Elliot broke my heart this episode, he had a shit birthday. He is extremely lonely without Robot. And when he actually recalled a happy moment from his childhood, of course it was on the same day that his dad pushed him out the window.
Can he just have a good day, for once its all I ask.
There’s like a project going on I saw on twitter to get the “old Jackson” back
And I just feel its unnecessary. Jackson didn’t leave. He’s still the same. I know people say he looks more sad lately and stuff but honestly we don’t know what is going on in his head. Jackson sometimes has a resting bitch face. Sometimes he’s in a daze. We don’t know.
We have to support and love Jackson. If he wants to be more serious let him be more serious. Its not like he stopped being silly all together. He just turned it down a bit and that’s fine. Its his decision.
Don’t forget Gorillaz fans, Jamie Hewlett exist! He made all you’re favorite band members come to life in the music videos, shorts, ect! He continues drawing them countless times and works day and night to give you new content with the band members! So please appreciate him!!! ❤❤❤
THIS MIGHT BE A REACH BUT I THINK I’M ONTO SOMETHING HERE.
OKAY OKAY SO LISTEN There’s a lot of discorse about the new season and that’s understandable BUT I want you guys to look at something with me for a second.
I wanna talk about Keith and Lance. We all know Keith’s going through a lot, the blade of marmora is convincing him his own life matters less than the mission, that if he died it would just be for the greater good of the cause. So he’s pulling away, trying to make it so that Voltron doesn’t need him so that he could be… disposable.
So Keith talks to Shiro and tries to get him to go back to being the black paladin. And *cough cough* fake *cough* Shiro tells him to buckle the heck up and stop whining and just be the black paladin. He doesn’t see, in that moment just what Keith is trying to do. So he gets mad.
This is a face of pure dissapointment in Shiro. And Keith sees it. He really sees it, and feels it too. But he doesnt know what to do about it.
He’s the lone wolf, right? He doesn’t know how to function in a team properly. In the B.O.M he’s much more independant. Yes, he gets orders and people he goes on with missions but if you really watch most of those missions involve very little teamwork.
So Keith is pulling away, but at the same time he’s getting the rejection from everyone in the team that’s pushing him away. When he shows up late in the begining of episode one Hunk, Pidge and Lance are super pissed at him, right?
No, go back and look at Lance. He’s not angry. He’s worried.
Yeah, he says “Are you even taking this seriously?” But think about it. Keith is someone who throws himself into missions. He takes everything he does seriously and he puts a 100% of himself into what he does. He doesn’t half ass things, and it pays off. He gets results.
Lance is used to seeing Keith do well. At the Garrison he was top of the class, when he was still with Voltron he usually spent his free time training. And now, all of a sudden he’s late to missions, falling behind while he’s the leader.
Not only that but remember this scene?
Again,everyone looks super pissed right? No look at Lance.
And remember the dialogue?
Allura:You keep saying you’re sorry but your actions say otherwise. Do you realise that your actions put the entire team in jeoprady? Lance: And not Just the team but the refugees too.
and again, look at his face as he says it.
He’s not angry. He’s confused there. Think about it. What did Keith tell Pidge when she tried to leave? That other people’s lives were at stake if she left. Keith cares about the people he’s out there protecting. Lance understands that this is not how Keith normally is.
We know that they got closer in season 3 with Lance opening up to Keith and all and you might even call them friends. Sure he’s not as close as (the real) Shiro is to Keith, but he’s close enough to see Keith isn’t himself.
But what if… what if Keith did open up.
I get that this might be somewhat of a reach BUT if you watch Keith’s vlog, it’s very likely he wasn’t alone when he filmed it (he looks like he’s talking to someone off camera. but also tells them to get them out of there. Not only that but the camera turns off and from how emotional he got and the way he was walking its unlikely he turned it off and if you watch Allura’s vlog, she definitely gets closer to turn it off). Now my first thought would be that seeming it’s tech related it would be likely that Pidge would be with him.
