it's-not-as-clear-as-i-thought-it-was

thoughts on decolonization, diaspora, and home

Thoughts about this have been bubbling around in my head for a while. Nudged by the recent discussion I saw from Filipinos in the PH talking about how some of them perceive the usage of ‘filipinx’ as a type of neo-colonialism. I’m also seeing a discussion (not about pilipinx) about how… 'decolonization’ discourse is or can be alienating to people born in the homeland for various (valid) reasons.

It’s also causing me to reflect on how… 'decolonization’ isn’t really something I actually talk about all that much anymore. The word (and concept) used to be a lot more central in my thought and how I approached things. I don’t want to say that not using the term or refering to the idea as much means that it no longer has a prominent place… but rather, I think its pretty clear to me that my orientation has changed a great deal.

I think the beginning of the end of my personal engagement with decolonization discourse started around the time when I realized that one of the foundational thinkers, Franz Fanon, was Black and was talking about Black natives in his books. But seeing that this very important detail was often (always) omitted by non-Black ppl using his thought to advance our own (often anti-Black) theories of decolonization. It’s a strange kind of 'decolonization’ that primarily involves profiting from Black intellectual labour while erasing them from their own discourse.

The other thing that caused a conceptual break is how most/all non-Black discussions on 'decolonization’ have about zero room for the 'problem’ of the Black diaspora. I’m sure a lot of ppl first think of Black americans when I say this, but in a very general sense I’m really referring to all the descendents of enslaved Africans.

By and large, any given non-Black person’s conception of decolonization generally involves invoking some…. criterion of what ~true decolonization~ is that is fundamentally impossible for many people in the Black diaspora. A lot will talk about speaking ancestral tongues… which for a lot of Black people is something unknowable and inaccessible. A lot of them use a notion of Indigeniety that essentially asserts that because Black people were enslaved, they have no reasonable claim to indigeniety. Many of them tend to look towards the past, calling ideas of history, tradition, whatever that fundamentally devalue the centuries of 'modern’ Black resistance to colonization. And pretty much all of them will essentialize one of these aspects or some other aspect which makes it impossible for many (if not all) people in the Black diaspora to ever be 'decolonized’.

Which… is an interesting act of anti-Blackness. And I’m not sure how to engage a discourse which, for the most part, seems to assert that the more severe and complete the colonial violence your people experienced, the less able you are to ever entirely free yourself from that.

And this seems to be a central problem in the discourse that many people seem entirely unwilling to actually address. The implicit notion that there is a point of no return for colonization. That if it is violent enough. If it has gone on long enough. That’s it. You are Colonized. Decolonization is no longer an option. No matter how much you resist. No matter what you do. You are and always will be Colonized. In terms of the descendents of enslaved Africans, this is really a statement that this act of enslavement not only stripped the freedom of the enslaved people themselves, but also the freedom of every single one of their descendents until the end of time.

Honestly? This isn’t something I find acceptable. At all. And yet… my experiences working within decolonization discourse, this appears to be what many non-Black people appear to have concluded. While, at the same time, using Black intellectual labour that created the discourse in the first place. Fun, eh?

Of course, the Black diaspora is the most extreme example of this. Not the only, but the most extreme (I’m sure its a coincidence that in most non-Black ppl’s conception of decolonization Black people can never be free and their labour is always available for exploitation).

But the question remains: Where is the point of no return? How much violence is necessary? How long does it take? And what do you do if your people have passed this point?

Another way to put this, especially as regards the ongoing tensions between diaspora and home, is what happens when you no longer have a home to return to? What does it mean to be part of a diapora with no home? How long does it take before returning becomes an impossiblity? How does a diaspora with no home relate to the home they can no longer return to? What is the relationship between the two?

This latter bit gets to the disjunct between pilipinx and filipinos mentioned above.

I don’t often see many people who talk about decolonization really dig into this. I remember reading Global Divas and seeing the discussion about how many people in the PH look towards america as this… aspirational place. It is a place of greater opportunity and, yes, perhaps freedom. And then we contrast it with people in the diaspora who are looking back…

And so across the pacific ocean, people at home are looking 'forward’ and people in the diaspora are looking 'backward’1. A great deal of the tension that exists between the two seems to come from this. It’s also an aspect of decolonization discourse that I don’t really see adequately addressed. And too few people really try to explore ways to reconcile these two (generalized) positions. Which is a shame because I don’t think 'decolonization’ has much use or meaning if our theories about it take on hegemonic force and become coercive processes (ie, telling people 'back home’ what ~real~ decolonization is, regardless of whether not it is actually coherent in their lived, material lives).

These two problems (which are clearly related, btw) are the primary reasons that 'decolonization’ has somewhat faded from my vocabulary and philosophy. It isn’t that I no longer desire it or, at least, the freedom it promises but rather that I don’t see it as real possibility within many of the discussions I see about it.

