i’m p sure that my professors don’t initially respect me bc i’m sure i’m seen as ridiculous bc of my hair/clothes; but i think that once i participate in class and they read my papers, their attitude toward me changes. sometimes i feel really awkward about my appearance, esp in school, bc i can feel ppl judging me bc i really stand out. i look like an alien compared to anyone i’ve seen on campus. honestly i wish i could choose to look this way without being noticed. i actually don’t like being stared at in school bc it makes me uneasy, but i’m too attached to my appearance being an essential part of my identity and necessary to my well-being despite the discomfort it can bring sometimes. but i worry that it may affect my grades, and i can’t voice that worry without the immediate response being ‘just don’t look that way then.’ it’s not that easy though. i think of how empty i feel now, and how much more desolate i’d be without the ability to express myself in the way that is most natural and crucial to me. and that possibility is painful to imagine. obv when i work as a resident/doctor i’ll clean my look up when i’m on the clock, but it seems unnecessary to change myself forever esp as i’m only in junior college. i also don’t want to be reduced, embarrassed, and invalidated by my professors, so i push to prove myself constantly. honestly, i’ve already won awards and had success at my school (b4 i had to take a yearlong medical leave) despite choosing to look the way I do. idk i’m just thinking too much and letting my nerves give way to self-doubt and i’m just defeating myself.
if anybody here chooses an unusual fashion and wears it to work/school, please tell me about your experiences; are you received well or poorly? how do you respond to criticism of your appearance? do you ever feel like you should change yourself because of it?
He hung up, and saw Sydney already off her stool and clutching her own red coat, waiting. He couldn’t help but think she had the same expression as Dol, expectant, hopeful. “No, Sydney,” he said. “I need you to say here.” “Why?” she asked. “Because you don’t think I’m a bad person,” he said. “And I don’t want to prove you wrong.”