it's like the universe is trying to cheer me up

newsies camp counselors au PART 4
  • aight listen up
  • you heard about the cabin counselors
  • you heard about jack, legendary permanent art shop resident
  • you heard about those meme fucker lifeguards spot and race
  • it’s time you learned about
  • THE KITCHEN STAFF
  • the kitchen is fucking wild
  • it’s run, as you know, by specs, whose life is relatively together for someone who has to be in charge of romeo for 12+ hours a day
  • specs is the official Kitchen Dad and his word is law
  • romeo has literally taken to banging whatever utensil he’s holding on the counter and saying “it is law” whenever specs says something
  • everyone fucking loves romeo by the way
  • he’s actually too young to be a counselor (by like a year) but they let him be one anyway because the guy can cook like no-one’s business
  • and he does is at SUPER SANIC HEGHOG SPEED. GOTTA GO FAST
  • he’s broken 2 blenders though
  • he put them on the 10 setting and everything went to hell. one of them sort of melted a little bit and the other one just fukin FLUNG the whisky bit across the room and right next to someone’s head
  • not everything can be as sanic heghog fast as you are, romeo
  • so since romeo is just a baby chillun
  • everyone thinks he’s all sweet and innocent
  • but you will soon learn
  • he is as any teenage boy is: THIRSTY AS A MOTHERFUCKER
  • thirsty, specifically, for a certain kitchen dad
  • actually the “daddy” thing doesn’t happen for a long time
  • it’s like their 6th week there
  • the 1st week was just romeo calling him “pa” and pretending to be a farming colonial-era family
  • this included wistfully looking out the screen door every half hour or so and monologuing about how he wanted to make it in the big city
  • follow your dreams, son
  • the 2nd week, he started talking in a british accent and calling specs “father”
  • that was a fun time. and by fun i mean no
  • the 3rd week, it was just a bunch of reverse dad jokes and romeo saying “okay, dad” really sarcastically to everything specs said
  • “hey romeo, can you get me a spoon”
  • *condescending voice* “okay, dad”
  • “romeo get your ass over here”
  • week 4: romeo got sick and couldn’t work in the kitchen
  • everyone was worried and it was all very sweet
  • specs has Special Kitchen Dad Privileges so he can go take care of romeo and hang out with him during the day instead of actually cooking
  • he’s sO FUSSY
  • he keeps asking romeo if he wants more blankets, nevermind that it is literally july
  • also he bakes romeo cookies because he knows the smol child cannot go a full day without a sugar crash nap at 8 pm
  • romeo is basically just a toddler, but slightly taller and a lot thirstier
  • what a babe
  • week 5 is the Best week
  • at this point romeo is totally into specs and totally aware of it
  • he likes to be very strongly in denial about his feelings but he is OVER THAT NOW
  • and he is gonna get that booty, mind you
  • cue innuendos at every second of the day
  • surprisingly sophisticated innuendos, for a shitty teenage boy
  • he actually quotes shakespeare at specs a couple times. the gayest shakespeare he can find (and that’s saying something)
  • it’s not until week 6 that he sees the hole in his plan
  • he forgot the best thing he could POSSIBLY do
  • so he makes sure specs FUKIN KNOWS that romeo is hella into him
  • romeo’s got it in the bag, he’s just waiting for the perfect opportunity
  • so one day specs is in a bad mood and romeo is trying to cheer him up (it isn’t working. it’s romeo)
  • specs is just shouting orders at the kitchen staff at this point
  • and he yells at romeo who’s like 2 feet away to go make something and NOT destroy the goddamn blender
  • and he literally just
  • “yes, daddy”
  • specs’s thoughts: why me; why this
  • (not now boner)
  • they may or may not bang on the counter when everyone else is at evening program
  • kinky bastards
  • i love them

Hah, so I got an e-mail reminding me that I have “unlimited storage” as part of my university account, and after the Great Hard Drive Failure Disaster I am all about backing stuff up multiple times, so I figured, hey, why not? Turns out “unlimited storage” still means “our cheerful and image-heavy user interface will weep when you try to feed it several million small files.”