it's like the trees are talking

actuallyjoshdun  asked:

Tree, glass, street (the first 3 things I saw)

GLASS

A perfume bottle Ella got me when she went to Egypt. It glistened like syrup and had a camel on it and it broke when we moved.
Panels with things behind them.
What things?
I don’t remember.
Mom loved watching the glass blower, but it was too hot for me to stand. My skin would sizzle and my eyes would flash like the sea.

TREES

I could talk to them. In the quiet.
There were some bad pipes under our yard
They killed them all
Before I could say goodbye.
Drawing on birch bark with charcoal. Having no idea what to say to these eyes in a cold so sharp your pores were red circles.
I called it honey but it tasted like forest and sunk into my teeth like a drill. Now I call it blood.

STREET

He put me in his lap and told me to drive. NO. I am SEVEN and I do not want to KILL someone
I am nineteen and I do not want to kill someone
Most people are very small and so am I
I try to walk but the ground gets worse each time
Ella lived on my street. I could walk there without breaking.

anonymous asked:

Are you even native American

Hello nosey nonnie.

Yes I am Native American, but I don’t look it. And no it’s not one of those my great grandmother was Cherokee. I am 2nd generation off the rez Tuscarora, Iroquois Turtle Clan.

This is me and my mother. Yes she is my birth mother, I just got very fucked over in the genes department. I swear I’m adopted but we have many photos of the birth and have several paternity and maternity tests to prove that I fell out of this woman’s vagina.

Here are some more pictures cause I’m pale and I honestly don’t think you believe me:

(My mom actually made every piece of jewelry I am wearing and hand beaded that vest as well).

And here’s pictures of the woman that I blame for my bad genes: My grandmother.

I get told I look like her all the time AND I HONESTLY DO NOT SEE IT, but because I get told I look like her all the time I BLAME HER.

On the left you see my grandpa (full blood native) in his headdress, on the right you see my cousin (also full blood), the great medicine man Mad Bear, here’s a book about him since you seem to be so nosey.

And in case you doubted me, here are a few pictures of me when my ma and I were on the powwow circuit.

This is me with my ma’s regalia (if you call it a costume I will shank you) because a) she had a bad leg day and couldn’t dance and b) mine was not ready and made and I JUST REALLY WANTED TO DANCE. (This is also the day I got burnt ON MY FUCKING HAIRLINE WHERE MY HAIR WAS PARTED. THAT FUCKING HURTS!)

Here’s me in my fancy dance shawl. There aren’t that many pictures of me because a) I fucking hated them b) it’s normally seen as disrespectful to take pictures of dancers out of the circle without their permission and my ma and I were always dancing at the same times AND I NEVER LET ANYONE TAKE MY PICTURE AT THIS TIME IN MY LIFE.

So yes, my family is a very rainbow family, I just happen to be the one WHITE passing one. No really…

Here’s me (in the middle if you can’t guess), Bebe and Audree. I like to call this the ABC Rainbow of the Printup family (because my first name is Cheyenne…..I swear our parents DID NOT PLAN THIS). 

And this is another pic of me and Audree YEARS later

Am I Native? Yes

Do I look traditionally Native? No

Does that mean I am not going to label myself as native? HELL TO THE FUCK NO.

Please reblog and share so that people can understand that there are white passing people of color. Yes even some that pass as white as me. We do exist and no that does not give you the right to basically white wash us. I am proud of my native roots and I will share everything and anything you want to know. The more educational resources we can get out there the better. DON’T BE AFRAID TO SHOOT ME AN ASK. I LOVE IT, but please do not be a dick like this one and phrase it so accusingly. Much appreciated, thank you!

okay so today in plant pathology lab we were hanging out and chilling yet again and my professor is like “hey the mycology team brought back another weird mushroom wanna see it” and i thought about the last time a mycology team member brought back a weird mushroom and we were like HELL YEAHHHHHHH so he took us back there and lo and behold

M E G A   B O Y

features: 
-mega boy is a perrenial fungus, you can tell because of the weird rings; these are formed by the same fungus growing over the old fungal structure with new mycelium year after year, leaving layers!

-is estimated to be about ten years old by the mycology team

-grew around a chain, which we can assume to be also super old because its in the thicker part of the mushroom and is also super rusty 

-chain is like straight up like 2-3 feet long????

-was in a tree/stump and they removed it

-is being dried and treated for use as a teaching specimen because MEGA CHAIN BOY

-is super heavy, probably because of the chain bbut also because HE MEGA??

