Everything is on me, from things as small as cooking dinner to things as big as potty training. Every single day, every single minute I hear the constant whines, cries, laughter, and “mommy’s” I don’t know what silence is. I don’t know what it means to sit down and watch a 30 minute TV episode.
My house often goes unclean. Sometimes we eat Easy Mac for dinner. I usually go 3 days between showers.
New clothes, the cost of daycare, anything from Tylenol to toys to diapers is all paid for by me.
And the kicker? Society looks at single moms like WE’RE the ones that failed, that we couldn’t keep our legs closed, or we did something to make our man run away. But what society doesn’t see is the millions of articles I read to be a better mom, the time I’m taking off work so I can be at my son’s school party, or that I’m stretching myself thin to give my son everything he wants.
Single moms are by far the strongest beings on this entire planet and I think we deserve a little more recognition than we receive.
I am a mess. A chaos. A burden. I can’t fit anywhere but I am just another girl. I feel alone but not special at all. Well, to be honest, I don’t even know what I feel. I just wanna give up on everything. I can’t stand myself, and I know most of the people around me can’t do it either. Is this normal or am I being selfish?
It’s not about eating. It’s about coping with everything that comes after. Bloated tummy, feeling the blood running through your veins, beating heart… altogether that uncomfortable feeling you have after being brave and finishing your whole meal.
You are so fully aware of everything what’s going on in your body and it’s all you can think or feel.
And still you have to go through this all. So you can feel better again someday. Be healthy, and strong. And free from all these bad feelings and thoughts you get when you even think about food or eating or your own body.
And It’s so damn hard. Probably the hardest thing you will ever do. Because you have to fight against your own mind, against the illness what’s in your own mind. And still you have to remember and understand that your eating disorder isn’t the same thing as you, it’s an illness and you are ill. You are not the problem, your eating disorder is the problem.
And every day you have to try again, believe it’s possible, and what’s most important; remember it’s all worth it
You deserve so much better than this. You don’t need to suffer anymore ♡