But it doesn’t seem like something that Pidge would be into. Sitting and making vlogs with the paladins. Not her style.
Okay so maybe Coran? He was the first to upload a vlog, and the camera might be some castle gear? Sounds reasonable enough. But why only be there for Keith’s vlog? Allura was definitely alone during her’s. Also, I dont see them having the kind of bond where Keith would say any of that to Coran. No offense Space unc, we love you.
OKAY so not Coran or Pidge… so maybe Allura?
No, the bond isn’t strong enough. As someone who is pretty similar to Keith in defense mechanisms, I don’t see him trusting her to a point where he’s this open with her especially after what happened the last time he opened up about his Galra identity.
(We all know where I’m going with this, but for argument’s sake; I will keep going. Feel free to skip ahead.)
Okay so Hunk maybe? He has the tech know-how and stood up for Keith during the whole Galra thing. Even if he did tease him a little… Okay but even then they haven’t really had much bonding since then. I suppose it’s possible if Keith was feeling particularly vulnerable and whatever. But… Would Hunk really bother Keith to make a vlog? and would Keith ask Hunk to help with a vlog?
It doesn’t really seem in character. Yes, they’re closer but still… not close enough.
So that leaves Shiro and Lance. First, lets look at why I don’t think it’s Shiro.
As we know Shiro is someone Keith looks up to. He’s always extremely respectful towards him and it shows in his facial expressions and way of speaking.
but then look at this;
Thats not a face Keith would make at Shiro.
You know who he does make faces like that at?
L A N C E
So lets think about this. Does Lance have the tech know how? Well he’s always stealing Pidge’s shit so I’mma go ahead and say, yeah to that one. Allura seems equally technically inclined as Lance, so seeming she has no trouble with it that makes sense.
And even if Keith didn’t ask Lance to help him with his vlog, you know what does seem Lance like? Suggesting Keith makes a vlog.
So lets asume here, for a moment that Lance knows about Keith’s abandonment issues. That would explain why he looks so worried in the screenshot from before, right? He knows Keith is feeling rejected by his team and he knows that Keith’s behaviour has changed since he started working more with the blade.
But while they got closer in season 3, and Lance has a better understanding of Keith now, I also think Keith was eager to put some distance between them after that outburst. So he starts working with the blade a lot, right? Meaning Lance hardly sees him.
So they take a few steps back in their friendship.
And then Kolivan calls Keith to a mission that they all know will be dangerous and look at Lance’s face.
Yes, you could read it as Lance not wanting his spotlight gone BUT remember that Lance isn’t as shallow as he seems at first glance. He’s not the loverboy he pretends to be and few realise it, but he masks a lot of his emotions.
Yes, Lance thrives on attention. But do you really think that he would prioritise a show over a mission that could give them a great boost in power? No, this isn’t about the show, this goes deeper. He’s worried. He’s worried about Keith.
He doesn’t want him to go. He needs him around. But he cant tell him that. Especially not in front of everyone.
So what does Lance do?
He makes a stupid argument, its not much, but it’s all he’s got. “We can’t razzle dazzle the crowd with four lions.” We need you, I need you. Thats what he’s trying to say.
And Keith refuses.
So Lance has that same expression. He’s looking at Shiro in dissbelief this time because he can’t believe he’s letting him go.
So what we’ve established thus far is the following;
-Lance definitely feels closer to Keith than he used to. -Lance was probably there during Keith’s vlog. -Lance isn’t as straight forward as people think he is. -There’s probably some distance between them right now. -Lance has noticed Keith’s change in behaviour.
So with all that in mind, do you really think Lance doesn’t see that Keith is in a bad place. He knows something is up. He can feel Keith pulling and he’s trying to tell him that they need him around but he doesn’t know how to say it. And then… then Keith tells them he’s leaving.
yeah, everyone looks sad, but look at Lance. He looks deep in thought. What do you think he’s thinking? He just realised he lost Keith. And he gets it. Suddenly it all makes sense. Keith more or less reforced the bond between Black and Shiro and he was acting strange, showing up late. This is what’s been up with Keith and Lance finally figure out that this whole time, he was losing Keith.
