it's been a while since i've read the books so bare with me here

I can't forget you
  • Aries: When I had no friends and you didn't either, we had lunch together every day, even though we usually had nothing to eat. You were the most eccentric and I was the most stylish. We were such a good team. You'd talk about all the things you hated, it was oddly charming. But you'd also talk about the books you loved or the new pet your family just took in. I miss our moments of silence and I hope you're doing well.
  • Taurus: Every night that we work together is a good one. You're usually singing or making up words that I giggle about. I wonder how someone can be as charismatic as you. You tell me about all the little things going on in your life, like the story you heard on the radio, and how you're now two months sober, or the new boy you like & the way his teeth look when he smiles. I like listening to you. Never believe that I don't.
  • Gemini: We sat in our aunt's living room at 2AM in the dark while you tried to find the Charlie Brown Christmas movie online because it's always been your favorite. And we just began talking about logic vs reality, and our paranormal experiences. Of course you had to contradict anything I said. There's never a dull conversation with you. And there never will be.
  • Cancer: We've had so many moments together. I remember all the times you came up to me with tears running down your cheeks while you silently reached out for me, because of the boys you still keep handwritten poems and notes about. I've watched you change and evolve, and at this point I think you're wiser than me. You always said you'd give up, but you still haven't.
  • Leo: Your house was the best place. We'd tell one another scary stories and dare each other to do things only 9 year olds would call wild. We tried to sleep on the trampoline but falling asleep was never an option around you, and we'd always ended up in your sister's room. I believed everything you told me, I bet people still do. You live somewhere in Texas now, but your imprint is still here.
  • Virgo: I always saw right through your made up stories, I didn't have to tell you, because you knew I did. We'd lie on my bed and find stupid videos to laugh about, I swear we never stopped talking about some of them. And when I told you I loved him, you didn't believe me. When you told me you loved me, I said "I'm sorry." We haven't talked much since, but I still have your bracelet.
  • Libra: My mom always said I reminded her of you. You and I would share silent looks of understanding when we were sober and take lots of drunk pictures when we weren't. And believe me, I knew you were hurting when you stayed in your room the whole day. But when you speak, I think the whole world would want to hear you, because I know you have so much to tell.
  • Scorpio: I remember you falling asleep on the hard wood floor and saying you didn't like pillows, and wherever we were you were usually dancing or telling us your observations of other people. You had to figure things out on your own, but you never failed to ask. I most of all just miss your presence. I wonder if you still like sleeping without a pillow.
  • Sagittarius: Your laugh was distinct and you were always laughing even when you were grumpy and pulling that classic pouty face. We sat by the campfire, unimpressed because our kit-kats didn't snap. And when we were 15, you sang along with me because we were the only ones who knew that one song. You were one of the only classmates I felt complacent with.
  • Capricorn: All the road trips were the best, I love you most when we're in the car. It's been that way since we were kids. It usually consisted of obscure thoughts that turned into inside jokes we couldn't stop laughing about. Or the time you drove me home and we talked about our first real loves, and how we'll never quite get over them. And in that moment, I knew we could read each others minds.
  • Aquarius: You called me one afternoon, I could barely make out what you were saying under all the sobbing. I sat in my empty bathtub as you talked to me about your dad, and you just kept talking even though half of it sounded like gibberish, I just kept listening. That could've gone on for days and I would've stayed right there on the cold porcelain. I don't think I could ever let myself let you down.
  • Pisces: The August night we swam for hours and talked about God knows what, that was one of the best moments of my life. Then we sat on the hotel floor in our bathing suits and laughed way too hard and way too loud because everything we did was so funny, but to only us. I think by the end of that trip I knew you were one of my favorite people, and that would never change. I will always protect you, I will always be there to laugh with over absolutely nothing.

