it's currently 7 am and im about to go for a run

3 acts of malicious compliance in one project rewarded with 4 days of leave fully paid.

This is quite long sorry but I feel it needs the back story to understand the whole thing.

tl;dr - General manager makes requests, I try to get him to see the downsides. He insists, I comply and get a nice few days off.

I used to work for a mining company as a Geologist. I left and a few years later was employed by them again but in a very different role dealing mostly with compliance based stuff.

We had a new project coming up which meant a lot of data would be coming in daily and at some point we would be required to process all that data. The data was being logged into an excel spreadsheet which was probably the quickest and easiest way to do it for the data we needed to capture. It did however introduce a larger margin of human error. The benefit was that errors could be checked later in the corporate office rather than taking up time in the field when people were already working 12 hour shifts and we were paying contractors by the hour. In addition to this they updated my contract to a fieldwork based employee rather than office based, this allowed them to send me out into the field for several weeks at a time without any change in pay. It also had a few other conditions which come into play later.

Keep reading

Your Move

The nine times Simon and Baz prank each other and the one time they don’t

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10

March 29


Technically, I might have cheated a bit.  Then again, we never clearly laid out any rules.  We never actually decided that each player had to wait until the next day to lay their trap, it was just sort of understood.  So if I made preparations the night before, I would say that it’s completely fair.  After all, how can you break a rule if none were ever written?

           When Baz gets up before me to use the shower, I hide my grin under my blankets.

           I dress as the water runs.  

           I take the planned precautions and double-check that I’ve remembered to wear my necklace.

           When the water shuts off, I take my position, sitting on my bed with my back against my pillow, waiting.  The picture of calm, even though I’m buzzing with anticipation.

           I count down in my head as I hear the curtain slide back.

           Three, two, one…



           “Problem, Baz?”

           “WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?”

           “I should think it would be obvious.”


           I don’t move.  I stay exactly where I am and straighten out a crease in my shirt. Crowley, I’m starting to act like him.

           There’s a steady stream of cursing from the other side of the door.  Normal cursing, not magical cursing, though he sounds angry enough to curse me right off the school grounds.

           When he cracks the door open, he doesn’t lean around to look at me.  

           “Oh, come on,” I tell him, “get it over with.”

           He takes a step forward and emerges, wearing only a towel around his waist, half of his body hidden behind the door.  Part of my brain registers the fact that I’ve never seen him with this little clothing on, but I’m very much distracted by his hair.  It’s slicked back with shower water, a few strands hanging in front of his eyes, and it’s blond.  Yellow-blond.

           A smirk takes control of my face.  “Well, that clearly worked, then.”

           “Do you have any idea how bloody dead you are.”

           “Could you hurry up in there?  I’d like to use the bathroom.  Oh, and it’s your move.”

           He slams the door in my face and I bury my laughter in my pillow.

           He takes an exaggeratedly long time to get ready, probably to spite me, or maybe he’s busy trying to magic the bleach out of his hair.  Trixie told me it was extra-long lasting, but it is only Normal bleach with no magical properties.  Maybe I did charm it to be a bit stronger, but he could probably magic his hair back to normal if he tried long enough.  I just wait on my bed, studying my nails casually like I assume he does when he’s tormenting me.

           When Baz finally reappears in the doorway, he’s fully clothed and his hair is still blond, but it’s different now.  It’s dry, and instead of yellow his hair is a soft white. He hasn’t slicked it back like he usually does, just lets it fall around his face like snowflakes.

           His skin is so pale that white-blond hair shouldn’t look good on him.

           But it does.

           It’s light and soft and it makes his heavy gray eyes look gentle, even though he’s currently using them to shoot daggers at me. It’s striking against the green of his uniform, and it’s like he’s turned from a vampire into a wood elf, tall and elegant and smooth.

           His hair looks so soft, freshly washed like this, that my hands actually twitch.  I want to take a lock and rub it between my fingertips.      

           Crowley, it looks good.

           There’s a lurch in my stomach, unfamiliar and cold, and I don’t know what it means.  Not that it matters, I’m definitely not thinking about my stomach right now.

           “I thought I told you to run,” Baz growls through his teeth, his cheeks pink.  Maybe from shower steam, maybe from embarrassment.  I wonder what my cheeks look like right now, with how I feel them heating up.

           “I’m not stupid, Baz,” I reply calmly, even though there’s a weird shiver working its way down my back.  “If I leave the room, you’ll just throw me down the stairs or something.  This is the safest place for me right now.”

           “Maybe I’ll throw you out the window and let the merwolves have you.”

           “Try opening the window, Baz, see how far you get.”

           “What did you do to it?”

           “Nothing serious, just a simple precaution, but you won’t be getting it open.”

           “What if I carried you out the door?”

           “You’d have to fight me to get me there, and I don’t think the Anathema would like that very much.”

           He seethes at me for another few seconds before storming out the door.  I can hear his angry steps all the way down the tower.

           I stay where I am for I don’t know how long. It’s like I can’t move, and my stomach is still feeling hollow.  Not in a hungry way, more like someone took one of my organs out and left a giant empty spot, and now the rest of my organs are frantically shifting around to try and fill the space.  I’m cold and hot at the same time.

           “Crowley,” I say aloud to the empty room.

           It looked good.


           Penny and I are out on the hill when she sees what I’ve done.

           “Mor-gana, Simon,” she breathes, her eyes wide.  “How are you even still alive?”

           I shake my head, watching Baz as he disappears into the castle.  His hair is even more ethereal in the light of day.  I can only imagine what he would look like if the sun were shining.  He’d have a fucking halo.

           “The better question is, why has he left it like that?” Penny muses, squinting at the doors even after Baz has passed through them.  “Couldn’t he magic it back to normal?”

           “Maybe the dye is too strong.”

           “How exactly did you pull this off, anyway?”

           “I poured hair bleach in his shampoo last night.”

           She shakes her head with a disbelieving laugh. “Crowley, Simon,” she says, “when is this game going to end?”

           I shrug.  I hadn’t thought about it.  “When there’s a winner?”

           “And how do you determine a winner?”

           “Maybe just until one of us concedes.”

           “I know you two,” she scoffs, “that’s not going to happen.”

           Something about her saying you two makes my heart beat a little louder in my ears for just a second.

           “So let me get this straight,” she continues. “First you changed his sugar into salt, so he turned your scones to rock.  Then came the necklace thing, and the glue on the doorknob.  I know he kept turning your music up yesterday, but there’s something missing in between.  Did you forfeit that day?”


           “What did you do?”

           The memory is sour and I grimace.  “I don’t want to talk about it?”

           “Why?  Did it not work?”      

           “I cursed him.”

           “So what?  He’s cursed you loads of times.”

           “I gave him nightmares.”

           Penny doesn’t answer for a second.  “You did what?”

           “They were only supposed to be minor ones, but something went wrong, they were never supposed to hurt him.”

           “How bad were they?”

           I want to scrub the memory from my eyelids. “I had to wake him up because he kept shouting.”

           “Simon, that’s… terrible, actually.”

           “I told you, they weren’t supposed to be scary.”

           “Still, you attacked the mind.  Worse, you attacked the subconscious.”  She looks at me like I’ve taken her food without asking. “Does he know it was you?”

           “I don’t think so.”

           “Is that why you didn’t get mad yesterday when he pranked you?”

           “Why would I get mad?” I shrug.  “I deserved it.”



           “I never thought I’d see the day that you felt bad for hurting Baz.”

           I shake my head.  “He might be a twat, but you didn’t hear him.  No one deserves whatever he was dreaming.”

           Penny watches me thoughtfully.  “Hmm,” she muses.


           “Nothing, just… maybe you guys don’t hate each other as much as you think you do.”


           Baz’s hair is still white-blond later at night when we turn in.  I still have to consciously remind myself to stop staring at it.

           He hasn’t said anything to me since this morning, but I don’t think it’s because he’s mad.  More just the normal silence that exists between us when we’re not actively fighting or shouting abuse at each other.

           I wonder as he turns out the lights if his hair has always looked so soft, or if I’ve just noticed it now.  When he turns it black again, will I still have the urge to touch it?  Is it something I’ve always wanted to do but only just realized?

           A thought occurs to me as his breathing starts to deepen across the room.  “Hey, Baz.”

           “What, Snow?”

           “We match.”

           It’s ridiculous and not even close to true. My hair is the blonde of honey, while his is currently the blonde of fucking snow, but that makes it even more ironic and, naturally, even more funny to me.

           Baz doesn’t say anything, just sits up and punts one of his pillows at me, and I can’t hold in a giggle when it hits me.


This tutorial will show you how to make any amount of icons you so desire - IN ONE SITTING!  (up too 500 at most to respond properly without lag).  This is largely an image based tutorial, but if anything is unclear, please send me your questions!

you will need:


-some screencaps or images you wish to edit

tutorial below the cut:

Keep reading


‘  let me just make one thing clear… i have no clue what’s going on, ever, at any moment, at any point in time. who knows what’s going on? not me. not ever.  ’
‘  i would just like to publicly announce that i have no idea what i am doing  ’
‘  we came from the same star and we will come together again in the end  ’
‘  i have a ‘why am i like this’ moment at least five times a day  ’
‘  did i need it? no. did i buy it? yes.  ’
‘  the most dangerous game is resting your eyes after you turned off the alarm clock in the morning  ’
‘  petition for stars in the day time please???  ’
‘  i love it when i wake up and stretch and something cracks. makes me feel like a glo-stick  ’
‘  drop whatever you’re doing right now and climb a tree  ’
‘  the most fucked up part of adult life is how you can just decide to do things  ’
‘  i’m a person who wants to do lots of things trapped inside a body that wants to SLEEP at all times  ’
‘  i’m so tired but i’ll probably be awake until 3 am for no reason  ’
‘  time to kick my own ass. bitch had it coming for too long  ’
‘  honestly ‘thanks i hate it’ is one of the funniest phrases in the english language  ’
‘  do you ever wonder how many people have loved you and never told you?  ’
‘  the internets one true talent is making me sick of things i’ve never seen or read or heard  ’
‘  i’m permanently emotionally damaged but it’s chill, i’m chill  ’
‘  all cracker barrels are dimensionally linked. you could walk into a cracker barrel in georgia and walk out of one in arkansas and feel nothing  ’
‘  ‘you look different with makeup’????? you think i’m buying shit for hundreds of dollars to just keep looking like my ugly self … ok  ’
‘  why did the fray go off so hard in ‘how to save a life’?  ’
‘  anyone else bummed they have 2 sleep alone tonight and uh not in some1s arms  ’
‘  not to be too controversial but i like it when people are nice   ’
‘  the sun has no business tapping out at the tender hour of 5pm bitch i have depression  ’
‘  i forgot how fucking weird november is theres no afternoon its just night after 2pm  ’
‘  what time do you need me? i am unavailable whenever that time is  ’
‘  look i may have made a few typos and committed a few murders but nobody’s perfect okay  ’
‘  i guess at this point i should just consider dating myself  ’
‘  i’m aiming for the “she’s a badass and cute as hell but i wouldn’t touch her without asking” look  ’
‘  haha if you’re bored you could kiss me idk just sayin  ’
‘  i see you’re paying attention to someone who is not me. why is that.  ’
‘  80s music wont solve all my life’s problems but it certainly distracts me from them  ’
‘  i cant believe what walkie talkies are called  ’
‘  some people think life is like a rollercoaster but my life is more like one of those rides that spin really fast so you’re pinned to the wall and can’t do anything about it  ’
‘  hey girl do you want to make a fragile human connection in the vast and unfeeling infinity of a chaotic universe  ’
‘  all these fuckboys but who is the fuckfather  ’
‘  i love drunk me but i don’t trust her  ’
‘  do you have those people that you’d go anywhere with unconditionally, like they could say “lets go check out that dumpster” and you’d be like “im in”  ’
‘  nah sorry i cant go out tonight, i have plans to spiral into uncontrollable anxiety starting in the early evening and ending at roughly 3 am  ’
‘  me: queen of having had enough  ’
‘  she needs a hug (i’m she)  ’
‘  is it acceptable to start an essay with “listen here you little shit”?  ’
‘  90% of my day is me being nervous  ’
‘  cons: i’m an asshole. pros: i’m your asshole.  ’
‘  give me 10 reasons why i shouldn’t just turn into a slug right now  ’
‘  are we gonna fuckn hold hands tonight or what bitch  ’
‘  dear soulmate, where the fuck are you  ’
‘  i’m so easily revitalized by small, loving gestures  ’
‘  i dont know what im feeling but there is a lot of it  ’
‘  let’s be friends with benefits. the benefits? you get to be friends with me  ’
‘  you ever just sit back and think like… yo… i really don’t care  ’
‘  im surprised no one has ever punched me in the face  ’
‘  what if mike was short for micycle  ’
‘  hey fellow regular kids what’s up  ’
‘  if u ever called me pretty i love you. ur pretty too  ’
‘  do you ever just ‘there’s probably something medically wrong with me but i’m just gonna ignore it and hope i don’t die’?  ’
‘  why did we stop building castles? i feel like humanity might live to regret that  ’
‘  i’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace  ’
‘  i am so glad you exist, even if you exist so far away from me  ’
‘  i can hold a wet bar of soap better than a conversation  ’
‘  she is beauty, she is grace, she got her feelings hurt 42 times today  ’
‘  13 years of school and im still not sure if its ‘grey’ or ‘gray’  ’
‘  hope u like bad girls because i’m bad at everything  ’
‘  got a problem with me? kiss me on the lips dude  ’
‘  too many songs about love. not enough songs about sword fights  ’
‘  don’t talk to me or my 78 insecurities ever again  ’
‘  i just did a tarot reading… it said ur a bitch  ’
‘  a good substitute for love and fulfillment? a crunchwrap supreme from taco bell  ’
‘  i fucked up? idk what you’re referring to but probably  ’
‘  *in a high-pitched mocking voice* “are you okay?” what the fuck.  ’
‘  how do u just….. not believe in aliens  ’
‘  a coffee pot can be a coffee mug if you just don’t fucking care  ’
‘  “you’re up early!” jokes on you i didn’t sleep at all and am in between energized and dying  ’
‘  dont wanna sound like a slut but i really need a hug right now  ’
‘  casual fan? no sorry i only know how to invest my whole livelihood into something and spend every waking moment thinking about said thing  ’
‘  i have a dozen hearts swirling around my head irl like that isnt a filter its permanent  ’
‘  i worry about you even when you say you’re fine  ’
‘  i will never hurt you. i will always stick by your side. i will always try to make you smile  ’
‘  true love: having to hold back your adorable, violent girlfriend to keep her from straight up murdering a dude  ’
‘  cute date idea: be nice to me  ’
‘  im so jealous of people who know what they want to do with their future i dont even know what t.v show to watch next  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes please don’t leave me  ’
‘  hey….,.,.. no offense but,,. i want someone to love and cherish me  ’
‘  i need someone to lay in bed with me for hours  ’
‘  dark hannah montana….. show me the worst of both worlds  ’
‘  someone has to say it: come on eileen is a fucking banger like that shit snaps,, a bop for the century  ’
‘  roses are red, i’m going to bed  ’
‘  bless netflix for creating the skip intro button honestly  ’
‘  they call me… 7 Knives. because that’s how many knives it takes me to cook things because i keep puttin em in the fuckin sink without thinking about it  ’
‘  i wanna burry my face in someone’s chest right now til i fall asleep and wake up 4 hours later just to find i’m still in their arms  ’
‘  the internet has ruined me honestly i’m numb to everything. it could be the end of the world and i’d be like “tag urself i’m the acid rain”  ’
‘  lately i have been…….dying to be in love…,..and that’s the mood sadly  ’
‘  not to be ns fw but i’d cry if someone kissed me on the cheek  ’
‘  sexting? nah. i’m into spexting. spooky texting. ever seen a ghost? hmu.  ’
‘  not to sound cocky as shit but i’m a fucking good person with a big heart and i deserve a lot more than the shitty hand life has dealt me this far  ’
‘  i say i love you a lot because i do  ’
‘  i’m sorry. i can’t come to the phone right now? why? oh. cause i hate talking on the phone please text me instead.  ’
‘  low on self esteem, so u run on mac & cheese  ’
‘  who’s gonna come lay with me in bed and let me wrap my legs and arms around u like a small bear  ’
‘  youre a coward if youre not on the way to my house right now to give me a kiss  ’
‘  my personality is like 90% the song i’m currently listening to  ’
‘  the first step to any murder is to have fun and be yourself  ’
‘  no offense @ life but can i have a breath.. a break… some slack…  ’
‘  the best kind of alcohol is a lot  ’
‘  911 i hate to be “that guy” but i glued myself to the ceiling again  ’
‘  having “feelings” is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch  ’

too-many-goddamn-fandoms  asked:

For the honesty hour thing: So, how did you fall in love with Sakuya, and want attracts you to his character? Im interested in this!

Lol girl did I ever tell you that I love you?

It took me awhile to answer this because I needed to collect my thoughts about it. AHAHA TAKE A SEAT EVERYONE. Okay gosh where to begin….. THIS IS LIKE THE INTERVIEW I WAS WAITING FOR. HA.

Well, as some people know I wasn’t extremely fond of Sakuya when I first started Servamp about….7-8 months ago? I didn’t hate him or anything, just didn’t really care for him at first. (but that kinda goes for quite a bit of characters really, but everyone grows on me at some point. ^^)

I think what really got to me was after learning about his past and how it affected his motives, relationships and current situation in the series.

So many aspects about his characters just make so much sense but I feel like are just kinda looked over……. probably cause his backstory was kinda glazed over real quick, in my opinion at least. (Like why dammit? I have so many questions still, this series can’t do this to me.) It just really kills me inside, especially the more I thought about it and the more I think about his character.

I’m gonna kinda express some of my new random thoughts on his past , cause this intrigues me oddly: (Kinda theory time right now whoooo) AND ALL IS WHAT GIVE ME SO MANY FEELINGS MY GOSH.

Just thinking about the extent of the abuse he must’ve suffered is something that really boggles my mind…… We know it went on for years, those 6 years before his “death” and then probably a few more before that obviously, when his sister was still alive. Who’s knows how long she had to endure it though? She was much older, Sakuya was about 9 at the time, and she appeared to be High School (or maybe Middle School can’t really tell with the uniform.) 

She was also the one covered in bandages after all, and we couldn’t see any visible scars or injuries on Sakuya. So she obviously took all the beatings so he wouldn’t have too most likely but after when she died I’m sure things got worse for poor little Sakuya.

But this is my other biggest thing about the abuse he went through…

How come he never tried running away?

We all know his parents threatened to do the same thing to him as they did to his older sister, but could he really not just try and leave before anything happened? Maybe not until he got a bit older.. but still….

Was his parents that controlling? I doubt his parents even cared enough to hunt him down if he did run away…. So why didn’t he try? Did they really keep him that locked in? Its so hard for me to imagine him being and feeling that hopeless, did he have zero fight inside him?

It’s hard to imagine him not fighting back in the slightest. But he could have been a very different person back when he was human too, of course. Maybe more meek and submissive… again who knows. (To be honest, I am extremely curious about to what most of the vampires characters were like before they were vampires and who and what they did before as well.

But anyway, do you think Sakuya put up with it…

Because it was ALSO a loyalty thing??!? I’m making no jokes here. Hear me out, even if he hated his parents(I’m sure he did obviously, even though he never explicitly said he did, because we had Tsubaki tell his story, and not Sakuya.)

Do you think he never tried running away or whatever, because he just felt like he just couldn’t? Like he was betraying something? Maybe not his parents, just because “They are my parents…. whether I like it or not. I have to listen to them…

But maybe because of his sisters death? Like he felt like he had to endure it like she did for him?? I mean…. he was told:

“You don’t want your sister’s death to be a waste, right?”

YOU GUYS GET WHAT I AM SAYING HERE RIGHT? History can repeat itself….

(This boy is gonna kill me with his conflicted ass)

Maybe there wasn’t actually much physical abuse doing those years… Maybe at least for as long as he did what they said and stayed out of their way and kept their secret. But I kinda already talked about this part in a post about what I think happened to his parents after he became a vampire. (I am very sensitive about this topic alright?)

We know they killed his sister so they could get insurance money(ughh so sickening) but did they really try to kill Sakuya for more money? They would only be two people at that point…… so that’s why a part of me is like, “there’s gotta be a greater reason.” The best conclusion I came up with was “They killed him because maybe he tried to TELL someone.”

Think about it. Sakuya hates lies, he had to lie his whole life basically. He takes it very serious and to heart. WE KNOW THIS.

We know he only kept it a secret because he was threatened and didn’t want his sister’s death to be in vain…. But maybe he eventually cracked under all the pressure… And maybe tried speaking about it or was planning too and then… That was also the day he died…… Damn…. I just stabbed myself in the heart.

So yes, his past is a big factor on why I found him so interesting initially when I was new to this fandom/series, I was really hoping we would see his past elaborated a bit or learn more and see what he does and how on earth Mahiru was gonna “save him.”

I could go on and on about these two as well. Not in a shippy way…. but friendship or romantic, considering his past it makes sense to why he’s attached to Mahiru. Again in another post where I “defended his character” I guess you could say, I talked about how Sakuya’s “screwed up friendship methods” and how he really dug himself into a hole. -__- But I was saying its almost hard to blame him for going about the way he did. BECAUSE IT JUST MAKES SENSE SADLY.

Sakuya is a real lonely and distant kinda guy. After he sister died I’m sure he didn’t have much light in his life then. No one to talk too, no one who understood. No one who loved him. I’m sure growing up during those 6 years he was probably afraid to get close to anyone. What was school like for him then…. did he really have no friends at all for 6 years? It’s crazy to think about right? His childhood was anything but normal…. 

But then he received a “second chance” after Tsubaki found him and I’m sure Mahiru’s kind-hearted nature really drew him in, it’s not wrong for him to really want a friend, yeah he did go the complete wrong way about it, but unfortunately lies and deceit is all he knew how to do. He found some light in his life, and he was willing to do anything to hold on to that for as long as he could. Also HE KILLS ME because he regretted lying to Mahiru so much and did all the awful things he did/said, BECAUSE HE WAS HOPING MAHIRU WOULD HATE HIM and have his Servamp KILL HIM because he felt that was the only way to apologize for everything. and BOIII did that really kill me. AND THEN MAHIRU FORGAVE HIM STILL and now look at where he is with his conflicted loyalty….


-inhales- ALSO ONE THING I NEED TO GET OFF MY CHEST BECAUSE THIS REALLY BOTHERS ME. Before ANYONE says “Mahiru is too forgiving about the whole fake memories thing and shouldn’t have forgiven Sakuya or be his friend.” Cause I HAVE heard someone say this and it makes me angry.


  • Mahiru shouldn’t have forgiven and accepted Kuro for his past and all his sins and regrets, that he never shared with him. Also for attacking Mahiru that one time, lets not forget.
  • Mahiru shouldn’t be friends or ever trust Lawless because he’s killed so many eves and killed all of Tsubaki’s subclass and who knows what else he’s done?
  • Mahiru shouldn’t be finding a way to stop Tsubaki without killing him, because he’s not worth it.
  • Mahiru shouldn’t be trying to save Tsurugi either because he’s also done bad things.
  • AND SO ON.

SO SCREW EVERYONE WHO SAYS THAT. Cause you’re basically saying NO CHARACTER deserves happiness. -exhales- Sorry I just feel very strongly about that and I forgot to mention this in my defense post awhile ago. I feel better now~

So about Sakuya’s damn conflicted loyalty between Tsubaki and Mahiru. How are things gonna go from here?.WHICH ROUTE MY GUY? I WANT TO KNOW.

Tbh he’s kinda similar to Tsurugi in a sense (a certain someone kinda opened my eyes about that) that the whole “afraid to start something new because this is all that I’ve ever known and honestly I don’t know how to feel anymore?” kinda sense.

Although Tsurugi is debatablely the saddest character in servamp right now (backstory and current situation and all ARE WAYYY more painful.) 

What? Just cause Sakuya is my fave didn’t mean I’m completely biased about him. He sad. But not the SADDEST. I just thought I would mention this cause the parallels kinda fascinate me.

I WANT SAKUYA TO TAKE SOME ACTION. HE’S FREE NOW RIGHT??? What’s he gonna do now??? What’s he planning to do!?!? STILL WAITING HERE.

. Ughh its probably gonna be awhile until we get anything about Sakuya again. Which is fine. Cause its not his arc right now.


But still I’m extremely curious… To what he might do in the future…. I mean Sakuya and even Lilac are still running around freely unlike the other melancholy members at the moment? So will he somehow be involved with that later??? Will he find Tsubaki??? WHERE ARE YOU MY BOY?

Ughh I’m having Sakuya withdraw lol… I hope he gets to do something exciting or important soon…. Tanaka strike is TEASING ME by putting him in so many recent official arts but then NOT IN THE ACTUAL STORY. WHYYYY. (well we do see Sakuya in a recent bonus chapter so….)

I HOPE THAT MEANS STRIKE PLANS TO INCLUDE HIM AGAIN SOON. I’ll take it as foreshadowing *sobs* Strike obviously hasn’t forgotten about him….so JUST waiting and watching now.

Waiting and watching….