Perhaps, in another way, I think the problem (as is usual for me) is that much of the current discourse leaves no room for pluralities. Because to speak of 'decolonization’ like it is a 'one size fits all’ type of thing seems to miss something very important about it (which is also why the generalization and coopting of Fanon’s work is a big conceptual problem for me). We don’t seem to have a lot of room to speaking about decolonizations.

Why should decolonization for me, as a trans pinay in the diaspora, look exactly the same as a trans fillipina in the PH? This is part of what I mean about theories of decolonization taking on hegemonic force. Yes. Sure. I might think there is some utility in using 'pilipinx’ instead of 'filipino’. But I don’t think this is any more right (or wrong) than people in the PH saying that 'filipino’ is more meaningful.

But even moving beyond this, why should decolonization for me look the same as decolonization for Black americans? And so on and so forth.

And yet… many people absolutely do articulate theories of decolonization with hegemonic force and intent. Creating, unfortunately, an environment of dogmatism and, thus, inspiring battles over what the One True Path™ is.

All of this is why 'decolonization’ isn’t really a regular part of my vocabulary anymore. Also why I don’t bother engaging most of the discussions I see about it. I’m tired of reading an article, post, or whatever that is allegedly talking about decolonization but devoted all of zero space to these types of conceptual problems. Particularly the 'problem’ of the Black diaspora. In my experience, pretty much any and all non-Black articulations of decolonization can be dismissed after you ask the question, “how do Black americans fit into this?” because the answer usually is “they don’t”.

I just don’t see the point anymore.


  1. It is part of modern white myth making that america is 'advanced’. Or more 'modern’. That it represents 'progress’. These spatial relations are structured by white supremacy. 

natlounetty asked:

Hi just discovered ziam and it's like everything now makes sense. Everybody was so busy looking at Larry they didn't notice ziam and they were twice as obvious. Especially that 1D inside joke about Niall writing a song for Liam's gf because he,s the one who hooked up with her. Anyway I think that once baby gate is cleared up there's a good chance Larry will come out (hurry up). I just thought what are your thoughts on whether ziam is still together and chances of them coming out.

hiiiii! 

Welcome to the black pile of feelsy death that is ziam! i look forward to crying about it while i use my cat’s fur as a kleenex with you. 

You know, a coming out is tricky and something that I wouldn’t really try and predict because its such an intensely personal thing. That said, there’s been a real rise of queer!liam the past few months, so if a coming out were to happen, I think that Limothy would come out sooner than Zayn (who’s closet has actually seemed to regress due to the hot mess that is Zigi).

 Either way, coming out is something they would be doing for them and their personal happiness, and really I think that’s why we’re all here, right? We somehow became invested in a group of 5 rag tag small town mice who had big city mouse dreams and made it against the odds (I realize I just partially gave you the premise for “Fievel Goes West”. I’m tired). At the end of the day, we all just want good things to happen for them.

As for whether or not I think Ziam is still a thing, I 100% do. Call it the Olivia Pope Gut™ hunch (plus there’s the whole Limothy getting three roses on his hand tattooed on Zayn’s birthday this year), but I think Ziam are out there somewhere in the world being schmoopy glorious super embarrassing dog dads and going strong. 

I took a jug of gasoline
And poured it on the grass, so green
Then lit a match so it would burn
And watched my house as it did turn
Bright white, as bright as the sunlight
The neighbors ran oustide in fright
And gazed in awe of flames that flocked
It made no sense why they were shocked
It was so old I could not bear
To see the house still standing there
Begging me to come back inside
I ran away so I could hide
But its voice carried loud and clear
I knew it had to disappear
And what’s a better cause of death
Than the passion of dragon’s breath?
—  Sometimes you have to burn before you can build.

So I just watched C.S. Pacat’s livestream video on youtube and she mentioned listening to No Light by Florence + the Machine on repeat while writing the love scene in Prince’s Gambit and I thought ‘oh that’s and interesting choice. it’s probably because its such a moody and and intense beat. lots of drums. like heartbeats!’ so here I go listening to it again to give me a little refresher and I start to actually listen to the lyrics…….. 

You are the hole in my head
You are the space in my bed
You are the silence in between
What I thought and what I said

You are the night time fear
You are the morning when it’s clear
When it’s over you’re the start
You’re my head, you’re my heart

No light, no light in your bright blue eyes
I never knew daylight could be so violent
A revelation in the light of day
You can’t choose what stays and what fades away

And I’d do anything to make you stay
No light, no light
No light
Tell me what you want me to say

Through the crowd, I was crying out
And in your place there were a thousand other faces
I was disappearing in plain sight
Heaven help me, I need to make it right

You want a revelation,
You wanna get it right
But it’s a conversation,
I just can’t have tonight

You want a revelation
Some kind of resolution

You want a revelation

Would you leave me,
If I told you what I’ve done?