But he gives it one last try.
Who am I going to make fun of?
It’s so much more than a playfull jab. Think about it. Really think about it.
Your mother is never coming back. Your father will never love you. The only reason he wanted you was to use you. You wanted a brother so badly, because then at least you’d have someone to share in the pain. That empty feeling that eats away at your soul and makes you feel like you want to die, day after day after day, it never stops.
request: Hiya! Love your blog! Maybe a jughead one where he is dating you but is more in love with Betty than he is with you. He tells you this and just a lot of angst. Thanks!!
warning: there’s a curse word in this, if anyone cares. also this is super depressing, yikes, sorry.
On that fateful day, there were three things you knew for certain.
The first, was that you were in love with Jughead Jones.
You really wish you could just say it was a stupid, teenage infatuation— a high school boyfriend that was nothing serious, but every time you looked at him you felt something that you couldn’t even place into words. Every time you saw his face in the hallways, pictures, down the street, in the distance, or up close— your heart would light up in some way. You remembered that looking at him when you first met felt like your heart was full of Christmas lights. You remembered very clearly, the feeling of sitting across from him at Pop’s, each of you doing your own thing, but sometimes you would look up at him and notice how beautiful he looked when he was concentrating: blue eyes reflecting computer screen colors, biting his soft lip harshly. Even worse, when he looked up at you and smiled.
You couldn’t help it: he was your first everything. Your first kiss, your first boyfriend, first everything. Sure, he was not the first person to call you beautiful, but he was the first person who made you believe it. He would often find you sitting on the roof of his tiny room at the drive-in, crying. You would always say it was because of the movie, but he would always know when it wasn’t. He would bring his hand up to your face, the pad of his thumb wiping a stray tear away. He gave you such a fierce look of sincerity in his eyes when he said it, “You’re so beautiful,” it was impossible not to believe him.
I wrote this directly after I left my first Harry Styles concert. My emotions were more elevated, and now that I’ve had some time to sit and reflect, I feel a little less raw. Keep that in mind.
I definitely got carried away, just needed to type it out, I guess. It seems a bit mad, and I’m slightly hesitant to post, but maybe someone else can resonate and understand.
Music does fucking weird things to you, man.
Warning: it’s pretty aggressive in terms of “I miss this fucking boyband so much, I cry about it,” but you all know.
It’s not just a boyband.
You get it.
I saw Harry Styles at the Chicago Theatre on September 26th.
Several people have asked me for an update.
First disclaimer: this is less of a concert play-by-play and more of a word vomit. About One Direction. About Harry. About the hiatus, the crazy shit it’s made me feel over the past two years, the future. All a bunch of nonsense - or maybe not - thoughts.
Honesty hour ensues.
Let me preface this by saying I’m grateful. So beyond grateful for all my experiences. I won’t take advantage of that. I never have. Never will.
One Direction holds an interesting pull over millions of people. Me included. I fell in love with them on a whim - it wasn’t intentional. I don’t understand it. I can’t make sense of it. I can’t explain to others why I’m so invested. But at this point, I don’t bother with an explanation. I love to love them.
“One Direction is broken up. You still listen to them?” The amount of times I’ve heard this. I’m homesick for people who don’t know I exist. Moderately crazy, but shows the extent of the soul this band put into their music and performances and relationships with each other. And us. I feel tied to it.
Is any other fandom like this? I don’t know. Nor will I ever know.
