it's like a double down but better for u and also perfection

The Love That Evades Is the Most Satisfying to Ensnare

Request: “Hey there!~ i was curious if I could request a Newt x Reader fic based off the song ‘Give Me Love’ by Ed Sheeran?? Maybe it’s like a one sided relationship, he fancies Leta (I know you just did a fic that includes Leta Dx) or Tina, and there’s Angst but fluff? Maybe it can end on a comforting note?~ (I love ur writing so much btw 💕)”

Pairing: Newt Scamander x Reader

Word Count: 4130

Warnings: ANGST FUCKING HELL I LOVE ANGST but also a lot of fluff at the end don’t worry

A/n: wow this is longest fic I’ve ever written lmao pls give it some love if u end up liking it :^)

Originally posted by versacequean

Give me love like her,
'Cause lately I’ve been waking up alone

Looking at him hurt. It hurt to see him smiling, laughing at a joke she had told. He was happy, but it wasn’t with you. It could have been you, maybe in another universe it could’ve been. You would’ve spoken up about your feelings for your freckled friend, and he would’ve blushed and kissed you, then you would have become the most perfect couple, complementing each other in every tangible aspect, bettering each other while sharing a love that couldn’t be broken by the sharpest sword. And yet, here she had come. The edge of a blade, stabbed between your 3rd and 4th ribs, penetrating all the hope you had left.

The worst part about the pain was that it felt like a betrayal. Of course, Newt had never known about your undying love for him, and he probably would never know now. But somehow, every time you looked at them touching, kissing… you couldn’t get the image of the double-edged sword out of your mind. Two hands at the base, one belonging to each of them, pressing it into your heart until the hilt reached your chest. A blind boy, matched with a girl who always had a bird’s eye view on the situation. She knew you loved him.

What made it worse is that she was never harsh about it either. She knew how much you must’ve been hurting, even sending you sorry glances when she realized you were watching the two coddle. The final striking blow being that she was perfect for Newt, so much more than you could’ve ever been. Oh, how you wished so badly to be Leta. The smart, beautiful Leta, who had everyone wrapped around her little finger, whether she knew it or not. Many had painted her to be cruel, or even evil, but those were just rumours spread behind her back due to her reputation being quashed when she started her relationship with the “weird Hufflepuff boy”. Maybe she did have flaws, maybe. It was a maybe that you clung to, guiltily wishing that one day her flaws would overwhelm her many talents and gorgeous features, and Newt would come back to you.

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You Can't Spell Elementarily Without "ily"

Alfred has never liked English.

 It wasn’t exciting, it was tedious, and it could be utterly ridiculous. (Some authors choose certain names because they like them, not because they are trying to insert some secret meaning!) But what he hated most of all was how unstraightforward it all was. There was no one “right” answer, and a lot of things depended on personal opinion. Alfred hated that. He was a math and science guy, and he liked things to be clear-cut and concise

The only reason he was taking LitAnalysis301 was because he needed the credits to graduate. Alfred wished he got his credits out of the way last year, but instead he spent his freshman year of college exploring fields and majors. If only he’d hadn’t been so stupid. 

And of course it didn’t help that he took the class at eight am. Damn it for being the only time left

Alfred was doodling as the professor entered the room. At least the professor’s cute. Professor Arthur Kirkland was a man of a small stature, with sandy blond hair and really thick eyebrows, large enough to be the cause of a nickname. He had piercing emerald eyes that stared right through you, and he was British, making many swoon with his accent. 

(If he were being honest, it made Alfred swoon a bit as well.) 

Professor Kirkland cleared his throat.
“I hope you all did the reading last night, because you will all be writing an essay on your findings. Due in 3 days. Futhermore, turn to page 367 in your textbooks….”

Alfred complied, trying not to get too distracted. The class wasn’t too difficult, being as mostly freshmen took it, however, Professor Kirkland was so enchanting that Alfred often found himself captivated in his mannerisms and the musicality of his voice rather than what he was saying. It didn’t help that it seemed like Professor Kirkland gazed at him more than the other students either.

 However, Alfred felt guilty. He was loathe to admit it, but he had a crush on his english professor. A guy wayyy older than him. He was gross. 

Alfred couldn’t help it! Kirkland was way too cute for his own good: the way his eyebrows scrunched up when he was grading, his snarkiness, his passion, the way his eyes lit up when he was teaching something he was excited about, his sorry attempts at jokes, the way he tried to lighten the mood when he could tell everyone was having a bad morning, his gruffiness, his laughter, his rare smile that made Alfred’s heart melt. 

 Alfred knew he shouldn’t, but he found every excuse to spend time with the man one-on-one. He would take longer than necessary getting his materials packed up, he would stay after class to ask about things that he actually had no trouble with, and he would attend all the events Kirkland suggested, (would also attend) even if they weren’t required. 

 He just tried his damn best to impress him. Alfred would answer questions in class, lead discussions, try to show how much of a leader and a good person he was, do all his homework, and spend all-nighters writing perfect essays. 

And for what? It seemed like it was for nothing. Kirkland never really noticed Alfred, barely even saying “well done” on his near perfect essays. Near perfect! By Kirkland standards! A feat practically impossible to achieve! 

So against his better judgements, (and his best friend Kiku’s very cautious warnings and ill-advisement) Alfred bought roses (Kirkland’s favorite, he did his research) and marched up to Kirkland one day after class. 

“Uh, Professor Kirkland?” Alfred blushed slightly, nervously shuffling his feet. 

“Yes Jones?” 

 He knows my name! Holy fuck- calm down Jones, you can do this. Alfred took a deep breath and shoved the roses at the Brit’s face. “I really like you!” Smooth, Jones.

