it's a weird ship i know but just think about it

ainawgsd  asked:

What if humans are the only species that gets "mystery" bruises? How weird would it be to aliens that we can sustain an injury that leaves a mark lasting days or sometimes weeks but don't remember how we got it?

I love it!

Humans are already terrifying enough, but then it gets injuries like contusions (which is deadly to several species mind you!) and it doESN’T EVEN KNOW WHY?!?!?!?

At first the interspecies council thinks it’s a joke. Yes, it has already been established that a human just plain won’t die (with very few exceptions, like decapitation) and contusions aren’t that dangerous for most species. That it’d be unsuccessful at killing a human wasn’t surprising, but that they some times don’t even know how they’ve gotten the contusion? No that has to be a joke.

It’s ruled as another myth until a member of the council travels with a ship with a few human crew-members. Trofaxiq the Elder had taken a stroll around the ship a few days into the voyage when he heard two humans talking.

“Maybe you walked into something?” The tall, highly pigmented one said, inspecting something on the slightly shorter, less pigmented one.

“Yeah, you know I’m clumsy, but the position’s weird, isn’t it?” The shorter one said, looking down at their own appendage.

“So maybe you got it in your sleep?” The tall one suggested as the short one spotted Trofaxiq the Elder and jabbed its appendage into their fellow human’s sternum. A less experienced Froentir would have mistaken it for an attack, but Trofaxiq the Elder knew enough about human behaviour to know it was called a ‘nudge’ and was socially acceptable. 

After the normal exchange of greetings and pleasantries, Trofaxiq the Elder eventually asked the humans what they had been discussing. The tall one, Fatima, said the short one, Lucía had gotten a bruise, but couldn’t remember how. Unsure what a bruise was, Trofaxiq the Elder asked, but quickly came to wish they hadn’t as they saw the large contusion on the humans appendage.

Less than one rotation later, the human guide had been updated, and a suggestion had been made to add a classification so they could mark humans down as more dangerous than the previous  “extremely dangerous, do not approach in the wild”

The only problem was how useful humans could be to expeditions. In the end, the suggestion wasn’t passed, to the worry of many council members.

so I was talking with @gitwrecked about the Space Dad mentality and how rare it is that Shiro gets to have fun like the other Paladins do. A lot of fic and art either assume Shiro’s the responsible character, or leave him out completely while all the Paladins are having fun - and that’s always bugged me, a bit. Shiro so rarely gets a chance to play those games, or make mistakes, or be smol, or be taken care of in any way. In fandom, Shiro’s almost always the Responsible One, whether that’s in charge of the team, assisting with the team’s personal affairs/relationship woes Via the giving of Dad Advice, etc. etc. Even the mentality that back at the Garrison Shiro must’ve been tight-laced, Perfect, and Always Responsible is just…it doesn’t make sense, to me. Considering everything he’s been through, can’t our Shiro be allowed some fun?

Shiro would’ve been a COMPLETE troublemaker back at the Garrison. Hardworking and dedicated, sure, but once he proved himself and climbed up the ranks, so to speak? Kid could get away with ANYTHING. Nobody can keep a straight face quite like Shiro. Nobody knows why there’s always one particular flight-bike returned with just a bit less fuel than the others, nope, no sir. No, nobody knows how the doors to the hangars were left unlocked and a trio of cows slipped in last night. Nope, definitely not. Shirogane? Nope, definitely not involved. What kind of person would think that of Innocent, Responsible Shiro?

Shiro gets away with a lot of stuff like this. Matt only eggs him on, the little troublemaker. The two of them would make SUCH a pair, wreaking havoc, always messing things up, and the worst part is Iverson can NEVER PROVE IT. If Matt has even half the hacking skills of Pidge? Nothing would be safe. The rosters? Weird how Shiro and Matt are always in the same classes. Any type of list? Funny that the mess hall’s serving chocolate cake for dinner for the fourth night in a row, how odd. The simulators? 

Dear lord, the simulators.

Fake missions. Weird Easter Eggs left behind in mission logs, so the freshmen are running these simulations and that’s definitely a duck that just flew past us, sir, how is a duck faster than this ship? Weird loopholes, one set of canyons that definitely loops you back to the beginning just after you exit. Missions with heavy-loss scenarios that light up at the end with a huge message saying APRIL FOOL’S. Just messing with everyone.

[Iverson: WHO LET HOLT INTO THE SIMULATOR PROGRAMMING?
Matt, deadpan, as the newbies running the simulation have to fly through a series of caves in a mountain that looks suspiciously like a nose (only access point is through the nostril): It’s my computer programming final, sir. 
Iverson, who didn’t check all the course syllabi: Shirogane, is this true?
Shiro, without batting an eye: Yes sir.]

In addition to the ability to lie their way out of every inquisition, Matt and Shiro are pretty clever at this. They don’t have to lie often because they don’t get caught. They’re extremely cautious, planning tricks weeks or months in advance, well worth taking the time to pull it off well and cover our tracks than it is to get caught and give up the whole game. (I’m not saying they were Weasleys of the Garrison, but.) 

I wonder if this is also one of the reasons Lance looks up to Shiro so much. Picture one night a very young and impressionable Lance sneaking out of his dorm after hours, trying to get a level up by gaining just one extra peek at the simulators (poor bab wants so badly to be fighter class), and in so doing caught the rarest of rare events: Shiro, sneaking out of the simulator programming room.

And Lance doesn’t mean to, but he stumbles right into a trashcan and makes a huge clatter and Shiro’s head whips up and the two of them just stare at each other. Lance’s heart is going a mile a minute, he’s going to get in trouble, that’s Takashi Shirogane, the straight-A Perfect Responsible Top Of His Class Pilot - 

Shiro draws breath. Lance winces, waiting for the reprimand.

“Can you keep a secret?” Shiro asks, and winks.

“Uh,” stutters Lance, floored.

And then the next day Lance is watching the simulator runs with his class, but for whatever reason the Simulator’s infected with some sort of weird bug. Anytime anyone fails at any part of the program the screen rains down confetti on them. Forgot to buckle your seatbelt? CONFETTI. Effed up that landing? CONFETTI. Turning to hurl into the main gearbox- 

“Shirogane,” Iverson growls, “Did you program this run?”

“Must be a glitch, sir,” Shiro says, completely straight-faced.

And Lance is a goner.

Humans are weird

Ok, getting on the humans are weird bandwagon….

It surprises me that we haven’t talked about the most obvious thing: humans imagine things. Humans outright make shit up. (Like these posts?) Human stories often aren’t retellings of things that actually happened. Art often isn’t a depiction of true events. Humans - for want of a better word - humans sublimate. They transform their experiences into outlandish non-reality for each others’ amusement.

It takes forever for first contact to start because the aliens planning it keep getting confused by first radio, then television. Some of these depictions can’t be possible - but which ones? The first time War of the Worlds reaches the Kuiper belt, someone panics and has to double check that a more aggressive group hasn’t actually invaded.

After humans are finally integrated into galactic culture, some issues crop up.

“Did you clean the waste facility?” the Janitorial Supervisor asks.

“Well, I would have,” the human starts, then proceeds to tell an outrageous story about a cleaning bot with a knife strapped to its back which has the entire crew searching the ship for hours. The entire crew except for the humans.

The Captain finds the humans “searching” the self-poisoning cabinet in one of the crew quarters.

“Oh my god,” the First Officer says, on seeing the Captain’s dust-speckled upper ears. “Oh my god, I can’t believe you really fell for that. Stabby is a cryptid, Harold!”

The Captain’s name is not Harold, but that is another, even longer story.

The Captain exhales. “What is a cryptid?”

The assistant medical officer sits up straighter, his drink sloshing dangerously. The Captain has learned what “a gleam in his eye” means and how to detect it. They sit, resigned. There’s no escaping now.

An hour later, the Captain explains the concept of cryptids in considerably less detail to the embarrassed and confused Supervisor. Along with the concept of lying.

“But how do you know the difference?” the Supervisor asks, wringing their tentacles in mixed embarrassment and worry.

“Find another human,” the Captain advises. “Check for signs of mirth.”

This turns out to be prescient, because on their next planetary stop, two of the human field officers come running back into the base camp, out of breath and without the rest of their scouting team.

“Nasty buggers with teeth!” one gasps. Though the other officers appear skeptical, the Captain glances at the First Officer, who is already setting down her meal and grabbing her favorite flamethrower. The assistant medical officer yanks his kit straps over his shoulders, face grim.

“Arm yourselves,” the Captain tells the rest.

It takes about four hours, but they get everyone back more or less intact. The humans change the sign in the rec room on the ship to read: “Us: 6, Them: 0″. There is a ritual raising of liquor-filled glasses, even by the injured who are forbidden self-poisoning. The Captain begins temporary hibernation very relieved that humans are so willing to count other species as “us”.

When they ask the First Officer about it two cycles later, the First Officer looks confused, then knowing.

“My great grandmother remembers when you first showed up. They picked your people for first contact for a reason, didn’t they?”

“We look the most like you.”

“Yeah, well, that was a bad call. Gran says humans debated for months whether or not you were just other humans with good prosthetic makeup.”

The Captain blinks at this. “Most peoples are shocked and upset to learn the rest of the sentient universe does not share their appearance. Wait.” They pause. “Is that why we had so many applicants for the Janitorial position?”

The First Officer ignores that, as she usually does when the Captain doesn’t really want to know the answer.

“Do you know why cryptids exist? Why horror and violence and monsters exist in our stories?” she asks instead.

The Captain twitches both sets of ears ‘no’. “It seems unnecessary to frighten yourselves over things that don’t exist.”

“But nasty buggers with teeth do exist, even if we haven’t met them yet,” she says grimly. “And we were ready, weren’t we?”

It’s true. The humans on board have been terrifyingly adaptable, even in their violence.

The Captain feels their way carefully. “You think about things that don’t exist… sometimes even things that distress and terrify you… so that you can be ready when you face real things that distress and terrify you?”

“See, this is why you’re the Captain, Harold.” The First Officer slaps their shoulder hump cheerfully, careful to avoid the spines. “And better yet, we share the things we imagine with each other. It’s like a mental vaccine.”

“And it works?”

“Eh, sometimes. It’s not perfect. Sometimes we don’t mark our vaccines properly, or don’t realize we’re adding things we didn’t mean to. Some of them have a bad effect on some people, for various reasons. But we joined the galactic community in less than a generation. Has any other species ever done that?”

“You imagined us before you met us.”

“Now you’re getting it.”

