it's the first time in my life that i have not gone there for the summer

Fanfiction reading challenge

I have seen a lot of “book challenge for 2017″ and I thought “Hey, why we don’t have this with fanfiction???” and here we are with 101 points.

High School AU

Hogwarts AU

First Kiss  

First Time

Secret Relationship AU

Roommate AU

More than 30 chapters ff

More than 60 chapters ff

Fake relationship

A is famous, B is a fan  

Both A and B are famous  

Teacher/student AU

Stripper AU

Pure smut ff

Smut with some kinks in it (wink wink)

Jock and Nerd AU

Dancer AU (includes cheerleaders, but not strippers)

Cheating (A with B, not A on B)

Christmas ff

Kiss under mistletoe  

Summer Love  

Bad boy/girl and good student AU

Dating show  

New Years Kiss  

Cuddling  

Making out (the one that does not lead to smut tho)

Slow burn

Sloweeeeeeest burn ever (you will know the difference)

Soulmates AU – colours

Soulmates AU – tattoos/marks/names

Soulmate AU – others  

A has terrible pick up lines, B finds it annoying/adorable

Sexting/phone sex

Birthday Party

Meet Cute  

Drunk Meeting

Drunk!A had a crush on B for a long time and now alcohol is involved  

Vampires or other supernatural AU (except werewolf)

Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics AU

Alpha/Beta/Omega dynamics – omega is pregnant AU

Coffeeshop AU (it just had to be here, we all know it xD)

‘We were supposed to be just fuckbuddies but feeling happened’ AU

Forced to sleep in one bed

Camping (bonus for sleeping in one tent/sleeping bag, because B forgot his/hers)

A taking care of sick B

Fluff

Fluffiest fluffy fluff that ever fluff (again: you will know the difference)

'Our friends tried to set us up, may give it a go when we are here’  

‘I thought I wasn’t gay, but hello there I may be bi now’

Teasing – like a lot of this one

Wearing each other clothes  

Competing sport teams/schools  

Competing CEO’s

Crossover ff

Blind date AU

Angst  

Heavy angst  

Cheating (not A with B, but A on B)

Break up fic

*Major character Death* - although I would recommend to avoid this one  

Jealousy

Childhood friends  

A is in a toxic relationship/after break up and B helps to heal broken heart  

One of them is a Doctor/Police Officer/Lawyer and that’s how they met  

Crack fic

'I thought feelings are long gone but then I saw you again after years, and yep, its still here’

Assassin/Murderer/Criminal AU

A is a Demon/ghost/vampire and B is not amused  

Disney AU

Song fic

Letters/postcards

Forced to work together

Foster siblings AU

A and B are soldiers and met at war/training  

A is afraid of something (probably storm) and B calms them down

'5 times when… and 1 when…’

Superheroes AU  

Superpowers AU (different than superheroes)

'So you are my best friend’s date? Shit’

'We had sex before and now we are forced to work together/be around each other’

Soulmates AU Angst

Boss/employee situation

'I accidently found/text wrong number and its you and oh we know each other in real life’

Genderswap AU

Best friends to lovers  

Different Era AU  

A has a obvious crush on B and B is clueless

Co-workers AU

Proposal  

Marriage  

Kids – expecting/adopting

Kids – toddlers problems  

Kids – first date and 'what if he will hurt our daughter?!’

Telling to kids how they met  

Coming out to families  

Space AU  

DRAGONS AU (im sorry)

Kings/Queens AU

Fic that had amazing description but is shitty as hell  

Total multifandom fic with this couple in it

A and B are old and together and looking at their past with nostalgia

anonymous asked:

I can tell you've been through a bad breakup, what did your ex do for you to leave him? I've been following you for years and you're always so positive so I hate to see you down..

Our last encounter he locked me in a room for two hours and verbally abused me, damaged my shit, threw my phone and fucked it up so badly I had to get another one, at the same time he hit me and head butted me, and only left when I threatened to call my mum. I had a bruise on my head for over 10 days. He texted my mum abusive shit claiming I’m a hoe because I reblogged a guys picture on tumblr and even tried to turn my friends against me by telling them all the “bad things” about me. Which didn’t work - it just made him look foolish. I called a uber to take me to london to fix my phone and it happened to be a guy I went to school with. He stayed with me for 4hours and didn’t charge me. He brought me food, reassured my mum I was okay and even calmed down some of my male friends. An hour after my ex left, his mum then sent me abusive messages calling me “the angel of death” because I wouldn’t take her son back. The manipulative emotional shit he/ they did during the entire relationship only resonated recently. It was literally a nightmare disguised as love. If I ever see him with another woman I will warn her too and so will my friends regardless if they’re with me or not. I recently spoke to one of his old ex’s and she confirmed that that was the reason why she left too. So I’m glad I walked when I did. I felt stuck and knew shit would get worse. He apologised via email a few weeks later and then 2 weeks ago sent another email blaming me for everything lol. He’s still playing victim online too. It’s hilarious but scary at the same time. He was much older than me, so there’s really no excuse for his behaviour/ his reluctancy to change and seek help either.
I have 5 brothers and the only reason why I didn’t involve them, is because I know what they are capable of and they’re all in a good place now. Plus he really isn’t worth it. I informed the police and they have reassured me that if anything happens, they will take full force. My God brother is a police officer.

I’m in a great place now though. It’s been 3 months and I’m completely over it. My life is gone back to being stress free and light. Heartbreaks are difficult. Walking away from a narcissistic and sociopathic person is even worse and repairing the damage could be a long process for some. But it isn’t the end of world. I’m back to being me again and I’m happy. I feel beautiful again. I’m being introduced to/ meeting some amazing prospects lol. But this summer I’m just living and going with the flow. There are some amazing men out there and I’ll be damned if I let this fuckery prevent me from experiencing love in its truest form.

Emotional and physical abuse is very real and if you find yourself in that situation, put yourself first and run. These types of people will never give you the closure you need as they thrive over the power of controlling you emotionally and they will continue to portray themselves as a victim to whoever listens. Let them. Who gives a shit. You’re free and life will open up and become light and beautiful again.

I’ve been thinking about professor!magnus and soldier!alec since yesterday and idk if I want to commit myself to writing something like that when I know nothing about the army but I feel like there could be something very heartbreaking about it. 

Like maybe Alec is about to be deployed and it’s his what… 2nd? 3rd? tour and he’s happy to be unattached, despite what his siblings always say, because he knows how hard it is to be separated from the ones he loves but also to be left behind and he doesn’t want to do that to someone. So he doesn’t date and he doesn’t have a lot of close friends apart from his family and it’s ok, hes doing something important, serving his country and following his family’s footsteps (ofc they’d be a big military family) but then he meets Magnus … Idk where, somewhere random like a bookstore or grocery store or the outdoor market Izzy dragged him to and sparks  f l y. And Alec is confused/overwhelmed and reluctant despite Magnus flirting 110% with him. Maybe they exchange numbers maybe not, maybe they randomly meet again and Magnus is like uh funny twist of fate *flirty grin* and Alec is just…. abort mission holy shit help ???Because even though he’s had flings and hooks up, he’s never had a crush or somebody that made him go w o w  like this and it’s new? But he kinda wants to break his rule and say yes when the hot college professor asks him out and that’s new and kinda scary but he blurts out yes before he can fully think about it or change his mind. Of course, he has a nervous breakdown afterward and Izzy is like pls find your chill but he can’t find his chill cause he’s going away to get shot at in less than 3 months and the timing couldn’t more off and that’s not fair to Magnus to get him involved like that… Because, of course, Alec is the type of person to worry too much before anything even happens. Anyway, so they go on a date maybe a walk at dusk and some ice cream?? Idk why but I’m imagining this is set in a small coastal town? They can walk near the water while talking about everything and nothing?? I’m seeing a make out session on top of a lighthouse? Anyway, when Alec tells Magnus what he does and where he’s going he’s all sorry about that I should have told you straight away when you asked me out but Magnus is all its ok lets just see where this goes, it doesn’t have to be serious since you’re leaving so soon and they agree to have a fling… but feelings happen and it’s inconvenient!!!

I like imagining Alec walking Magnus to his classes when he’s stayed over the night before (Magnus teaches history in this, I feel it). And maybe on mornings he wasn’t at Magnus’ he does a little detour on his morning run to buy him breakfast and he leaves it in his office during the 8am lecture that Magnus hates so that he’ll have something nice after that hardship, a little muffin and a coffee with a cute note on the cup ‘cause Alec is sappy af even though he tries very hard to hide it. And maybe he buys Magnus peonies at some point, just because they’re pretty and Magnus is pretty and he’s never bought flowers for anyone before and he wanted to… And Magnus keeps teasing him flowers are not casual Mister!! because it’s easier to flirt and tease than to acknowledge the fact that Alec is leaving really soon and he might not come back, and Magnus isn’t even important enough to be considered someone he’s leaving behind (or at least that’s how he feels). Magnus tries not to think about it but he’s obsessing over the idea that he doesn’t even know Alec’s family and friends, doesn’t know anyone who would tell him if something happened??? But he doesn’t want to bring it up because it’s supposed to be casual and meaningless, something that ends when the semester ends. So they keep going on dates and Alec cooks for him and Magnus tries to ignore the uneasy feeling growing in his chest as time flies too fast. Until there aren’t any time left and Alec is leaving. So they take a walk just like their first date and they have ice cream and they make love and they definitely don’t talk about it even though they both know that they should and Alec just… leaves. 

And Magnus tries not to have a hard time about it but it’s tough and he’s grateful it’s the end of the semester ‘cause at least he’s busy between marking terrible essays and correcting exams. He goes out with his friends from the history department once they’re all done and he tries to have a fun time, but truth is… he’s worried. He starts watching the news a little too obsessively and his friends don’t like it but he can’t help himself. 

Alec has been gone three weeks when the first letter comes. It takes Magnus by surprise at first because in all the times they’ve been together Alec has always been a man of little words. That’s not to say he was emotionally unavailable or unwilling to discuss things and his feelings, but this is new, the way the words flow easily on the page like it was no hardship at all to put it all down, descriptions of his unit and where he is, a full paragraph about how much he misses Magnus’ cat and nothing about them at all. But Magnus gets it, he sees it for what it is, a peace offering maybe or a stubborn unwillingness to let go, so he writes back. He talks about his students, their successes and their struggles, and his friends, little things that have reminded him of Alec since he’s been gone. Soft stories for a soft boy in a hard place. And they keep going back and forth, sending each other little pieces of their respective lives and it should be enough, it’s more than Magnus expected, but it’s tough and he misses Alec like a limb, misses him in his bed and in his kitchen, misses him when summer classes start and he has no one to hold his hand on his way to work, no callused fingers to wrap around his… But every new letter is a blessing. It says many things but underneath it all, the most important message is I’m still here, I’m alive and I’m thinking about you. 

