony Stark is not valid in his pain as well. All of the demonized traits and actions of the man you hate so much stem directly from his own issues. From the beginning of his life, he was a victim of verbal, emotional, and (if the comics are being followed in MCU) physical.  That alone fucks shit up in a person.  Over the course of his life, he’s been taken advantage of by “friends” and romantic partners, betrayed by his only father figure (Obadiah) and best friend (Rhodey in IM2), degraded and demonized by the media and press, kidnapped by terrorists, tortured repeatedly (as a civilian, nonetheless), suffered (misplaced) guilt and over illegal weapons dealing he had no part in and dedicates his life to making right, had a near death experience with the arc reactor, experienced severe PTSD after flying a nuke into a wormhole to save the world, had his mind manipulated by Wanda to take advantage of his love for his teammates and need to protect the world, been physically and mentally abused by said teammates/friends (Natasha in IM2, after he trusts her, Thor in AoU, Team Cap in CW), found out his parents were murdered after having it kept from him by a trusted friend, left by the woman he loves, and other more minor things as well (feel free to add to that list yourself).  

Tony Stark’s mental illness is different than the rest of the MCU characters because it is not beautiful.  He is depressed, paranoid, traumatized, and isolated.  I’m not saying he is guiltless, far from it.  He made bad choices.  He has been selfish, ignorant, volatile, confrontational, defensive, and irresponsible.  But that doesn’t discount his suffering.  Drawing on my own experiences and research, he has classic PTSD and anxiety (panic attacks, flashbacks, nightmares, paranoia), severe symptoms of depression (isolation, self deprecation, alcohol abuse, suicidal tendencies, guilt, hopelessness), and a possible bipolar or personality disorder (manic energy/hyperactivity, impulsiveness, restlessness, anger).  His creation of Ultron (and other post-Afghanistan behavior) was, in my opinion, the culmination of severe, UNTREATED mental illness and trauma.  There is no evidence in any canon of him receiving counseling, medication or support for his issues, nor are they treated with the consideration, care, or sympathy of the others.  Instead, he becomes the villain.  

The point I’m trying to make is that alienating and abusing those with destructive manifestations of mental illness is not only wrong, it’s harmful to the individual, as well as society.  Mental illness is not pretty or easily sympathized with.  It can be screaming and anger and pushing loved ones away.  It can be recklessness and mania and skewed judgement and ugly breakdowns.  Tony and Bucky are different, but in many ways the same.  The only reason that one is adored and the other hated, is the stigma surrounding an honest portrayal of mental illness.  When you call Tony Stark a villain, a selfish bastard and an irresponsible, egotist, all you’re doing is telling the world that you only support those with depression, PTSD, anxiety and other disorders if they fit into a glorified mold of what mental illness is.  What validates one character demonizes another.  When you say those things, you hurt people like me who love Tony because we see ourselves in him.  He’s not unattainable or better than us.  He is relatable.  He is me.  It feels amazing to see someone we admire so much in a flawed way that makes us feel valid and represented in a positive way, not as the villain, but as the hero for once.  Whether you agree with me or not is up to you, but please, PLEASE, at least think about what you’re saying next time you post.  It could be more hurtful than you know.  Remember, pain is relative, and there is no one size fits all for mental illness.  Support people in pain, even if it’s not easy.


( @itstonystarkbitch back me up, fam)

My dear lgbt+ children, 

Many messages i get on this blog are things like “My family says homophobic things but i’m still in the closet, i don’t know what to do”,

My best friend uses transphobic slurs but how do i tell her that it hurts me without telling her i am trans? I can’t come out yet” 

or other variants of “How to react to lgbt+-phobia when still in the closet?”. 

I’ve been planning to write a letter that answers this question for a while now - but to be honest, i postponed it because it’s a difficult situation to be in and there’s no one-size-fits-all answer. There’s not the one golden perfect solution to it. 

Instead, i’ll suggest several different possible solutions as you know your own situation and your family member/friend/the person better than i do. 

Without further bla bla, here’s the list: 

Possible ways to react to lgbt+-phobia when you’re in the closet: 

Example: Person says “I would never date a bi girl, they’re cheaters” 

Educate neutrally: “Bi means you’re attracted to two or more genders, it has nothing to do with faithfulness”, state a neutral fact that dismantles the lgbt+phobic statement without talking about yourself at all

May work best if: the person is indeed just uneducated about lgbt+ topics (rather than downright hateful), is okay with being proven wrong, is not overly suspicious of why you defend lgbt+ people (in case them finding out you are lgbt+ would put you in danger)

Play the “good straight ally” card: “That’s not true, one of my friends is bi and she would never cheat”, out yourself as a supporter rather than a member of the lgbt+ community 

May work best if: the person doesn’t know all your friends/you can easily make up a friend, the person is one of those people who stop being hateful as soon as their victim has a face 

Ignore and change the topic: “Talking about cheating, have you seen the movie You’ve got mail? It’s a romantic comedy, Sarah said it’s really cute but i didn’t watch it yet.”, say nothing in response to the lgbt+-phobia and try to steer the conversation to nicer topics

May work best if: they are too deep down in their hateful views for any of the above strategies to work, defending lgbt+ people would put you in danger

Avoid the person: This is less of a instant response but more a long-term solution that can only work in some cases. Break off the friendship (maybe gently and slowly by spending less and less time with the person). 

