it's nice when the internet remembers the awesome things you did

anonymous asked:

What were ur thoughts on Kent that ngozi agreed w!!

ok this is gonna be really long because it was basically the Best Day Of My Life, so. settle in kiddos.

(this is also very very heavily referenced from chat logs where I talked about this the day after it happened and a couple of posts I made / tags I wrote around that time. so even though all of this happened like four months ago, I think it’s still reasonably accurate. but obviously memories are flawed things etc)

  • so ok first of all ngozi is SO FUNNY AND NICE in person ahhhhh
  • I was wearing my kent parson jersey that I made!
    • …… but when I first saw her table, I got super overwhelmed and nervous so I like…… walked by really quickly without looking at her and just did a lap around the dealer’s room??? so I could calm down??? haha oh my god it was so awkward.
    • I was actually hoping she hadn’t seen me but apparently she DID because later I was talking to someone who’d been standing by her table when I walked by and APPARENTLY she whispered, “PARSE JERSEEEEYYYY” when she saw me omfg
  • but anyway she was super friendly right away and asked me if she could take pictures & wanted to know how I made my shirt / etc etc. we talked for a minute and then (of course) she asked me, “so, why do you like parse?”
  • and tbh…… I’m still not sure how I was this smooth but I immediately said, in a Very Diplomatic Voice, “I like characters who have a lot of room to grow.”
  • which made her laugh!!! she was like, “that’s refreshing!! that’s a really great answer!!! a lot of people are just like, ‘I like him because he’s an asshole!!‘”
    • WHICH SHE SAID MAKES HER REALLY SAD, GUYS.
    • …I think it makes her sad half because she doesn’t get why someone would like a character just because they’re mean, but also half because she doesn’t think of parse as an asshole? she didn’t clarify explicitly, though…. she just expressed that she’s sad and disappointed when people say stuff like that to her.

MORE under the cut oh god I’m sorry there’s a lot

Keep reading

A Wedding and Two Proposals

Chapter 3: The Second Proposal.

Chapter One ll Chapter Two ll Read on AO3

~

@OfficialLadybug

I’m banned from the internet for 24 hours! Chat Noir is planning a supurrise and I’m not allowed to know what it is. See ya later Luckybugs!

l

@Ladyblog
Replying to @OfficialLadybug

EXCUSE ME WHAT?! What does this MEAN?

l

@OfficialChatNoir
Replying to @Ladyblog and @OfficialLadybug

Glad you’re already on the case Ladyblog! Now that LB’s away, I need your help…

***

“The Ladyblog is down.”

Adrien leaned forwards, playfully wrestling Marinette’s phone from her. Her feet, clad in fluffy bed socks, pressed against his chest and pushed him backwards. They kept him at bay, at the foot of the bed, where he gave her his best Chat Noir pout possible. “Princess…”

“I know, I know,” she rolled her eyes with a sigh. “You do realise I’m one of those youths attached to the internet, moulded by it, like Bane in the darkness! It’s killing me not looking at stuff!” She levied a pout to rival his and Adrien almost caved then and there. But he couldn’t. There was too much at stake.

“Only little longer, Bugaboo. A few more hours and then you shall have your darling internet back,” he soothed, sliding up the duvet to cuddle by her side. The early afternoon light streamed in through the window, landing on the engagement ring and making it sparkle. He smiled, not remembering a time when he’d ever felt so at peace, on a lazy Saturday afternoon, with a clear schedule and an even clearer soul…

Even though the memory of Alya’s screams (of both delight and anger) still echoed in his mind. To say she’d been unamused at Adrien for hiding his proposal plans until the last minute was and understatement at best.

“You look happy,” Marinette replied, snuggling up to him a flopping her arm across his chest. He closed his eyes, leaning back against the headboard with a hum.

The nerves would come eventually. Not from her answer, of course. He knew she’d say yes again. There wasn’t a doubt in his head, like there had been the first time he proposed. No- this time it was the grand gesture which made butterflies flutter restlessly in his stomach.

God, he owed Alya so much for helping him set up what she called “the proposal to end all proposals- except for mine.” After all the screaming and hugging of course.

It was worth it though. Absolutely. To watch the way Marinette’s smile lit up the room, their secret glances over shoulders as they hugged well-wishers, and the way laughter filled whatever room the occupied was worth all the nerves, the cracked ribs from Alya’s embrace, and shoulders punched raw with congratulations. It was worth it, to know for sure that they were going to be married soon.

“I am,” he replied, tackling her into a tight embrace, delighting in her squeals as he pecked several kisses on her cheek, her neck and hair.

***

Keep reading

Daegu Survival Guide

So I am updating this post to include many of the new and exciting things in Colorful Daegu. Here we go!

Dear Epiker,

Congratulations you made it through the long process. This is a guide answering many of your questions about getting through your first month. This is real stuff. No fluff. And strictly from my own personal experiences and talking with my friends. 

Gifts for Principal etc.

Guess what!? You don’t have to bring gifts. What I would advise is waiting until your first paycheck and then buying a cake or basket of fruit for the lounge. It surprises them and its equal for everyone to share. Sometimes giving gifts can get complicated. You really won’t know how many co-teachers you will have…I have 6 plus other teachers I really like. So, just wait. Fruit or dessert is always nice. 

ARC- Alien Registration Card

If you’re from the USA, this is like your Social Security card. Keep it with you at all times. Or remember your number. This card allows you to get a cellphone and bank account. It takes between 7-10 business days to receive this card after you register a the immigration office. As soon as you arrive in Daegu, tell your co-teach that you want to head over to immigration. Rememebr to take your passport, contract, and a two photos (passprt sized). Now, I did not need my ARC to get a phone or bank account. I just needed proof that I registered for one. It depends on your co-teacher’s “connections”. When you want to buy train tickets to another city you will need this card. To buy concert tickets you will need this card. THIS CARD IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. 