Reasons to ship Camren…

  • They have matching onesies; Lauren’s one is gray whilst Camila’s is pink.
  • They’re both Cuban.
  • They’re both from Miami, Florida.
  • Both are Latinas.
  • Lauren and Camila got the most solos in The X Factor performances.
  • They are both big fans of One Direction.
  • They both auditioned in Greensboro, North Carolina.
  • They both have a younger sister.
  • They hung out with each other on December 31st, 2012 to January 1st, 2013. They then tweeted a photo of Camila making a funny face and Lauren looking awkward.
  • Spanish was both their first language.
  • They live 15 minutes away from each other.
  • They often switch places with the other girls so they can sit next to each other.
  • They both love to do accents with each other.
  • They often think the same things at the same time.
  • They both have a weakness: Lauren for beanies and Camila for bows.
  • Lauren is the only one who calls Camila Camz.
  • Camila said if Lauren got arrested for something, she would get arrested for being so sweet.
  • They sat right next to each other at a The 1975 concert.
  • They have the same music taste.
  • Lauren said Camila is her “Pink Princess”.
  • Lauren is the “mom”…and Camila is the “father”.
  • Camila thinks Lauren is a “boss of an intelligent opinion”.
  • Camila thinks Lauren “is real”.
  • Camila would switch her mind with Lauren.
  • Lauren would switch her mind with Camila.
  • Camila wanted Lauren to kiss her under the mistletoe.
  • They wear the same “merch” clothes.
  • The way Lauren looks at Camila after she says “Fall, by Ed Sheeran”.
  • Lauren is Camila’s celebrity crush. (Oh … and Camila wants to marry with her celebrity crush ..even if her family doesn’t support the relationship.)
  • Camila would be "Baby Spice” because she is Lauren’s baby.
  • Lauren is the only person who laughs at Camila’s jokes.
  • Camila loves Lern Jerg.
  • Because Lauren helps her when her banana is dead on the floor.
  • Because Lauren helps her when her microphone breaks.
  • Because Lauren ties her shoes.
  • Camila is the sun and Lauren the moon.
  • Because Lauren doesn’t know what else to say but she thinks Camila is pretty fucking Dope!
  • Because Camila has Lauren “written on her”.
  • Because Camila read Lauren’s favorite book.
  • Because Lauren knows that Camila cried reading “Fault in Our Stars”.
  • Because one day Camila and Lauren went to the bathroom together and … that’s the end of the conversation!
  • Because Camila thinks Lauren can sing and is pretty too.
  • Because they have an audience that calls them crazy! (and they call us delusional!)
  • Because both like “so many hot boys”.
  • Because Camila said: “keep the boat floating”.
  • Because Lauren said “It’s Camren, YOOO!.
  • Because Lauren wants someone to love her insecurities…and Camila do!
  • Because Lauren has “the most beautiful emerald eyes in the world”.
  • Because Camila thinks Lauren is “perfect”.
  • Camila tried salmon because Lauren loves sushi.
  • Because Lauren thinks Camila is goofy, not the bad kind goofy, the cute kind goofy.
  • Because Camila loves people from “planet green eyes”.

Extra:

  • I love you. You’re one of my best friends and I feel like I’ve know you forever. You’re one of the smartest people I know and you’re stuning. I’ve learned a lot from you, just know I’ll always be here for you no matter what!” - Camila on Lauren
  • Happy 16th Birthday little one(: thank you for always being you and being one of the raddest people I’ve ever had the pleasure of knowing. You’re an incredible person and I’m extremely lucky to have you in my life. Thanks for being there to vent with and even though we haven’t known each other for even a year yet, I feel like you’re the sister God forgot to give me. I love you Camzi(: have a good one babe! 💙😘🎉🎈🎁💙#camren” - Lauren on Camila


  • Happy 17th Birthday to this little nugget right here. I thought this picture was cute so I decided it would suffice. Just wanted to let you know that you’re an amazing beautiful person and I’m glad that you’ve been alive for 17 years and that 2 of them have been spent with the girls and I because idk you’re pretty rad and an amazing friend and fun to have around. I hope you have an amazing day and feel as special today as you deserve to feel everyday. Thanks for always being there for me when I need you and for being your wonderful self(: I LOVE YOU CAMZ” - Lauren on Camila


  • AWHHHHH YAAAY I LOVE YOU UR CUTE 🐏🐟💗🎷” - Camila on Lauren


  • The word I’d use to describe Camila is hmm I’m gonna say cutesy, like also goofy. It’s like both, like the good kind of goofy not the weird kind. Like the cutesy kinda goofy” - Lauren on Camila


  • LERN JERGI. ITS YOUR BIRTHDAY. YOU ARE 18. THIS IS THE MOMENT YOUVE BEEN WAITING FOR. IF YOU STUCK YOUR TONGUE OUT IN THE AIR RIGHT NOW YOU COULD PROBABLY TASTE THE SWEET AND PUNGENT FREEDOM OF DRAGONFLY TATTOOS, NOSE PIERCINGS, AND VOTING RIGHTS. we’ve been through thick and thin in our friendship, and through those thick and thins I’ve gotten blessed enough to experience you as a person. ive gotten to experience your bomb music taste which I am SO HAPPY YOU INTRODUCED ME TO because we have the best time at concerts bonding over bands and there are so many more to come PRAISE JESUS. i can come to you about anything and expect the pure, honest, rare truth and I’ll always be there tell you it’ll be okay when you cry on my shoulder when you feel lonely or hurt. I’ve gotten to see firsthand your incredible sense of justice, when you see that something unfair or wrong has happened, you’ll raise your voice and fight for that person with a bravery that I, and many other people (although they might not admit it) wish they had. i love how passionately you fight for what you think is right and everyone should remind you today and everyday that it’s a strength and not a weakness. i can’t tell you what a comfort it is to know someone like you will stick up for me and have my back, i hope you know i will too. i love you always” - Camila on Lauren


  • Super cute candids taken by a random stranger always make good birthday post pics. HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY CAMILA CABELLO. YOU’RE LEGAL NOW YAYYY!!!!!! You are such a beautiful person inside and out and I’m so thankful that I get to call you my friend. Thanks for all the laughs, for being my shoulder to cry on whenever I’ve needed a friend, for giving amazing sound advice (even though you’re just now considered an adult by the government you’ve been there mentally for a while which I greatly appreciate) I wish you many more years of amazingness and I hope you had the best day with your family. You deserve all the love and happiness the world has to offer and I wish it all upon you for many many years to come. I LOVE YOU CAMZZZZ❤️❤️❤️” - Lauren on Camila


  • HAPPY 19TH LAUREN!! i remember the day you auditioned for X factor seeing a beautiful green eyed girl belt out an Alicia keys song so perfectly i feared for my life. i remember telling my mom "that girl can sing!! and she’s gorgeous too!!” and then you walked out and i told you i loved your shirt remember? HAHAHA. it’s funny how before we even knew how important we were going to be to each other, something in us knew and something in us will always know. i love how fiercely you defend your opinion, i love your strength, your bold independence, and your desire to live life fully. i love that we crack up at each other’s jokes even when nobody else gets them- and i love those moments where we get caught up in talking about a band or a book and we get lost in the conversation like two normal girls in high school that aren’t about to go do something ridiculous like go to an awards show. i will always be there for you when you need someone to vent to, when you want to talk about the overwhelming underwhelmingness of boys that break our hearts or the overwhelming overwhelmingness of when a kiss leaves your head reeling, when i back you up and you need someone to stick up for you, or when you just need someone to understand- we’ve done that for each other in the last 3 years and we will do that for each other forevermore. i love you so much !!!! happy 19th lern jergi!!!!! camila“ - Camila on Lauren
Destiel, Bi!Dean and preparing the audience for a “shocker”.

I just did a re-watch of 12x10 and it really got me thinking again about Benjamin and Cas’s talk in the car with the boys about Benjamin and his female vessel.

At the time the episode aired, I think I was so excited about the prospect of Cas being in a female vessel, and how this could potentially shift a heteronormative audiences perception of Dean and Cas that I didn’t realise just what else they were trying to do.

This is about reassurance.

This is the conversation that was had in the car:

CAS: Benjamin is always very careful. Long ago, he found a powerfully devout vessel in Madrid, and her faith, it… she gave him everything – her trust and her body.

DEAN: Wait. So Benjamin’s a woman?

CAS: Benjamin is an angel. His vessel is a woman. But it – it’s – it’s more than that. She’s not just his vessel.

Just this small exchange is important as exposition for the audience. It is about preparing the audience for what is coming up. The idea that Cas was also once ‘a woman’. Which, okay, no he wasn’t a woman, he just had a female vessel, but imagine how that would have gone down had this exchange not taken place? Imagine how a general audience would have reacted to Cas and his female vessel had Benjamin just been another angel in a male vessel?

Probably a lot like the way Dean acted here, with confusion.

By giving us the Benjamin character and this particular scene as well, the writer has successfully prepared the audience for Cas in his female vessel. Preventing raised eyebrows and confusion because the audience will remember this conversation and apply it to Cas.

“Castiel is an angel, his vessel WAS a woman. His vessel is now a man, Cas is still a dude and it’s not weird. Cool beans.”

(when I think of a general audience watching SPN lets just say that I certainly don’t think of the fandom or tumblr. I think of my brother and that is something I won’t get into here. Heteronormative doesn’t even begin to cover it.)

The fact is, making one of your three main lead male characters a woman for an episode is a weird thing to do, the kind of thing that would probably make some audience members uncomfortable. So adding in this exposition, this reassurance, removes that level of discomfort, it gets them used to the idea first, like a buffer.

See for a show like SPN, whilst its always been a bit weird with its story lines, it’s never been all that progressive. As much as we would all like to wish that all SPN viewers were like us – liberal forward thinking people who are willing and eager for TV to break a few taboos – the chances are that is very much not the case. Its an old show, it has an established audience (apparently a bipartisan audience amazingly) and therefore breaking boundaries the way more modern shows have (such as American Gods, How to Get Away with Murder and Orange is the New Black) just isn’t really in the cards. Those shows established the taboo stories, the queer main characters, the representation, from the start. They built their audience on those foundations. SPN can’t do that without isolating part of its audience – unless it thinks very carefully as to how it may present such notions.

I hope I am explaining this in a way that makes sense. See this is of course about Bi!Dean and Destiel (as if anything on my blog WASN’T about those topics). Because here’s the thing. On any other, newer show, for Dean to come out as bisexual, for two male lead characters to enter into a homosexual relationship, it wouldn’t be a big deal. Those shows could build their audience around those concepts, because they would be ingrained into the show from the start.

For Supernatural, that sadly isn’t the case. SPN didn’t clearly establish Dean as Bisexual early on, and Destiel isn’t canon, it has always been the subject to interpretation with just enough ‘no homo’ so that anyone who chooses not to see it doesn’t have to (again, excluding 12x19 but we’ll get there)

One of the biggest hurdles to getting bi!dean and canon destiel, is for the SPN creators to overcome this fear that half their audience would reject them if they actually went there. It would be seen as coming ‘out of the blue’ and all those heteronormative people would raise their eyebrows and moan and be utterly confused by it.

That’s why Supernatural needs the buffers. It needs the gradual exposition, the subtle desensitisation of a general audience to anything even mildly “progressive”. If Supernatural wasn’t putting these buffers in place already, I would think we would have a problem. I would be much more apprehensive at even the idea that destiel could be a thing that is actually happening.

What is so fantastic, is that just like in 12x10 with the fem!Cas buffer that was Benjamin, we have already been getting buffers all throughout the last few seasons.