Okay so maybe it all comes to a halt one day when his phone rings and it’s Alec on the line, after all those weeks, all those months, and he sounds like h e l l  and he’s there on the phone, apologizing to Magnus because his phone bill is gonna be awful but I …. I just… I needed to hear your voice Magnus, I’m sorry. You… you c-can send me the bill if you want, I just… and it takes everything Magnus has for him not to break down and cry right there and then because Alec really doesn’t sound okay and he has no idea what happened and he has no idea what they are but that’s his boy there on the phone who’s hurting and he hasn’t heard his voice in weeks… So Magnus is like Please shut up about my phone bill, I don’t give a fuck about that. How are you? Are you okay? What happened? And Alec is reluctant to talk about it, doesn’t want to give any details, just keeps saying rough day, Magnus, rough day in this small voice and Magnus hates it more than he’s ever hated anything in his life. He doesn’t want to push Alec too hard so he just asks what can I do? and he hates the way his voice shakes, he wishes he could be stronger than this but Alec doesn’t seem to mind, he just sighs like he’s tired deep in his bones, deep in his soul, and says: just talk to me. So Magnus does, he rambles on nervously about what he had for breakfast and what he taught today, his lecture plan for tomorrow, his neighbor’s hatred for his cat and his favorite designer on the new season of Project Runway. He just babbles on, hoping it can help. All he wants to do is help. Alec hums here and there, asks a few questions, especially about Magnus’ work and at some point he runs out of things to say. There’s a beat of silence before he whispers I love you and he knows that won’t help but he can’t keep it inside anymore, he can’t live with this trapped inside of him, fighting to break free. Alec sighs again. I.. I w-wish… You… you shouldn’t say that. Don’t say that, please. It shouldn’t take Magnus by surprise but it does and it hurts. Me not saying it won’t make it untrue Alexander. Alec groans in frustration and Magnus can picture it perfectly, the way he’s probably bent over, head between his knees, one hand harshly buried in his hair. I didn’t want to put you through that. I didn’t want to put anyone through that but especially not you. He’s so noble and he’s so caring and Magnus knew that already but it hits him again, hard, that this is a man who puts others before himself every single time and who will fight tooth and nail anyone who dares try taking care of him. So Magnus does his best to sound as stern as he can:  Well just too bad because I’m here and you’re there and I love you. And you wishing it hadn’t happened won’t change anything and if you like me even the tiniest bit you’ll call me again because I have been worried sick. 

Alec calls every week after that. There’s a new kind of anxiety that comes with waiting for the phone call, waiting for the confirmation that Alec is okay, but Magnus is happy to live with it when it means he can hear Alec’s voice once a week, warm and soft when he asks Magnus what he’s been up to and insists to be put on the phone with the cat. I don’t want him to forget me! 

That boy. 

They don’t talk about what they are again and it takes until Alec is back on American soil, his head buried in Magnus’ neck so no one can see him cry, for him to say I love you back, but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t need it. For now, Magnus cherishes every time his phone rings and he gets connected to Alec, he cherishes every time he can make him laugh, he cherishes every single plan they start making, every single hint that they can have a future together. 

It’s enough. 

monthly fic rec: may (pt.1)

- dance to the distortion by lis (domesticharry) (96k)

Louis accidentally breaks Harry’s camera lens and in order to get it fixed, they decide to participate in a romantic couples study. The only issue is that they are not actually couple. Well that and the fact they cannot stand each other.

- far away by jackstylinson (57k)

Harry swallows hard, clearing his throat. “Hi Lou,” he says, looking at Louis reluctantly. He’s even more gorgeous than he remembers, so much, he feels uneasy looking directly at him, he’s so beautiful.

Louis looks at Harry, does a quick once-over and smiles, eyes so bright and blue—just how Harry remembers. “Harold!” He gets up out of his seat and embraces him into a warm hug. It’s a friendly platonic hug; one that ends way too soon. Harry wishes it would last longer so that he can breathe Louis in and memorize his new but somehow still familiar scent. It instantly leaves his body aching for more.

Harry returns to London after five years. Stuck in the past with “what ifs” and “what might have beens”, he sees that his friends and ex (and possible love of his life) Louis have all moved on with their lives while he finds himself questioning his own life choices, past and present.

- it had to be you by fullonlarrie (45k)

A When Harry Met Sally AU.

Harry and Louis are strangers who share the drive from Chicago to NYC after college. They don’t have anything in common, don’t get along, and at the end of their trip, they’re both glad to say goodbye. During a chance meeting five years later, they find that nothing has changed, and they part ways expecting never to see each other again. Ten years after their first meeting, Louis and Harry meet once again, but this time they become friends. Eventually, things get complicated.

- the afterlife fic (the best i ever had in my entire life… or death) by lovingcup (491k)

AU- After dying in an accident, Louis Tomlinson arrives in the Afterlife. Not Heaven and not Hell, Louis finds himself in Judgment City UK: a pristine city where the food and entertainment are divine and the newly departed must undergo a Review of their life on Earth to determine if they have lived a life worthy of advancement in the universe, or if they must be returned to Earth to be born again in a new body.
On his first full day in the Afterlife, Louis meets Harry Styles, and the two have an instant connection. Over the course of their Reviews, they fall in love and begin to find that even though they didn’t know each other on Earth, they are nonetheless linked to one another in perfect ways. Both are hoping to move ahead in the universe together, but they are challenged with the threat of separation if one or both of them is sent back to Earth to be born again.

Keep reading

7/11/1804 (Alexander/Reader, Lin/Reader)

Summary: You had expected that your first night in the role of Eliza would be an exciting one. You hadn’t expected a door to appear in your dressing room that would lead you over 200 years into the past. No, none of your Broadway friends had ever warned you about that.

Note: Write-a-thon Day 3! This is loosely based on 11/22/63 by Stephen King, wherein the main character goes back in time to prevent JFK’s assassination. So you see where this is going. This is part 1 out of 2.

Rating: G

Word Count: 2651

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justanotherhamiltrash  asked:

Hi there, do you have any recs for long drarry fics? I'm not very good at finding them

Hello!! I’ve done a rec list for long, slow burn fics in the past, so please check that out because I love every fic on that list to death! But OH MAN I could talk about long Drarry fics for the rest of my life, so here are some more! All very long, but not necessarily slow burn this time ;)

What We Pretend We Can’t See by gyzym (131K)- Seven years out from the war, Harry learns the hard truth of old history: it’s never quite as far behind you as you thought.
This is the only one I am going to copy from the slow burn rec list, because I just want to rec it every day of my life. It is quite literally my number one favorite fic ever, and I am not exaggerating. Do you see how serious I am right now? I am never serious. This fic is so amazing it turned me serious. I’m not even going to summarize it again because if you trust me at all you will just go read it nooooooow.

Turn by Saras_Girl (307K)- One good turn always deserves another. Apparently. 
Of course in the middle of declaring my favorite fic ever, I had to remember Turn and how utterly brilliant it is and how I’ve reread it and it was STILL utterly brilliant the second time and have a crisis because MAYBE THIS IS ACTUALLY MY FAVORITE FIC???! Aaah help, I can never choose! Anyway, are you a drarry fan who hasn’t read Turn yet? Really? Well, in that case FUCK YOU BECAUSE I AM SO JEALOUS YOU GET TO READ IT FOR THE FIRST TIME YOU LUCKY BASTARD. *ahem* Anyway, in this amazing fic, epilogue-compliant and worn-down Harry goes to an alternate dimension in which he is happily married to Draco, owns the best pet snake ever, and makes furniture for a living (love artsy Harry <3). It’s truly a masterpiece, and as always with my recs there is a happy ending, so don’t worry!

Tales from the Special Branch Series by femmequixotic (272K so far)- (Summary is from the second part of the series, which is the first long installment: Lost in Your ArmsThree months after their brief encounter, Draco has almost forgotten about Potter–or so he tells himself. Then a Dark wizard shows up on the Auror radar and all hell breaks loose. Draco will have to choose between everything he holds dear–everything he’s worked so hard for–and a few stolen moments of passion with a certain green-eyed Inspector, once his sworn enemy and now something rather different entirely. He’ll make the right choice, won’t he? Who is he kidding? He’ll ruin everything, as per usual. Bad choices and the name Malfoy go hand in hand.
This series is a WIP, but a regularly updated one and the FIRST CHAPTER OF THE NEXT BOOK IS BEING RELEASED TOMORROW AND I AM SO EXCITED!!! I feel so lucky to be following along with it as it comes out, because let me tell you, this is an instant classic! There is lovely forbidden fornication between a boss (Harry) and his subordinate (Draco) (the prequel was written for the kink fest so you can bet the sex is SCORCHING), a very compelling mystery/case, and truly brilliant characterization! I identify so much with this Draco. And I also love that Harry isn’t the perfect flawless cinnamon roll he is often portrayed as in fics. Everyone in this series is very human, and I am just dying of excitement to find out what happens to them next! I know I’ve already gushed about this fic in several other places recently, and I’m sorry to repeat myself but I really can’t get enough! PLEASE JOIN ME IN ROOTING FOR @femmequixotic AS SHE KINDLY DEDICATES HER SOUL TO US ALL FOR THE NEXT BIT OF HER LIFE <3

Secrets by Vorabiza (395K)- Beginning with Draco’s unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry’s summer after sixth year becomes filled with activity and many secrets. As his summer progresses, Harry generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side. 
OMG it’s the first fic I ever read!! The fic that brought me into the fandom! I have suuuuuch a soft spot for this fic, and it is just so so so good! It’s probably my favorite adventure/wizarding war plot of all. Harry is just so confident and he embraces his Slytherin side and really Gets Shit Done, and it’s SO SATISFYING. Also, I love any fic in which Draco helps with the Horcrux hunt. Also there’s a baaaaaaby (no mpreg) and mentor!Snape, which is really nice. This fic was written post-HBP, but is SURPRISINGLY accurate in its predictions. Oh, and the sex is super hot too ;)

Checkmate by Naadi (245K)- Draco has the perfect plan to get Harry Potter and challenges him to a game of Dare Chess. But is it love, or betrayal, he has in mind? A real chess game is played throughout the story.
This fic is so lovely! It’s an “alternate 7th year AU”, written after Goblet of Fire. It’s fluffy and funny and lovey and then dramatic and passionate and YEAH I LOVED IT. The real time game of chess, in which Harry and Draco take turns making “moves” (on each other) is just such a wonderful idea. Read the author’s note for more info! 