-yea so mega boy thanks for coming to my ted talk

pidge: keith i have a gay problem and need the help of a gay who is more experienced

keith: ok. what is it?

pidge: i like this girl but there’s no way she likes me back and i dunno what to do about it

keith: nothing. absolutely nothing. you do nothing, and then you do your best to ignore it but it’s just eating at you and it’s so hard to pretend it’s not there so then you watch ten thousand heteronormative hallmark movies but eventually you start getting daydreams about how great your life would be if you actually were dating and how much fun you’d have doing the cheesiest coupley stuff and you aren’t even paying attention to the hallmark movies anymore they’re just lights and sounds in the background of your daydreams but we’re in space so you don’t even have the hallmark movies so you just go straight to the daydreams and you get this idea in your head that if you two date you’ll finally be a happy functional person and you won’t have any more problems ever and you know that’s not true but you still wanna believe it anyway and now the crush is getting bigger and bigger and you’re even more of a mess and you talk to your friend about it since he says he’s always there if you need someone to listen so you think that’ll help a little bit but it turns out it doesn’t because your friend is an asshole and says “well why don’t you just tell him?” but if i could tell him then this wouldn’t. be a problem, shiro!

keith: (breathing heavily)

pidge:

pidge:

pidge: actually i think i’m gonna go to lance

keith: …good plan.

a tale of trees and espionage

okay story time:

my professor (lovely man, married to our TA, 5'2", about as intimidating as a muffin) is a dendrologist by trade, so he studies trees. it was about three hours into our social sciences course, last lecture before exams, everyone was frazzled and exhausted, so he told us about his most exciting/in-depth research to date to cheer us up.

(the few of us who actually showed up were like “ok sir im sure its fascinating” but in our minds we were totally like its trees what. is. exciting. about trees. You might be wondering the same thing - the acorns? the leaves? the roots? BUT NO. IMMA FUCKIN TELL YA.)

ANYWAY we settle in, he had a few pictures loaded up from his field work (we were chuckling at this point…. ‘hehehe field work’ i giggled to my frend. its trees.) and began to tell his tale. it’s long, imma warn you, but……. god. just read it.

theres an species of tree called the cucumber tree (Magnolia acuminata, if ya wanna get all Latin-y). its super endangered, in our region there’s only ~280 that are registered by the government, yadda yadda yadda. my prof thought that was tragic (i know) but also strange, because when he was writing his thesis about local trees years ago, he kept coming across cucumber trees in really random places. we’re talking like backyards, independently-owned nurseries, etc. WHICH IS IMPOSSIBLE because, according to tree law (i know) it is very strictly protected by the government, and thus super “illegal to possess, transport, collect, buy or sell any part of a living or dead member of a listed species if it originates from wild sources.” essentially, the govt takes control over growing the trees and anyone who independently raises them is breaking the law (i know)

so he’d ask people “do you have a permit for these trees?” and they were like “uh no, it’s just a tree someone sold me, i think it looks nice, are you gonna arrest me?” so he’d be like “nah nah nah just tell me who sold it to you”

eventually, months/years later, someone did, and turns out it was like this underground sort-of illegal tree dealing club (i know). so my prof went, got a bit of funding from the government, who were getting pissed at independent cucumber tree numbers, and THIS IS WHERE IT GETS INTO THE GOOD SHIT I STG.

he infiltrates the tree trafficking organization. he buys a cucumber tree from an independent nursery, raises it for months, ensures he gets noticed by the traffickers, and then INFILTRATES it and convinces its leader to LET HIM JOIN. he has to pay like a steep entrance fee, which he does (and it blows my mind that the government of my country paid money to illegal tree dealers), but then he is given full access to records and maps because they think he’s one of them, not a SECRET AGENT.

now this part blows my mind because the tree lords don’t even have to try very hard to find cucumber trees because government agents MARK THE TREES AND DISTINCTLY TAG THEM SAYING THIS IS ENDANGERED DO NOT TOUCH. so, ya know…………. it’s a bit obvious. my prof hangs out with the members so much that he figures out their “hit spots”. these are where the trees are relatively secluded and unguarded. (he writes all this shit and numbers down for his research.)

BUT THATS NOT ENOUGH BECAUSE THE GOVT SAYS HES WASTING THEIR FUNDING IF HE DOESNT HAVE PROOF and they are willing to take LEGAL ACTION for misuse of funding (my prof doesn’t have the money nore time nor power to take them to court, which would also blow his cover). so my prof literally STAKES OUT a copse of cucumber trees at a recognized wildlife reserve for. DAYS. he camps there, and watches the trees, is about to give up, he’s going off an unreliable rumor from the traffickers that a harvester would be going there within the next week. finally, this guy comes and takes the cucumber tree seeds from the CLEARLY MARKED trees by the government, and my prof takes pictures (we are shown these pictures, most of us are speechless at this point). dozens of candid shots of a man my grandpa’s age with a grocery store bag, garden shears, and a ladder, clipping away the illegal seeds and then going on his merry fucking way.

so my prof has the proof, he’s been undercover for months now at this point, he writes up his report, gives it to the government who is like…….. “oh shit”, helps them draft up a new LESS COMPLETELY FUCKING OBVIOUS way of marking endangered trees (so that way non-tree-lovers wouldn’t damage them further, etc.), and then never returns to the tree traffickers. he’d given them a fake name, address, everything….. he disappears.