And would you need me,
If I told you what I’ve become?
‘Cause it’s so easy,
To say it to a crowd
But it’s so hard, my love,
To say it to you out loud

I DID NOT NEED THIS TO MAKE THINGS THAT MUCH MORE TRAGIC. 

2

“So let me get this straight,” Harry said slowly, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion ever so slightly. “Your mum–”

“Mom.”

“Shut up, Canada. Anyways, you lied to your mum that you had a boyfriend, and now that pretty boy’s backing out, you’re coming to me?” When I nodded my head grimly, the corners of his lips quickly tugged into a smirk. “I thought you hated me, love.”

“I do,” I informed him slowly. I thought that we had already cleared that up, but I guess I couldn’t blame him for being a bit slow. “Look, it’s only for a little bit. She’s coming to visit from Nova Scotia, and I knew that she was going to be on my back about having a boyfriend, especially since my sister’s in the midst of her big fat Indian wedding and I’m still single. And Zayn never would have worked out anyway. He’s Pakistani.”

“So?” Harry asked curiously. Okay, he really was an idiot.

“Indians and Pakistanis…we’re complete rivals,” I rolled my eyes at him. “How dense are you?”

“So that’s better than you dating a white boy?”

I nodded solemnly. “Oh, much better. As long as I don’t marry you, we’re good.”

Harry laughed out loud, and I looked on at him in disgust. “Oh, don’t worry, Mira, you won’t have to worry about that.”

come and fade me - a uni au coming to 1dff and tumblr in march (a lot sooner than march)

5

tvN drama Reply 1988 featured in The Straits Times today, 27 January 2016. The straits times is an English language newspaper based in Singapore.

I’ve tried my best. I hope its clear and readable.

cr. The Straits Times 160127

But I gotta disagree with the person who said that “There are no major events or accidents”. 

My thoughts:

There’s Deok Sun being chosen as one of the only three picket girls from high schools for 1988 Seoul Olympics. How many times do you reckon the Olympics was held in Seoul. This in itself is a major event. After the Olympics, S. Korea became more open to imports and foreign products, remember Ra Mi Ran cooking spaghetti and fusion dishes (steak with kimchi) for the neighborhood people? The S. Koreans were not able to travel overseas before 1988. Getting a passport was also a very complicated process before 1988/1989, did you see how happy Deok Sun was when she got her passport? And remember how Ra Mi Ran and Kim Sung Kyun went for a overseas trip once they were allowed to apply for a passport? 

There’s also the episode of Bora protesting, and FYI, this is a major event in S. Korean history. In the 80s, the university students were constantly active in protesting that it remained a phenomenon. 

There’s also the trouble when Sun Woo and Bora were getting married just because they shared the same surname. This was also a major social issue in the 80s and 90s. 

And although the Asian Financial crisis was not mentioned in the drama, one of the reasons Sung Dong Il had to retire early was because Hanil Bank was going through hard times, and it finally dissolved during the crisis.

anonymous asked:

Gally prompt - *Y/N had severe heat stroke and is recuperating in the med-jack hut with Gally at her side* "Kitten, you scared me to death. I thought you were dead."

Originally posted by space-ing-out

(I can say from personal experience that heat stroke is horrific and I would urge extreme caution if its a hot day for the very reason that heat stroke is not fun and it can be very very dangerous)

You blinked…blurring coloured shapes above you prompted you to blink more to clear your vision, a groan left your throat as your head rolled on your neck…you felt sick and achy all over, thirsty and tired and a combination of nasty and uncomfortable feelings all at once. 

When your vision cleared you realised you were in the Med-Jack hut, you attempted to sit up before a hand at your shoulder pushed you back down, “You need rest.” You looked to see Gally hovering there quite obviously worried about you.

“What…What happened?” Your voice was groggy and raspy, and you grabbed the water from the side gulping it down in seconds. 

“Kitten, you scared me to death. I thought you were dead.” You couldn’t imagine what the must have been like…you felt bad…had you just gone into the shade and cooled down maybe none of it would have happened…and you certainly wouldn’t feel as terrible as you did..

about the “secret love song” music video:

im gonna be short bc there’s not much stuff to say about it so: 1- its a excellent production, real clear and good shots so it’s a nice props, 2- jason was so extra wtf were those dance moves and parkour shit on a ballad song??????? 3- i’m relying on the thought there’s another version because that first one didn’t show the lgbt people they asked for so either the girls or jason’s management decided it was a good idea to make 2 separated videos (???) 4- i told yall since the beggining i wanted lightning as a single so this mess wouldnt be happening right now.

