“He’s a multi-millionaire, why didn’t he just go stay in a hotel?”, questioned one anonymous fan, “What would he even do at home for 24 hours without power?”
Another fan who was equally dumbfounded said: “If he’s so rich why doesn’t he just pay somebody to fix the problem already?”
But the most interesting comment came from a fan who asked “Why wouldn’t he just stay with some of his equally rich fellow band mate best friends? If my best friend was without power for 24 hours I wouldn’t leave them to stay alone in their own house.” We here at the AAS couldn’t help but wonder the same thing so we reached out to Horan’s band mates for commentary.
Liam Payne pictured above with rapper Drake working on the album to come out “soon”
Unfortunately, fellow band member Liam Payne (23) who is currently searching for his elusive solo album, to come out “soon”, and is busy answering fans’ questions on twitter could not be reached for commentary. Zayn Malik (24), who may or may not be a former member of the band could also not be reached for commentary as he is currently occupied with being persistently prospective ‘super model’ Gigi Hadid’s boyfriend prop for her Instagram photo ops.
Malik and Hadid pictured above in a recent pic with Malik sporting an old hair style from last year
However, we were able to contact Horan’s fellow band members and rich husbands Louis Tomlinson (25) and Harry Styles (23) who refuse to let Horan who has been without power for longer than anybody can remember to stay in their meditation tea house. Styles commented:
“That hat man, he really needs to step up his style if he wants to put one foot inside our meticulously decorated tea house. There’s vintage furniture in there, one of a kind stuff!”
The Tomlinson-Styles’ meditation tea house
Tomlinson added: “Never really liked the lad. Was always weirdly invested in our relationship. I think it all began when he started to care more about golf than football. More than football!”
Horan on one of his frequent trips to the green
“I really think he stalks my husband. He likes all of his pictures moments after they’re posted. Even the fans don’t get to the pictures that fast!” Styles said. “Honestly, I think this power outage was a sign. It’s time to move on. Our relationship involves two people, not three, even though he seems to think otherwise.”
Tomlinson and Styles pictured on a date at the 2015 American Music Awards
“He calls himself captain, you know? Of our ship. We caught him once dancing and dressed like a sailor. It’s at the point where we really feel like he should keep his distance from us,” Styles explained.
“This past year and a half away from Niall has been a wonderful and much appreciated break, but when I went solo he was right in our faces again and wouldn’t leave me and me social media alone. It was frankly quite disturbing,” Louis added, troubled.
Horan and band members discussing Valentine’s Day plans and Horan showcasing his investment in Styles and Tomlinson’s relationship early on in the band’s career
“You know he started a fight with Steve once, saying that he wouldn’t take his place as my biggest fan even over Niall’s dead body. He’s gone mad, I tell you. Did you know he once sent me a truck load of footballs just because I like the sport? We just don’t know what to do. He needs to stop,” Tomlinson said.
“He forgets that I have been and always will be Lou’s biggest fan,” Styles complained, “We had some good times together as a band, we really did, but Niall needs to move on. It’s not 2012 anymore. Somewhere along the way his obsession with us went from cute and endearing to creepy and annoying.”
Louis Tomlinson and Steve Aoki pictured above who have recently been working together and released their single “Just Hold On”
Who knew it would come out in 2017 that Niall Horan is the cause of the band’s split thanks to a simple tweet about a power outage?
(for my love @rated-l-for-larry without whom half this shitpost wouldn’t be possible. you asked for it and i delivered. hope you enjoy 😘)
Kirishima is the designated fake boyfriend. Need to get a creep to shove off? Kirishima’s your guy. Parents insist you bring someone home for the holidays? He’ll compliment you and your parents’ cooking, you just might want to remind him of table manners. Nasty ex walking by? Just take his hand, he’ll roll with it. He’s pretty reliable and earnest so people would automatically trust him with that role
Title: Newlyweds Pairing: Cassian Andor x Reader Genre: Fluff, some angst Warnings: Some nudity A/N: Inspire by The Coat™
tbh. That’s the only excuse I have for this nonsense. I regret nothing
“Remind me why we couldn’t just stay in the ship?” you asked, pulling your coat tighter around your body. Dark clouds loomed above, threatening to dump a blanket of snow right on top of you at any second.