Leo Inter Serpentes by Aeternum (658K combined so far)- Just one conversation between two eleven year old boys goes slightly differently, and the world changes. Just how much will be different with Harry being sorted into Slytherin, and how much will stay the same?
SLYTHERIN HARRY ALERT SLYTHERIN HARRY ALERT! Yep, a Slytherin Harry rewrite, and a REALLY GOOD ONE. Like usually I love the idea of Slytherin Harry, and then once I start reading I either find I’m bored because everything is just a repeat of canon or I can’t get into it because everyone is so OOC. But not this one! This fic is engaging and different enough from canon to be interesting and I love the eleven-year-old baby drarry friendship that eventually turns to romance! This fic also features benevolent mentor!Snape, which I suppose is either an enticement or a warning depending on your preferences. You SHOULD be warned that it’s a WIP. But the author is currently actively posting the 6th book, and I have hope it won’t be abandoned :)

Any Instrument by dicta_contrion (131K)- Draco Malfoy wouldn’t go back to England for anything less than an exceptional case. Being asked to figure out why Harry Potter can’t control his magic might be exceptional enough to qualify.
Okay I have a HUGE thing for healer!draco and this fic portrayed him so so so perfectly. Harry is having complications with his magic after an operation gone wrong. So Draco comes from France and of course they can’t get together because Draco is Harry’s healer but OMG THE UST and then let me just say that when they finally do have sex, it’s the most beautiful, moving, heart-stopping sex scene you will ever read. Like, I felt it in my soul. And the character development is so compelling and there are literally no flaws in this fic whatsoever.

Starts With a Spin by Maxine (120K)- It started with the spin of a bottle, and now Harry and Draco have gotten themselves so far into their own game there’s almost no way out again. Except to keep playing.
AAAAH this fic has all the teenage drarry feels! They’re so in character, always trying to one-up each other! And like these constant party games are happening and they’re being “forced” to go further and further with each other by their friends until they’re actually having sex, and YET THEN THE WAR IS STILL ON AS WELL, and it’s just super well-written and great! Another classic :D

Changing of the Guard by Lomonaaeren (210K)- Need a perfect stranger? Ask Metamorphosis. Harry Potter runs the business secretly and becomes whoever’s needed for each occasion. He’s not sure whether he should be more surprised, worried, or amused when Draco Malfoy comes to Metamorphosis and requests an actor who can play his boyfriend so that his parents will disown him. Yet Harry has even more dangerous choices after he creates Brian, Draco’s “perfect” boyfriend. Draco doesn’t know who Brian is, but he’s trying to find out—and now so is Harry.
Aaah Lomonaaeren! Drarry writer of my dark, dark heart! And yet I know some people aren’t huge fans of her style and I don’t want to be reccing her fics all the time, so I try to keep the Lomon recs relatively infrequent. But if you are looking for long fics and you do like her style, I’m pretty sure she can keep you busy for like an entire year. This woman is more prolific than Steven King, and it’s a true blessing. As for this particular fic, Harry basically has Dissociative Identity Disorder, but he has been making the most of it by running a whoever-you-need-for-hire business. Only then Draco arrives, and Harry’s world had to come crashing down at some point and that point is NOW, and the drama is just so so good and this fic gave me ALL THE FEELS. It’s possibly my favorite of her fics :)

Gasoline [unfinished WIP, KHR]

Going through my folders and posting what isn’t going to be finished or is dropped, so I can get it out for good and focus on what I do want to write.

Warnings for: born-a-female-Tsuna, mentions of attempted marital rape, forced marriages, drug-induced death and general mafia behavior.

Summary: Prior to marrying Iemitsu, Nana was a very accomplished black widow. Tsuna shouldn’t have to follow in her footsteps like this, but Vongola has left her no choice in the matter. So she will have the mafia fear her as she once feared them, and she will survive.

———–

Prior to marrying Iemitsu, Nana Sawada went under a different name, and was a very accomplished black widow. She slipped poison in drinks and drugs where nobody would think to look, put needle marks in skin and occasionally knives in the backs of men who treated her like an object rather than a person.

Tsuna never wanted to learn such lessons. She wanted her marriage, when it finally did happen, to be the once-in-a-lifetime event her mother gushed about having with Iemitsu. After the mafia came and ruined her life, she still clung to feeble hopes that maybe she could still get that.

But it isn’t to be.

Timoteo intends to make a statement, one way or another. Unfortunately, even if a woman should rule as Decima, she must still have a husband. And Xanxus isn’t about to touch the woman that froze him once upon a time. So he’s reached out beyond Vongola to allied families, and they’ve sent their best to him. And now he’s made a choice, and once again he’s forcing it on her.

Tsuna can lie to everyone but herself; she’s afraid. Terrified, in fact. The thought of a stranger touching her makes her want to vomit. The thought of this man breathing in her general vicinity makes her want to vomit, actually. She shakes and quivers and hides beneath her bedcovers, and for once, Reborn says nothing. He doesn’t scold her. He slides a mug of hot chocolate topped with enough whipped cream to give her diabetes her way, wordlessly tipping his hat down as he leaves the room. It doesn’t take someone of Reborn’s calibre to know the man doesn’t like this any more than she does. But he’s her tutor, not her father (no matter how much she wishes otherwise some days), and so he can only stand back and watch this trainwreck.

Maybe that’s why she confides in her mother. Why when everyone is gone, Tsuna goes downstairs, starts to speak, and then bursts into tears. Everything comes rushing out, every lie about the mafia she’s ever told, and she begs her mother’s forgiveness for the lies, and Nana gives it readily, wrapping arms around her and letting her cry into a warm shoulder. The tears eventually leave, and Nana sits her down, gets her a glass of cold water, and begins to tell her a story.

It is not a nice story.

But it teaches Tsuna what she needs to know to survive. Because Nana was once a prominent black widow that nobody could ever track down. Her husbands died of natural causes - all the autopsy reports say so - and while people had their suspicions, there was no evidence for them to pin her with. And after a time, she’d learned how to disguise herself, going from one husband to the next.

Now she cups Tsuna’s small hands in her own, and drops the mask she uses around everyone. “Tsunako, do you want to learn how?”

Tsuna can’t say yes fast enough.

———–

Her first husband dies to poison.

It’s tradition, her mother insists, when she shows Tsunako had to make a clear, tasteless, odorless toxin that’s practically untraceable once its inside the system. It’s homegrown, and Nana is a perfectionist at teaching it. She has Tsuna make batch after batch after batch until eventually she gets everything perfect. And then she gets a dropper and begins to administer one drop to Tsunako a day.

One drop doesn’t kill her. It makes her feel like shit, but she muscles through it, because a true poison user is protected against whatever they brew. Bianchi is the same way - she can eat whatever she makes and the poison won’t kill her or even make her queasy. Nana is immune to whatever toxins she injects into the veins of others, and eventually Tsuna will be too. They have time - the wedding isn’t due for a while, and nobody is going to force her and her husband together until then.

Tsuna sees Reborn watching them, once, but he vanishes too quickly for her to ask him if he’s going to tell anyone what she’s doing. She doesn’t ask afterward, because there’s a look in his eyes that’s… proud. It makes her feel warm, and when he drills her on her lessons later on, she doesn’t complain, driven by her twin desires to survive what’s coming, and make the man that has become her father in so many ways proud.

Spring passes into summer, and the wedding is held. People flock from all over to see it, and Tsuna is dressed to the nines and sent out at the alter. Her husband is a tall, weedy-looking young man who looks far too smug. She hates him at once, and his oily touch doesn’t remedy that.

The poison is not in his drink, but in her lipstick, and when they kiss (him pressing far too close, too hard, disgusting) she feels a sense of predatory satisfaction. The next morning she wakes up and screams, which brings the bodyguard outside the door running. She plays the part of the horrified wife, discovering her husband’s cold, lifeless body in bed. They rush the body away, and bring her to Reborn to keep her safe while they go question guests and comb through the drinks menu.

Reborn eyes her fingernails, but his eyes flicker upwards when she taps her lip in pretend thought. There’s a ghost of a smile across his face, but it fades once the door opens and Timoteo enters, looking both furious and terrified. He questions her if she feels ill, or if anything felt off at the wedding. She answers no to both, wringing her hands and playing up the ‘Dame-Tsuna’ act to full effect. It works, and the old man leaves.

“You’ve been hanging around Bianchi too much,” Reborn murmurs, not moving his lips, and Tsuna has to bite her own to hold back her return of its not Bianchi I’ve been spending so much time with lately, but you already know that.

————–

The death is passed off as a heart attack a week later when no results come up showing foul play. Tsuna doesn’t even get to play the widow in mourning before Timoteo’s given her another husband, this time in the form of a 40 something lech that’s like every old man out of a hentai. The old man gropes her and laughs too loudly and tries to sneak a hand up her dress to cop a feel, but Tsuna smacks his hand away and smiles the same smile her mother does at home even as her stomach rolls and her anger burns a hole through her heart.

He tries to take her no less than four separate time against various walls, each time growing more and more impatient and annoyed when Tsuna darts away. The poison is in her nails this time, and when he finally grabs her too hard she scratches him ‘on accident’ and then demands he leave her alone, she doesn’t want to be touched. She closes herself off in her room and locks the door. Her new husband pounds on it and snarls demands, but she puts her headphones on and ignores him until eventually he gives up and goes away.

This poison is far more slow-acting, and it doesn’t strike until early the next morning during breakfast. Bianchi and Reborn have taken her out to a nearby cafe for breakfast, citing ‘comfort food in these troubling times and a female shoulder to cry on’. In reality Bianchi wants to know her methods and trade tips, and Reborn pays for a tiny cake and congratulates her on finding sneaky solutions to her problems.

“I thought you’d go running off and tell Timoteo,” she confesses to her tutor. Reborn gives her a look.

“I’ve been around this business long enough to know how these things go, Tsuna. Trust me, I don’t judge you one iota for what you’re doing. But you should probably change your methods here shortly.”

She nods, having already planned to use a needle on whoever the unfortunate third soul is. They finish breakfast and head home, laughing and talking about whatever strikes their fancy, and when they arrive home its to a Timoteo that looks far older than before. “Grandfather? What’s wrong?”

He gives her a pitying look. “There’s… there’s been another death, my dear.”

She drops to her knees in shock, Bianchi by her side instantly, hooking an arm around her shoulders and murmuring comforting words as she ‘helps’ Tsunako up. Reborn’s face is shadowed, but Tsuna can see the sparkle in his eyes from her position. “What happened?” she asks in what she hopes is the right tone of voice.

Later, Reborn toasts her in the privacy of the bedroom, and Bianchi congratulates her on another job well done. This death is passed off as a choking accident, as apparently the man had been shoving as much food in his gullet as possible when the poison had kicked in. Nobody had managed to get to him in time to prevent the ‘choking’, which just made the victory all the easier.

anonymous asked:

hey !! ok so im like super late in joining the snk fandom (ooops) but i am getting super into ereri and was just wondering if you know of any cool fantasy/magic au fics? sorry to bother you, but i know you've been in the fandom for a while now!!

Oh man this list kind of got too long for me and somehow i still feel like i’ve forgotten so many so if anyone notices a fic that should be on here but isn’t, feel free to add it on ^_^

(These are in no particular order btw)


The Wolf and the Mountain - @bfketh
Summary: Levi didn’t really care what people thought he was - demon, spirit, or god - as long as they left him alone.That is until one winter’s day, when a snow storm deposits an injured wolf-spirit practically on his doorstep.