Sorry, that got so angsty above I wanted this post to be positive too.. So here are good/fun things I like about him:

  • Even though he character design absolutely baffles me(yes I mean the hair) I gotta say I really love it~ His hair is really something original that’s for sure. HA. His design also helped immediately catch my attention to him also I may have a bit of a “stripes bias” ahaha I own A LOT of stripe shirts myself lol always have and always will.
  • He owns a lot of pink accessories and wears pink a lot too! LET. BOYS. WEAR. PINK. YES. YOU. GO. MY. BOY.  He rocks it fight me.
  • He’s cool and I’m kinda curious on what his subclass ability is. If there is even one for him. Weapons seem to be his specialty. (F.E knives, chainsaw(which I am still trying to figure out how magically pulled out in AN ELEVATOR!?! And can make a sword outta blood apparently.

Originally posted by sleepynyashnekomancer

 But I don’t really trust the animes canon….) Also his little black strap things have a function??? THEY ARE ALIVE. WHAT

  • Look how happy Mahiru makes him. His smile is precious. He loves his friend so much I cry. I want them to be together and be friends again.

Originally posted by natsv

Originally posted by sleepynyashnekomancer

  • All the Tsubaki and Sakuya shenanigans make me laugh. One minute he’s crying to Mahiru “please don’t kill him” and the next you’re trying to put the guy into a fox trap. What even boi.
  • Has the best “yandere” expressions.
  • HE PRETTY STRONG and has great potential to be truly terrifying and useful. UNLEASH THAT POTENTIAL YOU GREEN EMO CHILD.
  • Another random thought I had was what would have things been like if Mahiru did choose to tell Sakuya about Kuro in the beginning like he originally planned? Might’ve still gone down the same way. But who knows?
  • (I could keep going tbh)


Thank you for asking Aviiiii~ <3

Taming The Brat Pt.10

As always I’m a nervous wreck posting this, but what can you do? I’d be surprised if anyone’s even still interested, it’s been so stupidly long since the last time I posted. Fingers crossed it doesn’t disappoint if you are. Also this is another long one, so I apologise in advance if this crashes the app. It’s a problem my scenarios seem to have. Anyways, my rambling aside MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL (unless of course you don’t celebrate it, in which case, HAPPY SUNDAY!! ^^) I hope you all have an amazing day, filled with endless love and good times ♡

♡Little Disclaimer♡

Genre: Angst/Smut/Nora’s AU
Requested: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Warnings: NSFW, 18+ Content, long af, crude af, slight Daddy kink, breath play, D/s relationship, BDSM themes, unnecessary dramatics. 

Pt.1 | Pt.2 | Pt.3 | Pt.4 | Pt.5 | Pt.5.5 | Pt.6 | Pt.7 | Pt.8 | Pt.9.1 | Pt.9.2 | Pt.10

Originally posted by got7europe

Originally posted by softbeom

If you’d asked me as a child what I thought the concept of normal was supposed to entail, I think the life I would’ve envisioned for myself back then would have been very different to the one I’m living now. The only silver lining I can find is the realisation my best friend is very much right about me, I’ve never much liked the mundane anyway. It was never something I strove for, I just wanted happiness. I suppose I can say I’m at least halfway there, but at the same time, it’s hard to think with such a positive outlook considering the details. I wouldn’t go so far as to sum them up as small, but awkward and misfortunate works pretty bloody well. Especially now.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Since request are open, what about Bokuto falling for someone extremely shy and introverted but he manages to catch her heart... (im like that and i am head over heels for this owlhead)

combined! i’ve been waiting 84 years to write a soulmate!au and also been waiting for some more bokuto. this also took really long to write because it ended up being long (it’s like 6-7 pages with default ms word formatting lmao)

soulmate!au: where your tattoo is like a mood ring, it changes its color depending on what your soulmate is feeling at the moment and you’re not sure exactly what rainbow means. (source) in this au, everyone’s soulmate tattoos are different depending on who you are (e.g., some have matching tattoos, some have countdown timers, etc.) also used this mood ring color chart for reference. i tried to mention or imply what each color means the first time it’s brought up, but be sure to refer to it as needed.

“___! Your tattoo! It’s rainbow!” your friend Aiko exclaims. She points to the circle on the back of your right hand, her mouth slightly agape.

You stare down at your tattoo. It takes up most of your skin there, but you’re used to it being colored only solid hues. This is the first time it’s ever been more than one color, let alone all of them. You wonder if maybe it’s similar to how when you get an actual mood ring too wet, it stops working. But that can’t be right either; they just turn black when that happens. You fling your hand a few times to see if it the tattoo will reset itself, so to speak, like you might do when a pen’s running low on ink. However, the vibrant gradient display remains.

“What do you think it means?” you ask nervously.

“You don’t know?” she questions with a raised eyebrow.

Keep reading

Christian Yu: What’s On Sight (3)


Chapter 1 // Chapter 2 // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // Chapter 5 // Chapter 6 // Chapter 7  // Chapter 8 // Chapter 9  

WARNING: Just some curse words in some part. (sorry)

A/N: (Nhaks lakas maka-A/N HAHA!) First of all, I want to apologize if anyone one of you been waiting for this update for so long (but its only bout a week. haha) anyways, here’s the CHAPTER 3. It’s a bit long due to full of convo. If you might get bored along the way, im sorry. But please do read till the end. <3 HOPE YOU ALL LIKE IT. <3

Also, just keep in mind that English is not my native language so there might be some spelling and grammar error. Sorry for my lack of talent and I promise to work hard on this. Thank you and please enjoy. Any feedback is well loved. <3

Your sleep has been broke when your mobile rang.

You open your eyes and immediately saw the digital clock on your bedside and saw its still 6 in the morning.

You plan to just ignore the call, but when you remember that it might be Christian calling, you felt some chills run thru your body and thinking that he’s already on the Arrival of the airport waiting. You suddenly reach it.

As you check the caller ID, Jamie name is on the screen.

You felt relieved. And sad.

“Hello?” you answered without energy for the lack of sleep.

“Good morning to you too Madam.” Jane said in a full of energy.

“Hah! What’s up Jamie? It’s better to be a good one on this early morning.”


Keep reading

Hot Lonely Days

Bucky x reader 
WC : 1.6K
warnings: swearing 

Credit to GIF owners 

Originally posted by buckysqueenbitch

In your year- or so - here, you had gotten pretty close to everyone, especially Natasha and Wanda. Everyone but Bucky Barns, not that you too weren’t friends but you weren’t as close as you’d like. yes your still new to him and this team but it is what it is at this point. Over these last few months, your feelings towards  this special solider had surfaced and sometimes it would be a real pain in the ass. Like last week you were in the gym, he came in without a shirt and started on his punching bag were his sweat would build up fast making him shine and you almost tripped while on the treadmill AND OF COURSE HE NOTICED.  or yesterday when he asked you if knew anything about this maybe mission they might be going on, since you always had a file first so that you could prepare the lab or yourself if needed and you just stood there like a fool only to stutter out an answer which only made him smirk.  

Keep reading


Okk first thing …
1- Warning - inculdings mentions of abuse, panic attack, depression and suicide

If that doesnt bother you please read on XD

2 -i wrote this because i cant seem to find any BTS Maknae angst which just focuses on the bromance aspect of BTS ( if you know any hook me up ;) love me some kookie angst ).

Because lets admit it, he might be the golden maknae but hes still the baby of the group that they do all so clearly love and care for— but they are also all friends. the relationship between the members is so real and i love that so much <3

3- i have no idea if im just going to leave it at this beacuse i do have another fic im in the middle of but this is just a filler so ill let you know if i will however if any body wants to write something that goes along with this chapter please message me and we can talk it out :D i love inspiring people…not that im a good writer but i count myself as decent..?

4- its 1:30 am here and i was getting annoyed not finding any jungkookie centric ot7 bromance fics so i decided to write one…i am tired and running on my 4D mind so …thats what this fic is made from…
enjoy my lovelys <333

Something so natural and right.

Thinking about trying to remember how to do it was just stupid, right?

So why can’t i do it?’ the teenager thought.

Maybe it was the stage fright. Not that he was on stage, but being in the centre of the room with six pairs of eyes watching you can be a bit nerve wracking. 

Especially when you only had your boxers on.

‘Breathe damn it! god stop being pathetic kid’
Or maybe it was the bruises, in the shape of two large hands, around his swollen neck.

The damn bruises. The ones which had put him in his current predicament. 

Maybe if he had managed to hide them better, his hyung wouldn’t had noticed. Maybe if he thought of a better reason for them being there, his hyung wouldn’t have started asking questions. Maybe if he had ignored the questions, he wouldn’t have been forced to strip until he was practically naked in front of the 6 people who he loved and respected over anything.

But maybes are pointless and stupid and he thinks that he might just hate the word maybe just as much as he hates himself.

Hurriedly, wiping a tear that had managed to escape from his eyes, he continued staring at his feet. Refusing to look up. 

He didn’t know which was worse - the current shameful embarrassment and overwhelming guilt that pulsed through his veins or to look up and see the disgust and resentment in his hyungs eyes.

Two of the many emotions he’s been of the receiving end of for months now.

The maknae is at breaking point. Or perhaps he has already crossed over it. Jungkook doesn’t know, no ones ever taught him how to deal with this feeling. 

Does the fact that he wants it all to end make him a bad person? Or how about the fact that he’s tried to end it all, does that make him selfish ?

The golden maknae. This time he doesn’t even try to stop the tear which proceeds to roll down his face.

The nickname that makes his nightmares and reality merge together until he can’t differentiate between the two. He couldn’t help but feel the irony. How could he be the golden maknae thats able to achieve anything, when he can’t even end his own life?

The cold and worn out laminated floor is now on his face and he didn’t know that floors could become vertical until realisation hits him through his own husky dry sobs that its not the floor that had changed positions, but him.
And he still can’t breath.

He does however feel the two hands that gently pick him up and set him on the couch. His ears are buzzing and he can’t make out much apart from a few words and phases …

“..panic attack…”

…and one voice, clearer than the others, from behind him which he finds weird because he’s sitting down “..just breath..”

..and he wants to scream because he can’t breath and he feels stupid and useless because now he knows that he’s clearly sitting on someones lap and that just makes him cry more because he really does not want to be touched. 

So he struggles and kicks and punches, in fact he might have even bit a few times until he’s finally allowed to be released.

He’s barely breathing now, and with a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach he knows he’s going to die. Finally he can get what he wanted, escape. 

However he doesn’t want to. Not now. Not in front of his hyungs. Cause even if they don’t care about him - having to see someone die in front of you can haunt a person for the rest of their life.

Him dying was meant to help his hyungs not hurt them.

Yes, he was going to die and Jungkook couldn’t hate himself any more if he tried and oh god he hated himself for it.

A horrific scream pierced through his ears yet even in his state it shocked him that it had also pierced through his own chest. Maybe it was because he knew death was close. I’m going to die
“..copy me Jungkookie..” a voice, far but close, begged.

”…its your hyung..“

'hyung? ’



“..i won’t hurt you..”

’..i know’

“..i promise, breath with me, in then out. in then out..” someone was pressed up against him, hugging him.

“In and out.” the voice repeated

'in and out’

“In and out.“ in the same soothing manner.

It was working, Jungkook knew that, his thoughts were becoming clearer and he breathing wasn’t as strained. 

As he started acknowledging his surroundings, the maknae found that he was indeed sitting on the floor, whilst he had his head pressed against a kneeling figure in front of him.

The smell of apple and cinnamon entered his nose and he instantly knew who it was.
'Yoongi hyung’

With this senses returning too him, reality hit the youngest member full force.
Jungkook buried his head further into his hyungs chest and let it out. His heart wrenching cries echoed in the studio.

He cried for many things. He cried for his hyungs, for his beaten body, for his secrets and for his uncertain future.

He cried until he had no more tears. Until he went limp and his sleep deprived body had finally decided enough was enough.

Then, and only then, did Jungkook sleep.


The morbid atmosphere between the 7 members was one that they had never encountered with each other before.

All the members were separated throughout the room, minus the two in the middle, yet they were all close enough to watch as there maknae had what seemed like a long awaited breakdown.

“He’s asleep.” Yoongi’s voice croaked.

It seemed like hours had passed since TaeHyung and gone over and innocently stroked Jungkooks neck, which had him discovering the secret the maknae had hidden, under his black turtle neck and baggy bottoms.

As if on instinct the majority of the members gathered around the sofa as Yoongi bought the sleeping figure closer.

Namjoon went and gathered the cloths of the youngest member.

When he had asked if there was more bruises, he knew right away that the maknae was lying. Using his seniority to force him to strip might not have been the wisest thing the leader had ever done, but he needed to see. He was being selfish, maybe, but the anger once he saw the bruises overwhelmed the leader to the point that he didn’t care.

