Alright, so, I’ll start this off by saying I am honestly not an expert on Kakyoin, contrary to popular belief (I’d actually consider myself more of an expert on Jotaro’s character, if anything), but I’m going to do my best to give my views on Kakyoin’s character, as well as some canon evidence to support it, and hopefully it will help a bit.
If you want a great reference of how to write Kakyoin in fic, go read Sand, sand and more sand on AO3, because it’s honestly one of the best depictions of Kak I’ve ever read, and he’s quite close to canon.
Kakyoin is pretty snarky. He’s subtle about it, but he’s also kind of a shithead. He’s polite most of the time, but it seems to be more of a setting he defaults to when he doesn’t feel entirely comfortable around the people he’s with. We have quite a few quips from him as examples of this, such as him laughing at andd mocking Anne during the dark blue moon arc, and saying she couldn’t possibly be the stand user on board, and in the Geb and N'Doul fight where he orders Polnareff to attack the canteen because he “doesn’t want to”. He also at one point responds to Polnareff saying “this looks bad!” with, “well it most certainly isn’t good.”
He’s blunt, but this also means that he’s honest. He dislikes liars, and prefers that everything is set out before him clearly and plainly as opposed to someone that is clearly dancing around the subject.
He also seems like quite the know-it-all, and likes being right; and he’s probably the type to argue with someone even if he knows he’s wrong. He seems to genuinely enjoy teaching the crusaders about the culture of all the places they visit on their journey, and he has the ability to retain all of that information to recant to them, as well. It seems to be somewhat of an interest of his.
And then there’s this, of course…
The cherry thing is something that kind of bothers me in fandom and fic. Yes; Kakyoin says that cherries are his favourite fruit. Child Kakyoin has cherries on his shirt (keep in mind that the scene with child kakyoin is added in my DavidPro and is not technically canon). BUT, it doesn’t mean that he has to have everything cherry-related. It’s a seriously overused trait in fandom to the point that it just becomes annoying. Kak can have a coffee without it having to be cherry flavoured. Just remember that he canonically enjoys lots of different foods, and that he doesn’t need to exclusively eat cherries and cherry flavoured things. He probably likes to eat foods from all different cultures.
Video games: There is evidence to suggest that Kakyoin spends a LOT of time playing F-Mega, however, this doesn’t mean that his extreme knowledge of the tracks and mechanics applies to every video game in existence. He’s a teenager, with no friends in the 80’s, of course he’s going to spend time playing video games. But back in the 80s, people often only had one or two games, so it’s likely that he has simply replayed F-Mega a LOT, to the point of knowing it by heart. I know the levels of Mario 3 extremely well, simply because I played them over and over again as a kid. If you are fixated on a single game for extended periods of time (especially if it’s the only game you own), you are of course going to know the game well. Knowing a lot about a single game does not mean that he’s obsessed with video games, and does not necessarily mean that he’s a shut-in, and never goes outside.
Also keep in mind that he says that he’s “pretty good at video games”. He doesn’t claim to be great at them, and since we’ve already established that Kakyoin is quite blunt, it would be out of character to assume that he’s being humble here. He literally means that he’s just “pretty good” at them. No more, no less.
His real-world experience is vast, and it’s also mentioned that his parents take him many places on vacation. He’s been to a lot of places, and retains cultural knowledge. It’s not as if he’s read it in books: he’s actually been to these places before, and he mentions it frequently. This suggests that he gets out quite a bit, and also kind of suggests that maybe he isn’t quite the model student type in school.
Kakyoin doesn’t appear to be the honours student & straight A’s type. He doesn’t think twice about skipping out on his new school to travel to Egypt, and as I said before, his knowledge appears to come more from first-hand experience rather than school studies (and I bet he missed more than a few of his classes due to the trips that he and his parents took). He’s a know-it-all, but it doesn’t mean that he does well in school.
On the other hand, Jotaro IS a model student, despite his delinquent status. It’s more likely that Jotaro would be the one helping Kakyoin with his homework.
(He might disrespect his teachers, but he still gets good grades, and let’s not forget that he becomes a marine biologist later in life.)
Kakyoin’s profile also mentions that he “appears very effeminite”. This is another thing that is often misinterpreted. His appearence may be somewhat feminine, and he takes pride in how he looks, but his personality and mannerisms are not inherently feminine.
He hates being forced into submission, and this is the reason why he despises Dio so much. Dio took advantage of his vulnerability and the fact that Kak didn’t have any friends to use him as his pawn. He drew Kak in, made him feel wanted, needed, and then took control of his mind and body.
“He appears to be very effeminate. In reality, he despises submitting to people or sucking up to them.” - Taken directly from his canon personality description.
Another thing that people seem to miss is the fact that he’s extremely sadistic. He says himself that Heirophant “loves nothing more than to rip things to shreds” and that it might “drive him mad with joy”. He likes being in control of the situation, remember. He probably hates losing fights, as well (especially since he could be considered a weakling for losing).
Kakyoin also seems to like Baseball, judging by his profile naming a favourite team, and sumo, as we all know from his exchange with Jotaro.
One of the things that fandom does definitely get right, is Kakyoin being the mother hen of the group. He’s taken on the role of the responsible one, because Joseph is… far from being an adult. He’s strategic and thinks everything out logically, and so is the mature one of the group, especially after Avdol’s “death”. He appears to be content to follow Joseph, but when it’s needed, he steps up and becomes the leader in his place. This is seen when Jotaro, Joseph and Polnareff start physically fighting random men that they suspect are the one in the Wheel of Fortune car, to which he says that, “this is not a good idea,” and that it’s, “getting out of hand”. It’s also seen in the tower of grey fight where he mentions that it’s better that he fights on the plane, because he’s the least destructive of the bunch (even though he’s capable of blasting holes into clock towers, apparently his emerald splash isn’t destructive; okay Kak…).
He’s also fiercely protective of his friends, and extremely loyal as well. Kakyoin isn’t the type to abandon his friends in any circumstance.
He’s a CASANOVA. While Jotaro draws more unwanted attention from girls due to his bad boy façade, Kakyoin is slick and smooth with them, so much so that they notice him more over Jotaro. He’s quick to diffuse the situation when Jotaro pushes the girls aside (again, in the tower of grey arc), and it’s just… yes.
Just look at this. You can bet your ass he’s not the type to blush and stutter as he’s confessing. Straight up grabbing the girl and apologizing for Jotaro. Smooth as butter.
Here are some other scenes that might be able to explain his character a bit better as well:
Mouthing off to Joseph- Jotaro approves.
This line is wonderful. (Again, to Joseph? It’s almost like they have this kind of rivalry going on, haha)
Some really good insight to his character and motivations (And one of my favourite Jotakak moments).
The anime kind of makes this out to be a sort of “Kakyoin mocking Polnareff” scene, but in the manga he seems like he’s just stating what he heard. Pretty matter-of-fact about the whole situation.
I believe that this is the first moment that Kakyoin really realizes that he and any of his companions can die at any moment. Avdol has been shot, and he’s in complete shock. This is a normal teenager that’s now painfully aware of the danger he’s putting himself in to help out Jotaro and Joseph. Sure, he realized that he would be involved in fights, and a little blood would be shed for the greater good, but I don’t think he had realized up to this point that he might actually die.
And here’s Kakyoin’s character bio.
It’s also notable that he didn’t tell his parents where he was going prior to leaving. This doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s in bad standing with his parents (especially since his dying thoughts were of them), and could possibly be because he didn’t want to worry them, or something of the sort, but the fact remains that he didn’t tell them beforehand. Take from this what you will.
So yeah, this is what I get from Kakyoin. He’s kind, loyal to a fault, and deeply in love with Jotaro– and he’s a pretty complex character to write. Don’t feel like you need to take all of this into account, because it’s hard to keep his entire character intact with fanfiction. A lot of his personality comes across in facial expressions, so it’s sometimes difficult to translate that into non-visual media. Just refer back to canon if you aren’t sure of something, and you should be fine. Good luck!
*moves dusty old boxes out of the way* Whoa, an old record player. It looks like it's in working order too! *runs outside*
We're getting rid of all of poppop's stuff, right?
There's something you want, isn't there?
There's this old stereo record player in the attic.
What do you need a record player for?
My record collection.
I didn't even know they still made those things. Can't you just listen to music on your phone?
Dad, there's a big difference between listening to music digitally and on record.
Fine, I don't wanna get into it with you right now. You can take the record player. You just have to get someone else to take it to your place for you. My truck's full.
Thanks dad! *smooches dad on the cheek*
*later at hipster's apartment*
So, like Patch Adams ends with Patch Adams half-naked in front of a ton of people. I don't know if it was meant to be funny or like a weird sex thing, but like the movie was just a deeply disturbing character study. I can't stop thinking about it.
That sounds boring. *unlocks door to apartment* Ta-da! Here it is! My new record player!
New? Looks fucking old to me, dude.
Well, it is old. That's the appeal. And we're going to listen to the new Sufjan record on it.
Is that actually how you say Sufjan? Apparently, I've been pronouncing it wrong this whole time.
Well, you won't after this record. There's an entire track where he just says his name for four minutes. It's amazing. *plays records*
*coughs* Hello. Hello! Where am I? Doctor? Hello! Why is it so dark...............................Can I breathe? I can't breath. Oh god, I'm not breathing! Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god! I.....................................
Uh, that's not Sufjan.
It totally isn't. Is it some guest vocalist? I like the new direction he's going in. No instruments or singing, and long stretches of silence. Very experimental.
*stops record player* I think maybe we should do something else for now.
Fucking lame! I wanted to listen to more Sufjan.
*days later at the record store*
Yo, I think the Sufjan Stevens record I bought from here might be some kind of mispress.
Really? It's a pretty major album. I doubt there'd just be a mispress like that.
Yeah, but listen to it. It's not Sufjan at all. It's some girl talking.
*hipster and clerk listen to a completely normal Sufjan Stevens album together*
What are you talking about? This is definitely Sufjan Stevens.
Okay, but it wasn't like that when I listened to it at home! I even listened to it with my friend and he heard the same thing!
Maybe there's something wrong with your record player.
Hmm, maybe there is.
*back at the apartment*
*turns on record player and just listens*
...I'm awake again. Why did I black out? Did I even black out? God, I'm not breathing, but it doesn't matter. Why don't I need to breathe? Am I even alive?
Can you hear me?
Doctor. Doctor! DOCTOR! Why can't I move? Why can't I feel anything. Keep yourself together. It'll all make sense soon. Calm down. Just breathe deeply. Fuck, I can't breathe! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I CAN'T BREATHE! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! DOCTOR! HELP! HELP ME, PLEASE! I'M STUCK! I CAN'T MOVE! PLEASE HELP ME!
*turns off record player* It's just a recording, I bet. I can't believe I talked to it like an idiot... *nervously turns record player back on*
I blacked out again. I blacked out. For how long? Is there even time here? Hell. This is hell, right? Did I go to hell.........................................
*listens to the record player for hours*
Negative 6893 bottles of wine on the wall! Negative 6893 bottles of wine! Take one down, pass it around, Negative 6894 bottles of wine on the wall... fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! PLEASE SOMEONE HELP ME! AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
Soul of Christ, make me holy, Body of Christ, be my salvation. God, please forgive me. I'm sorry for all of my sins. Please free me. I'm so sorry. Please. Please. Please.
FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! SHITTY DOCTOR! FUCK YOU! LET ME OUT! LET ME OUT! *sobs intensely* FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK EVERYTHING! Please just let me go.
