it's hard to go from growing up with three huge best friends around

beginner’s guide to horror movies

Okay, so you’ve seen a few scary movies and enjoyed them, and now you’re looking to expand your horror prowess. Maybe you’ve been reading/listening to a lot of creepypasta, and you feel like you’re ready to take the plunge. Or maybe you just have a feeling that you’d like horror, but have no idea where to start. 

I’ve been a huge fan of all things creepy and scary for years. I was just reading an article called, “Horror Gems You Haven’t Seen Yet” and realized that I actually had seen almost every film on the list, so I guess that makes me an expert. So, my new baby horror fans, allow me to introduce you to the genre.

Keep reading

Haikyuu!! Hogwarts Headcanons: Karasuno

This is going to be a long one folks! This is the first of a set of headcanons I’m going to be doing for the Haikyuu!! boys. 

Sugawara Koushi - Slytherin
Sawamura Daichi - Gryffindor 
Azumane Asahi - Hufflepuff
Shimizu Kiyoko - Ravenclaw
Nishinoya Yuu - Ravenclaw (Fight me on this I love Ravenclaw Noya)
Tanaka Ryuu - Gryffindor
Ennoshita Chikara - Ravenclaw 
Kageyama Tobio - Gryffindor
Hinata Shouyou - Gryffindor
Tsukishima Kei - Slytherin
Yamaguchi Tadashi - Hufflepuff
Yachi Hitoka - Hufflepuff

Keep reading

|| hopeless triangle ||

I’m very excited to post this, and no tagging list for now since I’m writing this all on my phone.

For this story, I’m fan-casting h-rrison -sterfield as Harry Osborn, and if you’d like more stories with this concept, let me know ♡


“Ahhh, I have such a huge crush on Harry, but I’m afraid he’ll never go for a girl like me.”

Peter freezes when he hears you state that in a matter of fact manner. He quickly loses his appetite, pushing his lunch tray away from him as the apprehension quickly began to settle in his stomach.

Keep reading

Just friends

A/N wow who knew my titles could get even shittier. okay so i dont wanna be like slacking all the time, and i know i said this fic would be up last week but my mental health has been absolutely shit so im sorry. anyway 90% is dialogue and its pretty shit but yeah here you go i guess. im lowkey proud and my goal for this fic is 300 notes (i got 280 on my last one so far). if you like please like/ reblog and send me prompts!!!

WARNINGS/ TAGS: excessive dialogue, minimal editing, lots of praise, fluffy smut, riding, friends to lovers, mentions of kickthesticks oops

Dan walked around the cafeteria in his worn out converse and ripped jeans, trying to spot which table his friends were at today. As usual they were in the very corner of the cafeteria, all huddled together and laughing. Dan sat between Byrony and Phil as soon as he reached the table. Once he placed his school lunch down on the sticky table Phil instinctively wrapped a protective arm around his best friend’s waist. Phil didn’t know it, but Dan had a huge crush on him, anyone who met them definitely knew. Thats why their friends made fun of them constantly, because Dan had told them his obvious secret.

“Tone down the PDA mate,” PJ laughed from the other side of the table.

“Oh shut up PJ, you’re just jealous because you don’t have someone you can do this with,” Phil shot back. PJ just scoffed and Dan giggled, leaning into his friends touch.

“As if, Chris clearly wants PJ to fuck him,” Dan said without thinking.

“Dan! You said you could keep a secret you dick head!” Chris blushed violently and hid behind his own hands.

“Wait what?!” PJ exclaimed as if it wasn’t obvious. Everyone laughed except for Chris, who was still hiding. PJ took Chris’s hand from his face and held it while whispering something that no one else could hear.

“Oi, tone down the PDA mate,” Phil mocked.

“Oh shut up Phil,” Byrony but in, “So how long have you and Dan been together Phil?” Dan blushed and hid in Phil’s side. If they kept making jokes like this Phil would find out soon, and he couldn’t have that, it would ruin his friendship with Phil.

“Come on ass hat. You all know were not together and never will be,” Dan remarked.

“Mhm sure honey,”


Later that day they were all going out to a movie, Dan had a backpack with a blanket and “secret” snacks to sneak in for him and Phil. Knowing them, they’d end up putting away the arm rest in the theater and cuddling while wrapped in the blanket, no matter what movie it was. Dan found it as his own personal heaven and suggested movie nights each week months ago. It was his only way to get the physical affection he craves and not be teased by Peej.

“Hey Phil, do you want to come over tonight? My mums not home, we could stay up all night.” Chris asked waiting in line for their tickets.

“Sorry mate I’m already going to Dan’s tonight.”

“Yeah to fuck!” Peej laughed at his own dumb adolescent joke. Byrony giggled and nodded her head.

“You aren’t funny dick, we’re just friends!” Dan defended.

“You literally sat in Phil’s lap on the way over here,” Byrony said while giggling more, “And he played with your hair!”

“Thats what friends do!”

“Uh huh sure”


During the movie Dan had somehow migrated into Phils lap again. Phil was playing with his hair with one hand and rubbing agonizingly slow circles on Dan’s hip with the other. Dan had no clue how Phil did this and still somehow payed attention to the movie. The entire time he buried his head in Phils neck and he was imagining fucking Phil. He knows its wrong to think about these things while he’s in his best friends lap but he cant help it.

Slowly Dan started to grow hard, he shook his head and tried to think about anything else. grandma grandma grandma.

“You okay babe?” oh yeah, another thing, they always called each other babe and baby, but they’re just friends mind you.

“Mhm just tired,” Dan faked a yawn and snuggled farther into Phil’s neck.

“Go to sleep then, I’ll carry you out to the car later and wake you up when we get back to your house.”

“Mmk darlin, night.” Although Dan was faking the yawn he was quite tired, and he wanted to stay up late tonight. He decided it was best to just stick with the lie and go to sleep on Phils chest.


Dan was currently snoring lightly on Phil’s chest and muttering something incomprehensible while being carried out to the car.

“Oi, wake princess up,” Chris snickered.

“I’ll just sit him on my lap and buckle him in with me. Let him sleep asshole.”

“You know he likes you right?” Byrony stated matter of factly.

“Yeah right, stop joking guys, you know I like him, theres no need to get my hopes up,” Phil scoffed and sped up towards the car.

Their three friends shook their heads behind him. Dan and Phil would find out eventually. Right?


“P-Phil,” Dan said lightly while tightening his grip on him. Phil thought that Dan had woken up so he responded with a small “hm?” but got no response. They had just dropped off Byrony and now were heading towards Dan’s house. Since Phil didn’t get an answer he just assumed Byrony slamming the door woke up Dan for a split second.

That was until Dan grinded against Phil’s thigh. Phil felt a surge of arousal shoot through his body. Dan did it again and Phil gasped. Dan opened his mouth to moan again but Phil quickly covered his mouth. He couldn’t believe this. His best friend, not to mention his crush, was having a wet dream. In his lap. In the back of their friends car. Moaning Phil’s name! Phil debated waking him up, or just waiting until they got home and ignoring the whole situation. His awkwardness decided the second option was best.

Only seconds later Dan was grinding again and panting against Phil’s hand which was still covering his mouth. Phil prayed to every god he could think of that this car ride would be over soon because he was starting to get hard under his sleeping friend. He knew that he shouldve moved his hands from where they were on Dan’s hips because he didnt want to invade his friends space during a dream like this. Phil’s self conscious had a different idea though and moved his hands somewhere worse. Dan’s plump ass. He knew it wasnt right but he couldnt fight his instincts. Dans grinding slowed, but only so that he could push back into Phil’s hands.

Phil squeezed hard and Dan’s eyes shot open.

“Oh no,” Phil whispered almost completely silent.


“Okay guys, we’re here.” Peej announced from the front seat, “See you guys Monday. Have a good weekend.”

Dan slowly and cautiously crawled out of Phils lap, careful to hide his hard on from his friends as they said goodbye. When Chris and PJ pulled out of Dan’s drive way Dans mouth failed to make a sound even though he opened it.

“I’m so sorry Dan! I dont know what i was thinking but you were grinding on me- and- an- and you moan- moaned my name! My body was just reacting I’m so so so sorry!!” Phil spat out quickly.

“Hey, ba-Phil, don’t worry, its okay, I lik-” Dan paused and didnt finish his thought, “Lets just go inside. We dont have to talk about it if you dont want to okay babe- Phil.”

“Oh god I’m so sorry for making things awkward I didnt mean to but you kept going and oh god im so sorry-”

“Has anyone ever told you that sometimes you need to shut up Philly?”

“Make me,” Phil shot back but instantly regretted it. “Oh my god I didnt mean t-”

He was cut off by Dan’s lips against his.

“Do you really think you touching my ass bothered me? You even said yourself that i was moaning your name idiot.”

“Shh,” Phil joked and grabbed Dans hand. The kiss had boosted Phil’s self confidence, and he thought back to what his friends said about Dan having a crush on him. “How about we go up to your room baby? We can handle the little problem I have and sort our relationship out afterwards.”

“O-okay,” Dans usually dominating voice was small and timid now. He led Phil into the house and tugged his hands up the stairs. He wasnt leading because Phil didnt know where to go, of course he did, but because Phil was going at the slowest pce possible so that Dan would have to wait. “Please Phil, come onnn~” he whined.

Once they reached Dans room he flung the door open. “Calm down baby, you’ll get what you want if you wait.”

“But I want you now-” Dan was going to continue complaining like a child but he was cut off by a kiss.

Phil pulled away and smirked,“Thats pay back for cutting me off earlier dick.”

“Philly! No cussing!”, he playfully hit him on the chest. He was glad that his crush changed nothing. Hell, him grinding on his friend while having a wet dream changed nothing. They were still best friends and this moment made that clear to Dan. Phil smiled goofily at him and leaned in again, only to end up kissing Dan’s cheek though because Dan moved at last minute. Dan giggled and did it again when Phil attempted another kiss.

“Oh whatever babe, now come on, I wanna kiss you more.”

“Hmm- Nope.” Dan slid out of Phil’s grip and giggled as he ran across the room and leapt onto his bed. Phil chased after him, laughing also. He sat down next to Dan and just gazed at his friends eyes.

“You’re so gorgeous Dan,” he said as he reached out and cupped his face, “Can I kiss you again?”

“I dunno can you?” Dan teased. Phil rolled his eyes and leaned in slowly. Their lips collided and Dan swore he could feel his heart beating out of his chest. It all seemed so real, Phil’s hand in his hair, Phil’s lips on his own. Quickly he became paranoid. Even though they had this moment of goofing around would their friendship change after tonight? Would they end badly? Apparently Phil could hear him thinking because he pulled back.

“Dan, baby calm down. We can stop if you want, we dont have to do anything. We can even pretend this never happened if thats what you want. I would never do anything to hurt you love.”

“I’m just scared- I want you though, now come here again,” They kissed at Dans pace and soon Dan leaned back and rested his head against the pillows. “Will you touch me? Please? I dont care what you do. Just please-”

“Of course princess. Can I straddle you?” Dan nodded and Phil climbed into his lap. He lowered his hands down to Dan’s sides and looked up for consent before putting his hands under Dan’s shirt. It was all so intimate, Dan couldnt help but moan at the light little touches running up and down his chest.

“Please- just give me more please baby I’ll do anything.”

“We’re gonna go slow okay? Just wait and you’ll get what you want.”

Phil took Dans shirt off after asking if it was okay and slowly started to kiss over his chest. “You’re so pretty, have such a nice chest and a lovely stomach.” He pinched Dan’s side in a joking manor and smiled up at the giggling boy.

Dan blushed and looked away,“Oh come on youre just saying that,”

“I know you just found out I fancy you, but ever since we met I have thought that. Youre truly breathtaking Dan, and if youll let me I’d really really like to touch you right now.” He kissed down Dans stomach, closer and closer to his pant line.

“Plea-” His plead was cut off by a loud moan as Phil kissed his dick through his skinny jeans. “More. More More More Please!”

Phil unzipped Dans skinny jeans and started to pull them off. They got stuck at mid thigh and Dan burst out laughing. “Stop laughing you dick!” That only made him laugh more. Phil silenced him though by mouthing over Dan’s briefs. Dan gasped as soon as he felt the warm sensation through his underwear and Phil could feel his friends cock twitch.

“How far do you wanna go love?”

“Can- I- um-” Phil was sliding Dans skinny jeans off fully as Dan was attempting to speak.


“Can you fuck me?” Dan said in one breath. Phil smiled up at him while he took his own shirt off.

“How about you ride me? That way you can control the pace baby. Does that sound nice?” Dan glanced at Phil’s exposed chest and was only half listening when he nodded. “Have you ever prepped before? If you know what im trying to say…” Phil stared down at his feet and blushed as he was saying this. Dans confidence had shot through the roof with all of the compliments Phil was giving him so he decided to go with his cocky response.

