Who could ever love me?
Summary - You’re never born hating yourself. You are taught to despise yourself by others and its something that follows you as you grow older. So the moment the man you’ve fallen in love with tells you he feels the same way you don’t believe him because how could anyone love you?
Is he able to change your mind?
Words - 2,250
Pairing - Bucky X Reader
Warnings - Angst at the start, a somewhat fluffy ending (what is fluff? I sure as hell don’t know mwhaha) Self-hate and childhood bullying.
A/N - Okay so every example given in this fic is something that I have experienced first hand. I ended up writing this at 3am when I couldn’t sleep and I felt like shit so here you go hahaha. Leave my stupid face some feedback, I love hearing from you all.
Self-hate has always been a fickle thing with you. Berating yourself until your eyes are burning and your cheeks are rubbed raw from the constant wiping. Refusing to look at your reflection no matter what because the second your eyes fall on your face the world is torn from beneath your feet with whispered jokes and harsh giggles from every direction. Sobbing in changing rooms with armfuls of clothes – none of which look remotely attractive on you – trying so hard to hold yourself together because your friends are waiting outside for you.
Self-hate is never something that you’re born with, it’s something imprinted on your flesh like a brand on cattle. Its burned into the deepest parts of your mind whilst you’re growing up. Starting with the way that your class mates purposely exclude you from group games at playtime. Or the way that you were always last to be picked for a team game because no one wants you. It starts when people whisper barley audible jokes about the way you look when you walk past them in the hall, or on the street.
It carries on was you get older and move through the years, with the way that groups of teenage boys dare their friends to ask you out as a joke and laugh when you think there serious, they laugh at the hopeful glee which fills your eyes because someone likes you right? It continues when you sit and eat you lunch alone because no one wants to associate themselves with you, or been seen near you for that matter.