*nervously walks up to record player and lightly taps on it*
...A knock. A KNOCK! PLEASE HELP ME! I'M STUCK! PLEASE! *record player begins shake violently*
*backs away in fear*
HELP! HELP! HELP ME! PLEASE, IF SOMEONE'S THERE, HELP ME! HELP ME! I'M STUCK! GET ME OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!
*unplugs record player*
*gets hammer from the closet and begins to break apart record player*
W-What? *cracks front of record player open*
*rotting viscera falls from the record player*
O-Oh... *stuffs viscera back into the record player and duct tapes over it*
*turns record player back on*
...I can feel. It hurts. Why does it hurt now? Why does it hurt? Why? Why? Why? WHY!? WHY!? WHY!? *spurts blood through it speakers and begins to gurgle*
*hops forward* Please just let me go. Please... please. I'll do anything. I just want to see you again. I'm so sorry. This isn't what I asked for. I'm so sorry. *hops forward again and comes unplugged*
*tips over, bleeding heavily onto the carpet*
*silently cleans up the mess*
*some time later*
*calls dad* Hey, dad. Oh, nothing. Uh, I just need to borrow your truck, If not tonight sometime this week. I just need to get rid of something. No, no, that's fine, I can do it myself. Yeah, tomorrow morning is perfect. Thanks Love you too. Bye.
*the next afternoon*
So, what did you need to get rid of this morning?
Nothing important. Just some old junk... Dad, what kind of person was poppop?
Well, he was only the greatest man I've known in my life. Really caring, dedicated to his family. When you were born he loved you so much. He was a bit of a loner, though. It took a lot to get him to open up. Even around me and your grandmother. He was a bit like you. Always a huge music lover.
I see. Was he ever a doctor?
That's a weird thing to ask. Nope. He hated doctors. Didn't trust modern medicine one bit. It's ironic. His cancer probably wouldn't have gotten to him if he did. But, your poppop was always so stubborn.
Oh, okay then.
*some days later*
Yup, old one was ugly wasn't it. It was time for a change.
That's what I've been telling you! I'm glad you finally came to your senses. What happened to your record player, though?
That thing? I threw it away. It was busted.
That sucks. Are you gonna buy a new one?
But you won't have anything to play your records on.
Yeah, but I buy records because I want to support the artists. They're not really for listening. Besides, lossless is better. FLAC is the future.
So, what if Guz has a thing for chubby/over weight girls, but since he lives on a beach island, they're hard to come by, and completely falls head over heels for the new chick on the island. The grunt girls don't get it and think it's a joke so they pick on her and take her Galvantula after a few very difficult attempts. Guzma is furious and there's hell to pay but he's still a nervous faux confident dork when trying to return him to her.
I wanted to make this a little happier. so only one grunt makes fun of you. The other ones including Guzma just wanna smash. (and go out with you)
“Hmmmmooooooooh my god! Baby girl’s got it goin’ on wit that
booty eatin’ up them lil’ shorts!”
“Right?! Brah how the shit we gonna talk to baby girl? Gotta
think a somethin’ original. Somethin’ that’ll make her all hot ‘n bothered!”
The grunts had Guzma at “booty eatin’ up them lil’ shorts”,
which for various reasons got his attention and caused him to lean over the
decrepit railing a little further to hear what the two boys at the bottom of
the staircase were saying. Guzma was on the rebound. One of the girl grunts
with stringy pink hair hadn’t been wifey material. Too high strung for his
taste, and so skinny and obsessed with her looks that it had tired him out
trying to reassure her after a while. But when she hit him after he disagreed
with her that had been the final straw. So despite the tears and text messages
begging him to get back together with her, Guzma was on the lookout for another
piece of ass.
Shame he couldn’t find anyone to make it worthwhile. He
watched with a snarl on his face as the grunts below were gesticulating wildly,
talking about a “super cute shorty” that had been at the malasada shop in Malie
City. You were supposedly a new face compared to the same old locals they saw
day in and day out, had been feeding a dry malasada to your spider pokemon that
Guzma assumed was an Ariados until he heard:
“Nah man, that ain’t no weird Ariados like Boss Man got.” Said
one. “That’s a Galvantula.”
“Hoooooh boy, God been reading my dreams.” Moaned the other.
“The hell I gotta do to get a piece of that thick, strong Pokémon trainer ass?
I’d give anything for her to talk to me… Totally fucked it up when she looked
at me an’ I threw West side at her!”
“ ‘s one a them reflexes.” Replied the other, patting his
friend’s shoulder. “She come up to me wantin’ to know where the library was at ‘n
I fuckin’ axed her if she wanted to battle! Wiped the floor with my sorry ass
using like two bug Pokémon, but she put my money in her back pocket! Like to
think that’s kinda the same thing as touchin’ that juicy booty a hers.”
Now he was extremely interested. In fact Guzma was just
about to go downstairs and ask the boys where they’d last seen you when another
grunt, couldn’t have been more than thirteen, came running at them with a
rather cute little purse in the shape of a watermelon.
“Look guys!” he squeaked. “Got that ugly hoe’s Pokémon for
ya! It’s one a them spiders right? Wonder how much its worth. Stupid easy to
swipe from that dumb bitch when she went to pick up her napkin from under the
He began laughing. Thinking naively that he’d done good,
that he’d probably even be commended for his good work. In the middle of a
hearty laugh he was about to ask his brothers if he’d done good, when a large
hand swiped the bag from his hands before the two grunts could lay into him.
“Boss man?!” one of your admirers squeaked. Guzma looked
harshly at the young one with an expression that indicated he’d get a good
beating later for being cruel. He briefly asked the two where you were headed
to last, got two very shaky replies that he could find you in the library if he
hurried before it closed, and immediately was out the door stomping off into
Turns out he didn’t have to walk far. He found you
immediately in Ula’Ula Meadow, the only one there crying as though your heart was
about to break. A kind little girl was rubbing your back, trying to console you
by insisting together with her and her partner Oricorio you would all find your
“We’ll find your friends.” She said gently, rubbing your
back. “Galvantula aren’t common here. Someone’s bound to, oh! Please sir!”
She flagged Guzma down, running swiftly over to him.
“My friend… She can’t find her Pokemon! Someone took her bag
and everything when she was picking some trash off the floor. Have you seen a
bag that looks like a yellow and red watermelon? It’s got a Galvantula,
Dewpider, and a Fomantis!”
Guzma was so captivated when you looked over at him, eyes
widening in realization when you saw the bag that hung limply at his side. He
tried to hold it out to the lass in front of him, attempting to speak, but your
captivating glance rendered him mute.
“My bag!” you cried joyously, running towards him and taking
it gratefully. “You found my bag!”
“That’s your bag?” asked the other girl, stars in her eyes
as she looked at Guzma innocently. “Wow! Thank you so much sir! You have no
idea how much it means to her!”
Nothing came out of his mouth. His entire being was consumed
with the way you smiled, with the way you wrapped your chubby arms around him
and cuddled him in a hug. You were vastly tiny compared to him, but he couldn’t
help but understand what the grunts were talking about.
Every aspect of you was adorable, from your cute head with a
sunhat to your cute feet.
“…Welcome…” he muttered.
“I have to thank you somehow mister!” you insisted, still
holding him in a hug and looking up innocently. “Let me treat you to something?
You like malasadas? I can get you all the ones you want?”
He might’ve said yes, because the last thing he knew was
that he was tripping over his own two feet in his haste to follow you through
the meadow and off to town where you were going to treat him to a meal.
This must have been what winning the lottery felt like.
• dUN DA DA DA DUN DUN DUN EEEAAAUUUOUUU
• everyone clapped for SO LONG when anthony enters like damn
• brandon SLAYED as burr tonight
• anthony had SO MUCH ENERGY like SHIT SON this boy was TURNT
• i didn’t know just how uninterested burr is during my shot he liTERALLY READS A BOOK IN THE CORNER BAHAHAHAHAHAH
• brrRRRRAAHH brrRRRRAAHH
• thayne has a booty???
• my shot choreography is LIT AF
• there’s a cool transition between my shot and story of tonight and i really appreciate it
• oNE LAST ROUND GENTS
• okay WOW i understand why everyone ships lams so much now
• john and alex totally fucked that night and no one can convince me otherwise like even later during farmer refuted john be walkin funny boi got laaaaaaid
• at first when peggy enters she looks excited then she realize where she is and imMEDIATELY LOOKS SO DONE BAHAHAHAHAHAH
• eliza is literally just dragging peggy behind her the whole time wtf
• eVeRyOnE??? is here during this song i did NOT expect that
• hEED NOT THE R-
• LITERALLY poor sam tho he came out to have a good time and got so attacked rn
• the rest of the hamilsquad has to distract burr so he can’t stop alex and i LOVE THAT DETAIL
• aMERICA, ITS NOT ME ITS YOU
• the choreography for you’ll be back is not what i expected AT ALL and it’s EVEN BETTER
• the liGHTING HERE DAMN
• rip ensemble member
• hErE cOmEs ThE gEnErAl
• the liGHTING HERE DAMN (reprise)
• no wonder washington is so petty BURR JUST SHOWED UP UNANNOUNCED IN HIS TENT AND ASKED FOR A JOB
• “close the door on ur way out” OHHHHHHHH
• alternatively: “close the door on ur way out” “we’re in a tent sir”
• that end choreography looks hard damn
• cARLEIGH HEY
• hEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY HEY
• the lanterns are cool
• ANTHONY DABBED DURING HELPLESS
• MY HEART
• flower girl hercules mulligan is my spirit animal
• what if #2830404827: what if hamilton was a harem anime
• salty unrequited romance song (feat. sisterly bonds and shit)
• wOAH THE REWIND CHOREOGRAPHY IS JUST HOLY S H I T
• tHIS IS FUCKING AMAZING THO LIKE THE ANGELICA POV DAMN
• bUT NOW SHELL NEVER BE SATISFIED
• tHERES HOPE FOR OUR ASS AFTER ALL
• the “you are the worst burr” line is even funnier live bAHAHAHAHAHAH
• why do i feel like theodosia isn’t real like that story is pretty fishy to me i mean a pretty girl?? married to a British officer?? who we never see ever?? *puts on skepticals*
• wAIT FOR IT (that cheeseburger i ordered an hour ago, where the fuck is it??)
• wait for it is such a small number live AS IT SHOULD BE IT MAKES PERFECT SENSE
• PREACHA PREACHA PREACHA
• TEACH YA TEACH YA TEACH YA
• everyone hates that guy vol. 1
• CHARLES LEE ™
• yES KICK HIS ASS JOHN
• counting to ten with increasing energy and homoeroticism ™
• the sexual tension between john and charles in this is fucking INSANE
• WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS
• THIS IS LIKE HAMILTON’S VERSION OF “I DONT DANCE” FROM FUCKING HSM2
• of course john shoots him he’s fucking amazing
• LEE FLAT OUT YELPS WHEN HE GETS SHOT AND JUST FLOPS ON THE FLOOR AHAHAHAHAH
• eVERYBODY DO THE FLOP
• daddy issues vol.1
• dOnT cAlL mE sOn
• eliza sings about support and that’s about it
• bUNS and cHIPS and sEVERAL TYPES OF DIPS
• jk I can rap the whole thing
• bish u thot
• sICK JUMPS
• GET YER RIGHT HAND MAN BACK
• wait at least think about the letter you sending first tho
• i think you misspelled “right” dude
• daddy issues resolved song
• history has its eyeeeeeees ooooon-wait we have to fight a war fuck
• lets go win ourselves a war bitches
• monsieur hamilton MONSIEUR L A F A Y E T T E
• the CHOREOGRAPHY
• everyone claps at the end of the dance sequence AS THEY SHOULD
• that’s a big ass flag u sure that’s a handkerchief lafayette?