A/N: Oh boy. What do you say to a bunch of people who relentlessly show you kindness, and loveliness, and preciousness? I love you all so much for it and you are a bunch of some of the nicest people. Sadly, this story I feel is winding down, and so this will most likely be the penultimate chapter…
On with the story 

Whatever Floats Your Boat

CS Bookshop AU

Part 1: Clichés // FF
Part 2: Romantics
Part 3: Biographies
Part 4: Children’s Literature
Part 5: Imagery
Part 6: Travel Guides

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Part 5: Imagery

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Emma would like to have been able to say that she waited up all night, in part waiting for him, in part thinking of him. She’d like to be able to say that the thought of leaving work early to chase him to the airport was something that had crossed her mind, telling him she’d quit her job and follow him. Nor could she say that she had been overwhelmed with the need to call him up for yet another tearful goodbye. She could not imagine herself in any of those scenarios. It never occurred to her that she could pull out the romantic comedy stops; fight through wind and traffic to beat him to the gate - none of that happened.

Truth is she crashed.

There were seven books in the little brown paper pile Killian had left her, seven books which she had lain out across her bed, observing each of them with varying degrees of recognition. There was a book of Hellenistic philosophy that she didn’t remember at all, and the mere fact that there were still so many things she didn’t know about him (daft, irrelevant or significant), so many missed opportunities, and so many unsaid things destroyed her.

(Bit by aching bit.)

Her fears and her determination to be safer from the world in general had cost them so much time, and she began to hate herself for it. The regret plain and simply made her feel sick, a feeling which only encouraged the tears, torn between believing in the defence of her walls and loathing the distance it put between them, her and everyone.

All of it exacerbated by the simple physical distance between her and him now.

And so she had crashed.

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When did Romance become so dominant? Amatonormativity and Fandom

First of all I will preface this with two things: 

1) I am asexual and aromantic and it is AWESOME and if you’re ace or aro or both you are awesome and your feelings are valid.

 2) I love love LOVE fandom and will defend it to the ends of the earth.

HOWEVER. I am here to tell you about a harmful idea called amatonormativity, and explain why it’s important in the context of fandom as well as real life. (thesis statement ftw) 

For those of you who don’t know, amatonormativity is basically the idea that having or desiring a close, exclusive, romantic relationship is the default, normal setting for EVERYONE. It’s problematic because it invalidates a whole slew of people who may not desire such a relationship, including but not limited to aromantic people, celibate people, or single people who are just fine with being single for whatever reason they might have. It can be really hard to explain to people why we might not desire a relationship, because it’s so prevalent all over media to have all the main characters couple up at the end, or use romantic love as a fix-all to a character’s problems, etc.

(more under the cut)

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anonymous asked:

gdi i've been reading thru ur blog for about two hours now. tumblr's embracing of transgenderism (i.e. transsexuals are literally everywhere; thinking the secong a boy makes a selfie in a dress they are suddenly a girl and nobody should question that) is rubbing me the really wrong way. yet i persist in trying to accept it (i blame myself a little for not being able to automatically do so). radfem hard-hitting questions are making me rethink this, but... 'equality', y'feel me? it's difficult.

I know it’s hard, especially since it’s becoming so popular but I’ll try to give you my thoughts. First of all, the aim of feminism isn’t exactly that simple. It’s liberation for women, and you need to thoroughly understand the consequences that embracing concepts like transgenderism have. Less women only spaces (aka. washrooms, changing rooms, etc. that will permit men into them bc now ‘women with penises’ is a thing apparently and srs isn’t even something men have to think of doing to be considered a woman), less to no ability to be vocal about women-only issues like abortion, periods, pregnancy, contraception because as you’ve probably seen, now it’s ‘exclusionary’ to speak freely about women’s issues and call them women’s issues. 
Here are instances of men abusing/raping women in washrooms and claiming protection with laws protecting gender identity.

Our voices are being silenced, our experiences dismissed for the comfort of men who think they are women because they experience dysphoria, or now just men who ‘feel’ like femininity suits them better than masculinity. But here’s the thing. Women aren’t naturally made to completely embrace femininity. It is pain, and pain that allows men to keep their oppressor status, and subdue us. Femininity entails our submission, our sensitivity and emotional support constantly- which is why women accept transgenderism because we have been taught to always be so completely considerate and put other people’s feelings and needs before our own. We are ‘naturally’ supposed to be caring, empathetic, not too loud, allowing people to take advantage of us. 

