it's been so surreal

5

봄날 / spring day - bts (lyrics)

9

2013 : The year that saw FC Bayern München conquer it all and beyond.

Ripple

Summary: Phil has a cheating boyfriend. Dan is a poet with a crush, facing an ultimatum.

Genre: University AU (poet!Dan)

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol, swearing, many elements of angst, implied smut, vague implication of abuse (only two lines)

Word Count: 33.6k

Fic Playlist (ordered chronologically to follow the storyline as it progresses)

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jean moreau + sunshine (no not jeremy knox, but the real sunshine) thank you petalloso for going along with this!!! 

  • the ravens are known to live underground for almost all their time in edgar allan so imagine the amount of sunshine they get to see: almost none
  • when jean starts his transition from a raven to a trojan, he’s almost baffled at the amount of sunshine streaming through his window in the morning
  • he wakes up to the warmth across his back and thinks he might be in heaven
  • but he glances over to the other side of the bright room and sees jeremy knox still fast asleep 
  • jean squints at the bright sun because its been years since he’s been outside and he feels so surreal that he can actually see the sun again
  • he never thought he’d see something shine even brighter than stadium lights
  • jean is so pale from living underground, and he grows fascinated when his skin starts to tan from being under the sun more often
  • freckles also start to form across his nose!! and jeremy loves that
  • there are also freckles across his back, and jeremy tries not to stare too long when jean changes in front of him
  • at first jean gets sunburns because his skin isn’t used to the intensity of the sun. and he gets confused, because sunburns!! are!! something he hasn’t attained in so many years
  • but it’s a good kind of burn even though it hurts, because it’s something that he attained from being somewhere he belongs, and not from riko pressing fire into his skin
  • jean loves the sun so much that he would just find a random grass patch and lie down and bask in the sun!!
  • when there are breaks in between classes? lie down on a grass patch
  • when there’s a day off? he’s probably lying somewhere outside soaking in sun
  • when he can’t concentrate on his homework in the dorms? he’s sitting outside doing his work instead
  • jeremy finds out that jean’s been going out to take in sun when he finds jean tanner than before so he follows him out one day, and he realizes jean doesn’t put sunscreen on???
  •  jeremy sees that soft, contented smile on jean despite getting burns, and he’s so glad jean enjoys the sun so much
  • but when jean starts wincing because of the burns during exy training, he talks jean into putting sunscreen
  • “its a good kind of burn, jeremy. i’ve been through worse.”
  • jeremy would wrinkle his brows in concern, and say “but you don’t have to go through that anymore.” 
  • jean softens almost immediately and agrees into putting on sunscreen before going out to nap on the grass patch
  • laila and alvarez sometimes join jean because they like the sun so much too
  • on jean’s birthday, the sunshine trio surprises him with a picnic!!! and then they just lie down on the mat and soak in the sun, enjoy each other’s presence, and jean would lie his head on jeremy’s lap because its his favourite person and weather
  • jeremy would look down and see the soft, happy smile playing on jean’s features, his eyes bright and glowing and his heart just melts at the sight of jean being so contented
  • alvarez is the one who takes a picture of them and sends it to jeremy afterwards
  • jeremy sets it as his wallpaper
youtube

Madness– The Sun & The Rain

Have you ever thought about how, if it wasn’t for the writers getting a lot of backlash for Lexa’s and Lincoln’s deaths, Jasper would be dead now as well? How they wrote his suicide to be as graphic as possible, how Devon had to actually shoot the scene, had to actually blow Jasper’s brains out in front of that rover at the end of S3? On Twitter in a Q&A he said that the very last scene of S3 was extremely emotionally draining, that even preparing for it exhausted him. Chris said that Jasper’s suicide has made him feel “sick” and “unable to have dinner”. Which should tell us enough about how graphic the death scene really was. A scene that actually exists and got cut because of a last-minute decision.

Have you ever thought about how it would’ve changed the entire atmosphere and feeling of the finale?

The original scene, original storyline, leads to Jasper killing himself right after he smiles to himself.

He’s smiling because he knows he’s gonna die. He knows he’s gonna end his life and it brings him joy. That’s the original intention of his relieved smile.

And, originally, Monty’s words were empty to him.

“We will get through this together. We will be happy again. I promise.”

It didn’t mean shit to Jasper. He was so depressed, so broken, felt so alone and detached, not even Monty could reach him.

He got up and hugged Monty. Very well knowing it’d be the last time.

Jasper tells Monty he’s sorry. Sorry for leaving him behind, sorry for what he’s about to do.

The moment they break the hug he puts on his usual light-hearted, dorky personality like a mask and, as everyone would expect from Jasper Jordan, makes a joke about alcoholic beverages. All with his suicide in mind.

Making sure he’s alone so he can “finally” leave the world that isn’t survivable from what he’s seen.

And then, when he heard Monty, Raven and Harper laugh in the other room, he smiled and shot himself in the head. Just like that. Blood splattering onto the rover behind him, the lifeless body of a 15-year-old boy dropping to the ground. Monty, Raven and Harper in complete shock, having heard the gunshot, staring at each other before Monty darts out of the room. And then he sees Jasper.