Here are some of my favourites:

  • Jesse x Cesar – 11x19 – These guys are my absolute favourite, they were created specifically to show the audience that you can be a gay man and also a macho man. That gay men aren’t stereotypes, that hunters can be gay and settle down and especially that gay romance doesn’t change the theme of the story. The big take away from this episode is that it shows the general audience that men like Dean Winchester can be gay/bisexual.
  • Hannah – 10x17 – This was a real eye opener for any Cas x Hannah shippers. Because Cas didn’t treat Hannah any different, and he had exactly the same warmth and affection for Hannah in her male vessel that he did in her female vessel. Basically this was a nice punch in the face for any homophobes watching. SPN doesn’t care about your heteronormative ships. You wanna ship Hannah x Cas? Fine! But Hannah’s in a dudes body now and guess what? Cas doesn’t care! How do you feel about THAT?
  • God is Bisexual – 11x20 – This was just a nice big fuck you to homophobes everywhere. Don’t like queer characters? This is NOT the show for you! Because in our world even GOD is queer! Yay for LGBT representation! It works as a buffer because once again it is sending a message to the general audience that this is the kind of thing you can expect on our show. We are changed now.
  • Dean rides Larry – 12x11 – Okay so maybe it’s not an obvious buffer, but it is kind of a subliminal message so I’m counting it. Dean riding that damn bull was the most sexual scene we have had on this show in seasons (and no that god awful thing that happened in 12x02 doesn’t count – nor does the same god awful thing from 12x08). The jokes alone, the sexual innuendos. This entire episode is loaded with subliminal messages basically screaming at the general audience to maybe just consider the fact that Dean likes guys.
  • 12x06/12x20 – Max Banes – like Jesse and Cesar Max works as a buffer because he is another way to get the general audience used to the idea that characters that are similar to Dean Winchester can be queer and it’s no big deal. Max is badass, funny, smart and charming and also 100% canonically queer (whether gay or bi we know textually that he is totally into dudes). Sam and Dean don’t bat an eyelid at his sexuality, so neither should the audience. It is just one part of his character and certainly not what his story is all about. Max is proof that you can have a queer character who is a badass and a hunter whose story is basically nothing to do with their sexuality. Their sexuality just happens to be a part of who they are.
  • And finally – Destiel – season 12 – I’m making this its own buffer because honestly? There is no way to view Dean and Cas’s relationship as non-romantic at this point. I think that the writers have slowly been turning up the dial on Destiel probably since 11x18. 12x19 really drummed it in for us though. The angel/human love themes of 12x10, the textual “I love you” in 12x12, the MIXTAPE and everything else about 12x19. This is all preparation. It is indeed a build up to a reveal. Destiel is it’s own buffer and even if people do still accuse it of ‘coming out of nowhere’ once it goes canon, all the writers have to do is gesture at season 12 and the fucking mixtape scene and say to those people “in what universe does the gifting of a mixtape between people who are not explicitly related NOT have romantic connotations?” Only a fool would argue with that if they had any knowledge of pop culture history. Sorry, but that’s the truth.

Anyway, that’s my thoughts on that. A show with a long established audience about to make a move that could potentially appear (but not really) out of left field would need to build up that move through a series of well thought out buffers, symbols, themes and subliminal messages before actually making it.

Like how Benjamin was the writers way of normalising Cas’s female vessel, the past two seasons have been a journey to normalise bi!dean and destiel in preparation for making both of these things explicitly canon. Yes we still have a way to go - it still needs to be stated explicitly in the text that Dean is into guys, in love with Cas bla bla bla, but we are getting there.

In summary. Destiel is endgame. Dean is bisexual. The general audience better learn to throw their heteronormative goggles in the bin because this is the state of this show right now, and it is good. 

unpopular opinion: there’s no way we can get a great garnet episode at this point

aka why i can understand why garnet stopped having episodes dedicated to her.

this isnt to justify the lack of episodes dedicated to her, but rather my anger and frustrations with the crewniverse for repeatedly stunting any development for her and turning her into a really bland and overly forgiving mom character

garnet transformed from this mysterious mother figure that would do quirky things and have spouts of anger to a faux progressive happy go lucky character (odlaws’ put my issue into words perfectly if you wanna understand it more)

like back in season 1? what were garnet’s flaws:

she was awkward, she would turn violent if you pushed her hard enough, she over estimates steven, she can lose focus easily, her stoic persona made her come off as uncaring and intimidating

after jailbreak, keeping it together and cry for help you would think garnet would face new conflicts such as trust issues, dealing with PTSD, coping with horrific imagery, letting things go, etc

but no. we never get any of that. we’re not ALLOWED to get any of that. instead all that emotion and turmoil is given to ruby and sapphire. really godbless these characters, i still love them to death and despite some of my issues with keystone motel, its still a really solid and enjoyable ep. But this arc was supposed to be about garnet being hurt. pearl was jealous of garnet and pearl hurt garnet. when pearl was insulting sugilite no one went “how rude of pearl to insult amethyst and garnet”. We all understood that sugilite was a separate identity who made her own decisions and garnet and amethyst weren’t influencing it. 

even when ruby and sapphire were angry about how they were hurt, RUBY was in the wrong because she didnt want to forgive pearl right away and sapphire told her that forgiving pearl was the right thing. ignoring the fact that that was a terrible message to send, that you need to just forgive people who hurt you right away just because they’re close friends, we never get a chance to see garnet vent and show her anger. even in Friend Ship, it ended with garnet playing the life coach for pearl DESPITE pearl not giving a proper apology and instead making bad excuses and using guilt tripping tactics (”im not strong enough” “im just useless”). its like the tumblr equivalent of someone going “i know i did something bad i get it im trash i deserve to die”. But garnet can’t shut that down can she? garnet cant receive a good apology can she? no she has to sit down and stroke Pearl’s ego for a goddamn minute.

garnet cant express her feelings because that’s wrong and bad! pearl can scream at a child and smack a wall simply because he tried to be supportive but garnet cant be mad. garnet’s not allowed to express her feelings. Friend Ship and Cry For Help made me realize something awful.

when garnet’s mad its not sympathetic, it’s scary

back in season 1 I forgave it since garnet was an imposing figure. she’s weird and mysterious. when she was mad it was over things like accidentally getting her glasses knocked off and ronaldo kidnapping steven. you could laugh at the situation with her and not really take her anger seriously enough

so you would think given the circumstances, the writers would understand that we should sympathize with garnet since she was violated. which isnt at all funny and nearly made her defuse.

But you’re not supposed to empathize with garnet. you’re not supposed to relate to her. You’re not supposed to go “poor garnet thats so messed up”. you’re instead supposed to react like “Yeah that was messed up but WHY is she mad at pearl :(”

amethyst complains about the house being awkward and taking neither sides despite it clearly being something that she should be supporting garnet in. steven doesnt support garnet either. when pearl snapped at steven in Rose’s Scabbard, steven chases after her and spends some time with her to lift her mood. But steven didn’t care to do anything for garnet. Steven didn’t invite her to come to the motel. Steven didn’t take the time to talk to her. and Steven didn’t make any attempt to relate to her.

and yet guess who did get the good ol’ “get coddled like a baby” treatment.

pearl. someone who was the cause of all this drama. who not only violated a friend several times, but delayed their mission and risked endangering everyone for the sake of feeling good about herself. but ofc the writer’s woobie fave could never do anything wrong :(

an entire arc that should’ve been meant to flesh out both garnet and pearl ended up shelving garnet and treating pearl like the victim in all of this. that SHE’S the one who needs help.

how insulting

a black woman who sang a song about the importance of love and fusion, who nearly fell apart when she saw forced fusions, is not the victim in this. the Cry For Help was about pearl. garnet needed to drop all her feelings for pearl.

And afterwards it just went downhill from there. its like the show completely gave up on garnet.

more focus and screen time was given to ruby and sapphire, who again i love, but get more development than garnet.

and finally we reach “Log Date 7 15 2″ or as i like to call it “the rise of magical negro garnet”

Peridot’s comments don’t piss off Garnet. You don’t see her get visibly angry. She barely musters a response except for mildly bored look. I wasn’t asking for “garnet beats up peridot for being a homophobe”, but I know very well that garnet would not be the type to just allow Peridot to spend several days making off color comments. Garnet looks bored to mildly pleased. 

You could call this character development except… not really? Garnet smiling more does not equal Garnet being way more tolerant of disrespectful behavior. But since this was an arc for peridot i forgave it a bit. 

But then came episodes like Gem Harvest where Garnet would seriously be the last person to just shut up and tolerate Andy’s disrespectful behavior. And in Mindful Education we see garnet using ruby and sapphire to express how they handle trauma rather than Garnet using her own emotions.

Garnet isn’t flawed anymore. Garnet doesn’t make awkward comments or act in ways that are oddly violent. She’s not brash or passionate. She’s just there to offer advice.

Finally there’s Room For Ruby, an episode that made me sit and go “there is no way in hell this is the same garnet before”

  • garnet was already cautious with Steven trying to train a corrupted gem, why would she not even moniter him teaching Navy about earth (i know they think she’s dumb but she’s not an animal and there’s a reason why the diamonds sent out those rubies)
  • garnet saw a future where navy did not care about being a crystal gem and did nothing. excuse me? Garnet says herself her future vision works like a river with various streams connecting to it, and relies on the future thats most common (she when she jumped in front of a spilled coffee pot to protect steven). garnet even understood at the end of the episode that bad futures are possible and risky, and if they’re most common she needs needs to act on it. why on earth would garnet see a future where navy takes the ship and leave and not do anything about it
  • she was waaaaay too laxed about steven failing to stop navy. remember when she said she was terrified of Blue Diamond? Or when she smashed a warp pad just for seeing peridot show up? 

garnet’s cool with everything now. she doesnt care. she became the most assertive member of the team to the most passive. she’s easy to convince and push. she lacks any depth outside of “quiet mom who smiles sometimes”.

i cant believe im saying this but i honestly thing the crew fucked with her personality harder than lapis. because at least in lapis’s case, there was no concrete identity for her.

but there was one for garnet, one we all loved. 

awkward, funny, quirky, sensitive and assertive garnet.

the writers could have developed it more and jailbreak made me believe we were going to see more of her. but instead the writers decided decided “Garnet with layered personalities is a bit too much for us. so we gotta simplify her. make her the walking shoulder to cry on. the friend that enables everything you do, she just loves steven and thats all that matters.”

and that’s all garnet is now. she’s almost like peridot. happy go lucky, overly forgiving and a shell of her former self.

and that makes me mad

Humans are space orcs, eh?

I’m new to this, but I love what I’m reading in the feed lately, so, trying my hand!

Some ideas:

What if the greatest diplomacy problem in dealing with humans is that they seem to lie about past events constantly, even to someone who witnessed the same events?  Then it’s discovered that humans have recording devices of all kinds– security cameras, diaries, mp3– and the problem becomes clear.  Humans lie, but not that badly.  The poor, fretful creatures just have a species-wide brain defect.  Kindly aliens take to recording every event and encounter they can, then preface every diplomatic meeting with a record swap so the humans can brush up on what actually happened and the aliens can get some insight into what the humans have been falsely thinking happened.  Ambassadors to Earth get supplementary training in how to handle people with memory impairments, and human ambassadors to other worlds start hiring aliens– ANY aliens– to be their assistants.  Everything smooths out after that.