“Of course I have, I did this morning in the shower. Thinking about your nice thick cock. I want it everywhere. In my hand, in my mouth, in my ass.” Phil groaned and hurried to take off his own skinny jeans while Dan kept going. “I even did after school too, before the movie. I was thinking about you touching me the whole time. Thinking about your fingers trailing all up and down my chest. Thinking about your lips nipping at my neck-” he was cut off by Phil doing just that. He left a love bite right above his shoulder and then carried on with more all over Dan’s neck. He left one right below his jaw, one on his collarbone. Anywhere he could reach.

“So I dont have to stretch you then?” Phil laughed in a teasing way and asked Dan where he kept the lube.

“Be-bed side table-” Dan blushed as Phil pulled Dan’s boxers down.

“Hm? Why are you so nervous? What else am i going to find?” He said casually as he slipped off his own boxers and reached for the drawer.

When Phil opened the bed side table he expected pornos, or the pair of joke hand cuffs PJ got Dan last christmas. But not all of these. No. He would never guess that dan would have these.

Lets just have a run down of what exactly Phil was looking at. A drawer full of bright pink and purple dildos. And vibrators. And lacy panties. Black ones to be specific. And two bottles of empty lube and one fairly empty bottle of lube. His jaw dropped as his picked up a huge vibrator. Phil would say that hes a pretty big guy down there but this fucking vibrator was at least ten inches.

Dan hid behind his hands as Phil examined all of the different vibes and such.

“Hm.. maybe we’ll have fun with those later, but for right now I think I’ll just have you ride me.” He smirked again cheekily and Dan just rolled his eyes and grabbed the last bottle of lube and a condom.

“Shut up and turn over so I can ride you, you dick,” he said as he rolled the condom onto Phils dick.

“Oh look at Mr.dominant coming out. Who wouldve guess you’re dominant with all of those toys in there?” Phil snickered at his own joke but Dan just hit his chest and shut him up with a kiss.

Since Dan was acting so needy Phil decided it was best to just get on with it. So he had Dan straddle him and positioned his cock right at Dan’s entrance. As Dan slowly sunk down onto the tip of Phil’s dick they both groaned. Phil had to try with all his might to keep his needy teenage body from bucking up into Dan.

“Oh god- can I go further?” Dan asked.

“Of course you can doofus.”

Dan tweaked his nipple for that comment; which was simultaneously causing pain and pleasure for Phil. He began to go further, taking in an inch at a time and pausing to groan and take a breath. It was pure agony for Phil to just sit there completely still so he tried to distract himself with praises for Dan.

“Good job baby boy, you take me so well, look so good like that.”

While Phil let these praises out Dan had nothing to do but gasp and moan. When he finally got all of Phil’s cock inside him Phil stopped with the praises and instead bit all over Dan’s neck again. The love bites from earlier were already starting to fade since they were nothing more than a little nip, but Phil was determined to leave a mark this time. He sucked and pulled at the skin with his teeth, pulling away only a couple times to kiss over the freshly bruised skin. When he was done leaving a bright red mark Dan was panting and pleading him to let him move.

Of course Phil immediately told him to go whenever he was ready so Dan began bouncing up and down. Even though Phil knew Dan was a virgin he guessed by all of the sex toys that Dan was used to having something up his ass.

“Please Phil, its not enough, I need you to fuck up into me~”

Phil listened and started to thrust up at the same time that Dan was coming down. He knew he found Dans prostate because Dan gasped and went even faster at the same angle.

“God baby you look so good, fucking yourself so good. Can’t wait to see your pretty face when you cum.”

These little comments only seemed to spur Dan on more, but soon it was too much and he was completely wrecked. He lifted himself up off of Phils cock and laid next to him.

“Phiw- is too much- need you to fuck me, m’ legs are too tired…”

“Of course they are you lazy oaf,” after his remark Phil got right to it. He slid his cock right back into Dan and started to thrust back and forth. He could see Dan getting needier by the second, begging for more and blushing and gasping. Phil was entirely blissed out by all of the sounds Dan was making and by how good it felt.

“Do you think you can cum untouched baby?” Dan nodded fiercely and moaned at the though of it. He reached behind Phil and pulled him down closer by his neck.

“Fuck- Phil I’m getting close-”

“You look so good baby, I bet you’ll look stunning when you cum. Begging for more, youll look so perfect.” Dan moaned at his words and started to grind back against Phil movements. Phil found Dans prostate again and pounded into it relentlessly, still letting little praises come out. “Such a good boy. Take me so well. You feel so good.”

Dan writhed on the sheets beneath Phil and clenched his sheets tight with both fists. “I need you Phil- need to kiss you.” Phil obliged and leaned down to kiss the needy boy beneath him while keeping the same speed.

“Are you going to come baby boy?”

Dan groaned and released as a response. He felt as if he was floating for a second. His vision got blurry as he released white streaks all over him and his best friend. When Phil saw the completely blissed out face of Dan he locked eyes with him and released inside the condom.

As Phil pulled out Dan found himself feeling empty. Even though some of his toys were huge, none of them felt that good. Phil reached over to Dan’s bedside table and grabbed some tissues that were obviously there for this reason.


“No- no talking now please. Jus’ some cuddles please?” Dan looked up with a pleading, almost innocent look and Phil just couldnt resist. He threw out the tissues and the condom and laid next to Dan. Dan instantly wrapped his legs around Phil’s waist and arms around his neck and kissed him swiftly on the cheek. “Night cutie, we’ll talk in the morning over some pancakes and tea okay?”

“Sounds great love, goodnight.”

You’re drunk

Fandom : Teen Wolf

Isaac Lahey x Reader 

Warnings: mild smut , underaged drinking 

Word count: 1214


Scott would kill you if he saw you in this state. Luckily he wouldn’t.

Since the boys decided to go camping for some “Pack bonding between boys”, Lydia had this amazing idea to throw a party.

Summer brake had begun and everyone was super excited when the strawberry blond girl texted everyone she knew to tell them she’d throw a party end everyone was invited.

That at least would explain the state you were in, grinding on body’s belonging to people you didn’t even know. You decided to wear a pair of low cut shorts and a white tank top to the party.

Some boys thought it would be a good idea to soak everyone and ran around with water pistols filled with alcohol and water, so there you were, dancing in a mop of wet people with your now see-through tang top.

You didn’t even care that every boy was staring at you with lust-filled eyes, you felt good.

Malia, who was drunk as well, locked eyes with your dancing form and laughed when you were winking at her. ,,She’s really drunk” Lydia stated looking at you and to Malia afterwards.

,, Yes she is…”

When you saw both of your friends,you danced over to them, grabbed them by their hands and pulled them in the crowd of dancing people with you.

All three of you started laughing when you danced to the beat of the loud music. Lydia started taking pictures and uploading them to snapchat.


Stiles nearly fell off his camp-chair when he started playing Lydias snaps and saw you licking salt from Malias belly.

,,What are you watching?” Scott asked his best friend amused by his shocked face. ,,Uh . Actually. Lydias snapchat,  I think I’m hallucinating Scott.”

Scott raised an eyebrow and took his own phone out opening snapchat and watching Lydias story.

,,Wow… that’s new.” he stated staring at his phone.

,,What’s new?” Isaac asked walking out of his tent curiosity written all over his face. ,, The girls are throwing a huge party without us!” Stiles said upset throwing his arms in the air in protest. ,,What?” He asked a bit confused.

,, Yeah, Lydia posted this snap of  y/n  licking salt from Malias belly after taking a shot, I guess they are doing some “bonding” as well..” The Alpha explained rubbing his neck.

When a loud growl came from the sky above them and rain started to pour on them Scott stood up looking at both of his friends.

,,Let’s go”


The three of you were in the kitchen talking about boys. You were sitting on the kitchen counter eating a slice of Pizza while Malia and Lydia were leaning against the wall.

,,y/n when are you going to tell Isaac that you’re head over heals for him?” Lydia whined looking at you which earned a approving nod from Malia.

,, Lydia, I’m not head over heals for him… I just think he’s cute AND he’ll never feel the same about me anyways!”

,, Gosh y/n , even I can smell the sexual tension between the both of you! He is practically taking your clothes off whenever he looks at you!” the strawberry blond explained looking you directly in the eyes, smirking when you blushed.

Leaving the kitchen some boy pulled you to his chest smiling at you and dragging you to the dance floor again. He looked quiet good but he smelled something in between beer and mint-gum which made you wrinkle your nose in disgust. But you decided to go along with it and started grinding against his body, smirking when he grabbed your hips and squeezed them a bit.

When Isaac entered through the front door he scanned the crowd for you , unable to find you in the enormous crowd of people. He walked up to Scott who managed to find Malia and Lydia.

,, Hey have you seen y/n ?”  the werewolf asked  his friends.

,,yepp” Malia croaked out popping the ‘p’ and pointing in your direction. When he saw you grinding against another boy he furrowed his brows and a low growl left his lips. ,, be right back..” he said walking towards you.

The boy you were dancing with was slowly getting hard and you could feel the bulge growing in his pants. You frowned a little bit when his arms disappeared from your body and he wasn’t pressed against you anymore.

Just seconds later muscular arms wrapped around you from behind again and a smirk appeared on your lips again. Thinking it was just another guy you started to grind against him as well and you were trying to dance extra hot, letting a hand trail over his arm , grinning when you saw the goosebumps you were leaving behind.

Isaac inhaled sharply when he felt your ass pressed against his crotch. Slowly he leaned forward and started placing butterfly kisses all over your neck.

He grinned when he felt you shudder under his touch and whispered in your ear. ,, I had no idea you were so dirty y/n”

You turned around in shock looking at Isaac in disbelieve, blushing and biting your lips when you noticed his hand were still grabbing your hips firmly.

When he heard your heart picking up its pace, he knew it was because of him. A smirk was slowly creeping onto his lips and he suddenly felt very confident.

,, Isaac I didn’t know you would  come?” you were clearly surprised to see him standing in front of you. If you weren’t drunk you would have never dared to make your next move,  crashing your lips against his.

The boy responded to your kiss with a low growl. His hands gripping your ass firmly as the kiss was growing more and more heated with every second.

,,Isaac” you moaned into the kiss letting one of your hands trail through his locks. He could taste the alcohol on your tongue, softly biting on your bottom lip. The boys eyes were no longer the pure baby blue, they were darker than usually and filled with pure lust and desire.

,, You’re drunk” He laughed and smiled sadly at you. ,,Isaac I promise you that this isn’t because I’m drunk”

,, y/n .. I- “    

,, No ! Isaac listen to me” you interrupted him stroking his cheek with your soft hands. ,, I’m in Love with you.. I really am. The alcohol just gives me the courage to tell you.”

He looked shocked, now it was his heart that was racing, he was speechless. When he noticed the look on your face , pleading for a response he crashed his lips at yours again and intertwined  his fingers with yours.

,,I love you too y/n”

You smiled brightly at him blushing when he leaned in to whisper in your ear again. ,,But promise me that from now on I’ll be the only one you grind against?”

Nodding you bit your lip , looking up at him you noticed that  he was smiling. When you went to this party and started drinking you never thought it would come to this point, so it was no wonder when you started to feel sick.

,, Isaac , I think I’m going to throw up”

Deranged: Part 1

Originally posted by taehyungifs

“Sometimes human places, create inhuman monsters.” -Stephen King

Warning: Will contain violence and tense situations in later chapters

 Teaser  Part 2  Part 3  Part 4  Part 5  Part 6

Keep reading

Impossible: Part 8

Summary: Prompt: ‘I’m a superhero and you’re my arch nemesis but we don’t know each other’s identities and we’re actually best friends’ 

After the truth about your secret identities was revealed, you’ve helped the Avengers right your past wrongs, wiping your former evil organization off the map. However, Bucky never forgave you and kept his distance.

When the unthinkable happens, will Bucky have to live the rest of his life never having made peace with you?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Mutant!Reader

Warnings: Violence, Swearing (always), blood, angst

Word Count: ~4,398

A/N: I know I should have posted this earlier. I just wanted to make you all sweat a little… because I’m an asshole. I actually had trouble deciding if I wanted to continue this series or leave it was it was.  *Gifs not mine!*

This is for @bookybuns‘ ficfest!

This chapter was inspired by Stay With Me by Sam Smith.

Masterlist // Previous Chapter // Next Chapter

Originally posted by littlemisssyreid


It was agony.

Your breath left you in a rush as the bullet pierced your skin; as it ripped your body apart. You couldn’t tell exactly where it hit, but you knew it was bad. You should have felt more pain but it was quickly fading.

“(Y/N)? (Y/N)!!” Bucky yelled, hands flying to your arms, eyes wide in fear and shock.