• dId YoU mIsS mE vol.1
• when he says “im so blue” he stamps his foot and the spotlight he’s in changes from red to blue bAHAHAHAHAH
• WELL GUESS WHAT?? YOU CANT GOVERN FOR SHIT AHAHAHAHHA
• “bye felicia” - king george III
• dear theodoge what 2 say 2 u
• the CHAIRS IN FRONT OF THEM MAKE IT LOOK LIKE THEYRE STANDING OVER CRIBS
• uH OH
• JOHN NO
• J O H N
• having to watch the rest of the hamilsquad reading the letter in the back does NOT MAKE ME FEEL ANY BETTER
• [through tears from last song] a-a…after the war i went back to n-new york
• this whole songs choreography is just WOWOWOWOWOWOWOOWWOOW
• eVERYONE IS HERE WOAH
• rUN TO THE BATHROOMS
• pICK UP THE HAMILTINI
• bUY A TSHIRT
• rUN BACK
• [JAZZ HANDS]
• oh damn the slaves are here
• S A L L Y H E M I N G S I S H E R E
• thomas we are engaged.
• seth is having WAYYYYYYY too much fun
• gonna just prance around here
• ITS THE RAP BATTLE
• THEY HAVE MICROPHONES
• JEFF DROPS THE MIC AND MADISON CATCHES IT BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA
• cabinet audience is unamused
• [PRANCES WILDLY] WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS YOU DO IN MONTICELLO
• i love that tjeffs is totally chill until alex insults mads and he immediately just is like NO ONE INSULTS MY BOYFRIEND
• exCUSE ME?!?????
• “that’s an order from your comman-i mean president”
• UN DEUX TROIS
• PHILIP MY BABY
• CAN YOU NOT DIE JUST THIS ONE SHOW
• ANTHONY WENT BALLISTIC WHEN HE SAID CINQ LIKE HE SUDDENLY WAS LIKE “un deux trois catre CIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINQ”
• oh please angelica your comma flirting is nothing compared to the shit alex and john exchanged
• my love interests are either upstate or dead therefore i shall have an affair and immediately regret it
• NOOOOOOO SIRRRR
• i like the lampposts they look nice
• I NEED TO BE AT THAT DINNER PARTY
• alex still looks shook from his affair at the beginning of room where it happens lmao
• PREVIOUSLY CLOSED, BROS
• OSHIT THAT TABLECLOTH JUST
• burr does some shit vol.1
• “daddys gonna find out any minute” [velociraptor screeching in background] “…..im sure he already knows”
• BURR BYE 👋
• DADDYS CALLING
• salt squad unite
• I LOVE THAT BURR JUST POPS UP OUT OF NOWHERE AND JEFF LOOKS SO SHOOK WHEN HE STARTS RANDOMLY SINGING
• wHICH I WROTE
• i dIDNT KNOW HE WASNT ONSTAGE UNTIL THAT LINE
• daddy issues vol.2
• im sorry but fucking what
• shut up and have a drink
• ALEX TAKES MULTIPLE SHOTS BEFORE WRITING THE ADDRESS AAHAHHAHAAHHA SAMEEEEEEEEE
• THAYNE IS WEARING A FANCY HAT
• [WEEPS] GEORGE WASHINGTONS GOING HOME
• dId YoU mIsS mE vol.2
• JOHN ADAMS FFFFFFFFFFF
• GEORGE STAYS ON AND MIMICS BURR AHAHHAHAHAH
• SIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER
• they all enter one by one and you can just see alex get more and more stressed out with each one that comes in
• IM GONNA JUST REVEAL MY AFFAIR FOR NO GOOD REASON TO MY ENEMIES WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG
• OH NO THAT WASNT A GOOD IDEA I NEED TO TELL THE WORLD FIRST
• OH NO THAT WASNT A GOOD IDEA EITHER FUCK
• oF COURSE SHES NOT HERE FOR YOU NUMBNUTS
• [is lowkey salty about congratulations not existing]
• the song sounds so serious on the album but the choreography makes it SO FUNNY HAHAHAHAHAHAH
• GEORGE IS HERE
• HOLY SHIT THERES ACTUAL FIRE IN BURN
• SHIT SON
• oh no
• OH NO
• O H N O
• [CRIES FOREVER]
• [CRIES SOME MORE]
• wait there’s an election fuck
• vOTE BURR BITCHES
• hE DIDNT VOTE BURR BITCHES
• OH NO
• O H N O
• THIS IS WHY YOU DONT THROW AWAY YOUR SHOT
Andrew Joseph Minyard doesn’t know a thing about Nathaniel Wesninski until he’s sent to kill him.
That’s perhaps more unusual than one would suspect, knowing Andrew. His general disinterest is well known, but he has a personal stake in knowing the movers and shakers of the magical families on the East Coast.
Know your enemies, and all that. Andrew didn’t used to have those, until he met Kevin Day and finally picked a side that wasn’t himself and his best interests. Now he kills people for righteousness, or what the fuck ever.
“The Wesninskis have a new leader,” Wymack tells them, hands folded on his desk like this is very serious news. “It’s Nathan’s kid, apparently. He’s cleaned house. Or it might be more accurate to say that he wiped the old circle off of the map entirely.”
Like he always does, Kevin goes pale at the mention of one of those families. Wymack flicks him a glance before continuing, “It’s not immediately clear where he stands on the old family alliances, but it makes sense for us to move now while he’s unsettled.”
Andrew can see where this is going already. “I didn’t realise we were killing off children now.”
Wymack shoots him a level look. “He’s twenty-two. Barely younger than you.”
“Well, I suppose that’s alright then,” Andrew replies agreeably. “When do I leave?”
“Hold on. Didn’t he kill his own father?” Nicky cuts in. “Shouldn’t that require a little more investigation than ‘when do I leave’?”
Dan waves a hand. “He’s a mage. Killer or not, he won’t be able to protect himself against non-magical weapons.”
“Don’t worry Nicky. I don’t like to be too well prepared,” Andrew says. It’s not meant to be soothing.
That’s how he ends up crawling through an upper-storey window of the Wesninski mansion, cursing mages and rusted locks. The house is probably warded - Andrew couldn’t say. To him it’s just like breaking into any other house.
What he does notice is the complete emptiness of the building. While mages don’t often have non-magical defence - and Andrew would be a lot less successful if they invested in some attack dogs, or even burglar alarms - they do generally at least have people. But every room he passes - soundlessly, of course - has its door flung wide open to display its total emptiness.
Every instinct he has is screaming. For a moment, he wonders if Wesninski has cleared out of the house entirely. But, despite the limited information for this trip, Andrew knows Wymack wouldn’t send him on a wild goose chase. The mage is here.
He creeps down the stairs, sticking close to the wall. It’s a broad staircase, gaudy even in the near-darkness. Apparently the elder Wesninski had more money than taste.
The lounge is no more elegant, and still empty of people. Beyond it, though, light falls from the doorway. Andrew creeps towards it, palming one of his knives.
Apparently, all his quiet was wasted. The person through the door is waiting for him - and this, having met Nathan, is definitely his son.
Twenty-two he may be, but Wesninski looks like a kid. With his fair falling into his face as he slouches against the kitchen island, he looks nothing like someone who could have killed Nathan and the entire rest of his circle in one fell swoop. Any tracery of magic in him isn’t detectable to Andrew though - for all he knows, the air could be singing with it.
The only giveaway that this man isn’t as normal as Andrew is the curling tattoo emerging over the collar of his t-shirt. It’s a mage-mark, and it’s large. Even Kevin, the most powerful of the Foxes in terms of sheer strength, doesn’t have one that extends so far across his skin.
“You’re AJ Minyard,” Wesninski says. He looks excited about that. Andrew didn’t realise he was a groupie. It’s the danger of being a contract killer - being known by your signature. Andrew is Andrew, except when he’s AJ and earning his keep in blood.
“Usually, your kind is throwing spells by now,” he replies blandly. Not that it ever helps them.
“That would be a waste of time, though. Wouldn’t it?” Wesninski says. “You’re immune.”
Well then. “You’re smarter than you look,” Andrew informs him.
“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out why you’re so successful,” Wesninski shrugs. “I need to send a message to Kevin.”
Wesninski isn’t following the script. Andrew glances at his watch - usually they’d have gotten past the initial failed attempt to blast Andrew off of the face of the earth with magic and moved onto either running - unusual, mages didn’t like to run - or begging. “Do I look like a messenger to you?”
That earns a thin smile. “Oh, I’m sorry. Is that demeaning?”
“If you think I’m here for that, then you’re confused,” Andrew says.
Wesninski throws his arms wide. “Well, go ahead then. You know I can’t fight you. And it’s not like I can run.”
Fuck’s sake, Andrew didn’t come here for a conversation. Still, though - he throws a glance at Wesninski’s legs. “Too lazy for it?”
“Not exactly. I know you probably don’t care for magical theory, so the short explanation is that right now I can’t leave this house. Hence wanting to speak with Kevin. The best I could do is hide in a closet, and I can’t imagine that would deter you.”
“As sob-stories go, you might want to try ‘but I have children and a wife’,” Andrew advises.
“As if that would help me.” Wesninski rolls his eyes. “That’s fine. I wasn’t expecting you to help me for free. I’ll give you something you want in exchange.”
Andrew really should have just killed him instead of saying a word. Corpses are so much less trouble. He raises an eyebrow to signal that his patience is wearing thin.
“If you want a chance at getting anywhere near Riko Moriyama, you’ll help me,” Wesninski says.
That’s an interesting offer. “What makes you think I care about that?”
“Do you think it isn’t common knowledge in the upper circles about what happened between him and Kevin?” Wesninski says. “Plus you’ve been working your way through all the high blood families over the last year. I figured a Moriyama must be right up there on your wish list. Particularly that one.”
He isn’t wrong. “I’m not here to make a deal with you.”
“Are you sure about that?” That smile again. It’s really a wonder someone so irritating hasn’t been killed already. “I have access to the Moriyamas now, whether they like it or not. I think you’d like to make use of that. Better move fast, though - you aren’t the only one who wants to kill me.”
Riko would already be dead if he were easier to get to. And Nathaniel now has his father’s seat on the council, even if he killed for it - succession is muddy and ugly amongst mages at the best of times. He’d hardly be the first to do it that way.
He’s right. Andrew could use that. Getting into Castle Evermore is difficult, and Nathaniel has a free pass through the front gates. If he could smuggle Andrew inside…if he were willing to do so…
“What’s in it for you?” Andrew asks.
“What, you mean besides you not murdering me tonight and me getting out of this fucking house?” So sardonic. “I don’t like the Moriyamas any more than you do, Wesninski blood or no. I don’t care if I die, as long as Riko goes first.”
It seems their interests all line up. Andrew can deal with Riko at last, and might even get a shot at the other Moriyamas in the process. He smiles a little bit, feeling his face cracking.
“Well, Nathaniel. Looks like you might be useful to me after all.”
Wesninski makes a face. “I go by ‘Nate’.”
“I really don’t care,” Andrew tells him. “I would say ‘wait here’, but I suppose that’s irrelevant, isn’t it? I’ll come to you.”
The with a message or a knife is unspoken but clearly implied. Nathaniel - Nate - smiles thinly.
