it's a terrible life

4

I was tagged by the most beautiful and amazing person ever, Pat @marvelatthepeople 💕to post four of my favourite selfies! I guess @harleyqueen7 sort of tagged me as well? ❤️ I tag: @crappy-camel @tired-alpaca @teamspider-man @buckysinthesinbin @bvckys-doll @soldatka @superscamander @kenobi-and-barnes @poe-also-bucky and anyone else who would like to do it! Sorry if you guys have already been tagged or don’t want to do it because of privacy or perhaps insecurity (though I bet y’all are beaut)! That’s totally okay, privacy is important!

First Order holofilms have one of three plots :

1. Brave Stormtrooper regiment defeats impossible odds, defeats decadent Senate/vicious native species seeking to stop the force of progress/evil rebels from the First Order. The leader of the regiment will never remove their helmet and will, at some point, make a big speech about how important it is to have a cohesive identity as a unit, not to think of oneself as an individual – because that is selfish and decadent and rebellious and bad for the Order/trooper/world. Lots of explosions. Stirring music.

2. Brave First Order citizen infiltrates decadent Senate to steal valuable information. The Senate is extra decadent. The word ‘decadent’ is used so often that troopers no longer have ‘hear the word decadent and drink’ as a rule in their drinking games because then they would all die of acute liver failing (not the most dignified way to go – but also not the worst). Evil man/woman/alien of intermediate gender tries to seduce the brave citizen. Citizen gives a long speech about the importance of loyalty to the First Order, then shoots the would-be seductor. Possibly dies in getting information out. Lots of explosions. Stirring music.

3. Thinly disguised biography of General Hux. The hero is always ginger, over six foot and absurdly muscular and defeats the decadent Senate/vicious native species seeking to stop the force of progress/evil rebels from the First Order through his amazing leadership skills. The film is basically one long speech with lots of explosions and stirring music. (Yes, Hux is a First Order pin-up despite looking like some kind of constipated rodent. Pickings are slim. Troopers seeking an outlet for their chemically-limited desires have a choice of him, Phasma, or attempting to find a helmet sexually attractive. Finn’s pubescent fumblings were traumatising on a number of levels.)