it's only human to do so

Okay but


One more thing that makes elf/human relationships extraordinary that never occurred to me before


Do you ever realise that elves have sex only when they want to have children, so like, 2 or three times at most? *cough* except Fëanor and Nerdanel *cough* apparently the most horny elves in Arda’s history *cough*


And then their sexual desire ceases, unlike human’s, so their relationship progresses basing only on their emotional bond and attachment.


Idk I just thought it was an interesting thing to point out, because I’ve never actually heard anyone bring this up before.

When the sorcerer found the dragon, it was attacking a grape.

This was only possible because the dragon was not much larger than a grape itself, but she still had to do a double take to be sure the object it was fighting with such animosity was in fact inanimate.

She crouched so that her eyes were level with the top of the table and squinted at it. The dragon sank its tiny fangs into the grape’s skin and gave a great tug, succeeding only in throwing it and the grape into a backwards tumble. The tiny green reptile rolled to a stop with its whole body wrapped around the grape and shook its head ferociously, managing to pull its teeth out but also launching the grape across the table. It gave a mighty roar of anger (about as loud as a human clearing their throat) and stalked after it, tail swishing dangerously.

“Do you need help?” she offered.

The dragon froze mid-prowl and whipped its head around to look at her, looking so offended she almost apologized for asking.

“I mean, I could peel it for you, if that’s the problem.” She wasn’t sure it was getting the message. One could never tell how much human language these little creatures picked up by hanging around the magic labs. Some understood only such essentials as “scat!” or “oh fuck, that sure did just explode”, while others could hold entire conversations — if they deigned to interact.

This one looked like it was deciding whether she was worthy. Finally, it sniffed daintily and flicked its tail, scales clacking together. “Little monster is my prey, and you can’t have it. Found it first. Will devour it!”

“Oh, sure,” she agreed. “But you know it’s a grape, right?”

This was the wrong thing to say. It glared at her and then bounded away to the other end of the table, where it slithered up to the grape and pounced on it.

Grape and dragon promptly rolled off the edge of the table.

The sorcerer quickly went around to that side, alarmed that it would be stepped on. The labs were bustling with shoppers stopping by to watch demonstrations this time of day, and a small dragon wouldn’t be easily visible on the blue and green tiled floor.

“Horrible! Dirty!” The tiny dragon was screeching at the top of its lungs, holding onto its prey for dear life. It would have been hard to hear anyway, with all the noise of the labs, but with the sorcerer’s diminished hearing it took several seconds to locate the screaming creature.

She scanned the pattern of the tiles for it and sighed. “Oh, hold on, we mopped this morning.” She cupped her hands around it and deposited it into her skirt pocket, an indignity the dragon endured only with more screaming.

“An outrage! Put me down!”

“Shh,” she advised. Lab workers were strongly discouraged from bringing creatures into the back rooms, which was where she was heading, picking her way through the crowded front lab.

“Fuck pockets!” her pocket responded.

“Oh, you can curse. Wonderful.”

The dragon seemed to take this as an actual compliment. “Am multitalented. Can also compose poetry.”

“Really? Can I hear some?”

“No. For dragon ears only.” It sounded viciously pleased to hold this over her head. The bulge in her pocket rearranged itself, and she thought it might be trying to gnaw on the grape.

She felt herself smiling even as she tried to squash her mouth into a straight line. She liked this little bad-tempered thing, even though its spiky feet were digging into her thigh.

In the much quieter kitchen of the back rooms behind the lab, she transferred the wriggling, scaly handful from her pocket to the table. The dragon hissed out a few more insults as it got up and straightened itself out, but its jaw fell open when it finally took in its surroundings. She’d set it down next to the fruit bowl.

“There you go. Food mountain.”

The dragon’s shock didn’t last long. Abandoning the grape, it scraped and scrabbled its way up the side of the bowl and from there onto an apple, its claws leaving tiny puncture marks as it hiked to the top of the arrangement. “Food mountain!” It repeated, its gleeful crowing much clearer and almost sing-song without having to compete with the noise of the crowd.

She watched it turn in a circle, surveying the feast. “But… cannot eat it all,” it observed after a while, crestfallen. “Human-sized. Big shame.”

“Don’t you have nest-mates who can help you with it?” she asked. She had assumed not, from the way it had apparently been foraging for food on its own, but she needed to be sure she’d found a loner.