People who support trans theory are being emotionally manipulated by men who are used to getting what they want, because that’s what masculinity teaches males - entitlement. The physical consequences of femininity are ghastly as well, like, you see how excruciating it is to spend days in high heels, but women keep doing it. They physically rip out their hair, hair that has grown naturally, in order to seem ‘clean’ or ‘groomed’, ‘soft’ and ‘smooth’, all these ideas go back to looking younger, more like children than grown women on the same level as their male counterparts. Easier to control. Why is masculinity associated with hair when women grow hair in almost all the same places? Our moustaches, beards, nipple hair, armpit hair, chest hair, it’s all natural. Why do we go through so much pain to rip it all out? Who says we are any less of women if we have all that hair and want to live comfortably with it? Men are just as capable of growing their hair out long, so why is it ‘unmanly’ of them to do so? Trans theory supports femininity and masculinity, by saying to “be” a  man or woman you have to fit into a certain set of ideals/stereotypes based on masculinity or femininity. 

There is a bigger picture. By grooming girls and boys from the time they are born, teaching girls to play with dolls, boys with warships and cars, they show them that there is a difference growing up male and female. That to be a boy you have to like only certain things and stifle yourself emotionally. To be a girl you have to cater to other people’s feelings, and you have to let the boys run things. How do you think it looks to a child to see only men at the top positions, running the world of tech, science, physics? We learn by observation and a girl looking at it would see no place for herself. Women have been shut out of these fields, STEM. Their achievements whispered while men’s printed in the history books. Women have been victims to the abuse and violence of men for centuries, because masculinity is seen as a valuable trait. To run the family, to provide for it, to take care of their wives and children. But women have their rights to vote, to get jobs, to education in a lot of the world now, however they are still being abused, and not seen as equals. 

The image of a woman in media is one of sexual availability, the purpose is to provide appeal to the male gaze. You can call it empowering that she’s barely clothed, that her positions are unnatural and sexual, almost always. But it doesn’t change the fact that, ultimately, doing that, you’re making it easier to justify this sexualization and hence degradation of her. Men have only seen this image, that and the nurturing, emotional, sensitive image of women. They are not aware of what it’s like to live as her. The constant fear, rejection because she’s a woman, the degradation because she’s a woman, the entitlement to her body because she’s a woman, the constant desire to perfect herself superficially, embedded into her from the time she was a child, because she is a woman. They will never understand the mental, social, and emotional experience of living from birth as a woman. It’s not a question, it’s a fact.

When men say they ‘feel’ like a woman, we need to ask ourselves, what does that mean? What do they mean when they say they ‘feel’ like a woman. This is the most important, of all the questions. What do men believe women feel like? Emotional? Nurturing? A desire to adhere to femininity- that is, wear makeup that ruins our skin, get treatments to ‘fix’ our bodies- breast implants, liposuction, ass implants, botox, wear hair extensions, get our nails done, is that what being a woman is? Dressing up? Shopping? Looking pretty for men? The libfems would say ‘we look good for ourselves’, but where did the ‘good’ version of yourself come from? The poreless, hairless, flawless, airbrushed, perfectly curvy self that women learn to aspire toward, young girls fret about their weight, get eating disorders, for this ideal. Where did it come from? Do you think it is innate and we were born to do it?

When I think of ‘feeling like a woman’, I think of fear. Fear of men, most of all. Fear of inadequacy, because I can try as hard as I want, my voice will always come second to a man. I think of anger, because of how much we fight, everyday, for our rights to exist, as however we want, we are still picked apart told we are ‘equal’, told we are less simultaneously, told we are here for other people’s use. To be mothers, to be child bearers, to be small and smaller until we take up as little space as possible to make everyone else comfortable. Why are loud women a hilarious stereotype? Because we’re not meant to make too much noise, to be ‘vulgar’. Why is being loud, opinionated & confident traits that are negative with regards to women but not men? Because of the system of inequality we exist in right now.

I refuse to accept men calling themselves women because they ‘feel’ like it. They will never know what it feels like. They will never understand our experiences, our burden, and our lives. And their entire concept is based on stereotypes that are the cause of our pain throughout our lives. We are not femininity. We are not long hair, tight dresses, high heels. We are not by default mothers, or delicate, or soft, or submissive. I am not ‘genderqueer’ or ‘genderfluid’ or ‘nonbinary’ because I reject femininity. I am a woman. A woman is a female, and everyone who is female, is a woman. If she has a moustache, if she refuses to wax her legs, if she doesn’t want children, if she cannot have children, if she menstruates, or even if she cannot. She is a woman. 