Time Deprives all but Memories - @appleapplepeach
Summary: Living in a future in which survival is their only victory Levi wonders if there can be anything left to lose.Offered a chance to make things right, he discovers that everything has a price…

The Choice - @appleapplepeach
Summary:  After their return from Shinganshina the survivors are doing their best to pick up the pieces. When someone intrudes on their fragile peace, will it be an opportunity–or disaster?

The Gate of the North - @appleapplepeach
Summary: Everyone knows the Survey Corp is the laughingstock of the military, a place for crackpots and weirdos. It doesn’t have the prestige of the MP or the security of the Garrison. The only people who join are people who can’t fit into modern society.It’s been Eren’s dream to join since childhood. Flunking out of school prevents him from attending military college, and he drifts along in life, ignoring his friends’ encouragement to go back to school or start a career.Levi is the gatekeeper of the Northern Gate, the most important (and most troublesome) gate that keeps the human world safe from interference and invasion. When he receives a letter from his cousin asking him to take on her friend for a summer apprenticeship he agrees against his better judgement.Neither of them is expecting the end of the world.

The Strange and the Usual - lalazee
Summary:  When Eren finds himself stuck in what is essentially a halfway house for supernaturally inclined misfits, there’s no stopping the veritable shopping list of events that leave him pushed closer and closer to ex-exorcist, Levi. But when is it ever that simple?

Be her Valentine - @raindrop-rouge
Summary:  Levi’s not all that great at being a Cupid’s Angel, but Valentine’s Day is the perfect opportunity to redeem himself. It would go a lot better if Eren’s plans for the Angels’ most important day didn’t go directly against his though.

Witch’s Vein and Blood Stains - @monsoondownpour
Summary:  The Survey Corps is in dire need of a new witch after a tragic mission gone wrong resulted in their last ones death. Eren is still young and green as far as witches go, but he has raw talent and a curious mastery over wilderness that Levi can’t help but be drawn to. When circumstances conspire to pit the squad against the same adversary that took Ilse barely a year ago, will they be able to handle the challenge a second time round?

Forbidden Fruit - @monsoondownpour
Summary:  A collection of stories from my Greek Mythology AU where Eren is Persephone, Levi is Hades, and I’ll make everything else up as I go.

Demons and Darkness - @sciencefictioness
Summary:  Levi is a scout, and protects his village day and night from feral yokai, demon like creatures who feast on human flesh. When the chieftan of his village is killed by the beasts, Levi’s father takes over, putting him next in line to lead his people. All Levi wants to do is watch over Mitras with his blade, fighting along side his teacher, who he has been in love with all his life. When he discovers that Erwin is getting married, he heads off into the woods alone to drink and slay demons, trying to forget. He never expects to summon from the darkness a yokai of his own.

A Bird in the Hand - @mongoose-bite
Summary: Little ever changes in the Underworld, and few visit, but the arrival of a single songbird foretells a coming change for both the Underworld and its god, Eren.Spring is here.

Bemused! - @mongoose-bite
Summary: When an artist struggles with his art, sometimes Fate takes pity on him, and sends him a muse.Whether he wants one or not.

Magic does not Make a Garden - @mongoose-bite
Summary: Levi grows his garden peacefully on the edge of the desert, until the day he finds a boy with wings dying of exhaustion and takes him in.

Shooting Unicorns through your Heart - @emiza
Summary:  Eren is a magical girl. He is also very embarrassed over this fact, and the pink and rainbow fluffiness of his outfit, and would rather die than to let anyone see him in his magica glory.
Which is what happens when he climbs into the wrong window at night.

I am the Ocean - @emiza
Summary: Ägir and Ran, brother and sister, were the god and goddess of the ocean. They guarded over the brave Vikings upon their waves, caught them when they fell into deep waters and collected long lost treasures in their names. But as time passed and new gods were born, the world no longer needed the old ones.What happens to gods no one believes in?

Wake Up - @emiza
Summary:  Eren dreamwalks in his sleep and invades people’s dreams by accident. He usually can avoid alerting the dreamer of his presence, but one day he’s caught by a mysterious man whose touch feels like fire. However, the man only thinks of Eren as a figment of his imagination.

A Warm Breath - @ryuusea
Summary: “You’re a human child, aren’t you. You mustn’t touch me then, or I’ll disappear.“One summer when visiting his Uncle Erwin out in the countryside, Eren befriends a mysterious masked man who lives in the forest. They promise to meet every summer from then on.In other words, a story told through summers, year by year, of Eren being a (cute) brat, Levi dealing with said brat, and all the fluff, awkwardness, and strange feelings that come with growing up, despite the limitations placed on their interactions.

Starboy - @perksofbeingawaifu
Summary:  In 1996, my boyfriend Eren Jaeger was abducted. In 2014, he suddenly reappeared. Only, he’s still sixteen and what’s more, he doesn’t remember anything that happened to him during his disappearance. This is a story about first loves, humanity, and maybe-alien boyfriends.

The Stag in the Dark - @perksofbeingawaifu
Summary: After a high school hazing prank goes awry, Eren is forced to work at local “witch” Levi’s knitting shop.

Halocline - @perksofbeingawaifu
Summary:  A lousy vacation puts Eren’s life at jeopardy when he goes for a midnight surf and gets caught in a storm only to be saved by a mysterious creature. Eren tries to communicate with his new friend but it’s hard when you don’t speak fish.

Welcome to the Jungle - @perksofbeingawaifu
Summary: Eren and his crew run heists on magical dispensaries, stealing goods to perform illegal spells until one day things don’t go as planned…

Castle Ghost - @perksofbeingawaifu
Summary: King’s knight Levi Ackerman comes across a mysterious, seemingly abandoned castle. Eren and friends deal with a meticulous, neat-freak ghost.

Joy to the World - @perksofbeingawaifu
Summary: Pastel!Eren and Punk!Levi are the last two people on Earth. So they go to the mall.

The Perfect Temperature for Tea - @missmichellebelle
Summary: "I’m a witch.““Like Harry Potter?” A wry smile twists Levi’s lips as he mimes waving a wand. “Wingardium leviosa.”

Stowaway - @onewhositswiththeturtles
Summary:  Levi is the Captain of The Captain’s Killer, the most dreaded pirate ship in all the Caribbean, which hunts its bounty with ruthless efficiency. For years Captain Levi has dodged the Navy’s most decorated Commander, Erwin, and his attempts at sinking Levi’s ship and coercing him into sailing under the Navy’s banner. It seems that Levi will continue sailing the seas as he pleases, answering to no one but the mood of the winds, until a stowaway with a few secrets of his own ends up on his ship and throws everything in disarray.

And then there’s one of mine, Wicked Grace
Summary: “Please take this seriously,” Armin reprimanded. “The game is like Wicked Grace - played to the death. You must never reveal your cards. When you meet the Empress, the eyes of the whole court will be upon you. You’re safer in the fade with Fear demons.”

P.S. I Love You- A Sirius Black Imagine

A/N: I know, I know, two imagines in one night? Anyways, this is a little something that I decided to work on and post tonight in dedication to @goblackhatwithme . I hope you enjoy it, Renee! There are probably many mistakes in this so I am sorry but I wanted to get this posted tonight. This also has nothing to do with the film “P.S. I Love You,” but I thought it was a cute title. Hope you all enjoy!

Originally posted by nellaey

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon. You were in the boys’ dormitory, lounging on Sirius’ bed and waiting for him to get out of the shower. You sighed in slight annoyance as you knew it was going to be a while. He was always so keen on using the “finest muggle products for his precious hair” and cursed Lily and yourself for showing them to him in the first place.

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don’t look back in anger (otayuri, 2.5k, teen) :: 

 [life lesson: if some dumb-dumb actually tags you in a callout post on tumblr and says shitty, baseless things about you, don’t engage them.  write petty fic about otabek and yuri as grandpas who live on mars instead!!  you’re welcome.]


At age 54, Victor Nikiforov-Katsuki became one of the first successful test subjects for a series of anti-aging surgeries.  At 37, he had a knee surgery and received hair plugs, but the first in a series of operations at 54 gave him joints and muscle and organs of someone forever young.

Yuri had grimaced at the holoscreen when the news broke, having seen too much of Victor’s face to last several lifetimes.  “I bet he has a robodick too.”

“Yura,” Otabek had said, both fond and resigned from across the dining room table where he was dissecting a grapefruit half.  

At age 87, Victor Nikiforov-Katsuki went out in a blaze of glory deep-dicking his husband (“robodick,” confirmed BuzzfeedMars) on a solo flight to their summer home on Venus, when his elbow slipped and he managed to undo the ship’s airlock.  Neither he nor Yuuri had looked a day over 40.

Yuri’s let his body age. He’s still in good shape for 82; he does water aerobics with a group of old ladies every Tuesday and Thursday, and the atmosphere on Mars has naturally benefited his bones for the past three decades.  But he and Otabek have always been purists otherwise, letting nature take its course with their bodies and never giving into the temptation or philosophy of synthetic body maintenance.  There’s a small, petty part of him from his youth that remains, the purest part of himself that celebrates his body as the ultimate defeat of Victor Nikiforov.  He revels in his own skin, and in Otabek’s, and the thought that when death comes to them in old age they won’t have cheated it, but earned it somehow.  Victor and Yuuri’s parts were supposed to last them until 2089, and by then, who knows.  The idea of them fucking their ancient asses all over the goddamn galaxy still stirs something ugly in Yuri.  

Until Otabek gets sick.  Like, really, really sick.  And he keeps getting sick.  Bladder infections and kidney infections and pissing blood and choked up catheters and too many nights in the hospital instead of their estate, and suddenly there’s a question that goes unspoken between them.

“You’re killing yourself,” Yuri says finally after their third trip to the ER that month.  Otabek had a temperature of 40 degrees and collapsed in their greenhouse.  

“Or I’m just dying,” Otabek says.  “I’m old.”

“Bullshit,” Yuri says.  Otabek still skates sometimes on weekdays when the rink is empty, because he was blessed with superhuman cartilage in his knees and the back of a titan.  He just does simple laps to relieve stress while Yuri watches from the stands, long since given up the ice out of self preservation.  But Otabek has never had to, because Otabek has always been healthy and strong.  There’s nothing else to be said or done, because, “bullshit, you’re not allowed to die.”

 “I don’t think that’s how dying works,” Otabek replies.  He’s smiling and there’s acceptance in the smile that feels damning.   

“Fuck you,” Yuri says.  “The doctors have given you dozens of options.  There’s– technology, there’s–there’s–”

 “I thought you didn’t believe in that,” Otabek says.

 “Don’t let my pride kill you, Christ, Beka,” Yuri says, feeling impossibly young even with his knobbed knuckles and crooked fingers wrapped around Otabek’s own, mindful of the saline drip and hiding the biggest of his liver spots.  “If you don’t live through this, I’ll kill you.”