The gamergate-esque plot line in Next Class  was so ridic though lol????

The solution to sexism and hypersexualisation/objectification of female characters in video games is not to stop people from playing them and I don’t think that’s what any serious critics are saying.

Like they put the blame on the players who’re playing it because it’s the biggest MOBA around, instead of blaming the developers who designed the characters this way. I mean just like you can be a superhero fan and not be on board with the way women are often drawn in comics, or you can be a fan of a tv show and simoultaenously critical of it, you can play a game for the gameplay without approving of the design choices. 

And those objectified female figures are player characters, not NPCs, so I can’t fathom why none of the gamer kids pointed out that they can’t just frame it as a game where men beat up half naked women, because it’s equally a game where half naked women beat up men.

Then male figures were half naked as well iirc, though not in an as sexualised manner, but it’s just a bad design choice if this was the kind of criticism they were going for lol???

Seriously this plotline was clearly written by someone outside of the community, the way dudebro gamers often claim feminist critics are, and I think the way they went about it causes more harm than good. 

I can’t quite express what I feel, to be honest, it doesn’t feel real–

Its fleeting, quiet, loving, violent– tearing, whining, crying, silent. I don’t even know if I’m meant to rhyme, I don’t know if I’m to demand to try.
It just fits, makes sense, and who– who am I? Why, why, why? There’s things that are clear and theres things that I can word but with you it is all simply a blur and I try to explain and I’ve tried to relax but I’m truly scared there will be a tax and let me slow down, for a minute, for an instant here:

I know ship wrecks are in my head and I was built from fear. But I have a glowing lantern, a survivor in my midst And god what it would give to feel your kiss–

I know I’m so chaotic, I feel it in my bones. I hope you see the storm in me and I hope you find a home.
I hope you see past my breaking swollen heart. I hope you see past my words, I hope this is just a start.
I hope I pray, that you won’t run away. and in the same place, I know that nothing stays. We are changing and we are growing. We are infinite and we are glowing. But I want just a minute more, always, with you in my space. I want just a second more, always, with your hands against my waist and I’m
Screaming, soaring, passing, staying:

The wanderess, watch her undress– they say she is a true mess but behind her eyes there screams a cry that no normal boy could ever suffer– tell me love what can you weather?
—  how do you explain the word of a heart, how do you justify the madness? a.c.

anonymous asked:

I heard "it's you" and thought of that gif of liam saying it to him onstage and I just-

‘ITS YOU’ comes in You & I and Liam always sang it looking at Zayn…… like…. its so clear who it is about

I had a bad thought.

In tonights episode it was made clear that Spencer and Caleb had sex, we also got to see Toby’s reaction to them being together and although he isn’t thrilled about the idea he gave them the green light. What we didn’t see is that scene in the first promo we got of Caleb pulling up his pants…are you ready for my bad thought?

I read somewhere that Yvonne would be a kind of I guess enemy to Spencer and her mum since they are on opposite teams for the campaign. We also know that in a future episode Toby punches Caleb. My bad thought is that Yvonne would do anything to sabotage Spencer and Veronica and the best way to do that is by getting personal. Dating the ex is personal and we know she’s doing that now, so what if she sleeps with Caleb to make Spencer even more hurt. It may sound silly because it's Caleb he would never do that! But his the only love interest that hasn’t done anything super bad (aside from when we first met him.)

xo-A 

anonymous asked:

Can you recommend me some new jihope fluff? I cant really find any good ones that are well written tbh :/ its my otp and i wish there were more fics hhhh

yes! jihope needs more love

when you’re down and troubled by novilunar - fluffy asf
focus on me by agustd
yes, it’s real (love) by shrdmdnssftw
twenty-four seven heaven by gangbang 
hold me forever by novilunar
a midnight clear by bazooka - this is a really underrated fic tbh the plot/au universe is amazingly thought out and the author used the fake-marriage-trope mixed with secret agent in a space opera setting and it’s awesome and complete now so please try this out <3

- admin nissi

anonymous asked:

So today I faced acephobia in real life, made worse by the fact it was two people from my table and a girl I know quite well, one of whom is bi, mostly complaining about an ace friend of mine. I managed to clear up a few of the ace misconceptions but its left me really shaken because I thought they were all okay and it's just hit me really hard it seems. I guess I'm asking how to feel okay again?

(Acephobe anon) also they’ve made me really nervous about finally getting my ace ring which I kinda resent. Is there something to make me feel more comfortable about it?

Every once and a while, we’re going to be hit hard with something that’ll knock us. And we all have our own unique ways to self-care. Some just distance themselves for a while, and retreat to a safe space. Some confront it, and burn out their frustrations via a good two-for. And some kill with kindness or positivity. You’ll have to find your own way. But it’s not impossible.

- Fae