You opened your mouth to speak but no words came out. Your legs gave out and suddenly Bucky was the only thing keeping you from crashing to the ground. He lowered you slowly, cradling you in his arms. You heard him calling for help- yelling at passersby to call and ambulance- but you didn’t pay attention to that. You were busy memorizing every detail of his face. The exact shade of his eyes. The way his dark brown locks framed his handsome face. How his scruff had begun to get a little long.

You reached up slowly and placed a hand on his cheek. His gaze snapped to yours, panic clear in his eyes. You rubbed your thumb over his cheek gently and you felt a smile sneak its way onto your lips.

You mustered some of your quickly fading energy. “I’m glad you’re safe,” you croaked out. You felt blood trickle out of your mouth, which Bucky quickly wiped away with his thumb.

“Shh, shh, (Y/N). Don’t talk-” he whispered frantically, glancing around for help. Anything at all. Anyone.

“I think you were right about the car-” you broke off. A racking cough ripped through your body and you winced. Maybe you could still feel pain, after all. “-too conspicuous,” you murmured. Your vision had begun to fade, grey and black creeping into the corners.

“Please, save your energy-” he said, clutching you tightly to his chest. All at once he scooped you up and began running.

“Hey,” you said quietly, voice barely above a whisper. “Take care of Gabe for me, alright? He’s never been on his own before. Not really,” you said, voice getting weaker by the second.

Were you breathing? It was hard to tell. Your body wasn’t relaying information to your brain anymore.

“Take care of him yourself, (Y/N)!” Bucky said stubbornly, refusing to believe what was happening.

“Y’called me by my name,” you mumbled, eyes fluttering as the world began to fade out around you. He said something again, but you couldn’t hear all of it. You thought he told you to stop talking again, but you couldn’t do that. Not yet You had one last thing to say.

“-love you, Bucky,” you hissed out, your breath a death rattle in your chest.

If he said anything else, you didn’t hear it. With your peace said, you welcomed the darkness. Nine hundred years was more than enough for one person, after all.

Keep reading

Nothing Pt. 2 (Jungkook/Reader) Ft. BTS

Genre: Angst X Slight smut

Words: 3,774

Author: Admin Nan

Summary: When I first met her, I could see a younger Y/n. (Warning: slight smut, mature themes, and swearing)

If you haven’t read the first part, you are missing out. Find it here in this link.

Keep reading

A List.

In celebration of me living on my own for almost exactly a year now, here’s a list.

If you’re a mentally 12 yo person who suddenly finds themselves in a flat of their own and has no idea how to adult, hi! Me too. Here’s a list of things I’ve realised are essential p much from the start:

  • some sort of paper towel. Toilet paper, napkins, anything. You can do a lot of cleaning with just paper towels. 
  • Toast. Toast is my best friend. You don’t need any of the other foods, as long as you have some toast.
  • (A toaster. Not as important as the toast itself, but makes all the difference in enjoying it. Also makes you feel like you’re an adult for some reason?? I mean, you’ve got a toaster. V adult.)
  • At least one pot/pan.
  • (unless you’re vegan) Milk. You wouldn’t believe how many things you need milk for, and how fast it’s all gone. (Maybe this one’s just me though. I love milk)
  • (again, if you’re non-vegan) EGGS! YOU CAN MAKE SO MUCH OUT OF EGGS. YOU CAN MAKE SCRAMBLED EGG, HARDBOILED EGG, PANCAKES, COOKIES, CAKE, YOUR OWN BREAD okay, maybe that’s for later. But have eggs. They also almost never go bad if you keep them cold enough
  • Coffee. Even if you don’t like coffee (wtf) you’re gonna want coffee. You’re an adult now. You’re gonna have people visit you, and, presuming you’re not the most social person in the world, you’ll want to be able to do something other than talk. Making coffee is a great excuse to move around, and won’t even seem rude! Also you’ll need coffee because seriously, how else do people survive
  • I have realised that this has almost solely been about food up to this point. And food is important, but you know what’s even more important? Sleep.
  • BUY A BED. A REAL BED. NO, NOT JUST A MATTRESS. Honestly, you’re gonna want a bed. You’re not gonna want to buy one, but do it. It’s worth it. And when you’ve purchased one, ASSEMBLE IT. OR MAKE YOUR FRIENDS ASSEMBLE IT. DON’T SIT ON THE CARTONS FOR THREE WEEKS. 
  • Something to organise your clothes in. Doesn’t have to be a huge wardrobe, maybe just a clothes rag and some boxes/a shelf. NOT the boxes from your move. That’s gonna turn into the biggest mess real soon, believe me this one took me way too long
  • More than one mug.
  • Plates. Also more than one. Because IF you ever decide to show off your phenomenal cooking abilities, it’s a real bummer to find out you’ve got nothing to present your perfectly reheated chicken nuggets on.
  • At least one big mixing bowl. You don’t even know how many things you’re gonna want to mix. But you’re a free person now, so, as long as you’ve got a bowl, you can do about anything! But don’t eat an entire bowl of raw cookie dough. Just don’t. Seriously.
  • Sponges. You’re gonna need so many sponges. Also soap. Also more sponges.
  • Scented candles. Because scented candles are great.

I’m by no means an expert, but I have survived on my own for almost a year now, so basically I just wanna pet myself on the shoulder for that thanks me @ me u survived


Based on x

Sasuke was never much of a party person. It was a myriad of disasters waiting to happen, what with the hordes of people, thundering music, and enough alcohol to kill a blue whale. What was a quiet, reserved introvert supposed to do? Have a conversation with the only interesting thing in the room, the counter? Sasuke doubted he’d even know any people at this place, it was some club that his housemates wanted to spend the rest of the night at. Sasuke was new to the city, he’d moved out to it, across the country from his small hometown, in order to start university. There weren’t any prestigious schools back home, you see, and if Sasuke had any hope of making it in the competitive world, he’d have to suck it up and figure out how to make it in the city life. Luckily, his major was psychology, where his career goal was to become an adolescent psychologist. His work and study loads were often too hefty for him to have any downtime, much less social time.

So, he had to ask himself, why had he allowed his housemates to drag him all the way out here to some club he’d never heard of? Was it because Karin kept begging him to get out and enjoy life? Was it to make Suigetsu stop teasing him for being so introverted and shut in? Or, was Sasuke hoping this single, cautious venture would get his friends off his back? The answer was, ding ding ding, all three. The chances were slim, but hey, a guy can hope, can’t he? Karin said she’d been to the club a couple of times before, though it was fairly new, and she swore up and down it was a cool place. Flashy lights, good dancing music, great drinks, and an assortment of people to mingle around. For Karin, it sounded great. For Sasuke, it sounded like a nightmare. A bunch of sweaty bodies grinding against yours, a headache from the booming music, and hardly enough air in the room for everyone to breathe, nightmare. Sasuke had gotten used to hearing that he should “leave his comfort zone” and try new things, but for god’s sake, wasn’t moving hours away from home all on his own to start a demanding new life enough? That was a pretty damn far leap out of comfort for anyone!

Keep reading

Essays in Existentialism: Arkers

modern clexa au: clarke griffin is the famous singer in the band “The Arkers” and lexa woods is a top model everybody adores. words gets out that they’re dating and the two have stated on multiple times that they’rejust friends. (spoiler alert: they’re totally not.)

The house was silent, was quiet, was void of all sounds and because of that it was a glorious slice of heaven in the middle of a maddening city. With no effort left, Clarke tossed the mail on the counter to be checked later, dropped her bag in the middle of the floor, opened her empty cabinets only to close it against disinterestedly before trudging down the hall and flopping face first and star-fished straight into her big, fluffy, wondrously perfect bed.

She wasn’t sure what time it was, and for a bit, without at least a little effort, she wasn’t positive which time zone she even inhabited at the moment, but none of that mattered. She had time, she had the day to herself, and she had glorious plans to suffocate in sheets and never move.

Keep reading

Echoing Souls.  CaptainSwan BigBang 2017

Hey shipmates, here is my contribution to the CaptainSwan BigBang 2017

Summary: Young Professor Swan leads a quiet but hectic life as the newest member of the Anthropology Department at University of Maine at Storybrooke, as well as being head curator for the University’s brand new museum. Killian Jones is a hardened detective who forms one half of the best homicide team in the small city of Storybrooke. When tragedy strikes, Emma and Killian find themselves thrust together, each feeling an inexplicable and frustrating attraction to the other. As the young couple works to find answers to the mystery that will take them on a journey together, they will also explore their undeniable chemistry and connection. Sometimes the universe has plans wherein the past, present, and future converge to assure that destiny is reached in every life.

Rating: Explicit 

Content Warning: minor character death 

First off, special thanks to @ilovemesomekillianjones for supporting me through this adventure and for always having the right words when I have struggled.

Secondly, a huge thanks to @swanemma and @jenswans for their collaboration with artwork. Each chapter that links to their work will be credited and tagged.  

For Chapter one we have the wonderfully talented @swanemma

Will also be posted on FFN and AO3

Also tagging some readers who may be interested. @ultraluckycatnd @katie-dub @its-like-a-story-of-love @lenfaz @cat-sophia @xhookswenchx @mayquita

if there are other out here who want a heads up please let me know. 

Chapter 1: Beware the Dark

Emma Swan rounded the corner of the hall, taking the short flight of stairs down into the converted basement offices. Even the addition of new lighting and carpeting couldn’t disguise that it was still a basement. Someday, maybe she would graduate to an upstairs office with a window, but right now the basement office was the place to be.

Stopping on her way to her office at the end of the hall, she opened the TA’s lounge to see if her personal assistant was anywhere in sight. Seeing the small brunette sitting at a table with a few other graduate students, Emma entered the room and poured herself a cup of the worst coffee that Storybrooke had to offer.

“Belle, did the shipment arrive yet?” Emma tried not to notice how a few of the students jumped up when she entered and started grabbing their books. This University wasn’t a happy one. The departments were fragmented and at war, and the Department Head was a first-class jerk.

“Oh no, not yet, Emma…um…Professor Swan!” Emma smiled at Belle’s lapse in using her name and then calling her professor. It really didn’t matter to her, but ‘The Powers That Be’ had sent out another memo last week reminding all Department Heads that a certain amount of professional decorum needed to be maintained at all times between faculty, staff, the underpaid student workers, and the students themselves.

Keep reading

A New Chapter (Ch. 4): A New Life

Characters: Dean Winchester x Platonic!Reader, Sam Winchester x Platonic!Reader, Dean Winchester x Mia Walker (OC)

Length: 1057+ words

TW: (Minor) Character Death

A/N: It’s a short chapter, but at least they’re reunited! Feedback is encouraged, but not necessary. Let me know if you want to be tagged, or removed from the Tag List!

Catch up on the Hell on Earth Series HERE

Five Years Later

Y/N graduated in Honours Nursing five years later. The girl whom had panic attacks at the sight of blood overcame her fears to do what she loved doing, helping people. She transferred from a General Science to Nursing in her second year, realizing that she wanted to do a more practical program. Luckily, her school offered a co-op program where she had placements for a term in the last two years of her program where she earned a little more money than she was used to through working in the library.

After the fight with Dean, Y/N had trouble opening up to people. The first person she ever trusted broke her heart, and their relationship in the span of months, and she never wanted to feel that pain ever again. So, she closed herself off from people, only talking when necessary. Jasmine was the one who broke her out of what shell, to help her trust in people again, and to teach her how to behave around other people.

She picked up a bartender job halfway through her first year, getting her license over the Winter Break when everyone went home. Jasmine was the one who helped her get her bartending license, and get her a job at the bar near the university, having worked at the bar since she started school. When money was tight, they resorted to dancing at the strip club. A lot of people from the university were seasonal workers there, trying to earn money to pay off their student loans. It was a competitive job, but through their connection from the bar, they were able to secure a position. Jasmine introduced her to her boyfriend, Matt, who was a physics major in their university. Their group of three expanded to four when they met Sean. He was a math major who was a TA in the same term as Matt, and through Jasmine’s prompting, the couple tried setting him up with Y/N with no luck. Despite their shortcoming as a couple, they became such good friends, and often ended up acting as “couple” in certain situation.

She was living comfortable in her apartment. When she wasn’t working or in school, she took up kickboxing, and boxing in general, aside from some self-defense class. She suggested it to Jasmine as a form of protection when they went home late at night, and Jasmine agreed. One of the things that Y/N liked most about Jasmine was that she never asked questions about her past. She’s mentioned that she’s had a hard past, and she didn’t like talking about it, and Jasmine understood completely.

Sam tried keeping his promise about keeping in touch as best as he could, but with Dean’s spiralling temper, it was hard for the youngest Winchester to talk to her as much as he would like. They rarely talked about Sam’s side of the story. He insisted the less she knew about the world of monsters, the safer she would be.

Keep reading

Books A-Z.