Anyone who knows me knows I’ve had a very difficult time with the whole “solo” endeavor. One Direction is the biggest and most important part of my early 20’s, and for it to stop so abruptly and without any closure has taken an embarrassing toll on me. My best friend and I have become sickeningly close during our travels - we’ve experienced seven shows together, one of which was out the country - and to me, One Direction concerts became a place to make some of our deepest memories that no one else can replicate, or understand. I met friends - my Rita - through this band. I met you guys. It’s been two years of wondering and waiting if and when they would make a return into our lives, and then. Instead. We got solo Harry. Full force.
I understand the point of the break. I get it. Overworked. Shit management. I’ve exhausted the topic in my own mind, and with others. Doesn’t mean I’m jumping for joy over it. I’m a 1d stan at heart; I support them as individuals, but when it comes down to it, my loyalties lie with the band.
I’ll be candid and real, which I’m often not on this blog. I initially jumped on the “1d went on hiatus because of Harry” bandwagon. My original logic: he said he was the one who initiated it. He was the one who had solid plans. Louis said he fought it. Niall said he wasn’t ready for it. And after closely paying attention to hundreds of interviews since 2015, Harry has clearly showed his gratitude toward the band - don’t get me wrong - but he’s the only one who hasn’t talked about a return date. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to give false hope. Maybe it’s because he doesn’t know and doesn’t want anyone to read too much into his words. Maybe he’s moved on. Whatever the case, I shied away from his career at the beginning and couldn’t get excited like everyone else seemed to be. It hurt my heart to see him so happy and thriving away from the pieces that helped him with his start, his life. Honestly, I know I would have felt hesitant about whoever happened to go fully solo first (Zayn doesn’t count - that’s a very different situation). Sure, Niall and Louis had singles out last year, but it’s not the same as embracing a new album, a new identity. It just so happened to be Harry first.
Second disclaimer: I hate that the band isn’t together, but I could never hate any direct member for that. Ever. No one is specifically responsible. And I know that.
My vision is clouded. Selfishly, I didn’t want Harry (or any of them, really) to fall out of love with the past because I wasn’t ready to fall out of love with it. It’s brought me so much joy and love and laughter and experiences. It feels like I’m begging please don’t move on without me. I’ve found a major piece of myself because of this band, and as ridiculous as it sounds, I now feel a little lost. Being 25 is weird enough in itself, in terms of career and relationships and generally just being, and now take away the part that gave me stability and my independence, and I’m just. Wandering. Waiting for something to happen to make me feel as happy as One Direction did.
Reading that back sounds ridiculous. But I’m not the only one here.
I know what this looks like, what it sounds like. I know how skewed my perspective is. I’m doing my best to fix it.
I have Harry’s album memorized. I love a few songs, like a few, dislike a few. I guess that goes for every album. His style has changed from what we’re used to, as has some of his lyrics, but the quirkiness is still the same. The heart is still there. I knew it would be.
I was overwhelmed walking into the show. It’s been over two years since I’ve seen a member of 1d on stage in front of me. I had high expectations - expectations for his performance, expectations about how I wanted to feel once it was over. The venue was beautiful. It was the perfect place to listen to this album live for the first time. Echoey and full of charm and personality. Crystals. Velvet couches in the box seating area. Marbles floors and winding staircases. Pink hues across the stage. Simple, effective lighting. Harry. All Harry. No more crowds by the thousands, no more booming music, no more larger than life stage. Somehow, I felt more anxious.
He did not disappoint. But then again, I didn’t expect him to. For the past three years, he’s always done the best job at captivating my attention whilst performing. Nothing has changed in that sense.
It felt like the final nail in the coffin for 1d, kind of. My friend’s words. It’s too hard to imagine him doing this and then going back to a place where he doesn’t get to 100% put his whole self into what he’s doing, and has to share and compromise on ideas. I understand that. It would be counterproductive to work backwards. It wouldn’t be impossible, but it would definitely feel less organic.
Not just for Harry. For all of them.
Doesn’t mean I’ve lost faith, though.
“It’s been two years since we’ve last seen each other,” he said, “and in those two years, I missed you so much.”
