he came out of the ground shortly before homeworld’s discovery of earth, and then quickly rose to stature from his success in the courtroom. as an era 1 zircon he had much more innate ability than later zircons, and was able to keep evidence and records in his gem without the use of added technology.
during the beginnings of the gem rebellion especially, he served as both prosecution and defense for a great number of cases, some of which took place in front of the diamonds themselves.
for a couple thousand years he worked toward aristocratic treatment and actually got relatively close to being granted his own pearl - but he wouldn’t have wanted it, and thanks to a certain rebellious sapphire he was meant to defend, he realized that he wanted NONE of it.
that sapphire (shawn) convinced him to fuse and escape to earth, at which he was thrust head-first into the revolution and embraced it. only after spending time on earth did he discover his thermokinesis, as he’d had no use for it before.
even thousands of years later, he prefers a neat, symmetrical aesthetic. but he of course still indulges in more human-like pleasures with shawn. especially eating.
I WOULD 100000000000000000000% READ A HOWL'S MOVING CASTLE AU PLEASE. like who would everyone be??? How is it set up??? Which other Pens or players feature as characters???????? PLEASE, MA'AM, MAY WE HAVE MORE?
Geno as Howl, Sid as Sophie (also ‘cause Old Man Crosby will wear crocs. imagine that), Ovi as Calcifer, Nicky as Turnip Head, and Markl is a bunch of rookies described as boys who needed a home and are “dying for a good meal” (@bittybaking y u gotta make me emo like dis), and Jeffrey as the big ol doggo.
Just like imagine the scene where Howl stops the bomb but like it’s Geno and Sidney flying into his arms with no hesitation. Geno melting when his hair turns from blond to his normal brunet (can you imagine blond geno???? probably awful but the dude acts like its High Fashion) and being EMO. The final scene where Sidney and Geno kiss on the balcony of their flying house while their found family hangs out on the lawn. Ovi spitting out fire and saying that he hopes all of Sidney’s bacon burns. It’s great.
sorry I can’t come to school today it’s 13 years since three cheers was released, 13 years (and one day) since hot fuss gave us some bops, and 7 years since take a vacation! gave us some undeniable proof of ryden. see u tomorrow when this emo holiday is over.
The Project Runway Drinking Game: Brought to You by Red Robin
Let’s be real: Project Runway, a show that was once (unbelievably) critically respected for its devotion to high fashion and glamour, has devolved into a hot mess of a competition between increasingly bad designers competing in increasingly poorly conceived challenges that support what the show now truly is: an hour and a half platform to endlessly plug products of increasingly questionable quality. Between the Sally Beauty Studio, the Brother Sewing Room, the Aldo Accessory Wall, and the Mary Kay Color Design Studio, at this point the only part of the entire Project Runway studio that hasn’t been branded is the fucking fire escape, which will most likely be sponsored next season by the #4 highest selling fire escape company in the North East. Five seasons ago the producers even made the decision to take away pencils and papers from the designers (pencils and FUCKING paper) and make them sketch on *HP* tablets. It’s like sometime over the last ten years Mad Men jizzed all over this show, threw it a towel and the show decided not to use it.
The peak of this Blade Runner-esque advertising foolishness undoubtedly came last season when the designers were forced to make looks inspired by Red Robin and then speak in confessional interviews about what they think is ‘chic’ about Red Robin, most likely while a junior producer who still has integrity sat five feet away from them shaking their goddam head thinking “I owe NYU $200,000 for a degree that got me this fucking job?”
But in the rough of this unbelievable decline, there is a diamond - a big fabulous diamond that refuses to diminish in quality in any way: Tim Gunn. Possibly the only person or branded inanimate object on the show who/that is not phoning it in, after 10+ seasons Tim Gunn continues to tireless help and care about the most irritating, morally repugnant, talentless human beings when after five minutes of interacting with these contestants even Jesus would be like “kill yourself”. If Oprah and a pack of rainbow streamers had a baby, the result would be Tim Gunn. The challenges got worse. The judges got worse. The insults got worse. But Tim Gunn is and will always be amazing. Through everything, Tim Gunn is really, really what the show is about.
Regardless, Project Runway is still a god awful parody of the worst parts of competition reality television, an abomination that lacks any creative integrity that unfairly implicates the viewer and the only likeable personality involved in its production in the systematic commercial exploitation of everyone and everything on and in front of the screen.