When we abolish the system of gender, when we are no longer confined to our stereotypes based on masculinity and femininity, then we will be ‘equal’. Then men who wear dresses, who want to wear makeup, who are sensitive and emotional will not be ‘women’. They will just be men, existing the way they want. Women will not have to give up their spaces, their time, their experiences to comfort men. 

The Constellation Game

            Summary: I PROMISED FLUFF, AND HERE IT IS. :’) Seriously, this is Marcus taking Abby on a stargazing date post-S3. Featuring - Kabby cuddling, Kabby looking at the stars, Kabby being happy, in general. 

           I really needed to write that after last night’s episode.

          The rover slowed to a stop, arrived at its destination in the middle of a large, open field, and Abby Griffin stepped out into the cooling night air.

           “It’s not so bad, once you get used to it,” Marcus reassured her, seeing the look of relief on her face once her feet hit solid ground. “The more you ride in them, the easier it’ll be.”

           “I’ll take your word for it,” she retorted playfully, helping him retrieve several blankets, a book, and a flashlight from the back of the car. “If I had my way, I’d walk everywhere.”

           He shot her a bemused look, but didn’t offer further comment. A discussion, she figured, was being reserved for another time. For now, they had more pressing matters on their minds.

She helped him lay the blanket on the damp grass, shivering involuntarily in the cold. She was grateful they’d had the foresight to bring a second blanket with which to cover up – the weather was starting to get cold when the sun went down, but they hadn’t had a clear night in weeks. If they didn’t take this opportunity now, she knew Marcus was afraid they wouldn’t have it again.

           Between his guard shifts, his duties as Chancellor, and her myriad of responsibilities in Medical, there was a ring of truth to his fears. Tonight was the first night they’d both had free, and if the worst they experienced was a chill in the air, she’d take it. They both would.

           So they lay down on the fleece-covered grass, moving to lift the second blanket over their shoulders as Marcus pulled out the book of constellations he’d been poring over for the past several weeks.

           Every time she visited him while he was on guard duty, he’d had the book in his hands and a smile on his face. There was something about the stars that captivated him, ensnared his imagination and filled him with a youthful joy. She didn’t have the natural curiosity about them that he did, but if he was excited about it, so was she.

          But finding a time to wander outside together had proved more difficult than they’d thought, and it was that sentiment that he expressed as they finally sat under the glistening lights together.

         “I didn’t think we’d be able to do this,” he said. “Well, not before the snow fell at least.”

         “I guess you could say the stars aligned,” she responded with a joking smirk, and he chuckled. They locked gazes, twin smiles gracing their lips in the dim moonlight.

         “You could say that, yes.”

         He wrapped an arm around her, drawing her to him, and she sighed as she collided into his warmth. He practically radiated heat. She loved being close to him under normal circumstances, and that desire was only magnified by the cooling temperature.

         “You’re freezing!” he observed, and she responded by snuggling further into his chest as she wrapped an arm across him.

         “Not anymore,” she said sternly, suddenly worried he’d call off their stargazing because he thought she was uncomfortable. Nothing could have been farther from the truth, not now: not with a blanket over her shoulders and him giving off heat like a furnace. Thankfully, he didn’t protest.

         “What did you want to show me?” she asked. “I assume there’s something specific you’ve been looking at up there for a month.”

          She turned her head to look at him, and he nodded as he clicked on the flashlight he’d shoved in his pocket before they’d left.

          “This book…it’s fantastic. It has so many constellations, and it gives the history behind each one. They all have a history, a reason for existence. It’s fascinating, Abby.” She didn’t have to look at him to know he was grinning, and his good humor was contagious. No matter how long a day it had been in Medical or otherwise, a happy Marcus was always enough to take her mood up a few notches.

          “Have you found them all?” she eyed the book suspiciously, noting the quantity of pages and trying to compute the hours of guard duty it would take to find the patterns listed on each one. Unlikely, but not impossible. Or so she thought.

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