it's food time baby

some good in the day

I ordered some baby food from Amazon because he’s getting closer and closer to eating what we eat and I’m kind of done making and freezing batches. And now there’s the Beechnut Organics which has no preservatives or anything, the ingredients list is literally just the fruits/veggies that are in it. Dill will eat it (mostly) and it’s not outrageously expensive. The downside to this is there’s no meat in them for protein, but he has eggs and yogurt and will eat some of the meat we have for dinner so I’m not too worried. 

aaaanyway. It was a 10pk variety from a 3rd party seller on amazon and it came with a couple of the jars broken. Bummer, but shipping is rough and they’re glass jars so it happens. The good part was that the seller was super quick at responding and they’re refunding the whole order. We don’t even have to return the jars that were unaffected! I went on and gave them 5 stars of feedback and added to the comments that I appreciated their service. They could’ve easily be like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ tough shit. I was just hoping to be like hey 3 jars are unusable so I can I get a partial refund for that loss. 

yeah okay but have you ever tried to imagine Dan and Phil as parents?
  • Phil: c'mon children follow me, let's go watching some cartoons! I even bought some colorful biscuits! Cute babies *pats their heads lovingly* And then, we're going to buy stuffed baby lions!
  • •••
  • Dan: it's time to have lunch!
  • Baby: *drops the food*
  • Dan: fffffFFFFFFFFFFFFFF- No, Daniel you can't swear in front of the baby, you ca-
  • Baby: *cries*
  • Dan: nope nOPE don't cry pleaSE
  • Baby: *cries even harder*
  • Dan: shIT *holds the baby* jesus christ let's pretend you didn't listen to that okay? Shush, baby. Keep the secret.
Thanksgiving (Ford's POV)
  • When you're born, you survive off of nothing but milk, which your body has to learn to process in order to cause things such as growth. Once that happens, then your body grows and adapts to eventually be capable of consuming solid foods, which in turn causes more growth. With 12 PHDs and over 30 years of experience under belt, you would really think that the great Stanford Pines was beyond that type of processing...
  • ... And you would be dead wrong!
  • With those 12 fancy pieces of paper, and those years on the run with little time to stop and eat, the oldest of the Stan twins had completely disregarded his early years learning to eat in favor of finding a new way to avoid needing food all together. Sure, it only provided nutrients and didn't eliminate the overwhelming hunger pains, but after a few years, he eventually learned to ignore the pain and carry on per usual, so long as the pills kept him healthy. It was a flawed concept, yes, but it was effective and he would carry on with his regime long after he returned from his portal trip-
  • Well, he continued with it for a few months after the trip, until one day came where that just wasn't acceptable.
  • "Look Sixer. We already made you a damn plate- LITERALLY made the plate! Could you just eat like a normal nerd for one day out of the year?" Stanley griped, pushing the plate closer to his twin, who was bound to his chair by animal printed duct tape.
  • "If my hands were free I- still wouldn't eat that... But I could gladly take the plate and put it in safe keeping." Ford mused, offering an innocent smile down at Mabel for a moment before looking back up to glare at Stanley. "Is the duct tape really necessary!?"
  • "Yes, because you would leave if we didn't. Now just eat the damn food that we made for this damn holiday!"
  • "Language, Stanley!"
  • Stanley growled, ignoring his language in favor of zooming a spoon around in the air like an airplane, before attempting to spoon feed his brother.
  • "STANLEY! I'm a grown man!" Ford argued, violently turning his head to the side to avoid the spoon. "This is so childish!"
  • "Just eat so we can get on with Thanksgiving! Like this-" Mabel joined in, zooming her fork full of carrots around in the air and landing it into her mouth. "Its easy!"
  • "Mabel, it's not that I've forgotten how to eat, it's that I don-" In the time it took Ford to start that sentence, Stanley managed to land the spoon and it's contents into his brother's mouth.
  • "Quick! Duct tape his mouth so he can't spit it out!"
  • But that wasn't necessary, because Ford managed to get the mashed potatoes down before anymore force was needed.
  • "There, I ate potatoes. Can I please get up now?" Ford groaned lowly, suddenly finding what 30 years of truly felt like.
  • It hurt, and the potatoes sat like a rock in his confused stomach, but it didn't seem like too bad of a thing.
  • "No. You have to finish your entire plate, break a wish bone, and have some pie. Then you can leave and go and be a nerd again." Stan smirked, sitting in his own chair next to Mabel.
  • "This can't be healthy, Stanley." Ford muttered, wincing in a little pain again.
  • "Its for your own good, and just so you have a willing ear to rant to, we moved Dipper's chair next to yours so he can feed you!" Mabel giggled, waving to her flustered twin brother.
  • "Mabel, it's been 30 years. I'm not even sure if my body would know how to handle solid foods yet-" Ford stopped, looking down at his own plate for the first time. "Is that baby food?"
  • "Nope! Its just mashed up adult food." Dipper offered kindly.
  • "We figured you'd say something like that, so we planned ahead and tried to mash up as much soft stuff as we could!" Mabel added.
  • Ford sighed softly. His stomach was screaming in its confusion, his wrists were burning from the duct tape, and his teeth still hurt from where the spoon made contact, but he had felt worse pains. After 30 years of travel, he had learned how to go without eating, and after only a few months with his family, he was going to learn how to eat properly again.