We’re so fucking excited it’s back.
Recommended drink: start with a classy, name brand fine liqueur - then switch to lower and lower quality alcohol, naming each brand at each switch up. Drink responsibly, and make it work! Maybe!
One drink: every time a product and/or brand is unnecessarily mentioned (which is every time a product name is mentioned). Two drinks: no person capable of rational thought could ever conceivably find a link between this product/brand and fashion.
One drink: every voiceover of someone describing an amazing idea for a design while footage is shown of them sketching a design that looks nothing like this.
One drink: a designer says a seemingly innocuous comment about a fellow designer’s look and the receiving designer takes it as an insult and loses their shit. Two drinks: said designer asked for feedback in the first place.
One drink: a designer won’t give their extra fabric to another designer because “this is a competition”.
One drink: Tim Gunn is ‘concerned’ with a look. Two drinks: Tim Gunn is ‘deeply concerned’ with a look. Finish your drink: Tim Gunn is ‘enormously concerned’ with a look.
One drink: one designer telling another during the runway show that their work is good only because they are sitting next to/very to close to them, not because they really believe it.
One drink: every backstory that involves bullying.
One drink: every confessional shot of a contestant spewing platitudes about a brand that literally no one gives two fucks about and quite possibly have never heard of.
One drink: white judge likes ‘ethnic’ look.
One drink: ‘matronly’.
One drink: seriously tho what is Heidi wearing?
One drink: a plotline in the episode is that someone isn’t going to finish a design Two drinks: this person finishes their design - because every contestant always finishes a fucking design.
One drink: every team challenge where the two designers who hate each other most in the competition just happen to end up on the same team.
One drink: unnecessary German.
One drink: a fan favorite designer is not sent home despite clearly having the worst look.
One drink: the designers are not nearly given enough time to complete an extremely elaborate challenge because the producers won’t pay the minor costs involved in giving them more than one day to work.
One drink: Designers are utterly *shocked* when Tim lets them know about a ‘twist’ in the challenge, even though this has happened multiple times a season for the last 13 seasons. Two drinks: the twist is they have to make another look.
One drink: a contestant does not listen to Tim Gunn’s critique. Two drinks: this contestant gets sent home because they didn’t listen to Tim Gunn’s critique. Three drinks: this contestant voices no regrets about not listening to Tim Gunn’s critique in exit confessional.
One drink: there aren’t even three good designs put out in the episode and the judges have to pretend like one of the top three looks is good.
One drink: the contestant who has immunity puts out a sorry ass no design look that can’t even be called a hot mess because ‘hot mess’ implies effort was put into the design.
One drink: the guest judge has no relevant experience in the fashion industry and has no business even being part of something that’s as gaudy as this shit show.
One drink: a designer is asked for feedback from a peer when the peer has made an awful design and asked designer delivers most vague, brief word of compliment while not diverting eyes from their own work as to avoid having to look the other designer in the eyes while lying.
One drink: every time someone leaves the work room at the end of their one day challenge with practically nothing done then are somehow able to complete an entire look during the runway prep time despite this time being portrayed by the show as very minimal.
One drink: a designer barely uses ‘unconventional’ materials in the unconventional materials challenge even though short of committing an act of physical violence this is the surest way of getting sent home (and everybody knows it).
One drink: a winning designer from a previous season is brought in to give advice and you’re like “who da fuck?” despite having seen every season of Project Runway. Two drinks: when they’re introduced in flashbacks you’re like “Ooooh, right”. Three drinks: you then become anxious about your own life circumstances as you reflect on the sad reality that no one from this show no matter how talented they are seem go anywhere in life and that maybe you’ll end up like them.
One drink: a designer’s sexual orientation is made part of their backstory because SURPRISE they are a gay.
One drink: a designer complains about their fabric even though they picked it out themselves in one of New York’s best fabric stores with an incredibly wide variety of fabrics.
One drink: Tim Gunn will miss a sent-home designer ‘terribly’. Two drinks: Tim Gunn continues to speak volumes about this designer, raising the possibility of a ‘Tim Gunn Save’. Three drinks: Tim Gunn doesn’t use the ‘Tim Gunn Save’
One drink: the sent-home designer believes “this isn’t the last you’ll be hearing from” them. Two drinks: it’s the last we hear from them. You can go ahead and drink that now.
We hope you survived this one. Recommended Friday hangover cure: Red Robin - YUM!