…there was a full minute of stunned silence from us students at this point, during which he grew more and more nervous (again, he’s a muffin) and all of us students are just like……. “whoa.” we asked him what happened to the remaining illegal cucumber trees & if he turned the tree dealers in to the government, and that is when he smiles a little bit and shows us the last few pictures. because here’s the kicker… he never turned the smugglers in. he burned all the data he collected, defied the government pressuring him to turn them in, and the only reason he’s not incarcerated is because his work is so prominent in certain circles now & universities love him, that there would be an uproar if he got arrested. he’s like a fucking anti-hero and then he tells us (i’ll never forget, it’s the most inspirational green-thumb thing in the world) “it may be 'illegal’, but those who risk their liberty to ~save the world~ should never be reprimanded, no matter what those in power say.”

we are all stunned. some of us are considering dendrology as a field we’d now be interested in pursuing. he clicks his slide one final time, before we leave our last lecture and, since he had an asthma attack (lil muffin) he didn’t attend our exam, so i never see him again…………

and there, on the slides, the last picture? THERE HE IS. in his own backyard. with his equally lovely TA wife. both grinning innocently, standing underneath a……. FUCKING. FULL GROWN. ILLEGAL. CUCUMBER TREE.

Working with Plants

1. Start your own Herbal. There are some great books out there, but recording your own experiences/uses/collected lore for herbs is invaluable. Draw, press or take photos of the plants you include. 

2. Learn about plants by seeing them with your own eyes. Visit botanical gardens, nurseries, garden centres and parks to see the plants in situ and (hopefully) correctly labelled. The human brain has an amazing memory for plants, it is a survival skill to be able to identify them. When you walk through a park or garden, notice the plants and identify those you know to re-establish this memory.

3. Grow things. Be as ambitious as your space, money and time allow. Collect plants that are hard to find, appeal to you and suit your climate. Go beyond culinary herbs. Be aware of where you plant things in the garden, both directionally and symbolically. Plants you have grown are constantly receiving offerings of your time, energy and resources and are therefore more likely to be willing to assist you.

4. Plants will die. Even the most experienced gardener will lose plants. Accept it. Don’t just buy a few seedlings and then decide you lack a green thumb because they all died. Some herbs are annuals, that means they only live for a season, some plants are deciduous, some will simply not be suited to your climate or area and fail to thrive. Be patient and persistent and become a student of gardening as well has herbcraft.

5. Work in depth with a particular herb or tree to discover its secrets. Read everything you can about it, research folklore and planetary correspondences, consume it raw, dried, as a tea and a tincture. Prepare a spagyric essence from it. Burn it as incense. Infuse oil with it. Grow it, talk to it, dream about it. Watch how it changes through the seasons, collect its seeds, smell its flowers. Do this until you know it inside out, and then begin again with another. 

6. Substituting herbs is tricky business. No, you can not replace all flowers with lavender or all herbs with rosemary. That is lazy nonsense. Put some actual effort into getting the herbs you need for a spell, and if you genuinely can’t acquire them find something botanically related, energetically similar or at very least ruled by the same planet.

7. Treat herbs and trees as spirits, with respect and humility. Ask before your take, leave offerings, communicate, bond with them and you will be rewarded with gifts and wisdom and powerful ingredients for your spells.

8. Poisonous herbs and strong entheogens are for advanced practitioners. Don’t just start growing or using them because you want to be taken seriously. Some of these plants are tricksters, they can be very seductive. They are quite capable of controlling you. Be wary.

9. When harvesting for magical use, think not only what the plant is but where it is growing. A tree on a university campus will have different properties to the same kind found in a graveyard. A herb growing at the crossroads is different to one found by a stream. 

10. Expand your learning and awareness beyond trees and herbs. Learn the lore of mosses, lichens, fungi and seaweeds. Parasitic and carnivorous plants. Get to know the plants that grow locally, even if they are far removed from those found in your books.

11. Check your sources when it comes to lore. If a book tells you lavender is good for love spells, question it. Try to discover where the information came from, look up the older herbals, read books of plant folklore, investigate planetary and elemental correspondences based on the nature and virtues of the plant, not just what Cunningham says. 

12. Develop relationships not only with individual trees and herbs, but with particular species. Plants can be spirit guides in the way that animals can. There is an oak tree, and then there is Oak. They can teach, guide and protect. Having a handful of plant allies you know intimately and fashioning your tools from their wood, planting them around your house and visiting them in the wild will make your connection to those spirits all the stronger.

Cat Got Your Tongue Pt. 1 (M)

Word Count: 5,463

Pairing: Taehyung x Reader

Genre: catboy!tae, comedy, fluff, eventual smut

Summary: When your boyfriend cheats on you you’re left heartbroken and lost all hope in relationships. Santa says you’ll find love soon, but what do you do when you’re beloved cat turns into a beautiful grown man?