That anger integrated itself with shock, as each article of clothing was slowly removed from Jungkook, revealing the mess his body had become.

Some parts were so discoloured that it was clear not only had someone used their hands but other objects to beat their maknae, the thought downright sickening and so disturbing that the six awake minds struggled to think anything other than what they wanted to do to the person who had hurt Jungkook so badly.

The leader had never seen anything like it and he’s not afraid to admit it was an image that will definitely scar him for life. The now dressed (but still asleep) maknae lay down on the couch, unaware of the 6 pairs of eyes watching him .All afraid to even blink, in the unlikely yet still possibility - in their minds- scenario that he will have another panic attack or more bruises will appear on his young body.

“Hyung, what do we do?”. Which hyung Jimin was referring to didn’t matter. His eyes seemed just as red rimmed as the sleeping figure on the couch.

“We help Jungkook heal.” Jin stated the obvious, various emotions dripping deep within each word spoke “We also find out who’s been hurting him. Then we deal with it.”

Silence yet once again enveloped the small group of men. All standing or sitting protectively near the injured member, stances all but daring anyone to try and get close.

Someone had been senseless enough to mess with their friend, their baby brother.

All barriers were down. All bets were off.

You don’t mess with a member of their family and get away with it and theres no point even trying when dealing with six angry hyungs.

No. Someone was going to pay.

That was a promise.

remember if you know any jongkook, angst ,ot7, bromance fics
pleaaaseee let me know
thanks for reading

link to my aff page of this if its easier:

*shamelessly writes for my own hcs* 

Take this. Its fluff and my first fic. Also not beta read so sorry for mistakes. (Go easy on me :/)

“Your hair is in knots Jesse, do you even comb back here?”

“Sorry Darlin, don’t have the energy to get all the way back there sometimes. Getting old y'know.”

Hanzo scoffed, his fingers untangling the thick mop of cowboy hair with practiced movements. This wasn’t the first time he’s had to untangle his partners hair.

Currently he was perched on the edge of their shared bed, metal legs draped over the sides with the gunslinger sitting between his calves on the carpet, cross-legged and blissed out.

“Mmm, Angel your hands are like heaven right now. Did I ever tell you how much I love you?” Jesse sighed, “Cause goddamn do I love you.”

“It is not the first time, but I will not object to hear you saying it a couple more times.”

That got a small huff of laughter from Jesse. They went quiet for a while, settling into a comfortable silence with the soft drone of a fan as background noise. Hanzo continued preening the unruly locks, massaging Jesse’s scalp along with it.

They had been together for a little over a year now, but had shamelessly flirted for at least 7 months prior to their relationship. Jesse had treated him well, always keeping his spirits up with his humor and sharp toungue. He was grateful for him. All of his heartfelt comments went straight to the samurais heart, pulling and pushing in all the right ways.

Hanzo undid the last knot, giving a small hum of victory before combing his fingers through the now smooth hair. He wondered briefly if Jesse purposely left his hair knotted just for these small moments, then decided that he didn’t care. Relaxing times such as this were sometimes few and far inbetween, and he cherished every single one of them.

“What you thinking about Han?” Jesse murmured.

“What do you mean?”

“I know you’re a man of a few words, but still, I’m beginning to miss those snarky comments about my beard and such.”

“Just reflecting.”

Jesse turned to face him, setting his chin on one of Hanzo’s thighs. His hands began to massage his calves, running smooth circles into his sensitive skin.

The samurai sighed, placing his hand on Jesse’s scruffy cheek, drawing odd figures into the dark skin with his thumb.

“What’s got you all worked up Buttercup?”

Hanzo gave a small huff at the nickname.

“You. Us. What we are.” He murmured. “How lucky I am to be with you. Sappy stuff.”

“Hmm, I’ll let you know that I think about that on a daily basis.”

They both laughed, small and lighhearted. Jesse stood, knees creaking in protest, and cupped Hanzo’s face.

“I love you Hanzo, and I’ll be damned if anyone tells you otherwise.” He leaned in, kissing his boyfriend fully.

Hanzo hummed into the kiss, wrapping his arms around Jesse’s neck. When they pulled away they were both smiling.

“I love you Jesse, but please learn how to correctly comb your hair.” He purred.

“Yes sir.” Jesse joked, pulling Hanzo in for another kiss.

Hope you enjoyed this! I kinda want to write a n s f w one now… We’ll see though.

Questionnaire found on Tumblr

1: Name: Anonymous
2: Age: old enough to be a mother too young to feel wise
3: 3 Fears: Innertia, Fear Itself, Stunted evolution…
4: 3 things I love: Love, Empathetic Life Forms, Nature
5: 4 turn ons: Courage, Fearlessness, People who know how to find the beauty & inspiration in the quotidian spaces of Life, Anything New.
6: 4 turns off: Hate, Miss-placed Anger, Ignorance, Dogma,
7: My best friend, Loves unconditionally and knows were all connected…
8: Sexual orientation, What ever floats my boat at that moment.
9: My best first date, Don’t date.
10: How tall am I, physically 5'5" Mentally 6'0"
11: What do I miss, Space, clean air, clean water and respect for Nature within the community.
12: What time was I born, 8 pm.
13: Favorite color, White because it’s said to hold the whole prism of color in its reflected light.
14: Do I have a crush, yup.
15: Favorite quote, Dylan Thomas: “Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.”
16: Favorite place: ’ Any Place on earth with pristine nature.
17: Favorite food: Almost Anything with white truffles
18: Do I use sarcasm: ‘Does a Bear Shit in the Woods?
19: What am I listening to right now: The Silence of the Hotel Room
20: First thing I notice in new person: Their Personality
21: Shoe size: 7.5 American
22: Eye color: Brown
23: Hair color: Brown
24: Favorite style of clothing: Tight, Snug, Comfortable, Fitted, Great fabrics such as Cashmere, silk blends, and any durable brands i can find with quality tailoring
25: Ever done a prank call?: ’ This is the Department of Water and Power, were having technical issues in the Area were wondering if your water’s running.“ … "Go catch it”
27: Meaning behind my URL, integration, connection, channeling of creative inspiration…
28: Favorite movie: Movies to me are like Music, Transient impermanent emotions that can’t be isolated to one genre, vibe, or platform. Cabaret, resevior dogs, pulp fiction, clockwork orange, fight club, alice and wonderland, lion king, Wallie, Blade Runner, Woman under the influence, Thelma and Louise, Fried green tomatoes, Bad Boys, Men In Black, The dark Night, Batman, Natural Born Killers, Rebel without a cause, The outsiders, Rumble fish, Bullet, Menace to society, coming to America, Independence day, Johnny 5, 12 monkeys, Stand By me, Blood in Blood Out, The constant Gardner, the insider, Woman Under the Influence, the hustler, Cool hand Luke, Cat on a hot tin roof, all about eve, inherit the wind, the newsroom, Bonnie and Clyde, Butch cassidy and the sundance kid, The Matrix, Bel duJour, the story of O, Men prefer Blonds, The devil wears prada, west side story,
29: Favorite song:I’ll be here all night writing my favorite songs its too vast to choose a favorite,
30: Favorite band: The Rolling stones covered most of my life’s emotional roller coaster of growth and evolution, in the lyrics their attitude throughout the years and especially in their time transcending classic sound.
31: How I feel right now, Mellow, Anxious, Determined, Lost… Found. Cycles through this pattern for hours…
32: Someone I love, can hurt me, can raise me, can inspire me, can bring me down, can be the fuel to my flight, or the hole in my wing.
33: My current relationship status, Running Solo, no time for distractions I’m going in, Over… Im going in…
34: My relationship with my parents: Honest, hauntingly a reality check on the impermanence of life. It’s funny at times sarcastic full of gratitude and a Joker’s smirk at all hardships endured.
35: Favorite holiday: Halloween, because when the masks come on they are actually coming off… It’s a chance to be playful celebrate life with all its archetypical symbols bells and whistles, and after the night of chaos and debauchery you see the masks slip and the truth sneaks out from all my inebriated friends, self included.
36: Tattoos and piercing i have; no piercings, One ink tattoo Hat Teaw Buddhist five point prayer tattoo from Thailand it’s on my shoulder. Its an almost 4,000 year old Buddhist tradition from south east Asia past down from generations of fighting monks who used these inked prayers made up of Kuhmer and Pali language to protect them in war.
37: Tattoos and piercings I want from now on should be invisible to the naked eye and spiritual in some way that reminds me why I live but doesn’t make an exhibition out of it.
38: The reason I joined Tumblr, is cause I became addicted to the influx of creative information I could gather after I found the right cluster of Blog’s to follow.
39: Do I and my last ex hate each other? never, well I’ll never know what the other thinks, really.
40: Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts? when I tantalize a soul who connects on a deep level yes, It’s a transient experience for me though, never quite lasts more than 2 years this chemical psychological physical dance.
41: Have I ever kissed the last person I texted? yes
42: When did I last hold hands? hours ago
43: How long does it take me to get ready in the morning? 15 minutes to an hour depends on my mood and my agenda.
44: Have You shaved your legs in the past three days? yes
45: Where am I right now? earth
46: If I were drunk & can’t stand, who’s taking care of me? I uber a cab and go home alone.
47: Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level? Loud along as I know Im not invading anyones space with it.
48: Do I live with my Mom and Dad? No
49: Am I excited for anything? All or nothing. Either Im inspired because I’m learning vibing off a new experience or I’m counting the hours till the mundane monotonous task is over & I’m liberated to do as I please again.
50: Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to? Yes
51: How often do I wear a fake smile? 25 % of the time out in public not to be rude to a stranger invading my personal space. That percentage goes to 50% when I have to run an errand and Im in a bad mood.
52: When was the last time I hugged someone? Hours ago
53: What if the last person I kissed was kissing someone else right in front of me? I’d wonder if this is an opportunity for a group fun situation or if the person i was kissing is just greedy and wants all the fun alone.
54: Is there anyone I trust even though I should not? There are lots of people I trust that conventional wisdom would say I shouldn’t but my measurement mechanism for trust is calibrated in such a way where I rarely trust just any human with sacred things like my heart or my life.
55: What is something I disliked about today? The seeming lack of Humanity in the systems ruling countries, where monetary incentives override reason, logic, & and in most cases ethics.
56: If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? The gatekeeper for the mysterious ancient library of Vatican Island. I believe they’re may be some texts from Alexandria and other libraries burnt down across the ancient world during the roman inquisition that may hold some cool research and unveil lots of mysteries that shouldn’t be mysteries at all.
57: What do I think about most? I think about how I can take all the seemingly meaningless information Ive accumulated throughout my life and consolidate it all into film. Whether they’ll be good or bad I don’t know, but I spend most of my time trying to consolidate information. I have hope that this next generation will take this saturated era of ‘information’ and consolidate the best of this ‘intel’ into pockets of useful quality.Im not part of this generation so I struggle with Meta Data Filing.
58: What’s my strangest talent? Accumulation seemingly useless information over the course of decades, on Technology, political statistics, Nature, economy and resurfacing these pieces of intel into story lines for projects Im working on, script concepts. I wouldn’t call it a talent but its definitely strange.
59: Do I have any strange phobias? Deep ocean freaks me out…
60: Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind
61: What was the last lie I told? That I was exited too.
62: Do I prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? phone, I like to leave room for multitasking and I don’t want anyone offended that i don’t seem to give them my full attention.
63: Do I believe in ghosts? I believe in stagnant energy forces that can disrupt our 4 known dimensions in existence by blinking in and out of our space time continuum similar to electrons when they shift from wave form back to particle. Since were all made up of never dying energy that is constantly changing at a quantum level, a transition from life to death that isn’t energetically tracked by any great pier reviewed scientific papers… I leave room for the theories; Egyptian, Indian, Greek, and Roman Mystics. Living my mind open to the idea that after death a ball of energetic intension can linger at a traumatic place of death, I can imagine souls lingering between dimensions in a limbo of sorts with an energetic equivalent of a stunted consciousness or a ball of traumatized streams of energy with no conducive flow out of their stagnant state, like crumpled up charged wires that can’t exit their frequency because the wires are all knotted up blocking the flow. Something like that could disrupt our dimension of time and space. Energy is everywhere and not all energy flows freely, i can picture it.
64: Do I believe in magic?I believe magic is only magic to the people who don’t know how the act of magic was accomplished in our physical world. So yes I do believe in Magic, I just have a feeling that the practice of Magic is a science in the manipulation of nature and perception.
65: Do I believe in luck? I believe in subtle energetic attractions caused by an individuals mental processes, & this is my definition to the cause of such phenomena as the perception of Luck. When you think, you shift, by default, what you see in your experience through life. What you Think shifts your reticular activation system, and that affects what you see, what you hear, what you feel, and all that affects what you can attract in your life or repel. Im think it’s whats perceived as luck.
66: What’s the weather like right now? cold
67: What was the last book I’ve read? 'The Grand Inquisitor’ by Fyodor Dostoevsky
68: Do I like the smell of gasoline? no
69: Do I have any nicknames? Mitchy Mish MRod
70: What was the worst injury I’ve ever had? I fell trying to climb onto the second floor of the gym in some useless stunt and I snapped the ACL from my knee upon landing.
71: Do I spend money or save it? Spend invest but mostly spend…
72: Can I touch my nose with a tongue? Only if i push my nose down
73: Is there anything pink in 10 feet from me? My Jacket is Salmon pink so i guess yeah, but I must say thats rare.
74: Favorite animal? Any type of cat
75: What was I doing last night at 12 AM? Watching the film 'Interstellar’
76: What do I think is Satan’s last name is? Osiris, Hades, or Tammuz
77: What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it? 'I’m a Passenger’ by Iggy Pop
78: How can you win my heart? Always look me in the eye with a well informed smile of goodwill and honesty, revealing your truth constantly to me, no mask, just love, humility, drive, and relentless will towards evolution & spiritual growth.
79: What would I want to be written on my tombstone? I want to be cremated and blown into the ocean
80: What is my favorite word? evolution
81: My top 5 blogs on tumblr: I’m partial to the mixture of them 'All’ setting my favorite tone. Most of the blogs i follow are specialized & catering to varying aesthetic vibes, so much so that splitting any of the 100 or so into 5 would undermine what I favor overall.
82: If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say? 'Do the world a favor… kill yourself’. Jklol, I guess I would say 'We are One, Fighting that Peace of Truth is a race in futility, lets go with the tide for once and try Love over Hate.’
83: Do I have any relatives in jail? Not that I know of but then again I haven’t talked to that side of the family in a long time.
84: I accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow me with the super-power of my choice! What is that power? Inter-dementional Space Time travel. This way I can harness my consciousness and leave my body at will to go anywhere I want in my eternal energetic form, fully cognitive memory in tact even after my body dies.Like those tibetan rainbow monks.
85: What would be a question I’d be afraid to tell the truth on? Do you believe mankind will be responsible enough to save himself and his home planet from blatant destruction in time for the next generation?
86: What is my current desktop picture? A Jack Kerouac Quote:’ Here’s to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble makers The round heads in the square holes The ones who see things differently They’re not fond of rules & they have no respect for the status quo You can quote them, Disagree with Them Glorify them or Vilify them The only thing you can’t do is ignore them Because they change things They push the human race forward & While some may see them as the crazy ones we see Genius Because the people who think they can change the world are the ones who do.“
87: Had sex? Long, Long ago, in a Galaxy far far Away.
88: Bought condoms? Lamb Skin, Magnums, Trojans
89: Gotten pregnant? Nope
90: Failed a class? Most
91: Kissed a boy? A few
92: Kissed a girl? A few
93: Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain? No but that sounds amazing
94: Had job? Summer
95: Left the house without my wallet? all the time
96: Bullied someone on the internet? Not since they had Yahoo fight chat rooms…
97: Had sex in public? been a while
98: Played on a sports team? charity event long ago
99: Smoked weed? only when prescribed
100: Did drugs? plead the fifth
101: Smoked cigarettes? I vape
102: Drank alcohol? last week
103: Am I a vegetarian/vegan? tried it for 6 months went anemic I’m missing enzymes to break down nuts and green. So answers not anymore
104: Been overweight? nope
105: Been underweight? nope
106: Been to a wedding? yup in spring
107: Been on the computer for 5 hours straight? last night
108: Watched TV for 5 hours straight? 3 days ago
109: Been outside my home country? 4 days ago
110: Gotten my heart broken? often. usually
111: Been to a professional sports game? beginning of 2014
112: Broken a bone? nope
113: Cut myself? a month ago on a coke bottle cap
114: Been to prom? nope
115: Been in airplane? constantly
116: Fly by helicopter? 3 times last year
117: What concerts have I been to? Metallica Beyonce Madonna Prince
118: Had a crush on someone of the same sex? yup
119: Learned another language? bilingual spanish / english
120: Wore make up? last week event
121: Lost my virginity before I was 18? 17
122: Had oral sex? plead the 5th
123: Dyed my hair? never
124: Voted in a presidential election? plead the 5th
125: Rode in an ambulance? once
126: Had a surgery? nope
127: Met someone famous? happens often
128: Stalked someone on a social network? never
129: Peed outside? often at burning man
130: Been fishing? once or twice in life don’t like it
131: Helped with charity? often
132: Been rejected by a crush? once
133: Broken a mirror? don’t think so
134: What do I want for birthday? New Vibe New Friends creative space…