The professor blushed, accepting the roses and setting them down. “Jones-” 

“Please, it’s Alfred.” 

Alfred  then, listen I’m touched, but-” 

Alfred interrupted him. “Yes I know I’m disgusting, I’m 20 and you’re probably almost double my age and I shouldn’t have a crush on you but I do because you’re amazing and funny and I hate English and Literature but I like you, and-”

 “Alfred please, listen to me.” Alfred raised his head, ashamed.
Kirkland put his hand on Alfred’s cheek. “I’m not disgusted by you, I mean sure it’s a little unconventional, but I’m in no place to talk, seeing as I, uh, rather fancy you too-” he was cut off by Alfred’s lips crashing into his, which he promptly responded to. After they broke away from each other, Alfred was grinning ear to ear, and Arthur had a light blush on him as well. However, his expression still became more serious 

 “Alfred, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t think we can see each other. And let me finish!” Arthur said, seeing that Alfred’s mouth had started to open. “It’s not that I don’t like you, and the age difference isn’t a problem, I’m only 24. Yes, I know, surprising. But I’m your teacher. You’re my student. It wouldn’t be right.” 

Alfred wanted to say many things. He wanted to say that who cared. He wanted to say that they could be careful. He wanted to say that if they just weren’t caught that they could work. But Alfred knew deep in his heart that Arthur was right. They couldn’t. He sighed. “You’re right.”

I’m so sorry-” 

“But what if I wasn’t your student! After this class. I wouldn’t be your student. We could date then, couldn’t we? 

“I suppose we could…” 

 “We can! I’ll wait for you.” 

Arthur smiled. Alfred grinned back. 

“Now I know why you seemed to always stare at me.” 

 Arthur blushed. “I-I-I- hoped you wouldn’t notice! I was that obvious?” Alfred chuckled, nodding. “I couldn’t help it! You’re too captivating.” Arthur smacked his chest. “You see I wanted to give you full marks on your papers, but I have a reputation to uphold.

 Alfred shook his head. “Understandable.” 

“I noticed, you know.” 

Alfred raised an eyebrow. “Noticed what?” 

 “How you tried your best to spend time with me.“ It was Alfred’s turn to blush. 

 “It was cute.” Arthur gave him a peck on the cheek.

 Eventually they exchanged numbers, both heading their separate ways. In class, nothing changed. But in reality, they texted and called and hung out as friends, but nothing more. Not until Alfred was done with that that class, where upon the first day he could, he kissed Arthur hard on the lips, who responded by putting his arms around Alfred. 

 “Shall we make up for all the time we missed?” Alfred smiled, gazing into Arthur’s eyes, still as beautiful as ever. 

 “Of course love. I’m tired of waiting.”




The First Date

You, Jesse and Hanzo go on your first date! Fic is PG-13. 

Link for AO3:

Hanzo and Jesse have left it up to you to decide where you’d be going on your first date. Being a person who is no good at making decisions, this was more pressure than actually being asked out on the date itself. You are currently sitting at home in your own apartment watching your phone as the notifications go off one after the other. Being in a group chat with the two of them is a trip:


Jesse: where

Jesse: do

Jesse: u

Jesse: wnana

Jesse: go!

Hanzo: Stop spamming.

Hanzo: Let her think, smh.

Jesse: im right here if u wanna fight me

You: IDK

You: I’m really down for whatever!

Hanzo: Where do you like to go during your free time?

You: My room?

Hanzo: -_-

Jesse: im calling u


And he does, less than a couple of seconds after you had received that text. You stare at the screen with a shit-eating grin while it’s ringing, and let it go to voice mail.


Jesse: answer ya damn phone plz

Hanzo: Don’t cuss at her.

Jesse: answer ya darn* phone plz

Jesse: also fuck u han

Hanzo: Hmmm. Interesting for a person who just asked me to make dinner.

You: Somebodys bout to starve!

You: Also sorry! I had lost my phone very suddenly :/  


Your phone starts to ring again, and you wait until the last possible moment to answer it. You don’t even have to say a thing; Jesse just starts going off in your ear, “Hey, now listen! I’ma count teh’ three, and when I count teh’ three your’ gonna say the first place that comes to mind alright?”

You let out a long, dramatic, heavy sigh, making sure to blow air into the phone as much as possible.  

Jesse laughs, “Alright here we go! One! Two! Three-“


“Ah shit, Han! We goin’ to the zoo!”

“No, no, no wait! Let’s try that again!”

Jesse hangs up the phone.


Jesse: no take backs  

Hanzo: I am excited! I’ve never been to the zoo!

You: We shouldn’t go to the zoo that was stupid

Jesse: nu uh! we going!

Hanzo: Why is it stupid? Now I really want to go!

Jesse: pick u up on friday!!! wear zoo clothes!!!!

You: WTF are zoo clothes

Hanzo: What she said.

Jesse: clothes u wear to the zoo???

Hanzo: Hmmm true.

You: Whatever! Fine! I guess we’re going to the zoo

Jesse: u bet ur ass

Jesse: shit

Jesse: butt*  

Hanzo: We’ll pick you up around 9am. Is that okay with you?

You: Pfff yeah.

Jesse: see ya friday!


Friday rolls around, and you guys go to the zoo. It’s the perfect day for it; the sun is out, and it’s partially cloudy. There’s a light cool breeze that feels amazing on the skin. After thinking about it, you’ve actually come around to the spontaneous idea that Jesse had to coax out of you. You guys take your time at each exhibit. The zoo isn’t very crowded at all, and nobody cares that you guys take nearly thirty minutes at each. Hanzo does dramatic readings of the facts on each of the placards, putting on what he likes to call his “tour guide voice”.