Inspired by @macrolit (<3 !!!).  I’m a political theory and philosophy type, so a lot of my favorite books are really more… Dry social science?  I’m gonna try and confine this to fiction and literary non-fiction/essay and less like… Super long form journalism, or idk early-European state formation à la Tilly (as much as I love it).  Anyway, here goes.

A - l’Atlantida by Jacint Verdaguer.  

This is Catalan epic poetry par excellence.  Among other things, it chronicles the tales of Heracles in the Iberian peninsula and the sinking of Atlantis.  Verdaguer was a significant figure for the Catalan literary movement known as the Renaixença, which revitalized Catalan as a language of literature, politics and philosophy.  It’s an area of research for me, and Verdaguer is easily my favorite poet, so this holds some special charm.  I… Don’t think it’s been translated to English?  But you can probably find it in Spanish.

B - Books v. cigarettes by George Orwell.

My favorite of the Orwell essay collections published by Penguin.  The titular essay is a great, but I also highly recommend “The Privation of Literature” and “How the Poor Die”.  Everything in this is great (and still super relevant) commentary on class, intellectualism, and mass politics.  “My Country Right or Left” is in here and should be on every high school social studies reading list every semester. (EVERY SEMESTER.)

Keep reading

My Girl (Staurt Twombly One Shot)

I sighed heavily as I gripped at the manila folder in hand, the anger boiling deep inside me while Graham, yet again as per usual, made an asshole comment toward Zach, our overweight group member.

“You’re so fat, man,” he muttered, making a face in disgust. “So fat…”

I pressed my lips together as I tried to hold back my own snarky comment, but bit my tongue instead. With that he finally dismissed our team for the day.

As I collected the rest of my things and began heading out, I could feel myself deeply regretting the decision to ever come in for an internship at Google for the summer before my graduating year from Stanford. Well, more like I regretted ever agreeing to team up with Graham.

I rolled my eyes as he eyed me up and down the minute I began making my way toward the exit. From the get go, I knew he hadn’t bothered to pick me for his team based on my merit, but merely because of my looks. He made that extremely clear.

“Will I be seeing you later then, beautiful?” he smirked.

“Nope,” I stated simply, slamming the folder right into his chest and making my way out. He huffed out in slight annoyance, but desire.

“Always playing hard to get,” he said through his accent, not bothering to hide his smirk. “I love it.”

Ignoring the comment, I immediately reached down for my purse in attempt to pull out my phone and distract myself a little further while I continued to walk. I huffed out in annoyance as I continued to dig, but couldn’t find it. An audible gasp and small shriek escaped my lips as I ran into someone.

“Whoa, whoa,” an unfamiliar voice cried out, reaching out for my arms and quickly grounding me. “I’m so sorry about that!”

I quickly turned over to look directly into a wrinkled smile and kind blue eyes. Instantly, I was able to recognize one of the older interns Graham was so set on destroying.

“You’re fine,” I breathed out before finally gripping the familiar lump and pulling out my phone from my purse. “Thank you.” With that I lowered my gaze onto the screen and attempted to maneuver my way past the old man.

“Whoa, whoa, hang on there,” he began, his hands pulling me back by the arms. “You’re (Y/N), right? Part of Graham’s team?”

“Yeah,” I nodded, looking up to him, my brows furrowing slightly.

“I’m Nick,” he smiled, dropping his hold on me and extending a hand for me to take.

“Pleasure,” I responded rather curtly as I looked back down to my phone screen.

“Look at you,” he seemed to chuckle. “You remind me of a certain team member of my own. Nose always stuck to that small four-inch screen. Uh, maybe you’ve met him.” He made a gesture and I barely glanced in time to watch him point over to someone in the distance. My eyes followed. “Stuart. Stuart Twombly.”

The minute my gaze landed on the boy, I felt my throat constrict and my cheeks burn up. Of course I knew who Stuart Twombly was. We both had gone to the same high school, graduated the same year, hung around the same crowd of people. He was the same boy I had been crushing on since my freshman year. However, he never knew I even existed.

It was a huge surprise when I came to find out that he had joined the Google internship program as well. That first day, when we were split up into groups, I had hoped to join him, but Graham beat me before I could even approach the boy.

During the first challenge, I would steal glances toward him every now and then. Watch as him and his team mates would frantically write against the clear board trying to figure out the bug in the code. However, the minute he’d take notice that someone was watching, I’d instantly look away. It wasn’t until the second challenge that I tried to interact with him, but as usual, he was glued to his phone. During the second half of Quidditch, I purposely dropped the quaffle in order for Stuart to get a hold of it and score for his own team, earning them the big win. For a brief moment we exchanged smiles that day, but it never went past that.

“I take that as in you do know him?” Nick gave a laugh, snapping me back into reality.

“I—I might have been acquainted with him,” I stammered, lowering my gaze yet again as my face only grew hotter.

“Whoa, wait a minute,” his expression seemed to twist into that of sneaking suspicion. “Do I detect a little something for our little Stewie?”

“N—No. I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I cleared my throat and held my head high, straightening my composure as if to seem uninterested. “You guys are the enemy, according to Graham. The competition. And besides, Google policy is: say no to love. Even if I was interested—which I’m not—it’s not going to happen.”

“Now, now,” he shook his head and chuckled. “I can see straight through the act. There’s no need to pretend you’re even on that asshole’s side. I’m sure you’re a pretty smart girl. Maybe a current student attending UCLA or something—”

“Stanford,” I corrected.

“Even better,” Nick shrugged. “You know that following Graham will only take you so far. And policy or not… You gotta live a little sometimes. I mean take me for instance; I was told I’m not allowed to go after a certain sexy Australian in management, but yet I took a chance and asked her out to dinner some time.” He paused as he looked down to me, pointing a finger. “Now I saw that glint in your eye. It was just enough to tell me everything I need to know.”

“Which is?” I gulped slightly.

“You care about Stu. You’re interested,” he smirked slightly. “And a little birdy once told me… He seems to be pretty interested in you too. Do with that what you will.” He seemed to shrug before walking off. “It was nice meeting you, (Y/N).”

I squinted my gaze as I watched him walk off toward his group, clapping his hand with Stuart in greeting before getting back to their own work. The boy’s eyes flickered over to me briefly, a small awkward smile creeping upon his lips before tentatively waving toward me with two fingers. Could the bump in have been on purpose?


Later that day, I sighed heavily as I slammed the empty tray over the bar counter, my calves burning and my feet throbbing with regret. Much like every other night I took up a shift at the bar, my body begged me to stop wearing heels. However, that seemed to be nearly impossible with the kind of job I had.

Even though Google provided me with a lot of things, I still had bills to pay, and the internship was just that… An internship. Meaning, I had no money whatsoever. With that being said, I took up a part time job as a waitress slash bartender at a local strip club.

Sure, I could have easily taken up a waitressing job at any other restaurant or bar, but Brass Rail was known for its huge tips. In one shift, I could easily pay for my car and phone bill. And the best part about it all, I didn’t have to take my clothes off for the money either. However, policy did state that my appearance had to be presentable. And by presentable, I mean I had to wear promiscuous outfits, especially if I wanted to make great tips for the night.

“Why don’t you take the rest of the night off?” Patty, the bartender for the night, asked as she wiped the bar counter clean. The woman was a few years older, but she had become a really close friend of mine and she most definitely looked out for me. “You’ve been working hard for the past couple of days. And besides, shouldn’t you be back at home working with your team to create that new app or whatever?”

“No, Graham got it all covered,” I said with a roll of my eyes.

“Either way, I think we’ve got it covered. The night’s still young, maybe you should go out and have some fun!” Patty encouraged as her lips curved into a playful smile. “Maybe find yourself a cute boy or something. You’re always too busy with your internship and here that you never have any time for yourself. Find yourself a cutie.” It took me a minute to realize she was nodding toward the entrance. “Kinda like that one.”

My eyes flew over to the door, quickly landing on the familiar boy that stood at the front of his group, nose buried deep into his phone. Instantly, I felt my eyes go wide as I caught sight of his friend and team mate, Nick. He quickly grinned as he noticed me and began reaching out for Stuart, who didn’t bother to acknowledge him.

“Oh no,” I gasped, quickly spinning around and gripping at the counter behind me.

“What?” Patty asked. “What’s the matter, sugar?”

“I—I know him,” I stammered.

The music continued to blare throughout the club, the bass bouncing, while Patty took a moment to herself and gasping.

“Ahhh! I see where this is going!” she shouted over the sound. “You like the boy, don’t cha?”

“Kinda,” I admitted guiltily as I turned back to her feeling myself wanting to panic. “But he’s never noticed me.”

“Then make him notice you,” Patty smirked. I gasped as she suddenly reached over the counter and toward my already see-through romper, ripping at the buttons in order to reveal more of my black laced bralette and stopping just an inch before my belly button. She ran her hands through my hair, adjusting it before turning me back to face the group. “Now grow some ovaries and go to him!”

I stared at the boy with wide eyes for a moment before sucking in a deep breath and starting my way over to them. You could do this. You got this, (Y/N). “By the way! You’re officially off the clock! So whatever you do from here on out won’t be held against you!” Patty shouted after me.

“Show you to your table?” One of the topless girls asked as she approached the group. Her eyes landed on Stuart, about to make a move before I stopped her in her tracks.

“I’ll take care of this one,” I assured her with a small smile. He hadn’t bothered to tear his gaze away from his phone.

“Great big world out there, my friend,” Nick said, his fingers making their way under the boy’s chin. “Just three inches up, I beg you.”

His eyes slowly lifted, growing slightly as he finally noticed who stood before him. I bit my lower lip as I felt a surge of confidence grow from within me.

“Hey,” I greeted simply.

“Hey,” he said breathlessly.


“(Y/N),” he nodded, seeming dazed. “I know.”

Nick’s lips curved into a huge grin as he pushed him toward me.

“Experience the world, Stewie,” he encouraged. “There’s a whole lot more outside that phone screen.” I looked over to Nick, nodding in appreciating before turning back to the dazed boy that stood before me.

“What—what are you doing here?” Stuart asked.

“I work here,” I responded, taking his hand and leading them to their table.

“You’re not—”

“I’m not a stripper,” I laughed as I turned over my shoulder to look at him. “I’m a waitress slash bartender. I needed something to pay the bills while I’m doing this internship at Google.”

“In that case, you can hook us up right?” Nick asked as he rushed his way forward. I grinned and nodded.

“Shots on me, guys,” I said, coming to a stop and turning over to Stuart. “But only if this one dances with me after.”

He pushed on his glasses and opened his mouth as he turned to his friends, unsure of what to say before Nick and the others nodded in encouragement.

“O—Okay,” Stuart agreed.


Everybody cheered as I made my way over to the table, carrying the large tray containing the fourteen shots of tequila.

“Before we do this, (Y/N), meet Billy, Lyle, Neha, Yo-Yo, and of course you know Stuart,” Nick quickly tried to introduce as he clapped his two hands together. “Now we can all indulge into some good ol’ shots knowing each other’s names! Let’s go!”

“It’s about time this group had a night,” the other man, known as Billy said.

“Let the good times roll!” Nick shouted.

“Bingo!” Billy agreed.

“There’s two for everyone,” I grinned as I placed the tray down and my way over in order to sit next to Stuart.

“Alright, here we go!” Nick cheered, picking up a shot and handing it over to the boy known as Yo-Yo. “Bottoms up, bud!”

“Oh, I—I can’t,” he stammered.

“What? You’re twenty-one right?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, but my mom says alcohol numbs the brain,” Yo-Yo shook his head.

“Look, I’m not saying a shot of tequila’s the first step on the journey to self-respect, but goddamn, maybe it’s a step in the right direction. Maybe?” Nick finished off, handing him the shot as we all took one in our hands. “Your call.”

The boy hesitated for a moment.

“One shot!” Yo-Yo finally said, holding up a finger rather sternly.

“You’re gonna want that other one, dude,” I grinned as I edged myself closer to the table, holding out my shot.

“Anyways, CHEERS!” Billy shouted as we all brought our shot glasses and clanged them together before taking the swig of alcohol.

“To the night you’ll never remember!” Nick cheered.

We all turned to Yo-Yo as he was the last to take his shot. He hesitated for a moment before forcing the liquid down and shutting his eyes tightly. We all waited for a moment as he shot up out of his seat and began screaming.

“YEAH!” He shouted.

“All right!” Everyone cheered.

“One more!” Yo-Yo cried out, reaching out for his other shot glass.

I gripped at Stuart’s hand and intertwined our fingers the minute we finished our last shot and began leading him to a clear opening. Whether it was the new found confidence that began blossoming after Patty or maybe it was the tequila taking over, I felt myself growing comfortable enough to dance.