Only works if: you don’t depend on them (sadly this doesn’t work with parents you still live with or co-workers in a job you can’t quit)

May be necessary if: their lgbt+ phobia negatively impacts your mental health

Agree and silently think “F*ck you”: “Yeah, i understand!”, just agree and keep your thoughts to yourself

This is a painful thing to do and can certainly negatively impact your mental health but it may be necessary if: them finding out or even getting suspicious puts you in danger

Do you have any other advice? Feel free to add your thoughts/experiences to this post! 

With all my love, 

Your Tumblr Mom

dysphoria is a disorder. being trans is not.

when it comes to dysphoria, i feel like a lot of people are afraid to really talk about it in any sort of analytical way. i think it’s something that’s incredibly important to talk about, especially with kids, because of all the ways it crops up, but we only really hear about it when we talk about being trans, and if we do, we don’t talk about it for very long and try to ignore it, or shove it under the rug. it’s ‘oh, i have dysphoria’ but never questioning why or trying to understand our very specific and unique, personal brand of dysphoria on a deeper level. it’s hard to face, it absolutely is. i’ve barely gotten there.

body dysphoria can come from a lot of things. for me: parental abuse, bullying, sexual assault, my other disorders, a side effect of my PTSD, a side effect of harsh roles pressured onto me without my consent, such as gender roles. 

i tried everything. medication and talk therapy, to self-harm and drug addiction. nothing helped and nothing took away my pain. i was never happy, i wasn’t able to look myself in the mirror, no matter how much i tried to love myself. i spent years fantasizing about suicide. the only times i felt happy were when i was able to ‘pretend’ to be someone else, live off in a different world. i had no control over my body or my self-expression.

when i escaped the worst of my abuse, i was finally able to really analyze myself and discover things about myself safely. after coming to terms with why i felt this way, understanding myself and how i could benefit and be harmed by my choices, i decided transitioning medically was the last thing i could do to try and help the dysphoria i had to such a massive scale. so i started hormone therapy.

and i was right, my quality of life is significantly higher, i am finally able to love myself, i am now finally able to respond to talk therapy and be productive and think for the future and engage with the world - 

but i think a lot of people assume that dysphoria is exclusively a trans thing. i would be surprised if i ever met someone who had never once experienced dysphoria in some way. and i think it’s important that we recognize that many of us have dysphoria, and having dysphoria doesn’t automatically mean you’re trans or that medically transitioning is the only way to be happy. 

i think what we need to do is understand that everyone has a unique experience with dysphoria. and it’s very easy to fall into the trap of seeing what worked for someone else and replicate it without really thinking about how it will effect us personally, and when it comes to things that can be permanent this is really dangerous. 

being trans is part of my therapy and part of my self-made, personalized prescription against dysphoria. we need to create thoughtful, purposeful, and educational ways to discuss dysphoria openly and give kids the tools to deal with it as best they can so they can be ready to make their own educated decisions about their own bodies and find out what makes them, PERSONALLY, happy and fulfilled and comfortable with themselves inside and out.

i see a lot of people sad that they’re not where i am because i am happy, but they equate being happy with medically transitioning without really thinking for themselves whether it’s really right for them. because for some people it isn’t all they thought it was going to be. it’s not a magic thing that will make all of your problems go away and i know some people think this, i thought that before i sat down with myself. some people tell me how lucky i am, how wonderful my life must be - and yes, there is some weight off my back, but there’s a dangerous slope of thinking that anything will make your problems suddenly vanish. there are bad things and good things. life is not a perfect upwards incline since starting T. it’s rocky, it can be frustrating, i still have bad days.

the only way to make your problems go away is to try and find the source, find the resources, find the ability and wording to explain to yourself why you need something, why you want something, how what you want can help you and how it can hurt you and what YOUR truth is. not anybody else’s. your truth will not be someone else’s truth. nobody else can tell you what your truth is and nobody can know better than you. someone else’s truth is not yours, and trying to apply it to your life without any criticism of yourself and how you really, really feel can hurt you. 

learning to love yourself and overcoming body issues is not an exclusively trans experience. body dysphoria is an incredibly powerful and terrible thing that we as humans often experience to massively different degrees, and there is no one-size-fits-all ‘cure’. you’re the only one who can make yours. be honest with yourself and write things out, explain yourself to yourself openly and at your own pace, and come to your truth. it’s going to be better than anybody else’s truth and it’s going to be tailor-made for you.

anonymous asked:

I've seen several photos portraying Japanese girl gangs fighting in long pleated skirts. how viable of an outfit is this in terms of combat?