“Better hurry,” he says. “Offer ends if I’m dead.”
okay, so I just watched the Death Note movie and damn that shit was
so im just going to compile some small notes about how bad and how much they fucked Death Note like fuck man
Please Note: there are going to be elements of spoilers in this list so if you are planning on watching Death Note (2017) be aware (but in all honesty please dont watch it just watch the 2006 Anime Adaptation I beg you, I am doing you a solid)
ok so first off, this shit is americanised so of course there is a buttload of whitewashing because if you didnt know Death Note is Japanese and set in Japan and the characters are Japanese - please.
Light Yagami is a good boy™ so like how dare you make this shitty bad boy - hes doing other peoples homework please no
the Death Note lands right next to him - um no the Death Note lands 10 feet away from Yagami and outside his classroom stop this
also it starts raining right after he picks up the Death Note - spoooky
white!light finds some bullys who are obviously over school age and so he pulls the child abuse card on them if they were to hit him - he gets decked anyway.
he gets caught with the homework and put into detention and oh no the light went out - creepy factor™ to the max - so spooked
oh yeah, did i mention that this film is rated an 18
so of course theres been swearing and cursing from everyone, even Light - sorry not my Light
best part of the film was white!light shitting himself when he see Ryuk like yes 10/10 A++ content would watch that scene again
white!light also slaps himself and i wanted him to do it more
theres more swearing, i mean i had to settle in for a wild ride with fucks and shits throughout this whole film, but like the anime was only a 15
also Willem Dafoe as Ryuks voice was pretty cool, had a nice ring to it but anyway
he goes to kill older bully because Ryuk says he wants to (obviously hes hesitant) but cant
legit words from the film “i dont have a pen” Ryuk pulls out a pen “well its good you have one” im yeLLING
he writes older bully guys name down but oh no, Ryuk tells him to write down how so guess what
HE CHOOSES DECAPITATION IM SERIOUS YALL THIS IS HIS FIRST KILL NO HESITATION JUST WRITES DOWN DECAPITATION LIKE WHO FUCKEN WROTE THIS
FUCKEN GORE TO THE MAX YOU SEE THIS GUYS HEAD BE FUCKEN RIPPED FROM HIS BODY BY A TRAGIC ACCIDENT LIKE FUCK
by this point i was already like #NotMyDeathNote i mean
dad is introduced, but where is mother and sister - ill tell you where - non existant (mum is dead and there was never any sister)
MORE SWEARING >:(
theres still apples tho and Ryuk still loves them
white!light reads the Death Note rules (well he actually skims them but okay)
comes across some scribble and sees a not “dont trust Ryuk”
HE PRONOUNCES IT RYE-UK NO LIE IM LIKE HOW THE FUCK DARE YOU NO ITS RYUK PRONOUNCED REE-UK FUCK YOU
its okay tho because Ryuk comes out and shuts him down with the correct pronunciation like yas bitch you tell him
ALSO LET ME LOOK AT MY MAIN MAN STOP PUTTING HIM IN THE DARKNESS LET ME SEE HIS FACE NOT JUST HIS EYES
Ryuk suggests shark attacks on the toilet as a not possible example of death - Ryuk i thought you were better than this
angry scribbling of names - damn white!light is mad
AND ANOTHER THING WHERE THE FUCK ARE THE HEART ATTACKS LIKE HE JUST KEPT SPECIFYING THE DEATHS - NO THIS IS NOT HOW IT WORKS YOU DONT NEED TO JUST KEEP WRITING THESE SHITTY DEATHS
you get one look at Ryuk and damn, my man you ugly im sorry they did you like that
okay back at school, watching the team practice and guess what
HES GOT THE DEATH NOTE AND HES READING IT IN THE OPEN IN PUBLIC - BITCH PUT IT THE FUCK AWAY
OH BUT WAIT A GIRL SEES HIM - SHE NOTICES IT AND IS LIKE “oo Death Note whats that” AND HES LIKE “nah its nothing™”
BUT IT GETS BETTER
HE TELLS HER ABOUT IT AND LETS HER READ IT AND SHOWS HER HOW IT WORKS LIKE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON - MY LIGHT WOULD NEVER DO THIS
I DONT EVEN KNOW WHO THIS CHICK IS BUT APPARENTLY HE DOES AND SHE KNOWS HIM SO IM LIKE WHAT THE FUCK THIS IS SO WRONG - WHO IS SHE?!?!?!
so new girl who im sure is supposed to be Misa Misa says to white!light “lets change the world together” and so these words obviously go straight to white!lights dick because theres sexual tension in the air
“can i kiss you?” “youre not suppose to ask”
she just fucken pins him to the wall shes making him her bitch and theyre kissing ugh my eyes hurt
cut back to school and they in class and they looking at each other like they fucked
then theres more kissing like fucking straight white movie romances am i right
theyre finding a name for the God who will rule the new world
of course its Kira like what else is it going to be
“Kira means light in celtic” and then quickly “also its similar to the word killer in Japanese” like damn bitch i wonder why you quickly said that - oh yeah because Death Note is actUALLY JAPANESE
im so fucjing done with this film
but now the death victims are leaving perfectly written Japanese messages on the walls like this doesnt mAKE UP FOR YOUR SHITTY WHITEWASHING
news time: white boy feels special for getting lots of praise and attention for killing bad guys
were suddenly in Japan in a night/strip club
hooded guy is introduced - hes speaks Japanese - finally we are saved by the Japanese guy who I assume is L
nope L is not Japanese just speaks it just like in the anime
white!light is suddenly angry as detective dad for getting on the Kira case like damn what is your damage
Watari is here but he is not cute and kind looking like in the anime, i am disappointed
white!lights dad talks to L on the laptop - but wheres the garbled voice???????
L is introdu–
L IS BLACK, I REPEAT L IS BLACK - ARREST THAT WHITE BOY BECOME POWERFUL WE ARE SAVED
“rest your glutes” - true words from L. a real line in a real fim
movie!L is just as good and cute as anime!L
nope wait, he actually appears in public himself instead of a decoy - im sorry but i cant have this - not my L
he might have had his face covered and hooded but still - not my L
WHITE!LIGHT IS RUDE - HE TALKS TO RYUK LIKE SHIT - TELLS HIM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP HOW DARE YOU I WOULD HAVE KILLED HIM FOR THAT ALONE
finally found out Misa Misa replacements name
some cops walked off a building
i kind of stopped taking as many notes by this point i was just not paying attention
“if you fuck this were not the good guys anymore” - what part of killing people, be they bad or not, makes you the good guys? NONE
L and Light meeting in a cafe
L becomes a cat and pushes shit off the table
“youre the one who flew into the sun, im just the one to make sure you actually burn” - yooOOOOOOO L rekt u
white!lights dad dares to be killed - Mia thinks about doing it but white!light stops her - she gets dumped
she begs for him back
she pulls out the i love you card
it works because of course it would and theyre kissing again - like fuck no bitch you tried to kill my dad get the fuck out
Watari is targeted, his name is written in the book - LEAVE HIM ALONE
apparently people can be spared by burning the page with their name on it, what kind of bullshit
L is angry, he is so smad
L GETS PINNED AGGRESSIVELY TO A TABLE UNHAND HIM YOU HEATHENS
but another fault that L doesnt really get mad, hes actually a cool cucumber im sorry not my L
homecoming dance - really
Mia gives white!light his outfit for it and also a hat with a note saying “i have it”
have what idk
Ls old kids home is creepy™
white!light is wEARING A TOPHAT TO THE HOMECOMING DANCE WHA THE FUCK
it was a decoy trick wow
oh no Wataris page is missing it cant be burned now, WATARI IS GOING TO DIE
Watari dies before he can give white!light Ls real name HA
Take my Breath Away by Berlin plays at the dance - beautiful
oh damn Mia actally outsmarts and FCUKS white!light - she wrote his name in the Death Note
nope wait shes going to burn the page to bring him back fucking
she still fucked him over tho
L is still smad, but now hes got a gun and hes stolen a cop car
theres a mangled L theme going on i swear
smashes through a “drive slow, drive safe” sign - good one L
L finds white!light and chases him on foot
L IS RUNNING I REPEAT L IS RUNNING
L IS DOWN AND OUT COLD IM
now white!light has the gun
news flash: white boy is having regrets but white girl is living it
OH DAMN HE FUCKED HER OVER BACK IM YELLING
theyre on a ferris wheel and then it collapses spontaneously
oh no white boy is having major regret about everything what a shame
bye Mia, bye white!light
oop Mia is dead
L is okay
white!light is in the water
some random sees the washed up Death Note and picks it up
white!light is in hospital - the random returns the Death Note to him
memories of dead girlfriend™
father just now realised that his son is Kira
WHITE BOY SET THE WHOLE FUCKING THING UP - HE TELLS HIS DAD EVERYTHING LIKE FUCK HE MIGHT BE WHITE BUT HE FUCKING SMART
L is still smad but now he had good hard evidence and proof of Kira
Ryuk is laughing and says that humans are interesting
and then get this
IT FUCING ENDS
WHITE!LIGHT LIVES HE FUCKING LIVES AND LIKE IM JUST LIKE THIS IS NOT RIGHT WHAT THE FUCK NO PUT IT RIGHT FUCKING KILL HIM YOU COWARDS AND LET L LIVE
but its okay because there are “funny bloopers” in the end credits
more mangled L theme
im now watching the original 2006 anime and all is well
aka my brain saw one theory concerning Forge and connected a bUTT TON of dots and i have no real substantial proof of this (yet) but also theres nothing currently proving me wrong so im wrITING IT DOWN SO I CAN YELL IF IM RIGHT
Apparently there's already some controversy regarding the new Sleepless Night video. Any thoughts? Do you think it's appropriate for others to speculate this video as a staged attempt at damage control (for Dan's liveshow I'm assuming)? Or is this getting out of hand and considered a breach in their privacy if this actually is a boundary they're trying to reestablish through the video?
here are my thoughts in summary:
1. it’s not a stretch by any means to imagine phil made this video as a response to the things that were spotted in dan’s live show. maybe not, it’s impossible for us to know, but it’s not unreasonable to think that, because a lot of the speculation was happening in their main tumblr tags and their twitter mentions, and we know they regularly check all of those.
2. if he did in fact make this video as a response to all of the theorizing then it does seem like they would like their sleeping situation and bedroom situation to remain ambiguous on face. that’s not anything new, that’s the way things have always been. what it does do, at least for me, is raise questions about whether the things dan let us see last tuesday weren’t meant to be seen. perhaps he truly made a mistake, and if that makes anyone feel anything but sad on their behalf idk what to tell you. dnp are fully at liberty to go to whatever lengths they need to maintain their privacy and protect what is important to them. i don’t view any amount of ‘staging’ or stretching of truths as being insincere or inauthentic when the objective is self-preservation and protection.
3. there is nothing wrong with speculating about phil’s reasoning in making this video. we’re people who watch phil and are utilizing the information he has given us and the information dan gave us last week to come to certain conclusions or at least discuss possible explanations for their behavior. that’s not immoral or invasive. it’s just discussion, it’s what keeps fandom going, it’s what keeps dnp in a job.