“Holy shit,” Stuart breathed out as I turned my back to him and wrapped his hands around my waist, moving my hips along with the rhythm. I gave a satisfied smirk as I pressed myself against him, allowing him to move along with me.

We had gotten halfway through the song, grinding against one another before he stopped. Stuart quickly turned me around, keeping his hands over my waist while I wrapped my arms around his neck, enjoying the closeness.

“Can we talk?” He finally asked, gulping slightly.

My smile faded as I looked up to him, letting my hands slide down from his shoulders to his chest.

“Yeah sure,” I nodded. He took up my hand and lead me back to the table, where the rest of the interns had cleared up in order to have their own fun. We both sat down, Stuart instantly dropping his hold on my hand before wiping it against his jeans and looking down.

“Uh. I—I have to confess something,” he stammered.

“What is it?” I asked, my brows furrowing slightly, attempting to scoot closer to him.

He hesitated for a moment, noticing the closing space between us.

“Is it horrible timing to say I’ve liked you since freshman year of high school?” He asked. My smile faded slightly as my eyes widened. “Maybe it’s the tequila talking…”

“N—No. I—I mean, you have?”

He simply nodded.

“I just never thought I’d even get the chance to do this with you,” he admitted, finally finding the courage within himself to turn to me and motioning between the two of us. “I always figured you didn’t know I even existed. I mean, I know I’m not the greatest person ever. I don’t like people and I hide behind snarky comments, so I come off as an asshole, but…” His eyes softened. “I like you. You’ve been the only person I’ve ever really liked.”

I kept my silence as my expression lifted in awe.

“When I saw that you took this internship at Google, you were the only person I wanted to team up with. Especially knowing your background. I mean, you were Valedictorian in high school, so obviously you’re really smart—like, really smart. So, when I saw you walk in through those doors, I thought… maybe this is my second chance, my time to grow some balls and actually talk to you and work with you, but then I saw Graham beat me to it, so I gave up,” he lowered his gaze again as he shrugged. “I grew bitter. Became more of an asshole… I just didn’t want to team up with anybody else.” I pressed my lips together as I felt myself smile.

“I like you too, Stuart,” I finally said, taking up his hand. He looked up to me, surprise lining his features. “If I’m being honest, I’ve liked you since freshman year too. I just didn’t have the courage to talk to you and get to know you better back then.”

His lips curved into a small smirk as looked to me from the corner of his eye, a new sort of confidence about him showing.

“Well, in that case… wanna start over?”

I chuckled and felt my smile turn into a grin.

“I’d like that,” I nodded.

“Drinks?!” I heard a familiar voice shout over the booming music. Quickly turning over, I finally noticed Patty standing around with a tray full of shots, a smirk plastered over her face.

“YEAH!” Yo-Yo cheered as the others came swarming in for their drinks.


After a few more shots and other various drinks, both Stuart and I began to loosen up. Talking and laughing the night away. Just a few feet ahead of us Neha began bouncing up and down, before running up and taking me by the hands and leading me to the dancefloor. I quickly turned back and grabbed a hold of Stuart’s hand, bringing him along.

The beat began to pick up and I moved my body to the rhythm while Neha tried to grind against me. I laughed as Stuart stood back, dancing about rather awkwardly. An idea suddenly sparked as Neha was dragged away by one of the various strippers in order to receive a lap dance. The tequila was definitely taking over this time.

I led Stuart back to the table before tossing him back into the comfortable chairs. His glasses fumbled a bit before he pushed them back with a laugh. I smirked before quickly climbing over him, straddling him and giving into the music. My first official lap dance over the guy I had been crushing on for six years.

My hands ran through his dark hair, his glasses messing up along the process as I drew closer to his face. His own hands made their way down to my hips, moving me along his lap. I smirked as I lowered myself just inches away from his lips.

“Look at what we got cooking here!” Billy laughed as we both continued to move along. “Ready?” I snorted and moved in order to rest my head over Stuart’s shoulder as the giggling took over the minute a flash of light spotted over us and Billy finished taking our picture.

“Exchangeagram moment, bitches!” he cried out, while the two guys high fived.

I threw my head back and laughed as I continued to grind against the boy once Billy left us to our private moment. The tequila was definitely talking for me as I lowered myself once again, my body not bothering to stop. My hands gripped at Stuart’s face as he watched in amazement, slowly lowering them down to his shoulders. I bit the corner of my lip for a moment as I drew closer to him. He stopped, having caught on as one of his hands made their way over to the crook of my neck. Our breaths slowed down as they came out in low shallow huffs. Without further hesitation, we both collided, our lips finally connecting. Whether it was the alcohol or something more, my head swirled and for a moment I could have sworn that sparks flew from all around. The whole place seemed to grow quiet for a moment. It was just the two of us and from deep inside, I felt a surge of emotions begin to pour out into the long awaited kiss. The moment I had been anticipating was finally happening and it completely surpassed any fantasy I had ever had. He was an amazing kisser and the chemistry was beyond what I had ever imagined. The make out session ensued the minute we began to move our lips against one another.

“(Y/N)?!” A familiar voice called out from behind. I quickly pulled away with a gasp, my whole body tensing up. “What the hell are you doing with these losers?!”

“Graham,” I muttered, turning my attention to the boy.

“I’ve been calling you fifty thousand times,” he held out his phone, his brows merging. “Zach said you’d be at work, but I see you’ve been doing far more than just work.”

I quickly climbed off of Stuart and looked down in shame. Even though I hated the guy, I didn’t want to be kicked off the team. It was still a great opportunity to work at Google, even if that meant I had to deal with Graham the entire time. If I was kicked out, there went my chances.

“You’re coming back with me,” he demanded, snatching up my wrist and pulling me with him. “We have work to do!” I tried to yank myself away, but it was useless. Turning back, I noticed the anger flicker over Stuart’s face as I stared back apologetically, stumbling behind Graham. It was bound to happen, being a part of his team, I wasn’t allowed to interact with the competition. Especially Stuart.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” Nick held out his hands in the air as he stepped between the exit and Graham. “What seems to be the problem here?”

“It’s not any of your business, old geezers,” he spat out, attempting to maneuver past the two.

“Come on take it easy,” Nick grinned as a few other guys began approaching the scene. Graham’s posse no doubt. “Is this the Jets and the Sharks all of a sudden? Montague and Capulets?” Stuart pushed his way through, finally facing Graham and his grip suddenly tightened around my wrist. He smirked as he pulled my body closer to him, wrapping an arm around my waist. I cringed and tried to push away from him as he lowered his face to mine.

“(Y/N) is part of my team. She’s my girl, isn’t that right, sweetheart?” He drawled out as he tried to kiss my cheek. My brows furrowed and I pushed him back, the anger I felt obvious by now.

“I’m not your girl!” I spat back. This seemed to please him as he gave a laugh.

“She sure loves to play hard to get,” Graham smirked, turning to the others. “Now, if you’ll excuse us. We need to get back on track to beating you guys.” He turned to me, wrapping an arm around my waist. “Come on beautiful.”

I made a face and tried to push away his arm.

“Get off of me—”

“Don’t touch her,” Stuart grumbled, stepping before the two grown men that tried to hold him back, his hands shaking as he balled them into fists. Yo-Yo, Neha, and Lyle soon appeared just behind.

“Oh yeah?” Graham huffed, seeming amused. “What are you going to do about it?”

I gasped as the strobe lights suddenly turned on and the fighting began. Stuart was the first to throw a punch and lock against Graham’s jaw. Indistinct shouts began to echo throughout the place as the others joined in.

“Stop!” I cried out, trying to pull Stuart away from Graham.

“AHHHHH!!!!” Yo-Yo ferociously yelled as he climbed over a table and jumped on someone’s back. I shrieked and stepped back as Graham fell over on his back, Stuart punching furiously.

“STOP!” I shouted again.

“Stay away from MY girl!” Stuart cried out, his hands gripping at Graham’s collar before raising him for a second and slamming him right back down. My eyes widened slightly as I stared in both shock and awe. He had called me his girl.

“My mother hits harder than you!” Yo-Yo shouted, instantly snapping me back into reality.

“YEAH! Down goes Frazier! Whoo!” Neha cheered as she kicked someone’s groin. “What’s up—oh, shit!”

My eyes widened as the security guards all began rushing in, picking up the girl and attempting to escort her out.

“See you again! I’ll kill you!” she shouted as she struggled against them. “Hide your kids! Hide your wife!”

One of the bigger ones finally managed to yank Stuart away from Graham.

“That’s how you party!” Stuart shouted in pride before being escorted out. I pressed my lips together as I fought back my laugh before attempting to follow after.

“(Y/N)! Where the hell do you think you’re going?!” The boy cried out, his body still laid out as he tried to raise himself on his elbows. “Get back here!”

I stopped and turned to him, my expression hardening. Maybe I would regret my decision later, but I had had enough of Graham for one night.

“No,” I responded. “Find yourself another team member. I quit!”

“You can’t quit! You’re mine!”

“No,” I shook my head. “I’m Stuart’s now.”

Just a few steps ahead, the boy stopped and looked to me in awe as I turned to him with a smile. Stuart suddenly grunted as the security guard kneed him and pushed on to get them out. My eyes widened and I quickly rushed over to help.

“We’re too hot to party!” Yo-Yo shouted as a security guard yanked on his collar. “That’s why they got to kick us out! Cause they’re gonna call the fire department! Why don’t you bring it outside the party?!”

“WHOOO!” Lyle cheered on.

“No more fun, c’mon,” Nick sighed as he grabbed a hold of the two boys and led them out.


Stuart and I sat back on one of the picnic tables by the Golden Gate Bridge, one of the few spots made to take in the beauty of it all. The boy groaned slightly as I lightly tried to clean up his wounds. I made a face and chuckled as he lightly pushed my hand away, not being able to stand the pain.

“You really took a beating back there,” I muttered.

“Well, I couldn’t stand around and let that asshole disrespect you like that,” he grumbled, his eyes glued onto the bridge.

“Would you look at that view?” Nick sighed out as he made his way closer to us, clapping a hand on Stuart’s back and causing him to wince in pain. “Buddy, you were an animal out there tonight!”

“Right,” Stuart scoffed, resting his elbows over his knees and looking down.

“No, you were!” Nick shook his head. “I’m sure (Y/N) agrees with me!”

I simply nodded.

“Thanks for standing up for me,” I smiled, keeping my gaze on him. Reaching out for his hand, he turned to me for a moment as we intertwined our fingers and I scoot my way closer to him, resting my head over his shoulder.

“Awe, would you look at that? Looks like you two really hit it off,” Nick grinned. “Glad my plan worked!”

“You set this whole thing up?” Stuart asked, his eyes squinted as he turned to the man in disbelief. He gave a shrug as he stuffed his hands into his jean pockets.

“I had a hunch you two had a little somethin’ somethin’ so I thought why not?” Nick chuckled. “It sure got you to loosen up, Stewie. Plus, I figured it’d give me some brownie points so you’d warm up to me.” Stuart fought back a smile before turning to me as I nuzzled myself closer to him.

“Thanks man,” he said, turning back to Nick.

“What up with it, hot thing,” Lyle continued to sing along, making his way over to us as he texted away. “Hot thing, hot thing…”

“Lyle!” Nick called out. “Looks like you also hit it off tonight. Saffron, right?”

“Yeah, I’m texting her that I love her and I’m sending her this picture I just took of little Lyle when he made pee in the bushes,” he slurred. “Look, he’s winking!”

“No, Lyle. Lyle, Lyle, that’s a horrible idea,” Nick shook his head. “Please don’t do that. You’re drunk off your ass.”

“I appreciate your concern, but I’m flying, baby,” Lyle responded with a high pitched chuckle.

“Okay, Lyle, you’re not flying,” Billy joined in, shaking his head. “What’s seventeen squared?”

“Two eighty-nine. Why?” Lyle asked.

“Give me a harder question that that,” Billy sighed as he turned to us. “You know where I’m driving with this.”

“Try, uh, maybe square root of seventeen,” Stuart suggested.

“Like, four point twenty-three? Maybe?” Lyle answered uncertainly, his expression becoming puzzled for a moment.

“That’s the app,” Nick gasped. “That’s the app we should do right there!”

“What?” Billy asked. My brows furrowed slightly as I sat up straighter, not bothering to drop my hold on Stuart.

“Some quiz questions you gotta answer before you can send a drunk text or a drunk email or phone call. Something to protect you from yourself,” Nick continued.

“Wait, you guys still haven’t come up with an app yet?” I asked.

“No,” Stuart shook his head.

“Well, that’s actually a pretty good idea,” I nodded.

“Can we do that?” Billy asked.

“Hells yeah, we could do that,” Neha scoffed out with a nod.

“Are you shitting me? I could program the shit out of that bitch on the bus ride home,” Yo-Yo slurred as he kept his laid down position.