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Recommended Reading: Richonne Edition Part Seven

Here’s another quick list of some Richonne fics. Enjoy!
(Part 1  here, part 2  here, part 3 here , part 4 here, part 5 here and part 6)

7 Days  by twriter12   AU. It’s been almost a year since the survivors arrived in Alexandria. In safety and comfort, Rick starts a new life with Michonne. That happiness is threatened when Rick awakes from an injury and doesn’t remember his new life.

The Art of Control  by avintagekiss24   Maggie Greene has always been Michonne’s Achilles heel. Whatever the green eyed beauty wants, Michonne usually gives. So, when Maggie suggests a night out at one of her famous social mixers, Michonne obliges. Unbeknownst to all, a blue eyed stranger will shift her actuality from distinct to obscure. Limits will be tested, desires will be realized, and no one will be left the same.

Bad Thangs by kendrawriter32 Rick and Michonne are putting the pieces back together after the walker herd hit Alexandria hard, and the losses it brought them. With Maggie pregnant and the future for them all to consider, Michonne knows exactly what she wants, and so does Rick. They want each other. And they will have each other. In as many ways, on as many surfaces, in as many positions as they can get each other. The only question is who they’ll hurt, and what plans they’ll derail, in the process. Richonne smut, with a dash of angsty romance, stirred in with some plot. Enjoy!

Before The Reign  TheBaeTide Set Before ‘Sympathy for the Devil’ and long before 'Just Call me Lucifer’, this is the story of how Rick obsessed Rick and flawless Michonne came to be, starting from their first encounter. AU. No Walkers

Contractions of the HeartBy: Richonne4Life    Richonne. Michonne is a surrogate for Rick & Lori; Lori can’t handle reality; Rick is a lovesick fool; Richonne eventually rises.

Epic Love  By: 2violetflower15   Rick and Michonne navigate their way through an unexpected pregnancy. (Set post 6x16, about 4 months after the couch scene.)

Fires  by reciprocityfic   “Because sometimes fires burn to make way for something new…something beautiful.” The evolution of Rick and Michonne’s relationship throughout the course of season seven.

Girls With Brown Eyes  TheBaeTide Rick has been stuck in an undesirable position with his wife for months, and just as it begins to take its tole on him, he finds a reason to try happiness, over torture

The Great Wait by Nattah_Gudgrrl  Judith’s baby monitor spills the beans about Rick’s secret feelings for Michonne…Happiness for all my favorite characters! (because I’m a sap who can’t deal with tragedy very well) Ending with Richonne’s first time. (Because I need more swirl in my life) Kill me.  

Law & Order  by love.devil.movies.baby  It was just a normal day at the office until Michonne looked out the window to see two police officers brawling in the street. Now she feels compelled to help out the handsome cop who’s fighting for custody with his cheating wife and best friend. It should have been a straight forward case, but she and Rick seem to be spending more time together than necessary…Richonne AU

Me & You  By: blacklitchick Rick and Michonne enjoy some down time after the events of the mid-season finale.

Must’ve Been Somethin’ Else, Then  by idcabtthisish  This is a collection of Richonne one-shots.

My Best Friend’s Wedding  by  cakeby_thepound   Michonne and Rick recently ended a seven-year relationship, and now, Glenn and Maggie’s wedding is forcing them back together for the first time since the last time. (Richonne AU.)  

No Rest for the Gifted  by  Nattah_Gudgrrl   One Shot Michonne is insatiable. Can Rick keep up?(uhh… duh)             

Palm Trees  by cakeby_thepound   Rick and Michonne have been friends for years. They’ve seen one another through everything – marriage, divorce, new life, and even death. Now, as they look to leave the past behind, an island getaway with their closest friends may prove to be a second chance at life. And a first chance at romance… if they’re willing to take it. (Richonne AU.)              

Red Dirt Road  by Siancore   AU Richonne. This is focused on teenaged Richonne. Set in rural Georgia where Michonne has been spending her summer vacation visiting with family. Both she and Rick meet one day on Old Route 3 and a surprising friendship blossoms.

 Ride by  cakeby_thepound  “Every April, the county fair would come into town with a setup like this,” Rick fondly recalled, surveying the scene around him. He and Michonne had stumbled onto what was once the campus of a middle school, where a small carnival had been constructed in its parking lot. They were supposed to be on a weapons run, but in reality, it’d turned into a search for anything useful. And if nothing else, schools tended to have plenty of bathroom tissue and cafeteria food. “We would take Carl,” he went on to say. “Make a whole weekend out of it.            

Seven Days  by RickRhymes   "She knew, in her gut, if she started something with Rick, it wasn’t going to end with a one night stand. For either of them.” Richonne short story. Pre-apocalypse AU.

Something New  by dimples33  Ghanaian Princess Michonne Edo Okeke comes to the US to meet her betrothed Prince Desmond Umaze and to further her studies and falls in love with another man. (Rick, Michonne, Lori, Andrea, Maggie, Sasha, Daryl, Shane and others.) AU, No walkers.

Whisper  by  charrrmed  After surviving a herd and an explosion with Rick, Michonne feels alive. Rick, on the other hand, is preoccupied with what could’ve gone wrong. Despite being constrained by an occupied car, Michonne decides to give him some of her optimism. Set in 6x09 Rock in the Road.       

fuckfuckfuck this is sooo late. writer’s block completely crashed into me and screwed me over. i don’t know how to write anymore i’m sorry D: 

prompt fill for the fantastic @prompt-master​!! <3


“–Jeremy? You’re spacing out.”

Michael regrets the words when he sees Jeremy’s shoulders tense up, his whole body going rigid. “Shit, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“No, I–” Jeremy swerves around to face his best friend, blinking owlishly. “I’m fine. Sorry.”

Michael studies him closely. He seems fine, but the blue of his eyes is a bit duller than usual–an airy blue adulterated with gray, like a sky anticipating a rainstorm. It’s a little concerning. His eyes only look like that when he’s sad. Or tired.

“Are you okay?”

Jeremy blinks, clearly startled by the question. “What? Yeah. I’m–good. I’m great.” He smiles–thank god it’s a genuine smile–and Michael relaxes just a little. 

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say you’ll remember me

Originally posted by giantgyu

mingyu x reader fluff, angst, implied smut

6,445 words

a/n: i know some parts of this are so *stares right into the camera* obnoxiously cheesy but guess what? i like this and i just don’t care. i’m currently writing a horribly stupidly long hoseok fic, but i realized the writing had gotten a little stale n asked my bff for a prompt to write a “ficlet” (this was supposed to be 2k or less) and she gave me: mingyu, fluff and angst, wildest dreams by taylor swift (because my mingyu tag is “he’s so tall and handsome as hell”). so ta da, this is what u get

~ in which your young, dumb love will hurt you, will ruin you, has an expiration date…but is so, so worth it


    You never forgot to visit your hometown in the summertime. Of course, it was nice to see your family, but you could see them any time of the year, and saw them often in the fall and the winter. What made the long drive from the city worth it in the hundred degree weather, sun glaring down on the hood of your car and baking you inside of it, was the chance to see the seaside in all its glory. You’d been raised in a humble beach town and you’d seen it a thousand times, but you’d be happy to see it a thousand more. As a kid, you couldn’t say you’d appreciated it much. The town itself and the beach were a little dumpy, nothing to write home about.

    It was the memories you’d created there once upon a time that made it special. As you pulled into a spot in the tiny parking lot and cut the ignition, you could remember late nights in the backseat of a car a lot older and rustier than this one, making your own heat as you pressed your sweat-slicked body to another. You trudged out onto the sand and as it flattened beneath your sneakers, you remembered squishing it between your toes as you watched a certain young man wading in the shallow ocean waters. He’d splashed some little kids nearby, pretending to fall beneath the surface with the weight of their own splashes back at him, and you’d imagined how this scene would look many years from now with children who were the perfect mix of you and him. You’d been 17 then.

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apanoplyofsong  asked:

OKAY I think I finally came up with an actual prompt?? Something to the effect of "we adopted a pet together and now my mom/whoever definitely thinks we're dating whoops"

10/10 any prompt with pets in it is an excellent prompt. hope you like it and thanks for being such a great friend! (ao3)


The thing about Bellamy Blake, as Clarke well knows, is that he’s incapable of not caring for things smaller and more defenseless than he is. Not when he could help instead. She knew this when he moved in with her. She knew it from the first time he gave drunk Raven a piggyback the whole way home.

What she didn’t know was how it would affect her life once he becomes her roommate.

It starts innocently enough, with Bellamy hanging a bird feeder on the balcony after he finds a nest built into a crevice there.

“How much research did you do last night?” Clarke asks, amusedly interrupting his verbal pros-and-cons rundown of different models at Home Depot. She’d come along in part because she thinks it’s funny, how worried he is about these birds who can ostensibly take care of themselves.

(She’d also come along because it’s really cute, but that’s neither here nor there.)

“I may have looked at a few comparison charts online,” he admits, smiling sheepishly. “I don’t want to spend good money on something that isn’t going to work the way I want it to.”

“I didn’t know there was a wrong way a bird feeder could work.”

“Hence the research.”

She shakes her head fondly and taps the smallest option. “Just get this one. We’re looking to feed one family, not the whole forest.”

He stares for another moment, then nods and starts putting the rest of the boxes back on the shelf.

“How come you’re never this decisive when we’re picking a restaurant for dinner?”

“My muse is fickle, Bellamy.”

“Uh-huh.”

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Mismatched

I have heterochromia.

My mom has it too, only hers is sectoral heterochromia. A part of her left eye is brown while most of it is blue. Mine’s complete. My right eye is brown, the left is blue. As a kid I’d get the most excited reaction out of the adults-

“His eyes are so beautiful!”

“Wow, they’re different colors!”

“How stunning!”

I’d like to say that my eyes are only one part of myself, that it’s just a slice of the pie that makes up me. But really, the only fascinating part of myself is the heterochromia. I’m average in grades. Height. Strength. IQ. Not much stunning charisma either- I tend to stick to myself.

But in the end, it’s my eyes that saved my life. And maybe the lives of a few others.

The killings started my sophomore year. A young couple going out to smooch in their car was found dead, mangled by some wild beast. Their faces had been eaten off, their tongues ripped out, and their eyes completely gone.

I didn’t know them, they went to the private school. All the same, the stories started up about the Gosbecks Knoll Beast.

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4

Every Tuesday my parents go to Austin’s Bar & Grill with 25 or more other old people. My parents start talking about what they’re going to order on the Wednesday after they were there on Tuesday. Sometimes it’s going to be salad and onion rings. Other times it’s hamburgers and, perhaps, green beans. They tip bigger than they would because others in their group tip smaller than they should. It’s something to do when you don’t have all that much left to do.