I’m going to avoid talking about the cultural context for the skirts, which there is and just focus on the practicality.

The answer to any question involving combat is “it depends”, and when we talk about an article of clothing that is dependent on that specific article of clothing. It also depends on the kind of combat you plan to have your character engaging in. Street brawls are very different from armored melee. If your character is a female soldier, she’ll be dressing according to whatever regulations her military has (that could involve a skirt for dress uniforms, but battle and dress are different).

There is no “one-size fits all” approach as the field of battle matters, the kind of opponent matters, the skill level of all parties involved matters, context matters. What your intentions are matter.

They all factor into the decision making process. What you need to do when looking at articles of clothing and trying do decide if it’s a yes or no is learn to think from the internal perspective of someone who would actually be engaging in physical conflict. If you’re thinking of someone heading into a dangerous situation where they couldn’t outwardly look like they were expecting trouble then the question is: if you expected to be caught and forced to fight, what kind of clothing would you prefer to be caught in?

It starts with you and we work our way out from there as you learn more about the conditional nature of combat. When it comes to Hollywood, the irony is that most of the clothing male action heroes wear will work for basic street combat whereas the clothing for women won’t. Would you want to be hunting monsters through the sewers in six inch heels? Probably not.

For what the girl gangs are doing, it works. In fact, it works better than a miniskirt or any other tight clothing common for women in the US or the leather bondage outfits you often see women fighting in on television. You’ll still see women in the real world wear those. Not because it works, mind you, but because they’re afraid they won’t be perceived as feminine, sexy, or attractive. They overcompensate in the wrong direction, the same way Hollywood and media do, and for the exact same reasons.

Sometimes, people make choices that have nothing to do with what’s appropriate or what works. Sometimes, they’re trying to balance between societal expectations, cultural mores, gender constraints, and what they’re trying to accomplish. Sometimes they’re trying to be outside the box and inside the box at the same time. And, sometimes, they can get away with it. What they’re doing and who they’re fighting means they’ve a greater margin for error, versus someone faced with an enemy where they need every advantage they can get.

What you want, especially with street fighting, is freedom of movement.

This is why you often see tank tops or very loose fitting shirts on military personnel. If you’ve got a shirt that fits tightly around the shoulders, that’ll impede your movement, restrict the rotation of the shoulder. If you’re pants are too tight or limit flexibility, then that slows you down and will limit how high you can kick, how well your leg moves, etc.

You want durable clothing.

Clothing that protects you in a fall or when you’re rolling around on the ground. If you can’t see it absorbing impact or protecting you from scrapes when you hit the earth, then it isn’t a good pick.

You want clothes that breathe.

Combat is a high energy exercise, it’s frenetic, it’s fast, and it takes a lot of exertion. If you’ve ever brought the wrong kind of clothing when you’re going jogging or watched makeup melt off girls in P.E. class then you know what I’m talking about. Clothes that cause you to overheat, that don’t allow the heat to escape your body, that you can’t run or sprint in, will actively do you harm in a fight. By participating in exercise with a high energy output, you are already heating up your body. (This is part of why we sweat, we’re cooling our body down.) The hotter you get, the faster you burn through your water. The hotter you get, the faster you reach a point of critical exhaustion which will get you killed.

However, “what works” for combat is heavily dependent on the kind of combat your character plans to (or potentially might) engage in. The rules change based on what you’re doing, what you need, what the chances of success are, who the enemy is, the terrain you’re fighting on.

There’s also the other side, beyond practicality, which is you know, cultural expectations and considerations. How your character feels about gender norms, whether they care about being perceived as feminine or masculine, whether they care about expectations, whether they’re vain, or willing to get themselves killed over fashion.

There’s also the part in fiction where how someone is dressed becomes an indicator for how serious the situation is/threat level is. That’s a visual tell you see used often in film and television.

Remember, skill and experience don’t free you from the same constraints that affect other characters. They just mean your character can make more intelligent choices based on what they know. They can get away with more, but it will still catch up to them in the end.

So, be Helen Mirrim in R.E.D. and take out armed gunmen with a reinforced clutch and the element of surprise.

Try thinking about the situation from the perspective of the character involved rather than overall generic rules. Practicality changes on a situational basis, and there are plenty of people who will go Rule of Cool in real life. This is especially true of gangs, where efficacy loses out to intimidation.

People are people. All the factors going into a decision may not be the ones you expect or are looking for.

-Michi

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Self-care is doing what’s best for you for the long term. Sometimes that means taking it easy, sometimes that means pushing yourself. Sometimes it means saying yes, sometimes it means saying no. Sometimes it’s cutesy, sometimes it’s hard and frustrating and ugly. There is no “one size fits all” when it comes to self-care. Do it your way.