Progress Two


The sound of baby cries filled the bedroom through the monitor that was situated on the bedside table right next to my head. Letting out a groan, i rolled over and squinted my eyes as I searched for the time on the clock next to the monitor. Five AM flashed brightly in red letters, causing a sigh to escape my lips as I quickly slipped out of bed and slid into my cotton shorts and cami that had been thrown on the floor thanks to the last night loving.

Grabbing the baby monitor as well as my phone, I slipped them into the pocket of my silk robe and quickly dashed out of my bedroom and jogged over to the twins nursery where my 8 week year old baby Cameron was crying his eyes out as Candice slept through it without a care in the world.

Turning the bedside lamp on, I subconsciously pouted at the sight of my baby boy crying and quickly lifted him up as I cooed him with a soft voice so he could stop crying. Cringing at the smell that was generating from his nappie, I frowned as I walked over to the change table and quickly fixed the source of the problem as I sung a low lullaby which seemed to help settle his loud cries.

Changing Cameron into a basic blue onesie, I grabbed his blinky and cradled him in my ams as I made my way out of the nursery and tip toed by the kids bedrooms and made my way down the stairs and into the lounge room which seemed to have the TV already playing.

Groaning at the thought of Chris leaving the TV on once again, I jumped back as I stifled a scream as a figure was sitting on one of the couches with there legs hitched up on the coffee table as they ate. My hand quickly found the light switch and seconds later the bright light filled the room as my gaze settled on the figure which caused me to playfully roll my eyes.

“Do you ever go home?”, I chuckled causing Jesse to look up from the Tv as he continued to shove a spoon full of fruit loops in his mouth. Before he could speak up, I made my way over and sat on one of the couches across him and settled Cameron comfortably in my arms.

“May as well move back in”, I chuckled while covering my right shoulder and breast so that Cameron could feed without me being exposed to Jesse.

“Man Im considering it, I cant deal with kids”, He huffed as he ate another spoon full of food while I laughed lowly.

“You do realize theres more kids here then at your place?”, I chuckled as I shook my head and lifted my feet on the coffee table along side Jesses.

“Yea but they aint mine, meaning I ain’t got no responsibility around here, I can be free without all that ‘family shit’”, He muttered in a bitter tone which only causing me to shake my head.

This wasn’t anything new so I knew all I had to do was sit back and let ole boy rant on about his ‘miserable’ family life. Jesse pretty much lived at our house, Im talking he has his own room and everything which he uses to sleep here 4 times out of the 7 days a week.

See its not that Jesse doesn’t love his wife and kids, because he does. He loves them a lot but the thing is Jesse can only handle them in small doses so he usually seeks out refuge at our house which of course we don’t mind.

“Hol up, why are you up at 5 am?”, I asked skeptically as I knew Jesse valued his sleep almost as much as he valued his food, “A nigga woke up hungry”, He explained causing me to nod as it now made sense.

“Which kid you got?”, He muttered as he looked over with narrowed eyes trying to tell which baby I held as Cameron was hiding under the blanket.

“Cameron”, I cheesed causing Jesse to smile wide as Cameron was now his favourite kid all because he had his middle name and Jesse believed that it meant Cameron was the most special one out of all the kids, including his own.

Fifteen minutes later Cameron had finished up with his feeding and after burping him, I handed him over to his favourite uncle who seemed to be the only one that could get him to stop cryin out of everyone, again Jesse says its because his special and they have a connection because they share the same name.

“You want more fruit loops?”, I yawned as I stood up and stretched out my tense limbs while looking over at Jesse who was currently watching a marathon of Sons of Anarchy .

“Yea lil bitt and this time can you put half fruit loops half coco pops?”, He asked sweetly causing me to playfully roll my eyes as he laughed and handed me his now empty bowl.

Making my way into the kitchen I bumped into Maria, who was our Nappy/Housekeeper who had been with us for many years. I loved Maria as if she was my own mother and the kids as well as the adults call her Nana because she was like a grandmother to us all, I on the other hand called her Mama.

“Goodmorning my beautiful girl, you up with the babies?”, Her heavy spanish accent sung out as she continued to bake in the kitchen that she frequently informed was her favourite part of the house. Nana Maria, was a amazing baker as well as a cook who claimed the kitchen as hers the first day we hired her, we haven’t regretted giving it up to her once yet.

“Cameron woke up early this morning. Why you up Mama?”, I smiled as I kissed her cheek before quickly dipping my finger in the cupcake batter before she could see.

“I wanted to make some cupcakes for my little ones before they woke up”, She smiled causing me to mirror her smile as I shook my head and poured mine and Jesses cereal.

“You spoil them too much but your amazing Mama”, I grinned as I grabbed the bowls of cereal and kissed her cheek one last time before making my way back into the lounge only to find my baby Cyson rubbing his eyes as he sat on the couch I had previously been on.

“Good morning sweetie”, I gushed as I pecked his baby lips before handing Jesse his bowl of cereal and taking a seat next to Cyson who immediately crawled on my lap.

“Morning mommy”, He mumbled lowly as he opened his mouth waiting for me to feed him some fruit loops which caused me to laugh as his sleepy state was still evident due to his eyes being closed.

“Why are you up so early baby?”, I mumbled softly as he snuggled closer into my chest while he began chewing the fruit loops and tired to yawn at the same time, “Im not tired anymore mommy”, He mumbled lowly as he began to play with my hair while watching the Tv that Jesse had switched over to cartoon network.

Sitting in silence for the next half an hour as we watched re runs of the looney tunes show, I must had fallen asleep because the next time I opened my eyes, Cassius,  Kendall and Rome where now all awake and sitting around the lounge room watching TV with Jesse, Cy and myself.

Yawning as I sat up, I stretched out my arms and lifted up Cyson a little bit and shifted him onto the couch next to me as my legs where now numb and had pins and needles through them.

“Shouldnt you all be getting ready for school?”, I yawned while raising my eyebrow causing everyones attention to be turned on me, “Daddy said we can stay home”, Cash announced causing me to scrunch my face up in annoyance as Chris was forever letting them stay at home.

“I dont think so, get your little asses up. You guys are going to school”, I ordered causing them all to groan and complain but immediately went quiet as I clapped my hands while scolding them.

“Come on kids, you heard your mother. Lets go get you ready”, Maria instructed as she made her way into the lounge room and shuffled all the kids out of the room and towards the stairs just as my phone began to ring from inside my pocket.

Pulling it out I chuckled at the sight of Cat’s name flashing and quickly answered, “Morning girl, yes his here and it doesn’t look like his moving from this couch any time soon”, I informed her straight away as I knew why she was calling due to this happening every time she wakes up and doesnt find Jesse there.

“One of these days Ki, I swear Im gonna kick his ass one of these days”, She sighed dramatically as I went over and picked up a sleeping Cameron from Jesses arms and proceeded to take him upstairs as I held the phone between my ear and shoulder.

“Girl why are you even stressing, its always the same and you know he aint ever gonna change”, I chuckled before lowering my voice as I entered the nursery that Candice was still soundly sleeping in.

“I know girl but this nigga lives at your house. What you think if me and my kids move in with you?”, She jokingly asked which caused my eyes to go wide as there was a hint of seriousness in her voice. 

“I love you babe, I do but no way can I handle more kids in this house, its already a mad house as it is”, I nervously chuckled trying to defuse that idea out of her head as no way in hell could I handle more people living here not to mention Chris would lose his shit if she moved in.

After all these years Chris had finally forgiven Cat but just like Jesse, he can only take her in small doses, not to mention her daughter, our niece being the sassiest little thing out causing Chris wanting to strangle both her and her mom on a daily basis.

“Argh your right, I just dont know what to do with his ass any more Kiara !”, She groaned causing me to sigh as I made my way into Cash and Cy’s room to make sure they were getting ready only to find a shirtless Chris already in there helping them get ready.

“I honestly dont no what to tell you Cat, Jesse’s always going to be Jesse the best you can do is just love him and give him the space that he needs I guess”, I shrugged as if she could see me causing Chris to look over and raise a eyebrow before mouthing ‘Cat’ to him, to which he rolled his eyes in response.