On their way to Austin’s, they will pass Garmin, a complex that started out small and just keeps getting wider and taller. My dad worked at King Radio for most of his adult life. It was founded by Ed King, a K-State graduate who built a company that became the gold standard for small aircraft navigational equipment. I worked there during the summers when I was in college where I shipped more 170B transponders than you could imagine. (Coincidentally, Mr. King paid for the International Student Center on the KSU campus and this is where Pete took me on our first “date” where he ate the food in the refrigerator that was not his.) 

Anyway, when he was at King Radio, Dad had a casual friend named Gary. They played softball together, talked about their young kids, got their hair cut by the same downtown barber. Gary and an Asian engineer at King went on to combine their names, Gar and Min, and formed the company Garmin. If my dad had been younger and less close to retirement, he would have gone to Garmin in those days when it was neither wide nor tall. Sometimes, as they drive to Austin’s for tacos and french fries, Mom and Dad mention Gary and wonder how things might have been had Dad been in on the ground floor.

Anyway, Austin’s and Garmin collided two days ago in my hometown. As you might have heard, two Indian engineers headed across the street from Garmin to Austin’s to watch what every sports bar in Kansas would be watching—the KU Jayhawks go for their 13th straight Big 12 conference title. A drunk, known to the Austin’s people, kept hassling the two men and was kicked out of the bar. He later returned, shouted something like “Get out of my country” and shot them. Another young man, who would have had no idea that he was going to become a hero that day, stepped in to help. One Indian was left dead, the other was injured along with the hero. Another day. Another angry white man with a gun. Another dead young man. Another time of us all saying we never thought it would happen in our town. Until it did.

And we’ll all begin the rituals that we’ve become so good at. A few days ago, I looked for a GoFundMe page so that I could donate to the desecrated Jewish cemetery in Missouri. Today I will donate to the GoFundMe for the Austin’s bar victims. Young kids and moms and teen girls will bring flowers to put outside the bar. Neighbors of the shooter will say that they knew their neighbor was a bit off but they never expected this. We will mourn the loss of a fellow human who was trying to make his way on this big earth. His body, paid for with GoFundMe money, will make its way home to his family. We are just really really good at this in America. Practice makes perfect.

Anyway, last night, with those words “get out of my country” that have been given more acceptance by Trump bouncing around in my head, I went to the town hall meeting at the church at the end of my street. Senator Jerry Moran was not there. To be completely fair, and I’m trying to be in these trying times, this was not an organized meeting. Moran had not set up this town hall meeting. He had not said he would attend the meeting. Rather, organizers set it up and invited him. Even on the website, it said that no one knew if Senator Moran had seen the invitation and no one knew if he would attend. So I can’t fairly say that he ducked out of meeting that he had never set up.

But his presence or absence isn’t really the story here. I live in Johnson County, Kansas. It’s not totally red like most of Kansas. It’s definitely not blue. But, still, parts of it voted for Hillary. Others voted for the candidates who could not win. If you add those together, more in Johnson County voted for someone not named Trump than voted for Trump. It’s not a purple area yet, but it’s definitely lavender. Olathe, though, is a red dot in that purple. It’s really red. Like maybe scarlet. And, still, the parking lot was packed. Perhaps with as many cars as would be there on a Sunday. It was dark and you could see the headlights of cars driving up and down aisles trying to find a place to park. 

My high school friend Verneda was there. We talked about the meanness that we hadn’t known existed in America. We talked about the night Hillary lost. We talked about how all this political activism was something new. We agreed that we needed to keep it up even when it was hard.

The meeting room was full. The overflow crowd had spilled into the lobby. No one in the lobby could hear the speakers inside. What most surprised me was the demographic of those there. I had expected young people in jeans and sweatshirts on this unseasonably warm evening. I’d thought there might be some moms there. They were there. But also there were so many old people. Like really old people. And they, the old people, were the ones in charge. One bent-backed lady with silver hair kept shushing those of us in the overflow area because she wanted to hear the speakers. She looked like those women who always run the polling stations. Those women who show up, do their job, get it done, and go home with no thanks. I repeat. The majority of the people there were old. I was—-surprised.

These old people had us fill out 3x5 cards with messages to be hand delivered to Moran’s office. They had a whiteboard where you could write a message to Moran, take a picture of yourself standing next to it, and as the old women told us, post it to social media. Social Media? These suddenly tech savvy ladies and gentlemen were telling these teens how to use social media to ferment discord.

When I was a teen, there was a song by Buffalo Springfield that I loved and, when I hear it, I remember Vietnam and halter tops and Jesus freaks. The song said:

“There’s something happening here. What it is ain’t exactly clear.”

That’s how it felt last night in this church lobby in scarlet red Olathe where I mingled with angry riled up Kansans. There’s something happening here. And Senator Moran and others would do well to pay attention.

wjsn for newbies here we go

BACKSTORY so cosmic girls/wjsn is made up of four units (wonder, joy, sweet, and natural) and is the baby sister girl group to sistar and monsta x. they are WILDLY gay and chaotic (have been coined the Chaos Family by yours truly). their concept is that they are from space and thats it thats the concept so space is gay. theyve had two comebacks and had a member in ioi and a member who participated in girl spirit

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mellarkablegirl  asked:

Hello! Are you planning on extending the Come on Baby, Light my Fire series? (P.S Its amazing) If yes then here's a new word prompt you could use : Malapert - Clever in manners of speech

You thought I forgot about this, didn’t you @mellarkablegirl? SURPRISE! It’s Firefighter Friday!!!


Part 1: Grapholagnia

Part 2: Neighbors/We meet again

Part 3: Callipygian

Part 4: Apodyopis

Part 5: Gymnophoria

Part 6: Mamihlapinatapei

Part 7: Basorexia

Part 8: Coitus

Part 9: Hypersexuality


Come On Baby, Light My Fire: Part 10 - Malapert

Does it count as a first date if you wake in the person’s arms?

We lounge in bed, drifting between awake and asleep, Peeta’s fingertips skating over my legs and hips, etching cool patterns or maybe words into my skin. It’s such a luxury to wile away the hours this way. We get up to eat, but it isn’t until early afternoon that we’re both awake and willing enough to actually go on our hiking date.

I dress in cotton pants and a t-shirt, tugging on a hooded sweatshirt for warmth. Peeta leaves me for a few minutes to dress in his apartment and returns garbed much the way I am, his black backpack slung over one shoulder.

It doesn’t feel like a first date as I drive us out of town, since Peeta apparently doesn’t own a car, preferring to walk or use public transportation to get around the city. We talk and laugh, the windows down and the crisp fall air making a tangled mess of flyaways even though I braided my hair. I tell him about the time my father and I got ourselves chased up a tree by a black bear when we plucked berries from a bush he’d apparently already laid claim to. And as I park in one of the lots at the trailhead near Lake Panem, I realize that I’ve never been this comfortable on a first date before.

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HRH Prince William: BY ALASTAIR CAMPBELL

For years, Prince William found himself in a state of shock, unable to deal with the tragic death of his mother Princess Diana. As the nation wept that summer in 1997, in private William couldn’t allow himself to grieve. Quite simply, aged 15, he locked his emotions away, burying them beneath routine and a most dutiful, demanding public life. Until now. Recently, William has started talking about his loss, opening up and admitting his struggle and its effects - now he is passionately calling for all men to follow his example through his mental health campaign, Heads Together. In what is undoubtedly the most candid interview he has ever given, the 34-year-old future King talks exclusively to GQ about his mother’s death, his relationship with the media, his work, his family and how he is determined to lead by example. Oh, that my mother was alive to see me now, walking into Kensington Palace on a sunny spring day, to take tea with the future King William. Born in the same year as the Queen, 1926, and given the same Christian name, Elizabeth, my mother “Betty” was a fervent monarchist; indeed one of my earliest political memories is of the row provoked when, about half a century ago, I refused to listen to the Queen’s Christmas Day message. She and I also used to argue about Prince William’s parents as the disintegration of their marriage provoked a bitter propaganda war between them and their supporters. Once I got to know Princess Diana, in a series of extraordinary meetings (see my diaries, volume one) before Labour won power in 1997, despite the nasty columns I used to write about her as a journalist, I became something of a fan. I was smitten indeed, and so took her side in the Charles-Diana rows taking place in homes up and down the country. My mother was more for Charles, seeing as how he was going to be the next king. It is not a conversion from republicanism that has sparked this meeting with the Prince - though “President Trump” would challenge anyone’s faith in an elected head of state - but a common cause, namely the desire to eradicate the stigma and taboo surrounding mental illness. Prince William, his wife Catherine and his brother Harry, have chosen mental health as their main cause, and their Heads Together campaign has been successfully promoting the importance of being as open about our mental health as we are about our physical health. When they started off down this path, the republican in me was annoyed they could get so much traction for anything they did; but the Time To Change mental health campaigner was overjoyed. They have overseen the making of a series of short films showing the importance of talking about mental health problems rather than bottling them up. To my surprise, I was asked to take part in a film, talking with my partner Fiona about how my mental health troubles impact on us. Then, even more surprisingly, given how few extended interviews he gives, he agreed to be interviewed for GQ. I had met him a few times, on the British and Irish Lions rugby tour of New Zealand in 2005, for example, and more recently at a dinner where I asked him whether he would follow the lead of his grandmother when he became king, by never giving an interview as monarch. Here, I was keen to test two things in particular. One was whether his commitment to this cause was real and whether he had a proper understanding of the issues. You can make up your own mind on that, but after an hour and a half at the palace, mine was made up in his favour. Secondly, I wanted to see how close to the public persona the more private man in his own habitat might be. Would he speak with the same stilted style that seems to characterise his public speaking? He didn’t. Would he have a sense of humour? He did. Would he stand on ceremony? He didn’t. Was there any real passion behind the shy exterior? There was. Indeed, were she still here, I would have called my mum and told her, “Good news - I liked him.”

What son doesn’t miss his mother when she’s gone? As you shall see, almost 20 years on from that car crash in Paris, Prince William clearly misses Princess Diana intensely, saying it is only now he feels able properly to talk about her death, the extraordinary week that followed it, and the enormous impact it had on him and his brother. He doesn’t believe she had mental health problems, and nor does he think that he does. But the trauma he suffered losing her so young, and in such awful circumstances, partly explains why he is determined to get the nation talking more about our emotions, not least because, in life and death, his mother changed the way we express them.

AC: So what’s a nice future king like you doing with an old leftie republican like me?

PW: That’s a very good question Alastair [laughs]. To be honest, I really don’t care where people come from, I like meeting and talking to people from all backgrounds. And this is a good opportunity to talk about something that is very close to your heart, and very close to mine.

AC: And why is mental health so close to yours?

PW: Practically everything in my charitable life, in the end, is to do with mental health, whether it be homelessness, veterans’ welfare, my wife and the work she is doing on addiction; so much of what we do comes back to mental health. Also, if I think about my current job as a helicopter pilot with the air ambulance service in East Anglia, my first job there was a suicide and it really affected me. I have been to a number of suicides, self harms, overdoses.

