“Well,” Augustus continued, “what I thought was serious, but the reality—I mean it’s not good either, but—” He sighed, beginning to pace the length of his bedroom. All this hedging wasn’t making any sense and he knew it. “This…this morning I went to check on my sister because she hadn’t gotten up for school. I figured she was still sleeping, so I knocked on her door, but she didn’t respond. I thought maybe she hadn’t heard my knocking and she hates missing class, so I went in there and she wasn’t…she wasn’t moving and there was this bottle of pills toppled over and—”
Isaac drew in
a sharp breath, which made Augustus inwardly cringe because it only reemphasized
how terrifying that moment had been.
“Yeah,” Gus continued before he could lose his nerve. “Um…turns out she hadn’t—well she’d taken a few extra sleeping pills, but not to—She’d had a bad night and wanted to sleep. I don’t know, but the whole thing keeps replaying in my head. And it doesn’t help that she’s been having a rough time lately. I’ve never seen her this down on herself. She’s been…hurting lately and I…I don’t know what to do,” Augustus concluded, immensely grateful that Isaac couldn’t see him as he hastily swiped his cheek with the palm of his hand.
“Sorry,” he added. “I don’t why I told you all that. I shouldn’t—”
“It’s oka—” Isaac began, but Augustus cut in again, vehemently shaking his head.
“No, it’s really not. It’s not okay because we haven’t talked like this in over five years and now I’m falling apart on you like a fucking idiot and—” Augustus stopped, looking heavenward with burning eyes and feeling wholly fed up with himself. “And if you’re having second thoughts now about trying to be friends again, I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest if you backed out now and left.”
“Augustus…. Why would I do that when I never wanted to leave you in the first place?”