When you guys get to the Red Fox enclosure you and Jesse listen while Hanzo reads. At the end, Jesse raises his hand, “Um excuse me, Mr. Shimada? May I ask a question.”

“All questions are welcome, Mr. McCree.”

Jesse points to the cage, “Why are they called Red Foxes?”

You can see Hanzo try and suppress a laugh, and you try to suppress yours as well. Feigning like you, too, would like to know why Red Foxes are named Red Foxes. Hanzo is trying to remain in character, “Mr. McCree, if you can do me a favor and look at the animal?”

“Mhmm, yes.”  

“The fox has red fur.”

Jesse places his hand on his chin and nods his head up and down, “Uh huh.”

“So it is called the Red Fox because well; it has red fur.”

You can’t keep up the act anymore. Hanzo says that last line with such conviction and a matter of fact tone that you are doubled over, and clutching your stomach laughing. Jesse refuses to give up the act. He looks down at you, his cowboy hat casting a shadow over his face.

“Darlin’, what’s so funny? I don’t understand.”

Hanzo keeps it up as well, “Sir? The Red fox. Red is a color. The color of the foxes fur is red. Therefore, Red Fox.”  

You’re still doubled over wheezing. A small crowd has actually started to stare, thinking that Hanzo is an actual expert and tour guide. They believe that Hanzo, a man who is wearing unbelievably tight joggers and a navy blue tee shirt that says, “Choose Cremation. You Urned it,” is a god damn professional, articulately explaining to a cowboy why a Red Fox is called a Red fox. Jesse sees the curious onlookers and decides that maybe it’s time to end the charade, “Ah, I get it now, and ya’ know what? That’s a pretty dumb fuckin’ fact.”

Jesse throws an arm around your still shaking shoulders, tosses his other one around Hanzo’s, and you guys all walk away from the confused onlookers. Eventually, after marveling at the big cats for nearly an hour, you guys make it into the reptile house. Here is where you figure out that Jesse really doesn’t like spiders and that Hanzo couldn’t care less. You do care a little bit, but the thick plexiglass between you and the arachnids is enough to keep you from being irrational like Jesse is being.

“Can y’all stop puttin’ your faces so damn close to the glass?”

You smile coyly and rest your cheek against the glass, Hanzo follows suit and places his cheek against the glass as well, “Take a picture, Jesse.”

Jesse crosses his arms and pouts, “Y’all think your’ funny huh?”

You grab your phone out of your pocket and turn on the camera, “Guess we’ll just have to take a selfie.”

The spider that is in the little glass case is clinging to the other side, showing off its belly and legs. Perfect for the photo op. You and Hanzo point to it and smile nice and big for the camera, while you hold your phone in your other and snap a photo.

Hanzo says, “Make sure to send that to me in the group chat.”

Jesse is glaring at Hanzo, when you notice one of the workers is trying to get any of the customer to listen to what she has to say about whatever it is she is presenting, but she’s getting no takers. You walk towards her and look into the large, deep, open plexiglass tub that she is standing next to. Your eyes widen and you start to cackle. Oh, this is gonna be good!

“Hey Han! Jesse! Come here!”

You watch closely has they look into the glass enclosure. Hanzo now has the biggest smile, and Jesse takes one glance and literally runs off about twelve feet.

The workers face lights up, “Hello! Would you guys like to hear about this tarantula?”

The look that Hanzo gives her almost looks like he might abandon the two of you and take her out on a date; he is so happy.  

“I would absolutely love to hear about this tarantula!”

The woman practically dances, because she is delighted to finally have people who want to listen to her. She clasps her hands together and starts to spew off all of the knowledge she’s got on the spider. Hanzo listens and has questions for her, and she is able to answer everything. Meanwhile, Jesse is in the background huffing and making off-handed comments like, “Interesting” and “Wow, real fascinatin’.” When the spider starts to stretch its legs and move around, you lean in farther to get a better look.

“Hey! Sugar? Maybe don’t do that! That thing is gonna get your face.”

The tarantula handler finally turns her attention to Jesse, “Oh no! Honduran Curly Hairs are docile tarantulas. Also! Tarantulas can’t jump that far. A fall from where her face is at to the bottom would actually seriously hurt the curly.”

Jesse does his best at being polite, “Thanks for the knowledge ma’am.”

At this point, Hanzo is practically inside of the enclosure, and you’ve reached your limit. Any closer, and you’d be pushing your comfort zone. The woman clasps her hands together, “I am so sorry! I haven’t asked for your names yet!”

You both introduce yourselves and take turns shaking her hand, “Hanzo! Seeing as you seem to be the most interested, would you like to hold her?”  

Jesse claps his hands together, “Han! You put that spider in your hands, and we are breakin’ up!”  

Hanzo puts his hands together, palms up and lowers them into the enclosure; “It’s been nice knowing you, Jesse.”

Jesse is still squirming, but it seems this is something he just has to see. He gets just close enough to be able to look in. He’s standing right behind you, looking over your shoulder, and he’s got two nervous handfuls of the back of your shirt. You reach back and pat his thigh, “There, there. It’ll be alright!”

The woman first coaxes the tarantula into her open palm using what looks to be a soft bristled paint brush. It’s funny watching her gently nudge the brush against the creatures big furry butt. It slowly crawls into her hand, and you can physically feel Jesse tremble. You look back at him, “Jesse, just one of your hands are at least two times bigger than this tarantula is. This tarantula can’t do shit to you.”

