Magnus’ words break the silence surrounding them and Alec glances up at him with a quizzical look on his face.
They are sitting on opposite sides of the coffee table in Magnus’ living room. Alec hasn’t seen him since Magnus walked away from him at the Institute three days ago.
It’s been a busy couple days, trying to catch both Valentine and Jonathan before they destroy the world, but despite that, Alec had immediately made his way to the loft, when Magnus texted him to come see him.
“You can’t,” Magnus says, almost daring Alec to try.
So he does.
He tries to think of someone he knows to be a great leader, someone who’s happy. But all he finds is heartbreak and sadness. He thinks of Luke, a well-respected pack leader, who’s lost not only his old life but also his long time partner. He thinks of his parents, of their messed up marriage, of all the lies their entire family has been built on. He thinks of Lydia, who was so close to having both, when the love of her life was killed.
He looks at Magnus and thinks of how much grief and betrayal he’s gone through in his long life, and he has to swallow the lump in his throat before answering.
“I know. They never let you be successful AND happy.” Magnus stares off into the distance for a moment before looking back at Alec. His eyes are sad, but there’s something else in them as well.
Before Alec can figure out what it is, however, Magnus is out of his seat, legs carrying him slowly around the table and towards Alec.
“I’ll tell you a secret,” Magnus says, kneeling in front of him.
Alec almost stops breathing. The fact that Magnus is so close to him after so long makes him overwhelmed and dizzy, and it’s very clear in his voice when he speaks, words shaky and whisper quiet. “Tell me.”
“I’m going to be the first.” Magnus takes Alec’s hand in his, looking into his eyes with a determination Alec has never seen on his face before. “Swear it.”
“Because you’re the reason. Because you are going to be the first one along with me.”
Magnus squeezes Alec’s hand, and suddenly the emotion in Magnus’ eyes that Alec couldn’t pinpoint before becomes clear. Hope. Magnus has hope, he has faith in them, in their future together, and he’s asking for Alec to do the same.
“Swear it,” he repeats.
Alec doesn’t hesitate; he looks Magnus directly in the eyes, feeling the same determination he saw before. “I swear it.”
“I swear it,” Magnus echoes, a small smile tugging at his lips.
He reaches up to rest his hand against Alec’s neck, thumb slowly caressing his cheek, and Alec can help but smile too.
They’re okay. They’re going to be okay.
edit: i’m gonna put the disclaimer here and i hope people will see it, but the dialogue is mostly taken from ‘a song of achilles’ just a psa i guess
Honestly? I can’t wait to have kids.
I can’t wait to watch my wife try and slowly manipulate her glowing body out of my car as we make our way to the ultra sound appointment.
I can’t wait to pull a small piece of paper out of my pocket that has about 300 questions I have to ask our doctor.
I can’t wait until the doctor tells me google exists and I will be just fine.
I can’t wait to stand in the book store carrying more “how to” books than necessary to the cash register. Looking both bewildered and enamoured as my wife shakes her head with embarrassment at my intense excitement.
I can’t wait to hear her tired voice ask me for Pringles and peanut butter.
I can’t wait to be laying on her belly and feel a small foot on the side of my head.
I can’t wait to see my beautiful wife standing in the mirror rubbing me stomach slightly concerned.
I can’t wait to reach my hands around and pull her in tight and whisper how utterly stunning she is. How unbelievably lucky I am. How unbelievably lucky our “little guy is.”
I can’t wait to discuss who’s genes you’re going to get. Argue over who’s nose we hope you have.
I can’t wait to hear the “it’s time.”
I can’t wait to be next to her, holding her hand. I know she’ll tell me she can’t do it. But I damn well know she can. She will be the strongest bravest person I know.
I can’t wait to hear your cries as you breath into this world.
I can’t wait to look down at my wife, exhausting, but glowing. She’ll be looking at you. But I’ll be looking at the two of you. No moment will ever match this. No moment will ever feel so accomplishing. So important. As to when I see my family together for the first time.
Honestly? I can’t wait to have kids.
I’m so excited to hear uncoordinated footsteps fill the hallways of my home. Followed by high pitched laughed filled screams and the voice of my wife shouting “I’m gunna getcha!”
I can’t wait to pull you both close onto my lap as I read the same bed time story I’ve read every single night for the past month.
Watch both of your chests rise and fall together as your breath becomes rhythmic.
I can’t wait to sit on that couch with you both asleep in my lap not wanting to move because no matter how tired, how uncomfortable I am. For god sakes I couldn’t look away if I tried.
There are so many things in this world I look forward too. But this lifetime I’m going to get to create? I am so excited for.
Where did all those feelings go? People spend their whole lives looking for love. Poems and songs and entire novels are written about it. But how can you trust something that can end as suddenly as it begins?