“I could help with the customization and settings,” I suggested, my eyes landing on the drunk boy. “Considering the condition of the main operator.”

“Wait… You’re going to help us?” Billy asked, his expression twisting into that of confusion. “I thought you were with Graham.”

I grimaced as I looked down and tried to force a smile.

“Actually, I don’t belong to any team now, so there goes my internship,” I shrugged. “Which means you guys aren’t the competition anymore, so I could definitely help.”

Nick and Billy turned to one another while the others looked amongst each other. Their expressions lit up as they finally looked to me.

“(Y/N), how would you like to be one of our fellow Nooglers?” Nick offered. My eyes widened and I felt myself grin.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, can’t leave Stewie’s girlfriend behind now, can we?” Nick chuckled.

“I’m in!” I huffed out in excitement.

“C’mon then!” Billy began standing up.

“Let’s roll!” Nick announced. “Let’s get back to HQ!”

“Hey, wait, wait,” Stuart stopped everyone. “Let’s—let’s stay, like, five minutes, you know?” His eyes flickered over to me. “Just enjoy the view a little more.”

“Yeah, all right,” Nick agreed.

“Okay!” Billy sighed out and sat back.

Stuart hesitated for a moment as he looked directly into my eyes, his face slowly inching closer to mine. Before I knew it, he took up the crook of my neck and our lips gently met for a moment. From all around, I could hear the rest of the group start to cheer, causing us to laugh through the kiss and ultimately break away. I rested my head over Stuart’s shoulder as he pulled me closer, our eyes landing back to the rising sun over the ocean. What a way to end the night.

(A/N Crystal): Okay I know this blog is supposed to be Teen Wolf related but omg I had to because Stuart is just ugh. Beautiful. Anyways. I’m so sorry for the quality. I’ve been locked out from my computer so had to post through phone. Sorry for any mistakes! Hope you guys enjoyed!

Why you shouldn’t be so quick to judge Tony Stark...

I’ve seen a lot of this on the Internet… talk about how Tony Stark has no right to assume Steve Rogers is his “friend” in the Civil War trailer, given how badly they’ve treated each other over the years and how - let’s be honest - downright abysmally Tony has treated Steve. But before we rush into “HE’S A VILLAIN!” and coo over the snuggly-wuggly scenes between Bucky and Steve and talk about how much we hope they’ll kick Tony’s ass back and forth like a titanium football… let’s actually take a moment to break Tony down and figure out why he is so dead set on arresting - or even murdering - the Winter Soldier.

Tony Stark is still suffering from, in some form or another, narcissism, PTSD, and a whole host of other diagnoses we can only really try to pin on him as “fanon”. Given the way he treats people and how he acts, I would assume he never had close relationships with anyone as a child (especially considering he had no siblings and his parents likely didn’t pay him much attention, given that Maria was a socialite and Howard was distracted with 50,000 other things, and Tony even draws attention to this in Iron Man 2), which explains why his adult socialization consists of networking at events and galas (trust me, not as much fun as one would think), screwing random women he has no emotional attachment to whatsoever, and hanging out for hours upon hours in his lab with only Dumm-E (his first robot, whom he treats like shit as a way of showing his affection) and JARVIS, who has basically been programmed to pick up after him and assist him with the things he’s literally too insane/genius to remember (again, we could look into diagnosing him with other disorders following his symptoms, such as Asperger’s or ODD or even possible childhood abuse and other things that would interfere with his social relationships, understandings, and how he interprets everything around him, but let’s just leave it with what Marvel has given us canonically in the MCU). Even his relationships with Pepper and Rhodey are volatile as all hell.
He’s self-sabotaging in every single way, an angry selfish self-abusive man with alcoholic tendencies and no idea how to connect to people on a more warm, soulful, intimate level. He doesn’t understand what “friendship” is. And so, on the outside, he may appear to be snarking at Cap’ whenever he gets the chance, but that’s simply how he thinks you’re supposed to treat your friends. And everyone just accepts that that’s Tony - he’s a little broken, or a lot broken, but he’s trying. And it’s the effort that they all seem to appreciate. 

So let’s talk about Cap and Tony. Tony had to grow up listening to his father talking about his amazing, incredible man that he had known - that he had helped to create - who was not only strong and powerful and skilled enough to change the face of the war when hardly anyone assumed he could do it, but who had this incredible sense of judgement, of wrong versus right. Someone who believed in freedom, justice, and atonement for one’s atrocities. So now not only was Tony brought up in the shadow of a man who had reinvented and resculpted the way technology worked in the modern era - huge shoes to fill with his own business, intelligence, and engineering skills - but he’s also having to constantly live up to this revolutionary, incredible, wonderful person whom his father just couldn’t let go of (mention in the first Avengers movie, Tony bitterly comments on how his father “could never stop talking about him”). Who knows how long he hunted for the Valkyrie? He could’ve still been talking about finding him when Tony was a child, even if on the back-burner, and one can only imagine how much a young Tony with paranoid narcissism would be terrified of being replaced by this “god” his father was obsessed with. 
Then he meets this god, and immediately the hackles are up. He’s offended - why the hell didn’t SHIELD call him about what they were doing? And then, while he’s already feeling pretty raw, he meets this man who strolls in all justice and fairness and following orders (the last of which is the exact opposite of how his own mentality works). And it’s the man his father talked about for years, obsessed over, and so he’s immediately feeling attacked and vulnerable, and very very defensive. Over the movie, the two of them learn to work together, even if they don’t always see eye to eye.
In Ultron, Tony is quick to remind Maria Hill that Cap is in charge, even though he does pay for everything - he doesn’t stick around to find out what she wants, he’s quite happy to let Cap handle what Cap has to handle. And when Cap has a plan or gives orders on the battlefield, Tony doesn’t fight him - he knows who the leader is, and he does his job as a passive-aggressive piece of shit, but the respect is there, even if at times he lets his bitterness and rage and jealousy from childhood come out. It’s hard to be the bad boy or the antihero, struggling inside a web of torture and pain and self-hate and confusion in your own head, when someone else seems to have themselves together so easy. A lot of people take Tony’s narcissism and general dickish nature as him being an overbearing asshole - which he is, but that covers up a whole hoard of issues and insecurities that he just can’t face, especially not now, after everything that has happened. He has to be a rock, he has to be strong. And the more he feels his rage grow, the more he lashes out.
It’s been years between Avengers and Ultron. Who knows what Cap and Tony have been through in that time, raiding bases together, fighting alongside each other, trying to make sure the other doesn’t get killed. Thor tells Cap, “You and Stark secure the sceptre” - we all know how much Thor wants that sceptre back on Asgard, would he really trust a volatile concoction of two team mates he knows aren’t friends to bring it back? No, he knows that Stark and Rogers respect each other enough to get the job done, no matter what. That speaks volumes for how much their relationship must’ve grown over those years as they’ve learned to trust each other and fight together; even if there is a lot of tension still between them, as we see during some parts of Ultron (this is probably brought about by how tense Tony is about the whole “I’m the guy who killed the Avengers” thing), I imagine that the two of them actually function quite well together despite their differences, and have probably had some close-to-friendship moments in the quite wake of battle when they two of them have been feeling both vulnerable and victorious.
So are Tony and Cap friends? We don’t really have enough information to say otherwise. We only get these glimpses through the two-to-three hours Marvel allows itself for its movies, so all we can really do is go by the comic books, in which they’ve even been said to be FWB by the writers. I’m confident enough based on psycho-analysing the two of them through their movies that they were friends, even if their friendship could never extend to what Tony/Bruce or Steve/Bucky’s are.
[Bonus points: It may just be because Steve was the closest to him physically, but let’s just remember who it was instinctually Tony rushed to first when he saw them all laid out dead on the ground in front of him in the Scarlet Witch’s fantasy ;) This could be a huge indicator of how much a) Tony fears for Steve’s life, or b) Tony looks to Steve to lead them and take control of a situation that seems hopeless.]

A lot of people are throwing Ultron back in Tony’s face as a reason he’s a giant hypocrite. While we all like to laugh at the fact that he “created a murder-bot”, let’s take a few moments to actually remember why he did it.
PTSD is one of those things that never really goes away, you just learn coping mechanisms - while Tony may have proven (in Iron Man 3) that he isn’t reliant entirely on his suits, and got over some of his PTSD, a huge amount of it still exists. And as he realizes that he has a world to protect, as we’ve all seen, he is driven mad by a fantasy Scarlet Witch puts in his head, and tries to build something so that people won’t have to risk their lives, so that his friends won’t have to fight. “Isn’t that why we fight - so we can end the fight?” Whereas Steve seems to subconsciously be okay with total war all around him, Tony has had enough - his whole life has been about death and destruction, and he’s finally feeling years of guilt and regret. He doesn’t want to fight anymore, he doesn’t want to lose anyone else - he just wants it to end. 

The first person to hugely betray Tony was Obidiah Stane, who attempted to kill him (let’s remember this was back when he wasn’t used to flying all over the world as a superhero yet) and steal his company, and whom he found out had not only been selling his weapons to Islamic extremists and Ten Rings behind his back, but also arranged for his kidnapping and execution. Obi had been someone Tony was close to in the same was he was close with Pepper or Rhodey - he trusted him because he had to, because Obi ran the things he couldn’t due to his own mental instability. Obidiah was his father’s friend and trusted comrade, and he attempted to murder him in cold blood, several times.
JARVIS has been a part of Tony’s life for so many years now. When Tony is there, in the air, and his suit is failing and falling apart and he’s on the edge of death, JARVIS is the one voice he hears - always calm, always logical, always ever so slightly sarcastic. But now, JARVIS is gone. I don’t think Tony was thinking properly when he wanted to input JARVIS into the body Ultron had been building - he was terrified, and he wanted to do everything he could to help. He probably didn’t even realize he would be losing his best friend in the process, a best friend he thought was dead for days until he discovered him again. Now that friend is gone, it’s been months, and he’s probably missing JARVIS like a dead sibling. Vision made it very clear that he wasn’t JARVIS, nor was he Ultron - he’s a new creation, and probably isn’t exactly bonding with Tony considering he’s at the warehouse training for the Avengers with everyone (based on what we see at the end of Ultron).
And last, but very much not least, is the one person Tony actually connected with on some real sort of level - the man he genuinely believed understood him, the man who promised he’d have his back and whose back he also had. The man he actually smiled around, opened up for, invited back to his lab for playtime - these aren’t things Tony Stark does lightly, but when he first met Bruce Banner, there was something magical there which is why so many people ship them across the Internet - Bruce Banner had managed to touch a chord somewhere within Tony that I don’t think anyone - not even Tony himself - knew existed. Real friendship, genuine friendship, the type one would die for. Who catches Iron Man when he plummets from the sky and ultimately wakes him up at the end of Avengers? And who is the one who, for the first time ever, doesn’t treat Bruce like an explosive monster set on a hair trigger? Tony actually respects the man enough to help him build a suit to make him feel safe - has he ever done anything nice for anyone else? And I mean, not just nice, but thoughtful - he’s tried several times with Pepper, but with Bruce he instinctually knew what he wanted and needed to feel safe. If there was ever to be a Bucky to Tony’s Cap, it would be Bruce Banner.
And where is Bruce now? As far as we know, he’s still missing. Chances are, he hasn’t contacted anyone, including Natasha and Tony, and is trying to figure his life out. Tony had the best of friends, someone he actually connected with and who probably gave him some sort of purpose in life other than his suits. And now, he’s gone. He was violently ripped away from him in the heat of battle, when he didn’t have a chance to say goodbye or even realize he was gone until it was too late. The void Bruce left in Tony’s heart when he vanished must be astronomical, and on top of an already bruised, broken, betrayed man, this isn’t a good thing for his mental stability.

In CA2:TWS, Steve and Natasha talk over some of the murders and assassinations that the Winter Soldier has been behind whilst he has been under the control of HYDRA. We see a cut out from a newspaper article about Howard and Maria Stark’s car accident. Howard Stark was on the forefront of technology at the time he was murdered, and had helped to found/fund SHIELD - he was targeted by HYDRA, assassinated by the Winter Soldier, and it was all covered up as a car accident. 
Imagine now if Tony were to find out that Bucky killed his father. Tony and his father were never close, but we have no idea what happened in that relationship… Maybe things were finally getting better now that Tony was a young adult and he and his father could work the company together. Maybe he finally had the relationship with his father that he had always wanted and craved as a child, or was working toward it at least. Maybe there was some light there, and he was finally in a place where he felt happier. And then his father and mother were killed, he and Obi inherited the company, and the last family he had was gone. And when you imagine it, imagine it on two different levels…
Firstly, it’s a huge betrayal to him. This is a man he has fought beside, and now he is refusing to at least hand the man who killed his family over to be tried and investigated - he’s harbouring a fugitive who has committed many murders, including Tony’s own parents.
Secondly, it’s a huge betrayal to his father, who was betrayed by a former friend, Obidiah Stane. Captain America… this is the person Howard Stark rambled for hours about, dedicated his life to, and was absolutely obsessed with. He called him a hero and a saviour. And now, that same very man he once cherished is refusing to bring his assassinator to justice. In fact, he’s violently defending him so that he doesn’t have to “atone for his crimes” (remember - narcissism and other mental disorders; in Tony’s mind he doesn’t understand and can’t empathize with other people’s friendships and reasoning, he only has his own to go on). Captain America, the soldier of ultimate justice, is refusing to hand over the man who murdered Tony’s parents in cold blood - that is ALL he can see in his head at this point, and he feels betrayed by not only his friend, but his leader.