“No nest. No mates. No nest-mates. You’re rude.” It flopped down ungracefully, wings spread out flat on the apple like it was trying to hug the entire much-larger fruit.

She gave it a moment to be dramatic, and then offered it the grape, minus the peel. “You seem to have a good grasp on human-speak.”

It grabbed the grape without so much as a thank you. “Yes. Have composed poetry in both Dragonese and Humanese. Not for humans to hear, though.” Bragging cheered it up a little.

“You mentioned. I can’t hear very well, anyway.” She pulled up a stool and sat down. “Actually, I’ve been looking for a helper.”

“An assistant,” it said, apparently showing off its Humanese. “An attendant. An aid.”

She watched it bury its snout in the grape, juice dribbling down onto the apple it sat on. “Yes. A hearing aid. How would you feel about having a job?”

It smiled craftily. “Would feel positively, if job comes with chocolate chips.”

“It could,” she said, grinning. She had some friends who employed bird-sized dragons as messengers, but this was the first time she’d heard of one negotiating its salary for itself. “It certainly could. What’s your name?”

“Peep,” said Peep. “It is self-explanatory.”

“Don’t worry, I got it.”

Peep expressed its doubt that humans ever got anything, but she thought the tiny, prickly creature might be warming up to her.

“Humans are weird” idea

It seems to always be the case that aliens have names that are “unpronounceable by the human tongue.”  But, y’know, humans are actually really good mimics.  We can do impressions of anything, and some of us are really good at it.  What if that was a special skill of ours that was constantly surprising the aliens?

Alien talks about human like s/he’s not there, only to be shocked when its own language comes out of that strange little mouth.

Alien can’t figure out WHAT that noise onboard is, only to find human crewmate pranking it.  (“As soon as he leaves, I’m gonna do the sound of a failing hover engine, okay?  Just see where he looks first!”)

Alien hears a different noise and a thud, then “Sorry, I tripped.”  (”But you squeaked.”  “Yeah, didn’t mean to.  Sounded kinda dumb.”)

Alien is alarmed to hear the sound of two Dangerous Animals coming from the containment room.  Thinks the one has multiplied.  Runs in, find human yowling back at it.  (“It seemed lonely, so I was talking to it.  Reminds me of a cat I had once.”)

The away team is threatened by a Large Animal protecting its young.  Alien Captain knows what to do.  Shoves the human up front and points.  “Make the noises that the little ones are making.  This is your time to shine.”

Fun animal facts I have learned being a zoo docent

1. There are several ways to classify the large cats, one of the more useful ones is into the roaring cats (tigers, lions) and the purring cats (bobcats, lynxes). The puma (also known as the mountain lion) is the largest cat that purrs. I’ve heard it up close, it’s amazing. A cheetah’s purr sounds like an idling motorcycle engine.

2. Kangaroos cannot move their legs independently of each other, they have to move them in sync - when they’re on land. When they’re swimming, they can move them separately. Hopping is their most efficient way to move - a walking kangaroo is awkward as hell. They swing both legs forward using their tail as a third leg to prop up while their legs swing.

3. People often think that flamingoes’ knees bend the wrong way. They don’t - the joint you’re seeing in the middle of their leg isn’t their knee, it’s their ankle. Their knee is up by their body, and it bends the same way ours does.

4. Giraffes only sleep 1-2 hours a day.

5. Bald eagles’ vocalizations are not what you expect. When you see a flying bald eagle in the movies and hear that majestic caw sound? That isn’t an eagle, it’s been dubbed over with another bird, usually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles actually sound…not majestic. Kind of like if a kitten could be a bird.

6. Elephants are one of only a handful of animals that can pass the mirror test - in other words, they can recognize their own reflection (and not think it’s another animal, as dogs and cats usually do). They tested this by placing a chalk mark on an elephant’s forehead and then showing it a mirror. The elephant investigated the mark on its own forehead, indicating it knew that it was looking at itself.  The only animals that pass this test are the higher primates, the higher cetaceans (orcas, dolphines), elephants, and weirdly, magpies.

7. One-fifth of all the known mammal species are bats.

8. A kangaroo mother can have three joeys simultaneously at different stages of development: an embryo in her womb (kangaroos can do what’s called embryonic diapause which means sort of putting the development on pause until she’s ready for it to develop further), a joey in her pouch attached to one nipple, and a joey out of the pouch on the ground who nurses from the other one. The amazing thing? Each of her nipples make different formulations of milk for each joey’s different nutritional needs.

9. Bonobos, our closest genetic relative (they are more closely related to us than they are to either chimps or gorillas) are almost entirely non-aggressive, matriarchal, and use sex to solve all their problems. They engage in both same and opposite sex interactions, non-penetrative sex (oral, rubbing, manual) and with any age. That’s an interesting area to work in, lemme tell you.

10. Tortoises have super loud sex. Like, really loud.

11. All grizzlies are brown bears, but not all brown bears are grizzlies (grizzlies are a sub-categorization of the brown bear).

12. Reindeer are the only deer species where both males and females grow antlers. The males shed theirs the beginning of December, the females shed theirs in the spring. So all of Santa’s reindeer are girls, heh. I love telling little kids that.

13. If a rhinoceros knocks off its horn, it grows back faster than you’d expect. One of ours, Rosie, has knocked hers off twice.

14. Gorillas get crushes on each other. And on the humans that take care of them. Male gorillas also masturbate. I don’t know if the females do, I’ve never seen it. Sometimes it’s like a soap opera up in there.

15. Langur monkeys are silvery-gray in color - their babies are bright orange. Like Cheeto orange, I do not exaggerate.

16. Polar bear fur is not white, it’s transparent, like fiber optics. Also, their skin is black.

10

Don’t forget Gorillaz fans, Jamie Hewlett exist! He made all you’re favorite band members come to life in the music videos, shorts, ect! He continues drawing them countless times and works day and night to give you new content with the band members! So please appreciate him!!! ❤❤❤

More fuel for the ‘humans are the weird ones’ fire: We are arbitrarily frightened of creatures which can’t possibly hope to hurt us.

When a human crewmate begins howling fearfully after a routine stop on Terra, designated guards can’t get there fast enough. What sort of horrifying beast capable of frightening the all-consuming, self-poisoning, oxygen-breathing HUMAN could have possibly made it past security protocols?!

And it turns out it’s a cricket.

“Is it venomous?! Is it flesh-eating?! Does it spray some sort of biological agent that eats away at your neural pathways?!”

“No, it’s just CREEPY! It landed ON MY NECK!! Someone get rid of it!!”

Once the aliens understand the phenomenon of 'creepy’, they’re even more confused. What makes it creepy? Why, in its innocence of living, does the lowly cricket inspire fear? It’s so underdeveloped by Terran standards; it doesn’t even have the mental complexity needed to experience pain!

And let’s not forget that these fears aren’t universal. Some of us are not only indifferent to the presence of 'creepy’ animals, we actively seek to surround ourselves with them.

“Human-Jacob, why do you seek the assistance of Human-Vanessa when you find a Terran snake? Can you not hunt it yourself?”

“Oh, hell no. I’m not touching those things.”

“Is Human-Vanessa a predatory subspecies? Is that what enables her to capture them more efficiently?”

“What? No. She just thinks they’re cute.”

when i go to college i hope i get a werewolf boyfriend who works at a moving company and we have 2 kids before he dies and i have to learn how to raise 2 wolf human hybrids which is hard to do in the crowded city with very little money so we move out to the country and live happily in seclusion with the few residents there until my son decides to be a piece of shit and leave to go live in the woods like hes some kind of transcendalist, and the only way i know hes alive is bc he likes to howl at 3 in the morning but w/e its his life


So a few weeks ago I got interested what made us human apex predators(cuz lets face it we don’t look intimidating). One of the obvious is superior intelligence but that can’t be all. I figured I put a list together for any writer that want to use this information. (these are all google facts so feel free to do your own research or correct me)

Also disclaimer: This post excludes anything that has to do with our above intelligence(like use of weapons) and dexterity thumps, because those are a given. I wanted to concentrate on what else helped us survive in the wild. And this post does not say that the modern human is like this, its about people that still live out in the wilderness or 10 000 years ago.

  • Unique Hunting
    • We humans are persistent hunters, so instead of the typical predator approach by stalking our prey and kill it fast, we let our prey know we are here. We tried to hit it with rocks or spears, if the first strike didn’t kill it, we would just calmly walk after it and try again. This goes on over hours, usually during the hottest time of the day, not giving the poor thing a chance to rest until it’s finally to exhausted to run away. We would literally walk our pray to death. There are other animals that hunt like this(wolves) but we humans are the best at it.
  • Insanely Good Trackers
    • This is tied in with our intelligence but I wanted to give it an extra point. Most animals track by smell, which we don’t. We track foot print and things like fur on branches or broken twigs. Water or rain will wash away a scent but following broken twigs is a bit easier in the rain.
  • Amazing Cardio
    • We can’t out sprint any animal but we can outrun them. Humans are within the top 5 animals that are able to walk/jog/run long distances without needing a break. And we are the only predator in that  list.
  • Incredible Aim (hand eye coordination)
    • Out of all the animals we have by far the best aim. Other species with similar abilities just don’t have the same success rate.
  • Best climbers
    • We are one of the best climbers there are and if you don’t believe me watch a parkour video.
  • We eat everything (and i mean everything)
    • We eat many things that are either unenjoyable for animals or poisonous. Our digestive system is unique and allows us to digest these poisons without a problem. While some of these poisons would be dangerous enough in large doses, it is literally impossible for us to OD on them if we eat them as food. Here’s a list:
      • Chocolate
      • Spicy food (is not deadly just unenjoyable)
      • Milk (Humans are the only animals on earth that are lactose tolerant when we grow into adulthood)
      • Avocado
      • Garlic 
      • Coconut
      • Yeast bread
      • Eggs
      • Grapes/Raisins
      • Onions
  • Super Healing
    • Our flesh wounds stop bleeding relatively fast and heal fast too.We heal so well that a broken bone is considered a relative minor medical issue. A broken bone is a death sentence in the animal kingdom and even for modern days vets its impossible sometime to heal an animal’s broken bone. Not only do our bones heal fast but it grows stronger afterward.
  • Lack of Fur
    • Animals that don’t sweat need to regulate their heat by panting. Humans have much better way at regulating heat: we sweat. Sweating happens parallel to whatever activity we do and allows us to perform these task without needing a break. If you made a dog do sports like a human it would have a heatstroke.

All in all we are a species that can adapt to any sort of environment thanks to these traits. 

5

something vaguely moboween

dunno if this is gonna grow into something else but pls just have this for now

drawn4life  asked:

How do you figure out lighting? I can never figure out shadows on a human face. It's way different than a ball or block. Any tips?

EXCELLENT QUESTION one that fucks me up too even tho i’ve been drawing for a million years. I don’t think i’ve mastered lighting on the face yet, so i don’t really have a lot of tips to offer but here’s what i got: 

I guess first and foremost you have to familiarize yourself with the planes that make up the face. I only laid out the main ones here. Once you figure out where the hard edges of the face occur, it’s quite easy to lay out the most basic shadows. 

Sometimes i don’t constrain to realistic planes (like around the nose and lips) but that’s mostly because it’s just my style. 

Because the cheek is flat (in relation to the front of the face) it catches a lot of light even in the most dramatic lighting. It’s one of my favorite places to light up HEH (even if it’s extremely subtle) 

I also have a few lovely guides to share ! Most of these are tutorials on how these artists accomplish their lighting techniques, but i thought they were extremely helpful. 

Simple Face lighting tutorial 

Constraints of facial features 

Color + lighting 

Dramatic/expressive lighting 

Also this Virtual Lighting Studio is extremely useful if you want to simulate a specific lighting on the face! (it lags a lot but honestly this is probably the best thing you can get)

a not-entirely-earthling stinky boy

"Humans are Weird" idea???

What if the aliens believe that they are all related to each other, since they are of the same species? Perhaps they think this is true of every species, for example: birds; fish; insects; and so on - under the assumption that ‘They are all of the same genus (or whichever taxonomic rank it is), therefore they must share a common ancestor.’ So, when some of the humans claim that they aren’t related, they get really confused.

- Just imagine two humans meeting back up after a day spent doing their things at opposite ends of the alien ship. They’re hugging, laughing and telling each other about how their day was and what happened that was worth retelling.

- An alien crew member cautiously walks up to them, and they try to hold back their laughter as they listen to them.

- “Are you two siblings?” they ask nervously. The two humans look at each other and chuckle quietly, evidently trying to hold back hysterical laughter but not wanting to seem rude.

- “No, we aren’t,” one eventually manages to say.

- “Oh - cousins, then? Perhaps a few times removed?” the alien tries again, confused.

- “Oh, no, no!” the other human chuckles, slightly flapping their hand as though trying to shoo away the notion. “We aren’t even related!”

- The alien just stands there in shock, mouth slightly agape. Eventually, they swallow dryly and manage to choke out “W-What?! How c-can you not be related?”

- The humans look at each other again and this time they burst into full-on, guffawing laughter. They’re laughing so hard that tears form at the corners of their eyes and they are doubled over, clutching their stomachs.

- “Related? My, if we were all related, we would be very ashamed of family ties to certain people!” one manages between laughs.

- The other wipes their face and exhales deeply to stop making a fool of themselves. “No, most humans aren’t related. The only relations are extended families, and some of those have never interacted with each other at all!”

- “B-But…you’re all of the same species! Don’t you share a common ancestor?” the alien asks, absolutely bewildered at these strange creatures.

- “Eh, who knows? All we know is we evolved from monkey kinda things, or something of the sort.” The human shrugs; the other scratches their head thoughtfully. They chuckle once more, thank the alien for saying hi and walk off to their rooms, leaving the poor thing really questioning its life decisions.

Normal Horoscope:

Aries: Untwist your mind and something is bound to flow freely. Do not be afraid. It is okay to be afraid.

Taurus: Suspicion is an ugly thing but it keeps your head on straight.

Gemini: Nature is important. All she wants is your company.

Cancer: A big change is just around the corner! You can survive in sulfur based environments right?

Leo: The fabric of the world is fine and soft. Rest your head. Admire the work nobody has done.

Virgo: Nothing left to lose means nothing holding you back. Take revenge! Or a nap! The choice is yours!

Libra: Watch the fire dance between your fingers. You only have so long.

Scorpio: Intended use is just a legal term. Humans are clever fuckers and you wont stop us.

Ophiuchus: Your desire to help is well placed. Keep ample supplies up.

Sagittarius: You are resistant to the arcane. Its effects are blunted on you. This is neither a blessing nor a curse.

Capricorn: You’re missing out on all the fun! We are all missing out on the fun! Fun is a shapeless ineffable thing that physically cannot be described or located.

Aquarius: Sometimes the world makes you do shit but eventually everything will be grass so who cares.

Pisces: Anything is a legal chess move if you have a gun.

humans are mammals, so we have a sucking reflex at birth (infants suck on whatever touches the roof of the mouth), to help with breastfeeding. obviously, we lose the reflex past infancy, but we still have the ability. we can drink things through straws.

and non-mammalian aliens have no such capability. 

“I can’t believe you’ve never had bubble tea before,”

“Human-style drinks are rare on my planet, Evelyn,”

“Fair enough. Well, go on, take a sip…what are you doing?”

“Opening the cup?”

“Thats not how you drink it, don’t peel the plastic, here, poke a straw through it,”

“Like this?”

“Yeah, but careful, or you’ll spill it. Uhh, nope, you’re good,”

“What now?”

“You drink it?”

“How? The plastic’s still in the way?”

“Do you not have straws on Dagbusvar? Huh, weird. You just kinda..

“So the liquid just goes up the straw? Like, capillary action?”

“No, its uhh, I only learned this in English, wait a bit….You create a partial vacuum in your mouth, drawing liquid in, and then you swallow it normally,”

“Like the air pressure cleaner we have on base,”

“Yeah! But on a smaller scale,”

“Thats weird. Is it common on your planet?”

“I don’t know? Well, I know mammals can do it, and some insects can, but like, their mouthparts are like straws already, and maybe some fish can?”

“…”

“I wonder if they have spoons; I want you to try the tapioca. They’re kinda like the the Afakiv eggs you like so much, but like, sweeter.”

Humans are weird

I really love this whole humans are like the biggest oddity for aliens idea.
And I had this idea that’s swimming in my head for a while now.
If the aliens already think it’s a wonder we survive the conditions of our planet,
how must they think about our way of reproduction.
I mean the whole mammal-thing developed
practically only cause a little creature once thought:
“Eggs!?When they’re dinosaurs everywhere??I have a better idea!”

So what if aliens never needed to make this step?
When their reproductions are mostly through eggs,
sometimes other things and never like our system?

I mean just imagine:
You are one of the first humans to become a crewmate of a alien crew.
It was your dream since the first contact was made.
You were prepared for almost everything.
Just not for giving every damn alien you meet “the bloody talk“!

Somewhere in a bar on Planet Ur’tlz:

Alien A: “Whoa, this humans are really useful and stronger than they look!
You would never believe what the human of my ship did!”

Alien B: “Please tell me they didn’t gave you ‘the talk’….I’m still traumatized…”

A: “….what are you talking of?”

B: “I made the error to ask how they get their eggs to be safe
despite the dangerous planet they live on….they don’t lay eggs!”

A: “What?!

B: “They carry their brood like….
like parasites *shudder* in their body for almost a Quertemz!
Then they squeeze them through tiny body openings!
Sometimes for days!DAYS!

A: “Uh….”

B: “And it’s common to only get one offspring per reproduction!One!
They can die in the process, for Iz’klls sake!”

A: “I think my digestive system is rebelling…”

B: “So I decided to oversee the contact my human makes with other humans.
Because of some reason they only reproduce with humans of other gender,
so its not that hard….

A: “A bit….drastic, don’t you think?

B: “I like my human crew mate!
I don’t want them to die just cause the other humans
can’t let their weird little limbs of them!”

A: “Sounds like they imprinted on you.”

B: “Maybe…sounds like something crewmate George would do…”

Questions for the signs

Aries: how have you been doing? has the past finally caught up with you? have your mistakes sunk in? that’s okay. now let them go. they do not define who you are anymore. you have the power to move on from who you used to be. within you lies the power to grow. utilize it. your gift is special, a priviledge granted to few.

Taurus: are you really happy?is this the life you enjoy, or the one they want you to live?start making choices for yourself. live is too short not to enjoy every moment.

Gemini: who are you trying to fool? pretending to be someone you aren’t will only cause you to completely lose yourself. open your eyes, and do things for yourself. not for them, but for you. then, you will discover how happy you truly are capable of becoming.

Cancer: how come you always put others before yourself? your own well being is just as important as the needs of those you love. take care of yourself, so you can better take care of others’.

Leo: why push away the love they offer you? why not embrace it? emotions are okay. no matter what you tell yourself, you are human. its okay to be vulnerable sometimes.

Virgo: when are you going to let yourself breathe? are you going to stop constantly critisizing yourself? you don’t have to be your own worst enemy. once you become your best friend, you will know peace.

Libra: are you still questioning yourself? why not just go with your instincts? mistakes are okay. you will never see what life has to offer if you keep holding yourself back.

Scorpio: why are you letting yourself settle for less? why aren’t you seeing that you deserve better? i see that you fall back into routines, and you hope it will be different; better, but it never changes. you are an incredibly radiant soul who should only accept the treatment that they deserve. you should be surrounded by positivity and happiness for miles and miles. why don’t you let yourself? 

Sagittarius: who are you so afraid of? why are you letting them control you? let go of the past, they do not define who you are. focus on yourself. i know you have an amazing soul.

Capricorn: do you see the world differently now? ever since it happened, have you taken a closer look at the society you were born into? maybe colors seem a little more dull now. maybe the lines are becoming abstract and you cant tell whats real, and what you have imagined. is there still even a difference? you don’t know. but you keep on living because you know the future is brighter than this colorless gray palette. keep going forward. 

Aquarius: tell me why you’ve done it all, but never really lived it? you’ve had so many experiences, but did you ever stop in the moment to actually live it? you’re always thinking about the past. if you don’t stop to actually live life, it’ll be over before you know it. be present.

Pisces: why are you still blaming the world for your actions? can’t you accept responsibility? sometimes, karma has nothing to do with your choices. your words have a lot more power than you think they do. take a look around, pisces. this is your world. make decisions you are proud of, and understand that not everything unfortunate happens because of bad luck. you may be the root of your own problems.

BTS as things my friends have said in History class...
  • Seokjin: Why is no one in this textbook good-looking?
  • Yoongi: It was 1932... No, 1935. Wait! 1939! That's right - I know my dates.
  • Hoseok: Okay but imagine how fabulous I would have been in that century!
  • Namjoon: *asks for another two pieces of paper* How have you guys only used one side of A4?
  • Taehyung: *deep in thought* I need to think of something epic I can do so that they put me in one of these textbooks
  • Jimin: ... It's times like this when I lose faith in humanity
  • Jungkook: *points at a picture of a random guy in the book* That's you! *starts laughing his head off*
Humans are space orcs: adopting a human

Ok ok ok, last humans are the weird ones, I promise! (I am also a god damn liar.)

So this ailien crew is finally retiring their beloved human/orc friend who has thrown them through the ringer so many times they’ve learned all the weirdness that comes compacted in that apex predator from earth.

It’s really sad when they have to let their human go because ofcourse besides being a space-orc their human was also space-glue and made them all love it and want to be friends forever. But their human has a family it wants to get back to and tell all these wonderful adventures they all had together. So its good bye.

But soon after the human leaves the ship and goes to their family on this fringe-y colony planet that all the races in the galaxy agree can’t be settled but humans are sending their fifth colonizing attempt anyways because fuck it, it’s what we do, the colony succumbs to a terrible natural disaster.
The ailien crew rushes ba ck to save their friend (and reallynanybody) but alas, all they find is their former crew mates body clutching a small screaming bundle.

A human baby.

Well its only right to take it with them right?
Yeah!
To honor their friend!
To have a new friend!
Besides they are EXPERTS in dealing with a full grown human.
A baby human has to be a breeze in comparison right?
Right!

So they adopt it.

First they name it Clamchowder in honor of the human tradition of naming children in hopes of they having qualities linked to the name.
It was very, very carefully selected name.

Then they discover in very rapid and horrible sucsession:
Human babies don’t speak
Human babies don’t walk or move much on their own
Human babies do not regulate their excrement at apropriate intervals
Human babies need to be interacted with and physically touched or they waste away (that was a close call untill Clamchowder latched onto Moongah the extremely fuzzy first mate)
Human babies need special diet, which does not include bottles filled with engine grease. Another close call.
Human babies will put EVERYTHING IN YHER MOUTH OH NO SPIT OUT THE CONTROL BUTTON PLEASE!!!
And it never ever ever stops screaming, ever!

Ultimately the crew decides that this is a whole new set of problems, and even gthougb they really wanted Clamchowder to be like their dead parent they eventually realize that this is a complete different adventure.

So they become baby experts too.

oathgrowth  asked:

Hey, you're the only animal-knowledgable person on Tumblr who I could think of to ask this. Recently, there's been this meme on Tumblr that is basically the concept of "clowns as a species seperate from humans who we keep as pets" that includes long, silly, Petblr-style PSAs about how to "care for your clown". The purpose of this meme is primarily creativity and silliness, however some people see it as a personal insult against informative "Petblr" blogs. Do you?

Mate, I am not what you would call a ‘cool kid’ and so I completely missed this meme and all its goings on until recently when I received a clown related ask, so I don’t know what’s been going on out there.

I suppose imitating petblr but talking about clowns could be done in an insulting or offensive way, particularly if you’re dehumanizing a group of people, but I don’t think the concept itself is insulting, and could be done well.

There was a reasonably popular post a little while ago about the ‘care and feeding of veterinarians for new owners’. It was funny, and pretty accurate.

Tumblr has this predisposition towards outrage culture. Content which generates rage or indignation is more popular, because people are more likely to reblog or comment on it. Getting outraged about things is addictive because it makes you feel like a hero, and it defines the other side as a villain.

And sometimes it’s good. It’s useful. But over clowns? Maybe we shouldn’t be taking ourselves so seriously.

the saddest part of all these bill ships tho??

bill is such an amazing character, i love him to BITS oh god the gf crew really made him such a wonderful character and villain. i love hating him, its so good. i love that he doesn’t have some sad tragic backstory to justify his means, that he’s just wanted nothing but power and chaos, i love that hes such a skilled manipulator and con artist, i love that his first instinct was to throw a fucking party, i love that bill has only ever been bill, and that being bill and never changing and expecting the same in others was his downfall.

but what does most of the fandom do with him?? ship him. make him human so that they can ship him (and/or just make him eye candy). change his personality so that they can ship him. its sad to see his character be devalued so much within a fandom that claims to love him so dearly