4. in fact i’d go so far as to say that all of the posts today about how dramatic and invasive the fandom is are a little unnecessary and over the top. there’s nothing new about people discussing dnp’s sleeping situation. bedgate has been a tag on my blog for months. it’s been a conversation over and over and over again since dnp have lived together. there was the tour bus last year, the australia ditl, the japan ditl the year before. phil himself weighed in on that last one. it’s a never-ending conversation (to the point that it’s almost boring lol). in the case of this week’s bedroom conversations, people were reacting to dan himself showing us things in his live show. it’s not like anyone was discussing information that was found through illicit means, nobody that i saw was empowering anyone to do anything shady. they were talking about things that were put out into the public by dan himself, whether mistakenly or intentionally. i think it’s unrealistic to expect everyone to pretend like they just didn’t see what dan let all of us see repeatedly? insofar as people’s discussions don’t dig up information that dnp have hidden or don’t want known, i don’t see how any of it is in any way invasive. like, idk. respect each other enough to realize that most ppl here have dnp’s best intentions in mind and that all of us to one degree or another spend a chunk of our lives thinking/speculating about what they’re up to. there’s litro no point in accusing a whole fandom that’s hundreds of thousands of people strong of partaking in toxic behaviors when the base logic there is that any discussion of their personal lives is an overstep and an intrusion. that’s just an untenable position,, it makes all of us guilty merely for having a passing curiosity about dnp’s real lives. instead of the accusatory posts and the anger, the ‘omg 2012 again!’ and the easy use of words like ‘toxic’ ‘disgusting’ etc., if you see someone doing some shit you think is out of line, just message them. tell them to untag things you think are breaching boundaries, have some conversations. i’ve done this like 10 times just in the last week. it has always worked. try it! ppl generally aren’t trying to make dnp feel pressured, not trying to force them to come out or any of these awful things. they may just not connect their own actions to these consequences, they might be ignorant of how dnp interact with tumblr, etc. etc.
5. all of this talk about the fandom’s invasiveness, in my opinion, undermines dnp’s power and control over these situations. no matter how much speculation fans and viewers partake in, dnp are ultimately the ones who have control over how they present themselves and no amount of talking on our blogs or yelling in caps lock on twitter takes that power away from them. they have the upper hand.
6. that doesn’t mean people should have free rein of course or that invasiveness in this fandom doesn’t exist. i just mean that i haven’t seen it much in this particular week, about this particular issue. but if this is a case of dan having made some mistakes or phandom being a lot more observant than he banked on, then dnp have a right to try and reset the narrative, as i stated above. a lot of the posts people have been making have been about how people shouldn’t talk about the bedrooms anymore, especially in the main tags, youtube comments, direct twitter mentions, etc. i agree with this. people can and will do what they want, ultimately, and as i said before dnp innately have the power in this situation, but i believe that to respect them as human beings is to respect the expectations that they directly or indirectly set for us. i believe phil’s video was a way of directly reinforcing that he would like to present their situation in this specific light, and if we respect him, then we respect that narrative. there should be nothing satisfying in catching them out in a “lie” because they’re not trying to fool us. they don’t take pleasure in misleading us. they’re just protecting themselves, protecting their privacy, protecting their ability to live freely and to separate their personal lives from their work, and i don’t know how anyone could argue that they don’t deserve to have that.
i feel like theres a lot of misconceptions when it comes to how people see/think polyamory is so like. here’s a small reminder for people who may or may not be polyamorous that:
a polyamorous relationship isn’t restricted to just a 3 person relationship
just because person A may be romantically involved with person B and C does not mean that person B and C must also be romantically involved
polyamory isn’t an exclusive right for someone to go get 3 new partners while being involved with one. all parties must consent and give a clear okay that the relationship is good to go. if one or more of your partners doesn’t feel comfortable with another partner being introduced to the relationship then that must be respected
there’s nothing wrong with acting differently with each partner! openly expressing affection to one partner but being more casual and friendly with another doesn’t mean you like the other any less
this one is obvious but communication!!!!! its super important!!!!!! communicate any problems, any doubts, any concerns!!!!!! don’t bottle it up just because you’re afraid of upsetting your other partners because your feelings matter too. everyone should be happy in/with the relationship and you shouldn’t sacrifice your happiness just to please your other partner
and most importantly, being in a poly relationship doesn't make you “selfish” or “greedy” or whatever else and it is not cheating. poly relationships are valid.
God this arc frustrates me to no end because i just CANT figure it out…!
Lets break it down… Theres multiple realities, our canon night vale and the 1983 night vale. Potentially more. We already know about our night vale, but what do we know about the 1983 reality?
Following that, episode 33- “Casettes” likely is also part of 1983. The movement Cecil kept noticing in that episode and the one in 106 “filings” are probably one in the same. Kind of.
Leonard Burton met a very very grisly fate, but it may be unrelated to the end of the world the tapes warned us about.
The end of the world
My proposal: nuclear bomb. Or something.
Cal seems to have radiation poisoning, similar to that of the victims who survived Hiroshima.
More subtly, look at the way Cecil spoke of the end of the world in “Best Of?”. He spoke with urgency, but as if it were too late. This end of the world was sprung suddenly on night vale, theres enough time for cecil to talk to his listeners one final time but not enough time to get to safety. It couldn’t be a slow apocalyptic situation that takes time to develop, such as zombies, and its not an instantaneous thing. Theres enough time before the end for cecil and the residents of night vale to live their last moments in despair and terror.
Bethany didn’t. Didn’t what? Survive? Many people didn’t that year. Meaning that some people DID. People such as Cal who are now terribly irradiated and absolutely dying.
Now for the third and fourth possible realities:
The miniature city under the desert flower bowling alley and arcade fun complex
having the same residents, all apparently unaware that they exist in a smaller version of the town above them, its not infeesable that our night vale is also a miniature unaware of the larger, identical town housing them.
a vague yet menacing government agency steals the miniature cities buildings, perhaps a similar thing is happening with the disappearing buildings in night vale, probably not, but its a fun notion to humor.
Normal Night Vale
A normal town where everything is normal and nothing weird happens ever.
this is mostly inspired by the fact that cecil referred to bethany in present tense, bethany doesnt exist in our night vale and has been dead and gone for who knows how long in 1983. Meaning the memory of her still existing isn’t in canon OR 1983, potentially pointing to another reality where shes still alive and well.
the same thing goes for danas father, that reality is good enough for dana to abandon her night vale, meaning its probably not an irradiated wasteland.
Theres likely infinite other timelines, carlos mentioning quantum physics and the multiverse and all. But these four are the notable ones.
Other notable things are the existence of huntokhar, the distant prince, and the woman from Italy all currently existing in or approaching night vale. These three characters are related to eachother somehow, im sure of it. Coincidences dont happen in night vale. But the question is how? And WHY?
Ive written theories about this before but ive always had a sneaking suspicion that night vale isnt real. Even in the podcasts own canon, i dont think it exists on the same plane as everything else. Cecil makes mentions to the rest of america and the government but doesn’t know common states, when night vale sent a distress call for help to the american government after valentines day the government didnt take them seriously. When looking at a map of america cecil said it was wrong, recognizable but wrong, showing that theres a clear disconnect between night vale and the rest of the country, neither quite knowing the other.
Time is strange in night vale. Carlos himself said that time doesnt work there. This is furthered by the professor at the university of what it is when she came in serve for carlos saying that hes been missing for DECADES. By that point carlos had only been in night vale for, what, three years? But nope. Hes been missing for DECADES.
Something, best shown in the book, is that its hard to leave night vale. It was said that it was hard to come and go in the podcast, but the book showed diane crayton trying and failing REPEATEDLY. She always ended up back in night vale even when she logically shouldnt have. What makes it so hard to find and leave?
Also the dog park. The dog park is the only way to easily leave night vale but still makes return very very difficult. Something we often forget is that carlos and dana are the exception, not the rule. Most people in the dog park are still unable to return to night vale.
So i propose that night vale isnt in the same plane of existence as the rest of the world. Not isolated nessecarily, the fictional countries cecil has gone to are on the same plane, but far away and inconvienient. Imagine night vale as an island of abnormality in the sea of our real world. The dog park is the most viable gateway between the reality where night vale exists and where night vale doesnt, the empty desert is where night vale WOULD stand but in this reality (our reality) its just an empty desert where no one decided to build a small town. Since portals between realities are much less common in the real world than in night vale it would make returning EXTREMELY difficult.
I think that maybe, just maybe, the woman from Italy, the distant prince, and huntokhar are trying to merge night vale with reality. That timelines are ripping apart and blending together becaude they NEED to be combined to assimilate into the real world. Night vale might be turning into a normal town, and those who refuse to escape to the new reality being presented to them will have their realities crumble around them. Perhaps THATS what happened to the miniature cities sky.
Dude the mom blackhat hc's are freaking awesome especially the PTA one, so I'm wondering what he would do if he was chaperoning a school field trip, like taking the kids to a zoo or a museum 😊
((So just for the record, I’m gonna try to go through my entire askbox now that finals are over, answering the pre-hiatus ones first. (Thank you for your patience.) on the other hand I’m gonna be stuck on mobile for about a week so please bear with me on any weird formatting or typos. It’s good to be back.))
“What do you mean you need another chaperone?!?” “Boss please Joey’s mom got sick at the last moment and there aren’t any other volunteers!” “FUCK that, I’m not spending my one chance to have the house to myself on a bus with disgusting children.”
“………Boss did I mention that we’re going to a museum”
“FLUG GET MY RANSACKING-SACK, WE’RE GOING LOOTING.”
congrats flug. on one hand, now the entire class gets to go to the museum. on the other hand, BH is going to pull a heist
BH shows up in his civilian dad disguise and forces himself through gross pleasantries with the other parents
“Why yes, Karen, this is a new hat. Thank you for noticing. No Louise, I’ll be happy to take your shift during lunch. It’s not a problem.” (really, it isnt. he has clones ready for this shit)
“…..helen.” “Mr. Trueba. How, lovely, to see you.” “Really, the honor is mine. It must have taken quite the necromancer to get you out of the crypt this morning.”
It’s honestly impressive how BH manages to not kill anyone on the bus ride there. especially when Dementia started singing “The Wheels On the Bus”
They get to the museum in one piece somehow and BH promptly tries to fuck off to do reconnaissance but. Nope. Apparently he has a group of children to lead. Fuck.
“Alright kids on your left you can see whatever the fuck this piece of shit is supposed to be. And on your left there’s a statue; that’s pretty cool I guess.”
“People actually PAY for this shit?? –Flug I have an idea holy fuck” “Please don’t tell me you’re gonna say ev–” “EVIL PAINTINGS!!” “…”
Dementia is literally wearing a child leash so that she doesn’t go run around breaking the expensive things in this museum. 5.0.5 is the one holding the leash. He’s a registered “therapy dog.” Dementia is holding 5.0.5’s leash. Symbiosis at its finest.
BH sneaks away during lunch, when he promptly makes use of all the intel he’s gained on the museum’s security systems, and casually steals half the art gallery.
He stores all the stolen art in his pocket’s pocket dimension. Gotta love using the void as a purse.
so the museum trip goes pretty well, all things considered. It’s the Zoo Incident that’s a disaster.
It starts off fine enough; 5.0.5 has a lovely time at the butterfly garden and Demencia has looted the gift shop.
BH spends a very long time staring at the squid and octopus exhibits with an odd expression on his face
But everything goes to shit once they get to the tiger exhibit. BH has been so well-behaved, he can’t just leave without having caused some mayhem. He has a reputation to uphold.
The victim he chooses is some student who has been tapping on the glass of the various enclosures since the start of the trip. BH can appreciate a good rule-breaker, but not a fucking annoying one. And little Sammy or whoever the fuck is taking the cake.
So, he does what any respectable person would do. One minute the kid’s yelling for the tiger to “stop being boring and come out of it’s den already”, the next moment he realizes he’s in the exhibit
BH (and the other students) laugh and watch him run around in circles from an excited-looking tiger. The security team get there before anything can happen, unfortunately. BH and the children collectively groan.