Tony is dealing with so much loss and betrayal after Avengers 2, on top of everything he attempted to do and what nearly happened to the world, and one can only imagine where his mental state is at. The movies have slowly been unravelling his sanity - we saw it peak in Iron Man 3, and even in Avengers 2, and now he’s continuing to completely invert everything inwardly onto how it affects him (because narcissism). So when we look at his life at the end of the second Avengers movie, let’s see where he’s at: he wants to focus on his life and his company, he wants to focus on his relationship with Pepper (which may be suffering - remember how he commented that she “wasn’t available” for their party, not even enough to make an entrance or to congratulate him - while we can obviously attribute that to not wanting to pay Gwyneth Paltrow for her cameo, we could also wonder if things are maybe not so great with the two of them, especially after Ultron), and he wants to withdraw from everything that has been going crazy around him. I think at that point, he’s realized he’s slowly losing the plot and he needs to bring himself back down to earth. He has become aware that two of his closest friends are gone - one he will likely never get back, and the other, well… he thought their friendship was enough for Bruce to want to come home to it. He doesn’t even think about what Bruce must be going through - he’s physically and mentally incapable due to his own mental disorders. He just feels betrayed and abandoned… and very much alone. 

Why is Tony so upset that Steve has chosen Bucky over him? Why is he fighting so hard to bring Bucky to justice? Other than the obvious conclusion here, which is that I have too much time to myself as I sit and wait for my bath to fill up…
Tony never stood a chance in life. Tony has been bent, bruised, and broken so many times (much like these other superheroes he’s fighting alongside), only he has a whole host of mental disorders that make it difficult for him to cope with everyday relationships and occurrences that other people would be able to handle. Over time he’s been betrayed by and lost some of the people he has allowed himself to actually grow close to - for a broken man who already has impulse control issues to see someone fighting so hard to defend someone, when he feels left alone and abandoned, it might leave his narcissistic mind wondering why he doesn’t deserve the same amount of love, loyalty, or friendship from other people in his life… why he isn’t worth it. 
Tony Stark is not a bratty, whiney asshole who believes he deserves Steve’s friendship despite treating him like shit. Tony Stark is a mentally unwell, self-abusive, unsocialized, broken man - lonely, lost, and at the very very end of whatever he has left tethering him to his sanity.
So when he sees a man whose respect he had to work hard to earn - and who he had to work hard to respect in turn - betraying him, betraying Howard, and betraying SHIELD for “his own personal reasons”, to a point where it looks like someone on Team Stark may be laying dead in his friend’s arms… it really isn’t that difficult to understand why those tiny, broken, whispered three words are so unbelievably heart-wrenching for anyone who can empathize with what Tony Stark is going through.

“So was I.”

Thought I’d do a list of headcanons for my Ryder: list from Ryder appreciation week (late) - and this got surprisingly long! 

  • Scott never had a good relationship with Alec. His father was always distant and absent from his life. He knew that Alec wasn’t a bad person, just that he was always too occupied with something or someone else. He yearns for Alec’s approval, and never really got one until the end. 
  • Scott loves Sara - and Sara loves Scott. They’re very close with each other, but not the kind that keeps the communications up. For months or years they might go on without seeing one another & won’t even send a single message, but when they meet up it’s like they’ve seen each other just yesterday. 
  • Sara is always the better girl, and Scott is the one who’s always looking for trouble. He simply thinks that there’s no need for both of them to be so perfect - Sara’s got that covered. He just wants to have some fun, skip some classes, dive into the Presidium pools.
  • Scott never had many human friends while growing up. He was taught by Asaris to hone his biotic skills, and his best friends at the Citadel used to be a Krogan & Turian pair. With others he never had to hide his powers or be ashamed of them - but often around his own kind he felt ostracised. 
  • Scott loves Earth. It’s good to be in a place where everything is just right for humans to thrive and exist - until a girl cries when she sees Scott moving some heavy books in the library with his biotics. 
  • Scott absolutely hates to fight. 
  • He learns that in order for him to protect the people (or the things) that he loves, he needs to fight. He learns to be a soldier. 
  • Scott is terrible at driving the Nomad. Which is unfortunate, because he is also the one that gets motion sickness easiest. Cora and Vetra tried to volunteer to drive the Nomad instead to see if it got any better - Scott stopped the car and threw up in 10 minutes flat. Despite his mad driving skills, apparently it helps when he knows he has control with all the bumpiness. The crew suffers. 
  • Scott considers SAM like a younger brother, with some jealousy. He teases SAM saying that both Sara and himself came from Ellen, but SAM is the only one that was born from Alec. And that makes Alec SAM’s mother. SAM gives a 8 minute lecture about how that conjecture is illogical. Scott falls asleep next to his pyjak.
  • When Scott was young, Ellen made him a small hanar plush. He took the hanar everywhere - until the toy lost all its tentacles. He still carries the cushion-like plush (his original name was jelly, but later he re-named it blasto) everywhere. Sara has a elcor plush that Scott made for her, named Bubin. 
  • Scott manages to get Sara’s personal items out, and keeps it in the Pathfinder’s quarters. He visits Sara more than often, and gives Bubin to her on one of those trips. It’s been with her ever since. 
  • Scott also manages to move dad’s good luck rock into the Tempest, and keeps it with the helmet. 
  • Scott is a huge fan of Shepard. 
  • Scott is a huge fan of Shepard. It’s so important, it had to be written twice. He used to keep all the news clips about her, would read up about her past (how she started as an orphan from Earth - wow.) and drool over the Normandy’s models. 
  • When he became pathfinder, he secretly thought of hacking SAM into calling him ‘Commander Ryder’ instead of ‘Pathfinder Ryder’. 
  • Of course, you can’t really ‘secretly think’ without SAM knowing (SAM says: your ideas were just too loud.) and SAM calls Scott ‘Commander Ryder’ in front of the whole crew for a day. Scott’s avoids everyone for the next three days. 
  • Scott’s favourite place in Andromeda is Voeld. After he’s scrubbed the atmosphere through a gruelling four-month worth of hard work, he comes out from the Vault to see the beautiful northern lights dancing in the sky. He cries when he sees it, and the other crew pretend that they didn’t hear his muffled voice as he heads to the potential outpost site. He doesn’t come back often, but when he does - he simply takes a seat at one of the observatory windows, hugs his blasto plush, and stares in to the sky for hours
  • Every time Scott walks into a new memory shard, he is both excited and horrified at the same time. When he visits SAM to replay Alec’s memories, he never takes it well. He cries when he hears Ellen again, and more than often doesn’t know what to do with all the emotions coming at him. It takes a lot of courage for him to start talking to Lexi - even then, he doesn’t say much. He misses Sara terribly. 
  • Scott flirts with Cora, then Gil, moves on to Vetra for a while, and seems like he’s settling with Reyes. But things don’t work out between them - and he’s left alone most of the time. He’s comfortable with himself, but fears the lonely hours that come more than often. 
  • Scott always carries himself with a casual demeanor - constantly joking, and never serious. It’s just that he’s never trusted himself with people, and that’s how he keeps his distance with everyone. Now that he’s the pathfinder Lexi advised him to start opening himself up to others - but Scott doesn’t know how. 

Arcade Fire’s New Neighborhood: Indie Rock’s Biggest Act Is Infinitely Content In The Crescent City

In the music video for “Electric Blue,” Arcade Fire multi-instrumentalist and sometimes-frontwoman Régine Chassagne takes a stroll down Napoleon Avenue, walking, wiggling and singing her way through the aftermath of an unnamed Mardi Gras parade. While most New Orleanians will find a familiar sight in the hodgepodge of broken plastic beads, flashing police lights and clean-up crews, Arcade Fire sees something else. Namely the juxtaposition of beauty and alienation that has been a hallmark of the Canadian band’s work since their seminal debut, Funeral, turned indie rock on its head back in 2004.

“It was this really interesting scene right after the parade ends and before they clean it up. It’s this kind of desolate feeling of people stumbling around and the party’s over,” explains Arcade Fire frontman Win Butler, who co-directed the video with his cousin, Julia Simpson. “I just thought it was this really beautiful scene, with what it did to the light. It also fit some of the melancholy of the song a little bit, that feeling after the parade. It’s like, where do you go when it’s over?”

The emotional toll levied by that endless search for the next party is explored in more detail on “Signs of Life,” another single from Arcade Fire’s new album, Everything Now. For a band that has never had a shortage of things to say about the ways we find meaning in the monotony, this is thematically familiar territory. Though the music itself may have come a long way since the orchestral pop of their early releases, the message is as clear as it’s ever been. Arcade Fire is having second thoughts about society’s desire for instant and eternal gratification. Everything Now wants you to have second thoughts too, maybe even while dancing.

Primarily recorded in New Orleans, where Butler and Chassagne now reside with their four-year-old son (the pair have been married since 2003), Everything Now instantly shot to number one on the Billboard 200 when it was released earlier this summer. Yet despite its Big Easy origins, the city’s influence on the album is far from obvious. Songs like “Electric Blue,” “Signs of Life” and the title track seem to take more from the melodic disco of ABBA or the skittish new wave of Talking Heads than from anything associated with New Orleans’ storied musical history. If this town found its way into Arcade Fire’s sound, it did so in ways that are more abstract

“We weren’t looking to do what you would maybe think of as cliché New Orleans. [The city’s influence] was more in a feeling of freedom, in mashing genres and not worrying about it,” Butler says.

“We would go see the TBC Brass Band play a lot, and some of the other great brass bands. How these bands play in the pocket is very inspiring. It just makes you want to have a better feel I guess,” he adds. “Being in the same physical space as a band that’s so much better than you at something is… I think it’s the same reason the CBGB scene was what it was. You had the Ramones, the Talking Heads, Blondie, Patti Smith and it’s all so different from each other, but there’s no way the Talking Heads didn’t hear the Ramones and want to play harder and tougher. There’s no way that Talking Heads didn’t make the Ramones want to be poppier. In a certain sense, it ends up rubbing off on you. Even though the Ramones sound nothing like the Talking Heads, it still makes you want to get back and work, just being around greatness.”

“Every single time I see Charlie Gabriel [of Preservation Hall Jazz Band] play the saxophone, I stop whatever I’m doing. He’s on so many of the Motown records I’ve listened to my whole life. Aretha Franklin too. Pretty much every note he plays is so thoughtful and coming from a deep place. You can’t help but be inspired.”

Butler and Chassagne moved to New Orleans in 2014 following Arcade Fire’s second appearance at Jazz Fest. At the time, the band was in the middle of a grueling tour supporting their fourth album, Reflektor. That record marked a bit of a stylistic shift as the group veered further into dance rock territory and incorporated Afro-Caribbean musical influences, particularly Haitian rhythms, into their sound. It was an interesting move for an act whose previous album, The Suburbs, was lauded enough to earn a Grammy Award for Album of the Year. For some fans, the changes were divisive. But for Butler, the new musical direction—and the subsequent move to New Orleans—felt just right.

“I grew up in Houston and my dad came to New Orleans a lot for work, so I visited when I was a kid. Régine, my wife, her family is from Haiti and she grew up in Montreal,” Butler says. “If you were to make a triangle of Haiti, Houston and Montreal, [New Orleans] is kind of in the exact middle of that triangle. So we always felt culturally at home in a way that Régine never felt anywhere else in the U.S.”

“I think the last time we headlined Jazz Fest, we stayed there for like three weeks and we didn’t even really talk about it,” he continues. “It just kind of happened. We didn’t have a big conversation about it. We just kind of looked at each other and were like, ‘Yep, this is where we’re going to stay.’”

By the fall of 2014, Arcade Fire had wrapped up their Reflektor tour and settled into a performing hiatus that would last nearly two years. The much-needed break from the road gave Butler and Chassagne time to get better acquainted with their new home, and the pair quickly discovered an arts scene that was as vibrant as anything they’d encountered in other parts of the world. The fact that this scene extended beyond the confines of what most people consider “New Orleans culture” only made it that much better.