Religion.  Aliens intellectually understand how religion works and that there are different kinds, but they don’t really “get” it.  The biggest confusion regards whether the humans, who do seem to have some sort of empathic abilities at least, are actually communing with incorporeal beings/forces… and if so, why some humans seem able to commune with more than one, while other humans not at all.  Notable scholars have decided that the rituals and paraphernalia have nothing to do with the beings or forces being communed with, but muddied the matter by suggesting that the rituals may be important for a human’s ability to commune.  Alien non-scholars, eager to accommodate this new species and prove that space is nothing to be afraid of– nobody wants a repeat of the H’j’g’rcxin Xenophobia disaster– simply treat any and all religious requests as vital necessities for their human guests and crewmen.  Accommodation becomes so ordinary that when the first religious argument erupts between an engineer and a navigator, the biggest shock is that one of them objects to the other wearing a turban, something which does not affect work performance in any way.

Styling.  Alien species each have their own primary sense that they rely on, and when they find out that humans primarily rely on sight, well.  Reliant on sight means that surface patterns and colorings are particularly important to them, right?  They will have evolved to be individually distinctive in appearance?  New human crew are automatically assigned a mentor from another vision-reliant species, so someone will be able to tell them apart until the auditory and pheromone labels are attached to their uniforms.  Then Abby comes to mess with a new haircut and sparkly chapstick one day, and the mentor has no idea who she is or how she got aboard.

Word of Stabby the Space Roomba spreads, and soon every ship with a human captain or sufficiently high number of human crew has a Stabby.  Names vary, but most of them are Stabby.  One ship becomes low-key known for sending out broadcasts of Stabby McStabberson, son of Stabberson, son of Stabber, and its adventures stabbing juice boxes in zero-G.

Aesthetics.  Humans have a bewildering tendency to open starmaps or sneak into the scientific observation module at odd times, including with a mate or offspring, and just stare at open space.  Not even particular stars, although they like to study and talk about particular stars and clusters at times, but just, the whole of space.  Why do they do it?  Nobody knows.  Humans behave as though intoxicated during these times, but productivity lowers dramatically if they are barred access– if barring access even works in the first place, given humans’ seemingly endless ability to get into places where they aren’t supposed to be.

Fire.  Due to different atmospheric content, inability to heal from burns, or just plain never needing to cook their food, no alien species has ever utilized fire as a tool.  When humans say that learning to use fire may have been the start of their civilization, everybody believes that the humans are just talking a tough game to make up for their lower technology level, or– once they learn about human hierarchies– to compensate for a perceived lack of political status.  Then a human sees a catastrophic explosion on a hostile planet and laughs.  Then another shushes panicking engineers and smothers an accidental fire with some garments.  Then another builds a bonfire out of dead plantlife and a shredded religious document to warm an injured alien crewman after xir endothermic suit is punctured and the planet rotates away from its sun.  Humans– soft, cuddly, pack-bonds-even-with-inanimate-objects humans– are comfortably in control of the most terrifying force of disaster the galaxy has ever known.  Aliens stop being surprised that we nearly made ourselves extinct so many times in history.

“Why does your larval stage look so similar to your mature stage?  How do you know when a human is old enough to leave the Pit of Offspring?  Or to mate?”

I’ve seen a lot of ideas about humans being on alien ships, and most are like “because of [whatever reason], it would be good if ships had one human on board” and there are a lot of stories that say that there’s only one human on the alien ship. But I don’t think that’s a good idea?? A lot of people have a hard time being a foreign exchange student a country where they don’t speak the language; I don’t think most humans could handle being the only human on an alien ship???? For various reasons, like loneliness/medical issues/etc. Being on an alien ship sounds awesome, but they wouldn’t have any support.

Maybe aliens don’t understand THAT; “Despite being capable enough on their own, humans have to come in groups of 2+ for some reason.”

“Let the humans choose their own groups; their social systems are much more complex, and despite their famous ability to socialize with just about any other species, if two humans ‘don’t get along’, meaning that they cause each other to have unfavorable emotions and occasionally will not cooperate, the result is negative for both the humans and the crew that they reside in.”

Maybe something like this?

The first time humans and the recently-contacted alien species “X”, the first to form an alliance with humans, attempt to team up, everyone realizes that they need to learn more about each other. They decide that should should be a simple exchange of personnel; these crewmen would work simple jobs on each other’s ships and interact with the crew in order to learn more about each other and how to successfully communicate. Both humans and Xs desperately want this to succeed. But, hearing rumors of the humans’ prowess, the X want to minimize any possible casualties, so they suggest that they exchange just one person each at the start; one X heads to the human command ship, and one human heads to the X’s.

Everything begins successfully.

The X on board the human ship is a model worker. It observes, asks questions, and when it doesn’t understand something, many humans surround and brainstorm ideas on how to explain things to it. Throwing out ideas left and right “It’s a bit like seeing color, but it’s invisible, and through the nose-” “No you idiot, it’s like those feel-auras it was talking about, but the nose is the sensory organ for it-” and eventually the X understands. In turn, when contributing ideas not easily understood by humans, it finds that many take this as a challenge, and will not stop bothering the X until they are sure that they understand. But with or without the aid of its new crewmates, the X never seems distressed that it can’t understand or be understood by others.

The human crew quickly notices that the X has not contacted its main ship, or for that matter, anyone else.

“Have you tried talking to your ship?”

“There was no need to try, I already know it won’t work because of conflicting signals.”

“Well, did you need to? Talk to your friends or family or anything? I’m sure I can rig something up if you need to.”

“I have no need to communicate with anyone as of now. Any information that will eventually need to be communicated will be included in my report to the High Command.”

“No, but did you WANT to talk to anyone? Like your family or something, so they know you’re okay? And I mean, I’m sure you must want to talk about how weird we humans are and stuff, right?”

“My family will be notified of my status when I return to the High Command. And all data I gather on humans will be included in my report.”

The X, despite being so far away from home and surrounded by pushy humans, does not seem homesick or lonely at all.

On the X’s ship, the human is enthusiastic and excited to learn new things at first. After all, they’re learning about and interacting with ALIENS; it’s freaking awesome. But it doesn’t take too long for the novelty to wear off and the human to realize that they are truly alone. No one else speaks a human language, or is physically capable of doing so. While translation technology makes communication possible, linguistic differences make both exact or truly accurate translations impossible, so it’s not the same as being able to have a simple chat with friends. And chatting with friends doesn’t come easily; technology between the ships is not compatible, and any communication signals from the human’s own communication device are cancelled out by signals from the Xs’ ship.

The human becomes isolated from all other humans, on board a ship of 200 Xs.

Any difficulty communicating is eventually pushed aside and ignored but the Xs; if the human can’t communicate an idea, and the Xs don’t get it, what can they do? They do not need to understand the human or have the human understand them in order to do their jobs, so there is no point in trying. They understand that this project is important to the alliance, but do not understand how important communication is to humans.

The human has no help from others; several humans asking the same questions might get the idea that communicating certain ideas are important. But there is also no one who could understand them, no one to brainstorm ideas with:

“Now, how do we explain the concept of smell to a species from a planet where no organism has a nose?”

“Oh! My cousin was born without a sense of smell, and we sort of explained things like…”

Any problems communicating human ideas, or understanding X ideas, they face alone.

On that note, the human finds it difficult to to relate with any of the Xs. Xs can socialize fine between each other, but their standards for camaraderie is much different than that of humans. Humans are famous for their ability to empathize with any species, but it is not a two-way street, leaving the human caring about their new ship-mates with little care for themselves in return. They do not put more effort in helping the human understand, nor do they go out of their way to interact with the human outside of work situations. The human knows that it is not the fault of the Xs, that this is just the way Xs are, but they can’t help but begin to feel unappreciated, unwanted, and depressed.

Having long-since passed simple homesickness and culture shock, the human just wants desperately to talk to another human. It wouldn’t have to be anyone from the same country, or someone from the same field of work, or heck, even someone who spoke the same language. Even humans who can’t understand each other’s words can have get an idea from hand gestures, and historically, people who speak different languages that live in proximity to each other develop new dialects or learn to understand each others spoken language to communicate. Even with an age gap, they’ve lived during some of the same world events; they could find something to relate to each other. Another human would understand how strange X biology is compared to human biology, right? Another human could make jokes, laugh at the new, awesome, and weird things that they encounter. Another human could confirm that their feelings were real, right?

Humans are biologically engineered for socialization after all. Their species survived and evolved over hundreds of thousands of years because of their social nature. Xs understand this, and have heard that humans occasionally might have special needs like extraneous physical contact, but do not understand the implications. That this made humans biologically dependent on socialization for survival. That humans’ mental, emotional, and eventually even physical states can deteriorate without affection from friends and family.

And so the human gets ill.

Not quite used to human physicality in general or variation in physicality between individuals, and after hearing the legendary stories of humans surviving seemingly impossible situations, the Xs work their human crewmate hard. The human, already emotionally exhausted from isolation, easily gets physically exhausted. They contract an illness not unlike the common cold, though it couldn’t be given that their current location does not have any traces of the virus. With proper rest, and maybe more chances to chat with some friends back on the command ship, would help the human immensely. But the human, in their emotional and physical distress, can not communicate the idea that yes, humans can recover from illness like this without 5 different medicines. That talking to loved ones, or someone, anyone, would do more than just make them happy but give them the emotional will to make them physically well. There are no other humans around to explain human medical issues, or to provide a cool cloth for their fever, or to talk to while they’re sick in bed and unable to work, or…

The Xs change course and modify their signals in order to send a message to the human command ship and inform them that the human has fallen ill. Afraid of retaliation and wanting to ensure good faith, they request a strategy, asking what needs to be done in this situation. The human ship responds; the X on their ship has recently fallen ill as well. Xs do not have the hardy immune system that humans do, and while precautions were taken, it still caught a cold. The decision to return the crewmates to their home ships is made. The information that they managed to gather during their exchange this time will be used for a more successful future exchange and other interactions in the future.

The X suggests to their commanders more precautions regarding illnesses, and also advises any future volunteers to talk as much as possible to the other humans; they love interaction, learning, and teaching.

The human suggests that a special channel be created for easy communication, and makes only one demand; it doesn’t matter what the other species demands, don’t you dare let anyone go alone, ever again.

Submitted By: @bluemichikosan 

Warm

Time for some more whump! It’s Day Two- Hypothermia!

Lance and Keith (read: klance) go to an ice planet.

why do i only ever hurt lance


“Figures,” Lance grumbled. “Stereotypical ice planet. Why couldn’t the rebels have lived on, I don’t know, a tropical island? The entire known universe and we can’t stumble across some beach residents in need of rescue?”

“Lance,” Shiro’s disapproving voice sounded over the coms. “The two of them gave me their only ship. Which means we’re helping them. They’re part of a freedom fighter organization, maybe they can help us.”