Cellphone

Korea is the land of Samsung and LG, so you will be just fine. Just get a cellphone in Korea! The Arrival Store is too expensive (you can get most of that stuff here for a lot less). Bringing an unlocked phone may cost you too because you have to break your contract and pay money for that. And you get to pick your phone number!! Yippee!

Bank Account

If you are coming to Daegu, you will more than likely be banking with Daegu Bank. Here are some other banks: Nonghyup, KB, and KEB. All are pretty good, however, I have noticed that Nonghyup people have the VISA logo that we Daegu bank people don’t have. Which sucks, cause as you know can’t order from America or anywhere without the VISA logo.

Hours of operation are M-F 9-4:30. 24 hour ATM service. And make sure you get a check card…not just an ATM card. The gray/silver card is the card you want.

 AGAIN It does not have VISA or MASTERCARD on it…just fyi. You can pay bills at the ATM…choose English option…then transfer…choose the bank you want to transfer to (only Korean banks) put in the account number….then the amount…and confirm. DONE. You can set up money transfers to your home bank. make sure you ask your co-teacher for help with this while at the bank so that you understand fees involved. 

Your Apartment

Your landlord may not speak any English. So make sure your co-teacher gets the following information for you.

-How to turn on the air/heat

-How to use the washer

-How to turn on/off hot water

-Internet cost; if you have WiFi

-How bills should be paid

-When your bills will come

-How to contact the landlord if you need anything.

-Trash! how to get rid of it; where to put it. Trash is very different in Korea. You may need to separate it. Also ask where to buy trash bags and the food can. 

Transportation

I suggest downloading the Daegu Bus App on your smartphone or the Naver Daegu Bus App if your Korean is pretty good. Or just use good old Google Maps…type in destination and you’re set. 

Important: Banwaldong and Jungangro are the main downtown areas. We go clubbing here, meet with friends for dinner, go shopping, take Korean classes at the YMCA here. So much stuff here. You will probably spend 90% of your free time here. 

Subway~Daegu, as of right now, has two rail lines. The red and the green.  A blue is being added. You will need a bus card. There are many oprtion for a bus pass which are pictured below…the Yellow pass is the basic Daegu bus pass. The Toppass can be used anywhere…Seoul, Busan, and Daegu. I have not used it in other provinces yet,

There are machines to load the card in every station. Its the “Add Value Machine” Select English for your fist few times.  Some people use their bank cards as their bus card. You can ask for this at your bank when you sign up for an account…and please please please ask them how to load that card using a ATM. 

Buses~ A bit more complicated but remember RED BUSES ARE RAPIDBUSES (see the pic below)

…they get you to your destination a lot faster. And all of them go downtown. 

HEALTH

We get insurance!! Yay!! Ok so for those going to be living in Daegu, Hyosung Hospital is extremely foreigner friendly. Ms. Gu is awesome and there is no wait because hey we are a small population here. Hyosung is the best place especially for women. 

1. Hyosung Byung-won (효성 병원)  Suseong-gu

Ms. Gu: 053-766-7073

OBGYN: 9:00am-8:00pm / IM: 9:00am-6:00pm / PED: 9:00am-7:00pm

2. Fatima Byung-won (파티마 병원)

053-940-7520

9:00am-4:30pm

3. Keiymyung University Hospital

4. Yeungnam University Hospital

 Dentist: Dr. Kenneth Lee

 Banwaldong Station exit 12, KEB building, 7th floor

  053-256-7353

 Glasses/Contacts- Walk into any glasses store. They are everywhere!!!!! 

Bring medicines that you like from home. You may not find them here. Bring a month’s supply or more for until you can find what you need. There are pharmacies literally everywhere, so you can get basic pharmacy stuff.

Women: If you have certain feminine hygiene products or birth control that you use, bring at least 2-3 months supply to get you through until you find what you need. You will need a prescription from a Korean doctor for these pills if you plan to get them here.

FOOD

Shopping: Homeplus, Emart, Daebec Mart, Costco

Or local mom and pop places that will be around your neighborhood. 

Downtown has food galore!! Just be careful about what you eat. Sometimes things are not labeled so please know what you are allergic to. Every week my friends and I seem to find a new place to eat here are some of our favorites:

Traveler’s Bar & Grill $: All American Burgers, Fish and Chips, Vegetarian options, etc. Trivia Night here is awesome!

Seolbing/Korean Dessert Cafe

Mr. Pig $: All you can eat meat!!! Korean Style do-it-yourself BBQ

Little Italia $: Authentic Italian Food + Really Hot Chef

Tara $$$: Indian style Food

Ashley’s $$: Buffet style

Sharonis Resaturant $$: Buffet, Sushi, Pizza, All you need in the world. 

Pan-Asia $$: Food from all over Asia

I would advise you to pick up the monthly magazine “The Compass” for details about restaurants. It also has maps of downtown which you will need for probably your first eight months here. No, I’m serious.

CHEAP PLACES TO VISIT AND HANG OUT

Dalseong Park

Palgonsan Mountain

Apsan Mountain

Duryu Park

Suseong Lake and Park

Feb. 28 Joongang Memorial Park

Esiapolis


SPEAKING KOREAN

You can find survival Korean everywhere online…USE THEM! Know how to say hello, goodbye, and thank you. If you want to take Korean classes there are too many ways. One way is the YMCA. You can join language exchange groups too, one cf which is CulCom. Very easy to find on Facebook. 

REMEMBER, YOU ARE COMING TO KOREA! THIS IS REAL-LIFE NOT A KDRAMA!  

You will be dealing with people staring and touching you. People saying things that will not fly in the US, UK, South Africa, etc.  Be patient, you will find your footing. 

If there is anything you need to know, just ask. We all started at the same place, so we can all help each other. 

Tips for Fanfic Authors

I’ve been writing fanfics as ahiddenpath for over three years, and I wrote under a different pen name (which I shall not disclose for fear of causing irreparable damage to my dignity) from middle school through my first year of high school.  At the risk of sounding presumptuous, I’ve learned a few things during my time as a fanfic author, mostly by doing the wrong thing first.  