AC: In what way did it affect you?

PW: Not just the person who lost their life, but the people they leave behind. One of the stats I was given was that, just in the area we cover in the east of England - my base is in Cambridge - there are five attempted suicides every day. Yet suicide is still not talked about. So people have the pain of loss, but also the stigma and taboo means they are sometimes ashamed even to talk about how a lover, a partner, a brother, a sister, a best friend, how they died. That stat - five attempted suicides in the East Anglia region alone - it blew my mind, I thought, “Oh my God, this is such a big issue.”

AC: I am a patron of the Maytree suicide sanctuary in north London, and you and your wife made a private visit there. What impact did that have?

PW: The thing that made an impression on me, it wasn’t just the feelings of the people, the pain they were going through and the care for them, it was that this is the only place of its kind in the UK. It may be the only one in the whole of Europe, and I thought, this is terrifying, it really is, there should be more places like this, where people can go when they’re desperate. I have spoken to suicide groups and having been through personal grief myself, I had an inkling of what to expect, but it was all so raw. When someone does end their own life, [there are] so many questions, people feeling guilty, why didn’t we see it, why didn’t we do more, and all surrounded by this massive taboo. I found it eye opening, so revealing as to what goes on in people’s minds.

AC: When you land in your air ambulance and you get out, what on earth do they say when they see you?

PW: We are only likely to be there if people are in deep trauma or unconscious.

AC: But the other people there?

PW: We are often the first on the scene. Also, I do hang back a little. We land, we secure the scene, I will be sorting the comms for the next flight, and then I might be running around helping with equipment and so on.

AC: Nobody ever has to explain, say, “Sorry, don’t worry about him”?

PW: Most people seem to guess, but I do keep as far back as I can and let the team do what they have to do. I maybe carry the stretcher, carry the kit, sort the comms for the next leg. It is all very fast paced.

AC: Why do the three of you work together on Heads Together?

PW: It is a bit of an experiment really. The Royal Family has not normally done this, three members of the family pulling together to focus on one thing. Normally things are quite disjointed, we follow our own interests and see where it goes, but we thought, well, if we tied it together and had a focused approach, how would that work? We wanted to see the impact we could have.

AC: You must get bombarded with approaches and requests? How do you decide what causes and events to support? Do you try to be strategic about it?

PW: Focused rather than strategic, I would say. When I settle on something, I want to dig deep, I want to understand what I am involved in, I want to understand the complexities of all the issues and, above all, I want to make an impact.

AC: Do you not get frustrated, though? Of course, there are advantages to your position but there are limitations too, because you cannot stray into politics. So you can’t do what I do and bang the drum for more resources and more action from government. Is that not really frustrating?

PW: It can be frustrating at times. I watch the political world, I am interested in it, at times I feel there are things going on I could really help with, but you have to understand where you sit and what the limits are; and with regard to what we do in our charity work, I like to think you can do just as much good but in a different direction.

AC: It’s great you guys are getting involved in mental health. Generally, my worry, though, is there is a danger that making improvements on stigma and taboos is seen as a substitute for services, not an accompaniment. Presumably you saying something like that goes beyond acceptable limits?

PW: No, not at all. I can say that. If I attack government policy, no, I can’t, but I can certainly make that kind of point. What we can do is convene, bring people together, organise private meetings, get experts in one room who might otherwise not always meet, they tend not to refuse an invitation, and we can thrash things out.

AC: Is it very much Harry on veterans, Kate on addiction and young women, you on men in general?

PW: A little bit. Harry has the Invictus Games and focuses a lot on veterans. But we are not stuck in our boxes. We are all three of us trying to understand the tentacles of mental health, which go everywhere. I do think if you are focused about general aims you can have a much greater impact. So we do try to stay focused, not splurge around.

AC: Are you in the mental health space for the long haul?

PW: Medium to long term, definitely. What we would love to do is smash the taboo. Getting the London Marathon as the mental health marathon, that was a big thing, and I hope we are reaching a tipping point. But it is a bit like wading through treacle. It is tough. We are now looking at a legacy programme. We are not going to rush, and the mental health sector has to believe in what we might propose, so we are getting expert opinion and then we will pick and choose and decide what we do.

AC: Why don’t you do the London Marathon yourself?

PW: I would love to, but from the policing point of view, they tested it and they were like, “What?” I am keen to do a marathon but it won’t be London.

AC: What about getting a treadmill in here and doing it while everyone else is pounding the streets?

PW: It would be so boring.

AC: Be great television.

PW: I think I would have mental health issues if I was just staring at that wall. I do want to do it though - and the training. In the military we did plenty of similar things to marathons, like yomping over the Brecon Beacons with a ton of kit on your back. I am just pleased we got London as the mental health marathon.

AC: Do you have specific goals and outcomes for the campaign?

PW: Smashing the taboo is our biggest aim. We can’t go anywhere much until that’s done. People can’t access services till they feel less ashamed, so we must tackle the taboo, the stigma, for goodness sake, this is the 21st century. I’ve been really shocked how many people live in fear and in silence because of mental illness. I just don’t understand it. I know I come across as quite reserved and shy, I don’t always have my emotions brewing, but behind closed doors I think about the issues, I get very passionate about things. I rely on people around me for opinions, and I am a great believer in communication on these issues. I cannot understand how families, even behind closed doors, still find it so hard to talk about it. I am shocked we are so worried about saying anything about the true feelings we have. Because mental illness is inside our heads, invisible, it means others tread so carefully, and people don’t know what to say, whereas if you have a broken leg in plaster, everyone knows what to say.

AC: This is my vested interest speaking here, but what with the marathon and the other things, do you think you might stay in this mental health space for good?

PW: We want to see what impact we can have.

AC: You are making an impact now.

PW: I feel we’re going in the right direction, but not making as much impact as we would like. You know what it is like, you want to get there, grapple with all the issues, get there quickly, make the change that is needed.

AC: But in your position, can you do that?

PW: You can, but you have to do it carefully. Maybe we do make change but the way we do it is slower. We get the benefits of more publicity for the things we do.

AC: I do remember when your father’s letters used to come into Number Ten. Will you go down that route, with his very frank letters to ministers?

PW: [Laughs.] Could you read them?

AC: It wasn’t the handwriting that was the problem.

PW: I have written to ministers but purely to point them towards people I think they should see. So a charity might ask me if I can help with someone and I can help get them access to the people in government.

AC: So you don’t lobby but you introduce?

PW: There are issues I am interested in and I am happy to connect people to ministers.

AC: But you’re perhaps not as robust as your father?

PW: My father has always come at this from a depth of knowledge and a desire to help. He only gets involved in anything when he has those two things: knowledge matched to a desire to help. He genuinely cares. We can argue till the cows come home about whether what he says is right or wrong, but he lives this stuff every day, goes into minute detail, wants to help inform opinion and provide knowledge. I would love to know what the public really think, whether they feel shocked or pleased he gets involved. He has done this for a long, long time, and I think he has used his role really well to raise a lot of questions that people need to ask.

AC: So what might this mental health legacy be?

PW: One idea is getting mental health first aiders in schools. Teachers are under such pressure, they face so many challenges every day. They cannot be expected to be mental health counsellors as well, so we thought there must be a way of having mental health first aiders who can be attached to one or two schools.

AC: Is that something you would promote or fund?

PW: That is what we need to work out. It is a bit of a challenge, but we have a whole range of ideas we are looking at.

AC: Now, tell me about the idea of the films - and thank you for asking me to do one.

PW: Thank for you doing it. I watched it this morning.

AC: What was the purpose of them?

PW: This was predominantly about the importance of the conversation. The point we wanted to get over was that, often, talking is the best thing you can do - it can start the whole process of recovery. For a lot of people things brew up, particularly men maybe, they don’t want to talk about problems.

AC: When you were growing up, when you were still at school, did you feel you were surrounded by people who couldn’t talk about feelings?

PW: Yes, I think so, but I do think a generational shift has gone on. If I look at my parents’ generation, there was a lot more stiff upper lip going on. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and a place for the stiff upper lip, and, for those of us in public life, times when you have to maintain it, but behind closed doors, in normal everyday life, we have to be more open and upfront with our feelings and emotions. Mental health in the workplace is a huge issue, and a sensitive area, and leadership is important here. When you see people in high-powered jobs in the City and big corporations who got there despite their mental health problems, that is a huge success story and it shouldn’t be seen as anything else.

AC: Or maybe people get there because of their mental health problems too.

PW: Absolutely.

AC: I feel I owe mine quite a lot.

PW: Absolutely, but what is really important here is that we are normalising mental health, so if a CEO comes out and says, “I went through this, I got through these dark times,” that is amazing, it normalises, it has an impact then in that organisation and beyond. But without that kind of thing, people tend to make excuses, avoid talking about issues that may be affecting them, pretend everything is fine.

AC: So as an employer, if one of your staff came and saw you and said, “I am really struggling,” do you think you would deal with that properly?

PW: Definitely. I am not pretending I am an amazing counsellor, or a specialist, I’m not, but I would take it seriously and if they needed help I would find it for them.

AC: Now, on the stiff upper lip, I can see why there may be a place for that. But listen… my mother died when I was 56, she had a full life, died quickly, relatively painlessly, but it was very upsetting. I am not sure I could have walked behind her coffin with millions of people around the world looking at me, without crying.

PW: No.

AC: So how hard was that?

PW: It was one of the hardest things I have ever done. But if I had been in floods of tears the entire way round how would that have looked?

AC: How can you not be in floods of tears if you feel like being in floods of tears?

PW: In the situation I was in, it was self-preservation. I didn’t feel comfortable anyway, having that massive outpouring of emotion around me. I am a very private person, and it was not easy. There was a lot of noise, a lot of crying, a lot of wailing, people were throwing stuff, people were fainting.

AC: As you were walking?

PW: Yes. It was a very unusual experience. It was something I don’t think anyone could have predicted. Looking back, the outpouring of grief and emotion was very touching but it was very odd to be in that situation.

AC: When you were up at Balmoral through the week, were you conscious of how big it all was down here in London?

PW: No, not at all. All I cared about was that I had lost my mum.

AC: So you were protected from everything happening on the Mall?

PW: Yes. I was 15, Harry almost 13, and the overwhelming thing was we had lost our mother.

AC: So when you came back, and you saw how big the reaction was?

PW: I didn’t take it in. I still didn’t realise what was going on, really.

AC: Did you grieve?

PW: That is a very good question. [Pause.] Probably not properly. I was in a state of shock for many years.

AC: Years?

PW: Yes, absolutely. People might find that weird, or think of shock as something that is there, it hits you, then in an hour or two, maybe a day or two, you are over it. Not when it is this big a deal; when you lose something so significant in your life, so central, I think the shock lasts for many years.

AC: My favourite soundbite of the Blair era was not from him, but your grandmother after 9/11, when she said, “Grief is the price we pay for love.”

PW: Yes, absolutely.