Calder and former love (pictured left) out and about
Eleanor Calder (24) is placing an order for the new love of her life!
girlfriend of Louis Tomlinson (25) for four years, Calder, who has
remained loyal to her true love Starbucks coffee for many years has
recently been spotted with a new belle on her arm: Tomlinson’s innocent
new baby mama of one year Briana Jungwirth (25).
Calder and Jungwirth, pictured left out meeting Calder’s previous lover Starbucks’ medium iced coffee with non-fat soy milk
be honesty it was completely unexpected,” said Calder upon our request
for commentary. “We didn’t seem to have much in common except for Louis,
but when I saw the dear little Freddie son on Briana’s Instagram I knew
I had to get in contact with her.”
Jungwirth with son Conchobar Freddie Reign (plastic) who has been censored for the sake of privacy
“We started talking about how
much we loved Freddie, Starbucks and our shared eye for fashion and
before we knew it we were on romantic Starbucks coffee runs together,”
Jungwirth gushed. “I wish the paparazzi would leave us alone, though.
I’m a new mother and I want my privacy!”
Calder’s long-lived relationship with a medium Starbucks non-fat soy milk iced coffee is now officially over
not actually sure whether or not Louis knows about our relationship,”
Calder admitted. “In fact, I’m not sure he even knows that we know each
We at the AAS reached out to the 1D star who gladly offered this comment over a brief phone interview: “It’s time for the truth to finally come out. I was never the most important person in Eleanor’s life. First there was Starbucks, and now the innocent mother Briana of my baby son lad Freddie…I’m truly honestly genuinely heartbroken. I feel used, honestly. Genuinely.”
Tomlinson’s sworn enemy Harry Styles (23) added: “It’s just awful. Could you grab my phone for me before you come back to bed, love? I think somebody sent me a message.”
Tomlinson about recently rocking out his boyfriend’s jeans look
Though the two fashionistas haven’t been together long, experts say they are already exhibiting behaviour of a couple who has been with each other for ages.
“When two people have been together long enough they start to resemble each other, and the new mother Briana’s latest Instagram picture really shows how much she and Eleanor have come to look like one another,” one expert commented.
Jungwirth’s rocking out a garment which may be a skirt or may be shorts, looking an awful lot like her belle and Starbucks lover Calder. Is it B? Is it E? We just don’t know
The girls feel that they’ve truly found their soulmates and Jungwirth intends to move out of cousin Olivia’s living room and in with Calder. “We’re it for each other,” Jungwirth stated.
“Absolutely perfect together,” Calder agreed.
So perfect for each other, the girls have already confirmed another little one is on the way–and it’s none other than Tomlinson’s bandmate Liam Payne’s (23) elephant child!
Elephants exhibit a wide variety of behaviours, including those associated with grief, learning, allomothering, mimicry, art, play, a sense of humour, altruism, use of tools, compassion, cooperation, self-awareness, memory, and possibly even language
“We decided we want to adopt this time, and since Liam learned how much food and space elephants actually need and came to the conclusion that fatherhood isn’t really for him, Briana and I decided to take the opportunity presented to us,“ Calder explained.
“Besides,” Jungwirth added, “Cheryl Cole was kind of over the whole mother thing after 20 months and she’d stopped making it into the headlines. It’s an exciting time. We’re sure my son Freddie will love growing up with a sibling.”
“Buzzing!” Calder agreed.
Watch out Hobama, this humble writer has a hunch that Breleanor will be the power couple to beat in 2017! Check back with us to get the latest scoop on these lovely ladies and their growing brood of babies in the future!
(Credits to @organicstunts for the Breleanor and Starbuckseanor edits I’M PROUD OF YOU FOR FINISHING YOUR ESSAY ❤️😘)
SO WHAT ABOUT A GRAMANDER FAKE RELATIONSHIP AU? Because Newt cannot lie to save his ass, Im convinced of it
1. fake relationship
I can see it now. Newt, International Criminal Extraordinaire. Gets by to be honest on his quick thinking, on his ability to sneak about places, his skill with languages, and frankly with the help of the hoard of magical creatures he has at his disposal. On his own, he’s actually quite good at getting himself out of trouble – so long as it’s not him that’s in trouble. Magical creature? No problem. Is it a friend? No hesitation! Family? They don’t even have to ask.
