Hello kids, it’s time to learn a new word today!
It’s a pretty new word, probably because aromanticism has been ignored and neglected up until just recently, and the community is still taking shape. New words and terms appear as they are needed. I present to you:
Does it sound like heteronormativity’s ugly cousin? That’s because it totally is. This is why you’re dreading family gatherings. Heteronormativity will try to beat you up for being different - or to prevent you from being different. Amatonormativity don’t really have the muscles for that, but good lord is it manipulative. It will say some really mean things to you, that will make you feel really worthless and broken, that you’ll never be truly happy, the kind of things that stick with you for years.
Amatonormativity is the social force that makes it seem like romantic love is the most important thing on earth, in your life, ever. It’s the belief that everyone can, wants, and should fall in love. It’s the belief that romantic relationships are more important than all other types of relationships.
All of that is wrong. Worse, it hurts people really bad, just like heteronormativity. Aromantics and aro spectrum people are the ones hurt the most by this. Here are some examples of amatonormativity:
- Ridiculously young kids feeling pressured to get a boyfriend/girlfriend, and feeling worthless if they don’t have one. This is terrible on several levels, including the fact that people are not prizes to be won.
- Whenever someone says love but means romantic love only. Way to brush aside friendships, familial love, and all the other ways of feeling love there is.
- That time some local athlete said he wasn’t interested in a relationship right now, and that was so shocking it made it to the FRONT PAGE of the newspapers.
- When the above example made me so angry I wrote an article to the newspapers about amatonormativity and how there’s nothing wrong in being single, and most of the comments I got on that article online were “don’t worry, you’ll meet the right one someday!!!!”
- the phrase “don’t worry, you’ll meet the right one”
frick. you. I’m not the one worrying, YOU are. I know who I am, I’m not waiting for someone to come along and decide that for me. I know feelings may change over time, but that does not mean I should WAIT. Go take your waiting somewhere else.
- LOVE TRIANGLES. A badass fictional girl is busy dismantling governments, as you do, when a BOY comes along. A boy that……. likes her??? and then ANOTHER boy!!! That also likes her!!!!! OH NO put the revolution on hold she has to C H O O S E
- When stories end and all the characters are paired up with eachother
- Name one fictional character that is clearly stated to not feel romantic love, that is NOT a robot or a tree or whatever, and that is NOT a villain. I mean, even robots like Wall-E are made more human to us by….. feeling…. romantic love……..
- No but seriously though. The amount of stories and media where romance is The Most Important Thing?? Most of it.
- “Asexuals are not broken, they can still fall in love!!!” let me stop you right there
- The fact that sleeping around is seen as Horrible and Immoral. As long as it’s safe, consensual and not cheating, there shouldn’t really be a problem???
- Phrases like “more than friends” or “just friends”.
Some people out there have stronger relationships with their lifelong best friends than their own spouses. I’m still on the fence on this one because you can be “more than friends” if you’re like friends AND lovers!! That’s like, TWO types of relationship in one! So. I don’t know.
- Being told you’re incomplete, that you’re just a half, waiting for your romantically coded soulmate, bluh bluh. A soulmate doesn’t have to be romantic, and I also refuse to believe there has to be only one, and most of all I refuse to belive we are incomplete creatures.
+++ so much more.
Finding out you’re aromantic is often really harsh, because many aros will feel left out, dehumanized, thinking they can never achieve happiness - I’ve seen a lot of aromantic people wishing they weren’t aro. Reconciling yourself with the fact that you don’t need to feel romantic love to be complete or having worth is SO HARD when you have everything around you telling you different. So yeah. Be aware of amatonormativity! Fight amatonormativity!! let’s ovERTHROW THE GOVERNMENT OF NORMS wait what