“I just barely caught it, but there was this huge graffiti project that happened on the West Bank,” Butler says, referring to street artist Brandan “B-mike” Odums’ acclaimed 2014 project ExhibitBE. “That was incredible. I thought that was a really world-class art event… I had to jump the fence to see it because they had just closed it, but that kind of shit I find really inspiring. There was so much great work and so many man hours put into it and such talent. That shit’s not happening in Brooklyn.”

Their extended break from touring also gave Butler and Chassagne a chance to get acquainted with some of their new friends in town, including Preservation Hall Jazz Band creative director Ben Jaffe. After meeting him at California’s Coachella festival, the pair quickly developed a rapport with the bassist/tuba player, who has since become one of their best friends. “Our kids play together,” Butler notes.

Arcade Fire’s growing relationship with Jaffe and the PHJB would eventually take the form of a very public collaboration when the time came to honor one of the greats. For Butler and Chassagne, David Bowie wasn’t just a musical and cultural pioneer; he was an early proponent of their work and, more importantly, a friend. His death in January 2016 affected them deeply, so when Jaffe suggested putting on a memorial for the late English rock icon, they got to work planning something special.

“I don’t think it was on anyone’s radar how hard it was going to hit when he passed, or that he would pass,” Butler says. “The way he made that record [Blackstar] and gave it to the world right as he died. The whole artfulness of his whole, basically his whole career, it just felt very fitting. It seemed like a lot of people would want to have some way to mourn him in a public way.”

Somber occasions often have a way of taking on a celebratory tone in New Orleans, and a memorial parade for David Bowie was the celebration many New Orleanians didn’t know they needed. At least not until the idea was presented to them. Before the PHJB and Arcade Fire announced the event, they secured a permit for a 400-person parade through the French Quarter. When the memorial went down two days later, thousands showed up to join in.

In hindsight, it’s kind of baffling that they expected anything less. The middle of January is the middle of Carnival season, after all. Beyond that, Bowie was nothing if not a champion of freedom and creativity. He may not have had many personal connections to this city, but none of his myriad personas would ever seem out of place in, say, the French Quarter. They certainly didn’t seem out of place that day when a mass of costumed people followed the PHJB, Chassagne and a megaphone-wielding Butler down Toulouse Street to the river.

“Even if you don’t know someone, you have this intimacy from listening to their records. And he touched so many people at so many different points of his career,” Butler says. “He was someone I really looked up to and was lucky enough to collaborate with… He deserved a big send-off.”

Still, the gathering was not without its critics. Some locals wondered if the PHJB had strayed too far from its original mission, while others questioned whether it was right to call the event a second line (it was originally billed as such before quickly being relabeled a “memorial parade”). It’s an impulse Butler understands, even if he doesn’t think he’s the right target.

“New Orleans should defend its culture, of course, by all means necessary,” Butler declares. “I lived in Montreal for 15 years, where they have extremely intense laws about language… I think, ultimately, the reason that people still speak French in Montreal and they don’t speak French in Louisiana is because they fought extremely hard to defend that culture. So I think that it’s worth defending, and I personally don’t feel like us doing a parade for David Bowie really encroaches on the spirit of New Orleans in any way. It’s something that, if we tried to do it any other city, it just wouldn’t happen.”

“I don’t think I’m the best symbol for the problem of gentrification in New Orleans, but if people want to make me into that, then I’m cool with that too,” he continues. “That’s totally fine. I mean, I live Uptown. I don’t live in the Bywater. My neighborhood was gentrified like 200 years ago. But my only minor quibble is that I think there are a lot of people that aren’t actually from New Orleans that end up dominating the conversation. There are a lot of adoptee New Orleans people that, a lot of the time, have the loudest voices about some of the politics of it, but I think the instinct is absolutely correct.”

Around the same time that Arcade Fire led a very public procession through the streets of New Orleans, they privately began the yearlong process of recording Everything Now. While parts of the album were laid down in Montreal and Paris, the bulk of it—“80 percent to 90 percent” by Butler’s estimation—was recorded at the band’s own BoomBox Studios in New Orleans. These sessions featured production from Thomas Bangalter of French electronic music giants Daft Punk and bassist Steve Mackey of British alt-rockers Pulp. Lost Bayou Ramblers drummer Eric Heigle, whose production credits include Anders Osborne, Eric Lindell and GIVERS, engineered the whole album and helped the band get their studio up and running. The record was also mixed at New Orleans’ Parlor Recording Studio.

“Motown’s studio in Detroit is like down in the basement of a house. It’s this tiny room,” Butler adds. “Most studios you go to have this sound-deadening foam everywhere, and the idea is to suck up all the sound and to isolate everything. When I first went to Motown, they had lacquered wood on the walls about shoulder height. The idea was that sound bounces and hits the ears of the musicians and it’s a more exciting sound.”

“The idea [for BoomBox Studios] was to take—we had this really small space, maybe 18 feet by 10 feet with a really tall ceiling—just one room and put all the gear in there and have all the kinetic energy of everyone bouncing off each other physically, and the sweat, and just kind of play.”

Arcade Fire got into something of a routine as the album was coming together. Two or three week sessions with the full band—Chassagne, Win Butler, Will Butler (keys, bass), Jeremy Gara (drums), Tim Kingsbury (guitar, bass) and Richard Reed Parry (guitar)—would be followed by reflective periods in which the group listened to its new material and tinkered with arrangements. All those stints in New Orleans rubbed off on the other members too, especially Parry. Originally an upright bass player, his frequent trips to Preservation Hall inspired him to dive back into the instrument with renewed vigor. “He got pretty deep into it,” Butler recalls.

Arcade Fire recruited a few New Orleans musicians to join them in their new studio as well, including Helen Gillet, Rebecca Crenshaw and Preservation Hall’s own Charlie Gabriel. The Harmonistic Praise Crusade, a local choir, contributed some backing vocals, as did a choir consisting of Jelly Joseph (of Tank & the Bangas), Akia Nevills, Kayla Jasmine and Tracci Lee. Canadian musician and producer Daniel Lanois, who ran Esplanade Avenue’s famed Kingsway Studios in the ’90s, even added his pedal steel to two tracks.

Notably, Arcade Fire’s New Orleans–based fans have their own moment on the new LP.During the band’s headlining set at Voodoo Fest 2016, Butler asked the crowd to join him in singing part of what would become the title track from Everything Now. After a few minutes corralling the crowd, they got what they were looking for. “You’ll thank me when you’re older,” Butler joked at the time.

“It’s used in the breakdown, that kind of a sing-along part during the breakdown of the song,” he says. “It was tough getting people to sing something they’ve never heard before. Now that the record’s out, everyone sings it. But it was sort of an experiment because I was just kind of hearing a crowd singing that part, and it seemed like the best way to do that was to have an actual crowd singing that part rather than faking it.”

In the months after that Voodoo Fest set, Butler made a number of trips to the Smoothie King Center in New Orleans’ Central Business District. He wasn’t there to rehearse for an arena tour. He was simply enjoying one of his favorite pastimes: basketball. A student of the game since childhood, Butler played reserve center and power forward on his high school’s varsity team. The 6’ 4” rock star even took home the MVP trophy at last year’s NBA All-Star Celebrity Game.

When asked if moving to New Orleans has turned him into a Pelicans fan, Butler replies with a very emphatic, “F**k yeah, man.” His thoughts on the team could warrant a story of their own, but it’s safe to say he’s been following them closely. And like many fans of the Pelicans, he has a few ideas for turning their fortunes around.

“[Anthony Davis] is a once-in-a-decade sort of talent. That dude could totally bring a championship to New Orleans and they better try,” Butler says of the Pelicans star. “Jrue [Holiday] is a top-five defender in the NBA. AD is a top-five defender. We could be a dominant defensive team. So to me, it’s a bit like the Spurs where you just need dudes that can shoot and play defense… I don’t think you need a lot of playmaking and shit when you have Anthony Davis and Boogie. Those dudes are going to get 70 a night, and then everyone else on the court should be able to shoot and play D. No exceptions.”

Butler’s basketball fandom extends to the University of New Orleans too, and he often goes to shoot hoops at the school’s Lakefront Arena. When the team graduated a number of seniors last year, they needed an extra player to run 5-on-5 during practice. Butler was happy to be the tenth man for a couple of weeks.

“I would just come and scrimmage at the end of practice, which is pretty much my dream in life. To not have to do the basketball practice and like lift weights, but to play,” he says. “So I definitely have a soft spot for that team.”

Incidentally, Butler will return to the Lakefront Arena when Arcade Fire headlines the venue on September 26 as part of their “Infinite Content” tour. They’ll be supported by Wolf Parade, another indie rock outfit that got its start in the same Montreal music scene that birthed Arcade Fire.

“We’ve been doing these shows with the stage in the middle of the room, kind of like a boxing ring,” Butler explains. “There are so many musicians in the band, and the stage is really small, so there’s been an extremely fresh energy. It really changes how you play songs… We love playing Jazz Fest, but this will be cool too because the production of our show is something we put a lot of work into, and it’s really a whole different animal.”

Considering Arcade Fire’s upcoming touring schedule—the band has 40-plus dates in three continents on the horizon—Butler and Chassagne won’t be spending as much time in New Orleans as they’d like in the near future. “Unfortunately, my professional obligations are kind of like being in a pirate ship,” Butler laments.

Nevertheless, the pair would like to dedicate more time to their philanthropic endeavors when their schedule allows it. In particular, they’d like to continue their involvement with the Preservation Hall Foundation, as well as their work with the KANPE Foundation, a group that provides aid to rural communities in Haiti (Chassagne, whose parents fled Haiti in the 1960s during the Duvalier dictatorship, co-founded the latter organization). Those worlds actually collided in December 2015, when the PHJB helped KANPE bring instruments to a youth group in the Haitian village of Baille Tourible.

Additionally, Butler would like to assist groups that are fighting some of this state’s most important political battles. “Something that’s really close to my heart in New Orleans that—I’ve kind of put out feelers—but something that I would like to be a lot more heavily involved with is prison reform in Louisiana. To me, one of the most heartbreaking aspects of the last election was being so close to getting rid of private prisons and then having it be deferred, having all that work go in the garbage,” he says. “If anyone, through this article, has any way I can be helpful in moving that conversation along… I’m all ears.”

It’s encouraging to hear that Butler is concerned with local political issues. Over the decades—the centuries, really—artists who fall in love with New Orleans have been a dime a dozen. From Edgar Degas to Tennessee Williams and Trent Reznor, countless people have created beautiful works here, only to pack their bags when the muse calls them elsewhere. If one is truly to make their home in this place, they need to confront the bad as well as the good. When it comes to New Orleans, Butler has no qualms insisting his relationship isn’t a fling.

“It’s the only city in America I could imagine living in,” he says. “It’s where we’ve chosen to raise our son. We’re not pulling up stakes, other than this pirate ship of a tour that we have to do for an indeterminate amount of time. I have a picture on a wall in my house of my grandfather [swing era bandleader Alvino Rey] playing with Louis Armstrong. It’s not a passing flirtation.”

#115 - For anonymous & all of you that are hurting

Filling the prompt “could you possibly write about Van fancying a girl and her telling him she had depression/bipolar and then him being there for her during an episode?”

Note: This one is for all of us that suffer under the weight of mental illness. We shouldn’t have to hurt like this, and if I can distract you from that for a few minutes with this (or any other) fic, then I’ve got a purpose. A special shout out to @basketofmoondust.

Warning: Explicit discussion of mental illness, including self-harm and suicide.

When you met Van, it was summer. You were riding the temporary high of holidays, of the sun on your skin, of warm nights, of music festivals. It was the only couple of weeks all year where you had hope you could one day be the person you wanted to be. Simply put, you had hope you could be happy again. It all came crashing down when people returned to work or uni; neither of which were achievable for you to maintain. Nobody had time to sit around with you. People cared, but were painfully ill-equipped to deal with the psychologically unwell. The warmth evaporated from the city, replaced instead with clouds and doom. Bands packed up and left the country. And, like always, the sticky, muddy darkness found its way back home to you.

It was hard to explain to people that didn’t know depression what it was like. The best metaphor you found was written in the pages of a picture book that personified it as a black dog. Carrying it around would weigh you down, making you unable to move out of bed, out of the house. It would bark in your ear, rendering your thoughts chaotic and cluttered. It was a constant presence that nobody else could see, or begin to understand. For someone like Van, someone that had never really suffered, you knew if you even began that conversation you’d end up in tears.

Keep reading

Castiel’s palms are sweating so profusely, he’s ninety-five percent sure he’s going to sweat through his mittens and the wrapped gifts they’re clutching. He watches with wide eyes and a racing heart as Dean rings the doorbell and walks inside, tugging him along by his coat sleeve.

“What if they hate me?”

“Won’t happen.”

“Mom? Dad? We’re home!”



“Unca Dean!”

Keep reading