“Darlin, I ain’t tryna say you’re not right, but that doesn’t keep the little critter from being real creepy.”

Hanzo isn’t paying any attention to the two of you. He is concentrating on the spider that is now crawling into his welcoming hands. It stays there, cradled, its two front legs feeling along the tips of his fingers. Hanzo is still smiling, “Thank you for letting me hold her.”

The woman continues to light up, “Are you kidding me? You are very welcome. I’m so happy you guys took time out of your day to hang out with me and listen to me ramble about this. Tarantulas are my passion.”

After a couple more tarantula facts, Hanzo places the creature back down into its habitat, and you guys make Jesse very happy by deciding it’s time to move on. The three of you continue to stay close to each other as you visit the rest of the exhibits. When you’ve officially seen them all, you guys go back to gawk at each of your favorites. When hunger strikes, you guys stop at a little cart that specializes in soft tacos. You watch in amazement as Hanzo orders six and downs them all. You guys don’t leave the zoo until you are forced to, because it’s closing time. The three of you leave feeling the good kind of tired, all having found a new favorite place to be.

My Favorite Albums of 2015 (So Far)

To say 2015 has been an INCREDIBLE year for music is an understatement. Every other week has been just a haven and music fan’s dream coming to fruition, so much so that this is the first top list of albums I’ve made that ISN’T in a particular order! This list encompasses more than just hip hop as well mind you so there’s should be plenty for any music fan to enjoy here. Sound off below on any of your favorite jams this year as well if you think I missed any!

Kendrick Lamar — To Pimp a Butterfly

As abstract and bold as ever, K. Dot manages to completely reinvent himself within the landscape of hip hop and the ever changing image of black men in America throughout his journey of coming to terms with his identity, humanity, and status as a whole, nailing every single concept he lays forward with absolute perfection. Whether it’s the ignorance wobbles of “Hood Politics” the gut wrenching suicidal thought of “U” the politically charged anger of “The Blacker the Berry” or the false hope of “Alright”, Kendrick brings in a well molded perspective that is solely unique to him, yet remains singular in his own way.

Jamie XX — In Colour

Leave it to the producer of The XX to make me like song featuring Young Thug (“I Know There’s Gonna Be Good Times”) and make one of the best electronic albums in recent memory. Warm and immediately accessible and electrifying with tons of satisfying depth to them that make each and every song rewarding, tracks like “Girl”, “Gosh” and songs with his XX cohorts (“Loud Places”, “SeeSaw”) will stick with you (and in your head) long after you finish playing them. Jamie took his sweet time recording this album enough to put one of the biggest indie pop outfits in the world on hold to do so, and was rewarded handsomely in the end.

Hiatus Kaiyote — Choose Your Weapon

An interesting but underdeveloped album with a Grammy nominated song featuring Q-Tip later, this Austrailian neo-soul outfit has managed to craft their own signature sound with a bliss ho-hum one second and blazing electronic synths in another. The warm energy of “Molasses” juxtaposed with the beatnik rhythms of “Atari” with the eclectic mashup of all styles in “Jekyll” can leave you breathless trying to catch up to it all, whether it’s their frantic energy, Nai Palms soulful and beautiful vocals (where it’s at her best on “Fingerprints”) or the ingenious lowkey single of the year in “Shaolin Monk Motherfunk”.

Donnie Trumpet and the Social Experiment — Surf

For those wanting more of Chance or more rapping, you gotta understand this: THIS IS NOT A CHANCE THE RAPPER ALBUM. However, it does bring Chance’s abundant joy into the mix with the debut of Surf. Tracks like “Just Wait” and “Slip Slide” showcase the other talent the group has to offer, while Chano shows no signs of faulting lyrically either, as “Miracle” and “Warm Enough” show that he’s more than apt to hang with some big stars (Erykah Badu, Busta Rhymes, J. Cole, Big Sean, Janelle Monae) in their space as well. Mixing live instrumentation with its eclectic styles keeps the record fresh throughout 52 minute listen.

Sufjan Stevens — Caroll & Lowell

Seven albums in, and not only has the most innovative indie singer-songwriter of his time manage to reinvent himself once again, but he brings forth what may be the best album of his career thus far His songwriting excellence shines once again on tracks like “The Only Thing” and “Should Have Known Better”, displaying the heartbreaking love Stevens had for his parents. Though the production is easily his most stripped down of his album, it’s this exact approach that makes it hit all the harder for it.

Vince Staples — Summertime ‘06

To think that a rapper who was only previously known for guest spots on an Odd Future record would make the best hip hop debut album since Good Kid, M.A.A.D. City is still a wild concept itself, but even thinking his first album would be a double disc affair is even crazier. But as “Senorita”, “Norf Norf” and “Street Punks” are set to remind you, this record is serious business, and it’s even crazier that it all worked. No I.D. lends Vince some of his best production in years that hits you hard despite some songs being over in a flash.

Father John Misty — I Love You, Honeybear

Humorous and cynical, Josh Tillman’s knack for songwriting is still as great as ever. From the harmonic synths of “True Affection” to the soul influence of “When You’re Smiling and Astride Me”, the beautiful range shown throughout the album is one that immerses you instantly, and even a few that make you genuinely laugh at such politically charged tracks such as the self-deprecating humor of “Bored in the USA” (sitcom laugh track notwithstanding). The former Fleet Foxes bandmate has never sounded better.

