It’s scary when you question if it actually happened or not. That’s when you know it fucked you up so bad you tried to erase it without knowing. But you still feel the ache, the weight, the dirtiness of it all. And it never leaves.
I hate crying in front of people because my abusive mom always called me a drama queen and accused me of trying to manipulate her. When I can’t help but cry, I’m so ashamed. The tears, the shakiness, the trembling, feels so fake and staged even though I have no control over it. I can’t be comforted by other people anymore and it’s all her fault. I just want to be able to cry in someone’s arms without feeling like a monster.
No.1: GOE +2.71 (*) No.2: GOE +2.00 (**) No.3: GOE +2.14 (**) No.4: Single is the new quad No.5: “Sure I messed up but it doesn’t matter because I’m Yuzuru Hanyu” No.6: “I did a #yoloaxel out of an Ina Bauer the other week, how hard can it be to do one out of a hydroblade? ‘kay, turned out it’s pretty hard” No.7: “Watch me do this impossible thing and watch me sulk when it fails”
(*) Judges were drunk (**) Judges were hungover from fundraising parties for new prescription glasses
What these people seem to truly want is someone that they can completely bend to their will. That’s why cartoon characters are so appealing to them, and why they’re quick to disregard canon if it doesn’t coincide with their little fantasy world. Shipping disturbs them because they feel that either they’re being shipped (due to projecting themselves onto characters), or that they’re being rejected by those characters.
This is becoming psychologically fascinating and disturbing all at the same time. I wish I’d been able to continue pursuing forensic psychology…
i’m just… absolutely in love with my gayness. i love being a lesbian and i love prioritising women and i love that i never have to be with a man, i love that my standards of femininity or gender expression will never have anything to do with men, i love that i love women and i wouldn’t change it for the world.