I wanted to distill those hard-earned lessons into a digestible list for new fanfic authors, or for battle-hardened word warriors who want to compare their experiences to mine.    

Please note that this advice is specifically for writing fanfiction.  It’s not general writing advice.

Keep reading

Through the Wire

Why not make a highschool!CC AU of them meeting through online messaging and e-mails. And let’s say they’re using secret identities. And for good measure a 1D song lyric as a title. ~3000 words. 

Chris couldn’t wait till the bell rang and he could get back home.

Usually, there wasn’t anything particularly amazing waiting for him back there, but it was certainly better than his shit-hole of a school.

Keep reading

New Interview with Thomas Youngblood

- Hi Thomas! Thank you for according this interview, all of us fans are so excited about the upcoming album and tour. Pre-orders for HAVEN have just started - all editions are beautiful! Kamelot always put so much care into their albums. Silverthorn editions already looked outstanding, but the HAVEN packages top it all again.

TY- Thanks! Our fans deserve the best. Stefan Heilemann did another killer cover and along with Gustavo Sazes the packaging and art is our best ever. It’s also great having presales, it really helps planning tours. Booking agents look at charts and go straight to the first week sales. So they are very important.

- HAVEN is the second album with Tommy, which also means second album with this composing team. How did it go?

It went great! The chemistry we have and working with Oliver and Tommy is really very natural and organic. Tommy had already written some musical ideas and he and Sascha worked a lot together again. Parts were written in Germany with Oliver, others with Tommy and Sascha. Also our good friend Bob Katsionis co-wrote some songs along one song with Angie Arsenault from Montreal. Tommy and Oliver used VST Connect [a program which allows artists to work together via the internet, from their respective studios] to work on songs, one in Germany the other in Sweden. Really cool.

- Did Tommy get involved in this second album’s composition process as much as (or more than) in Silverthorn?

Yes, he wrote tons of melodies, most of the lyrics and more. He got an ESP guitar last year and so I am getting some TommyRiffs now ;) We have one song idea that I thought was killer but didn’t get to record it. So I expect it to be on the next album.

- The vocal snippets we could hear from the videos sound amazing. Actually everything from the snippets sounds amazing! How’s the new album going to differ from the two previous albums, PFTP and Silverthorn, and why?

Well, we wanted to make an album with super diversity, dark, heavy and emotional and uplifting. I would urge fans to listen to the album from start to finish. There is a ton of information to absorb and you will not get all of it in one listen. I don’t like comparing to other albums, it has its own soul so to speak. One thing I can say, it’s full of melody and some really beautiful lyrics. We did some experimental things on a song or two with the new release. But don’t worry, no dubstep will be present!!!

- How would you describe Haven? How has the band’s sound evolved on this album?

We have some new elements that will please even the hardest Kamelot fan. We’ve worked like crazy on every element of the songs and album. My personal opinion is that the new album is a mix of modern, Fourth Legacy and Black Haloish. The guitar is a bit more present in the mix and we have some prog elements here and there. Really a big mix of Kamelot this time. You can’t play one song and base the whole album on it, it’s really diverse. Also, the ballad with Charlotte from Delain and Troy from Nightwish is a real killer. I hope we make a video of this one at some point.

- Haven… Why the title?

Haven was one of the first title options that popped up. We wanted an album for fans to get lost in, a place to go and feel safe and also relate to their own life scenarios. Once they listen and read the lyrics it will be clear as to what I am referencing. I had some Haven’s in my early life, albums that I would listen to at night and forget about my “not so happy” childhood. In hindsight those records probably saved me. I hope Haven has even a fraction of the impact those albums did on me.

- Guests on this album are Alissa White-Gluz (Arch Enemy), Charlotte Wessels (Delain) and Troy Donockley (Nightwish). Can you tell us more about these collaborations?

Well let me start with Alissa White-Gluz. She toured with us for a while and I remember to the day seeing her with her previous band and thinking, “This girl is amazing, she will and should be more known”. After getting the call from Arch Enemy, noone was happier or prouder than me. Anyway, we had some songs that fit her style perfect and she graciously accepted the invite. We toured with Delain a few times and I always felt like Charlotte had a unique and special voice, so when the song “Under Grey Skies” was written I asked her to join in, and she sounds awesome! Then there is Troy Donockley, this is one special and cool human. He has many skills that most people are not aware of, I am sworn to secrecy but we toured with Nightwish and I would see him occasionally watching the Kamelot set from side stage. When the idea came up for a folk style instrument I contacted Troy, and he offered his part on the Overton Low Whistle. One of the best Kamelot ballads in recent times is Under Grey Skies.

- Will we get a Single release prior to the new album?

We will be releasing a first video and possibly a digital single. We plan several videos on this release!

- This next Spring you’re embarquing for a big North American Tour in 2015, including 6 cities in Canada. Canadian fans are thrilled!

We have missed Western Canada in the past and now we have enough demand to visit the fine folks there. So we are very excited and the ticket sales are soaring. We hope to come back on another leg for Vancouver and Seattle areas.  

- So everybody’s wondering - How many songs from Haven will you play on this next World Tour? Any big changes to expect in the setlist?

Yes, we will be adding some new songs from the new album, also from Silverthorn as well as some songs from the backcatalog either never played or rarely played.  

- Support act is Dragonforce, why this choice?

At a recent NAMM Convention, I ran into Sam and Herman from DragonForce and we joked a bit about touring together. So when the idea came up again we thought it would be a great package for the fans. They are power metal and we have power metal with Symphonic elements. Different enough but also some cross over musical elements. I expect it to be a fun tour for all, maybe we can get Oliver on guitar and have a shred fest!

- Would you please consider doing a little mid-show acoustic session some time again in the future? That was really, really nice!

That was fun to do in Haarlem! We will see about that in the future, but we wanted to keep it intimate for that concert.  

- The N.A. Tour announcement mentioned “the biggest stage setup ever”…

We have bigger venues now, so we can bring a larger production for the US and Canadian fans. Something closer to the European shows.

- What are the rest of your tour plans for 2015?

Mexico, Big European Tour, Summer Festivals and some unique one offs concerts. 2016 is planned for South America, Australia, Asia and Mars! haha. London is sold out at the moment and we will play there before the Haven is released. So I hope we come back later in the year for another UK appearance after the album is out. We also added some new cities to the tour including 3 new cities in Finland.

- Are you still working on a live DVD featuring existing footage, or will it be recorded during the upcoming tour?

The DVD will happen, we just are waiting for the record companies to work out the legalities. As you may know I don’t like looking back, so it will likely be all new footage, interviews, backstage shenanigans etc.  

- Will we ever get a chance to see Kamelot live with an orchestra & choir?

I think this is something that has been done with several Symphonic bands. Will we do it? Maybe, if the situation is right and it can be done on the right scale.  

- You have such a large fan base now and still growing. What is it like for you guys to get more famous? How has it changed in just these last few years?

Well, let’s first thank the fans and their love for music and the spirit that emanates with Kamelot fans at the concerts and online.  The band is growing very fast now and it’s really awesome. Going to new countries like Australia for the first time and bigger venues around Europe and States makes us happy of course. We can do bigger productions and on the next tour change the setlist up quite a bit.

- A couple more personal questions now :) Who, or what are you most grateful for?

I’m grateful to be able to do what I love for my job, you know the saying? “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” So the fans are #1 in our hearts. Besides that I am grateful for family and health.

- A not-so-pleasant question, how do you feel about music piracy and music streaming systems. I always feel sorry when I see fans skipping presales, waiting to hear the whole album before buying it - or skipping any sales and downloading it from illegal sources. Sad thing is that they’re often hard fans who don’t realize that they’re harming their favorite band.  

Well, I love to give fans snippets of the album and trust that they have looked at the band’s record of deliverance. Presales are so important these days, as I mentioned before. Also, we have very limited vinyl and box sets that will never be made again. I have one box set saved for me, but beyond that they will not make any more. Regarding illegal downloads, this is a subject that really I don’t need to rehash. I don’t do it, never have. If I want a song for example or album, I go to Amazon or iTunes and download it. It’s a $1.20 or like $8 for an entire album. Why would I take the time and risk to go on a site and steal it? Thing is that real sales help with charts, which help with touring. If a band charts high in Germany for example, promoters are more inclined to bring the band to more cities. So each time you think “Please Kamelot, come play here!” ask yourself, “Did I buy the album? Did my friends buy it?”. The 2 things are directly connected.

- Is there a person - famous or not, alive or not - that you personally look up to?

Not specifically. I try to meet different people from different walks of life and talk to them about their experiences. Talking to older people is great, to learn what not to do in planning for the future and smart things to do to have a great and prosperous life. I really wish I would have known my father, Thomas Sr. better. I was very young when he died and really didn’t know him as a person, just this figure in the distant memory. I think that experience has made me a better father to lil Thomas, who by all accounts will be a killer singer ;) You all know that Oliver’s Vincent and Thomas will be in a band together?

- Looking forward to this! Haha. Well, thank you so much for your time. Any final words?

Thanks for the time and thanks to the fans. We are planning new shows, setlists, albums and more for the next round and we can’t be more excited.  "Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.“ (William Jennings Bryan).

Peace, love and Haven!

Thomas

Interview by Waënelin (with a few questions from fans)
Photos by Tim Tronckoe, Joe Helm
Album artwork by Stefan Heilemann

My Ace Story (Demisexuality)

econace submitted:

The first time I seriously considered whether or not I was asexual was when one of my university friends was talking to me about how I felt about love, sex and relationships. She was a sociology student and a politically active one at that. Its not until that moment when someone says to you, “have you ever thought that you might be asexual? It sounds like you might be.” That you force yourself to stop for moment.

                I’m an arrogant little sod in some ways. Despite a strong dislike for myself, one of the few things I have forced myself to respect, or even love about myself is my intelligence. I love knowing the answers before anyone else, being able to run circles around people in debates and like a champion chess player be so far ahead of a conversation in my mind that I’ve already thought up at least six different variations of how the conversation is going to go before someone has had the chance to finish speaking to me. Like I said, I’m an arrogant little sod who plays games to make himself feel clever. So I have to stress to you, that moment that she said that, I had no answer.

                I, like so many aces had gone my entire life thinking I was strange, broken, mentally scarred or ill and unable to connect to people like I should do. I was so used to hating myself for being broken that the notion that I wasn’t caught me so by surprise that it scared me.

                That moment of self-realisation is powerful beyond words, I know for some people its liberating, for others terrifying and to this day I still don’t know how it made me feel exactly. I was suddenly taken away from some strange comfort in the idea that I was broken and could be fixed, to a place where I was who I had always been and that meant a level of self-acceptance that I just wasn’t ready for and so I just pushed the issue aside in self-neglect.

                For some time, the label asexual was something that was just a word to me, a label that explained I was different and that people shouldn’t expect me to be like them, something that let me hide from society and from myself. It wasn’t until I told the person that became my best friend (B) that I was asexual and told them what it meant that things began to change for me (though in reality I blundered over the issue because I had neglected it so long, I neither truly understood asexuality or myself).

                It was later that B told me that they identified as Ace and everything changed. It was no longer just a label or another thing that made me different that I could just dislike about myself and do my best to ignore whilst I used it to hide from society’s judgements about being different. Now I had someone I cared for who I could help, who I could there for as they found themselves. And so, 18 months or so of complete inaction led me to the internet, to blogs and websites and online chats to find advice for my friend, and by ‘osmosis’, me.

                I knew I was Ace (too much pretending to have crushes in school because I thought I should, sorry Alyson Hannigan, though I thought you were an awesome Willow), I knew that I felt libido, but I also knew that I wanted to be around people, be close to them, hug them, talk to them, feel connected to them, but rarely in a sexual way.

                I was raised on Disney (and have some very irritatingly romantic parents), so the notion of romance was already a powerful influence on my life, so wanting a relationship (and a strong connection) before sex was something that I had always just meant I was “old fashioned”, I mean, I’m English after all right? But these new kinds of attraction, sensual, platonic, aesthetic, emotional, they were all very confusing to me. In a world that likes to bundle them all together in a nice little bundle and call it love, it can be very difficult to discern what you feel as a demisexual.

                Nowhere was this made clearer to me than with my girlfriend at the time (E). I knew I was Ace, I told her so (though I’m not sure she ever truly grasped what that meant) even whilst we were friends. In retrospect, knowing her as I do, I wonder if she ever truly wanted to be my friend or if she was trying to be my girlfriend from the beginning. I had been through some confusing and painful stuff by the time E came to me to repeatedly try and tell me she had feelings for me.

                I really cared for E, so I dated her, I tried to be the best boyfriend I could, getting angry with myself when I couldn’t always give her what she wanted. I just thought, ‘I have to be patient’, I have to let these feelings develop, maybe some part of me knew that I was lying to myself because they never did.

                They did however develop for someone else. My relationship with E fell apart as it was doomed to, but in the mean time I was already head over heels in love with B, my best friend throughout my time at university. Knowing what I know now about my demisexuality and my romantic orientation it seems obvious now, whereas my relationship with E had been filled with her constant dishonesty and attempts to pressure me into sex and other relationship aspects I simply wasn’t ready for, there was my best friend, caring for me regardless. She was wonderful beyond words and it breaks my heart to remember it.

                I can’t tell you how horrific the experience of being guilted into sex was unless you’ve already experienced it (and I very much hope you haven’t), I felt sick, disgusting. I closed my eyes and went somewhere else in my mind. As much as I know it was a horrible experience, I’m not proud of what I did (or where I went). Talking to one of my closest friends now, he was appalled that such a thing happened to me and more than once, but I had to try and be a good boyfriend right? I had to do it, because it made her happy…

Don’t misunderstand me, I cared for this girl a great deal and whereas there may have been a time where I could have been that intimate with her without so much difficulty, the constant lies, dishonesty, manipulation and lack of personal space killed any comfort I had by the end. If I had understood myself better and broken up with her sooner, the next part probably wouldn’t have been so painful.

I have never forgiven myself for falling in love with B. I know rationally it is not something I could control and I never sought to cheat on my girlfriend or be a bad person, but the guilt is still there and probably always will be. I got a lot of abuse from so many people whilst at university for being close to B, mostly from guys that were jealous of how beautiful she is (and believe me, she is so beautiful), but also eventually from other people in her life who don’t understand the many other levels of attraction or the importance of platonic relationships to me. No amount of pleading or reasoning, or attempting to show that prevailed in the end, I was just ‘some guy trying to get into her pants’ to them. It would be funny if it wasn’t so hurtful.

Yet the worst part of all was that as I helped her deal with so many personal issues and issues of self-identity along the way, it didn’t take much to figure out that she had some unresolved feelings towards her closest school friend. I tried to help her through those too (ouch).

Eventually there came a point where the I gave her the push to confront her friend (I was actually concerned for her friend’s emotional wellbeing at the time more than anything if I’m truthful). I won’t lie, up until the moment she chose her friend, some part of me desperately yearned for her to choose me instead (maybe it still does, I try not to think about it). But pushing her towards her friend was nothing towards a great sense of nobility or altruism. I’ve just seen enough and been through enough pain to not wish that on anyone if I could help it and if I had honestly though that B would choose me instead, I may have chosen differently. But no part of me wanted to cause either of them pain, no matter how horribly B’s girlfriend has treated me since, I still wouldn’t wish that on her and I couldn’t stand the idea of stealing B away no matter how happy I thought I could make her if she thought deep down she might want to be with someone else. Believe that or not, but it’s the truth. I have a very low regard for my own happiness compared to the people I care about (its not at all healthy).

It would all be a very sad story at this point as my friendship with B, owing to influences of all these people in her life (new girlfriend included now) who seemed to harbour a great resentment and distrust towards my motives. It would be a very deeply sad story if it wasn’t for my asexual friends I had made online by this point.

Again I have to tell you with perfect honesty, pushing B towards her now girlfriend and trying to stand by her as a friend is the single hardest and most painful thing I have ever done. It still hurts me even thinking about it. It had been seven years since I had felt anything like I had felt for her and that was towards the ‘then’ love of my life. After that relationship ended tragically, I never thought I would experience that kind of love in my life again and for a very long time I was right. I need you to understand how much B meant to me, so you can understand how much it hurt me to push her away for the sake of her own happiness.

The reason that matters is because of how far my Ace friends went to support me. You have to understand that I’ve been in love with B (because I probably still am) for three years and for nearly two years, they’ve all supported me. One friend in particular supported me on an almost daily basis on getting through it. I’m not proud of how hard that has been for me, or how much I spoke about it, but you should understand this Ace friend has not once turned their back on me or told me that they were sick of hearing about B. Not once. And for that alone, I love them more than words can say.

In the midst of a society that romanticises and sexualises everything, I can’t tell you how much it annoys me that platonic relationships like this are undersold in their importance. I’m not sure how I would have gotten through the last couple of years without them.

The truly hard part came when I learned this friend had gained feelings for me, more than I had feelings for them. I loved this person greatly, I still love this person, but I couldn’t give them the kind of relationship they wanted because I was still in love with B. Moreover, my relationship with E had taught me that no amount of waiting for those feelings to happen once in a relationship was going to work and so the two of us parted ways for a while.