“Yeah, okay, but why do I have to be the one that gets sent down here? I’m from Cuba! This is way, way below comfortable temperatures for me.”

“Quit whining,” Keith snapped, glaring at Lance over his shoulder. “Our armor’s designed to keep us warm, and this is below comfortable for anyone. And pick up the pace.”

Lance rolled his eyes, but jogged to catch up to him.

“Sorry, Lance, but the red lion is the best at withstanding extreme temperatures. And it’s smaller, and faster than the other lions, so it can better navigate the terrain,” Shiro explained.

“Wish I had help navigating the terrain now,” Lance muttered under his breath. The two of them were currently struggling through over a foot of snow. “And that doesn’t explain why I had to bring Keith with me.”

“Because going on solo missions to unknown locations is how you get killed,” Pidge pointed out. “Star Wars? Hoth? Luke almost getting annihilated by the abominable snowman? Any of that ring a bell?”

“Quiznaking ice planets. Why are we out of the lion anyway, Shiro? Red’s warm. Do you want us to freeze to death and then have to hide inside the body of a space camel?” Lance’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“Star Wars, Keith. Remind me to marathon it with you when we get back to Earth. My niece loves those movies, and she’ll eat all the popcorn, but it’s worth it. Trust me.”

“Would you two take this mission seriously?” Shiro asked. Lance could practically see him rubbing his temples exhaustedly. “I know it’s not exactly high-stakes adventure, but these guys saved my life. You’re not going to go prancing around the planet in your lion and accidentally destroy their hideout.”

Prancing? Shiro, I don’t prance, I'm—”

“Lance, look,” Keith interrupted him and pointed out towards a large stretch of ice before them. It would’ve been a lake, had the planet not had such low temperatures. “Pidge, is that the direction we need to go?”

“Yep,” she told them. “The hideout’s not far from the opposite side.”

Keith sighed. “We’ll have to go around.”

“Woah, what? Keith, that lake is huge! It’d be so much easier to walk straight across,” Lance protested. “I’m not about to freeze to death while we take the scenic route.”

“In case you hadn’t noticed, that’s ice, dumbass. If it can’t support our weight and breaks then we really could freeze to death! That water’s gotta be a lot worse than this.”

“I’m not an idiot, Keith, I know that. Pidge, if I send you a scan can you see if it’ll support us?” Lance asked. Pidge made a noise of affirmation, and Lance used his armor’s scanner to send an analysis of the ice to her.

“It looks pretty thick,” she mused. “I wouldn’t jump up and down or start hacking at it with your bayards if I were you, but you’ll be able to walk across.”

See?” Lance smirked at him. “What’d I tell you? It’s fine.”

“Shouldn’t we, I don’t know, check the lake? What if there’s a… space octopus in there, or something? Or a shark? I mean, they wouldn’t normally live in lakes, but this isn’t Earth so who knows? Are space alligators a thing?” Hunk spoke so fast it was almost difficult to understand.

“Hunk, you’re rambling,” Lance observed with a fond smile. “But don’t worry. The top of the lake is frozen, so they wouldn’t be able to breathe, right? Let alone get to us. If it makes you feel better, I’ll do a full scan of the lake.”

“Nope. No animals down there,” Pidge confirmed a few moments later. “Now would you two hurry up and cross?”

“I still have a really bad feeling about this,” Keith mumbled.

Lance turned towards him with a grin. “We are so watching Star Wars together. In fact, we should see if they have it at the space mall. But sorry, Keith, if you want to go the long way, be my guest. I’m not going to wait any longer than I have to.”

“He really is the true pilot of Red,” Pidge sounded as if she was trying to repress a laugh. “Impatient as all hell.”

Hey!” Keith and Lance exclaimed at the same time.

Pidge snorted. “Just get going already.”

Lance wasted no time in starting out across the lake. He was several paces ahead of Keith, who still hesitated to step out onto it. As he was about to continue forward, Keith stopped in his tracks. He could swear he saw something dark moving below the ice, but Pidge had scanned the lake for life, hadn’t she? It must just be his imagination. He started forward again, but just then the ground shook, and the ice in front of Lance exploded.

He let out a strangled yelp, stumbling away from whatever had just burst out of the lake. Keith could hear the frantic voices of the others in his ears, but it all descended into white noise as he saw the vine that had broken through the ice wrap around Lance’s legs.

He rushed forward, but it was already too late. Keith watched as Lance was dragged into the hole made by the creature, and plunged into the freezing lake.


The water was murky, and dark. Lance could barely see, all he knew was that something was dragging him further and further down into the depths. He didn’t have time to activate his helmet properly before water was rushing into his lungs.

He felt the grip of whatever held him tightening on his legs, and though he tried to kick he couldn’t break free.

Lance forced himself not to panic. Panicking wouldn’t help him. So he collected his thoughts, summoned his bayard, and pointed it down. He still couldn’t see anything, but with luck he’d hit the monster, not himself. He moved his finger to the trigger, aimed for what he hoped wasn’t his leg, and fired.

Judging by the shriek of pain and how the hold on him loosened, Lance guessed the laser met its mark. He kicked upwards immediately, swimming quickly to the surface. However, with limited eyesight and dwindling oxygen, his hands met nothing but ice. Panic started to overtake him again as he desperately scrambled to find the hole which he’d fallen into.

Lance was just starting to give up hope completely when suddenly a hand snagged around his wrist and yanked him to the side, and up to the surface.

Lance sucked in a breath, coughing the water out of his lungs as he collapsed onto the ice. His vision was foggy around the edges, but he could see well enough to notice Keith kneeling over him, breathing heavily.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, hands hovering over Lance’s form. “Are you hurt?”

“What—” Lance coughed again. “What was that… that thing?”

“I… I didn’t scan for plants,” Pidge told him apologetically. “In my defense, I had no idea there would be some crazy strong… Venus flytrap-ish monster living here.”

Now will you listen to me when I tell you something’s a bad idea?” Keith asked, sounding way to relieved to actually come off as angry.

Lance gave him a shaky smile. “I c-could ask you the… the same, S-samurai.”. Keith tensed immediately.

“Why’s he talking like that?” he asked. “He’s… breathing weird, too. And shivering. Pidge, what—”

“Keith. Scan. Now.” Pidge’s voice was suddenly alert, and when Keith complied, she cursed. “Hypothermia. I should’ve guessed. Keith, get him back to the castle. He should be fine, but he needs a pod. Allura and I will come back to the planet in Blue later.”

Keith nodded, picking Lance up in his arms as if he weighed nothing at all, before rushing towards Red. “Hang on, Lance. You’re gonna be fine.”

“You.. you were r-right,” Lance admitted around chattering teeth. “That was a… very b-bad idea.” His eyes started to slide shut.

“Wh— no, Lance, you have to stay awake. C'mon, keep your eyes open. We’re almost there.”

“’M sorry, Keith, b-but it’s… it’s freezing, and you’re r-r-really w-warm,” Lance mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning his head on Keith’s shoulder. “I think… I’ll just take a little n-nap.”

“Lance, no, you’ve got to—” Keith started insistently, but Lance had already passed out in his arms.


Lance fell unceremoniously out of the healing pod, but was luckily caught before he collapsed onto the floor. He looked up to meet Keith’s dark eyes, and promptly groaned. “So, I guess we had another bonding moment.”

Keith bristled. “That’s all you have to say? Not ‘thank you for saving my life?’ After your stupid decision-making skills got you put in a pod for the… how many times has it been now?”

Lance ignored him. “Where are the others?”

“None of them wanted to stay overnight, because, again, you’ve been in this pod way too many times,” Keith told him, unsure if he should point out that Lance had made no move to step back, so Keith was still supporting the entirety of his weight.

“And yet you stayed,” Lance grinned. “Guess I should probably start listening to you, huh?”

“Guess so.”

Lance’s smile turned quickly into a smirk. “Well, that’s too bad, since we both know that’s never going to happen.”

Keith scowled, prepared to drop Lance onto the floor. He would have to, if Lance hadn’t leaned forward at that exact moment and kissed him.

It didn’t last long, but Keith was blushing furiously, anyway. It was nice to see that Lance looked a little flustered, too, though.

“Thanks,” Lance said softly. “For saving my life.”

“Um,” Keith started, brain still trying to understand what was going on. “Did you just— you and I— is this— what?”

Lance laughed, finally stepping back from Keith and turning to walk out the door. “I’m going to go get some food goo, if you’d care to join me.”

Keith watched him go, and stammered out a few more incoherent sentences before rushing after him.

Humans are weird: The lost colony

*Quick note before I start: This is the first installment in a series I’ve called the Lost Colonies which is largely about human society adapting to the strange environments of other worlds. You can read the other installments here: 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed writing this series, but with my new work schedule I had to bring it to a close. If you’ve enjoyed this story follow me on here for my other writings. Thanks again to everyone who has reblogged, liked, replied, DMed, or otherwise shown their appreciation for this series. It means a lot to me that people enjoyed it and the love you’ve all shown me has really helped keep me going for these last few months.*

An adult Turic sits behind a desk jotting down notes as a recorder takes down the interview for future analysis.
“I understand that this entire ordeal has been stressful for you and your fellow colonists but due to your unique situation we would like to use this opportunity to better understand human culture. Please let me know if we need to stop or if there is anything I can do to make you more comfortable.”
The human, a younger female by the name of Kiara fidgets in her seat.
“No, I’m fine, I just haven’t ever seen an alien before. Hell, until a few months ago no one had ever heard anything but legends of people from outer space.”
The Turic looks down at his notes as he tries to reconcile this information.
“According to our research it says that your colony was originally founded just over 500 Sols ago. Are you saying that in that short amount of time your colony’s knowledge of spacefaring and other sapient races was erased?”
“I guess? What’s a Sol though? How long would that be?”
“Oh, a unit of time measurement based on the solar rotation of your home world. Prior to your race’s colonization of other worlds you referred to it as a year. For reference, you are estimated to be 22 Sols old.”
“Then yeah, that makes a lot of sense. We didn’t really have permanent settlements and had to keep moving. One of the older stories said that we came to our world in a fiery ship and that the remains of it could be found out in the wastes once a cycle. That’s what we call it when the Thaw comes back to the same point.”
“I have heard some of the other colonists mention this Thaw. This is the name for the habitable zone in which your colony exists, correct?”
“Yeah, you live in the Thaw, you move with the Thaw. The Thaw keeps you from burning or freezing as long as you work with it. It protects you, feeds you and keeps you alive, but it always moves so you need to move with it.”

