So I’m going to post this here too because it’s really important to me.
I got the following comment on Sing a Rainbow, a fic I wrote about an Aromatic character who is, amongst other things, in a committed relationship with someone who loves him. I wrote a response as best I can to sum up why it hurts me that someone could think this way, and I want it here as well.
I would hate to know the person I love would never love me like that in return. It’s like being permanently friend zoned…. At least they are partically together. Well, they are together, but Dave just isn’t in love with John like John is with him. Ugh, confusing
I’m going to try to think of a way to explain it, so bear with me.
Imagine you’re vegetarian for health reasons. You don’t choose not to eat meat, you’re on that diet because you don’t have a choice. You find someone who you’re really interested in and enjoy spending time with, and they take you out to a meal. They order a steak, and you order salad. You both enjoy that meal, and have fun together, and they got to have the steak they love while you had the salad you have to eat, but willingly do and enjoy eating.
Now imagine that person said “no, I have steak so you have to have steak too, or I won’t enjoy mine!” You can’t eat that steak, you don’t want to and are incapable of doing so without hurting yourself. Would you be okay if that person hated you because you could only have the salad with them? Does it invalidate how much you’d enjoyed the meal together, the fact that you can only have salad?
Or is it fairer that they appreciate you have your reasons, and they have theirs, and you both appreciate that the meal and evening were just fine even if you both enjoyed different things as part of it?
Dave has his salad, John has his steak. They both agreed that’s fine. It is not being “friend zoned”, which is a terrible concept and has no place anywhere, honestly. It is Dave loving John, caring about him enough to spend his life with him, just not being able to feel exactly the same kind of love as John does. It is two people caring for each other enough to be together and not fixate on the fact that one love is “better” than the other.
I may be reading this wrong, but if you think that’s a bad thing, that John is suffering somehow, this fic is not for you. This fic is written because aromantics are not broken or spiting anyone with being how they are, they are not friend zoning anyone, they are loving in the way they do and just because it isn’t romantic it isn’t a crime against anyone, especially their partners. If you really think “friend zoning”, saying to someone even though I can’t love you romantically I still want to be with you in the way I can, to trust you and spend time with you, to be there for you and have a meaningful platonic relationship with you, is a bad thing, you need to reevaluate your views and think hard about why that relationship is any less important than a romantic one.
If you think romantic love is the be all and end all, I don’t know why you’re here. This fic is tagged aromantic, platonic, friendship and self acceptance. John and Dave have a meaningful, significant relationship, based on real partners I’m lucky to be friends with, and both are incredibly happy in it.
If all you care about from a person you love is them loving you in exactly the same way back, maybe you need to think hard about how much you actually love them at all.
Carry On Simon Characters
In order: Simon, Baz, Penny, Agatha
I used actors for references
Yes, they have a watermark because I’ve had things stolen before and it’s not fun. If you’d like the originals or PNG’s just ask, I swear I’m reasonable and I’ll probably give them to you unless I have a legit reason not to.
Hope you like them!!:)
Sometimes I think “it would be nice to be in a relationship” but then I immediately cut off that thought since I know I’m only referring to simon and baz’s relationship, one that is almost impossible to attain in real life.
So yeah. I’m content with fangirling over these two.