A$AP Rocky — At.Long.Last.A$AP

After taking an extremely long break from the biz in London after exploding onto the scene (along with the surprising passing of his former mentor A$AP Yams), A$AP Rocky returns with his best commercial project yet with even crazier ideas, better songwriting and most spectacular production and guests to accompany him. From Miguel on “Everyday”, Danger Mouse as the executive producer, a reinvigorated Lil Wayne on “M’s”, Kanye West soulful production (and drunk ramblings) on “Jukebox Joints”, MIA on “Fine Whine” and even Mos Def closing it with “Back Home”, A.L.L.A. shows substantial growth while also retaining Flacko’s signature charm and flow as well. Excess that remain gully is the name of Rocky’s game and it’s never been better than it is here.

Leon Bridges — Coming Home

Music revival is one of the slipperiest slopes to cross in this day and age, as it can either win you acclaim or date your music and reputation from the start. Fortunately, Leon Bridges translates this old school love into a great album from start to finish. As the title track “Coming Home” transports you back to where artists like Sam Cooke and Otis Redding were surpreme, Leon makes the environment crackle like the jukebox it and other songs like “Lisa Sawyer” and “River” were meant to be played in.

Earl Sweatshirt — I Don’t Like Shit, I Don’t Go Outside

Ever the loner in Odd Future, Earl Sweatshirt releases his 2nd studio album that manages to be bleaker and more interesting than his preceding album. Surprisingly well produced by himself throughout (along with one Left Brain credit) songs like “Grief”, “Mantra” and another scene stealing Vince Staples verse on “Wool” create a dark atmosphere for a more livelier sounding, monotone-free Earl to showcase his lyricism and cynicism in one fell swoop.

Drake — If You’re Reading This, It’s Too Late

Easily his most aggressive and confident sounding album to date, Drizzy managed to shock his audience with an album that nearly reinvents his sound while knowing what still can pull in radio plays at the same time. Whether it’s the hyperactive “Energy”, the catchy melody of “6 Man” and “10 Bands” or sheer boastfulness of “Used To”, “Legend” or “6 God”, Drake leaves no expense into making this project (still unclear what it should be referred to) one that may even be bigger than the album he on the way later this year.

Miguel — Wildheart

As Miguel opens the album with the words “Accept the new, don’t mingle on the “past”, Miguel manages to reinvent himself and blend a myriad of styles into one of the best R&B albums since Channel Orange. Breaking into bad boy gangsta of “NWA” with an appropriate verse from Kurupt, the disco like groove of “DEAL”, the sexy rhythms of “Coffee” and the Jai Paul produced “FLESH”, and his varied songwriting from the expressive freedoms of “A Beautiful Exit” or the aggressive, hilarious lyrics about wanting to fuck like they’re being filmed for a porno in “the valley”, Miguel’s idiosyncratic style knows no bounds, not even to himself.

Shamir — Ratchet

Shamir is one in a long line of pop aficionados (Charli XCX, M.I.A.) that is quietly reinventing the approach to the genre. However, it’s the dark and wonky sound that songs like “Call It Off” and “On the Regular”, the downtempo and melancholy feel of “Youth” and downright madness of “Make A Scene” make this an album that betrays normal pop conventions that embraces all the sleaze but shows that more emotional moments such as “In For The Kill” that help the fellow Vegas native wear his heart on his sleeve.

Oddisee — The Good Fight

Oddisee has always shown his strength as a producer yet always faulted on his rapping. Though as the song “That’s Love” shows, Oddisee has been hard at work trying to master his hands at both. “Want Something Done” highlight his frantic flow, with “A List of Withouts” bang some new age boom bap in many coming-of-age tales. Blissful, ambitious, and consistent throughout, The Good Fight sharpens his jazzy, free formed flow that leave him only more room to grow from.

Why my heart belongs to Kyungsoo

1. his voice

  • the way he sings and how he sings: the eyebrow arches, the soft gazes, the million times he closes his eyes, i just… the first time i realized i fell for him was when i had his performance of ‘missing you’ with ryeowook at the SMtown concert on replay. that smile thing he does at the second verse he enters with? fdjklsaj i totally melted inside. look look look ;__;

    also, i personally prefer smooth, soothing voices, and that’s exactly what kyungsoo has ♥ i don’t know, but there’s just something about his voice that gets my heart pounding loud and slow in my ears every time he opens his mouth. it’s so smooth and velvety with the perfect hint of husky and jfkdsaljg there’s just so much feel to it, you know? and the way he sings, too. it’s just… the way he feels the music and lets the music feel him - the way his eyes sort of glaze over when he sings the verses, how he tilts his head when he belts the high notes - the way he uses his hands and eyebrows and his whole damn body to let everyone know this is Do Kyungsoo singing. it’s really amazing. that plus the little smiles he flashes after he finishes the song and the 90 degree bows that follow… how can you not love him?
2. how much he cares
  • he isn’t dubbed the umma of the group for no reason! i love the small gestures of care he shows the other members, making sure their mics are okay, fixing them if they aren’t, making them things to eat if they’re hungry. if you look at the way he looks at the members sometimes, you can tell it’s really personal, like a genuine friendship is there between them and i really love that about him because it just shows how many feelings he has within him, how exactly human he is.
  • suho once said thank you to kyungsoo, “who takes care of me and looks after me behind my back” (brb crying because sudo is so sweet). kyungsoo isn’t a very vocal guy about his feelings, but you can just tell how close he keeps people to his heart by the way he interacts with them. there was also that one time he waited until it was 12AM in China to text ryeowook 'Happy New Year’ when it was 1AM in Korea. he’s so nice and sweet to the people he’s close with and it makes me feel all warm inside whenever he shows that side of himself;;
3. his habits
  • i don’t know why i have a thing for this, but sometimes i’m very observant and there are specific habits that kyungsoo has that really make him unique and 4D?
    for one, he always crosses his legs when he’s sitting at airports. i don’t know why, but he just does ._. he also likes to chew on trophies (kyungsoo, what even…) and he swipes the bangs out of his face using his ring finger (or any finger, but it’s usually just one). there’s that over-the-head waving thing he does when he’s happy and he bites his top lip often too (nibbles on it actually)! he makes the cutest faces (yes, even the creepy ones) and his eyebrows tell everything for him, LOL. like

    he always


    this eyebrow action

    going on?!?!?!