The Turic frantically scribbles notes on its data pad.
“Fascinating. It appears as though your civilization has come to mythologize a natural phenomenon the way your ancestors on earth frequently would. Your colony was founded on a planet that was almost what we would call tidally locked. In essence one side of it always faced your neighboring star and it rotated as it spun around it so that the same side always faced it at all times. However the spin was off by a small fraction so that the planet gradually rotated to have a day/night cycle, but this cycle was so slow that it took roughly 50 Sols for a single rotation. This would have made for a narrow band of surviveable temperatures but one that was constantly shifting albeit at a slow pace.”
Kiara stared blankly at the Turic.
“Sorry, that went a little over my head. What I think I caught from that though is that one side of my world faced the light and one side faced the dark and we lived in the space between. Which yeah, that’s the Thaw.”
“I apologize, this is fascinating for me, I’m just curious as to how or why your people took what appears to be such a large step backwards in their technological capabilities.”
“Well, like I said, some of our stories say that we came from a fiery ship and that it can be found in the wastes. If my people really did come from another world, maybe we crashed and our technology broke. We do tend to keep on the move and we usually leave things behind when they break and can’t be fixed. I wasn’t old enough to remember seeing the great ship when my parents took me there and it was taken by the scorch a long time ago.”

The Turic stared at his data pad wondering how he would even begin to unravel all of this.
“Well, hopefully we can find some solid answers to this mystery someday, but I would like for you to tell me more about your colony. What is life like on your world?”
Kiara straightened up in her seat and smiled.
“My name is Kiara Williams. I’m a frost melt like my mother and father before me. We work on the very edge of the Thaw to make sure that the glaciers, mountains and streams run in the right ways when it comes time for the Thaw to reach them in full. We scout lands in the cold to find new sites for villages. We dig breaks in the ice to make sure that the largest sheets fall away from farms and villages. It’s bitter cold and dangerous work but it’s important and sometimes exciting.”
The Turic stared in an expression that would have been the human equivalent of slack-jawed.
“You colony had the technological equivalence of pre-industrialization. Are you saying that your people geoformed an ice world to ensure proper farmland using little more than steel tools and furs?”
“Well there are plenty of other jobs too. My brother is a farmer out in the warmer parts of the Thaw and I have a cousin who lives on the other end of it as a waste reclaimer.”
“And what is it that your cousin does?”
“He goes out into the scorch looking for broken things that can be fixed or things that were left behind by accident. Most people say that’s not a job for an honest person, but he has a real knack for finding stuff to sell. I heard he even managed to find a few relics off the great ship.”
The Turic made a note to track down this cousin immediately.
“Are those the only professions available?”
“Of course not. There’s bakers and builders and law makers but we do have to keep moving with the Thaw so most of us try not to stay in one place too long. It doesn’t help to get too attached. We can usually only get 3 or 4 harvests out of a plot of land before it gets too hot to grow. That’s why frost melts like me are so important to help scout the farms in advance.”

The Turic glanced at the blinking light on his recorder that was letting him know that his allotted time was nearly up.
“I’ll need to let you get back to your family unit soon, but is there anything else you can tell me about your colony or its culture?”
Kiara sighed. “Not really. Being a frost melt, I spend most of my days surrounded by ice as far as the eye can see. It’s strange and beautiful though. There’s massive mountains made of nothing but ice and I know that if I simply walk for a few hours towards out into the frost it would be cold enough to kill, but I know that I’m the one who gets to tame it. At times when the wind is calm I can breath the cold in deep and look out to the stars and wonder what it would be like to explore them too.”
Kiara looked down at her feet self consciously and laughed.
“I guess I can actually get to do that now huh?”
The Turic adopted the human expression of a smile.
“There is a lot of unexplored space out there. I’m sure the human race would be proud to have you back to help them seek it out.”

GoT S07E03 Thoughts

And here we go again.

As always, these are my rambling nonsensical thoughts on the episode, but disclaimer, my stream lagged so i missed maybe 30 seconds to maybe a minute of the episode. Let’s begin. 

Jon and Tyrion’s conversations had to be some of my favourite scenes from this episode. That shared smile between them when Jon first lands on Dragonstone and they greet each other was so pure. There is potential for a great friendship between them. They both have an understanding for each other that they don’t share with anyone else. Jon as a bastard and Tyrion as a dwarf. This was evident in earlier seasons too, but more so now that they have both found their places in the world. They respect each other, but they’re fighting for very different causes (and for different reasons) and I wonder if this fledgling friendship will become a point of contention for them later in the story.

Anyway, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t say that one of my favourite scenes had to be Tyrion and Jon’s conversation about Sansa. What I loved about this scene was although it was fleeting, it still gave us Jonsa feels (if you’re inclined to read the scene this way anyhow). 

When Tyrion says, “does she miss me terribly?” Jon is very quiet and they let that silence play on long enough for it to be a significant marker in a conversation. Jon didn’t want to talk about it. It wasn’t an awkward silence; it was absolutely an annoyed, aggravated silence. And then what’s great is that Tyrion immediately went on the defensive and says that the marriage was never consummated. 

It’s a strange thing to say, especially when they were so friendly earlier. Wouldn’t it be safe to assume that if Jon had any suspicions that Tyrion had hurt/touched Sansa against her will that exchange would’ve gone very differently? There was clearly no need to mention it at all, but yet Tyrion did and Jon’s response was “I didn’t ask” in a clearly annoyed tone that suggested if this topic didn’t end soon someone was going to get choked out. Either Jon really hates the thought of Sansa with another man he turned into grumpy kitten Jon or he doesn’t want to think about his sister having sex at all. But bear with me here, if it’s the latter, why have this dialogue at all? There’s no narrative reasoning for this whatsoever unless Jonsa is a real possibility in the future and we’re supposed to continue to think about Jon, Sansa and ‘sex’ in the same line of thought.  

Okay, okay, admittedly my shipping goggles are on, but I still maintain the fact that it’s a weird piece of dialogue to have. If all they wanted to do was establish Sansa as a real political player, they could’ve cut that entire 2-3 lines out and just went straight into:

“She’s smarter than she lets on.”

“She’s starting to let on.”

And now that we’re onto the topic, I absolutely believe the mention of Sansa’s intelligence here serves two purposes. The first is to establish Sansa as a real political player here. She’s been underestimated by everyone in Westeros, but she’s far smarter than anyone gives her credit for (yes, even Jon).

In fact, jumping straight to Winterfell, you are given a whole scene of Sansa demonstrating that intelligence – not only in keeping everyone fed, but in keeping the soldiers protected. She understands what it takes to rule. But what I love about this sequence of scenes is Littlefinger praising her then going on to claim to know Cersei better than everyone and Sansa just shutting him down, saying she knows her better. Once again, we’re being forced to consider all that Sansa’s learned from Cersei. She just didn’t learn how to play the game but she learned Cersei herself. If anyone can outplay Cersei, we’re being led to believe it’s Sansa. 

Why I think this is important is how this episode also demonstrated that Cersei is once again one of the smartest and most devious rulers in Westeros. She completely outmaneuvered Tyrion, Daenerys and Olenna. People think her ‘madness’ from losing her children will make her weaker, but she’s still as shrewd as ever. She is very much Tywin’s daughter, but she’s much more ruthless. Tyrion may be smart, but thus far? He’s not as smart as his sister. 

But who is? 

Well, there’s a ‘queen’ in the North who is, and the more I think about it, the more I think this quote is actually referring to Sansa: 

“Aye. Queen you shall be… until there comes another, younger and more beautiful, to cast you down and take all that you hold dear.”

Because Cersei is right. Dany is a revolutionary, not a ruler. She can conquer and free slaves, but she doesn’t know how to rule. She’s not nearly as intelligent as Cersei in playing the Westerosi game, but Sansa is. She’s learned from the very best after all. Whether I’m wrong or right, I am convinced Sansa’s role in this war will be far greater than just ruling Winterfell in Jon’s stead. 

Its second purpose is basically to reaffirm Jon’s faith and trust in Sansa and her judgement. But what I found interesting is the way he says it is almost in an exasperated way, like he knows she is and she continues to “twist him in a way no one else can” because she’s too smart for her own good. But alas, the shipping goggles are on, so take that what you will. 

Now onto the big anticipated meeting. Honestly, I enjoyed Jon and Dany’s interactions. The juxtaposition of them as individuals and rulers were pronounced in the last episode, but they were even more glaringly so in this one. While Dany continues to talk about her rightful place and her indignation that he refuses to acknowledge what is hers, Jon continues to fight for his people and the war up North. I mean that’s just the thing, isn’t it? Every mention of Dany being this benevolent ruler who cares about the people doesn’t actually come from Dany. She doesn’t actually say she wants to save the people of Westeros. It’s always someone else because maybe, just maybe it’s not really her true purpose here in Westeros. Yes, I don’t believe she would be indifferent to the loss of innocent lives, but if it was the only way to get her to that throne, wouldn’t you think she’d do it? Wouldn’t Dany say ‘to hell with all of it’ and fly her dragons and burn everything in sight for that throne? If it was her only option, she would choose herself over the people. 

Hell, she even says it. After her speech about all she’s overcome, she says the only way she’s endured any of that was because of her faith in herself. While it’s a good speech if you take out the context, Dany’s survived and persevered this long because of her unwavering belief in her birthright, which was to rule on the Iron Throne. Everything else comes second to that. And I refuse to believe that the ultimate hero of the story is someone who believes themselves a hero and entitled to a kingdom. 

Whereas Jon was thrust into his position. He would choose the people over himself and that difference was emphasised by this quote they just had to repeat twice: 

“…took a knife in the heart for his people.”

Also, the fact that Jon cut Davos off before he could blab about Jon’s resurrection and Dany’s fixation on this feels highly foreboding. It’s definitely going to come back up, but in what way, I don’t know. 

Objectively speaking, I could see how Jon3rys could be hinted in this episode, as Jon and Dany come to understand each other, but personally, I believe it’s a tentative alliance at best that borders on an impasse rather than actual understanding. Right now, they can work because Dany has bigger fish to fry and Jon needs dragonglass. But when their objectives clash? What then? You could even see this opposition highlighted in the way they were filmed on that cliff. They’re standing together yet they’re facing opposite directions. They spend far more of that scene looking away from one another than looking eye to eye. Having their first one-on-one interaction being filmed in the light is also quite telling. The sun can be a symbolic source of goodness, but it can also be an oppressive force. Actually, it made me think of this quote from Albert Camus’ The Stranger: 

“The sky was already filled with light. The sun was beginning to bear down on the earth and it was getting hotter by the minute. I don’t know why we waited so long before getting under way. I was hot in my dark clothes […] it was inhuman and oppressive.“

Jon is a man of the North. His season is winter. I’ve said in previous metas that having Jon’s resurrection coincide with Winter’s arrival was symbolilc. Where usually in literature winter represents a time of stagnancy or even regression in the hero myth, for Jon, it represents rebirth and growth. Winter is a time for Starks. Having such sunlight bearing down on them in this scene (looking more like summer than winter) and Jon still wearing his furs seems to forewarn perhaps bad consequences with this alliance. 

For my Jonsa shippers, this is the exact opposite in how Jon and Sansa’s scenes are shot. They’re almost always in dimly lit areas or surrounded by candlelight, and snow is usually falling. Their reunion also coincided with Winter’s coming, so don’t despair if you are over Jon3rys meeting. 