He gets yelled at later by Helen for “letting a kid get stuck in the tiger cage” but counters that with his own yell about how “a piece of shit brat like that deserved a smaller cage with more tigers.”
Needless to say, he’s banned from chaperoning. That’s fine. (It was his plan all along). Still, might as well pull one final trick for his last hurrah.
As the students make their way back to the busses, BH casually snaps his fingers. On cue, every single lock on the animal enclosures open at once.
“What was that?” “Oh, nothing. Probably. Let’s just get onto the bus. Now.”
1/3 i love your clexa writing and ive got a topic that isnt the nicest but im hoping youll still discuss it. lets not gloss over clarkes faults just cause shes the other half of our ship. we all know shes manipulative, cunning and stubborn. she has manipulated and used lexa more than once. i think these incidents all happened early on tho? so ok not so bad i guess? i dont like how she acted so hypocritically later on(killing Emerson), even tho she did come around. still, she went there. but my
biggest issue is when she proposed blood must not have blood. i have no doubt lexa made the choice cause its something shes always wanted as well. but did clarke fully know that? did clarke even consider the further risk to the grounders(more villages attacked) and to lexas very life this would bring? she seemed to be having a one track mind and only considering the well being of her people, not the grounders, not lexa. when titus out right tells her lexas life is at risk, she doesnt offer up anything. doesnt ask if theres anything that can be done to lessen the risk, doesnt propose a new compromise, doesnt seem concerned with anything other than making sure not one of her ppl are harmed. ‘including’(one must assume) the killers as well. it bothers me that she didnt seem too concerned with the risks this huge thing lexa was doing(cause she seemed shocked when lexa agreed, i dont think she knew how much lexa also wanted peace) was going to bring about upon lexa and her people
Ok um. I wouldn’t say she ever “used” Lexa. Tried to manipulate, yeah, but she never downright used her. And you’re right, the most memorable incidents happen early on, see Clarke’s bluff about being able to cure the Reapers, twisting and omitting certain events in regards to Anya’s death, trying (and failing) to convince Lexa to spare Finn. Clarke is good with words, she’s always been. She’s extremely clever and her power of persuasion is impressive. Think about all the characters she convinced to do something she wanted at least once by using the right words, from Bellamy to Nia the list could be endless.
You’re not the only one who has issues with how they handled “blood must not have blood”, so I’m not going to defend what happened 100%. But it’s pointless to criticize poor writing now, so I’m only going to focus on what we got in the show, not the what-ifs. Yes, Clarke definitely reflected on what to say to Lexa; as I said, she’s masterful at understanding what to say and how to say it depending on the circumstances. Her main concern when she first makes that proposition to Lexa is that her people survive. Clarke doesn’t want the people she loves and many other innocents to pay for the actions of a few. So she makes that shocking suggestion. But how shocking is it, really? How shocking is it for Lexa?
First, I want to focus on this brief exchange between Lexa and Indra. (x)
They are discussing about the best way to proceed, and as it’s clear from their grave voices and faces, the answer isn’t as simple as it appears. “In a day’s time we lay waste to Arkadia,” Lexa said right after finding out what happened. She was furious in that moment, and had the right to be. She found 300 of her people slaughtered for no reason, and Indra, one of her most trusted people, told her that Skaikru reject peace and demand land. So she calls for blood. But when her initial rage settles down and she starts thinking more logically about what her next move should be, we get this moment with Indra, and we see that she’s incredibly worried about what is supposed to be the obvious “solution” too. War. Because that’s not a simple solution at all, and the outcome is not at all certain. They have the numbers, sure, but Skaikru has guns. This never ending issue is even brought up again by Clarke in the latest ep of the show, when she’s negotiating with Roan.
It’s not as easy as it seems, Lexa knows that. That’s why she is so concerned. Not to mention that we have been told repeatedly in the show just how different Lexa is. It has been established that she is a visionary, that she doesn’t take joy in violence, that unlike her predecessors she doesn’t want war, she wants unity and peace.
Now, why am I saying all this? To show that Clarke’s proposition and Lexa’s subsequent decision don’t come out of the blue. Clarke doesn’t have to make her way in Lexa’s head and warp her thoughts: those thoughts are already there. I feel the need to bring up the script, because it makes what I’m trying to say even more evident.
See what I mean? Even if they come out on top, Lexa is well aware that there can be no winners in a clash of this kind. No matter who prevails, it will be a bloodbath anyway. And that’s when Clarke comes in. She gets there and suggests that Lexa changes things. Indra is quick to remind Clarke that blood must have blood, to which Clarke replies “Really? Because from where I stand the only way that ends is with everyone dead.” If you look at the script, that’s exactly what Lexa was thinking too, BEFORE Clarke said anything.
If we talk about attempts at manipulation, I actually would like to compare this scene to the conversation Clarke and Lexa have in 2x08, when Clarke is trying to convince Lexa to spare Finn. They start in a similar way.
LEXA: You bleed for nothing. You can’t stop this. CLARKE: No. Only you can.
LEXA: Tell us, Clarke. How does this end? Have you come up with a way to save your people yet again? CLARKE: No. Only you can do that.
Albeit extremely similar, note the difference there is already between these two exchanges. Yes, there is bitterness in Lexa’s voice, and maybe even the hint of sarcasm, but still, she is open to listening to what Clarke has to say, whereas in 2x08 she tells Clarke there’s no point in discussing (and bleeding). And then we get to the way Clarke tries to approach Lexa, which is strikingly different. (x)
Let’s focus on 2x08. Clarke goes for Lexa’s psyche. She takes that little information she received about Lexa, mixes it with her assumptions about how Grounders are, and she tries to use all that to influence Lexa and make her do what she wants, which is release Finn. What does she tell Lexa?
To give a proof of her power. She is flattering Lexa, telling her she is powerful, hoping Lexa will be more easily convinced if she appreciates her strength.
To show that she is merciful. She has already had proof of Lexa being a merciful person, and Lincoln confirmed it as well. So she shows Lexa she recognizes this characteristic that she has come to realize is important to Lexa, and encourages her to do something that will make other people consider her merciful too.
To not act like a savage. She’s telling Lexa that that’s how her people will see her if she does this, not as the merciful leader, but as a barbarian basically. She is telling her to prove them wrong.
Clarke’s words fall flat, though. She is trying to influence Lexa’s decision, yes, with a speech that sounds very much like Clarke is saying Lexa can elevate herself from the “status” of savage that the Sky People have applied to the majority of the grounders. It all sounds too much like Lexa has to prove something to the Sky People, like it is important that Lexa impresses them positively, almost like she has to prove the good guys that she isn’t a bad guy. But Lexa doesn’t care about impressing them, definitely doesn’t care about the Sky People considering her a bad guy or a savage. “We are what we are.” She sees what Clarke is trying to do and she doesn’t fall for it. It’s not accidental that when Clarke stops trying to manipulate her and instead uses more personal arguments, Lexa doesn’t shut her down as coldly as she did at first but instead replies to her, “But Finn is guilty […] Then he dies for you.” and eventually even lets Clarke say goodbye.
So here you have the failed attempt at manipulation. Instead let’s look at 3x05 now.
There is no beating around the bush here. Clarke tells it like is. Her people did something horrible. And Clarke doesn’t even think about trying to justify them. She’s past that mentality of Sky People being better than Grounders that was still in place in 2x08 (even if progress had been made already). Here, she knows her people are in the wrong and what they did was awful. So no, I don’t think that she is trying to manipulate Lexa, even if only because she knows that Lexa is right in wanting justice. Of course Clarke is not going to say “Go ahead, kill them all.” There are people she loves in Arkadia, people she knows have nothing to do with what Pike and his group did. She talks to Lexa, she suggests an alternative to war (which we already saw it’s not what Lexa wants) and she argues her position with powerful words, because we’ve seen that Clarke is very good at doing that. But it’s all in Lexa’s hands really. Clarke never tries to insinuate her thoughts into Lexa’s mind.
You know, I’m thinking about 2x08, about how Clarke told Lexa to prove herself, and I’m thinking about manipulation techniques. The events of Hakeldama take place a few days after Lexa bowed before Clarke and swore fealty to her. Now imagine if during her conversation with Lexa in 3x05, Clarke had said something like “Show me your words weren’t empty. Show me your vow is real.”
THAT would have been a true attempt at manipulating Lexa. But it never happens. She doesn’t manipulate Lexa, she reasons with her. I think it’s important to notice that Clarke tried to reason with her people too in this same episode, and she failed. Her discussion with Bellamy was a complete disaster, and she couldn’t even get to Pike. Look at what she tells Lexa. (x)
Maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always considered this line right here pretty big. Clarke is placing her trust in Lexa here, she is trusting Lexa to do what her people didn’t, to be better than them. I don’t know, I’ve always found that a pretty huge deal. So no, I can’t really bring myself to say Clarke manipulated Lexa here.
As for what you said about not listening to Titus, I think it’s important to remember that their conversation takes place in 3x06, the episode that features the return of Emerson, who is the personification of Clarke’s demons. She is upset for the majority of the episode, she is so desperate to run away from what she did that she doesn’t think twice about agreeing with Titus that Emerson deserves death, basically going against everything she and Lexa discussed at the end of 3x05 and the beginning of 3x06. Is she being an hypocrite? Yes. And we’re supposed to see her as such, because we’re supposed to perceive how deeply her guilt is conditioning her. The narrative makes sure we see her hypocrisy, via Lexa’s words, “So blood must not have blood applies only when it is my people who bleed”, and Clarke’s reply to that sounds very much like a justification. So it’s not a surprise that she doesn’t listen to Titus when he comes talk to her in her room, she’s not in the right state of mind to do that. Also I would like to point out that this is Clarke’s face when Titus tells her Lexa’s life could be in danger. (x)
Even as upset as she is about Emerson, you can still see that she is worried for Lexa. Definitely not indifferent.
Also, I would advise reading this analysis by @spacewalkeravenreyes in regards to the connection between 3x06 and 3x12, the episode in which Clarke kills Emerson, but what she did wasn’t hypocritical. Her killing him doesn’t deny the importance of her sparing him in 3x06.
Anyway, this got far too long. TL;DR I don’t think Clarke manipulated Lexa with “Blood Must Not Have Blood”. Clarke is smart and cunning and yes, she can be manipulative too when she wants to, but she is not the devious, evil snake sometimes the fandom takes her for.
Lance continued to stare determinedly
at the door. Any moment now, he told himself, Keith is
going to break down that door, and get us out of here. We just have
to stay patient. What’s that thing Shiro always says to Keith to calm
him down? Patience yields focus.
“How’re you holding up?” Matt
asked again, looking over at Lance with concern.
“’M good,” Lance answered shortly.
Matt eyed him skeptically, but Lane couldn’t bring himself to say any
more. Talking had become a conscious effort, and a painful one.
Lance’s breath came out in short
gasps, and the wound had still not stopped bleeding. Granted,
the sword had stabbed straight through, but Lance had been applying
pressure ever since he woke up.
Still, without any proper medical
supplies, his efforts didn’t do much. Both Matt and Lance neglected
to address the slowly growing pool of blood under the blue paladin.
I find the letter at the foot of my bed when I wake
I don’t know exactly
how to say this
I’ve been sitting
here staring at the blank page for ten minutes
Why did you have
to be the Mage’s Heir?
I wish this
didn’t have to be so hard to say
Crowley, this is
together all this time and
Bet you thought I
I don’t hate you
I can’t even
explain what I
Why did we have
to be enemies?