Keep reading

I’ve only ever fallen in love twice: with big city and small town.
     I met big city at a bar (of course), and he offered to buy me a drink (of course), and then I didn’t see him for three whole months. That’s just how big city works. But when he called, I was young enough to think the nervous pit in my stomach meant something good. Big city was older than me, and richer than me, and had a white collar  job with a personal assistant. He liked to talk about important things like finances and politics and himself. But that was ok because big city was cool. He showed me all about the world, like smoking and fucking and staying out too late. Before I met him, I was small and shy. I had bangs. Big city liked that about me, he said. Liked that I was so much more than I seemed. And then, five weeks later, he told me he loved me, and I believed him.
     But big city was also fast and sharp and full of dark alleys where men in trench coats auctioned off black magic. Full of prettier people and power. I was only 19 at the time, just a kid, and big city took everything I had, chewed it up, and spat me back out on the concrete. He smiled with all of his teeth and told me we’d had a fun run. I went to therapy for weeks, and big city was engaged six months later to a woman with a loud mouth and no bangs.
     But I’ve fallen in love twice. 
     And small town came along just like big city, only many years later. He asked for my number at a bar and laughed too loud when I said no. I thought it was because he was cocky, but I found out later that he always laughs too loud when he's nervous. And God was he nervous. But I said no, and he laughed too loud, and then I didn’t see him for three whole months. Until his friend and my friend got engaged and we had to moonwalk down the isle at their wedding. He offered to buy me a drink, and I said yes, but only because it was an open bar. One drink, two drinks, three, four fivesixseveen. We talked about our families, and did the YMCA, and passed out in my hotel room.
     And small town held me when I cried and owned a little cafe that did well enough to pay the bills, and small town smiled. He let me tell him about the world. He liked holding hands and Harry Potter. Small town talked dirty and shut down the cafe some days so we could spend all afternoon naked in bed. And we held each other just as tight. Small town met my parents before saying I love you and when he said it, he really meant it. He smelled like warm bread and pine trees, and when small town talked, it was about important things like good books and insecurities and the future.
     And here’s the thing, being with him wasn’t anything like being with anyone else. It was like coming home after traveling the world. Knowing all the rooms by heart. Laying in your childhood bed and thinking, this is it, kiddo. You fucking did it. And maybe for you it’s big city or small town or someone else entirely. I think maybe we fall in love everyday, but sometimes it's different. Sometimes it’s everything. Just trust that it’s out there. Please, please. Just wait for your homecoming.
—  everything I know about love
  • *something horrible happens*
  • a rightfully concerned individual: omg are you okay?
  • my emotionally stunted air-moon ass: lol, whatever, it's No Big Deal, shit like this happens to people all the time... The Worst Thing I can do is blow it out of proportion,, god forbid I experience Emotions, much less Talk about them lmfao... what am I, five?? don't think so haha nice try but ur barking up the wrong tree here
Never Underestimate The Power Of Boobs

Our party is on a stealth op to rescue an NPC Naga (Topaz) from a prison/‘exotic zoo’, with two female characters, a kitsune and a dwarf, disguised as sexy maids (supposedly to distract guards) and everyone else impersonating maintenance staff.  

..and then these happened.

Dwarf:  I roll perception to check for any signs of Topaz. (Nat 1)

DM: You see nothing but your cleavage.

(her next turn)

Dwarf: I roll to find the keys to the closest exhibit (another Nat 1)

DM: You are still entranced by your bust.

Dwarf: I go to the nearest employee and ask him for directions to the staff room

Employee: “Yes Miss Rack.. err, Maid, follow me!”

DM: The employee leads you towards the employee’s lounge, hitting himself against a tree in his distraction.

Female Paladin PC: “Everyone here’s obsessed, aren’t they?” *looks down at own bosom*

Kitsune: I run up to the man and distract him with my cleavage. “Oh mister mister, please, can you help me? Its my first day at work and I’m like, sooooo lost!” D:

DM: You interrupt him talking to a cloaked figure, who teleports away in a flash of light. The man, apparently the main ‘zookeeper’, looks embarassed.

'Zoo'Keeper “Um… er…”

Kitsune: I blink a little at the flash of light, then turn my full attention (and boobage) to the head zookeeper

'Zoo'keeper: Sorry… you seem like a nice person and all… but you really weren’t supposed to see that. I… I think I might be ordered to…

Kitsune: “Oh, please sir, I have nooo idea where I’m supposed to be and I, like, really wanted to make a good impression because its my first day and all~”

'Zoo'keeper: “E-er…” The zookeeper thinks some more, and stares at your bust “Well… promise you will never speak of what we saw and you can go. Okay?”

Dwarf: I roll perception to try find the others (Nat 1)

DM: Once again, you get distracted by your cleavage.

(Next turn)

Male Pirate PC: I roll to find [Dwarf] (rolls high)

DM: You see [Dwarf], standing nearby staring at her own chest. 