But when he’s the one that’s been cornered, he has quite the problem talking himself out of the situation.
Graves observes Newt struggling with this for a few minutes with quiet amusement.
Newt’s just trying to get into the establishment to talk to the manager. Apparently he has some [insert magical creature here] caged up in the back, and Newt is determined to free them. If he can’t get in through the front, then Newt knows perfectly well that he could break in later that night and quietly sneak all the creatures into his suitcase before morning. But that wouldn’t be polite, that wouldn’t teach the manager a lesson. If Newt stole them all, the manager would just go out and get more, and what good would that do?
So Newt is trying to get in, and Graves is already there for whatever reason, and the bouncers at the door are like, NO SIR. PLEASE, YOU AREN’T ON THE GUEST LIST. YOU CAN’T COME IN.
“I– I understand that, but if you would please just let me talk to the manager, I can get this situation cleared right up, and–”
Graves rises to rescue the poor man.
“Darling,” he says with his voice dripping in sugar, sliding between the bouncers like they aren’t even a part of his world view. “You’re late. I was beginning to think you were going to leave me hanging!”
“What, I–” Newt stammers.
Mercy, the man is helpless, and that’s all before Graves kisses him, deeply, arms thrown over Newt’s shoulders, Graves pressing against Newt’s chest like a sex kitten, sighing gently when he falls back on his heels.
Graves tugs Newt along as he moves back into the establishment. He winks at the bouncers. “He’s with me, boy. Sorry about the mix up!”
He hustles Newt into a booth and hisses at him, “Play along,” before throwing his legs over Newt’s lap and cuddling up to his side.
Newt muffles a horrified moan against Graves’ shoulder. “I can’t,” he says. “I’m a horrible liar. Everyone says so.”
“Well,” Graves reasons and he turns to bite along the shell of Newt’s ear, “then for the sake of all parties, pretend it’s not a lie.”
In the weeks leading up to the wedding, Steve was infinitely glad that he’d finally gotten up the nerve to ask Bucky to come as his ‘date’ - not only because of the relief he felt when he’d been able to check off the plus one box on his RSVP and save face, but because it turned out that planning an international trip in such a short amount of time (even one that had been planned as meticulously as Peggy Carter could) was ridiculously stressful work. Steve wasn’t sure he’d have gotten through all of it with his sanity intact, if not for Bucky’s help.
As it was, they had their flights scheduled and were both able to get a few extra days off of work to allow themselves time to do independent sightseeing around the city. Initially they’d had trouble figuring out how to fill said days without being completely pathetic tourists, but luckily Steve had been able to find time for drinks with Peggy one evening after work, who was so thrilled to hear that he was FINALLY owning up to his feelings about Bucky (the way she’d gushed when Steve had admitted the identity of his date had been all kinds of uncomfortable, considering how subtle he thought his feelings for his friend were) that she was all-too-happy to give them an itinerary of things to do together. Steve tried his best to ignore how many times she mentioned Angie during the list… not because he had any problems with his ex’s fiance, of course, but because he didn’t want to psyche himself out too much when it came to riding the London Eye with Bucky.
Just because Peggy said it made for a great date afternoon, didn’t mean that they couldn’t enjoy the hell out of it as friends.
As the date drew closer, Steve was half-afraid that he should suggest they spend time acting as a couple, to make the whole facade more natural when they were put on the spot; as it was they were spending so much time together anyway, making plans and just hanging out as they always had (and on one regrettable night, practicing dance moves at Bucky’s insistence) that it hardly seemed necessary. God knew that they were together just as often as any other busy, employed Millennial couple were, and they’d known each other for so long that it wasn’t as if someone would be able to quiz them and call their bluff on the act. Plus, weren’t people supposed to date their best friends, anyway? If anything, Steve figured that Bucky was the best he could ask for in a pretend date, outside of maybe Peggy herself.
He was getting really good at ignoring the voice that reminded him how much he wished it wasn’t pretend, too.