This was a very dark period in my life. I hate myself for hurting them, immensely. I have hated myself and my sexuality every day for this and other reasons. You have to understand, objectively that this person is everything I could want in a partner and as much as issues like touch aversion may have made things difficult, it would have been amazing, if only I could feel the way I wanted to. I still squish this person (deep platonic attraction and bond) and I’m glad we were able to go back to being friends after some time apart.

During that time, I’m thankful that my other best friend A was around for me. A is an interesting person, she’s very beautiful, confident and outgoing and also hypersexual. We have many things in common and share a deep personal bond. For a lot of very good reasons her trust in the male species is at a very understandably low level, its been nice to be the one male person in her life to have never let her down, nor do I ever want to. In the mean time she’s been nothing but supportive and understanding of my needs. As you can imagine my mother wants me to marry her (I think her mother wants me to as well in fairness), but they don’t see or understand the issues of how we both feel about each other. If I were a heterosexual man, there is no doubt in my mind I would have pursued her by now and tried to be the perfect boyfriend that she always deserved, but I can’t give her that and watching her get hurt again and again by men that really don’t deserve her attention, all I can do is get angry and resentful at my sexuality again.

Having her and my asexual friends once again in my life made a huge difference to me and there’s no doubt I would be a much happier person (and actually able to celebrate obtaining my first class degree) were it not for the many horrible things that have befallen my family in the mean-time, or the fact that I am not coping well with now losing B from my life, probably forever.

Yet frustratingly it is more complicated still… I really am so very sick of this personal drama and all these feelings I have by this point. Before Christmas last year, my dad was very sick, it was very scary and upsetting because it threatened something that I had seen devour a family member before and it terrified me. In that time, two people really came to be there for me (since I couldn’t be around my ace friends at the time), my friends A and S.

S was the one person who was there for me when I really needed it. Her family had been through so many health issues that she’d seen this before. She’s a very special person, she has all the time in the world to take care of other people and no idea how amazing she really is. It genuinely irritates me greatly that most of the men I work with can’t see past her body and see that there is so much more to her than physical beauty.

We made plans to go see Star Wars at the cinema, it was going to be nice, I wanted to treat her for being such a great friend and being there for me when I really needed her. But she has some significant health issues and sometimes family life gets in the way (not to mention the fact that she’s just rubbish at messaging or texting me back). It did in this case so we never got to go, I was sad about it until I found out that she went to see it with another guy I know from work (he’s a self- confessed twat).

This made me very upset and I became unreasonably jealous. At this point I had the enormous “uh-oh” moment as I realised I had developed a crush on one of my friends. I knew this was bad, there are so many reasons for us not to date, there’s an age difference, distance issues, I could be going anywhere in the world to do my PhD at this point and only one reason to date, its S and she really is amazing.

Unfortunately there came a point where I was unable to hide my crush from her and despite my pleas to just be my friend and not worry about it, it caused a strain and I felt that she distanced herself from me, sometimes in quite painful ways. You have to understand I have been friends with this girl for two years and this is a relatively new development, not one I had planned for at all. I’m not sure I’m in the right place for a relationship, I’ve been through a lot, my sister is really sick and I’m not entirely over B, so having these feelings for S has made my life so much more complicated.

Not in the least when she chose another guy over me (it worries me that he’s not a particularly good guy though). This is recent and with my sister’s chances of survival deeply in question, I’ve been quite unnecessarily upset about everything. Rejection is hard, but we all deal with it, its just the personal circumstances in my life have made it much harder. More than that, as much as I’ve been trying to persuade S that this is not a big deal, it really is a bloody big deal. I haven’t been able to look at another person romantically for the last three years and the moment that I can, the person I have those feelings for has made me feel so many of horrible things I felt as I’ve slowly lost B from my life.

None of this is the fault of S, she does care about me a lot. She doesn’t want to see me get hurt, she’s told me so. I told her that no one can prevent that, but all that matters is that I have a friend at the end of this. But again, I don’t think she understands just how important these platonic relationships are to me, I just wish she wasn’t so afraid of that.

I feel like I can’t catch a break. In the last year or so, at least three women have told me that they harbour romantic feelings for me, a few more have hinted. They are all wonderful, amazing people that I would be privileged to call my girlfriend. Instead, I seem to be fixated on women that I can’t be with, who distance themselves from me rather than give the platonic relationships that I really crave in this situation.

I’ve often thought about queer platonic relationships in this situation, but as much as I need my squishes and their platonic relationships in my life, I also know that the romantic feelings are just as important to me and that much like being in a relationship with E, not having those feelings creates a large feeling of emptiness in my most intimate relationship.

It’s horrible when I think about it, being in a room with my one crush (incidentally it was A and S talking) and being told how much of a great boyfriend I would be, if it wasn’t for my sexuality… At the same time, my need for the romantic and the physical intimacy makes queer platonic relationships very difficult or impossible with any of my squishes as they are all to some extent averse to not only sex but also physical contact. Its hard enough to fight the urge to want to hug them when they’re suffering, but I can’t stand the idea that the things that I find most affectionate and comforting in a relationship are the same things that cause them the most discomfort.

Too ace for my Allo crush and not seemingly Ace enough for my asexual squishes, this feels like my ace legacy right now.

                 You could be forgiven for thinking that this is just a sad or a drama riddled story, perhaps unnecessarily, but in truth its not that at all. Bad things happen in life and as much as I’ve struggled with a lot of it (some of which I’m not proud of) the thing that has helped me most is understanding myself and surrounding myself with people who do understand me.

                I understand the struggle and the fear that comes with “coming out” to others, but had I not, I would not have the support I have now. Coming out in secret let me develop friendships with my ace friends online who support me every day. Coming out to my university friends let me help B and be there for her in a way that will have changed her life forever, and with it I have memories and experiences of a precious friendship that no one can take from me. Coming out at work has at least garnered the respect of most of the people I work with, allowing me to be platonically close and like an older brother to so many people I work with (a situation I treasure); and allowed me to be close to both A and S most of all.

