A bottle of whiskey sat in front of the Commander, two-thirds empty. The bottle had started at one-third empty, but that fact was little consolation to the Commander as she sloppily poured herself another shot – she had lost count what number it was.
It was a night of wallowing in self-pity, depression, stress. Sometimes the weight of all the decisions she’s made as Commander Shepard makes her knees buckle and the facade she puts up for both herself and the public eye falters. It’s nights like these that she holes up in her Presidium apartment, flips on the vidscreen to trashy shows, and crawls as far into a bottle of liquor as she can before she passes out on her couch.
The shot falls down her throat like she’s been doing so for years of her life, which is completely true. Whiskey was the drink the Commander turned to when she was in a worse place than usual, but compared to what other liquors meant, this was a mild night. Unfortunately, the other third of the bottle that had been missing before tonight had been downed the previous night during a bout of the same depression and stress that was consuming her currently.
Out of the corner of her eye, as she pours her next shot, she sees a figure. Company? Perhaps she hadn’t locked her apartment door like she thought she had. Green eyes turn up to the figure who was standing just next to her couch and the Commander’s drunken self: Claire.
Her face lights up when she sees the other woman. “Claire! I thought I left my apartment door locked, what are you doing here?” She shakes her head, intensifying the dizziness. “Whoa.” Ariana puts out a hand to steady herself even though her skin only makes contact with the air. “Never mind. Sit down and have a drink!”
Twenty years ago The Simpsons was by far the best animated show on television. A bazillion stupid seasons later and I don’t even want to talk about it.
So I was ready to set alight 2007′s The Simpsons Game for its stupid plots, reliance on pop culture references and celebrity cameos, but it turns out looks can be deceiving. While it’s not Simpsons comedy at its finest, Comic Book Guy counts the clichés and the family make digs at the source material. That’s a long way from setting up grunge rock bands.
The Simpsons Game is a co-op platformer which arms the Simpsons family with not-so-super super powers. It’s not groundbreaking from a gameplay front, and with some unpleasant combat and jumping mechanics, it’s in many ways behind the pack, but what you come for is the presentation, and love or loathe the Simpsons, it can’t be denied this is the closest tie-in yet.
Visually The Simpsons Game is great, or at least would be if it weren’t running on the PlayStation 2. That’s not to undermine the system’s efforts - when all is said and done this is a very good conversion, but the true experience lies elsewhere.
In PS2 land, the ability to wander around Springfield is completely missing, meaning every level is started by walking to the Simpsons’ front door. Coupled with lower sound quality and other absentees, it’s just not the version to choose, but it deserves some credit for its efforts all the same.
But many will need the higher screen resolution to balance the atrocious camera, dragged from some bygone age to spoil your day. Unsuited to precise platforming or 180-degree turns, it gets caught up in scenery and jitters about to no end, in a game already less intuitive than it could be.
The comments can get repetitive and some jokes fall a bit flat, but there’s a lot of heart here. It’s less clever when it starts imitating other game genres, but it’s never disastrous and in some cases could afford go further. Aliens in Springfield and we’re not hiding purple objects? Come on lads!
It gets very lazy towards the end, and you don’t get intros, couch gags or even particularly nice menus. Many of the characters act like heightened parodies of their former selves, so while it’s true to say The Simpsons Game is better than current iterations of the
show, the tone is still very much out of sync with what I grew
But despite its faults, for the right price I’d definitely say it’s one to recommend. I’ve played many Simpsons games and in the coming days will be playing several more - this could be the best. Nicely done.
Times, but we act like its new.
We recycle words like shredding machines, constantly moving.
Have we stopped to appreciate,
What’s in front of our faces?
Or is it too late?
Has this iPhone screen light brightened up my night more than the moon had to offer?
If we don’t stare into the night sky we’ll miss moments to count and memories spread out.
Like the stars gazing down on us, looking up we’ll be found.
Sympathy Card Front of card: My deepest condolences to you during this difficult time. Inside of Card: You never know what worse luck your bad luck has saved you from.
Get Well Soon Card Front of Card: Wishing you a speedy recovery. Get well soon! Inside of Card: Scars have the strange power to remind us that our past is real.
40th Anniversary Card for Wife Front of Card: It seems like just yesterday we were falling in love. Where did the last 40 years go? Inside of Card: You think when you wake up in the mornin yesterday dont count. But yesterday is all that does count. What else is there? Your life is made out of the days its made out of. Nothin else.
Save the Date Card Front of Card: Save the Date! We’re getting married! Inside of Card: They spoke less and less between them until at last they were silent altogether as is often the way with travelers approaching the end of a journey.
Death of a Loved One Card Front of Card: Your family is in our thoughts and prayers. Inside of Card: Life is a memory, and then it is nothing.
First Communion Card Front of Card: God bless you on your First Communion Day. Inside of Card: There is no God and we are his prophets.
16th Birthday Card for Daughter Front of Card: Happy sweet 16, daughter! Now that you’re growing up, it’s time I let you in on a little secret… Inside of Card: There is no forgiveness. For women. A man may lose his honor and regain it again. But a woman cannot. She cannot.
New Baby Card Front of Card: Congratulations on your newborn baby! Inside of Card: Words pale and lose their savor while pain is always new.
Pregnancy Announcement Card Front of Card: It’s apparent, we’re going to be parents! Inside of Card: Whatever in creation exists without my knowledge exists without my consent.
Anniversary Card for Husband Front of Card: Every year I fall more and more in love with you. Inside of Card: You keep runnin that mouth and I’m goin to take you back there and screw you.
5th Birthday Card for Nephew Front of Card: Happy 5th Birthday! Here’s a little something for my favorite nephew! Inside of Card: White pussy is nothin but trouble.
Blank Card for Any Occasion Front of Card: When you die its the same as if everybody else did too. Inside of Card: