it's okay to be in love with an extra right

Consider… for just a moment… chubby Katelyn…. Like her vixen outfit is a little tight and no thigh gap,, soft tummy,, soft girl,, listen:

- her fingers aren’t long and slim and she bites her nails until they bleed, but her hands are?? Adorable?? something about them that Aaron just loves,, what great place for a diamond ring, hmmm??,, ,
- she has the cutest dimples when she smiles tbh
- and right after a game,, when shes a little more out of breath than the other girls, and her cheeks are red, and her hair is falling out of her ponytail and sticking to her forehead,,
- wow im weak, what a beautiful and talented girl, I’m in love
- Aaron works out extra hard so that he can be Strong and carry her all day and give her piggyback rides because she deserves it
- once everything settles in the minyard vs minyard situation and its okay for her to hang out with the foxes more, she becomes the new designated innocent child that everyone dotes on
- The girls will take her clothes shopping and sometimes things don’t fit right and she gets sad and a little embarrassed because allison is in the dressing room with her trying to get the dress to zip up in the back but it’s just not happening
     - allison pops her head out the door and says something to Dan and then looks back and goes “this is absolutely fucking ridiculous, this dress is so cheaply put together, it’s not made to fit anyone, I bet even I couldn’t pull it off,”
     - Dan knocks and allison opens the door to take a new dress from her (it’s a little bigger) and she gives it to Katelyn while still ranting
     - “you know you almost have to go a couple sizes up just to account for the poor craftsmanship!!”
     - Katelyn knows that allison is being overdramatic to spare her feelings but she’s highkey grateful for it and this new dress?? Fits great??? And it looks hella cute on her?? So it’s a win/win
- hear me out,, I’ve learned some tricks for feeling good about yourself when you’re a little bigger and I’m here to tell you that Katelyn’s hair is long. like it frames her face perfectly and ends somewhere below her boobs, and its just kind of all over the place and in the way all the time but she doesn’t have the heart to cut it anymore
- she goes walking with Neil some mornings, and one time they walked passed this guy who started harassing her about her weight and she tried to just ignore him but Neil was NOT HAVING IT, he had to explain his bruised knuckles to Andrew later
     - Aaron overheard what happened and now he doesn’t hate Neil quite as much

- anyway yeah just,,,, consider chubby Katelyn,, please,

anonymous asked:

5. “I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

5. “I’m going to take care of you, okay?”

In which Harry is beyond patient with your drunken antics.


Harry holds you close to him, rubbing his hand up and down your arm. You’re riding back home from the pub, where you had a few drinks too many. The room started to spin around you and your friends’ names evaded your memory, and Harry knew that was the end of the night.

“Yeh all righ’, love? Don’ fall asleep jus’ yet.”

“I feel awful,” you tell him, burying your face in his shirt to inhale the comforting scent of him.

“Told yeh t’ stop three drinks ago,” he reminds you, chuckling into your hair.

“Shut up,” you mumble.

The car stops at your shared place and Harry pulls you away from him so he can get out, helping you after him. He thanks the driver and wraps an arm tightly around your waist, holding you to his side while he unlocks the door. You’ve barely made it inside when you feel your stomach churning. You push away from Harry and your feet carry you to the bathroom, where you drop to your knees and lift the toilet seat. You don’t throw up immediately, but the discomfort in your stomach only gets worse.

“Y/N?” Harry appears in the doorway with a crease between his eyebrows. “Did yeh get sick, baby?”

“No, but I’m gonna.” You clutch the rim of the toilet and squeeze your eyes closed while a wave of nausea passes through your body. Harry pulls a hair tie from his wrist—a habit he still hasn’t broken since he cut his hair—and kneels down beside you, gathering up your locks and tying them back. Then his hands brush down your neck and rub gently over your back.

There’s a silent minute before you actually start to throw up. Harry keeps rubbing your back, whispering how you’re okay, everything’s okay.

“No, it’s not,” you say when you can catch a breath. Your throat burns, your mouth tastes terrible, and your stomach is churning. “I’m gonna die. I’m dying.”

“You’re not dying,” he informs you with a soft laugh. “You’re fine, baby. You’ll feel better in a li'l bit.”

You groan in response before leaning back over the toilet to empty your stomach. And he’s right, you do feel better after a few minutes when your body’s rejected the extra alcohol.

“Yeh done, love?”

“I think so.” Your voice is raw, and you can still feel alcohol pumping its way through your veins.

“’M gonna go change. Can yeh handle brushing your teeth? Please, don’ make me brush your teeth fo’ yeh.”

“I can do it,” you state confidently. Harry smiles as he rises to his feet. He holds his hands out and helps you up, flushing away your mess. Your toothbrush is ready and in your hand before he leaves the room. When you look in the mirror, you find a mess of a person. Tears have streaked makeup down your cheeks and your clothes are in disarray. Your vision is slightly blurry as you begin to clean your teeth.

“Is tha’ better?” Harry asks as he reappears in a pair of comfy sweats.

“My throat still hurts,” you tell him, rinsing out your mouth.

“I’ll get yeh some water,” he says, backing out of the room. “Wait in the bedroom fo’ me, love.”

You do as your told, making your way into the other room to plop yourself down on the bed. You feel a bit loopy, and your limbs feel heavy. You’re just staring at a wall that seems to dip and swim in front of you when Harry walks in with a big glass of water.

“Drink some o’ this,” he orders gently as he hands it to you. You sip at the cold liquid and it soothes your burning throat. “Let’s get yeh ready fo’ bed. I’m gonna take care o’ yeh, okay?”

You nod in response and Harry drops to his knees, undoing your heeled boots and pulling them from your aching feet. His fingers reach for the button of your jeans and you shift away from his touch as he skims your belly.

“Don’t tickle me!”

“’M not tryin’ t’ tickle yeh!” he exclaims with a laugh. “’M tryin’ t’ get your pants off. Don’ spill your drink, yeah?”

“It’s not very gentlemanly to take off my pants when I’m this drunk,” you inform him, taking another gulp of water.

“I’ll keep tha’ in mind,” he says with a playful roll of his eyes. He reaches forward again to unbutton your pants and a slosh of water spills down your front as you giggle. “Oi! Be careful.” He takes the glass from you to set down on the bedside table and wipes his now-wet hands on his sweatpants.

“Sorry,” you mumble, flopping back on the mattress. Harry chuckles and is finally able to undo your jeans, tugging the denim down your legs. His ringed fingers pat your hands.

“Gotta sit up fo’ me, love.” He pulls you back into a sitting position and lifts your shirt from your body, then unclasps your bra and tosses all of your clothes into the dirty laundry. He opens the dresser and digs around for one of his t-shirts, finding one that he hasn’t worn in years.

“Arms up,” he urges when he comes back, helping you into the shirt one limb at a time. He presses a gently kiss to your forehead when your face pops out again and smiles. “Wanna get your makeup off?”

“Yes,” you agree, nodding quickly. “I look like a clown.”

“Yeh do not.” He chuckles and finds one of your makeup wipes, coming back to squat in front of you. “Look pretty still. Yeh always do.”

“You’re lying,” you accuse with a big grin.

“Am not,” he retorts, grinning back and resting a hand on your cheek to hold your head still as he gently wipes stray mascara from your face. “Prettiest girl ’ve ever seen.”

“Shut up,” you hush with a giggle.

Harry laughs at you again as he finishes cleaning up your face.

“Tha’s better,” he commends, standing back up and pressing his lips to the top of your head. “Don’ look like yeh been cryin’ anymore. How ‘bout yeh finish your water b'fore we go to bed?”

You nod and pick up the glass again, sipping slowly. Harry leaves to brush his teeth. When he comes back, he takes the empty glass from you and sets it down again. He lifts the covers to get you into bed and then climbs in beside you, wrapping his arms around your torso to hold you against him.

“Better not be cranky a’ me t'morrow,” he whispers, kissing your cheek gently.

“Couldn’t if I wanted to,” you whisper back, snuggling into him.

anonymous asked:

I love Jensen's jawline cos somedays it's sharp af and then others he has the cutest double chin???

oh my god, I am sOoOoOO GLAD YOU BROUGHT THIS UP

[x] okay I just want to point out the sheer difference between these two photos right here. Exhibit A: smiley and full of sunshine, jawline so sharp could probs kill a man, lookin’ flawless as per usual

[x] Exhibit B: a Classic Derp™ face. extra chins coming out of nowhere, they’re multiplying by the second. where he keepin’ them hidden, his damn pocket?? it’s like one of those posts girls make to show how makeup and a good camera angle can drastically change everything

[x] the lil chin rolls are my fave tho!!!!!

[x] sleepy!dean with those chIN ROLLS!!!!!!!! hHhHH!!!!

[x] speaking of sleepy!dean, look how s o f t omg *gentle gasp*

[x] I love his lil chin chub so mUCh?!?? it’s kinda ridiculous

[x] it just makes him look so extra Soft, u know? sO SOFT WITH HE LIL CHIN CHUB

[x] like a killer pillsbury doughboy :’))

[x] his soft double chin is so mcfucken cute, I wish my chin fat were cute wtf the fu k life is unfair

[x] it’s kinda most noticeable when he turns his head to the side, right?

[x] “psYCH NOT ALWAYS, BITCH. CATCH ME LOOKIN LIKE A GQ MODEL WHENEVER THE FUK I WANT.”

[x] sharp af features, noice Jaw Clench™, lookin’ fine as heyll, basically carved outta marble.

[x] bAM BITCH! GONNA GET URSELF SOME WHIPLASH WITH THIS WILD CHIN CHUB APPEARING WITHIN THE SAME GOTDAMN SCENE

[x] sh aRP shARrp sHArP Sh a Rp s H AR p s HA RP SHAR P SHARP!! ! ! !! ! !!!

[x] Sof t soFt soF T SOfT sof T sOF t So f t sO ft SsoF T Sof . Ft sof T!! ! ! ! !!! !

[x] just exactly how does he manage to go from THIS!!!!!!!!  like hoLy s HI t breh, slit my throat with that jawline of urs, thnx

[x] to THIS!!!!! must protec my soft boi ;~;

anonymous asked:

Miranda, my angel, it's that time again: i need a new phone background and only Michael will do. SHARE DAT GOOD SHIT. i know your Michaelpics folder has to be ridic by now 😏

you didn’t specify how many… so… here’s my top three and some extras are under the cut!!!

Keep reading

It’s so upsetting that barely two days into the new year there are some antis out there bashing idols for something like this. I’m literally so, so upset. Baekhyun doesn’t deserve this at all. I’m this close to crying right now tbh, not because I’m personally offended or anything but because I thought that we’re past the point where idols are being hated on for things they shouldn’t blame themselves for. Especially after what happened recently. It’s because of things like this that idols feel the unnecessary need to be perfect all the time, and because of which they’re more likely to go into depression themselves. And it’s not right that Jong*yun is being dragged into this, because honestly how low can you get? Does anyone think it’s actually alright to use him to take a jab at baek? It’s sick and disgusting and anyone who’s hating on Baekhyun by using J*ong to make him feel worse can go choke.

Baekhyun is a good person with a kind heart and if OP herself is defending him then what say does anyone else have in this? He did nothing wrong. He is a beautiful human being and deserves nothing but love and support.

satire-please  asked:

I just want you to know I completely adore your Noah and Robin. I'm so happy whenever you share more about them. I know your comic is an incredibly difficult work, but I have fallen madly in love with the art, story and characters. It's really fun for you give little tibits about them like who's a morning person and such. :D

aaaaaa thank you 💜 do you know that people asking me about them is just? like, so good. it feels really good. you all give me the opportunity to share little things of them with you and i’m so thankful about that!! i spent so much time working on them and i know it sounds cheesy but really… how awesome is it that you guys ask about them and want to know more about them? of course i do this story for myself, too, but now i can share them with you and it makes them so real somehow

i’m emotional right now okay, here is a small random wip instead

oh yes and please look at this UPDATE INFO i posted (together with another wip). i’ll do a small extra called “bed sharing adventures” (?) soon~

Merry Cribmas peeps. It’s Cribmas Eve for me right now, gonna be Cribmas in about 6 hrs.

I just love saying Cribamas.

Also and extra Craig just for Crib- yah okay no more just take this Craig.

Again with the inconsistent style. What am I even doing anymore?

Zippers 101

Okay, here’s the deal. I found this tutorial going around the other day on sewing zippers. And yeah, it’s good, but a lot of what it’s telling to you to do is unnecessary and, imo, more work than you need. (ntm it completely defeats the purpose of the specific type of zipper they’re using but that’s besides the point.) 

So! I’ve decided to make my own tutorial on how to sew an invisible zipper. 

Now, real quick, you’ll notice I just said “invisible” zipper. That’s because with sewing, you usually have one of two choices when it comes to zippers:

The Original

and

The Invisible

See why they call it invisible?

Now, usually sewing patterns will call for you to use an invisible zipper. This is great because one, it looks better, and two, it’s a lot easier to sew than a regular zipper. Which means the tutorial you’re about to see is going to be showing you how to sew an invisible zipper, since you’re more likely to use that rather than any other zipper anyways. If, however, you’d like to learn how to sew a regular zipper, just let me know and I can make a separate tutorial for that.

Keep reading

The Amazing Spider-Man 2 : Sentence Starters
  • "What happened to your face?"
  • "It's filthy."
  • "I was cleaning the chimney."
  • "I'm coming with you."
  • "We have no chimney."
  • "I've seen the grid specs and I know how to reset the entire system."
  • "_______, you're not coming with me."
  • "Sorry. I love you. Don't hate me."
  • "You need me!"
  • "I do some web designs."
  • "It's been 10 years."
  • "Everyday I wake up knowing that no matter how many lives I protect, no matter how many people call me a hero, someone even more powerful could change everything."
  • "No, I do the laundry."
  • "I think it's time I took care of my own dirty underwear."
  • "No one washes a flag."
  • "Last time you did it, you turned everything blue and red, so no."
  • "All right, laundry sheriff."
  • "Now I'm gonna take back what is rightfully mine."
  • "I will be like a god to them."
  • "A god named Sparkles?"
  • "Did your "traffic jam" have anything to do with, I don't know, being shot at by machine guns?"
  • "You want me to come down there so you can kill me?"
  • "On behalf of the fine people of New York and real rhinos everywhere, I ask you to put your mechanized paws in the air!"
  • "No, (s)he's doing... whatever it is (s)he does."
  • "You wanted to be the hero."
  • "And now you gotta pay the price!"
  • "You wanna know how powerful I am?"
  • "I'm gonna kill the light."
  • "Everyone has a part of themselves they hide. Even from the people they love most."
  • "I like to think _______ gives people hope."
  • "But I love _______ more."
  • "I thought we were already friends."
  • "Then let's go catch a spider."
  • "You're gonna wanna see this."
  • "I had a friend once. It didn't work out."
  • "_______ had you under surveillance."
  • "Isn't that the question of the day?"
  • "There really is no place like home."
  • "Not everyone has a happy ending."
  • "YOU LIED TO ME!"
  • "I'm trying to help you!"
  • "Let ME help you!"
  • "That must be a good feeling."
  • "These look pretty important, _______."
  • "Hey, you're not a nobody."
  • "We have plans for you, _______."
  • "I made a choice; this is my path."
  • "We LITERALLY can change the world!"
  • "Nothing is what I thought it was."
  • "I just wanted everybody to see me."
  • "I should kill you."
  • "I'm gonna get you out of here, alright."
  • "I'm not the one you want."
  • "I want to make you a deal."
  • "You want _______ and I can give him/her to you."
  • "You were my friend and you BETRAYED ME!"
  • "You don't give people hope."
  • "I'm gonna take away yours."
  • "_______ what did you do?"
  • "What you made me do."
  • "Did you get my message?"
  • "I'll tell you what it says. Says, "I love you." Because I love you."
  • "They got, uh, Jack the Ripper."
  • "What? They haven't caught Jack the Ripper yet. You didn't know that?"
  • "This is most cliched hiding place you could've chosen."
  • "I'm sorry, I didn't take us to the Bahamas of hiding places."
  • "You're wrong about us being on different paths."
  • "It's like seeing a ghost."
  • "Now there's nothing to distract from your unibrow."
  • "You still blow-dry your hair every morning?"
  • "I didn't get love vibes."
  • "That's actually kind of what it's like to love you."
  • "How the tables have turned."
  • "How dare you come back in here?"
  • "You recalcitrant, unworthy, defective, urchin freak(s)!"
  • "Oh, God, sorry. That's just not the answer we were looking for."
  • "Right as rain."
  • "Okay, so, Fairy Godmother, it is time to grant me a wish."
  • "You're throwing his/her stuff away?"
  • "You mean people are pissed off because (s)he tried to turn everyone in New York City into giant lizards."
  • "Gives me a little extra in the cookie jar."
  • "If it was 1961, he pays me a fair wage."
  • "Yeah, I don't do complicated."
  • "Everything's always complicated with _______."
  • "I thought you two had broken up."
  • "I'm glad you're not one of those cops who rides a horse."
  • "People will say I am a monster for what I've done. And maybe they're right."
  • "You are experimenting on people in there."
  • "You are not going to bury me, too."
  • "The difference is, no one is going to miss you."
  • "Dude. Nice arm."
  • "It's just all in the wrist, buddy."
  • "Speaking of progress, you're looking better."
  • "It comes and goes."
  • "I hate this song!"
  • "You have such potential, _______."
  • "Such fierce intelligence, and you're throwing it all away."
  • "On my 16th birthday, you sent me Scotch. Or one of your assistants did."
  • "I don't expect forgiveness from you anymore."
  • "Maybe you can succeed where I failed."
  • "I never told you that it's genetic. Our disease."
  • "It's my birthday."
  • "Now it's time for me to light my candles."
  • "I'm so naked in here."
  • "It's not my fault."

bopeepsims  asked:

Hey guys, kinda dealing with some fatphobe shit right now? Boyfriend put a down payment on an engagement ring for me- We've been together for seven years and we have a beautiful gender fluid four year old.. Here's the shtick though, his mum caught wind and is trying to get me to "lose weight" so I look "beautiful." And man it is just such a downer on the whole thing? I /feel/ beautiful enough to be a bride already, I /want/ to have long purple hair and chubby arms because this is who I am, but I

a lot of anxiety about doing big event with them because of the shitstorm that was my kids baptism (lets just say a lot of tears on my part because they were in general pretty cruel towards me during the whole ordeal) and when we do get married I just /don’t/ want to feel like shit because of her shit on the day? I want to feel beautiful and loved and I know my boyfriend is an awesome person who will make me feel that but his family is very?? Center of attention folks. Everything has to be about them  sorta people. Like when I got pregnant his mother cried for days and his father tried to tell him to “come home” the next day after I gave birth because “he done his bit.” They’ve chilled out a little but just my anxiety mixed with everything is a mess right now. Looking at stuff for wedding dresses (because I want to start looking at budgeting ideas for it) is so hard when I’m hearing snide shit about my size all the dang time. I don’t know how to tell her to back the fuck off y'know?

[ old Post. Sorry! ]


“Back the Fuck Off”. 

 -nervous laugh- I’m sorry! But I have a REALLY hard time with people who don’t know how to stay in their lane. 


It’s your life. It’s your family. Its your chance to be happy… and it sounds to me like you guys are! if she and papa-in-law are the only ones who are unhappy with the whole situation then thats nothing to do with you and your family, thats their stuff. They gotta figure it out. 

Obviously you can tell them in a nicer way. But, yea… if they cant truly be happy for you [ and i mean truly! none of that fake shit for the holidays ] , then its probably time for them to step back unitl they can figure out with themselves why you and your fiance being together bring them so much distress. 

This would be a conversation to have with your fiance, of course. its okay to speak up for your right to peace. 

Nothing is set in stone. If they’re able to behave or at least have a talk to you about why they act the way they do, then maybe something can be worked out. But,  yea… I wouldn’t give mom-in-law that power on your big day.


 Or any day after. 

You’ll be a lovely fat bride! And to add extra salt just jiggle your belly as you walk by mom. 

[ sorry, the petty came out. ] 

- Mod Dom

anonymous asked:

Like don’t you know he would be the cutest when you’re drinking. Like just a chill night in with the two of you and you’re both okay with getting a little tipsy. Staying up too late. Refilling each other’s drinks. Candles are lit. His flushed cheeks getting closer to yours and he’s all “think y’need a refill, little one.” And you’re all its not even empty? And he gives you that smirk.... you know THE smirk. He nibbles on your cheek. “Jus tryna tempt ya, love....s’it workin?”

Oh my god oh my god oh my GOD

He’s extra giggly and smiley and he keeps fumbling up his words because “hold on…. words are confusing right now” and maybe you guys dance and play throwback songs from your middle school days. And his cheeks are extra red and it gets to a point where he is SO clingy and can’t keep his lips off of your neck. And if you walk to the bathroom or to get another drink he keeps his arms wrapped around you from behind and shuffles with his feet between yours and you’re both stumbling and cracking up :(

Listen up

I have 700+ followers on here, and I know for a fact that some of you follow @trashy-extras @submittocommit and @joshdunslipring they are the most loving triangle of friends I’ve ever encountered. I wish I had friends like those. And there’s some low life people on this site that think its okay to harasses them. You are the literal scum of this website. If you follow me and youre one of the people sending them hate? Unfollow me right now. Send me all the fuckin hate you want but those three don’t deserve the negativity, they’re fuckin awesome.

  • psychic: *reads my mind*
  • me: Onward, Chauncey! To the highest room of the tallest tower... ...where my princess awaits rescue from her handsome Prince Oharming! This is worse than "Love Leters". I hate dinner theater! Me, too. Whoa there, Chauncey! Hark! The brave Prince Harming approacheth. Fear not, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster that guards you... ...then take my place as rightful king. What did she say? It's Shrek! Whoo, Shrek, yeah! Prepare, foul beast... ...to enter into a world of pain with which you are not familiar! Happy birthday to thee Happy birthday to thee Do you mind? Do you mind? Boring! Prepare, foul beast... Someday you'll be sorry. We already are! Mommy... You're right. I can't let this happen. I can't! I am the rightful King of Far Far Away. And I promise you this, Mother... ...I will restore dignity to my throne. And this time, no one will stand in my way. Good morning. Good morning. Morning breath. I know. Isn't it wonderful? Good morning, good morning The sun is shining through Good morning, good morning To you And you! And you! They grow up so fast. Not fast enough. You'll be filling in for the King and Queen. Several functions require your attendance, sir. Great! Let's get started. Come on, lazybones. Time to get moving! You need to get a pair ofjammies. I got some sleep and I needed it Not a lot, just a little bit Someone's always trying to keep me from it It's a crying shame It's a royal pain in the neck I knight thee. If you're filling in for a king, you should look like one. Can somebody come in and work on Shrek? I will see what I can do. Yeah, wow. Is this really necessary? Quite necessary, Fiona. - I'm Shrek, you twit. - Whatever. This isn't a rehearsal, peoples. Let's see some hustle! Smiles, everyone! Smiles! I don't know how much longer I can keep this up. I'm sorry, but can you just try to grin and bear it? It's just until Dad gets better. Shrek? You look handsome. Come here, you. My but is itching up a storm and I can't reach it in this monkey suit. Hey, you! Come here. What's your name? Fiddlesworth, sir. Perfect. Ladies and gentlemen... ...Princess Fiona and Sir Shrek! Ahh! You've got it. A little to the left. That's it! That's good. Oh, yeah! Scratch that thing! You're on it. Shrek! My eye! What are you doing? Fiona! - Are you okay? - Yeah. I'm fine. Shrimp! My favorite! - That's it! We're leaving! - Calm down. Calm down? Who do you think we're kidding? I am an ogre. I'm not cut out for this, Fiona, and I never will be. I think that went well. Donkey! Come on, Shrek! Some people just don't understand boundaries. Just think. A couple more days and we'll be back home... ...in our vermin-filled shack strewn with fungus... ...and filled with the stench of mud and neglect. You had me at "vermin-filled". And, um... maybe even the piter-pater of little feet on the floor. That's right, the swamp rats will be spawning. Uh, no. What I'm thinking of is a little bigger than a swamp rat. Donkey? No, Shrek. What if, theoretically... ...they were little ogre feet? Honey, let's be rational about this. Have you seen a baby lately? They just eat and poop, and they cry... ...then they cry when they poop and poop when they cry. Now, imagine an ogre baby. They extra-cry and they extra-poop. Shrek, don't you ever think about having a family? Right now, you're my family. Somebody better be dying. I'm dying. Harold? Don't forget to pay the gardener, Lillian. Of course, darling. Fiona. Yes, Daddy? I know I made many mistakes with you. It's okay. But your love for Shrek has... ...taught me much. My dear boy... ...I am proud to call you my son. And I'm proud to call you my frog... ...King dad-in-law. Now there is a mater of business to attend to. The Frog King... is dead. Put your hat back on, fool. Shrek... ...please come hither. Yeah, Dad? This kingdom needs a new king. You and Fiona are next in line for the throne. Next in line. You see, Dad, that's why people love you. Even on your deathbed, you're still making jokes. Come on, Dad. An ogre as king? That's not such a good idea. There must be somebody else. Anybody! Aside from you, there is only one remaining heir. Really? Who is he, Dad? His name is... ...is... What's his name? ...is... Daddy! His name is Arthur. Arthur? I know you'll do... ...what's right. Harold? Dad? Dad! Dad? Do your thing, man. When you were young and your heart Was an open book You used to say live and let live You know you did, you know you did You know you did But if this ever changing world In which we live in Makes you give in and cry Say live and let die Live and let die Hey, lady You, lady Cursing at your life You're a discontented mother And a regimented wife What does a prince have to do to get a drink here? Ah, Mabel! Why they call you an ugly stepsister, I'll never know. Where's Doris? Taking the night off? She's not welcome here, and neither are you. What do you want, Harming? Not much. Just a chance at redemption. And a Fuzzy Navel. And Fuzzy Navels for all my friends! We're not your friends. You don't belong here. You're absolutely right, but, I mean, do any of us? Do a number on his face. Wait, wait, wait! We are more alike than you think. Wicked Witch! The Seven Dwarfs saved Snow White, and what happened? Oh, what's it to you? They left you the unfairest of them all. Now here you are, hustling pool to get your next meal. How does that feel? Pretty unfair. And you! Your star puppet abandons the show to go and find his father. I hate that little wooden puppet. And Hook. Need I say more? - And you, Frumpypigskin! - Rumpelstiltskin. Where's that firstborn you were promised? Mabel. Remember how you couldn't get your little fat foot... ...into that tiny glass slipper? Cinderella is in Far Far Away right now... ...eating bonbons, cavorting with every last fairy tale creature... ...that has ever done you wrong! Once upon a time, someone decided that we were the losers. But there are two sides to every story... ...and our side has not been told! So who will join me? Who wants to come out on top for once? Who wants their... ..."happily ever after"? This way, gents. It's out of my hands, senorita. The winds of fate have blown on my destiny. But I will never forget you. You are the love of my life. As are you. And, uh, you. I don't know you, but I'd like to. I got to go! I don't wanna leave you either. But you know how Shrek is. The dude's lost without me. But don't worry. I'll send you airmail kisses every day! Be strong, babies. Coco, Peanut, listen to your mama. Bananas, no roasting marshmallows on your sister's head. That's my special boy! Come here, all of you! Give your daddy a big hug! Shrek? Maybe you should just stay and be King. Come on. There's no way I could run a kingdom. That's why your cousin Arthur is a perfect choice. It's not that. You see... And if he gives me trouble, I always have persuasion and reason. Here's persuasion... and here's reason. Fiona... ...soon it's just going to be you, me... ...and our swamp. It's not going to be just you and me. All aboard! It will be. I promise. I love you. That's lovely. Bye-bye, babies! Shrek! - Wait! - What is it? I'm... I'm... I love you, too, honey! No! I said I'm... You're what? I said I'm pregnant! What was that? You're going to be a father! That's great! Really? I'm glad you think so! I love you! Yeah! Me, too! You! I'm going to be an uncle! I'm going to be an uncle! And you, my friend, are royally... Home. Shrek! Fiona! Fiona? Oh, no. Better out than in, I always say. No, no, no! It's okay. It's gonna be all right. Stop! Hey, wait! Donkey. Donkey! Wake up! Dada! Shrek! Are you okay? I can't believe I'm going to be a father. How did this happen? Allow me to explain. When a man has feelings for a woman... ...a powerful urge sweeps over him. I know how it happened. I just can't believe it. How does it happen? And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon Little Boy Blue and the Man in the Moon When you coming home, son? I don't know when But we'll get together then, Dad. Donkey! Can you just cut to the part where you're supposed to make me feel better? You know I love Fiona, boss. Right? What I am talking about is you, me, my cousin's boat... ...an ice cold pitcher of mojitos and two weeks of nothing but fishing. Don't listen to him! Having a baby isn't going to ruin your life. It's not my life I'm worried about ruining, it's the kid's. When have you ever heard the phrase "as sweet as an ogre"... ...or "as nurturing as an ogre"... ...or "You'll love my dad. He's a real ogre." Okay. I get it. It's not going to be easy. But you got us to help you. That's true. I'm doomed. You'll be fine. You're finished. Uh, with your journey "Wor-ces-ters-shiree"? Now that sounds fancy! It's Worcestershire. Like the sauce? It's spicy! They must be expecting us. What in the shista-shire kind of place is this? Well, my stomach aches and my palms just got sweaty. Must be a high school. High school? Ready? Okay! Wherefore art thou headed, to the top? Yeah, we think so, we think so! And dost thou thinkest thine can be stopped? Nay, we thinkst not, we thinkst not! All right, Mr. Percival, ease up on the reins. For lo, bro, don't burn all my frankincense and myrrh. I'm feeling nauseous from memories of wedgies and swirlies! How did you receive wedgies when you are clearly not the wearer of underpants? Let's just say some things are beter left unsaid. So I was all like, "I'd rather get the black plague than go out with you." - Oh, totally. - Pardon me. - Totally ew-eth. - Yeah, totally. I just altered my character level to +3 superb-ability. Hi. We're looking for someone named... Who rolled a +9 dork spell and summoned the beast and his quadruped? I know you're busy not fiting in, but can you tell me where I can find Arthur? He's over there. There is no sweeter taste on thy tongue than victory! Strong, handsome, face of a leader. Does Arthur look like a king or what? Sorry. Did you say you were looking for Arthur? That information is on a need-to-know basis. It's top secret! Now, gentlemen, let's away. To the showers! Greetings, Your Majesty. This is your lucky day. What are you supposed to be? Some kind of giant mutant leprechaun or something? Giant mutant... You made a funny. Unhand me, monster! Stop squirming, Arthur. I'm not Arthur. I am Lancelot. That dork over there is Arthur. This is, like, totally embarrassing... ...but Tiffany thinkest thou vex her so soothly. She thought perchance thou would ask her to the Homecoming Dance. Excuse me? Like, whatever. She's into college guys and mythical creatures. Oh, Arthur... ...come out, come out, wherever you are! You beter run, you litle punk no-goodniks! The days of Donkey Dumpy Drawers are over! Hold it. We're here for the mascot contest. We're here for the mascot contest, too. This is a costume? Worked on it all night long. Looks prety real to me. If he were real, could I do this? Or this? If it were real, that would have been agonizingly painful. - Now watch this! - That's quite enough, boys. Thank you to Professor Primbotom and his lecture... ...on "just say nay". And now, without further ado, let's give a warm Worcestershire hoozah... ...to the winner of our mascot contest, the... ...ogre? That's right. I'm the new mascot. So let's really try and beat the other guys at... ...whatever it is they're doing! This is all a bit unorthodox... Where can I find Arthur Pendragon? Hey, wait... Olassic. You should be ashamed of yourself! I didn't do it. They did. Please don't eat me. Eat him! Eat him! Eat him! I'm not here to eat him! Time to pack up your toothbrush and jammies. You're the new King of Far Far Away. What? Artie a king? More like the Mayor of Loserville! Burn. Is this for real? Absolutely. Olean out your locker, kid. You have a kingdom to run. So, wait... l'm really the only heir? The one and only. Give me a second. My good people... ...there's a lesson here for all of us. Next time you're about to dunk a kid's head in a chamber pot, stop and think, "Hey, maybe this guy has feelings. Maybe I should cut him some slack. 'Oause maybe... just maybe... ...this guy's gonna turn out to be, I don't know, a king? Maybe his first royal decree will be to banish everyone who ever picked on him." I'm looking at you, jousting team! And Guin? Oh, Guin. I've always loved you. Good friends, it breaks my heart, but... ...enjoy your stay here in prison while I rule the free world! Okay, let's not overdo it. I'm building my city, people... on rock 'n' roll! You just overdid it. Look at you! You look darling. Just precious. Look at her. Any cravings since you got pregnant? No. Not at all. Do you smell ham? It's present time! Fiona, please open mine first. It's the one in front. "Oongratulations on your new mess mak..." Oh, mess maker! "Hopefully this helps. Love, Oinderella." - Look at that! - What is it? It's for the poopies. Wait... babies poop? Everyone poops, Beauty. Fiona! We all chipped in for a litle present, too. Ta-da! You know the baby will love it, because I do! Guys, that's so sweet. Thank you. Who's this one from? I got you the biggest one, because I love you most. "Have one on me. Love, Snow White." What is it? He's a live-in babysiter. Where's the baby? You're too kind, Snow, but I can't accept this. It's nothing. I have six more at home. - What does he do? - Oleaning. - Feeding. - Burping. So, what are Shrek and I supposed to do? Work on your marriage. Thanks, Rapunzel. What's that supposed to mean? Oome on now, Fiona. You know what happens. You're tired all the time. You start leting yourself go. Stretch marks. Say goodbye to romance. I'm sorry, but how many of you have kids? She's right! A baby will only strengthen the love Shrek and Fiona have. How did Shrek react when you told him? When he first found out, Shrek said... Onward, my new friends! To our happily ever afters! Now... bombs away! Well, well, well. If it isn't Peter Pan. - His name's not Peter. - Shut it, Wendy. Enough pillaging! To the castle! You go! Take care of the baby! Everybody stay calm! We're going to die! Everyone in! Now! Oome on! Put some back into it! We don't have time. Now go! Quickly, ladies! We'll hold them off as long as we can! Where are Shrek and Fiona? The name doesn't ring a bell. No bell. I suggest you freaks cooperate... ...with the new King of Far Far Away! The only thing you're ever gonna be king of is King of the Stupids! - Hook! - Right! Avast, ye cookie. Start talking. - Gingy! - Papa! Setle down now. On the good ship Lollipop It's a sweet trip to the candy shop You! You can't lie. So tell me, puppet... where is Shrek? Well... I don't know where he's not. You don't know where Shrek is? It wouldn't be inaccurate to assume... ...that I couldn't exactly not say that is or isn't almost partially incorrect. So you do know where he is! On the contrary, I'm possibly more or less not definitely rejecting the idea that in no way, with any amount of uncertainty... Stop it! ...I do not know where he shouldn't be. If that indeed wasn't where he isn't. Even if he wasn't not where I knew he was, it could mean... On the good ship Lollipop Enough! Shrek went off to bring back the next heir! He's bringing back the next heir? No! Hook! Get rid of this new "King". But bring Shrek to me. I have something special in mind for him. He'll never fall for your tricks! Oh, boy. I can't believe it. Me, a king? I knew I came from royalty, but... ...I figured everyone forgot about me. Oh, no. In fact the King asked for you personally. Really? Wow. But I know it's not all fun and games. It really is all fun and games, actually. Sure, you have to knight a few heroes, launch a ship or two. By the way, make sure you hit the boat just right with the botle. Any idiot can hit a boat with a botle. Well, I've heard it's harder than it looks. This is going to be huge. Parties, princesses, castles. Princesses. You'll be living in the lap of luxury. The finest chefs will wait for your order. And fortunately, you'll have the royal food tasters. What do they do? Taste the food before the King eats, to make sure it's not poisoned. - Poisoned? - Or too salty. Don't worry. Your bodyguards will keep you safe. All of them willing at a moment's notice to lay down their lives out of devotion to you. Really? The whole kingdom will look to you for wisdom and guidance. Make sure they don't die of famine! - Or plague. - Plague is bad. The coughing, the groaning, the festering sores. Festering sores! You are one funny kity cat. What did I say? We don't want Artie geting the wrong idea. Artie? There goes my hip! Artie! What are you doing? What does it look like?! This really isn't up to you. I don't know anything about being king! You'll learn on the job! Sorry, but I'm going back. Back to what? Being a loser? Now look what you did! Look what I did? _ Who's holding the wheel, chief? Shrek! Land ho! How humiliating. Oh, nice going, Your Highness. Now it's "Your Highness"? What happened to "loser"? If you think this is geting you out of anything, it isn't. We're heading back to Far Far Away one way or another... ...and you're going to be a father! What? You just said "father". King! You're going to be king! "You're going to be king!" Yeah, right. Where are you going? Far Far Away... from you! Get back here, young man! Boss? I don't think he's coming back. Maybe it's for the best. He's not exactly king material. When did you plan to tell him you were supposed to be king? Oome on. Why would I do that? Besides, he'll be ten times beter at it than me. Then change your tactics if you want to get anywhere with him. You're right, Donkey. What about this? - Shrek! - Oome on. It's just a joke. Still... Listen, Artie. If you think this whole mad scene ain't dope, I feel you, dude. I'm not trying to get up in your grill or raise your roof. But what I am screamin' is, yo... ...check out this kazing thazing, bazaby! If it doesn't groove, or what I'm saying ain't straight trippin', say, "Oh, no, you didn't! You're geting on my last nerve." And then I'll know it's... I'll know it's wack! Help! I've been kidnapped by a monster who's trying to relate to me! - Artie, wait. - Oome on! Help! Hello? Greetings, cosmic children of the universe. Welcome to my serenity circle. Please leave any bad vibes outside the healing vortex. Now prepare to... I knew I should have got that warranty! Mr. Merlin? You know this guy? Yeah. He was the school magic teacher, until he had his nervous breakdown. Technically, I was merely a victim of a level 3 fatigue. At the request of my therapist, and the school authorities, I retired to the tranquility of nature to discover my divine purpose. Oan I interest anyone in a snack or beverage? Uh, no. Sure you don't want to try my Rock Au Gratin? It's organic. Thanks. I ate a boulder on the way in. We need directions to Far Far Away. "We"? Who said I was going with you? I did. People are counting on you, so don't try to weasel out of it. If the job's so great, you do it. Understand this, kid. No more Mr. Nice Guy from here on out. That was your Mr. Nice Guy? Yeah, and I'm going to miss him. Why don't you go terrorize a village and leave me alone! Was that a crack about ogres? You get your royal highness to Far Far Away... ...before I kick it there! Now, which way am I kicking? I could tell you, but since you're in the midst of a self-destructive rage spiral, it would be karmically irresponsible. Self-destructive? Are you going to help us or not? Most definitely, but only after you take the journey to your soul! I don't think so. It's either that or primal scream therapy. All right. Journey to the soul. Now, all of you, look into the Fire of Truth and tell me what you see. Ooh, charades! Okay, I see a Dutch fudge torte with cinnamon swirls! Okay, monster... go for it. I see a rainbow pony. Excellent work! Now the boy. This is lame. You're lame! Now just go for it. Okay. There's a baby bird and a father bird siting in a nest. Yes! Stay with it! The dad just flew away. Why did he leave the litle bird all alone? It's trying to fly, but it doesn't know how to. It's going to fall! Proper head case you are. Really messed up. Okay, I get it. The bird's me. My dad left. So what? Look, Artie, um... Just thought I'd help set the mood... ...for your big heart-to-heart chat. I know what it's like to not feel ready for something. Even ogres get scared. You know... once in a while. I know you want me to be king, but I can't. I'm not cut out for it, and I never will be. Even my own dad knew I wasn't worth the trouble. He dumped me at that school first chance he got... ...and I never heard from him again. My dad wasn't really the fatherly type, either. I doubt he was worse than mine. Oh, yeah? My father was an ogre. He tried to eat me. I guess I should have realized it. He bathed me in barbecue sauce and put me to bed with an apple in my mouth. I guess that's prety bad. It may be hard to believe, what, with my obvious charm and good looks, but people used to think I was a monster. And for a long time, I believed them. But after a while, you learn to ignore the names people call you and just trust who you are. You know... you're okay, Shrek. You just need to do a litle less yelling and use a litle more soap. Thanks, Artie. The soap's because you stink... really bad. Yeah... I got that. This place is filthy! I feel like a hobo. I'm sorry, but this isn't working for me. Everything's always about you. It's not like your atitude is helping. Maybe itjust bothers you I was voted fairest in the land. You mean in that rigged election? Give me a break. "Rapunzel, Rapunzel... ...let down thy golden extensions!" Ladies, let go of your pety complaints and let's work together! So I guess the plan is we just wander aimlessly in this stinkhole until we rot. No, we get inside and find out what Oharming's up to. I know he's a jerk and everything, but that Oharming makes me hoter than July. That's it! Oome on! This way! Rapunzel, wait! Oharming, let go of her. But why would I want to do that? What? Say hello, ladies, to the new Queen of Far Far Away. Rapunzel, how could you? Jealous much? Soon you'll be back where you started, scrubbing floors or locked away in towers. That is, if I let you last the week. Pookie, you promised not to hurt them. Not here, kiten whiskers. Daddy will discuss it later. Now forgive us. We have a show to put on. Shrek will be back soon, and you'll be sorry. Sorry?! Don't you realize once Shrek sets foot in Far Far Away... ...he's doomed? Look out! They got a piano! Kill them all... except the fat one. King Oharming has something special in mind for you, ogre. King Oharming? Atack! Artie, duck! Ready the plank! - Shrek! - Help! Oowards! What has Oharming done with Fiona? She's going to get what's coming to her. And there ain't nothing you can do to stop him! - We've got to save her. - But she's so far far away! Get yourself back to Worcestershire, kid. No, Shrek. Hold on. I've got an idea. I am a buzzing bee. Mr. Merlin? They need a spell to get them... ...I mean us, back to Far Far Away. Forget it. I don't have that kind of magic in me anymore. How about a hug? That's the best kind of magic. Please. I know you can do it. I said forget it! But... What's with you? It's just so hard, you know? They need to get back, 'cause their kingdom's in trouble. 'Oause there's a really bad man. It's just so hard! Take it easy. No! I don't think you understand! There's a mean person doing mean things to good people. Have a heart, old man. They really need your help to get back. Why won't you help them?! Okay. I'll go get my things. Piece of cake. Well, well. You want eggs with that ham? I am a litle rusty, so there could be some side effects. - Side effects? - Don't worry. Whatever it is, no mater how excruciatingly painful, it will wear off eventually. I think. - Oops. - You sure about this? If Artie trusts him, that's good enough for me. Even if his robe doesn't cover... Alacritious expeditious... ...a- zoomy-zoom-zoom! Let's help our friends get back... ...soon! It worked! I haven't been on a trip like that since college! Donkey? What? Is something in my teeth? Oh, no! I've been abracadabra-ed into a Fancy Feastin', second-rate sidekick! At least you don't look like some kind of bloated piñata! You should think about going on a diet! You should get yourself a pair of pants. I feel all exposed and nasty! So you two think this is funny? I'm really sorry, guys. Don't be. You got us back, kid. How in the Hans Ohristian Andersen am I supposed to parade around in these goofy boots? Hey, hey, hey! Be very careful with those. They were made in Madrid by the finest... You'll learn to control that. Seriously. Ow! You need some comfort inserts or arch supports or something. Watch it. I'm walking here and I'm gonna keep going until... Pinocchio! Shrek! Help me! - What happened? - Oharming and the villains took over! Fiona and the Princesses got away. Now she's... She's what?! What?! Puss! Loan me five bucks. You heard him. Help the brother out. Do you see any pockets on me? Hold on a second. I had no idea, really. I... I swear. Quick! Where is Fiona? Oharming has her locked away someplace. You have to find him! He's probably geting ready for the show! Wait, Pinocchio! What show? "It's a Happily Ever After After All". "Shrek's final performance"? Shrek! You didn't tell us you were in a play! I guess I've been so busy I forgot to mention it. The ogre! Get him! Don't worry, jefe. I got this. Uck! Kill it! Look. Don't you know who he thinks he is? How dare you! We're dealing with amateurs. He's a star, people! Hello? I'm so sorry about this, Mr. Shrek. I'm going to lose it! Is everything ready? You did get the list for the dressing room? Breakfast croissant stuffed with seared sashimi tuna. And I hope you have the saffron corn with jalapeno honey buter. Our client cannot get into his proper emotional state withoutjalapeno honey buter! I just lost it. They should talk to Nancy in Human Resources. Oh, we will have much to say to Nancy, I promise! "With this sword, I do..." No. "With..." "With this sword, I do smote thee!" Is "smote" the right word? "Smoot"? I don't think that's a word. Maybe I should just "smite" him. Let's try this again. Now... Shrek atacks me. I pretend to be afraid. "Now the kingdom will get the happily ever after they deserve. Die, ogre!" Blah, blah, blah. Oh, itjust doesn't feel real enough! Who told you to stop dancing?! Wink and turn. What are you laying around for? Get up! Honestly! Our happily ever after is nearly complete, Mummy. And I assure you... ...the people of this kingdom will pay dearly for every second... ...we've had to wait. Break a leg. On second thought, let me break it for you. Thank goodness. I was afraid you wouldn't get back in time. Where's Fiona? Don't worry. She and the others are safe... for now. Let me guess. Arthur. It's Artie, actually. This boy is supposed to be the new King of Far Far Away? How pathetic. Stand still, so I won't make a mess. Oharming, stop! I'm here now. You got what you wanted. This isn't about him. Then who's it about? I'm supposed to be king, right? You weren't really next in line for the throne. I was. But you said the King asked for me personally. Not exactly. What does that mean? I said whatever I had to say, all right? I wasn't right for the job, so I needed some fool to replace me. And you fit the bill. So just go! You were playing me the whole time. You catch on real fast, kid. Maybe you're not as big of a loser as I thought. You know, for a minute... ...I actually thought... - What? That he cared about you? He's an ogre. What did you expect? You really do have a way with children, Shrek. Leave me out with the waste This is not what I do It's the wrong time She's pulling me through It's a small crime And I got no excuse And is that all right, yeah? Is that all right with you? Is that all right, yeah? If I give my gun away when it's loaded? If you don't shoot it how am I supposed to hold it? Is that all right? Is that all right? Is that all right with you? No. No. Had we stayed put like I suggested, we'd be sipping tea out of litle heart-shaped cups. Yeah, heart-shaped cups. And eating crumpets smothered with loganberries. Yeah, loganberries. - Shut up, Oindy. - Yeah, shut up. - No, you shut up. - Stay out of this. Who cares who's "running the kingdom"? - I care. - You should all care. I have your badge number, tin can! - Donkey? - Princess! Puss? I am Puss, stuck here inside this hideous body. And I'm me! But you're... Everything's fruity in the loops, but what happened is we went to high school, the boat crashed and we got bippity-boppity-booped by the magic man. You poor sweet things. I don't get it. The cat turned into a litle horse that smells like feet. What's to get? Who dat? Where's Shrek? Oharming has him. He plans to kill Shrek tonight in front of the whole kingdom! All right, everyone. We need to find a way out now. You're right. Ladies, assume the position! What are you doing? Waiting to be rescued. You've got to be kidding me. What else can we do? We're just four... ...I mean three, super-hot princesses... ...two circus freaks, a pregnant ogre and an old lady! Excuse me. Old lady coming through. Mom! You didn't think you got your fighting skills from your father, did you? Excuse me. There's still one more. Why don't you just lie down? Okay, girls, from here on out... ...we take care of business ourselves. The Far Far Away Theatre at the Charming Pavilion is proud to present... ..."It's A Happily Ever After After AII." Enjoy your evening of theatrical reverie, citizen. Oi! No food or beverages in the theater! Places, everyone! Easy! Sorry. I was showing off for the litle one. It's Bring Your Kids to Work Day. Oome here, beautiful. Well, she's got your eye. Who would have thought a monster like me deserved something as special as you? Little birdies, take wing Flitting down from the trees they appear And to chirp in my ear All because I sing Move it! Go! My babies! Help! Hey, how's it goin'? O to the K. The coast is clear. Let's do this. Go, Team Dynamite! I thought we agreed to use the name Team Super Oool. I recall it was Team Awesome. I voted for Team Alpha Wolf Squadron. Okay! From henceforth, we will be Team Alpha Super Awesome Oool Dynamite Wolf Squadron. Ach de liebe! There is some strange litle girl over there staring at us! Artie! Wait, wait! Where is the fire, señor? Please. Don't act so innocent. You both knew what was going on and kept it to yourselves. It's not like it seems. It's not? I think it seems prety clear. He was using me. That's all. Using you? You really don't get it. Shrek only said those things to protect you. Oharming was going to kill you, Artie! Shrek saved your life. Oue the spot! I wait alone up here I'm trapped another day Locked up here, please set me free My new life I almost see A castle, you and me Yes, a castle, you and me Oherubs! Tis I, Tis I Upon my regal steed Princess, my love At last you shall be freed I'm strong And brave And dashing my way there With speed! With might! With soft and bouncy hair! - Through the blistering desert - Hot! - Across the stormiest sea - Wet! Facing creatures so vile Foul! So you can gaze upon me! I knew you'd come for me And now we finally meet I knew you'd wait And from my plate of love you'd eat Who is this terribly ugly fiend Who so rudely intervened? Will Charming fight or flee? Please rescue me! From this monstrosity! Fear thee not, honey lamb! I will slice this thing up like a ham! Oh, boy. You are about to enter a world of pain With which you are not familiar! It can't be any more painful than your lousy performance. "Prepare, foul beast." Prepare, foul beast, your time is done! Oould you kill me and then sing? Be quiet! I'm just having fun with you. That's actually a very nice leotard. Thank you. Do they come in men's sizes? Now that be funny! Enough! Now you'll finally know what it's like... ...to have everything you worked for... ...everything that's precious to you, taken away. Now you'll know how I felt. Sausage roll! Pray for mercy from Puss! And Donkey! D Hi, honey. Sorry we're late. You okay? Much beter, now that you're here. So, Oharming, you want to let me out of these so we can setle this ogre-to-man? Ooh, that sounds fun. But I have a beter idea. No! Let go of me! You will not ruin things this time, ogre. Kill it. Everybody, stop! Oh, what is it now?! Artie? Who thinks we need to setle things this way? You mean you want to be villains your whole lives? But we are villains! It's the only thing we know. You never wish you could be something else? Easy for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree. You morons! Don't listen to him! Atack! What Steve means is it's hard to come by honest work when the whole world's against you. Right. Thanks, Ed. Fair enough. You're right. I'm not a talking tree. But you know... ...a good friend once told me... ...just because people treat you like a villain, or an ogre... ...or just some loser... ...doesn't mean you are one. What maters most is what you think of yourself. If there's something you really want, or someone you want to be... ...the only person standing in your way is you. - Me? - Get him! No, no, no! What I mean is each of you... ...is standing in your own way. I always wanted to play the flute. I'd like to open up a spa... in France! I grow daffodils. And they're beautiful. A new era finally begins! Now all of you... ...bow before your King! You need to work on your aim. This was supposed to be my happily ever after! Well, you need to keep looking... ...because I'm not giving up mine. Mommy? It's yours if you want it. But this time it's your choice. Author! Artie! Artie! Artie! Artie! Excuse me. That's my seat. Okay, Señor Hocusy-Pocusy, the time has come to rectify some wrongs! Though I have been enjoying these cat baths. Please say you didn't. All right! Look. You'll feel a pinch and possibly lower intestinal discomfort... ...but this should do the trick. - Are you? - I'm me again! - And I am not you! - All right! Oops. Ah, never mind. What did I tell you? The kid's going to be a great king. Well, for what it's worth, you would have, too. I have something much more important in mind. Finally. Dada. Was I wrong about the world? It's a beautiful new place I smell Shrek Junior! Where else could a creep like me Meet such a pretty face Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo! A bouncy, bouncy, boy! Used to always feel like Wished that I was dressed better Where's the baby? Never had a lot of luck Until I finally met her Meeting every day with the rising sun Looking up, it's looking like My losing streak is done My losing streak is done Well... what shall we do now? I got it. Puss and Donkey, baby! Once again, come on! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! Look at my hips! I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again! - Break it down! - Let's go! Stiff all in the collar Fluffy in the face Chit chat chatter trying Stuffy in the place Thank you for the par-tay But I could never stay I'm sorry. I got many things on my mind But the word's in the way And I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Different strokes for different folks Thank you for letting me be myself Again Break it down! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Puss and Donkey, baby! Dance to the music All night long Everyday people Sing a simple song Mama's so happy Mama start to cry Papa's still singing You can make it if you try So try! Thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you for letting me be myself Again Oome on, Donkey. Do something right! Put the hoofs together! Put the hoofs together! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Stomp your boots, baby! Thank you for letting me be myself Again I want to thank you for letting me be myself Again Thank you, thank you, thank you. Want to thank you Just to be my Because I just want to be my... See? Can I, can I thank you! Can I Yes! Yes!
  • psychic: what the fuck

Because of a familial situation, I cried a lot last night. Everyone is okay. But, I cried a lot and today my dad drove me to work so I could get some extra sleep. My eyes are sensitive enough that I’m very aware of them right now and I put on makeup today specifically trying to distract from the puffiness there. Still, there’s something about waking up after crying a lot, at least for me. I feel very vulnerable today, like I need people to treat me kindly or not regard me at all. I feel weak today. I feel like I need to be reminded of my worth. But I appreciate being a little quieter today all the same.

anonymous asked:

Okay, just imagine a strand of Draco's hair falling out of place, no one tells him and everything is fine because it's only a piece of hair. But then, Harry notices and he just gets so fucking flustered anytime he sees him because of that one little strand.

Harry loves Draco’s hair! He calls it sleek like what, fifteen times? Not to forget the whole sunlight gleaming on Malfoy’s white-blond head comment, or his extra interest in Pansy stroking Draco’s hair.
He already wants to touch Draco’s hair, to see if it’s as soft as it looks, yeah right Harry. Just imagine him watching Draco with a strand of hair untucked? Draco’s all concentrated in his report, so all he does is blow the hair away from his face, which of course comes back down almost immediately. Harry’s Suffering™. He’d probably have to sit on his hands to not reach out and tuck it back in.

@fascinationex replied to your post “abirama headcanon: in resurreccion, his beak is extra sensitive and…”

Okay, but what if masks ARE like that? They’re a critical area for arrancar, after all. Vulnerable areas are often really sensitive, too. So… maybe it’s abirama’s beak, but also all the masks. 👀👀

U RIGHT THO… like. a hypersensitive hollow is my mf JAM. their holes being the most sensitive, of course, for Heart Reasons, but. their masks as well? imagine all of the lovely possibilities that could come from that. especially when someone uses their teeth on their masks, and not just their fingernails.

…i can imagine that it reeaallly won’t end well for anyone who dares to tease nnoitra though. he’s got the worst placement for hollow hole and mask. 😂

anonymous asked:

Yes It's freaking open! Do you have any Firefighter Dean fics? Extra points if his best buddy Benny works with him!

Originally posted by poorbeautifuldean

Well… It seems like I’m not getting those extra points! I too, would have loved some Dean/Benny action (purely the platonic type okay) and the idea of them being firefighters together would have been amazing… Unfortunately I couldn’t remember any stories like that. But I do have many great Firefighter Dean stories, so it’s okay right!? I’ll put up another rec if I find/remember fireman fics where Benny has a more active role, but in the meantime, I hope you’ll enjoy the fics I was able to gather for you.
- Admin A


Title: Forget-Me-Not Blues

Author: noangelsinthegarrison

Rating: Explicit

Words: 68,689 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This is the typical enemies to lovers type of a fic, but not as over the top dramatic as most fics in this genre. This is a perfect read when you need something light and fluffy to lift you up!

Summary:  Sam and Jess are getting married and Dean couldn’t be any happier for them. Honestly, they’re kind of disgustingly perfect for each other and Dean’s pretty damn excited about staying with them the week before the wedding. He’s Sam’s best man, of course, and he doesn’t even mind that Jess has her own best man to share in all the organisational duties. The more the merrier, right?

Except Dean must have done something to epically piss off the universe because Jess’s best man just happens to be Castiel friggin’ Novak. He’s got even hotter since High School, but apparently no friendlier and if Cas wants to spend the week pretending like they’ve never met before? Fine. Two can play at that game.

(Read here)


Title: Why Do They Call It A Green Card When Its Blue

Author: linda92595

Rating: Mature

Words: 14,241 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: Firefighter dean and Russian Cas?! Awesome, just simply awesome! All of you who missed my Russian Cas special, here’s a link to that: http://deanxcasficrecs.tumblr.com/post/135963795336/russian-castiel-special

Summary:  Dean is a firefighter who recently lost his home due to a fire. Castiel is a bohemian Russian immigrant who overstayed his Visa. Dean needs a place to live; Cas needs a Green Card…A match made in Heaven.

(Read here)


Title: Secondhand Angel

Author: cylobaby27

Rating: Mature

Words: 23,938 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: Bookstore au with a firefighter Dean in it?! Best combo ever! I was totally moved by the way the author described Dean’s PTSD and and angst without going over the top with it. A perfect combination of angst and fluff.

Summary:  Castiel Novak owns a small used bookstore in Lawrence, Kansas. He is content with the peace and quiet of his current life, and can’t imagine allowing anything to change that. Then Dean Winchester enters his shop.

(Read here)


Title: Set Me On Fire

Author: wildsky_sheri

Rating: Explicit

Words: 4,100 – Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★  

Admin A’s notes: Please I need more! This was freaking fantastic and I’m always down for Destiel phone sex!

Summary:  Dean decided long ago that amateur heroes are stupid. They always need professionals to rescue them.

(Read here)


Title: Every Dog Has Its Day

Author: aileenrose

Rating: Mature

Words: 12,509 -– Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I love this fic! I have read it over five times already because homeless, veteran Cas is very much my thing and combined with a firefighter Dean trying to help him… you just can’t go wrong with that!

Summary: Dean’s new to Sioux Falls. In between meeting the mysterious Cas Novak, and helping save a puppy whose name they can’t agree on, he thinks this place can become something like home.

(Read here)


Title: Grace Under Fire

Author: the_diggler

Rating: Explicit

Words: 26,855 -– Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: This was not my favorite for many reasons, but I decided to add it in because I’m (again) probably the only one feeling this way. First of all, I did love Balthazar’s character but being paired with Sam just did not work for me. Second, I got annoyed by Dean too many times. I know that Dean’s always a coward when it comes to his feelings for Cas and then there’s always the drama with Lisa and what not… It was just too much for me to handle. Also I did not like how Cas kind of forgave Dean way too easily. It’s okay to forgive but Cas really needs to grow up a spine in fics like these. That’s all :’D

Summary: This is not just a story about how a shy History teacher and a hot-headed Firefighter meet and fall in love. It’s also a story about learning, about having the courage to throw caution to the wind and fight for what you really want. With a little help from some meddling friends, of course.

(Read here)


Title: Held in Your Tender Hand

Author: almaasi

Rating: Explicit

Words: 59,822 - Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I have to admit that I was a little iffy about this fic because of the mention of gender-bending Cas in the summary, but luckily I gave it a chance because it was not at all what I was expecting it to be. Another fantastic story from almaasi, I doubt she could ever write anything less that great!

Summary: Human AU. Castiel is Dean’s new masseur. Their relationship is meant to be all business, but somehow their first session ends with a cuddle, and their second session leads Castiel to confess he enjoys watching Dean nap a little too much. Their third… well, their third session is especially intimate. After more than a year apart, Dean and Castiel meet on a train, having been invited to the same Independence Day gathering. Just like before, Castiel goes everywhere with his pet cat. But outside of work, he dresses and acts very differently to the polo-shirted smooth-talker of the massage room. Dean can only guess at how this snarky, tattooed, gender-bending sweetheart can render him such a wreck, all over again.

(Read here)


Title: Customer Service

Author: dreamingwriter

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Words: 10,345 - Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I love the way this is written. I love how the author has managed to make everything mundane sound so captivating! One of my fav fics in this rec so far!
Summary: AU wherein Sam’s getting married, Dean is helping out as best he can, and Sam and Jess are worried about Dean, who keeps meeting Castiel and doesn’t quite mind.

(Read here)


Title: Prosopagnosia

Author: misseditallagain

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Words: 32,737 - Finished

Admin’s assessment: ★ ★ ★ ★

Admin A’s notes: I keep re-reccing this fic every chance I get :’D I don’t know what it s about disabled Cas, but I can never get tired of him. I swear I’ve read every possible fic where Cas has some kind of disability :’D

Summary: “I could turn around right now and I wouldn’t be able to spot you out of a lineup. There is nothing remarkable about you I could identify and say: there, that is Dean.”

“So you mean I’m not just another pretty face?”

(Read here)