  • kyungsoo style peace sign!

  • he also does weird hand and/or body motions? ._.


    HE’S SO STRANGE ; ♥ ;

4. the way he smiles ♥
  • kyungsoo has this thing where he lifts one corner of his lips before slow-smiling (and it drives me freaking crazy)

  • his heart-shaped lips explosion! ; u ;

    (brb dying ok ;_;)

5. the way he laughs ♥♥
  • idk, he kind of laughs interestingly? x) his shoulders bunch up a little and then he just kind of cracks up like “HAHAHAHA” or “TEEHEEHEEHEE” ; U ; also one of his eyes closes a little sometimes (other times it’s just both LMAO) and dfjskalgj it’s just so so so adorable ;A;

6. his reactions

    *blink blink* ;A;

    idk he just has really cute responses to things?! he’s just this serious guy sometimes and then he gets caught off-guard and it’s like FDSKALFJEK squishy kyungsoo is born ;u; you feel? you feel.

7. how serious he is

  • kyungsoo is a serious guy for the most part. he doesn’t talk much, keeps to himself a lot, mostly stays as the listener in conversations or on shows, interviews, etc. but what I really like about his serious (introverted) attitude is that he’s just really mature. like that one time on Beatle’s Code, the MCs made fun of him for having narrow shoulders and kyungsoo responded by saying that he’ll work out to prove that people with narrow shoulders can build broader ones. see, that’s another thing. he’s always working hard to become the best kyungsoo he can possibly present to everyone. when he hurt his ankle, he finished the performance through gritted teeth and couldn’t even make it to the award speech because he had to go to the hospital. but when he was asked about his injury in an interview, he said that he was regretful for not showing his best side (when really, we couldn’t have asked for more). he always tells fans to look forward to his improved sides and that he will become a “better D.O.”. it’s like he’s never satisfied with himself, and that makes me want to pat him on the back and tell him that he’s far greater than he will ever know because he deserves to feel good about himself.
  • kyungsoo rarely says 사랑해요 (i love you). instead, he says 하트? for example, if you look back on his posts on the exo-k page of the SMTOWN website, you’ll see that he ends almost all of them with the phrase “하트” - hearteu, literally a “heart”. i don’t know if this is because he cherishes the phrase or because he’s bad with expressing his feelings, but i thought that was just a very cute little kyungsoo thing he does :)
  • he’s really truthful, and i respect that about him. he’s not one to sugarcoat and be all pretentious. it’s just not in his nature. there was that one time EXO was on the radio and kyungsoo recommended the song “My Lady” to which the MC asked if he had personal experiences that related to the song. he answered right away that he did, and i thought that was really brave of him. a lot of times, stars have to keep their past on the down-low and hesitate when telling stories about their love life, but kyungsoo didn’t seem to hesitate in the slightest. he’s really bold at times even though he’s extremely reserved, and that’s when i think “ah, kyungsoo is so manly!” i just really liked the fact that he didn’t hide anything and that he was honest.

8. his 반전매력!

  • this is probably a common topic among kyungsoo stans, but kyungsoo has this thing where he has a double personality? and it’s not a bad thing at all, it’s actually what keeps us on his leash. 반전매력 roughly translates into “charms of the unexpected” or as i like to say, charms of the plot twist, and it basically sums up kyungsoo as a person.
  • example: at first glance he is petite with huge eyes with heart-shaped smiles and erupting laughter. get to know him, and he’s actually a very quiet guy who keeps to himself. he’s like a walking plot twist, i kid you not. he’s small but he has a pretty low voice, and he’s one of the manlier members of the group because he is so serious. he is the baby of the group by size, but he is actually their caring parent figure, the one who looks out for them through small gestures and encouraging shoulder squeezes.
  • example: so maybe you meet him through his photoshoot pictures (shoutout at the socool magazine shoot because holy crap kyungsoo there was just…) and you see him in his finest model!soo status. he’s hot, his gaze is mesmerizing and captive, he has that eyebrow game going strong, confidence and charisma erupting everywhere. but watch his actions behind the main camera and you’ll see that he’s actually such a big dork who likes to do weird things with his hands and hum under his breath or goof off with the members (BAEKSOO!). and it’s like, how is he so perfect? how does he have the whole package, because he is both cute and sexy all in one body ;__;
  • example: maybe you meet him via chansoo or baeksoo fancams where kyungsoo is hitting his members because of their stupidity (or if they teased or messed with him).
    exhibit a:

    exhibit b:

    thus satansoo is born and we all praise him for keeping baekhyun at bay, but off camera we see that he’s not satan at all; he’s actually the one who approaches members if he sees something off, or if he wants to help:

    the famous kaisoo one~

    dee doo dee doo~

    wipity wipe~


    He is just



9. how talented yet humble he is~

  • this guy can do so many things?!?! i mean for one, he can sing

  • and dance

  • but he can also beatbox!

  • he can model

  • he can be a doggy lover

  • or a daddy!

  • plus he can knit~

  • and he can act~!