Speaking of how scenes are shot, Sansa and Bran’s reunion couldn’t be more of a stark (ha ha) difference to Jon and Sansa’s. Yes, he was never going to run towards her, but she didn’t nuzzle him. I’ve always said the choice of having Sansa nuzzle Jon’s cheek was a bizarre one. It’s just odd. People don’t nuzzle their family members. But maybe she wasn’t in the nuzzling mood, fine. Go to the godswood scene though and there just seems to be such a distance between Sansa and Bran. I think that’s partially Bran being the Three-Eyed Raven as well because the distance was also entirely about who he is now as well.

Anyway, Clearly in the books Bran’s importance and power is more obvious, so they had to demonstrate somehow that Bran as the Three-Eyed Raven can see everything. But why does he bring up Sansa’s wedding? If they wanted to show off his power, they could have him bring anything else up, so why her wedding? Why bring up Ramsay at all? Shouldn’t Bran know better than that? Especially to tell her she looks beautiful that day after already implicitly saying he knows what Ramsay did to her. It feels unnecessarily cruel for Bran who, while seemingly distant, does love her. It has to serve a purpose for them to write that in. Perhaps foreshadowing a future wedding in the cards for Sansa? Perhaps a fake one to LF? Or maybe something further down the line where it’ll be the opposite of everything she had with Ramsay. No godswood, no beautiful white dress, no snow falling, but with someone she loves and who loves her. I don’t know but I’m just speculating here. 

Moving on to my favourite scene in the episode though: Cersei with Elaria. Honestly, Lena Heady is a phenomenal actress. Everyone is so focused on Cersei being this horrible evil villain, but you forget the real nuances to her character. When she asks Elaria why she killed Myrcella, it was delivered in such a vulnerable tone. You really, truly get a glimpse of the heartbroken, grieving mother who just tried to do her best for her children (whether that best was actually good or not), but then immediately after, you get the vindictive, cunning and formidable Cersei as she kisses Elaria’s daughter. It was amazing. Horrible but amazing. 

Second favourite scene had to be Olenna’s. What is there to say? She is the Dowager Queen of Badass Bitchery and Snarky Comebacks. Give me a great, complex female villain any day! I wouldn’t even call Olenna a villain tbh. But what I mean is I would 150% take morally grey or morally corrupt female characters over your atypical one-dimensional girl-next-door ones any day, week or month.  

Stray thoughts that I don’t have time/energy to write about:

Did anyone else get flirty vibes between Tyrion and Dany? 

And does anyone think Jorah’s “perhaps our paths will cross again” sound entirely too foreboding for Sam?

dual feature alien tech (shiro’s arm as a subjugation tool)

(caps credited to @xtokyoshinjuu, except for one kinda shitty one of Shiro’s hand taken by me)

so something that’s been bothering me for ages is why on earth takashi shirogane, who was a prisoner of the galra, has such an incredibly badass weapon installed as a limb by his captors.

More specifically: why is he able to use this arm against the Galra at all?

We don’t know much about Shiro’s arm, as Shiro himself doesn’t remember its installation or what it’s even capable of until most of the way through the first episode.  What we do know is:

  • it’s the work of the druids, which seem to be the Galra magicians, of which Haggar is one
  • it has incredible cutting force, to the tune of cutting holes into ship hulls that are six inches thick
  • it can act as a power source for galra tech
  • it grants shiro access to lots of galra information and passage through locked doors

This is a ridiculously powerful weapon. 

there’s a lot fan theories floating around about him being intended as a double-agent, about his being brainwashed into being a galra soldier, etc etc - and these are all really great theories with a lot of canon evidence to back it up. Haggar outright states he ‘could have been [the Galra’s] greatest weapon’, so he was never meant to just be gladiator entertainment.  How far that ended up going, we just don’t know.

But let’s rewind for a second. Even if Shiro was brainwashed or mind-controlled into being a force of evil for the Galra, did they seriously gift an unknown alien with this incredibly powerful weapon installed into his body and just trust him to never use it against them? Because it’s obvious throughout the series that the Galra have no way to stop Shiro from using his arm as he pleases.  He faces off directly with Sendak and Haggar and neither of them have any way to remotely or otherwise turn off his arm (and it’s implied that Haggar is the one that gave it to him).

the short answer is: no, of course they didn’t.

The long answer is: Shiro’s arm was probably granted a lot of cool shit in exchange for doubling as a shock collar - but something lets Shiro overpower its effect in episode 1.

The first time Shiro’s arm does the Glowy Thing is most of the way through episode 1, when Shiro and Pidge are about to fight some Galra soldiers.

Which is a total (unpleasant) surprise to Shiro, because it causes him so much pain that he falls to his knees.

(save him! D:)

okay, but take a look at that weird black-purple energy around his hand.  What the hell is that?

Well: we don’t know.  Shiro fights it for a few upsetting seconds and then he seems to get control and straighten his hand; the black stuff dissipates.

And Shiro gets up and kicks Galra android ass.

(and back to where this post started.)

This never happens again.  Shiro is able to activate it at will from this point onwards, and it never appears to hurt him to do so.  Importantly, it also never activates against Shiro’s will.

This first time is an aberration:

  1. his arm activates without Shiro actively willing it and
  2. it hurts him when it does.

I think we’re seeing the arm’s secondary function in action: specifically, it’s acting as a shock collar. When Shiro goes to fight his Galra captors, the arm activates on its own and causes him pain, incapacitating him and leaving Shiro defenseless against being subdued.

However, whatever was causing the arm to activate against Shiro’s will is something Shiro is able to fight against and, in this moment, finally break (as represented by the black energy around his hand).  Also, the delightful irony is that if the arm did not have this shock collar effect, Shiro might not have ever realized what his arm was capable of.  His memories are still largely fragmented.

In conclusion: In ep 1, I think Shiro broke the safety lock on his Galra arm, and the Galra spend all of season 1 paying for it.

(also we should all appreciate that Shiro was prepared to go up against several galra android soldiers with nothing but his bare fists, as he had no idea about his Extra Features.  What a guy.)

anonymous asked:

86 and andreil??

86: “Perhaps you’ll take me out one day — or do I have to make an appointment?” (I combined this with a prompt from foxpaws10 from ages ago based on this post, and I kind of warped both of your prompts i hope this is still okaaay basically it’s doctor andrew and that’s all u need to know)

His morning is a string of disasters that begins with covering the ER in the Sunday rush of hypochondriac elderly and fussy children. It’s one long stretch of kicked over paint buckets, a mess you can’t ignore, splattering the walls and getting on his shoes.

Andrew chose surgery almost entirely for the distance of it, the sterility of a room with a slab of meat, a tray of knives, and a sickness he can actually cut out.

He’s a doctor because he can be, and patients sometimes like that he doesn’t speak a word to them, like silence equals genius.

He likes that there are some patients that come into the ER unconscious and leave the OR unconscious, and all he has is a problem and a ticking clock. He always solves the problem. He thinks maybe it’s because he is one.

The sinking ship of his Sunday in the emergency room goes from slippery to debilitating with one patient.

Two showy ER doctors with their lab coats off and their sleeves rolled up go into the private room they’ve cordoned off, and they both come out looking pinched in the face with their stethoscopes clenched in their fists.

“He’s a fucking disaster,” one of them says, leaning up against the information desk with his eyes still pulling back to the closed door of the room.

“I know. I thought, I dunno. That the news was exaggerating.”

Andrew tilts his head and listens without making any move to leave his post, filling out inane charts as illegibly as he can.

One of the residents chances a look at him and Andrew makes a point of catching him. The guy startles, then juts his chin.

“Maybe you’ll get along with him, Minyard. He’s as crazy as you.”

“You’ve mistaken the hospital for a playground,” Andrew says mildly. “Give me his chart.”

“What?”

“His chart.”

He looks at his friend, mouth slack, and then the one holding the chart holds it out like a dirty rag.

“He’s Boston’s starting striker,” he stage whispers. Andrew takes the clipboard and ignores him, scanning the details. “We’re not supposed to let any patients know.”

“That Neil Josten is causing a scene ten feet away from them?” he says, and the men titter uncomfortably. “Why should he get the luxury of privacy?”

“How did you—“

“The news is available to everyone, Bryant, you fuck.” He rounds the desk and makes for the closed and shuttered room, dropping the chart in the receptacle outside.

“He shouldn’t be allowed to practice,” someone says behind him, and then someone else, softer, scornful: “surgeons”.

Andrew wrings the door knob and finds himself abruptly face to face with the singular most swollen person he’s ever seen. He’s obviously bolting for it, his gown gaping at the neck and someone’s stolen shoes jammed on. Andrew scans the defiant face, the shock of red hair, the near invisible trail of blood from an incorrectly removed IV.

“Sit down.”

“No.”

Andrew watches Neil Josten— and it is him, one of the handful of strikers on Boston’s team and certainly the most newsworthy — size him up. His eyes run the same circuit Andrew’s would if he were looking to fight his way out: door, threat, surreptitiously behind him for a weapon, back again.

“I’ll drug you,” Andrew says simply. Neil’s good eye, the one that isn’t purpling, goes narrow.

“Are you allowed to say that?”

Keep reading

Writing Prompts

Send me your requests HERE with your prompt choice and ship / character of choice! (Please no more than 4) and also add your own request merged into it if you want??