Dwarf and Kitsune are arguing.

Dwarf: I raise a finger, but lower it when I look at [Kitsune]’s face.  "N-Nope, not at all!“

DM: [Dwarf], Roll bluff. (rolls low) [Kitsune], Roll sense motive (the fourth Nat 1 of the session)

Kitsune: I glare at [Dwarf] for a long moment….. then notice our boobs and forget what we were arguing about.

fandomhop  asked:

[Headcanon; the first thing Taako did after the Hunger was defeated was go to his bed and take a fucking nap. That was a big day, and cha'boy's all kinds of tired. He naps for like 14 hours.]

oh yeah. hunger’s gone, adrenaline’s over, all the cheering and celebration and people hugging each other and what the fuck ever is over, and taako is immediately and abruptly real fuckin exhausted. listen. he just remembered a hundred years of his life and also saved the world and got his boyfriend out of the astral plane and hachi machi, he needs a nap.

not sure whether he just like, leaves, goes to find his bedroom (where the fuck even is the moonbase now, actually? is it still up?) or whether he like, shouts “ALRIGHT, CH'BOY JUST SAVED THE WORLD AND WANTS A NAP,  HOW THE FUCK DO I GET BACK UP TO THE MOONBASE,” and lup is like “taako, you’re one of the best wizards in the planar system, you can just teleport, babe” and he’s like, “oh, right.”

then he’s like “NOBODY BOTHER ME FOR THE NEXT FOUR HOURS,” and then teleports, dragging kravitz with him cause he wants to cuddle while taking a nap, and then he walks across his room shedding clothing [hat, cloak, w/e) and collapses into bed with his boyfriend and zonks out.

around hour three, magnus wanders in to check on him and is like “oh okay they look comfy” and then kind of. sits down. accidentally falls asleep.

hour four and angus has been fussed over by like a million people and stuff and wants to see where taako and magnus are and goes looking around their apartment and finds them asleep and he doesn’t exactly join them but gee, a nap sounds good right now, so he curls up in the big armchair across from the bed and nods off.

around hour five merle - after checkin in with his kids and making sure they’re okay and stuff, wonders where the other two guys are and accidentally does the same thing magnus does. this bed is getting crowded.

around hour seven after barry and lup are done Talking And Crying and going to get barry’s extra flesh body, they go to check on taako cause he’s probably awake by now right? he’s not awake. theres like three other people in the bed. “aw,” lup says. by now kravitz is awake, but he can’t move cause taako’s like. clinging to him like a vine on a tree. its wild.

“we need to talk,” kravitz says, trying to glare, looking personally affronted by lup’s fiery form, but it doesnt really work cause taako is like. drooling into his shoulder.

“yeah, but later,” barry says, yawning, and he’s sitting at the foot of the bed and kind of nodding off. it’s been a LONG day. lup kisses him and is like “go to sleep babe i’ll handle it” and he falls asleep on taako’s bed too. its getting REAL fuckin crowded.

around hour 12 (after kravitz has fallen back asleep and merle has woken up and gone to talk with davenport, and come back with davenport, and magnus woke up and went to find something to eat with lup and angus because lup was like ‘no way do i trust u in a kitchen maggie, ten years aint shit’ and etc, and taako has been sleeping through everything and for some reason they’ve decided that taako’s bedroom is like. central HQ for the ipre family reunion minus lucretia plus kravitz and ango) and lucretia finally comes in, real tentative, she’s just here to make sure that everyone is okay and stuff, she has director things to do, and she gets if they dont want to see her, thats fine, and lup rolls her eyes (she’s sitting on the floor playing cards and eating snacks with magnus, davenport, and merle, and angus) and is like, “get in here, Creesh. you can be guilty later.” and davenport nods sharply as if to say “you are not forgiven but you are still family” and lucretia wipes her eyes and comes in and they play cards.

hour 14 and taako wakes up and looks around and is like “why the FUCK is everyone in my room????”

some advice

tldr: companies profit off of making temporary solutions that end up making problems worse than they started so have to keep buying their products. natural remedies are cheaper and often just as effective.

-Jojoba oil is what everyone thinks coconut oil is. it completely absorbs into hour hair shin and nails. you can use it on your face without clogging your pores

-shampoo literally just dries out your hair so your scalp produces more oil to compensate. you should rinse your hair daily and wean yourself off that shit. you will be greasy for a Lil bit but after like a couple weeks but It’ll balance out eventually. if you really want to, use a mix of baking soda and water as shampoo, its cheap and wont dry ur scalp.

-use apple cider vinegar and water to balance oils in ur face and hair, get rid if a wart, cure a yeast infection, shits magic

- sugar/salt scrubs are mad easy to make and really cheap. exfoliate lads

-pure aloe Vera is good forensically any skin irritations

-tea tree oil helps with acne scarring

-speaking of acne, proactive and talk those other bullshit acne treatments are useless. they’re packed with chemicals and make your skin worse. eat clean drink water and wash your face, if you still break out theres no shame.