I love you Simon
He finds me outside the dining hall, and when he
storms towards me I see the letter in his hand.
I brace myself.
“When did you even write this?” I begin.
looks taken aback. “What does that have
to do with anything?”
why did you have to write it today?”
April Fool’s Day, Snow,” he tells me, “or did you forget already?”
just it,” I say, my voice getting louder.
“Why would you write something like this on a day where it could be a
exactly that reason.”
what am I supposed to think?”
gives me a look. “Think whatever you
want, Snow,” he shrugs, “I’ve made my move, just focus on making yours.”
glare up at him a second longer. His
eyes are gray and deep and almost sad.
mouth is right there, and his lips
look soft like his hair.
wonder if he’s noticed where I’m looking.
I wonder if he’ll reach up…
I’ll have to reach down…
I’m even brave enough…
I’m not brave enough.
step back while I still can, before I’ve been staring at his mouth too long or
before one of us closes the distance.
wish I had some sort of parting phrase, something more eloquent than “fuck
you”, but I don’t.
turn and walk away, feeling his eyes bore into my back, feeling that same
magnetic tension I’d felt when I’d left him to cry away his own nightmares.
wait until I’m around the corner before I start running.
Maybe a love letter is a lame April Fool’s Day prank,
but when else am I supposed to tell him?
When else would he take it with a grain of salt?
he didn’t take it with a grain of salt, even today.
hope it makes him hate me. I hope he
burns it in front of me. I hope he makes
me burn it with my own fire.
wish he would just break my heart and leave it at that.
the only thing worse than knowing he hates me is not knowing.
I could have kissed him.
I wanted to kiss him.
outside when I run out of breath and I lean against an ivy-covered wall before
pulling my phone out of my pocket and dialing Penny’s number.
Simon, what’s up?”
squeeze my eyes shut. “You’ve got to
almost kissed Baz.”
I find Simon sitting on the ground against a wall, and
the grass is wet but I join him anyway and wait for him to speak.
wrong with me, Penny?”
shoot him a look. “Nothing’s wrong with you, Simon,” I assure him,
“you’re just scared.”
I hate him, right?”
you have to ask me, then you probably don’t.”
I must,” he insists, “I always have.”
is this even coming from?” I ask. He
hands me a folded slip of paper. A
letter, and even though it’s not signed, it’s clear who wrote it.
was on my bed this morning.”
do realize this is probably a prank, right?”
that’s just it,” he sits forward urgently, “I can’t tell.”
I tell him firmly, “if he does feel this way, then what better day to tell you
than on a day you might not realize it’s true?”
why wouldn’t he want me to realize?”
I don’t know,” I scoff, “maybe because you’ve been mortal enemies your whole
life and he’s supposed to kill you and it would be bad enough if he thought you
hated him but even worse if you didn’t?”
doesn’t respond, weighing the possibility in his mind.
almost kissed whom?”
shakes his head. “I’m not really sure
you want to kiss him?”
a long moment before he gives the slightest of nods. “Why would I want that, Penny?”
a hand on his knee. “Oh, Si,” I murmur
sympathetically, “you know why.”
I only go to the room for a minute after lunch to grab
a jacket, but when I get there, there’s a note on my bed.
I love you too.
Of course I
do. How could I have doubted for a
second that I did?
I avoid him for the rest of the day, spending most of
it wandering the catacombs and when that gets boring, the Wavering Wood. I climb to the top of the highest tree I can
find and close my eyes, trying to remember how it felt yesterday.
know if I should be reading into the note or not, but that’s probably my own
fault. I did it to him, so he did it to
me, all on the one day of the year dedicated to practical jokes.
neither of us have actually said April
wait as long as I can to return to our room for the night, and by then it’s
dark already. Simon doesn’t appear to
have come up yet, but the window is open, so he must have been here since I
found his note.
stare at the window, something dark and long swoops through the outside air
venture closer, and it swings by again, but this time I see what it is. A dragon’s tail.
of me wants to yank it hard and send him tumbling (his wings would save him
anyway, no harm done), but I just poke my head out the window and find Simon on
the roof, his tail dangling over the edge.
in Merlin’s name are you doing up there?”
out I like high places,” he replies without looking at me. I should go back inside (I don’t have
anything else to say), but the sky is clear tonight and the moon is hitting his
curls in a new way and I could study them for hours.
are you looking at?” he asks when he catches me staring.
shake myself out of my trance. “Nothing,”
I say, ducking to retreat back in.
should come up.”
here, it’s a great view.”
can see just fine from here, Snow.”
but…” he trails off, still gazing out over the grounds, “I wanted to talk to
you about something.”
can come down if you want to talk to me.”
the fun in that?” He shoots me a shy
smile like he’s not sure if it’s allowed.
“Seriously, just get out here.”
peer over the windowsill to the moat. “I’ll
you won’t,” Simon scoffs, “I’ve seen you climb.”
won’t look at me again but I can tell he’s not going to take no for an answer.
look anywhere but down or at him as I scramble over the sill and up onto the
roof, not taking the offered hand but not slapping it away either as I might
have done yesterday.
almost-kiss and you’d think the world was turned upside-down.
settle into place beside him, anchoring my feet so I won’t slide down the
angled roof. It’s really not the most
comfortable position, and the night air is colder up here, but now that I’m here
I can see what he was talking about. The
Wood is like a quilt draped over the land and the hills roll like waves into
the distance. “Not a bad view,” I
would be a shame if I were to push you off the roof right now.”
should, just to prove him wrong.
Yesterday I might have.
haven’t we teamed up before?”
give a dark laugh. “It might have
something to do with being mortal enemies.”
that what we are?”
it’s no secret that the Old Families want me to kill you.”
why haven’t you?”
you getting impatient, Snow?”
had every opportunity, but even the times that you have legitimately tried, you’ve
ended up saving me.”
make a note to stop doing that.”
doubt we’d make a very good team, Snow,” I chuckle quietly.
looks genuinely curious. “Why not?”
think there has to be a certain level of trust in a team.”
raise an incredulous eyebrow at him. “I
sold you out to a goblin yesterday,
and now you trust me?”
seems that way.”
that’s the reason we wouldn’t make a good team, because of your horrible
just laughs. “You weren’t actually trying to kill me, and besides,
look how it turned out.”
mind jumps straight to the almost-kiss at the top of the tree and I’m suddenly
grateful for the darkness hiding my blush.
“What do you mean?”
killing that goblin,” he practically gushes, “that was incredible!”
shrug. “Goblins are stupid, it wasn’t
Imagine if we’d teamed up years ago, the Insidious Humdrum would be long
gone by now.”
boring our lives would be.”
wouldn’t have to be enemies.”
look down at my legs. “We’d still have
to be enemies.”
could be unlikely friends.”
glances at me carefully. “Maybe not,” he
agrees after a pause.
he could be alright with friends, but
I don’t know if I ever could.
Fuck the Families. Fuck the Mage. Fuck the roles we’ve been given and the parts
we have to play. Fuck it all. I just want you, Simon Snow.
did you have to write that letter today?”
know if I’m shivering from the cold or the question, or both. “I’ve already told you why.”
couldn’t you have written it tomorrow?”
cast him a sideways glance. “You know
that April Fool’s Day isn’t the one designated day of the year that I’m able to
lie to you, right? Saying it any other
day wouldn’t make it true.”
it were true,” he says slowly, “today
would be the perfect day to say it without the risk of being taken seriously,
shrug carefully. “I suppose.”
looks me right in the eye. “Did you mean
hold his gaze. “Why are you expecting
I trust you.”
right, I’d forgotten.”
doesn’t matter what I say,” I sigh, “you won’t believe me.” It’s the grave I’ve dug myself.
answer, just meet his eyes.
you ever consider,” he murmurs, “even for a moment, the possibility that your
letter would mean something to me?”
speak, I can’t.
that maybe my note wasn’t a prank?”
gulp. “The thought crossed my mind, but
it was too ridiculous to entertain.”
shifts fractionally closer but I can already feel the energy start to crackle
between us. “It’s not that ridiculous.”
are you saying?”
eyes are dark like indigo, his hair framed by the moon behind him. “I think…”
breathe as I wait for him to finish.
I don’t know if I can say it. Writing it down is one thing, but saying it
face-to-face, and this close…
eyes are silver, illuminated by the moon behind me.
“Do you know why I woke you from the nightmares?” he
says suddenly, and I want to slap him for changing the subject. (And then kiss his cheek.) (And then kiss his mouth.)
I was keeping you from your beauty rest?”
you were scared, and… it hurt me to
see you hurting like that.”
won’t look at me again, and I want to take his chin in my hand and make him
meet my eye, but I stay still and wait.
you had the nightmares,” he eventually continues, “you didn’t just say no a lot.”
already know where this is going. “What
else did I say?”
Figures. “I was afraid of that,” I nod.
ask what you were dreaming about?”
takes a long time for me to answer. “I
had to kill you.”
the thought brings tears to my eyes.
don’t have to…”
“Yes. I did.”
He’s silent as I take a ragged breath.
“That’s why it’s my worst nightmare.
I know I’ve been told all my life that I have to kill you, but if it
ever really came to it, I want to think that I’d be brave enough to
refuse. But in my nightmares, I always give in. Sometimes you kill me at the same time, and
then at least I know I won’t have to carry on living in a world without you…”
“After I woke
you,” he says a minute later, his voice getting quieter and quieter, “I hated
myself for what I’d done to you. I
wanted to comfort you, to hold you until you fell asleep again, but I was too
afraid. When I walked away, it was like
someone was ripping a piece out of me, and then I hated myself even more. I thought the feeling would go away, but it
didn’t.” He looks me in the eye, and he
looks terrified. “It still hasn’t.”
He’s only inches
away. There’s tears in his eyes to match
“I think…” Simon moves
even closer, “I think I meant what I wrote.”
My heart goes
quiet, but I’ve never felt more alive.
“I know,” I whisper, “that I meant what I
everything in me right now not to fall against him.
I don’t miss his
eyes as they flicker to my mouth and back up.
When he speaks it’s less than a breath.
He takes a handful
of my shirt and pulls me down to him.
Baz tastes like
citrus and wood smoke and I’m immediately lost in the scent. His mouth is softer than I could have imagined
and I want to be gentle, to move slowly, but I can’t stop myself from opening
his mouth with mine. I feel his sigh
vibrate against my chin as I deepen the kiss and oh, it’s not enough. I want
to hear every sound he has, to explore every inch of him, to stay here forever discovering. I know right now that I’ll never get enough.
Simon kisses me
like he’s starving, like he can’t get enough, yet he’s gentle. His mouth is slow and deep, and my hand is in
his curls before I even know what I’m doing, angling his head and moving slow,
like we have nothing but time. The tears
are spilling over from my eyes and I can feel the moisture of his own tears on
his cheeks, but we’re both kissing through our grins, giddy and desperate for
from him is like pulling the plug on life support, but he stays no more than a
“Are you shaking?”
“It’s cold up
here, Simon,” he murmurs back. “Not
everyone has an internal furnace like you apparently do.”
I grin and wrap
my wings around the two of us. “Call me
He presses a gentle
kiss to my mouth. “Simon,” he breathes,
and I can’t stop myself from pulling him in again.
Baz keeps whispering
my name between kisses, and I keep falling more and more in love with him.