“I guess thats true anyways babe Ill let you go I know you need to get the kids ready, Ill speak to you a little later”, She gushed before hanging up without giving me a chance to say good bye.

Sighing I pulled the phone away with a groan and shoved it into my pocket and mentally reminded myself to punch Jesse for making me play therapist to his wife once again because he refused to be a normal husband and sleep at home.

It wasn’t like he cheated on her, because he didn’t and won’t but for some fucked up Jesse didn’t like to sleep at home next to his wife , something that till this day we never understood as he refused to ever explain.

“Your fault for even answering”, Chris chuckled before I could even say anything causing me to playfully roll my eyes as I helped Cassius into his light blue Ralph Lauren shirt that brought out his eyes .

“Don’t even start, I swear Im gonna kick Jesses ass one of these days. Always putting me in the middle”, I sighed while shaking my head, “Again, your fault for answering. I’on how many times I gotta tell ya ass to just ignore that shit”, He chuckled as he lifted Cyson off the bed and onto his feet.

“Nearly had a heart attack when she suggested she moves in”, I blurted out causing me to subconsciously slap my hand over my mouth as a mug immediately spread across Chris’ features, “Over my dead body”, He muttered bitterly causing me to start laughing as I tied Cash’s shoes on.

“Na forreal, y’all gonna have to kill me before that ever happens”, He huffed in annoyance as Cyson and Cash watched on with confused expressions before shrugging their little shoulders and running off, out of the room.

“Stop being a grumpy pants, Simba”, I chuckled as I walked over and wrapped my arms around his neck. Standing on my tippy toes, I pecked his lips a few times before he placed his hands on my lips and hoisted me up so I could wrap my legs around his waist.

“Mmmm I missed you”, I mumbled as he pulled away a little so he could trail kisses down my neck where he proceeded to suck on my spot that always gets me hot and bothered.

“All the things Imma do to you”, He muttered huskily as his hands found their way to my ass, gripping one while slapping the other hard.

“MOMMYYYYYYY!”, Kings voice yelled out causing a groan to escape both Chris’ and mine lips as we pulled away, “We sending their asses off to school and than we coming straight home so I can be buried inside you”, He groaned causing me to press my thighs together at the very thought.

“And you were gonna let them stay home today”, I smirked slyly as he suddenly lifted me up over his shoulder and ran out of the boys room and down the stairs as I squealed and laughed the whole way down.

“My turn daddy, my turn!”, Kendall giggled and clapped her hands as Chris carried me into the kitchen where all the kids sat around the breakfast bar eating bowls of cereal.

“Eat first babygirl”, Chris mumbled as me set me on my feet and gave Kendall as kiss on her head as she started to pout, “Come on princess, you have playgroup and you don’t want to be late”, I said as I cuddled her from behind while kissing her cheek which happened to send her into a fit of giggles.

“Mommy I want cuddles”, King sniffled as tears swelled in his eyes causing me to pout while Chris had a look of disgust plastered on his face, “Fuck you crying for? Man up bra”, Chris muttered while shaking his head.

Hitting the back of his head I sent him a mug before picking up my now crying son and cradling him while kissing all over his face, “Mommy gets sad when her special baby is crying”, I whispered in his ear causing his cries to stop and turn into a small sniffle as he wrapped his small arms around my neck and buried his face in my chest,

“Daddies just being a grumpy pants cause he hasn’t had his fruit loops and we all know how much daddy loves his fruit loops, right?”, I chuckled while kissing his head causing him to start laughing as he nodded his head.

Chris on the other hand wore a salty expression as he eyed the box of fruit loops, trying to decide if he should give us the satisfaction of us being right about him being grumpy due to no fruit loops.

Hunger outweighed his pride and he grabbed a huge ball and poured himself half the box just as Rome and Jesse made there way in, discussing Romeos game this afternoon.

“You and dad coming to the game right, it’s the semi finals”, Rome asked like he did every time he had a game as he liked to be reassured we’d be there to watch and cheer him on. Since joining the team, we had religiously attended all of his games and have never missed one no matter what.

“Of course sweetheart, we wouldn’t miss it for the world. Its at 4 right?”, I asked as Jesse grabbed two more bowls and poured him and Rome some fruit loops, which would now be Jesses third bowl just this morning.

“Yea 4 and it’s a home game and I was wondering if I could go out with the boys after if we win tonight”, He asked causing me to shrug my shoulders and I nodded my head at Chris so he could ask him, “Dad, can I?”

“Can you what?”, Chris mumbled with a mouth filled with food as he lifted his head and looked confused. He had been so engrossed with eating that he had missed the entire conversation.

“Don’t eat with your mouth full”, Cash ordered causing me, Jesse and Rome to try and hide our amusement while Chris just mugged him before dumping his spoon into Cash’s bowl and taking a massive scoop out of it.

“DADDDD!”, Cash yelling as a frown covered his baby face.

“Better watch who you yelling at nigga. Lower your voice”, Chris pointed his finger at Cash who huffed before jumping off his seat and storming away .

“Was that necessary Chris? And will you stop swearing in front of the kids”, I muttered out causing him to sigh dramatically before turning his attention back to Romeo, “What was you asking before bra?”.

“Semi finals are tonight”, Rome mumbled while chewing.

“Yea we’ll be there, front and center fucking with the other team”, He chuckled as him and Jesse high fived while I rolled my eyes and wiped Kings face from all the milk he managed to get on there.

“You almost done sweetheart?”, I ask Kendall who had lifted up the bowl and began drinking the rest of the milk, “Yes mommy”, Her muffled voice came out from inside the bowl.

“So if we win tonight, can I go celebrate with the boys?”, Rome asked Chris who was now placing his and Cysons empty bowl in the sink.

“That’s fine bra, as long as your back at a respectably hour and if you end up drinking I’on wanna find out you drove home. You call me and Ill come pick you up, you here me?”, Chris said as he stated the rules which Romeo never broke hence why we trusted him and let him come and go as he pleased.

“Yea I gotcha dad, anyways Imma hit the road before Im late. Ill see y’all this afternoon”, Rome cheesed as he came around and gave me a kiss on the cheek before running out of the kitchen.

“Imma buy that nigga a lambo if he wins the championships”, Chris randomly blurted out as he reached over for King who was still being salty towards his dad.

“Baby, we just got him a brand new Audi R8 last year”, I chuckled as King pushed Chris’ hands away and turned around to hide his face in my chest.

Sucking his teeth, Chris frowned as he made is way around the kitchen counter and lifted King from my lap which caused King to cry as he protested, “So? The nigga deserves it”, Chris continued as he ignored King.

“Look, Im sorry for being a big meanie before okay? Mommy was right, daddy was just hungry”, He explained to King who’s crying instantly started to die down. Balling his small hands into fists, he used them to rub his eyes before looking up at Chris is a pout which causing me to mouth a ‘aww’, at how cute he was.

“Big mweany daddy”, King sniffled as a cheesy smile broke out across Chris’ face. No matter much he acted like a tough guy, Chris’ weaknesses are his kids. He adored them and no matter how he acted towards them, he always made it up to them and made sure they didn’t stay mad at him.

“Daddy still a meanie if he takes you to get ice cream later?”, Chris smirked as Kings eyes lit up, “No I wuv daddy now !”, He yelled out in excitement while bouncing in Chris’ arms.

“Can I get ice cream too daddy?”, Kendall sweet voice asked causing me to look over as I pushed one of her curls away from her face.

“You got playgroup today baby, but when we go to Romeos game we’ll get some on the way, okay?”, Chris said causing Kendall to nod her head before looking over at me, “Mommy, Im finished now. Can we go to playgroup now? Jason is waiting for me”, She asked causing me to nod my head as I jumped off my seat.

“Who the fuck is Jason?”, Chris suddenly yelled causing us all to jump at the sudden outburst.

“Her boyfwend dad”, Cyson said and I swear for a second I thought I saw him smirk before jumping off the seat and running inside.

“Boyfriend? Mother fucker ! You know about this shit Kiara?”, Chris grumbled as his face began to turn red while Jesse just sat there smiling like a fool.

“You really gonna believe a 6 year old?”, I chuckled as I shook my head and picked Kendall up who looked confused and scared .

“Whats a boyfwend mommy?”, She whispered loudly causing me to laugh, “Nothing baby, your brother is going to get in trouble for lying. Come on pretty girl, lets go get your bag”, I smiled as I kissed her cheek and began to walk out of the kitchen.

“Better not have no boyfriend, Ill run that mother fucker over. Got me fucked up bra”, I heard him mumble as Jesse finally let it all out and began laughing like a hyena.

Making a wick stop to my room, I place Kendall on my bed and slipped into some tight skinny jeans and a causal top, pairing it with some Jordans to finish off the look.

Once I was done, I held Kendalls hand as we made our way to her room, where I fixed her hair in a long, wavy ponytail and grabbed her bag before holding her small hand as he went off to the twin boys room.

Cy and Cash were lounging around on their beds, each holding there own ipad as they yelled at the screen while playing some game, “Hey! Get your little asses up, we leaving for school and you Mr Cyson are not getting any ice cream after school”, I said causing his eyes to immediately to look up with a sad face.

 “Why mommy?”, He mumbled with his innocent act that he always uses, knowing that I always cave.

“What I tell you about lying? Trying to get your sister in trouble for no reason. You should be sticking up for her not lying to your dad”, I scold him causing a genuine frown to appear on his face.

Turning off his ipad, he slipped off the bed and made his way over as Kendall hid behind my leg, “Sorry Kenny, I didn’t mean to lie”, He mumbled in a sad tone as he wrapped his small arms around her shoulders and kissing her on the cheek.

“Its owkay CyCy, Mommy can Cy pwease have ice cweam with us now?”, She asked with hopeful eyes causing a proud smile  to form across my face as I tried my hardest not to shed a tear at how beautiful my kids were, “Yes he can, now grab your bags boys we have to go”, I smiled as I led Kendall out and made one last stop in front of my baby twins room where Maria currently was.

“Mama, Im just dropping the kids off. You gonna be okay with the twins?”, I asked already knowing she would be but it was just a habit of mine.

“Yes baby Im fine”, She smiled as she came over and gave Kendall a kiss on the forehead, “Have a good day princess”, She cooed as Kendall grinned, “Bye Nana”.

The kids all stood beside the door that led to the garage, holding their bags as they waited for me to grab my bag and keys, “Baby Im going to drop the kids off, ill be home soon!”, I yelled out towards the games room where Chris and Jesse were no doubt playing video games.

“Come on my babies”, I smiled as I opened the garage door and watched as they all ran over to one of the black SUV’s. Helping them all in the back seats, the sound of the garage door opening and closing causing me to look over my shoulder and find Chris coming out  with his phone and wallet in his hand.

“Whats wrong baby?”, I asked as I snapped King into his baby seat and shut the door. “Im coming with you”, Chris muttered as he took the car keys out of  my hand and went over to the driver seat. Mushing my eyebrows together, I jumped in the front seat and raised a eyebrow at him, “Why you looking at me like that?”, He mumbled as he looked out the rear view mirror and began backing out of the garage.

“You never give up getting high and playing video games with Jesse, so what gives?”, I asked accusingly causing him to chuckle as he reversed all the way onto the street before whipping the car around and heading to the twins school first.

“Gotta see who this Jason nigga is”, He shrugged simply causing my mouth to drop open before busting up in laughter while he kept a completely serious face.

“Whats funny mommy?”, Cash asked as he leaned forward in his seat trying to stick his head between the seat so he could see us.

“Sit back baby and mommy and daddy are just joking around”, I explained before looking back over at Chris with a grin.

“I cant believe how dead serious you are”, I smirked causing him to look over with a frown before his eyes looked me up and down while licking his lips.

His eyes landed back on mine and a slow small smile formed across his face, “Niggas only wait for girls at the front of school for one reason”, He explained causing me to bite my lip in amusement, “Their barely 5 years old, they don’t even think about stuff remotely close to that”, I tried to reason with him although he shook his head not wanting to hear all that.

“Gots to make sure”, He shrugged before leaning over and turning the music on as Tupac filled the car. Both Cy and Cash started nodded their heads as they mumbled the words trying to rap along side their dad and Tupac.

15 minutes later we pulled up to the twins school and I jumped out of the passenger side and helped them both out. Shrugging their bags on their backs I bent down and kissed their heads, “Have fun and be good. Ill pick you up from here at 2:00”, I told them as I held there hands and walked them to the door.

“Okay, bye mommy!’, Cash yelled before taking off into the building.

“Love you mama”, Cy smiled sweetly before he began walking off. Smiling at how grown my boys were now, I made my way back into the car and Chris began chuckling instantly.

“What?”, I mumbled as he pulled out of the car park and towards Kendalls playgroup, “They been going to school for how many months now and you still be tearing up”, He laughed as I side eyed him.