-charcoal is good for clearing skin, but instead of buying an expensive black mask just make a fire and use the charcoal from that to make a diy mask. save 45 bucks.

anyway save ur money and stay healthy lads

anonymous asked:

hello!! i love your writing so much omg! it would be really cool if you did a jily musical theatre au, but no pressure. have a nice day!

  • ‘i dont even like you’ james tells lily, lying, when theyre both cast as leads
  • james’ only reference to any musical being high school musical and its only then when he realises they never even PERFORMED THE PLAY it was JUST THE CALL BACK and lily tells him to SHUT UP because HES YELLING and also EVERYONE ALREADY KNEW THAT 

  • lily joined cause music + acting = Her Shit and also slughorn is the director and he insisted on having her audition 

  • lilys always loosing her script and then taking james’ and trying to make him think hes the one whose lost his lines

  • sirius heckles every rehersal

  • remus is on lighting and james tries to bribe him to make it go dark whenever lily speaks but lily hears him and tips her coffee down his front 

  • in rehersals during the bit where theyre meant to kiss james kisses his hand and lily just squints at him bc the fuck was that rlly necesseary he could have just kissed nothing what a weirdo

  • james being A Smug Shite whenver he sings bc he knows hes good and lily is so sick of his talent she could physically die 

  • except like. annoyingly they have the same taste in music so when theyre in their dressing rooms she’ll bang on their shared wall and tell him to turn up Melodrama or smth and he’ll smile a little

  • at one point sirius paints a fake tree yellow just for The Drama Of It All and slughorn is Next Level Pissed and lily and james cant stop laughing

  • james: ‘wheres the coffee’ *lily, having drunk the entire pot out of spite earlier that morning bc james said she looked like a falmingo in her pink legwarmers, shaking slightly,: SAY WHAT BITCH

  • lily keeps improvising funny lines and james trying not to laugh each time
  • they move out of the rough rehersal stage and everyone knows their lines now and shit is getting real and sirius has been thrown off the props team 7 times but somehow keeps getting back on it 
  • lily still doesnt like him but like damn. boy is funny. boy can sing. boy looks like that and can do 5 cartwheels in a row. 
  •  they do arm wrestling and james never lets her win but lily always cheats anyway 
  • he writes his english essays and shes all ‘youve spelt ‘produce’ wrong how can u even do that’ and ‘stop calling hamlet great ok he did the dirty on opehlia and im sick of pretending like im okay with it’ 
  • james sitting in the directors chair despite a) not being the director and b) required to be on stage for a scene at the time 
  • her car doesnt start and theyre standing in the theatre parking lot, everyone else at home, and he wont leave unless she does and she wont leave her car overnight so they sit on her bonnet and talk about hamlet and high school musical and how theyre similar 
  • lily says i cant hit the high note and james, without thinking says yes you can. youre excellent and everyone is staring at him and he goes bright red

  • the bit where theyre supposed to kiss only this time theyre v close to each other and its lily can feel his breath on her face. see her reflection in his glasses. she looks winded. she feels like it. 
  • once he walks out in her costume on stage and she laughs so hard she falls into sirius’ yellow tree which he keeps putting up 
  • lily skulling coffee and then doing her solo and going off stage while slughorn wipes away tears 
  • theyre in dress rehersals now and its all happening and even when james is looking at someone else hes really looking at her 
  • opening night and james is so nervous and in the minute before the curtain goes up she just. grabs his wrist. and suddenly he is a flood of calm 
  • sirius holding up a sign when it gets to the kiss that says ‘NOW FUCK’ 
  • there is 11 shows and by show 7 james and lily are honest to god having contests to see who can skull the most mountain dew and then do their solo and slughorn is In Dispair 
  • the show is still fucking excellent tho
  • closing night and lilys walking to her car only now shes never going to have another reason to kiss him again and that just. is a huge fucking problem actually 
  • james being literally shoved up againist the bathroom wall about five minutes later after lily has tracked him down and hes liked her all this time and now shes kissing him for no apparent reason and goddamn hes so lucky 

consider: childhood sweethearts hance

- lance’s older brothers and sisters mercilessly teasing him about his lil crush on hunk and lance getting flustered and defensive

“yooooou liiiiiiiike him”

“do NOT!!! >:(”

-except yes he does, he writes hunk little love letters and signs them “ur secret admirer ;) <3” and sticks them in his desk

-hunk figures out it’s lance when it’s lances turn to write on the board and he recognizes the handwriting

-when he asks him about it later lance gets defensive again like “what pft nuh uh no way haaha- wait, why, do you like me”

“yeah!!! :D”

“>:O!! :D!!”

