it's been awhile since i've been open with my feelings on here

anonymous asked:

i'm so tired of jikook fics where it's badboy!jungkook and shy!jimin. give me shy jungkook and his tiny, badboy, bf jimin!! I want a fic with jimin who always walks jungkook to class, with his arm around his waist!! and glares at anyone who looks at jungkook the wrong way!!!! when will it happen!!

FINALLY SOMEONE SAID IT!!! I’m sorry, I just feel so strongly about this. As you probably know, I check the jikook tag on ao3 every day to see if there’s anything I want to read. Normally though, the tropes are not the ones I’m interested in. Just recently, there’s been a sudden peak in badboy kook and nerd or cheerleader jimin, and as expected they’re all bottom jimin of course. Most of the time, I can ignore those since I don’t like them, but the fact that Jungkook is portrayed as this scary delinquent who can beat up everyone and is an asshole to everyone is the reason why I’m so tired of this particular role. Jimin, on the other hand, is portrayed as an innocent shy angel who could do nothing wrong and is so beautiful that Jungkook just suddenly changes his ways. Jungkook is put into the bad boy role and Jimin is put into the shy role usually because it’s easier for them to fit into the top/bottom mold that’s so prevalent in the fandom. I wouldn’t be as annoyed if bad boy Jungkook turned out to be the bottom because it’s going against the stereotypical personalities of the bottom’s character. It’s the perpetuated top/bottom characteristics that get to me. I sound salty, because I am salty. So please excuse the bitterness and sarcasm. I’m not hating on the authors at all, but I’m just expressing what I think. 

What I don’t understand is why there aren’t more bad boy Jimin fics where Jungkook is the easily flustered one. Why can’t Jungkook be a cheerleader, or the nerd, or the sweetheart? Is he just barred from that role or something? He doesn’t have to be the bulky jock that is a jerk you know.There’s so much potential in the role reversal and I’m kind of disappointed that there are barely any fics for that (the ones I do find are buried underneath the top kook tropes). Jungkook can be a total sweetheart and he gets shy really easily, especially if it’s Jimin that teases him. This could totally be written into the badboy trope we love so much! 

Imagine Jimin, who is normally not that interested in school, suddenly coming because he noticed the quiet boy in the back of the class that occasionally reveals his bunny smile. His first thought is “he’s cute” and he later learns that the boy’s name is Jeon Jungkook. He then takes the initiative to sit beside Jungkook in the classes they have together and tries to talk to him. Jungkook is obviously very shy and he gets a bit awkward with first conversations, but it’s okay, Jimin can open him up (not that way, I just know some of you will think this). After awhile, Jungkook gets more comfortable with him and Jimin has the pleasure of witnessing that gorgeous smile (”You sure you’re not an angel, Jungkookie?” “H-hyung! Stop, you’re embarrassing me…”). But Jimin is not the only that knows Jungkook is painfully shy. Jimin’s old friends notice how he’s hanging around Jungkook. Jimin was their leader of sorts (not exactly a gang, just a group of bad boys that Jimin didn’t actually like that much) and now he’s playing nice with this pretty boy he found. They corner Jungkook after school, taunting him, and pushing him around. “What’s so good about you anyways? You’re just a weak, little pansy. It is because you’re fun to mess with? I didn’t know Jimin was into the whole school-boy concept.” Jungkook would start to cry and they mock him even more, pulling on his hair. Jimin happens to catch them and he’s furious. He pulls Jungkook behind him before beating the crap out of his old “friends” before Jungkook tugs on his arm and stops him before he gets kicked out of school. Nobody dares touch Jungkook after that, but Jimin is still wary and he walks Kookie to class every day, an protective arm always curled around his waist. If someone even looks at Jungkook for a second too long, Jimin will glare. No one can hurt Jungkook if he’s there. It goes without saying, that they’re the new couple and Jimin is so obviously smitten that people who knew Jimin as the school’s bad boy, look at him weirdly. He doesn’t mind though, since Jungkook is laughing happily beside him and giving him shy kisses on the cheek. SOMEONE PLEASE WRITE THIS!!!!

Wow, I totally went overboard, but here! Also, anonnie, have you noticed how there’s suddenly been a flood of these fics (and top kook fics) after Jimin called Jungkook his “baby”? Are people really that against the idea of Jungkook being taken care of by Jimin or Jimin babying Kookie instead of the other way around? My saltiness is revealing itself again…but I couldn’t hold it in.

I had a really bad panic attack today leaving work, something I haven’t experienced in months. One of those tight chest, brink of tears kind of feelings that hits out of nowhere and feels completely crippling. I still feel really out of sorts and sad and I don’t like it. One of the things that triggered this bout is now resolved but I’ve still got this dark feeling in my chest that I just can’t shake. 

We sublet our office at the moment and one of the guys who works for the other company asked me today if I ever woke up dreading work so much that I would rather die than come in that morning. I may be underpaid, work ridiculously long hours and have no social life but I never don’t want to go to work. I felt really sad for him. He’s barely out of college and already hates his job so much he said he’d rather be an inanimate object than be there. That’s not a life.

I worry a lot about the state of my life (as it’s a weird complicated place where work and myself bleed into one another and I feel very stunted in some places, left out in others, and feeling more and more reclusive every day) but at least I’m not as sad as he is. I don’t think I could handle feeling like that.

Everything is okay. Everything is stressful, hectic, crazy, lonely, loved, under appreciated, overwhelming, smothered, exciting, and nervewracking.  But okay.

10.14 Coda:

ao3 Link


“Well,” Dean says, pushing away from the table. “I think I’m going to go sleep for four days now.”

“Sounds about right,” Sam replies, a pained smile on his face.

Cas watches, eyes squinting as Dean walks in his direction. He is standing in the doorway that leads down the hall and moves over slightly to allow Dean to pass. A heavy hand lands on his shoulder and he turns his head to look at Dean.

Dean catches his eyes briefly before moving past, hand landing again. “You coming?” he whispers, one last pat accentuating the question.

Cas gives a small nod before Dean walks away. He plans on joining him soon, but wants to talk to Sam first. He hears a door click shut before he calls out to Sam. “How is he?”

“Sam?” He asks again when he gets no response.

“He’s in trouble, Cas,” Sam finally replies, hands curled into fists in front of him.

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