After losing his dad and having to kill his mum, what do you think Jasper’s suicide did to Monty in the original script? He would’ve forever felt guilty for not following his friend outside. For apparently not having found the “right words” before he hugged him. Monty would’ve been destroyed forever. And Raven would’ve felt just as bad. Losing the friend who saved her life, who shared her pain, understood and supported her. And she couldn’t do anything to save his life in return.

“We will get through this together” would’ve never come true.

“We will be happy again” would’ve been some of the last words Jasper heard before ending his life.

That would’ve been the end of his arc, the end of the boy who, against all odds, kept surviving and loving and fighting.

How fucking pointless.

This is it. This night killed me.

I’m still shaking so I apologize if things don’t make sense… And of course most of these things happened while I wasn’t filming so you’ll have to take my word for it.

So my dad and I had front row seats for section AA, I stood there wrapped in my rainbow flag the whole time. Before they started singing Clouds Louis came to our side and I held up my ‘my dad is Louis af’ sign and pointed to my dad. Louis pointed at us and gave us a thumbs-up.

After that everything’s a bit of a blur. Liam saw the ’you make this feel like home’ sign during Fireproof, pointed and smiled. (got that on video)

When Harry saw my 'It’s my 22nd birthday’ sign he said happy birthday (I think my dad recorded that but I haven’t had time to go through all my videos yet). Liam saw it later and said happy birthday too.

My dad’s sign said 'Thank you for helping my daughter come out’ (I wrote that but he came up with the idea and coloured it himself) and he tried to get a reaction from Harry for the longest time and we could tell he’d seen it but he didn’t react during the songs but before DFWYB (I think) he took his time to read it (and I had my home sign up as well then) and my dad saw and pulled me in to give me a kiss to the top of my head and Harry touched his chest and blew us a kiss.

My dad really wanted to give Harry a rainbow heart so he threw his on stage and Harry didn’t catch it but he made sure to let my dad know he saw and after WDBHG he picked it up, put it into his pocket and pointed at us.

THEN before (I think) DMD I saw Harry talking to someone for quite a long time and I just took my flag off so I could wave it for the last part where the boys run off stage. During DMD a guy came over to us and looked a bit confused but when I took my flag out to wave he did a double take and asked if he could get a picture of me and my dad (he didn’t have a professional camera though). After the show I asked one of the security guys if he’d seen that and knew who he was and he said he’s with the band. Make of that what you will.

When the boys left the stage after DMD I waved my rainbow flag and Harry pointed right at me while he ran out.

If anyone thinks they caught any of these moments on camera pleeeease let me know, that would mean a lot.

This was all about the boys now, I’m gonna do a RD related report tomorrow.
(the hotel wifi won’t let me add pictures here so they’re coming tomorrow as well)

just when i thought Evan couldnt top his performances in GOODBYE and Bridge to Nowhere, my all time favorite habit moments, this update hits.

two thousand three hundred ninety-five

i dont think ive ever been more frightened by habit than i have here. once a character has been established to act a certain way, as with habit and his ‘silly evil’ nature, when that mold is broken its unsettling. its disturbing.

through voice alone evan was able to portray a side of habit thats even more terrifying than i could have imagined

another thing too: vin. god vinnie’s acting was also so amazing. our normally soft spoken and calm individual now at his wits end and so beautifully was his descent executed.

his and evan’s combined efforts in this video are astounding…and maybe it could be just the fact that its been forever since the last update but like, its also so fucking surreal. so odd to hear these two again, especially acting off kilter than normal

im loving every second of it too

i am literally crying like tomorrow is the last day. the last day of post-richenbach feels, fics, artwork, etc. after tomorrow there’ll be no more theories of how sherlock survived the fall, and no more series 3 speculation, and no more jokes about how john better punch sherlock during the reunion. after tomorrow we’ll know, and it’s kinda bittersweet. so let me tell you guys a thing; it had been an honor going crazy with you  

This is belated, but....

As you may know, I’ve been moving and been sick (just a nasty cold) so I was offline much of the weekend, and I hadn’t learned of Adri’s passing until today.

Adri was a huge part of this fandom, and although we never talked offline, she and I had shared plenty of fangirling on our blogs; the degree to which I respected her cant be expressed. She had incredible strength of conviction and was always more than willing to debate with me or explore a theory. She was kind, encouraging, and whip smart.

She and I had been blogging for similar lengths of time and and its so surreal that she’s gone so quickly; just last week we were so excited that our show was back. Her presence on my dash will be overwhelmingly missed.

She was one of those people whose strong opinions didn’t turn her bitter; she loved this show fiercely in spite of her grievances with it. I really admire that and always will.

I actually woke up this morning and expected her to have commented on my post about last nights episode; I could always count on her sass and her honesty and her love for cs and Emma.
She would’ve loved watching our girl yell at Regina, let’s be real.

Not to get cheesy, but I want to take a moment to acknowledge the ripple effect we all have on people. Tumblr connects so many people from around the world—people who would otherwise have no opportunity to meet—and bonds them together. Adri had a profound effect on many of us, some of whom have never even spoken to her directly, and it is beautiful, despite it coming at such a high cost.

She was a wonderful light snuffed out far too soon, and I will sorely miss her.