it's a twofer!



The hair on the back of my neck rose but I kept walking. I was pissed at him from his question to Fermin earlier – as if I could not handle myself! He never cared to ask me about the details when we were together, so what would he know about who else there was to send, what it was that I did? It was embarrassing to be called out like that in a meeting where everyone could hear. Thankfully, Fermin shut him down before he could completely voice it, but the message had been clear; I should not participate in the raid.

He blocked my path with his arms crossed. I tried to step to the side, but he moved back in my way. I grit my teeth, why the hell couldn’t he just leave me alone? “What the fuck do you want?”

“We need to talk.” I used to love the way that he’d look when he was being pushy – the way his eyes would narrow and the frown that forms on his lips – now all I felt was irritation.

“I don’t have shit to say to you, go away,” I spit out but I knew how stubborn he could be. He wouldn’t move until he felt like we’d talked about whatever it was that was so important that he had to make a scene like this. Or until I fought past him. It would probably be the latter that would happen first.

“Then listen.” I decided that I should expedite the fighting process and started to raise my hands, which he caught. “Don’t go to that raid. They can blow the safe in the lab, it’s not like it needs to be finessed open.”

I jerked my hands down and twisted my wrists to break his grasp, “Shut up! What are you, my father? I’ve been working on this thing for months now! I’m going!”

“It’s going to be dangerous. It’s not going to be like the house – this is supposed to be their main lab, it’ll have a lot of guards.”

Really?” I asked sarcastically, “I thought we’d just show up and everyone would be cool with us being there! You mean they won’t like us setting fire to the building? This is so surprising!”

“Take this seriously, Emilia! You could get hurt! You could die!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, stop acting like you give a shit. You’ve got your little family now. A girl that isn’t into this at all. Why don’t you go home and stay there for the raid? Or,” I felt the bitterness well up, “is family life not agreeing with you after all? You look exhausted, maybe you want to get shot so you don’t have to deal with it?”

He expression grew dark, “That’s not funny. I care about you, that’s why I’m trying to talk you out of this. If Yulian gave a shit about you, he’d do the same.”

“How fucking noble. And I don’t even know why you’re dragging him into this.”

“That’s who you’re with now, isn’t it? Nice panties by the way, it was nice of him to share that picture with me.”

I laughed mirthlessly, “Still upset about that, are we? He thought it was only fitting that you get to see them, especially since I bought them to wear for you. Did it bother you knowing that he got to slide them off of me before he-“

“Fuck! Stop it, Emilia!”

“No, you stop!” I said, shoving against him. “I’m not asking for your advice or help or anything! Leave me the fuck alone! You decided to stay with her after you cheated, I don’t even know why you keep trying to show up in my face for!”

“Because I knew you weren’t coming back!” he shouted and seemed surprised that he had said it aloud.

“Then what are you doing right now? Move!” He stepped to the side and let me past. I raised a finger in a farewell salute.

“Did you ever fucking love me?” he asks and I can hear the hurt in his voice.

I don’t turn to face him, because his tone alone has made my resolve waiver. If he had said it any other way, I would have told him ‘no’. And I think of all that romance bullshit that says that if you love someone, you want what’s best for them – that it isn’t selfish. But I am a selfish person, I don’t think I’m capable of doing anything altruistic. But if I didn’t at least care, I wouldn’t have been so pissed off when I found out about the other woman.

I feel strange. I don’t know how to answer that question. Had I ever been in love? I felt good with him, I liked being with him, was that enough?

I answer him honestly and I know it’s probably not what he wants to hear, but it’s the only one I can give:

“I don’t know.”


The childlike drawing on top is a page from a Lil’ Boosh book I am trying to make for the Boosh Art Club.  The childlike drawing on the bottom is what my four-year-old drew this morning based on seeing my drawing last night.  I’m pretty sure my Vincess is the youngest Booshlr (for now!) and while she’s a bit young for her own account, I think we can agree she’s an important part of this fandom!

nurdenweisungenfolgend  asked:

☱ ((Again because best Jean ))

FACK i didn’t see this till today! I’m so sorry, bb!

Dear Diary,

Reiner keeps staring at me in the shower. It makes me super fucking uncomfortable. So I end up hiding behind Bertbert for cover, but then I don’t know whether I’m covered with shower water or his swampy perspiration.

This is getting to be a problem.