I cried from the moment I sat down until I got back to my hotel room.
I like to be overwhelmed by music. But not like this.
I think part of it is because this was only the fourth night of his tour. It’s still brand new. I’m still not well acquainted with it. New territory, uncharted. I sound so ugly for being so conflicted about solo endeavors, especially when I know there were people who won’t get the chance to see him and I did. I’m grateful, I promise. I’m working meticulously to sort my brain from my heart.
I’m seeing Niall in a few weeks. God help me if I feel this royally fucked over from him, too.
Harry has not left behind his roots. That much was clear. I don’t think I was ever really worried about that part, because he’s pure and kind and appreciates everything in his life for what it is. He would never speak an ill word about 1d. Ever. I don’t think he has any ill words. I sobbed when he performed WMYB. I loathe that song. It felt like a small piece of home, anyway, him using their start as a part of his start. He looked gorgeous. He sounded like a dream. He doesn’t have as much room to prance, but he made do. No catwalk, no problem. I missed his voice. His speaking voice, preaching to the crowds about love and bravery. His terrible jokes. His gratitude. Christ, it felt so good to have him in front of me again.
Kiwi was exceptional. The crowd went off. SOTT was overbearing in a beautiful way. Hearing everyone scream “woman!” all at once was a Goddamn experience. The room was deafening for the entire show.
It wasn’t the same. I didn’t expect it to be, but I wanted it to be.
My friend kept saying, “One Direction is so dead and I couldn’t care less.” I care. I hate the division amongst the fans, amongst the media. “Pick a team.” I don’t want to. Right now, my friend loves Harry more than One Direction as a whole, so she doesn’t understand. I’m not going to try to make her. The crowd chanted “Harry” during the encore, and my heart hurt in the strangest way. I told Rita about it. “Ugh. Just Harry.” I knew she’d understand. She almost always does.
I love Harry Styles. With my entire heart. He was happy on that stage. Even while I stood in the back with my face in my hands, I could see that. I’m happy he’s happy. I love nothing more than a happy Harry. The world is a better place when he’s smiling.
That doesn’t mean that I don’t feel unsettled.
It’s out of my control. Accept the good that comes along with changes. Something I’m learning. Something I’m sure all five original members of One Direction are also learning.
I’m seeing him again on Saturday, in Boston. I’m hoping the initial shock will be mostly worn off and now that I know what solo 1d feels like, I’ll feel more ready for it. More ready for his sequined suit, his smile, his note changes, his band that isn’t the one we’re all used to, the harmonies that bleed together as if it was fate, the lack of three other boys who I miss terribly.
Maybe he misses them as much as I do.
I saw Harry Styles at the Chicago Theatre on September 26th. He was stunning. He moved me to tears. He ran with a rainbow flag, made us scream about pizza, looked beautiful in the neon pink lights. It wasn’t One Direction. It wasn’t better. It wasn’t worse. It was just different. And that’s what I’ll keep telling myself. Embrace being different. It’s what Harry does, after all.
I’m profound in the art of making five days worth of clothing fit into one carry on bag. I can memorize new albums in 48 hours if I have the right determination. I’m able to meticulously plan trips to new cities and venues like it’s nobody’s business. I’ve yet to master the ability, however, of separating love and music.
But I guess those are technically the same thing, anyway.
Thank you for a beautiful show, Styles. Thank you for allowing us into your life, for staying true. I’ve missed you, as a whole, as an individual. I’ll see you on Saturday.
Stay tuned for a second update this weekend. I’m sure it will be much different. I’ll be sure to post some photos, as there will “mainly be prancing.” And what a shame it would be to miss that.
He turns into Wilford because he went insane after seeing all of his friends die and then seeing one he thought he had killed “come back to life” right in front of his eyes…death doesnt mean the same thing anymore..its all a joke to him..Wilford and Dark came into being at the same time but just from opposite sides of the situation…my heart is broken..