  1. “Give me your jacket, I’m freezing.”
  2. “These shoes were made to kick you in the ass!”
  3. “Are you okay?”                                                                                          “I don’t know how to answer that.”
  4. “It’s no big deal, its just a few scratches.”
  5. “I’m so cute, I don’t see why you aren’t dating me.”
  6. “We made a deal and you’ll keep your end, one way or another.”
  7. “You look cute when you smile, you should do it more often.”
  8. “Why are you blushing?”
  9. “I’m always here and you just ignore me.”
  10. “I’ve worked my ass off to get you in this position.”
  11. “Grab my hand!”
  12. “No, listen to me.”
  13. “I don’t know if I can keep going like this.”
  14. “There’s no shame in taking a step back.”
  15. “I’ll kill you, you sick bastard. I’ll kill you, you’re a fucking monster who deserves to die.”
  16. “Is that… a dog?”                                                                                   “No, Its a fucking horse. Of course its a dog, dumbass.”
  17. “I walked here to you in the rain, this is how much I love you.”
  18. “You are quite the mystery, aren’t you?”
  19. “Let go of me!”                                                                                        “I’m barely touching you!!”
  20. “You’re so cute when you’re mad.”
  21. “Do you believe in love?”
  22. “Put me down!”
  23. “You’re so small, it’s adorable.”
  24. “Look, this isn’t a guilt-trip: I just genuinely want to know if you dislike me so I can stop bothering you.”
  25. “We can’t be friends anymore.”
  26. “Open your fucking eyes, it’s so obvious that I’m in love with you!”
  27. “Don’t you dare touch him/her.”
  28. “Please don’t be mad at me.”
  29. “Don’t do anything stupid, I’m gonna help you.”
  30. “They say less is more, but when have I lived by that?”
  31. “Hey, don’t touch anything. I don’t know how stable it all is.”
  32. “I hate how you’ve made me broken.”
  33. “I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just at life in general.”                                     “I can make that sexually.
  34. “This isn’t one of my more subtle plans, but considering how long it’s been since I ate or drank or slept, I think I’m doing pretty good.”
  35. “If I wanted you dead, this room would be a lot quieter.”
  36. “Do you ever shut up?”
  37. “You’re such an ass!”
    “But a fine looking one, yes?” 
  38. “You’re safe now, I’ve got you.”
  39. “Since when did you become a badass?”
  40. “I don’t know why, but I think I’m in love with you.”
  41. “Holy shit! You’re bleeding!”
  42. “I’d like to talk to you when you have your pants on, okay?”
  43. “If anyone could have saved me, it would have been you.”
  44. “Everyone has a breaking point.” 
  45. “I refuse to play along with this. No thank you, go away.”
  46. “What now?”                                                                                               “I don’t know, I didn’t think we’d live this long.”
  47. “They might not want you, but I understand you, and- well, I like who you are and I want you. Please don’t believe what they say.”
  48. “Are you done staring?”
  49. “Never let go.”
  50. “You broke your promise, you can’t come back from that.”
  51. “Hey, are you awake?”
  52. “I love how we all use affectionate pet names and flirt with one another. It’s nice, having such a close knit group of friends, you know?”        “Okay but have you considered: fuckpile.”
  53. “Stay here, I’m gonna go get help.”
  54. “Despite what you think, I can actually express emotions just like any other person.”
  55. “I’m so sorry-”                                                                                      “Then why would you do that to me?! You betrayed me!”
  56. “It happened again.”
  57. “I don’t like you, but for some reason you make me feel fuzzy.”
  58. “Can I kiss you?”
  59. “So what, you bitter piece of fuck? I’m nasty, lewd, I swear every third fucking word, and I am a better person than you. oh, that burns doesn’t it? That a shit like me is more moral and good and pure than you can ever be?”
  60. “Me? What about you?”
  61. “Oh shit, okay. I’m gonna toss you over my shoulder and book it okay, no way I’m trying to fight these fools. Don’t bleed out onto my back, ‘kay?”
  62. “I’ve been thinking about you. More specifically, where you fit in my future.”
  63. “I didn’t ever think I’d fall for someone like you.”
  64. “Stop fighting!”
  65. “Don’t ever talk to me ever again.”
  66. “Please, just give me a break. I’ve been so busy, trying so fucking hard- I’m doing the best I can. Please, please don’t ask more of me.”
  67. “I wish I could lovingly craft the words together to describe how angry you make me.”
  68. “Looks like we both have detention together.”
  69. “It was over when you said goodbye to me.”
  70. “I hate school and everyone in it.”                                                        “Even me?”                                                                                         “You’re an exception.”
  71. “Kiss me.”
    “No thank you- I don’t want your germs near me at all.”
  72. “Oh, fuck off you piece of shit. You think I care about you? That I give a damn about your feelings? Fuck off- I’m first in line for your head.”
  73. “Have sex with me.”
  74. “Please make me feel alive.”
  75. “You’re the only thing that is keeping me on this fucked up world.”
  76. “Even on the shittest days, you’re always there to brighten them.”
  77. “I love you just the way you are.”
  78. “Your stretch marks are like tiger stripes, it makes you look fucking badass.”
  79. “Stop asking me if I’m alright. My last answer was ‘annoyed’, why would it change any time soon?”
  80. “I will not leave you. No matter how hard it gets or how rough things are, I will always be here. I will not leave you.”
  81. “You are such a fucking cliché.”
  82. “Stay close to me.”
  83. “I can’t do everything!”
  84. “You’re art.”
    “But I’m nothing like your art.”
  85. “I think I owe you an apology.”
  86. “Have you seen- oh
  87. “Did you do that for me?”
  88. “That’s a weird way to say ‘I love you’.”
  89. “Are you happy?”                                                                                  “Yes, very.”                                                                                         “Good … that’s good. That makes me happy.”
  90. “Sorry to interrupt but you need to move your hands away from him/her before we have a problem.”
  91. “When I first met you, I thought nothing of you, now you mean everything to me.”
  92. “Please, I can’t live without you.”
  93. “Surprise!”
  94. “You told me it wasn’t my fault, so why are you blaming me now?”
  95. “Shut up!”                                                                                            “Make me.”
  96. “I’ll fucking kill him/her.”
  97. “Are you jealous?”
  98. “Are you flirting with me?”
  99. “You know me better than I know myself.”
  100. “What do you do when you realise you might not be the good guy?”
Unlucky Steam key scammer calls electronics, gets the dumbest employee in the world

When I worked at Walmart, I went from cart pusher->cashier->electronics->security. Sometimes after I switched to security, when electronics was really swamped, I’d help out for a few minutes. One day, the phone was ringing and I was walking by and randomly answered it.

Sir Scamalot: “Hello, sir, this is Steam Support services with Valve.”

Instantly, of course, I know this is a scam. I adore valve and played so many of their games too. I can’t believe my luck! Of all the calls to answer! Surprisingly he didn’t have some weird accent.

Me: “Oh, uh… what can I do for you?”

Sir Scamalot: “We’ve had reports that game keys shipped to your location may have an error that prevents it from authenticating, specifically the game Counter Strike. We need to validate your game keys to see if your affected.” [I forget which CS was on sale then, this was 2008].

Me: “Oh, what do I do?” As if I didn’t know.

Sir Scamalot: “Well I just need you to open any copies of the game you have and read me the CD key on the instruction manual so I can verify them with our validation software.” [or on the jewel case, I don’t remember that either]

Me: “Sure thing, can I put you on hold for a minute while I get those?”

Sir Scamalot: [obviously happy] “Sure!”

So I put Sir Scamalot on hold while I called all the other area stores electronics department and warned them about the scammer and confirmed nobody had taken a call like this earlier. About 15 minutes later, I get back to Scamalot.

Me: “Thanks for holding, but I can’t find any CD keys. I looked all through the book and the packages.”

Sir Scamalot: [annoyed] “Well sir, just open any copy of Counter Strike and on the-”

Me: “Oh, COUNTER STRIKE! I thought you said Counting Strikes, that bowling game, ok, hold on!”

Everyone in the department is listening and we all laugh. 10 minutes later, I’m back on the line.

Me: “Ok, I got what you’re looking for! What do you need?”

Now I make him walk me through how to open the box, including interrogating him for 5 minutes about how to do it without breaking the seal, then pretend I can’t find the book, etc etc.

Finally, I’m ready to read the code!

First, I read him the UPC. This upsets him. Then I read him a part number from something. Now he’s livid. Finally, I ask if he means the code on the book that says “game key” and has like groups of four digits with dashes (like he’s said probably 50 times already) and he gets excited again.

Oh, ok heres the game key…

Me: “Ok F… like frank. U… like uncle. C… like cat.”

Sir Scamalot: “Sir, I don’t think thats right, normally a code would-”

Me: “No, its. F, U, C, then K like kite. Next four is Y like yesterday. O like owl-”

And he swore at me and hung up.

Summer Anime 2016

This summer we have so many anime with an all-male cast, I was so happy I decided to to a rec/ranking/review/summary. Note: I only watch anime with mostly males I’m sorry it’s just what I like lol so this list may not match yours. (I cannot stand female leads - except maybe Gintama? - because they will escalate into romantic relationships and they annoy me to no end. It’s like the only purpose of females is romance and I hate that.) And a warning is that I’m kind of shallow so I normally look at the guys’ looks and then their character. But good character and relationship developments are definitely essential to me too.

1. Fukigen na Mononokean

I’ve rec it so many times I feel like I’m part of the official publicity comm but it’s really good :) My favourite character is Abeno cause he’s really adorable and tsundere (?) haha. If you like youkai, friendship and touching moments, do try this out!! It’s a little similar to Natsume Yuujinchou too.

2. Servamp

It looks really interesting so I watched it and when I saw the OP I screamed cause all-male cast! Compared to Spring 2016 this season does look more appealing to me. And I’ve ran out of anime with all bromance (other than sports anime) and no romance. So anyway for Servamp, Kuro was a really cute cat, and the setting seems interesting enough for me to chase. I feel like I might not like the main character as much though but we’ll see. 

3. Fudanshi Kokou Seikatsu

Ahh this is really cute I can relate so much to the main character as a Fujoshi myself :D and I can hardly find friends who can fangirl with me. It’s really sad to be embarrassed for liking gay ships ;n; The only bad thing about the series is that it’s too short each episode haha.

4. D.Gray-man Hallow

I’ve read the manga but didn’t understand most of it. Still, it’s likeable and I like Allen and Kanda. I felt like this season they beautified all the characters and Kanda definitely looks better with his new hairstyle/fringe :DD I hope they can animate most of the manga and I hope we can finally understand what is going on with the 14th.

5. Handa-kun

I just watched the 1st episode today and all I can is that it’s really good and hilarious omg. Only it’s too short with the first 9min trying to break the fourth wall and I couldn’t understand the humor at all. Still, the rest of the episode was worth it! Can’t wait for the rest!

Keep reading

The DP Phandom Must Look so Confusing from the Outside

So I was scrolling through some DP posts and had to wonder what people who’ve never seen the Phandom must think ‘cause I mean…

On one hand we have these posts praising Danny, calling him a precious child whom we must protect. We say that we should let the kid have a break, drawing pictures of the kids sleeping for once, and just hanging out living his life because he’s so stressed 90 percent of the time…

On the other hand, we have 1) ghost hunger, 2) many, many vissections/ dissections, 3) GIW captures, 4) Too many torture fics, 5) Danny going insane, 6) more torture, 7) TUE AUs where everyone is dead and Danny is angsting over the death of his family, 8) angst, 9) much angst, 10) and did I mention torture? Because wow, there’s ton of torture for this poor boy.

Then there’s Dan Phantom. The Phandom knows that he’s evil incarnate and the worst thing ever for everyone. Danny has nightmares and fears his very existence. We even have some fics where he comes back and destroys everything, as Danny watches his family get killed in the background. Simply put, he’s the ultimate enemy… 

And then there’s the pictures of Dan teasing Danny like an older brother and cuddling up to Jazz like a little demented puppy.

The fact that the Phandom is divided on whether Vlad is a misunderstood, old man who needs companionship (in what way and from who depends on the person),a  hug, and just really a person who cares about him, or if he’s an evil megalomaniac who should be hated and shunned for his actions for all eternity for what he has done to everyone.  

…Or the fact that one of  Butch Hartman’s favorite episodes is the finale, Phantom Planet and most of the Phandom hates it and practically counts it as non-canon.

…Or the fact that “It’s not gay if he’s dead” and Danny’s pink pants are things.

Don’t get me started on the pairings.

…And the pairings names.

…And the fact that we don’t have ship names for canon crushes/pairings.

…And the fact we have pairings for inanimate objects but not for some of the main characters.

Then there’s Wes Weston. Just all the Wes Weston. We literally created an OC from a background character we saw once or twice who’s literally Mr. Crocker if he was a teenager with a lot less tech and much more mentally stable (or at least a little but more stable).

Do you see what I mean? 

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Phandom so much for its weirdness! I’m just laughing at how confused some people must be about ….well everything if they were to see it… especially if they were hoping to see stuff about a light hearted kid show.