                That being said, I still am not out to my parents, I still fear that moment where they say “no you’re not…” and I really can’t cope with that conversation right now. But to give my parents credit, they see me talking to so many “MOGAI” activists, to the point that I put on my application that I give advice on an asexuality blog which my mum read (she didn’t breathe a word). They likely know that there’s something there. It’s a challenge and maybe, unlike dealing with my childhood depression the new relationship I have with my parents means they will be more accepting, more likely to listen. I don’t know, that’s a challenge for another day.

                But the reasons I say these things, talk about coming out but not entirely, talk about accepting who I am but still hate myself and my sexuality much of the time, talk about unresolved issues and feelings… The reason I talk about all these things, is because much like you, this is my Ace story, my story of discovering, adapting to and accepting my sexuality, and I am nowhere near finished. My story isn’t done yet and neither is yours. This story is just getting started.

                I hope that somewhere in my indelicate ramblings you find something that helps you, I really do. I would not have written this at all if I had not hoped it could help someone else. But if you are to take anything away from this, please let it be that you are not alone, that there are people out there with struggles not unlike yours. Remember that accepting yourself can be the hardest thing in the world but there is a whole community out there ready to accept you for who you are. You are not broken and we are here, just waiting to be there for you, and that knowing we are not alone because you are there, means every bit as much to us as it does to you.

                Don’t ever be afraid of being yourself.

 -Rumple (another Demisexual)

What's it Like in New York City?

Klaine long distance relationship fic! Kurt and Blaine meet online,  and after two years of dating, they’re meeting!

~3900 words, pretty PG

read here on ao3

enjoy!!

3 months to go

@bowtieblaine: sooo…. my mom and I just bought our plane tickets to NYC. @kehummel here I come! ❤

4 retweets, 16 favorites

@kehummel: @bowtieblaine I’m about to run to the top of the Empire State Building and let all of NY know how excited I am! ❤

@bowtieblaine but seriously I must have ran and jumped around the loft for 5 minutes straight before answering ❤❤

@msrachelberry: @kehummel @bowtieblaine I can vouch for this. but I can also say I’m SO EXCITED to meet you too!!!!!

(3:45)

it’s really happening. we’re really gonna meet. ohmygod Kurt. I’m gonna cry

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30,000.

Well, hello, there.

My name is Grace. I’m sure you know that by now, as I sign off nearly every non-fact post with my name. But I always feel like it’s cool to introduce myself, because who am I to assume everybody knows my name?

I’m here to write that really long post I promised you. I’ve just hit 30,000 followers, and I feel like right now is a good time to give you this. I said I’d cover how the blog started, and now I am going to expand on that; who I was, where my life was, and a million other little things that just tied into the beautiful thing that you have made for me here.

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Spoilers! Arrow Season 2.5: Blood - Part 10: Gone

Spoiler stufff beneath if you haven’t already read Part 10: Gone

If you haven’t?  Seriously…

aka: I really like this series.

I honestly don’t think I’m about to spoil anything I haven’t already seen floating around online but just in case… {{{points to spoiler disclaimer at top}}}}

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hi yes hello this is my speed follow forever i do one every time i hit in the hundreds but this was some speed gaining and im kinda cryign bc i didnt expect it to come so fast who a im gonna have 2 do this sparingly but!! so many more friends came holy moly im :’) 

snazzy friends hello ((pls hmu))

asslord / bootyvibes / chemburleechurch-of-minho / crayonpoppunk / fuckyousunggyu / gaebara / goonhara / h0ejoon / himchan / hogays / hyadain / hyucake / inkyoo / jungcrocs / kimnogjog / koha-i / kolorau / little-jiyongs / lrritus / lvl21 / myalltimefavorite / oppa420 / oppas-eyeliner / parkjimbles / peperomint / rapmemester / sadhoya2001 / sangdont / sehuns-left-testicle / tsmwildturtle / tukut / tyleroppathecreator / vixxtoobomb / xehyun / xiumaine / yongguccimane / yungleean / yungnoona / z1c / zomqjessica

still cooler than me blogs ((and i re alize i follow a lot of fantakens n fyeahs this si gonna be hard))

boysjpeg / bvixxchyelo / crayonflopg-y-u / hnogbin / hoseokz / hyeok / infinitblaq / jddww / jelliedae / jiyeolie / kimseokjinksgyu / leopets / oppafightme / rapmonsters / iwatobi-gangtsentofficialvixxtoobomb / youngaje 

n last.. r my biases (ha ha its like writing valentine’s cards)