  • but he’s always very humble and always strives to be better.

    circled portion: 7. some praise for yourself?
    kyungsoo’s answer: kyungsoo-yah, let’s put in some effort.

    he’s always saying that he will try harder next time, but still he says this to himself. the question asked to give himself a compliment but what does he say? he says “let’s try harder”. he’s such a stubborn soldier sometimes, but he’s very down-to-earth, which i love very much about him!
  • he always bows to the end, 90 degrees!

    he always says thank you~

    always until the last moment ♥

10. this is getting way too long, so… last one: his flaws ♥♥♥
  • okay, i don’t know what it is about this guy, seriously. one time i watched a 9 minute video of him screwing up everything from dance moves to introductions to singing and literally, all i could think at the end of it was “he’s so perfect”. i love how cute he is when he gets nervous, how wide his eyes become when he’s put on the spot, how hard he tries to convince himself that he hasn’t embarrassed himself (when he doesn’t, tbqh). it’s so heartwarming to hear him say that he’ll try harder next time every time he accidentally messes up, and i just feel like giving him a big hug whenever he cracks because i know he can do so much better and you can tell he’s really frustrated, too. that’s why when he did well on immortal song even with all that pressure, i was so happy for him. he almost always cracks when he’s asked to suddenly sing because of his stage fright, but i love that about him. it helps me remember that he’s not just a star but a person like i am, with his equal share of fears and imperfections. he’s not confident in himself, he’s too reserved at times, he doesn’t talk much, he’s not the best looking member of exo (in my honest opinion) or the most vocally talented by many people’s standards, but to me, that’s what makes kyungsoo, kyungsoo. he’s perfect just the way he is, the best kyungsoo-kind of perfect there is. ♥ and that’s why i love him :’)
My 10 Favorite Albums of 2014

It’s that time again, time to talk about my very favorite music that came out this year!


Christian Loeffler- Young Alaska

Young Alaska is Loeffler’s strongest effort to date, featuring carefully crafted, detail-oriented techno that is equal parts Four Tet, Pantha Du Prince, and a slowly melting glacier. If the album reflects Alaska, it’s Alaska on a sunny day with the temperature just above freezing.


Lone- Reality Testing

There are few producers as instantly recognizable as Lone. his shimmering, technicolor synths and penchant for lively, house-inflected melodies sets him apart from much of today’s grim, soot-blackened dance music. Hit single and album standout “Airglow Fires” is a perfect encapsulation of the Lone sound.


This Will Destroy You- Another Language

After the radical shift towards drone-based experimentation on 2011’s Tunnel Blanket, TWDY make a return to their more accessible guitar and keyboard driven post-rock, but with a new emphasis on songwriting craft. Another Language shows marked maturation, full of inventive key changes and improved musicianship, particularly from drummer Alex Bhore. TWDY have released consistently good albums for the majority of their career, and their continuing upward trajectory marks them as one of post-rock’s premier bands.


Ben Frost- A U R O R A

A U R O R A is punishing. From the opening screech of album opener “Flex” to the closing Venetian Snares-meets-Aphex Twin freakout “A Single Point of Blinding Light,” Ben Frost has crafted a record that can be overwhelming, practically exhausting to listen to, but also transcendent in its blasts of full-spectrum noise and distorted grandeur.


Rustie- Green Language

Rustie really wants to be a hip-hop producer. That much is clear on his followup to the incomparable Glass Swords, one of my all-time favorite albums. The album opens with a double fakeout, two glistening tracks that both feel like intros and indicate that we’re onto something different this time around. Then “Raptor” comes in, the bass drops, and everything goes crazy. Green Language sounds miles ahead of Rustie’s earlier work in terms of sound quality- the songs move and breathe like nothing he’s done before, the musical equivalent of 4K TV versus an old tube set. There may not be many rappers willing to tackle Rustie’s exuberant music, but Danny Brown absolutely slays on “Attak,” the single that perhaps best demonstrates what Rustie was aiming for with this album.


Kangding Ray- Solens Arc

Solens Arc begins with the crackling stomp of “Serendipity March,” taking you down a flight of rusted stairs to a sub-sub-basement rave lit only by blacklights and smartphones- Neuromancer techno. I haven’t heard another album this year as cohesive as Solens Arc, whose dedication to exploring rhythmic darkness stands as a singular achievement.


Animals As Leaders- The Joy of Motion

Prog metal isn’t cool. It’s indulgent, and stuffy, and inaccessible to anybody who hasn’t fantasized about working at a guitar store at some point in their lives. But AAL virtuoso Tosin Abasi is cool. His breathtaking skill and innovative technique are inarguable, but what really sets him and his band apart from their peers are their ability to take even the most treacherous riffs and song structures and turn them into something you can nod your head to. Abasi’s taste as a musician has taken a step forward, focusing on more melodic, lyrical soloing as opposed to the sheer flash of his earlier work. And new drummer Matt Garstka breathes  life into the band, the push and pull of his drumming both supporting the guitars and demanding attention, and awe, of its own. Album standout “Lippincott” features some of the coolest guitar playing you’ll hear this year.


Machinedrum- Vapor City Archives

I’ve seen Vapor City Archives described as merely a collection of outtakes from his previous album, or simply more of the same, a vein continuing to be mined to diminishing returns. Its place on my list should indicate how strongly I disagree with these sentiments. If anything, it’s better paced than its predecessor, and album standouts “Boxoff” and particularly “2 B Luvd” are some of the best tracks Machinedrum has produced yet.


Aphex Twin- Syro

It’s new Aphex Twin. That alone should be enough to sell this album, but the fact that it’s solid, gorgeous, and surprisingly accessible make it perhaps the most essential listen of 2014. A triumphant return and a reminder that nobody does it like Richard D. James.