“I do not”, I mumbled lowly, knowing he was completely right., “You do, aint no need to lie to yo man. Shit is cute tho”, He smirked as I huffed and folded my arms across my chest and ignored his stupid grin.

“Just shut up and drive, Kenny is gonna be late”, I ordered as I lent over and turned the music up before he could say any slick shit.

Thankfully Kendall’s school was only around the corner so it took us no less than 10 minutes to get there. As soon as Chris pulled up and parked the car he was already taking his seat belt off and getting out of the car. Shaking my head with a smirk, I got out and went to help Kendall out as Chris got King out and carried him around.

“Theres really no need for you to come in”, I told him although it fell on deaf ears as he handed King over and instead held Kendalls hand as he began walking over to the main entrance of the school.

“Where this nigga at?”, He asked loudly while looking around causing me to sigh as I followed close behind, “What ninja daddy?”, Kendall asked innocently, not knowing her father was plotting to kill her so called boyfriend.

“Chris ! Enough”, I whispered harshly just as Kendall yelled out Jacobs name as she laughed, “I gotta go, bye mommy, bye daddy. Love you!”, She yelled before taking off down the path way.

“Wait! Fucking kids”, Chris muttered as he began to make his way after Kendall but suddenly stopped, his mouth hanging opened as I smirked. I turned around and began to make my way back to the car but looked over my shoulder as I heard Chris whisper my name loudly, “Yes sweetheart?”, I asked casually as he caught up.

“The nigga aint a nigga”, He sighed in relief causing me to frown as I looked over at him, “What the hell Chris”, I muttered as I shook my head.

“Baby you don’t get it. He white !”, He laughed as I rolled my eyes, “Obviously but whats your point?”, I asked with a raised eyebrow as we passed mothers and children making their way into the building.

“My point is we aint got nothing to worry about ! He white, white people aint got big dicks like us niggas, meaning they aint get horny like us!”, He laughed loudly causing me to groan as mothers looked at us with shocked expressions and mouths wide open.

“Will you please just shut up”, I gritted out as he continued to laugh which only seemed to make King fall into a fit of laughter as he watched his dad laughing like he lost his damn mind.

“What am I gonna do with you, honestly”, I sighed too no one particular while I hastily power walked to the car before I died of embarrassment.

Once safely hidden inside the car, Chris and King had finally stopped laughing and we were now pulling out of the car park, “Where are we going?”, King asked from the back seat

“We going home, mommy and daddy need to have some sexy time”, Chris told him, once again causing a groan to escape my lips as I glared at my no filter having husband, “Whats sexy time, daddy?”, King asked as I shook my head

“It means cuddles and kisses on the cheek, cause that’s all his getting”, I told King as Chris looked over with a mug while I just chuckled, “Yea will see about that”, He muttered under his breath causing me to bite my lip to stop from smiling as I knew as well as he did, that he was right.


“Okay hurry we are going to be late”, I stressed as I helped the kids out of the car one by one while Chris stood around finishing his ice cream without a care in the world. There was 10 minutes until the game started and as promised we took the kids to get ice cream before the game.

Being the fussy and picky type that my children are, it took them almost half an hour for them all to decide on what flavour they wanted hence why we were running so late. Picking King up as I held onto Kendalls hand, Chris finished his ice cream and we began crossing the car park and towards the gym doors.

Our youngest twins were at home being watched by Mama J and Maria as they were way to young to be out here with all the noise and chaos.

Cy and Cash were a head of us, both with their hands in their pockets and their heads held high while sporting snapbacks and mini timberlands, “Its scary how much they are like you”, I muttered causing Chris to chuckle instantly as he knew exactly what I was talking about.

“At least they look like kids not to fuck with”, Chris shrugged with a proud face while I just playfully rolled my eyes before smiling down at my princess who was wearing Romeos team jumper in her size with ‘Team Rome’ on the back of it, her hair were in two long pigtails and pink jordans to complete her outfit.

The twins as well as King all wore mini versions of Romeos jersey, each with there own customized name on the back and Romeos number to finish it up. They all looked cute as hell and I couldn’t help but feel a little proud at my beautiful children.

“What ya cheesing at mama?”, Chris smirked as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder carefully so he would squish King in between us, “Nothing”, I chuckled as I watched Cy and Cash trying to opened the double doors to the gym only to huff with frowns when they couldn’t.

“You thinking about that dick down I gave you earlier huh?”, He mumbled in my ear causing my eyes to go wide as I looked down to make sure Kind hadn’t heard, which thankfully he didn’t as he was too busy looking at his brothers, “Just go help the boys open the door baby”, I sighed as I tried to hide my smile although he caught on causing him to wink before pushing the door opened for us.

As soon as we entered the court, Kendall stood closer and King hid his face in my neck both still uncomfortable with large unfamiliar crowds, the twins on the other hand embraced the chaos and looked around in excitement.

Looking over, Jesse, Ty, Mijo, Bow and Wiz all sat around in our regular seats laughing and making a ruckus like always and as soon as the twins spotted them, they took off down the court and over to where their uncles sat.

Following behind we by passed all the audience, stopping a few times to greet familiar parents and friends of ours before walking up a few stairs where the guys all stood up to greet us hello.

“Where the wives having girls night at?”, I asked knowing fully well that every game time the girls all got together and hung out as the guys all came and cheered Romeo on. In actual fact the girls were forbidden to come to the games, with the exception of Kendall and I. It was what they called boys night which started off with the game, than coming back to ours or going out.

They usually didn’t return back home home until Monday as they all seeked refuge at our place. I swear these niggas were attached at the hip no matter how many times they denied it.

“They all at Ty’s place and if we lucky they will stay there for a few days”, Mijo answered causing me to laugh as they all nodded their head in agreement.  I think out of all of us, Chris was the only one who couldn’t stand to be away from me too long while all these guys would give anything to have a few days off from their wives.

“Man speak for y’all selves. My wife aint bad like yours”, Wiz huffed as I grinned at him because he was more like Chris on this matter.

The guys waved him off just as the players all came jogging out of the locker rooms causing the crowds to start cheering, while Kendall and King snuggled closer trying to block out the noise.

“Look baby, Rome’s coming out. Don’t you want to cheer for your brother?”, I whispered to King as he nodded his head but stayed hidden just as Rome looked up as waved at us.

Like every game, Chris jogged down the stairs and dapped the coaches and players as he now became close with the team due to the amount of time both him and Rome spent at the gym practicing.

“Yo who that hoe that Rome cheesing at?”, Mijo yelled at causing my eyes to dart over at where they all focused their attention too, “I aint no he got a girl?”, Jesse said as he looked over at me with a raised eyebrow.

“He doesn’t? At least not that I know of”, I frowned as I looked over at the girl who was sitting on the second row bleacher and waving at him.

“That’s one of the girl Rome sneaks in at night”, Cash yelled while laughing before his eyes got wide and hid behind Ty’s arm, “What the hell!”, I muttered as all the guys erupted in laughter causing everyone to look over to see what happened while I sat there blushing.

“Cash come here”, I ordered causing him to let out a sigh as he dragged his feet while making his way over, “Romeo is sneaking girls in at night?”, I asked skeptically as I knew my twin boys always lied to get there siblings in trouble.

“I wasn’t suppose to tell you mommy, only daddy knows”, He whispered loudly causing me to frown as I let out a frustrated sigh, “Okay sweetie, go sit down”, I mumbled not knowing how I felt about my son sneaking girls in at night. My protective mother instincts began kicking in and it took a feel deep breaths to calm me down and not go down there and cuss both Chris and Rome out.

Jogging back up the stairs, Chris picked King up from my lap and sat him on his leg as he lent over and wrapped a arm around my waist, “Why were they laughing like hyenas?” He muttered in my ear just as the game began.

“Cash let slip that Rome is sneaking girls in at night. You knew about this?”, I accused causing him to sigh as he moved his arm from around my waist and rubbed down his face with his hand.

“The nigga is growing up Ki what you expect. I mean that’s what all kids his age been doing”, He tried to explain but I just rolled my eyes, “Chris our son is about to be signed to the NBA not only that but everyone and there mama no how much money we got, of course groupies are gonna be trying to trap him”, I stressed causing him to nod in agreement before looking over with a smirk.

“I love when your in protective mama mode”, He mumbled in my ear as I turned around and met his lips, “Stop trying to distract me”, I mutter on his causing him to chuckle.

“Ight, ight ill talk to him AGAIN about them groupie hoes”, He reasoned causing me to sigh in relief before leaning over and kissing him again.

“Can y’all stop sucking each others face off and watch your sons game”, Jesse huff causing everyone to laugh, “You’re a hater”, I chuckled as I stuck my tongue out at him.

The game was intense as hell, as always Romeo was playing amazing and there was 5 minutes left of the game, Romeos team was winning 98-88. For the first time during the game we had all been sitting down except for the kids who were currently cheering for their brother.

Rome currently had the ball and was dribbling down the caught just as one of the other team players came out and forcefully pushed him on the floor causing him trip and come crashing down. Immediately placing my hand over my mouth as I gasped, Chris instantly started cursing under his breath as he placed Kendall on my lap,

“Take it like a man you little bitch”, A guy from the other side of the bleachers where the other teams supporters sat, yelled as Romeo groaned while lying on the floor.

“Nigga fuck you talking to like that?”, Chris yelled instantly as he stood up  causing the boys to all stand up straight after him, mean mugs spread across their faces.

“How about you mind your business you stupid fucker!”, The man yelled again, this time the whole court had gone silent as they watched the scene play out.

Chris was now furious as he clenched his jaw, “Nigga Imma beat the fuck outta your reckless ass”, He spat out as he began to walk out of the aisle just as I grabbed his arm, “Chris don’t”, I muttered as I tried to hold him back while still holding Kendall and King who looked scared.

“Beat his ass daddy”, Cyson yelled out, “Yea daddy fuck him up”, Cash followed causing me to groan as everyone started laughing while Chris looked torn between keeping a straight face or laughing at his 6 year old thugs.

Thankfully the coach on the other team asked the man who I now realized was drunk as hell to leave although Chris was still determined to follow after him and beat him up.

“Mommy Im scared”, Kendall whispered as Jesse wrapped an arm around Chris shoulder and held him back mumbling lowly in his ear so he wouldn’t leave.

“Its okay sweety”, I whispered as I kissed the top of her hair, “Chris baby, come here. The kids are scared”, I mumbled as I realized King had clung to my side as he hid his face.

“Fucking pussy ass bitch. Got me fucked up”, Chris grumbled in a angry tone before making his way back up the steps while looking over his shoulder, “Yo Rome, you good bra?!”, He yelled at as I looked over at the court to see Romeo chuckling as he held his thumbs up while shaking his head.

Still mumbling incoherent things under his breath, Chris took a seat back beside me and picked Kendall off my lap and gave her a hug and kiss before settling her on his lap.

“People stay making daddy mad”, He explained to her as she giggled and wrapped her arms around his neck, “Don’t let them make you mad daddy”, She told him softly causing a small grin to form on his face, “You are your mamas twin”, He chuckled causing a massive smile to break out across her face while Cash and Cyson made their way over.

“What I tell you boys about cussing?”, I asked with a raised eyebrow causing Cyson to shrug, “Ninja shouldnt be talking reckless”,He mumbled as he came and stood in between my legs and rested his head on my shoulder.

“Yea, should have showed him who he was fucking with dad”, Cash said casually as he wrapped his arm around Kings shoulder and began explaining the game to him although he was making up bullshit.

Instead of getting the in trouble like a normal parent should, Chris and the guys fell into a fit of laughter as I just shook my head at my childrens dirty mouth that they had thanks to their dad and uncles.

“Im hungry mommy”, Cy whispered as he tried to climb on my lap but failed, “The game is just finishing, we can eat when we get home”, I sighed as I lifted him so he can sit on my leg. Cuddling him from behind, I could tell instantly that my poor baby was not only hungry but he was tired as well and judging by Kendalls eyes, she too was tired.

A few minutes later the buzzer went off indicating that the game was finished and we all got to our feet and we cheer and praised the winning team which was us of course.

Picking King up as I held onto Cyson’s hand, Chris held Kendall and wrapped his arm around Cash as we all made our way down the stairs with the guys following behind us.

In the middle the players were celebrating with the coaches and as soon as Rome spotted us he broke away from the crowd and jogged over with a massive grin.

“Killing it out there nigga”, Ty praised as he dapped him before moving down and dapping all the guys until he got to us.

“Im so proud of you sweetheart, you did amazing as always”, I grinned as I let go of Kings hand and embraced my eldest son in a tight hug, “I did alright, but thanks mom”, He grinned as he kissed my cheek before taking King from my arms and lifting him in the air causing King into a fit of laughter.