-they hold hands 90% of the time and play ninjas at recess

-you know those valentine cards kids buy to hand out to the whole class? and how theres the bigger ones you can give to the teacher?? hunk and lance give the bigger ones to each other because theyre Boyfriends

-they got married under the slide and exchanged ring pops (lance’s sentimental ass still has his and hunk thinks its sweet but also kinda gross)

-one time they kissed behind a tree

-sleepovers! ! they watch all kinds of movies, their favorites toy story!! hunk writes his name on the bottom of lances shoe like andy does woody and vice versa

-one time lances older brother let them watch a scary movie with him and they both had nightmares for weeks

-they have their names written down on each others hands with hearts all around them

-they get in trouble for talking to each other too much during class

How to feel like a dryad

*Laugh loudly and with inhibition

*Bend with the breeze and stand firm against the storm–be flexible but stand firm on your principles and convictions

*Wear perfume with pine or cedar or vanilla

*Dress in natural colors–forest greens, unbleached whites, autumn reds and oranges, earth browns

*Sit quietly in the sun and drink up the light or bask in the moonlight after dusk

*Spend time with friends for no other reason but to enjoy their company

*Dance frequently–alone, with friends, with your lover, with family

*Sing. Your voice is beautiful

*Wear light makeup or just go barefaced–what can compare to the natural beauty of a tree? Nothing. And nothing compares to you either

*Go hiking (wear good shoes)

*Use a natural oil on your face (e.g. argan oil, safflower, rosehip, hemp)

*Shed toxic relationships like fall leaves

*Sit under trees–talk to them if you feel like it (they are very good listeners)

*Brush your hair out and let it be free (alternatively, if you have hair that can’t be brushed, shake it out and let it do its thing)

*Reuse and recycle

*Trim your nails to a practical length

Tree Bros Oneshot: Evan’s Birthday

AN: hey everyone! this is my first deh oneshot, so i hope you enjoy. 

July 10: Connor and Evan have been dating for a few months now, and today is Evan’s birthday. Connor has no idea what to get him, so he seeks help from his sister Zoe and Evan’s other friend Jared. Unfortunately, they’re as clueless as he is. 

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1,123


“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know!” Connor panicked, pacing back and forth in his bedroom.

It was currently noon, and Connor had planned to pick up Evan for a little birthday date at four, but there was one problem. He didn’t have a present. 

“Dude, calm down. Just get him like a plant or something. He likes trees, right?” Jared sat in Connor’s office chair, spinning in circles and acting calmer than the Murphy boy. 

“Why don’t you buy him a Keurig? Everyone loves Keurigs,” Zoe chimed in. She was sprawled out on Connor’s bed with her head hanging upside down off the side. 