apogees - serena ur my favorite tao stan and ur selfies r so gr8 you r truly amazing
baekn0 - bethany ur a wonderful person and ur EYELINER HOW U DO THAT it’s awesome. ur awesome. 
baehwan - kay can take over a nation with her selfies its future life AND wife goals tbh i want to meet u someday
baldfather - cindy ur so adorable i would like a pocket sized cindy to make fun of on the go
chaerimming - ATHENA IS A GIANT MEME AND MAKES HORRIBLE JOKES but still A+ cute
chanyounot - i attempted justine’s leg thing n i almost broke my hip but justine is the cool n her leg thing is outta this world
choi-jae - kaede we’ve just started talking but ur just so cute ur probably cute irl what am i saying UR CUTE ALL AROUND
daddyong - nicole and I thirst follow buddies for LIFE
deepthoughtsbykanyewest - annie/kanye.,, we may not have kpop related url’s but we keep the game going B)
donutfetish - taylor ur the first internet friend that actually held a conversation with me at one point ur the coolest person bay area buddies forever
equilibris - tay is love. tay is life., love u tay
ewbangtan - michelle ur a beautiful person inside and outside and ur posts make me lauhg oh gogd u brighten my day everyday
feeleo - janie i will visit u up in the canada just wait for me. all 43 hours of it. 
floatlikeajellyfish - shreya u know 2 much about me… but our fear of wearing dresses outside the home is something wonderfully shared
hswagn - donte aHH ur so pretty n funny i remember when u though t my room was the kitchen i m still laughing about that
ivyclub - sef you ruined my 699 but that’s ok ur really funny and PRETTY GOD youre the coolest
jinkeu - kris you and i form the jhope protection squad aha can i say ur absolutely beautiful uR SELFIES!!! im unworthy 
jongisms - haley ur a gr8 person and a very cool person and so sweet fun fact spelling “blonde” describes females with blonde hair ive been using that to describe blonde kai what does that mean 
kimboobin - alice ur snaps are very worthy and very cool sorry i don’t reply to them a lot i’m a horrible replier
kimyugioh - aeleen i love ur snaps there’s an effort put into those that needs 2 be appreciated
luctor - ah ha whats up rox u meme lovin FUCK i love u
lulakkuma - fei. still dont knOW WHERE U AT
mosoli - alli i queued all ur potes to post on a v special day… wait for it
ninny-horse - natalie is a FASHIONABLE LADY natalie’s fashion sense is the goal
oppasassmilk - sarah ur tags r incredible and spicy and v graphic but still funny they make me smile
radboysehun - vanna u get super WILD at night and now i see shrek all i can think about is u mmM SORRY but ur so cool vanna super cool ;u;
sydsthename - sydney ur rockin rendition of nobody will make u famous
teurim - samantha um?? ur so pretty?? and u didn’t tell me?? ur humor is also making me smile i have the humor of an eleven year old
xiumania - penny ur the coolest and ur follow count is what i want in us dollars ur a very worthy person penny 
xiumeme - katie i cant believe u followed me i always like ur potes even when the baby exo fans come down on u ur hilarious 
xiuru - kira my fav suga stan i want 2 see u when i come down 2 LA we were so close the last time
zapdope - sydney ur my favorite pokemon and snsd stan i will tear u apart when we play cards against humanity again

ok i know FOR SURE i didnt miss anybody. unless i did. then im gonna slap my hand… n also… im literally less cool than all of u so if u stop by my inbox n say “hi” or “do it for the vine” then ur a friend automatically. 

im gonna b serious for a minute n say ive made more friends on here like record gaining of friends than i have ever gotten for the past 17 years… and that is so nice. like that is so cool. FRIENDS.., i was literally so happy that you started to follow me and then strike up a conversation or make jokes or even MENTION me. before i would just follow and admire you guys from here figuring out some way to talk to you without being weird lmao.„, but in the end I just started TALKING WITH YOU GUYS AS IF WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR A LONG TIME… truly amazing

thanks u guys for making this whole thing so much more fun c:

Sorry love, I think I just outed us

Word Count: 1 167

Genre: You tell me, I don’t even know :D

SummaryPhil’s at the grocery shop, Dan’s bored and decides to have a live show on YouNow. Phil comes back home, and something goes terribly right wrong.

A/N:What’s with me and the outing fics? Oh well…

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Nervous part 2

Requested
Don’t forget to send in requests!!

_____________
Music was so high in the club . After the Grammys, a friend of mine threw an afterparty in one of the biggest nightclub . The only thing i love about being invited to an afterparty that your drinks are free and music so awesome.

I was chilling with my friends drinking my 5th shot for the night when i saw Justin Bieber . He is so hot in reality and very friendly. I don’t know why when we bumped backstage i felt like he needed help , i did my best and he surely enjoyed it .

He was walking toward me with his friends . He was well known in the party as he almost greeted and man hugged everyone in the party . I gotta admit he has some good music .

“Hey there ” he said sitting next to me . While his friends made their way to my squad.
“Hi , you were really good at stage ”
“Without you I haven’t performed that good ”
I blushed remembering me staring at his tattoos while he was shirtless under me .

“Its okay .. I also get nervous when performing ”
“Yeah its kinda crazy , one mistake can destroy the whole thing ” he sighed , looking all sad .
“Do you wanna get some fresh air ?” He asked trying to less the tension in the air . I nodded and then went to the roof .

“You have a really nice voice ” he said .
“Oh thank you so much ” i said smiling .
“I actually love your song Pain it is the best actually , full of emotions and lyrics is awesome”
“Yeah it took me a lot to write it ..“i said remembering the motive to write this song . It was because of my famous heartbreaker.

"You write songs ?” I nodded, he looked impressed.
“Well you can come to my studio and we can make something together ”
“What?! The Justin Bieber wants to make a song with me ?!! ” i raised my voice in excitement. It is awesome!
“Yeah .. Your voice is beautiful.. You are beautiful so why not ” he chuckled then brought up his hand and touched my check with his hand . I closed my eyes leaning in his touch .
“I don’t know why there is strange attraction pulling me towards you ” he whispered going down , his breath fanning my red plump lips . I just want to crash my lips at his . He slowly leaned in and crashed his lips on mine . Our lips moving together wanting more , hands crawling up my back playing with my hair . My hands playing with the small hairs of his neck . We knew we wanted more .

________
Y/N and Justine Bieber dating ?!

After days if the Grammys Awards , a 2 minute video of both Y/N and Justin Bieber was on the internet . The video was a hot make out session with both of them although both of them were still recovering from heartbreak . People saw them 2 entering Justin’s hotel at night while holding hands and this was confirmed by guest of the hotel . The Sorry singer was seen the next day holding hands marching towards their studio . An insider says that both of them are writing a song which will be released next month with DJ Tay James .

___________________
Okay I don’t know if i should do part 3 or nah 😂. If you are asking part 3 will include the incredible success of the song “ Servant For Love ” - bc I already wrote a song for it ;) - and they will both make a music video for it . Tell me what you want ;)

Anyway tomorrow i will be posting an imagine called “ The Jungle ”

Tell me what you think !
Thank you for your support
‘NA💯

Link for part one : http://naglaali2002.tumblr.com/post/138361795359/nervous