Andy Stott- Faith In Strangers

This marks the second year Andy Stott has topped my favorite-album lists, and it’s with good reason. Faith In Strangers is a breathtaking left turn. It begins with the dolorous horns of “Time Away,” and segues into the heartwrenching, earthshaking “Violence” (which has perhaps the greatest and most ironic exhortation to “clap your hands, clap your hands” in music history). From there we get the gorgeous chorus-in-a-factory “On Oath,” and the propulsive beauty of “Science And Industry.” “No Surrender” is all aggression, and “How It Was” channels Stott’s knack for decayed sound into a surprisingly spry, danceable number. “Damage” is a, well, damaged take on the hip-hop inflected post-dubstep Rustie tacked in Green Language. “Faith In Strangers” is far and away the most surprising track on the album, a straightforward new/no-wave song composed of little else but vocals, live bass, and drum machine. It’s shocking to hear Stott write a pop song. The album closes with “Missing,” a cavernous reduction of Faith In Strangers’ totality, and a fitting end to my favorite record of 2014.


Ok so I have been thinking lately about what got me into ballet in the first place…. and I’ve come to the conclusion that I never really understood why the ballet world (please love yourselves and dont call it ‘fandom’, we are talking about High Art here) hated on Black Swan (the movie) so much.

When I saw the trailer I was completely hooked from the very first second. I kept watching it over and over again and I couldn’t wait for the movie to come out. When it did, I watched it in one single sitting…. and I was shaking afterwards. This coming from a person who had never thought anything about ballet in her life. Ofcourse I had the archetypical image of a skinny girl wearing a pink tutu in my head, but that was it. When I was finished watching the movie, I wanted to know everything. I immediately started looking for ballet videos on youtube (first ever video I saw: the four cygnets in act two of Swan Lake, I think of the Bolshoi. Ha I cant believe I remember this) and I watched them hours on end, clicking on every single video I saw in the recommendations bar. An entire new world opened before my eyes, and I was asking myself what the hell I had been doing with my life so far. From that day on, not a day went past where I didnt watch a video, read an interview, or just looked something ballet related up on Wikipedia (I remember reading every single entry on Petipa’s ballets in one day, thank the lord for Wikipedia tbh). So when I found out that most balletomanes actually despised Black Swan and couldn’t say a single good word about it, I was extremely confused. Had I missed something? Was I too much of a ballet noob to see what was wrong with the movie? I watched the movie two more times, and in my eyes, it just kept on getting better. I never once thought a single bad thing about ballet dancers while I was watching it. In fact, I came to admire them for their strength and ambition. I read in interviews how Natalie Portman trained for one year straight to get the ballerina physique, but that they did use a dance double for the full body shots. I remember thinking, well that makes sense. Not once did I think that you only need one year of training to become a full fledged professional. The whole discussion about how much Natalie danced and how much Sarah Lane danced was, in my eyes, incredibly tedious and obviously set up to get publicity for the upcoming dvd release. Darren Aranofsky never claimed that Natalie Portman was on the same level as professional dancers, only that she needed to LOOK like a professional ballerina. If he really thought she was on the same level as pros, they’d never hire Sarah Lane in the first place. I truly believe that Portman worked hard and put all her strength in getting the ballerina physique, but does that automatically mean the directors were claiming she was on a professional level? They were just pointing out all the extra effort she made to get in her role as Nina, and rightly so. And Sarah Lane claiming she didnt get the recognition she deserved… please. She was a dance double. Doubles almost never, ever, get recognised for their work: it’s not fair, but that’s Hollywood for you. And isn’t she a soloist with ABT or something? Isn’t that enough recognition? Does she REALLY need a hollywood star to mention her in her oscar speech to feel better about herself? I doubt it.

And lets not forget the impact this movie had on popular media- Veronika Part was invited to a famous American talk show, music video after music video with ballet dancers in them kept popping up, companies started using dancers in their commercials… I wont say Black Swan broke down the idea of ballet being elitist, but it certainly helped. I remember reading an interview with Diana Vishneva where she said ticket sales were soaring after the movie came out. And lets not forget the impact it had on individuals like me. Without Black Swan, I would never realised how much I love ballet.

The last time I watched it was four years ago, so I think when I watch it now, I will defintely see what’s wrong with it and why balletomanes were so worked up about it. The thing is, I get it. The character of Nina Sayers is a stereotypical one, the shy, mousy little balletgirl with low selfesteem, the control freak, the girl so obsessed with her profession she turns crazy in the end. These are all hurtful stereotypes and I know dancers are not like this. And yes, I also know there are a lot of mistakes on the whole, for example the missing of the balletmasters and so forth. But to focus on these mistakes is to miss the point entirely. Black Swan is a movie about a girl with a mental illness who wants to do her work as well as she can but can’t help to spiral out of control in the process - she just happens to be a ballerina. This is a movie about Nina, not about every ballet dancer in the world. The story focuses on the inner change that Nina makes as she’s exploring new territory - the responsibility of carrying a lead role, her relationship with her mother, her own sexuality. The ballet related theme serves as a background for her personality change, yet at the same time its intricately interwoven with said changes. But above all, its about breaking free. From her mother, from the rigorous routine of ballet life, from herself. We see how Nina turns from Odette to Odile throughout the movie - then changes back to Odette when she realises what she has done. And this is what makes this movie so incredibly good. Nina’s personal journey shows parallells to the journey she must make on stage, and at the end, these two journeys intertwine in the finale, where she reaches her final destination: perfection.