AC: But for you to say you felt you were in shock for years - how much harder is it when you are having to grieve or try to grieve with this extraordinary level of global scrutiny, and the endless ridiculous fascination in every detail of your and your mother’s lives.

PW: It does make it more difficult. It doesn’t make you less human. You’re the same person, it is a part of the job to have the interest. The thing is, you can’t bring all your baggage everywhere you go. You have to project the strength of the United Kingdom - that sounds ridiculous, but we have to do that. You can’t just be carrying baggage and throwing it out there and putting it on display everywhere you go. My mother did put herself right out there and that is why people were so touched by her. But I am determined to protect myself and the children, and that means preserving something for ourselves. I think I have a more developed sense of self-preservation.

AC: Yet the Heads Together campaign is all about saying we should talk, be more open about our emotions, out with the stiff upper lip, in with more talking.

PW: Absolutely.

AC: So is it different for you?

PW: Well, I am in the role I am in. But if I had mental health issues I would happily talk about them. I think the closest I got was the trauma I suffered when I lost my mother, the scale of the grief, and I still haven’t necessarily dealt with that grief as well as I could have done over the years.

AC: Who do you talk to?

PW: Family, friends, I talk to those around me who I trust.

AC: But it can’t be easy in your position to find people you can trust totally.

PW: It is hard. But I have always believed in being very open and honest. One of the few strengths I might have is I am good at reading people, and I can usually tell if someone is just being nice because of who I am, and saying stuff for the wrong reasons.

AC: Have you ever talked to people other than friends and family about your feelings?

PW: No I have not talked to a specialist or anyone clinical, but I have friends who are good listeners, and, on grief, I find talking about my mother and keeping her memory alive very important. I find it therapeutic to talk about her, and to talk about how I feel.

AC: So we are coming up to the 20th anniversary of her death. Are you looking forward to that? Or are you dreading it?

PW: I am not looking forward to it, no, but I am in a better place about it than I have been for a long time, where I can talk about her more openly, talk about her more honestly, and I can remember her better, and publicly talk about her better. It has taken me almost 20 years to get to that stage. I still find it difficult now because at the time it was so raw. And also it is not like most people’s grief, because everyone else knows about it, everyone knows the story, everyone knows her. It is a different situation for most people who lose someone they love, it can be hidden away or they can choose if they want to share their story. I don’t have that choice really. Everyone has seen it all.

AC: The first time I met your mother, in 1994, she said, “Why did you write those horrible things about me when you were a journalist?” I said, “My God, I can’t believe you read that stuff.” But she did. I was shocked that she had read it and also remembered it, it was years earlier. It made me think at the time that some people reach a certain level of fame at which media and public cease to see them as human beings. Do you think that is what happened to her, and do you think it has ever happened to you?

PW: Not with me, no. I think with her it was a unique case. The media issue with my mother was probably the worst any public figure has had to deal with.

AC: What? The intrusion, the harassment?

PW: Yes, but more the complete salacious appetite for anything, anything at all about her, even if there was no truth in it, none whatsoever.

AC: So you don’t have any sympathy with the argument that she cultivated her own friends in the media and fed the whole thing?

PW: I have been exploring this. Remember, I was young at the time. I didn’t know what was going on. I know some games and shenanigans were played, but she was isolated, she was lonely, things within her own life got very difficult and she found it very hard to get her side of the story across. I think she was possibly a bit naive and ended up playing into the hands of some very bad people.

AC: Media people?

PW: Yes. This was a young woman with a high profile position, very vulnerable, desperate to protect herself and her children and I feel strongly there was no responsibility taken by media executives who should have stepped in, and said, “Morally, what we are doing, is this right, is this fair, is this moral?” Harry and I were so young and I think if she had lived, when we were older we would have played that role, and I feel very sad and I still feel very angry that we were not old enough to be able to do more to protect her, not wise enough to step in and do something that could have made things better for her. I hold a lot of people to account that they did not do what they should have done, out of human decency.

AC: Were you not tempted to give evidence to the Leveson Inquiry?

PW: We discussed it, but decided in the end not to. Remember, we were the first to expose the phone hacking.

AC: You seem to get a hard time from one or two papers these days. Do you think there is a bit of score-settling going on?

PW: I don’t know.

AC: Do you get followed and chased by paps on bikes?

PW: Not often. But there is a lot of quite sophisticated surveillance that goes on.

AC: So even if not phone hacking, which is far from guaranteed, the press have moved on to other things?

PW: I suppose the one glimmer of light is that because of what happened to my mother, we do not get it as bad as she did. We still have problems, for sure, but do have a little more protection because of the ridiculous levels it got to for my mother - the fact she was killed being followed, being chased, I think there are more boundaries to their actions.

AC: Really?

PW: It is a little better than it used to be.

AC: During the week of her death, Tony Blair spoke to your father and he said to me afterwards, “This is going to be a problem, those boys are going to need help, they are going to despise the media, blame them for her death, yet the media will be a part of their lives.”

PW: Yes, they are.

AC: When you were in Paris recently, posing for hundreds of photographers with President Hollande, did you look at them and wonder if any of them were among the ones who chased her that night?

PW: I’m afraid those are the kind of things I have just had to come to terms with. It is so hard to explain, using only words, what it was like for my mother. If I could only bring out what I saw and what happened in my mother’s life and death, and the role the media played in that, that is the only way people would ever understand it. I can try to explain it in words, but to live it, see it, breathe it, you can’t explain how horrendous it was for her.

AC: Do you think the reaction to her death was a big factor in diminishing the stiff upper lip approach, and changed the way we mourn? Do you think the kind of reaction we saw when, say, David Bowie died last year, would have been the same without that reaction for your mother?

PW: No it wouldn’t. The massive outpouring around her death has really changed the British psyche, for the better.

AC: You do think it is for the better?

PW: Yes, I do think it is for the better.

AC: How much did that week after your mother’s death bring you and Harry together?

PW: We are very close.

AC: And that feeling of shock, sadness, you never felt it strayed over to what I would know as an illness, depression?

PW: I have never felt depressed in the way I understand it, but I have felt incredibly sad. And I feel the trauma of that day has lived with me for 20 years, like a weight, but I would not say that has led me to depression. I still want to get up in the morning, I want to do stuff, I still feel I can function. Believe me, at times it has felt like it would break me, but I have felt I have learned to manage it and I’ve talked about it. On the days when it has got bad I have never shied away from talking about it and addressing how I feel. I have gone straight to people around me and said, “Listen I need to talk about this today.”

AC: Like when?

PW: Last week with the air ambulance, I flew to a really bad case, a small boy and a car accident. I have seen quite a lot of car injuries, and you have to deal with what you see, but every now and then one gets through the armour. This one penetrated the armour, not just me but the crew who have seen so much. It was the feelings of loss from a parent’s point of view, the parents of the boy. Anything to do with parent and child, and loss, it is very difficult, it has a big effect on me, it takes me straight back to my emotions back when my mother died, and I did go and talk to people at work about it. I felt so sad. I felt that one family’s pain and it took me right back to the experience I had. The more relatable pain is to your own life the harder it is to shake it off.

AC: How has the passing of time helped?

PW: They do say time is a healer, but I don’t think it heals fully. It helps you deal with it better. I don’t think it ever fully heals.

AC: Is there a part of you that doesn’t want it to heal fully because for that to happen might make her feel more distant? So you feel the need to stay strongly attached? If grief is the price we pay for love, maybe you want to keep the grief out of fear that loss of grief means you love her less?

PW: One thing I can always say about my mother is she smothered Harry and me in love. Twenty years on I still feel the love she gave us and that is testament to her massive heart and her amazing ability to be a great mother.

AC: How different do you think the country would be if she was still here?

PW: I have thought about that, but mainly from my own perspective. I would like to have had her advice. I would love her to have met Catherine and to have seen the children grow up. It makes me sad that she won’t, that they will never know her.

AC: What about the public Diana?

PW: I think she would have carried on, really getting stuck into various causes and making change. If you look at some of the issues she focused on, leprosy, Aids, landmines, she went for some tough areas. She would have carried on with that.

AC: She was an extraordinary woman.

PW: She was.

AC: How hard do you find the scrutiny? I mean you can’t even do a bit of bad dad dancing without someone taking a video?

PW: [Laughs.] Honestly, I can dance better than that. It’s true though, camera phones, Twitter, there’s not much privacy. I don’t think it was too bad. It wasn’t as if I was falling out of a nightclub, totally wasted. I think people realise everyone has to blow off a bit of energy and tension every now and then.

AC: So how did you feel when some of the papers said you don’t work hard enough?

PW: Criticism is part of the turf, I’m afraid. I think the public are much more nuanced. I have my air ambulance job, I carry out the duties the Queen asks me to, I have my charities and causes and I am raising a young family, so I can’t let that criticism get to me.

AC: A couple of the papers do seem to have turned against you, though?

PW: There is a certain element of Fleet Street getting fed up with nice stories about us. They want the past back again, soap, drama.

AC: Do you see it as part of your job to avoid giving them that? A bit of normality, stability.

PW: I couldn’t do my job without the stability of the family. Stability at home is so important to me. I want to bring up my children in a happy, stable, secure world, and that is so important to both of us as parents. I want George to grow up in a real, living environment, I don’t want him growing up behind palace walls, he has to be out there. The media make it harder but I will fight for them to have a normal life.

AC: But surely you must accept it is an abnormal life?

PW: Totally, but I can still try to protect them as children.

AC: The Queen, your father, you, now George. Four people on the planet who might one day be the head of state in the UK. It is fair to say republicanism has lost, not least thanks to your grandmother. The monarchy seems to have bucked the trend even though we live in a non-deferential, anti-establishment age. Do you feel that?

PW: I do feel the monarchy is in a good place and, like you say, my grandmother has done a remarkable job leading the country - her vision, her sense of duty, her loyalty, her steadfastness, it has been unwavering. We now have three generations of working royals, four altogether, and having that movement through the generations allows for the monarchy to stay relevant and keep up with modern times. You are only as good as your last gig and it is really important you look forward, plan, have a vision.

AC: Do you not look at the Queen, yet another garden party, yet another investiture, yet another state visit, and think how on earth can she keep going?

PW: Yes I do.

AC: Do you, your father and the Queen ever sit down, just the three of you, and just natter?

PW: [Laughs.] What, about Lady Gaga or something? [Prince William had recently recorded a Facetime chat with Lady Gaga for the campaign.]

AC: I was thinking more about being head of state. I mean, how do you learn?

PW: You learn on the job. There is no rulebook. I sometimes wonder if there should be, but in the end I think probably not. Having that difference in how we do things makes the Royal Family more interesting and more flexible. If we all followed the same line, it would all be quite stifled. Our characters are different and the different opinions are important to have.

AC: Your grandmother has always believed in there being a bit of mystique attached to it all as well.

PW: Absolutely.

AC: Never ever given an interview.

PW: No. Never. I seem to have sold the pass on that one.