Keep reading

✰ * º ❛   that 70′s show sentence starters   ❜

‘  you know what your problem is? i’m too good looking.  ’
‘  god, what did you have for breakfast this morning? carnation instant bitch?  ’
‘  oh, is this what we’re gonna do today, we’re gonna fight?  ’
‘  because you’re breaking up the band, yoko!  ’
‘  an apple? where’s my candy, you son of a bitch.  ’
‘  she told me she loves me and then i told her i loved cake…  ’
‘  how’d you’d like to own a little bit of my foot in your ass?  ’
‘  look, if i could run across the beach into my own arms, i would.  ’
‘  you know he never liked phones. he said he could hear voices in ‘em.  ’
‘  when my time comes, i wanna be buried facedown so that anyone who doesn’t like me can kiss my ass.  ’
‘  you know what your problem is? you’re really cute… so no one ever told you to shut your pie hole.  ’
‘  god, we are such the… perfect couple?  ’
‘  you’re cold? well damn, i can’t control the weather!  ’
‘  the gym, or as i like to call it, the institute of things i can’t do.  ’
‘  well, i’d like to help but… not as much as i’d like not to.  ’
‘  don’t put me in your fantasies. i don’t even like being in your real life.  ’
‘  i don’t like people. i like rock n’ roll, sex, and pizza – in that order.  ’
‘  i’m not loving anybody that i’m not legally required to.  ’
‘  and if somebody doesn’t tell me i’m cute in the next five minutes, i’m gonna scream!  ’
‘  don’t hate me because i’m beautiful.  ’
‘  i can’t count on much in this crazy world, but i can always count on you.  ’
‘  i’m going to go out, meet some boys and crush their hearts one by one.  ’
‘  where zen ends, ass kicking begins.  ’
‘  you guys are fighting like cats and whores.  ’
‘  cake is good, but you cannot have sex with cake.  ’
‘  well, my head says no, but my heart says no.  ’
‘  the three true branches of the government are military, corporate, and hollywood.  ’
‘  hey man, if you don’t get caught, everything’s legal.  ’
‘  yeah, but god didn’t see that. i was in my van, and he can’t see through lead.  ’
‘  college is for ugly girls who can’t get modeling contracts.  ’
‘  college is for women who don’t want to marry the first idiot they meet and squeeze out his bastard moron children.  ’
‘  i was never happy. i was just less pissed off.  ’
‘  sometimes when i’m alone, i just love to cuddle.  ’
‘  i have a definite opinion on this… i don’t care.  ’
‘  when he’s unhappy, i know our relationship is in good shape.  ’
‘  all right, sleep tight and don’t let the bedbugs put their foot in your ass.  ’
‘  that’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.  ’
‘  we have some breaking news: i’m toasted.  ’
‘  but i don’t want to go outside. there are people out there.  ’
‘  oh, please. i’m a hot-looking, smooth-talking, frisky-assed son of a bitch.  ’
‘  no, i’m not pouting. that would upset our routine. god knows i wouldn’t want to move in a new direction and accidentally slip in a puddle of fun or anything.  ’
‘  i’ve just decided being sad is a waste of my time.  ’
‘  he called me ugly on the inside and the outside. i’m sorry, but he’s just wrong about the outside part.  ’
‘  i don’t really cook much. i just plan on getting by on my looks.  ’
‘  no, no, no, you just don’t move on from me. i’m like alcohol. you need a twelve-step program to break my smell.  ’
‘  you know, being here under the stars, sitting on the grass makes me really glad i’m not poor.  ’
‘  the person i love the most is me!  ’
‘  i was voted most popular, best legs, and now godmother? what can’t i do?  ’
‘  why am i alone and all of you less attractive people are happy?  ’
‘  it’s better to have loved and loss than to be butt ugly.  ’
‘  okay, i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: everyone loves me.  ’
‘  why get out of bed when you can read about people who got out of bed?  ’
‘  i got a lot of free time. i mainly use it to nap and cry.  ’
‘  i’ll just curl up in the fetal position and think about pancakes.  ’
‘  have you been in bed all day?  ’
‘  last night i only slept like… nine hours.  ’
‘  i pity you because you’re dumb.  ’
‘  responsible people don’t go around getting their nipples twisted.  ’
‘  they want to kill rock n’ roll because they know it makes us horny, man.  ’
‘  i would love car sex… or just sex… or just a car.  ’
‘  no, i don’t feel bad. i don’t feel anything.  ’
‘  man, think about it. we hold information that could crush the very heart and soul of one of our best friends… i live for days like this!  ’
‘  it’s like we’re too old to trick or treat and too young to die.  ’
‘  talking isn’t gonna help me, okay? what’s gonna help me is, like, drinking.  ’
‘  hey, yeah, that’s the worst idea i’ve ever heard!  ’
‘  i wish i was an octopus.  ’
‘  thanks, but i’ve gotta go to sleep because i have a big day of misery ahead of me.  ’
‘  life is too short to spend it with people who annoy you.  ’
‘  well, for your information, i’m already sorry i was ever born.  ’
‘  i don’t have a hickey. i was using a curling iron.  ’
‘  give me a reason why i shouldn’t set you on fire.  ’
‘  i’m a hottie, you’re a nottie.  ’
‘  prison is not an option for me, okay? i can’t pee in front of other people.  ’
‘  man, time really flies when you take two naps a day.  ’
‘  oh, no. now i have to act normal.  ’
‘  oh, i just remembered i can’t loan it to you on account of i hate you.  ’
‘  i’ve been diagnosed with a disease that makes me irresistible to women.  ’
‘  you know what the best thing god ever did was? boobs.  ’
‘  i’m like ketchup. i go good on everything!  ’
‘  when we were about to fool around and i said that i washed my hands, but i really just got done playing with like six dogs.  ’
‘  there’s a rabbit stuck in a tree and i want to return that rabbit to the wild so it can lay its eggs.  ’
‘  if this is about maturity then i want nothing to do with it.  ’
‘  a wedding without a trampoline? that’s crazy talk.  ’
‘  i don’t wanna blink ‘cause i’m afraid to miss even a second of your cuteness.  ’
‘  you seem normal around your family, but out in the real world, you’re kinda nuts.  ’
‘  i could get arrested. i could go to girl prison. this freakin’ rocks!  ’
‘  my parents are fighting all the time and they want me to choose sides, but i can’t because they’re both idiots.  ’
‘  why would sally sell seashells down by the seashore? i mean, that’s a terrible location for a seashell stand.  ’
‘  i’m not strong, but i know a lot of ways to destroy men emotionally.  ’
‘  i don’t have feelings for him. i just hate that bitch for making him happy.  ’
‘  i’m not jealous, i just want to pop that inflatable bitch and watch her fly around the room.  ’
‘  hello, it is me, the object of your desire.  ’
‘  i’m a beautiful girl with a shrill, demanding voice. i’m pretty hard to ignore.  ’
‘  a gold digger is what these idiots call a woman who knows that love eventually wears off, but money is forever.  ’
‘  you see, a more productive use of my time is revenge.  ’
‘  i cannot be held responsible for the things that come out of my mouth.  ’
‘  i don’t answer stupid questions.  ’

keith: hunk is right

hunk, immediately pulling keith down into a kiss: man i love hearing that