Thor: Ragnarok [Fix-it Canon AU] - Jane Foster is worthy
While on Earth, Thor is attacked. His hammer is destroyed and he’s taken prisoner. But Mjolnir is no ordinary hammer. It’s capable of reassembling itself. But now, without Thor to wield it or Odin to command it, Mjolnir is free to choose its own Thor. And after years of spending time with mortals, there is one in particular it knows to be worthy. Mjolnir chooses none other than Jane Foster as the new Thor, Goddess of Thunder.
Jane is then transported to the gladiator’s arena where she finds Thor - who is now going by the name ‘Odinson’. When he sees her, he realizes his vision hadn’t been about Loki, as he suspected, but about Jane. Together, they escape back to Asgard where Jane has to fight for the right to keep Mjolnir. Odinson, disheartened by the loss of his hammer, decides to leave Asgard and travel the Nine Realms in search of redemption.
While on Asgard, Jane finds an unlikely ally in Loki. He seems bound and determined to ensure that she’s allowed to keep the hammer. Jane suspects he has some ulterior motives, but it’s still nice to have someone on her side. So she and Loki come to an uneasy truce, much like they did when he helped save her from the Aether.
But their alliance is put to the test when Hela invades Asgard. She is hellbent on revenge and will stop at nothing to punish Odin. Even if that means completely destroying Asgard. Jane and Loki barely make it out alive. After the loss of his home, Loki becomes depressed but Jane knows if they’re going to stand any chance of victory, she’s going to need his help.
Finally persuaded by Jane, Loki takes up arms against Hela and her forces. They are later joined by Odinson and those who escaped Asgard in time. Together, they manage to defeat Hela on another world. And somewhere along the way, between bickering and battling, Jane and Loki find that they have more to offer each other than just an alliance.
So you both go to Midtown– and you’re the same age (in this story anyway)
You’ve seen each other around school and across the room cause you have most of the same classes, but you don’t really KNOW each other and you’re not friends. it’s just “Oh yeah, it’s that F/N girl from calculus” and “Right, that’s that Parker kid who’s in my lit class.” BUT THAT’S IT, NOTHING ELSE.
I read the first book when i was like 13 or something. Thought it was amazing (its basically ragtag bunch of kids in a sci-fi/modern setting, genetic experiments, that kinda thing). But what is the Plot?? U got me coz there IS NO FUCKIN PLOT. at first it looked like there might be a coherant plot that the books were all gearing up to, but then it just carried on and on with barely any connection between books and James Patterson clearly took notes from Chris Carter, bc absolutely nothing made sense
who is the main villian? Fuck knows, each book introduces about 10 new ones, each bigger and badder than the one before. Previous villians are conviniently never mentioned again. The overall theme started as surviving in wake of the threat of the apocalypse but suddenly turned very green/must save the environment for a few books then went back to apocalypse??? I honestly can’t remember??
OH CONTINIUTY DOES NOT EXIST IN THIS SERIES one sec max’s hair is blond then brown then oH SHE GOT HIGHLIGHTS. one sec they dont have cellphones but the next they are texting each other??????? SUPERPOWERS JUST TURN UP AS THE PLOT DEMANDS IT (oh u can breathe under water now??? hMMMM HANDY)
ANGEL TURNS INTO A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH?!?!?! She’s SIX YRS OLD WHAT THE FUCK IM STILL FLIPPING TABLES
Theres no ending. Literally theres an “”‘ending"“” but did they die???? Are they in hell??? But apparently theres aNOTHER BOOK (this happened several times) and how the actual fuck coz arent they ded oH NO CANT KILL THE CASH COWS
we never mention the fiasco that is dylan
Who are max’s parents???? Fuck knows, at one point her mom is a tortoise lady. This kinda thing happens way too much, the books make a Dramatic Reveal, but then later go ‘haha jk u thought that was real, well here’s the ACTUAL DRAMATIC REVEAL’ and then just repeat that formula over and over again until you’re like ‘this doesn’t even make sense any more pls stop’
example, max also has an all-knowing Voice in her head (WHY????? PLOT REASONS???? AGAIN WHAT THE FUCK It IS THERE SOLELY TO DROP BOMBS AND BE CRYPTIC) but its “”””dramatically revealed”””” that the voice is this person, BUT NO ACTUALLY its that person what the fuck make up your mind
OH ALSO ALSO AT ONE POINT THEY TRY TO PULL THE WHOLE “IT WAS ALL A DREAM” TROPE AND MAX LOST THE USE OF HER ARM RIGHT AND HER ARM WAS MAGICALLY FIXED TO PROVE THAT IT WAS A DREAM BUT OH NO TURNS OUT IT WAAAAS ALL REAL, BUT MAX STILL. HAS. USE. OF. HER. ARM. AGAIN. BC?!?!?!?!??!!??!,!?!?
There’s these wolfy bad-guy henchmen and at one point they all get killed off. But then Patterson clearly regretted it bc they then all come back as robots????? ALSO did ari actually die?!??!?! i swear he died like 6 times, the fuck if i’ll ever know, basically nothing about these books make sense fUCK DAMN IT ALL I HATE THIS
So anyway. Despite all this, I read every book.
In answer, i actually did not know there was a netflix movie and i will probably still watch the fuck out of it, even if its terrible hahahahaha
“Joe, you’re so small buddy” Josh says as he scrolled through the group pictures on his phone that were taken last night.
“Yeah mate there is only one good picture where we all look relatively the same height but Jack and Oli already gone and posted that one” Caspar said as he double tapped the picture he had just mentioned.
“Hey you snooze you lose” Oli said from his position on the couch.
The boys had gone out last night and, as usual, had taken a few group pictures. Apparently the angles weren’t correct and in each picture the boys all towered over Joe, making him look smaller than he actually was.
You had your legs pulled into your chest as you sat on the couch next to your boyfriend who was also scrolling through the photos from last night. He had no readable expression on his face but you knew what he was feeling, you could read him like a book.
“Hows your new diet going by the way? Thought we’d see some results by now” Caspar said in his usual joking voice.
“Mate it doesn’t make me grow taller” Joe looked over at Caspar, giving him a weird look.
“I know, I just thought you would look bigger. I mean you’ve gotten a lot stronger but it doesn’t really show” He defended himself while the other boys laughed at Joe’s rebuttal.
“Looks like you’ll always be the smallest bud” Josh said looking up from his phone and over to Joe.
“Actually that would be Y/N. That’s why I’ve been keeping her around” Joe said sending a wink your way.
“She could do better” Josh remarked, something that had also been tossed around as a joke ever since you and Joe started dating.
“Oh cheers guys” You said rolling your eyes before getting up and heading into the kitchen.
“Alright mate,” Oli said with a yawn as he stretched his arms over his head, “I have videos that need to be edited and uploaded for tonight so I’m going to head out.”
“Yeah we should go too” Caspar said standing up and walking towards the door, Josh and Oli following close behind.
“Bye Y/N!” The boys all said as Joe followed them to the door.
“See you guys later” Joe said with a wave as he closed the door behind his friends and walked into the kitchen to find an unamused look at your face. “What?”
“I wish you wouldn’t let them do that”
“You know what Joe.” You said giving him a sad yet disappointed look.
“Y/N it’s fine. They’ve been doing that since the day we met them, its nothing now, just a good laugh.”
“Except its not, we both know that. Isn’t that why you started going to the gym more? You always tell people your trying to build muscle and the people who don’t know you like I do believe you. But I don’t because I know that theres more to your reasoning.”
You stood there watching your boyfriend shift on his feet as he took in your words. You’ve been together for 3 years and have seen him get so mad at himself at something he couldn’t physically change to the point where he wouldn’t even talk to you. You saw how the boys would tease him about his size and his height, everyone laughing knowing it was all just good fun, but you were the only one who saw Joe after everyone had left. He’s dealt with this for a majority of his life and it still got to him.
The first couple of weeks after he started working with his personal trainer were great but when the results didn’t come in quick enough, Joe got down on himself again making it harder for him to intake all the calories that he was suppose to, or he’d end up skipping the gym all together.
You made your way over to him when the silence lingered above you for way too long.
“Joe,” You said taking his his hands in yours. “I wish you actually meant what you said, that it was all just a laugh. And listen, your not small or short. Your actually quite tall, for me anyway, and you defiantly have grown since the first time we’ve met. You were perfect for me then and your perfect for me now. Besides, not really sure who you’re trying to impress, is there something or someone I should know about Sugg?” You questioned as you raised an eyebrow at him.
“No love, only you” he said pulling you in for a kiss before wrapping his arms tightly around you. “And you’re right, you’re always right but it does suck that it does still get to me but I can’t really help it. Maybe I should just find me some new friends, ones who are smaller and shorter than me”
You laughed into his shoulder. “You want to hang out with primary schoolers?”
“Hey! That wasn’t nice”
“Sorry, I had too” you said kissing his lips again.
Joe went to pull away but you leaned in closer, following his lips. You wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him closer to you once again while his hands moved down to your waist and your tongues danced around each others mouths.
“Why don’t you let me take care of you Joe, I’ll make you feel better” You pulled away and whispered in his ear. Joe’s lips tugged themselves into a small smirk before leading you up to the bedroom.
You two were tugging at each other’s shirts as soon you at stepped foot into the room. With your lips reconnected, you blindly fumbled with the button on his jeans. Once you had successfully undid the button, you pushed him back onto the bed and pulled his jeans and boxers down his legs.
“The boys may think you’re small, but your not” you said with a small smirk.
You waisted no time and quickly took his length in his hand, pumping it a few times as you watched Joe start to wither away at your touch. Slowly, you moved your mouth to his cock, licking a strip up the side before placing your lips over the tip, giving it a kiss.
“Y/N” Joe breathed out as he looked down at you.
You looked at him through your eyelashes as your lips made their way further down his cock. You sucked as you bobbed your head up and down, your hand working at the base of his cock.
Joe let his head fall back into the pillows as a low moan escaped his lips. You picked up the pace at which you were bobbing your head, occasionally stopping to swirl your tongue around the tip before returning back to your previous actions.
Joe reached a hand down to cup your chin, guiding your face up to his so he could smash his lips into yours once again. You pulled away after a while and quickly removed your own jean and panties before straddling Joe’s waist and reconnecting your lips.
Joe reached around your back and unclasped your bra, his massaging them in his hand before your bra even hit the grounds. With your lips still connected, Joe flipped the two of your over so your were now laying on your back.
“So much for letting me take care of you” You furrowed your eyebrows at Joe who only smirked in response.
“One day, I promise” Joe said before guiding himself into you, causing you to moan out slightly, your hand gripping the bed sheets.
Joe gave you a few moments to adjust before he started thrusting in and out of you as he gradually picked up the pace.
“Oh god” You moaned out, your grip on the sheets tightening.
Joe moved a hand down to your clit as he continued to thrust deeper into you.
“Fuck” he growled lowly as he felt your walls clench around him, making it harder for him to thrust into you.
“I’m close Joe” you moaned out as you hands moved to grip onto his shoulders.
“Just a little longer love” Joe said thrusting into you quicker as he too was getting close to his release.
“Joe!” You yelled out feeling your orgasm creep closer and closer until you couldn’t hold it back any longer, your juices spilling over Joe’s cock as he continued to thrust into you, milking out your high, until he came himself.
Joe pulled out of you and laid on the bed beside you, both your chests heaving up and down.
“Feel better?” You said rolling onto you side, watching the small smile form across his lips as he thought back to the conversation the two of you had before hand.
“Yeah, thanks. I’m sorry I let their comments get to me, I know they don’t mean it and thats the worse part”
“I’ll tell them to quit, they seem to listen to me the most” you said, the two of you laughing.
“Thanks love” Joe said rolling over on his side and giving you a quick kiss.