“You cheering on your big bro?”, He chuckled as King nodded his head, “Next you gonna be slamming dunks along side Kobe”, Chris chuckled as he dapped him and began messing with his hair.

“I could almost say the same to you, Mike Tyson”, Rome smirked while Chris just shrugged as he laughed, “Nigga had it coming”.

“Hell yea he did, ballsy little fuck he was”, Jesse agreed causing me to mentally roll my eyes as Cyson started to become restless as he stood next to me.

“You gonna go out Rome?”, I asked interrupting their banter about Chris and that drunk mans encounter, “Yea Im just gonna head home, shower and change then I got a party to hit up”, He advised as he began saying his goodbyes to everyone.

Giving him a hug I watched as he ran back over to the locker rooms before turning my attention to the guys, “What’s all y’all plans for tonight?”, I asked knowing fully well that their night has not ended yet.

“I got a bag of weed”, Wiz smirked, “I got the cards”, Mijo added., “I brought a shit load of Benjamin’s”, Ty nodded as Bow chuckled and dapped him. “Well I got bottle of henny,  a bed at y’all house and a free pass from going home, so it looks like we getting high as a motherfucking kite, betting some big bucks and who knows we might even end up at the strip club”, Jesse smirked with a shrug causing them all to nod with grins.

“Okayyyy, that’s my queue to get my kids outta here before you corrupt their minds even more. Okay kids, lets go home”, I ordered while ignoring the guy’s laughter.

“Ill see all you niggas back at me”, Chris chuckled as he picked Kendall and Cash over each shoulder while jogging out the court doors. Cy and King were to tired and hungry to care and stayed close beside me as I walked them to the car.

15 minutes later and 4 small kids buckled in their seats we finally pulled out and began the journey back to our house as the guys all trailed behind us in their own cars.

Checking my phone a quick text from Bella indicated that we would be having a girls day at my house with all the children and just the sound of it already made me exhausted as I thought about all the young kids running around here tomorrow.

Deciding not to tell Chris until the last minute so he couldn’t refuse or come up with a plan to avoid the madness, I replied a quick ‘Okay’ and slipped my phone back into my bag.

By the time we got home, King was knocked out and Cyson and Kendall were not to far behind. Setting the three awake children on their feet while Chris picked up King we made our way inside only to be greeted by the sound of baby cries as well as the guys loud mouths as they walked in from the front door.

Didnt suprise me though as the noise was a typical day at the Brown place.

Mama J and Mama Maria were sitting in the lounge room both cradling my youngest twins as they both cried their eyes out. Pouting at the sight, Chris handed a sleeping King to Mijo so he could put him to bed as I took Candice out of Mama J’s hands while Chris took Cameron.

“We gonna be in the man cave!”, Jesse yelled as him and the rest of the guys made a hasty exit from the chaos.

“We’ll go put the little ones to bed before I head out”, Mama J grinned just as Romeo came busting in the house and running up the stairs, “Hi Mama J, Hi Nana!”, He yelled over his shoulder just as he got out of view.

“I need to feed them before I put them to sleep”, I mumbled while rocking Candice who had settled down from her crying although I knew she needed a good feed.

“Ill whip them up something baby, Joyce you can head home, ive got this”, She smiled kindly as she gave Mama Joyce a kiss goodbye before shuffling the kids into the kitchen.

“Im going to go feed her, bring Cameron up to, he will need to be feed too”, I yawned as I thanked and kissed Mama J on the cheek and began my way up stairs with Chris following close behind.

Three hours later, I had fed, washed and changed the baby twins. As well as bathing Kendall, Cash and Cyson and dressing them for bed. If I didn’t get a award for super mom than I was gonna be pissed off.  Thankfully the only one still up was Cash who insisted on sleeping in bed with me tonight, as Chris would be staying up all night with the boys.

Chris had already showered and changed before giving me a long passionate kiss knowing I wouldn’t be seeing him for awhile due to the fact that when the guys got together they would hibernate in the man cave together.

Exhausted, I showered with my eyes practically closed and dressed so slow that it felt like it took me a good half an hour to just put on simple pajamas. Sluggishly making my way back into the main bedroom, I smile softly as the sight of Cash snuggled in the middle of the bed as he watched cartoons on the plasma hanging in front of the Cali King bed.

Turning the lights off, I used the light of the TV to guide me to my side of the bed and got in under the comfy silk sheets that at this moment felt so good. Cash immediately snuggled closer to my side, wrapping his arms around my body as he rested his head on my chest, “Goodnight mommy, I love you”, He whispered lowly causing me to grin as I kissed the top of his head, “I love you too my little prince”.

Reaching for the remote I switched the remote off before hugging my son just as I felt myself falling a sleep by the second, “Mommy?”, Cash whispered as he yawned.

“Yes baby?”, I mumbled lowly as I struggled to keep my eyes opened, “Im sorry for swearing today, I promise I wont do it anymore”, He mumbled in a sleepy tone causing me to open my eyes as they swelled with tears.

Squeezing my arms tighter around him to bring him closer,  I kissed his cheek one more time before closing my eyes with a smile on my face. It was just a normal, standard day in the Brown household house and as always it was as chaotic as a mad house but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

badassheda  asked:

(1) I call for a vote of no confidence against these l chat people. And vote for that council to happen. You are right, things do need to change drastically. The thought of jbag of dicks and his pals AS WELL AS elschlongidongidingdong and the blerghs celebrating our failure makes me sick. This cannot happen again. Why did we ever give these people so much importance? After last night it's crystal clear that they are the minority, the trend failed even though others (like me) helped as well.

(2) I am done playing nice with them or the trends, and I hope the people here and on twitter agree. We need to make an example of jasshole and his show and we are running out of time because there are only 5 episodes left, that’s 5 weeks. We cannot compromise anymore because we are compromising the movement. So you have my support because you are trustworthy and you know what you are talking about. Also, thank you for all the time and energy you’ve put into this which I hope you’ll continue to do because we need you. And elizajanesface and Clexa Brasil and you guys have been working with. Thank you.

Agreed. Here’s the thing. There’s now drama because I proposed they get 1 council member, but that wasn’t an irrational, petty decision. There is logic behind it and I’m going to explain it because I’m tired of hearing people talk nonsense to me. 

  1. I proposed an odd number because if we have an even number that is asking for ties and gives room for a lot of indecision. The current proposal is 3-3-3 but that is a recipe for disaster because every side will just stick together and we’ll get nothing done. 
  2. The more people you add to the council the more convoluted it gets. 7 feels like a perfect number. 
  3. Also, as the policy nerd that I am, I actually put thought into breaking this down. This proposal was based on how politics actually work. If I remember correctly, my country has a representative for every 250,000 citizens and here is how the body of the US House Of Representatives is broken down:

Each U.S. state is represented in the House in proportion to its population as measured in the census, but every state is entitled to at least one representative. The most populous state, California, currently has 53 representatives. On the other end of the spectrum, there are seven states with only one representative each (Alaska, Delaware, Montana, North Dakota, South Dakota, Vermont, and Wyoming). 

Tumblr has tens of thousands of people and so does Twitter. Why should they get the same number of council members as the other “states” when there’s maybe 300 of them? 500 if we’re exaggerating. It makes NO SENSE. They should never hold the same weight as the majority. This is how fair representation works. You get a number of council members based on your population. Simple. It’s not some petty move. It’s blatant logic. 

I say the first thing we do is put the numbers of council members up for a vote. Reblog to spread the word and then reply to this with your thoughts on whether you think 3-3-1 or 3-3-3 is a better idea. I’m tired of not giving people a voice. That’s how they work, but it’s not how we should. 

How i try to keep fit despite having ME/CFS & Fibromyalgia!

So i get asked a lot (and i mean AN AWFUL LOT) about how i try to keep fit and healthy despite being chronically ill. Now i say TRY, those are the most important words here. I am no nutrition/fitness expert, i just simply no what works for my body and what is best for me with the advice from Pain clinic teams, physiotherapists and neurologists.

The first thing i TRY (this is a running theme btw, i am trying not giving up, i may not have made any progress yet because i relapsed a little but i am still trying) to do is eat things that benefit my body. I cut out the things that literally do nothing to aid my fitness, health or energy levels. The things i cut out are carbs (except fiber) and sugars, which is a carb anyway so ALL CARBS (minus fiber) are evil for me. 

I don’t know why its like this for me, well its not just me.. a lot of people react badly to carbs. I always have done to be honest, even before i was ‘sick’. If i ate a sandwhich i always felt bloated and sluggish.. porridge always made me so lethargic despite how much i love it.. potatoes weighed me down a lot too. Sugar has always been a love hate for me, it effects me so much and i get really bad energy crashes even if i eat the smallest amount.

So.. what do i eat if i try to cut out carbs? Well i don’t cut them out completely.. i do eat veggies.. LOTS OF GREEN GOOD veggies.. i also eat berries! I do however stick to under 20g of carbs a day. This does give me some leeway to play around with what i eat.. I use Stevia as a sugar replacement and almond/coconut flour as a zero carb alternative so i can bake lots of goodies that make me not miss sugary treats.

I also give my body a lot of healthy fats so it has the energy to burn and stay functioning.. and the right amount of protein to give my muscles their strength and to power them back up after exercise. This way of eating is known as the Keto diet. Basically high fat, medium protein, low carbs. It works for me and MANY of my friends. I enjoy it, its fun and doesn’t feel like a diet when i eat Bacon & Eggs every morning.

Exercise is my weakest point of trying to stay healthy, i am very weak physically now and cannot do much. However, i do find certain classes at my gym really benefit me. The main one i love is Body Balance, it is a mix of Yoga, Pilates and Tai Chi, it is super relaxing, strengthening and has enough movement for me to break a sweat and burn some serious calories.. average is around 300-400 per hour long class. I also like a pure yoga class, this is more intense for me and is currently my upper limit but it pushes me and i need that little bit to keep me getting stronger.. i only do one yoga class a week and aim to do 2 body balance classes a week.

On top of these classes it has been recommended to me by my Physiotherapist that i start doing some small weights to build up strength in various muscles.. mainly my legs as my knees are constantly in pain. I do some leg lifts and various machines to strengthen them up. I also do short stints on a static bike to get a little bit of cardio in. I can usually last around 10 minutes on a bike before i feel like i may die. But it is all progress.

The most important part for me is staying healthy, by that i mean not contracting any additional illnesses, aka colds or flu or strep throat, meningitis (again) etc etc. I try to avoid going to multiple conventions in a row as i believe this is how it all started really. I don’t hang out with friends who are sick. I avoid the doctors surgery unless i really need to go in. I try to sanitise my hands a lot and generally just be wary of how im dressing and how certain things could make me sick.

Now, this is the tough part for me, i want to show you some BEFORE photos of my body. They are taken today, i am classing today, the 1st of October 2014 as my start date. Why? well because i have finally found an exercise and nutrition regime that works for me, i have lost 7 lbs before doing these things, my energy and happiness levels were super high and i generally was a lot more motivated for life and able to do things back in June. Since then i had massively relapsed after my trip to NYC and i have been working up my strength to get back into everything.

I know what i need to do, so hopefully showing you some before photos will encourage me to prove myself and not give up. Now before anyone else feels the need to chime in.. i know i am not overweight.. i know i am not 'fat’.. i simply know this is not naturally the way my body should be.. i all my life have been on the slim side of things.. up until i got sick i was a size 8.. all my life. I am now a size 12 and my body is just not working the way it should be. I simply just want to get back to my previous body as much as i can despite my illnesses. I know the inside will never be the same and i will always be sick, but if i can get back in shape and control my nutrition i can have a better way of life and feel happy about myself again. This is not for any of you, its not even for Martyn (he is actually very happy with my body right now), this is FOR ME. So i feel better, happier and proud of myself. Now without any further explanation here is what i am currently working with.

Front on.. feet together.

Left side.. feet together.

Right side.. feet together.

Back.. feet together.

Front on.. legs apart!

Back.. legs apart!

Left side.. Legs lunged!

Right side.. Legs lunged!

I am very lucky that compared to some struggling with similar health problems (hugs fellow spoonies) that i am in pretty good shape considering. This is simply because i was stupidly thin to start with.. too thin for my taste, putting on this weight has shown me that i do like some curves, i like that i finally have a womanly figure. However, im just too heavy for my frame right now and would like to lose around a stone. 

I currently weigh 10 stone 4 lbs. If i could get down to 9 stone 4lbs i would be VERY happy. A comfortable size 10 all round would be perfect. 

Thank you for reading this, i hope this has helped those of you struggling too or just simply given insight to those of you who wonder what i do to try and be healthier. Hopefully sometime soon i will be able to share some progress pics if you’re interested and we can celebrate my successes.

As always thank you for being you, for supporting me when i am at my lowest and for enjoying my happy times too. <3